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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S02E24 — Evacuation

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 2, Episode 24 — Evacuation

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Evacuation
Air date: May 13, 2001
Director: Todd Holland
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Hal is inadvertently responsible for a toxic chemical spill that forces a neighborhood evacuation; Malcolm deals with being grounded even in the emergency shelter; Francis suffers through a date with a geeky 12-year-old.
Source: TMDB
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Got the bricks?
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Yee-haw! Whoo-wee!
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Hang on, Dewey!
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- Eight more seconds for the record! - Yeah!
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
lifeunfair
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Dewey, wanna go with me to take the old couch to the dump?
couchdeweydump
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- No, I wanna watch cartoons. - Are you kidding?
cartoonskiddingwatchwatch-cartoons
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Come on!
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Hey, guys. Sorry, I'm late.
late
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Congratulations, you're grounded.
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Your father and Reese nearly killed themselves.
fatherkillednearlyreese
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- Yeah, but-- - No. You're grounded.
grounded
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Two weeks in your room, no TV, no friends, no phone.
friendsphoneroomweeks
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But I was doing homework. I thought it would be okay.
homework
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This is totally unfair!
unfair
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Okay, when did I sit in tar?
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♪ When we get to the garbage dump ♪
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- ♪ Three tons of maggots ♪ - ♪ Two gigantic rats ♪
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♪ And a stench That will buckle your knees ♪
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Yahoo!
yahoo
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Excuse me. Can you tell us where we should dump this couch?
couchdumpexcuse
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Ah!
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Oh, for the love of...
love
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We didn't even get to see it land.
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Well, son, I guess our work here is done.
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You are so dead.
dead
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Francis, I couldn't go out with Laura unless I found somebody for her sister.
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You're here, so try to enjoy your date.
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She's 12.
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You guys want tattoos?
tattoos
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So she's not the one. You can have a good time.
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How could you do this to me?
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Come on. You've done way worse to me. You totally deserve this.
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Based on what?
based
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Will you Jethros just shut up?
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Nobody cares how many bales of hay you can lift!
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So now we know, pigs can swim, cows can't.
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This is ridiculous.
ridiculous
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When did "fascist" become such a hot button?
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I have only been a good friend to you.
friend
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Look, Francis, I'm not gonna argue.
arguefrancis
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You'll do this or I'll punch your face through the back of your head.
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See? I trump you with logic, you resort to violence.
logicresorttrumpviolence
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I just want that on the record.
record
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Mmm. Ice cream. What a wonderful, unexpected treat for some of us.
creamtreatunexpected
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Yes, Reese, you get to eat ice cream and I don't.
creamreese
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Thank you for subtly illustrating that point.
point
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I'll get it.
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Mmm. Sprinkles. Aren't those your favorite, Malcolm?
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I'm rubbing my butt on your pillowcase.
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Oh, boy. Reese, what did you do?
reese
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Sir, we have to evacuate the neighborhood. I need you to leave.
evacuateneighborhood
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What? Evacuating? Why?
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There's a toxic chemical spill a mile away. A train derailed.
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How?
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Some idiot left a couch on the tracks.
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- I wonder if-- - Careful, son.
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Don't wanna drip.
drip
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I repeat, if you're not in need of immediate first aid,
immediaterepeat
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find an available cot,
available
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remain calm and wait for further instructions.
calmfurtherinstructionsremainremain-calm
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Will you look at this?
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I hope they find whoever's responsible and string him up by his thumbs.
hoperesponsiblestringthumbswhoevers
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Hey, uh, don't you think you're overreacting?
overreacting
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I mean, my family is exposed to dangerous chemicals all the time.
chemicalsdangerousexposedfamily
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I remember I accidentally set off a flea bomb in the boys' room
accidentallybombboysflearememberroom
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when my son, Dewey, was in there taking a nap.
dewey
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I can smell colors.
colorssmell
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I've got two overturned tankers out there
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spewing out sulfuric acid and sodium hydroxide.
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That can scar your throat and lungs.
