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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S13E01 — The Gang Makes Paddy's Great Again
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Season 13, Episode 1 — The Gang Makes Paddy's Great Again
What an awesome night it's been, huh?
#1
⇓
- Yeah. - Good night, what a night.
#2
⇓
You know, you know, when I first started working at Paddy's,
#3
⇓
this place was way more likely to host a dog fight
#4
⇓
than an event like tonight.
#5
⇓
In fact, when I first walked in, there were two dogs fighting.
#6
⇓
- Sure. - They were, like, strays or something
#7
⇓
that had wandered in? No one noticed.
#8
⇓
- I don't know. - Anyway, the point is,
#9
⇓
that this place has changed.
#10
⇓
You know? It's really evolved.
#11
⇓
And it's been so welcoming of this brown-skinned girl
#12
⇓
and her liberal ideals.
#13
⇓
Which is saying a lot,
#15
⇓
since the first time I met Frank, he pulled a gun on me.
#16
⇓
Misunderstanding. Not racial.
#17
⇓
Thanks, Frank. Anyway, the point is, Paddy's is now a place
#18
⇓
where progressive-minded people like us can feel at home.
#19
⇓
And I think that is worth a round of applause.
#20
⇓
Yeah.
#21
⇓
Oh.
#22
⇓
You think those liberal morons bought it?
#23
⇓
- Oh, yeah! - They bought every word you said.
#24
⇓
Oh, we've never been this successful.
#25
⇓
This wine is selling like crazy.
#26
⇓
And look, it's called "Conservative Whine,"
#27
⇓
but it's spelled with an "H," 'cause it's like "We're whining."
#28
⇓
It's a pun. It's a play on the word "wine."
#29
⇓
Yeah. Yeah, Mac, I get it. I came up with it.
#30
⇓
- Yeah. yeah. - Yeah, so smart. Shut up, Mac.
#31
⇓
- So smart. - I get it, I get it.
#32
⇓
We're squeezing those liberal boners for all they got,
#33
⇓
and we're just gonna keep on squeezing them.
#34
⇓
- Yeah. - Uh, no, we're not.
#35
⇓
- No, we're not. - Dee, try to keep up, man.
#36
⇓
- Okay? - I'm sorry.
#37
⇓
- Got to keep up. - Look.
#38
⇓
These liberals are easy.
#39
⇓
It's the conservative crowd we're going after.
#40
⇓
- How? - Nice. How? Whatcha thinking?
#41
⇓
Oh, uh, a little thing like...
#42
⇓
All right.
#44
⇓
- Hello, guys! Welcome! - Hello.
#45
⇓
Thank you for letting me host
#46
⇓
- the planning evening. - Uh-huh. What'd you make?
#47
⇓
Yes, I made Mac's Famous Mac and Cheese
#48
⇓
and some energy drinks for everybody.
#49
⇓
It's all he ever makes and it's un-edible.
#50
⇓
Okay, whatever. Let's get to the plan.
#51
⇓
Uh, ooh, ooh. Sorry, um, for interrupting.
#52
⇓
I just wanted to do the unveiling first, if that's cool.
#53
⇓
- The unveiling of what? - Okay, everybody,
#54
⇓
are you ready?
#55
⇓
Bam.
#56
⇓
- All right, what's up? - What's going on?
#57
⇓
Oh, well, I-I got into really good shape.
#58
⇓
Am I hitting the light right?
#59
⇓
- Wh-What... what's happening? - Why?
#60
⇓
- Why? - Hmm.
#61
⇓
I don't know, I thought maybe we could use it.
#62
⇓
Use it for what?
#63
⇓
For the bar.
#64
⇓
- How? - How?
#65
⇓
Well, Cindy, do you think maybe we could fit this into the plan?
#66
⇓
I don't think so. I r...
#67
⇓
I don't really know what's going on here, though.
#68
⇓
- Me, neither. - Yeah, no one ever really knows
#69
⇓
what's going on with Mac. He's fat, he's skinny,
#70
⇓
- he's muscular, it's... - It's best to ignore it.
#71
⇓
It's really a cry for help and attention, I think, so...
#72
⇓
- Yeah. - Mm.
#73
⇓
...what you do in that situation is you ignore those.
#74
⇓
Yeah, treat it like a baby. Treat it like a toddler.
#75
⇓
We're not gonna... put it into the plan?
#76
⇓
That make sense?
#77
⇓
- Yeah. Okay. - Why did I... why did I do it?
#78
⇓
- Nobody knows. - We don't know.
#79
⇓
- So, I have a great plan. - Should I put my shirt on?
#80
⇓
- But... - I think that's best.
#81
⇓
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, congrats, Mac, it looks really good.
#82
⇓
- Good job. - Can we figure out a way
#83
⇓
- to incorporate later? - Let's just move past it now,
#84
⇓
- 'cause it's dinnertime. - Yeah?
#85
⇓
You guys like me, right?
#86
⇓
- So... - Okay,
#87
⇓
I have a plan how we are gonna shut down Murphy's Pub.
#88
⇓
What's that?
#89
⇓
- What's Murphy's Pub? What is that? - Wait, what is that?
#90
⇓
Murphy's Pub? It's around the corner from you guys.
#91
⇓
- Oh, the bar, the bar. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
#92
⇓
The super successful bar around the corner.
#93
⇓
- They do well. - Why would we shut that down?
#94
⇓
Because they do, like, five times
#95
⇓
- the business that we do. - They do?
#96
⇓
Yeah, so we're gonna poach their customers, shut them down,
#97
⇓
thereby making Paddy's great again.