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It's not necessarily fatal.
fatalnecessarily
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Maybe you'd need an artificial larynx, but you'd still be alive.
aliveartificial
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That would be so cool.
cool
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My name is Reese. What are you looking at?
lookingnamereese
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Son, please. Has anyone died yet?
died
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- Not that I'm aware of. - What if the wind shifts?
awareshiftswind
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Is the water supply gonna be contaminated? Food? Medical personnel?
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How can we be sure that these people are safe?
safe
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I don't know all of the answers. I'm just a high school senior.
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Are we gonna order tonight?
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This is important. This is the only booth she hasn't been felt up in.
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Have another doughnut, lonely girl.
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- So you like school? - You're blocking my light!
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Check it. Some idiot left the storage closet unlocked.
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I've got every Dixie Cup in the place.
place
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- What are you doing with those? - Building a future, my friend.
buildingfriendfuture
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I can't believe this place. This cot smells like feet.
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We have to make the best of it.
best
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Where do you think you're going?
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I'm going to look around.
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You are not going anywhere.
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- What? Here? - That's right.
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Look around. We're living in a gym!
living
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That doesn't change what you did.
change
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Mom, we can all die.
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If that happens, you're off the hook.
happenshook
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Until then, I want those buns on that cot.
buns
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Now.
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Uh, excuse me. Listen, I was just wondering
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if there was something that I could do to help.
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Not that there's any real reason.
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I'm just looking to do my part.
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- I think we got it well covered. - There must be something.
coveredmust
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I don't care if it's messy or trivial or even life-threatening...
carelifelife-threateningmessythreateningtrivial
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I'd appreciate it if you'd return to your area.
appreciateareareturn
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Please, you have to find some way for me to be useful.
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I have got to ease these people's suffering.
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They have to know that I am here for them.
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Is that pepper spray?
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I also have a whistle and I'm prepared to use that as well!
preparedwhistle
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I'd be happy to give you some, but you should ask your parents first.
happyparents
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I can't. They're dead.
dead
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What?
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They were killed by the cloud. Can I have some?
cloudkilled
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Oh, my God, you poor thing.
poor
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They were choking.
choking
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It was awful.
awful
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Can I have the one with nuts?
nuts
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Oh, of course, dear.
coursedear
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Toxic chemical spill has been reported in the area...
areachemicalreportedspilltoxic
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Where did they go?
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Don't worry. They'll be back in a few hours.
hoursworry
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They took the car?
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Hey, you went to the bathroom. You gave them the opening.
bathroomopening
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That's it. Get your books. We're getting out of here.
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No, I wanna eat.
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No, we're going.
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I'm not leaving till I eat!
leavingtill
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Would you keep it down, please?
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You were nicer when we were on the Internet.
internetnicer
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You can't pull this crap.
pull
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I have three brothers. I know every manipulation.
brothersmanipulationthree
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So get your butt in gear.
buttgear
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No, if I go home now, Laura will get busted.
bustedhomelaura
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- We're supposed to be at the mall. - What do you care?
caremallsupposed
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Let me tell you about your sister.
sister
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She doesn't like you. Treats you like dirt.
dirttreats
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Well, she does.
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It's not your fault. You don't deserve that.
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No one deserves that. She's the one with the problem.
deservesproblem
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I'm sure you have nice qualities that people don't--
qualities
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Waitress! Can we get some service?
servicewaitress
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Yes?
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I want the burger plate, extra fries and a chocolate malt.
burgerchocolateextrafriesmaltplate
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Then they were trapped in the car and they told me to get help,
trapped
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and I ran and I ran, then I fell down.
fell
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And when I woke up, the ambulance man was holding me.
ambulanceholdingwoke
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And your parents were...
parents
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Oh, you poor little boy.
poor
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That looks like fun.
fun
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What is wrong with you? Give that to him!
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What can I say? We're all trying to get through as best we can.
best
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Thank you.
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And in these disasters,
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it's always the children who suffer the most.
childrensuffer
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No, no, no! You're not talking to him. He's grounded.
grounded
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Looks like you need a cup.
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- That would be great, thanks. - I wish it were that simple.
simplethankswish
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What are you talking about?
↓
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Is that your truck out there with the canned fruit?
cannedfruittruck
↓
fe978211-00d8-45a5-93a5-34fe648ab48e.gif
Yeah. Why?
↓
0923544d-55e0-4814-95f8-ea66fc9c4782.gif
Let's take a walk.
walk
↓
985a8eb1-9fba-49d0-a50e-7e4e58e1b37c.gif
There! That should take care of that wobble, huh?
carewobble
↓
71e2f7c1-257b-42d9-b075-5db0434bfeac.gif
Is it too drafty? Should we move you from the window?
window
↓
f819b275-0766-42d8-a339-f82d342f4365.gif
No, no, we're fine. Thanks for the help.
thanks
↓
b9e2f713-c20c-4fae-8c01-5e3fe7eb6f79.gif
Well, that's what this is all about. Helping each other out.
helping
↓
61577ff7-01e4-499f-a0c2-6c8c6bb0bc22.gif
The kind of thing that we should be focusing on.
focusing
↓
7314ae59-f796-497a-81ff-69e4e17125a5.gif
Not a witch hunt, pointing fingers, blame, blame!
blamefingershuntpointingwitch
↓
c660626e-8198-41a9-be8d-00a1a39b245a.gif
We are bigger than that, aren't we, honey?
biggerhoney
↓
204b12ef-557b-4c8c-b57e-cb03d8905c6b.gif
- Who wants a bedtime story? - Can't you make him go away?
bedtimestorywants
↓
4212fcd6-68df-410d-8a2b-bd325eb8fb55.gif
She is precious.
precious
↓
7d1fd8dc-a2ce-47f4-96c3-ccdd87974aba.gif
Okay.
↓
82202311-8471-4dc3-ab2f-17e4226329af.gif
Did you find the boy whose parents were killed?
killedparents
↓
ad2f3686-9f0f-4fdc-a8b7-95fc366376e3.gif
Not yet.
↓
12dcd92a-7daa-4008-a09c-4be98439e9da.gif
Excuse me. Did you say killed?
excusekilled
↓
3522ceb0-ffbe-4d49-84eb-34ed7cc19570.gif
They were killed by the gas cloud.
cloudkilled
↓
9ca45b16-3efc-4f07-9f4b-07f2ac8704db.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
e9d65738-7786-41f3-844d-d3f9b43293f6.gif
The boy's mother saved him with her very last breath.
boysbreathmothersaved
↓
87842cd3-7f96-4f20-849f-a3172a07c479.gif
And then the poor boy had to strangle his own dog
poorstrangle
↓
458c4096-3650-4de6-8141-b75b16a40380.gif
just to stop its suffering.
suffering
↓
960c5c09-8ab6-4fb4-9942-d4d7b29fb461.gif
And on his birthday!
birthday
↓
2dd435ec-fbed-4b11-90ac-1ac094ddf15f.gif
Yes?
↓
6276165f-1fb7-49cd-b895-37296c8c0c37.gif
I want apple pie a la mode,
applemode
↓
d0112f51-2af5-437c-9381-85fa596d761e.gif
some chocolate cake and a banana split.
bananacakechocolatechocolate-cakesplit
↓
4e04aad4-6fb1-4c73-8618-1acc464e8792.gif
Sure thing.
↓
c5e314bb-df88-4f1f-a0b4-afa2b6fd14db.gif
Why don't you save me money and yell at your sister
moneysavesisteryell
↓
96059f72-b764-4894-8469-a9af63542e12.gif
instead of burying your anger in a mountain of fries?
angerburyingfriesmountain
↓
37025b31-6bbc-4996-aede-c2680d1d84e2.gif
You calling me fat?
calling
↓
07c6b1a0-ce70-4473-af8f-d1f471da3cca.gif
What? No, I'm not calling you fat.
calling
↓
ac1277cd-b4c6-4d34-8b86-a6b32979ff47.gif
So now I'm a liar?
liar
↓
0f7b07e1-0d8f-4ff6-93bc-1fd7c1258191.gif
No, you're twisting around everything I say. Why do you do that?
twisting
↓
09d1b0f9-28dc-41f7-b1a8-221e7e946ee6.gif
You hurt my feelings.
feelingshurt
↓
95484af8-db57-46d3-883e-7f2b095dfd1b.gif
Okay, would you just keep it down, please?
↓
b2df4585-cfa0-4dfe-9d42-91319dfa3620.gif
- I'm sorry. - Why do you touch your hair so much?
hairtouch
↓
844ca8c3-8e94-4d95-8409-995a610b458e.gif
I don't touch my hair that much. Why is everyone so fixated on my hair?
fixatedhairtouch
↓
d79087f8-684f-4dd2-9b4f-8d9ec0ef98e8.gif
- Okay, okay, relax. - I...
relax
↓
927f4f3c-587d-40b1-b52b-1497943f8e96.gif
I don't wanna talk about it.
↓
f1c0be10-e914-4e8a-bdc8-b40010d45f62.gif
People make fun of me.
fun
↓
167d2873-0e24-4865-863f-24fad8bc82f3.gif
The guys at school call me poodlehead.
poodleheadschool
↓
6e167c7e-520c-4f4a-93ca-2e0832383b19.gif
That is so cruel.
cruel
↓
62e3c9f3-430a-4fe0-bff1-e9a9f50dfd56.gif
I mean, I can see it, but still...
↓
73e76075-bcb6-43bc-843b-04ad5243aab7.gif
I gotta tell you, I'm so good, it's scary.
scary
↓
662dc35f-b482-4c4e-9743-babc77fd2a9a.gif
What are you doing with toilet paper?
papertoilettoilet-paper
↓
a80411aa-dafd-4685-86ce-c42d7ca182f4.gif
I got my hands on some canned fruit.
cannedfruithands
↓
17c4596a-46fa-4585-8ae3-d416e2e7458c.gif
Traded those for batteries, the batteries for DVDs.
batteriestraded
↓
e2dc3667-2c5a-4e20-9219-a5758067c699.gif
And I swapped those with the janitor
janitorswapped
↓
8f7c72b7-d8ce-4fea-87fa-f8bc290dfd24.gif
for the school's entire supply of toilet paper.
entirepaperschoolssupplytoilettoilet-paper
↓
af83a933-87c0-435e-9c2e-4e2f0c6ac573.gif
Once the specially "seasoned" meat loaf works its magic,
loafmagicmeatmeat-loafworks
↓
7a4ca0ea-c6ed-4a79-a5ad-58ea28332007.gif
I can name my price.
nameprice
↓
c279a4c1-c42b-4e8a-b64b-088df515507e.gif
You know, that's not only unbelievably evil,
evilunbelievably
↓
648ece01-e6cb-40d8-9af4-786ef48132c2.gif
but you put in some thought and effort. I'm impressed.
effortimpressed
↓
3feccbd8-438c-43a0-abb7-2c7f97d396ed.gif
I don't know what it is.
↓
66f162f8-5a74-4db2-8d98-93a179af1e8a.gif
I guess when people are miserable, it brings out the best in me.
bestbringsmiserable
↓
ba596e8d-16f5-4379-b4ea-7d820820825a.gif
- Thanks for noticing. - Hi, guys.
noticingthanks
↓
83c27b00-32d1-4b15-90bf-5535be524b35.gif
Dabney, did you bring your PalmPilot?
bringdabney
↓
fc13f0df-2265-42e7-9a24-9a5ddb7e9862.gif
- Yeah. - Good to know.
↓
bd26531f-503e-4454-ba14-b840543138c2.gif
Hey, isn't this great?
↓
77ffe9c7-b937-4ba8-bdfc-abf0d965b953.gif
I wouldn't know.
↓
5e7a8f69-c68a-4b40-8da8-1450d3fd9043.gif
Come on, we get to hang out in the gym
hang
↓
c71d699d-4087-4185-8361-e607967ad206.gif
without worrying about dodgeballs or getting pantsed.
worrying
↓
a5cefc70-9fc9-4ad7-aa55-63d8f6a22f2e.gif
It's a dream come true. We actually get to live in the school.
dreamliveschool
↓
850f6fdc-9d5a-4591-9661-7293bce06b09.gif
Check this out!
check
↓
83261021-35f7-434b-b613-993de8198c80.gif
The key to the girls' locker room.
girlslockerlocker-roomroom
↓
43e980eb-8cfc-4c88-b5dd-a1497d210ed9.gif
We were actually standing where girls take showers naked.
girlsnakedshowersstanding
↓
d8650e01-7a24-4d6c-8c83-53e99a8cde5e.gif
- Or so I'm told. - Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
0972efaa-79b9-4c2a-8ec6-93d005968d99.gif
No visitors. You shouldn't be talking to him.
visitors
↓
d818469f-635b-487e-95be-67d7d15ffee6.gif
Everyone, this is my son.
↓
4ee97ae9-861b-4417-8ba2-d07e300c2263.gif
He's being punished. No one should talk to him.
punished
↓
42cadcba-e631-4e70-a491-c0881dbc99d0.gif
For God's sake, they came over to say hi.
godsgods-sakesake
↓
8f8a79d9-65b7-4d78-9d78-efc2bfe6eccd.gif
- I took the key to the girls' locker room. - Don't tell our mothers.
girlslockerlocker-roommothersroom
↓
0d318c23-9d55-4a56-92f7-aa12d4a418a9.gif
I'm so ashamed.
ashamed
↓
a203fdfe-d091-4fed-a9c7-21e603590706.gif
- What? - You did that just to humiliate me.
humiliate
↓
c99d71f6-3ca5-4acb-b840-9c4a7787bccd.gif
- Is that what you think? - Yes.
↓
5216c0d9-174d-45fa-b20e-49404bf7c122.gif
It was completely unjustified.
completely
↓
30a47724-810a-4ea4-96cc-fb0b2dc67134.gif
And I want you to know, I am never gonna forget this.
forget
↓
4ed4cdd2-333f-45e3-9929-beca4c0dcc31.gif
Well, good. It will be the first time in 10 years
years
↓
f5656c37-69d7-44d9-ab77-193058a1fffd.gif
the punishment's stuck.
punishmentsstuck
↓
656a0f18-db9c-4436-a341-09c108a8bf48.gif
People, please, the money we raise cannot bring back his parents,
bringcannotmoneyparentsraise
↓
fd7ba47c-cfa7-402f-b358-f663b0a4b46c.gif
We're his only family now.
family
↓
353dd03a-29db-4bda-a3ce-eea7d163534e.gif
Hasn't that poor boy suffered enough from the train wreck?
poorsufferedtraintrain-wreckwreck
↓
05f40dc1-0bab-4d6a-bb9a-00c59166df6b.gif
Which, by the way, is a surprisingly common occurrence
commonsurprisingly
↓
8f9ba6cb-645c-4acf-a87c-518466ec477d.gif
when looked at in a nationwide context.
contextlookednationwide
↓
22d1f5ce-d19a-4189-8f06-e7612928f081.gif
We've got to give till it hurts.
hurtstill
↓
eda1014c-7ca6-4aab-907a-b2c6ffd9f950.gif
It might be hard to get my hands on five blankets.
blanketsfivehandshardmight
↓
13cd4475-8681-4941-b08b-b842a2b478b5.gif
- I need them. My family's freezing. - A lot of people are cold.
coldfamilysfreezing
↓
825e4d67-aa07-48eb-bab9-76a290fd6b60.gif
It's a real problem. How about the watch?
problemrealreal-problemwatch
↓
e188e317-c3c5-4405-80b1-358650a697eb.gif
The guy before me only had to give you his socks.
socks
↓
e795f9d0-2556-4b24-b192-913792bb01a6.gif
It's a cold world. Getting colder by the minute.
coldminuteworld
↓
d5353cef-8e20-4ef3-b3d5-56a9f1ecb487.gif
You're an evil, little punk.
evilpunk
↓
30266e82-ef28-4a17-b22b-d98976153cc1.gif
Uh-uh. Socks too.
socks
↓
d3567b56-904b-4191-8565-e45b124f06d7.gif
And Dave told me they were just studying, but they were having a pizza party.
davehavingpartypizzastudying
↓
de86dbc4-17cd-4228-b616-726fd1614be7.gif
You're kidding.
kidding
↓
a5fd7a6e-d5cd-4839-b0bf-bf0b267c53b5.gif
They came to my room and asked for napkins.
askednapkinsroom
↓
e7cc4b46-43cb-4075-916b-c59cfa90ed79.gif
I couldn't tell them how hurt I was
hurt
↓
68bbfe14-45fe-4061-9207-2ffcdc0f471e.gif
because you gotta keep up this front of being tough.
fronttough
↓
004a599c-e94d-46a2-abc2-0751457111c3.gif
They have no idea who I am. If they knew I kept a dream journal...
dreamideajournal
↓
818c54bc-546b-40a6-b0eb-24b0cea36731.gif
You do? I think that's so cool.
cool
↓
00847f92-5504-4c33-901b-20a7942eca10.gif
Really?
↓
450de837-0f44-43a9-a89e-083cc2283b12.gif
I do too.
↓
2eaae629-c295-401e-bd50-345e361bb388.gif
I'll tell you,
↓
b965b0cd-3c2f-48f6-bb36-417693a4238c.gif
if they got a hold of that, I'd never hear the end.
↓
dc1c035c-86e8-4c34-9478-65d892a5a1a0.gif
You don't have to care what they think.
care
↓
7654bc2b-8d14-469e-974a-7a061d99cfa8.gif
What about your sister?
sister
↓
26dee2bb-48cb-4042-b61d-1cc0c606defd.gif
She's an idiot.
idiot
↓
ea6df05f-b617-4743-a35a-d6ad36c045d2.gif
Good for you.
↓
4037d03f-61b8-455d-b413-572c554bd5ee.gif
People around here are freaks.
freaks
↓
87930315-9601-4adf-9e4f-9223adfb8279.gif
Some nights, I lock myself in my room and spin my globe.
globelocknightsroomspin
↓
5a37c348-ae7c-46d2-b61a-bea3637efacf.gif
Wherever I point my finger, I pretend that's where I live.
fingerlivepointpretend
↓
8ae6a45b-28ab-4381-b630-5f0f02d951c4.gif
- I do that too. - Really?
↓
026c9ffe-a302-4dbd-ae73-5302b18f3034.gif
And you'll feel the cold worse than anyone.
coldworse
↓
0e430ff6-8b41-4a42-a92b-16f849aff2b9.gif
Because, let's face it, your circulation isn't that good to begin with.
begincirculationface
↓
bb90765f-64d1-4748-9404-59c6930dfc3e.gif
That little boy doesn't need clothes or an education.
clotheseducation
↓
90a4f4cb-324f-40ab-b118-0426011efbdd.gif
Let's put him in the mines like they did when you were a girl.
girlmines
↓
2bc46a43-aad7-4c2e-822c-428d0aaf281b.gif
I'm on a fixed income.
fixedincome
↓
eaefb324-0fa1-4905-9004-8f66f08f962f.gif
Give me my shoe.
shoe
↓
09fb9c23-791d-4919-bc0b-b2dc3a8b6614.gif
Right here. Come and get it.
↓
19112b14-ce8c-4298-9cd0-0d41cf91ea90.gif
What's the matter?
matter
↓
f7053a77-26a2-485c-a89c-9d6c611dc7b7.gif
Was somebody a bad boy?
somebody
↓
0b8f8c42-f51a-4f93-86e4-7da287ff8e3b.gif
Does the bad boy want his shoe back?
shoe
↓
bea50a70-d3bb-4350-ae2e-f0b9eec7548d.gif
Malcolm! Back on the cot.
malcolm
↓
a8c0aff0-ed99-4b0a-8b79-1495d312efcb.gif
He's got my shoe.
shoe
↓
3e5da95e-bb54-4bc5-9ec5-bbf8ce192f02.gif
Get back on the cot. I'll take care of this.
care
↓
b0d5ff77-26a3-43f3-8ee7-e5c7b6194721.gif
Is Mommy gonna take care of it for you?
caremommy
↓
fe8a20c6-a5da-4d17-bd7a-191e4076cf30.gif
Malcolm, get back on that cot.
malcolm
↓
27e75d53-203c-4e0a-9ef3-ae7534c782c8.gif
No.
↓
f99dc904-f0f8-4620-bf02-b9deaaffbd9b.gif
Excuse me?
excuse
↓
2a277983-27d1-483f-8499-e1429f34145f.gif
I've had it. I quit.
quit
↓
ec804849-f708-4af4-8c11-844f4f29bb74.gif
What do you mean?
↓
72b464df-e489-4d01-8561-e9eb439be18a.gif
I quit this stupid system.
quitstupidsystem
↓
b46ca17a-42b8-45ac-813f-f0712812f287.gif
The reason I'm being punished like this
punishedreason
↓
e0c1532d-a294-48dc-969d-df3fbc77cfe1.gif
is because I agreed to be punished like this.
agreedpunished
↓
3760424b-b058-41bf-8e04-0649ab04dda4.gif
And I'm not gonna agree anymore.
agreeanymore
↓
5d04e8a4-342d-4f4d-b1cb-dda15d2032a3.gif
This isn't parenting. This is just sadism.
parenting
↓
54a32780-2ba3-47db-b168-f31b30c0e50c.gif
- Oh, you think I enjoy this? - Yes, I do.
enjoy
↓
a6c6b871-3d66-4c1e-a628-2a93cc48df8c.gif
And I am way too old for this.
↓
a05f3de2-73ff-4341-9a10-e9b23bd59cdf.gif
We are gonna find some other way of dealing with each other.
dealing
↓
e16ac1e9-04a1-4e99-80bd-575a84e3cf16.gif
We are gonna change the rules.
changerules
↓
b5ea34f5-25fa-4792-8742-dcb54734633c.gif
What were you planning to do?
planning
↓
81e7b43e-9159-427b-af6d-bd3088550e4e.gif
Take away my TV when I'm married?
married
↓
cd4ed790-ebec-4362-a8d5-c0eefc8b2b14.gif
Give me a time-out when I'm 30?
↓
72600e2d-c9fb-46a2-b287-340abbf70a23.gif
What? Am I supposed to be scared?
scaredsupposed
↓
6b64ed54-02c0-4d4e-b828-ee5cabab25fd.gif
- What are you going to do, spank me? - Okay.
spank
↓
0b7cbedd-a2f9-445c-b3c8-2a933ab570e1.gif
Mom, what are you doing?
↓
b52a3007-ce24-4f0a-9700-1e153f317fbd.gif
Mom, cut it out.
↓
d50acb92-afe8-46c5-bed2-1305044a2571.gif
I don't know what you're doing. How did she get so strong?
strong
↓
4e3935e2-e544-4a28-9467-e99ce85ac4a2.gif
When I can't do this, we'll change the rules.
changerules
↓
03c30abc-224a-406e-bf01-a8e0ce71479c.gif
Five hundred and 63 dollars?
dollarsfivefive-hundredhundred
↓
cbe50dd3-93fe-4d57-9884-06503c335193.gif
Come on, people.
↓
6f7fbb98-1811-4035-8d5f-1550364ce29b.gif
Huh?
↓
5b0c9353-253a-44e2-ac5e-50eeff9aab4d.gif
Okay, fine.
↓
1555036b-3a64-4ba6-9732-f1391d406503.gif
I'll just say, "Sorry, little crooked boy.
crooked
↓
57c0b741-2d66-4674-be08-6ef00a84fb16.gif
You can always get a job in the circus
circus
↓
add06de3-fa68-4cdb-8c97-00247ff75ccc.gif
while the rest of us drive our Porsches and eat our T-bone steaks."
bonedrivereststeaks
↓
9a9db235-24b4-4cfe-8e44-28fdf7d13e35.gif
Dad, can we go home now?
home
↓
771b04c1-68ec-412e-813d-79e1f74014b4.gif
- My stomach hurts. - Not now, son.
hurtsstomachstomach-hurts
↓
323e8252-ca8e-43b1-919e-bba311240ff3.gif
That your kid?
↓
d666f75c-f862-42af-872d-fd74937ed2a4.gif
This guy has been collecting money for his own kid!
collectingmoney
↓
33a51a78-0340-48f0-8f8f-7a69bfff51a2.gif
Did you tell these people--
↓
8678fb13-3fd2-4378-ac4f-ddc52966fcde.gif
What the hell you trying to pull here?
pull
↓
c795186a-2b6f-4686-9b1d-ae2dcecf5580.gif
He's been yanking our chain!
chainyanking
↓
9ad361cb-17cf-460f-86b2-cda061187b2f.gif
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
↓
4dcef69f-63ce-402f-b6ef-d43abbbdb99e.gif
I didn't know anything about this.
↓
ca6a8069-e556-49bb-b917-812c627a9b0d.gif
And if he lied to you, well, I can assure you
assurelied
↓
aa552c7c-eae8-4516-a260-b8f9cebb59a9.gif
that is not the kind of behavior I allow in my family.
allowbehaviorfamily
↓
c5303fba-b715-45a5-bd16-a3b5cea60d13.gif
Ow! Ow!
↓
715394c9-52fb-4f4b-9e5a-3e0de8faf7a7.gif
- Is this your son? - Reese?
reese
↓
9c1db36f-8a12-4b35-9835-0c5a8edad172.gif
He's running a black market.
blackmarketrunning
↓
b698d96d-ea9d-4c4e-b1d7-f238a4183879.gif
He had two diabetics bidding against each other for insulin.
biddinginsulin
↓
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That is a lie.
↓
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Okay. Now. Now, now, now, wait just a second.
second
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I know how this looks,
↓
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but if you just give me the chance to get to the bottom of this,
bottomchance
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I swear to you, I will make this right.
swear
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Come over here.
↓
e992732e-fdff-4253-91f4-99d18edd4571.gif
You boys have both behaved very badly.
badlybehavedboys
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So you are both going to apologize to these nice, generous people
apologizegenerous
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like you have never apologized before.
apologized
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Do you hear me?
↓
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Dewey, come on. Go ahead.
aheaddeweygo-ahead
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Nice and loud.
loud
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We're sorry we left the couch on the tracks
couchlefttracks
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and wrecked the train.
trainwrecked
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- Reese, run! Run! - Hey, stop him.
reese
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Well, this is it.
↓
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Maybe I'll call you.
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Whatever.
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Hey, I, uh...
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I had a good time.
↓
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Me too. You're, like, a really good girlfriend.
girlfriend
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Thanks.
thanks
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a3ef196c-0e77-4db8-89e1-e284d9264173.gif
Hey, sorry about tonight.
tonight
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Yeah, well, your plan to palm me off on a 12-year-old backfired
backfiredpalmplan
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because I actually had a really good time.
↓
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Well, good for you, poodlehead.
poodlehead
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You know what? I don't care about your childish taunts anymore.
anymorecarechildish
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You can call me anything you like.
↓
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- I think I'll stick with poodlehead. - Fine.
poodleheadstick
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I'm glad it doesn't bother you when I call you poodlehead.
bothergladpoodlehead
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- I gotta tell you, poodlehead-- - Shut up!
poodlehead
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Do not set foot outside this area.
areafoot
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Not one foot.
foot
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I would just like to get one thing clear.
clear
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When we go home, you fellows are still gonna
fellowshome
↓
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be a presence in the community, right?
communitypresence
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If I wasn't in uniform, I'd take a swing at you myself.
swinguniform
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Fair enough.
fair
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b7cbfbbe-e959-4a8a-861d-a43817f60121.gif
Are you telling me that I can't discipline my own child?
childdisciplinetelling
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Lady, we got a lot of angry people in there.
angrylady
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I think it's best you stay out here with the other troublemakers.
best
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They'd like us to stay inside the box.
theyd
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This is outrageous.
outrageous
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2e825436-325a-477a-9532-b47e7abade6e.gif
- We're gonna freeze to death out here. - What did we do?
deathfreeze
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Maybe Malcolm can bring us a couple blankets. Come on.
blanketsbringcouplemalcolm
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Malcolm! Can you get us some blankets?
blanketsmalcolm
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Help us out here.
↓
ee60bacd-8000-4e1b-a145-53fec24c676e.gif
It's cold out here.
cold
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f35f11a0-f395-474b-a792-37640a1552ce.gif
I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to leave my cot.
supposed
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Don't think you won't suffer the consequences later, mister.
consequencesmistersuffer