#98
⇓
- Whoa! That is so smart. - That is smart.
#99
⇓
Why have we never thought about doing that?
#100
⇓
I don't know, we're gonna steal their customers.
#101
⇓
Ah, this is the waitress. Do you guys mind if I get this?
#102
⇓
Yeah, we're right in the middle...
#103
⇓
Hey, honey. Sorry, I'm in a meeting. Are you just...
#104
⇓
You're just checking in?
#105
⇓
I don't know. Is the TV just not working?
#106
⇓
All right.
#107
⇓
Can I call you later or something, 'cause I'm just...
#108
⇓
We're super bu... we're in the thing.
#109
⇓
Yeah, I'll check in later.
#110
⇓
- Sorry, she was just checking in. - Oh, cool.
#111
⇓
Yeah. All right, so what's up?
#112
⇓
- So, how are we gonna do this? - I'm gonna take you through the plan.
#113
⇓
There's a lot of moving pieces, and you each play
#114
⇓
- a crucial part. - It's here! It's here!
#115
⇓
Cindy, I am so sorry for interrupting,
#116
⇓
but it has finally arrived,
#117
⇓
and I think you are going to be very impressed
#118
⇓
with what is inside this crate.
#119
⇓
- Another rocket launcher. - No, Frank.
#120
⇓
Much cooler than that.
#121
⇓
- Oh! - Oh, my God!
#122
⇓
What am I looking at here, Mac?
#123
⇓
- What? What do you mean? - Oh...
#124
⇓
- Is that part of the plan? - No!
#127
⇓
Why did you get a sex doll of your old roommate?
#128
⇓
Because you told me to get one.
#129
⇓
- I definitely did not. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
#130
⇓
I was, I was super sad about my old roommate leaving,
#131
⇓
and you said I needed something Dennis-shaped to fill my hole.
#132
⇓
No, Mac, I said that you obviously had
#133
⇓
a Dennis-shaped hole in your life that you needed to fill.
#134
⇓
Okay, I obviously wanted you to, I don't know, maybe start dating
#136
⇓
or do something, not get a sex doll of your best friend.
#137
⇓
- No, not best friend. - Oh, whoa, whoa.
#138
⇓
- Yeah, sorry, not best friend. - He didn't like him much.
#139
⇓
in North Dakota, but it ended up being a mental health line.
#141
⇓
- Yeah. - He miswrote
#142
⇓
- one of the digits, and that... - Nah, he knew what he was doing.
#143
⇓
- He was avoiding him. - No, it was not a mistake.
#144
⇓
All right, well, look, guys, either way, it's not weird.
#145
⇓
It's not like I'm gonna have sex with it.
#146
⇓
No. It might just be cool to have around
#148
⇓
for, like, companionship, you know?
#149
⇓
- Nah, he wants to bang it. - I'm not gonna bang it.
#150
⇓
This is the waitress again. Should I get it?
#151
⇓
Oh, my God, come on.
#152
⇓
Okay, you know what, you know what, this is just...
#153
⇓
this is not gonna work here, all right?
#154
⇓
Let's just go.
#155
⇓
Please get rid of the doll.
#156
⇓
Yeah. Yeah, I'll get rid of the doll.
#157
⇓
It was a misunderstanding, you know?
#158
⇓
Like, I'm not gonna have sex with it.
#159
⇓
He is. The second we leave, he's gonna bang it.
#160
⇓
that Murphy's hired an alt-right figurehead
#163
⇓
to speak at their pub.
#164
⇓
gonna march for the speaker's First Amendment rights,
#166
⇓
and that is where Frank comes in.
#167
⇓
A tuba? What am I gonna do with a tuba?
#168
⇓
You're gonna play it to enflame the crowd.
#169
⇓
Dee, we're gonna need to distract Murphy's security guard
#170
⇓
- with a pretty blonde. - Okay.
#171
⇓
- You want me to go find one? - No. I'm talking about you.
#172
⇓
Oh, you want me to flirt? Oh, wow.
#173
⇓
Normally I'm on lookout while Dennis flirts.
#174
⇓
- But okay, I'm in. - Great. Next part of the plan.
#175
⇓
- Now, listen up... - Oh, hey, guys.
#176
⇓
So, so sorry. Cindy, I'm so sorry I'm late.
#177
⇓
- Got held up, but I am ready. - What is this?
#178
⇓
Why did you bring that thing? I told you to get rid of it!
#179
⇓
Oh, I tried, but apparently, I cannot return the doll
#180
⇓
due to the custom nature of the usage of the doll.
#181
⇓
- Banging its mouth. - Right.
#182
⇓
I guess some people do. I don't know, but I don't know.
#183
⇓
Either way, what do you guys think?
#184
⇓
- About what? - I'm shirtless in the duster.
#185
⇓
Oh, yeah. Why?
#186
⇓
- Well, I thought that could work. - Toward what?
#187
⇓
I don't know.
#188
⇓
This is Cindy's plan. Cindy, how does this work?
#189
⇓
It doesn't. Stop trying to shoehorn your shirtless-ness
#190
⇓
into plans that have no need for it.
#191
⇓
Well, I feel like this is what Dennis would've done.
#192
⇓
Yeah, but Dennis had a reason for it, man!
#193
⇓
And you're not Dennis! You're never gonna be, all right?
#194
⇓
- So just drop it. - This, by the way,
#195
⇓
It was his idea anyway, so...
#197
⇓
Well, not exactly, but you know, it was, like,
#199
⇓
- Oh. - And that's...
#202
⇓
- Nice one, man. - What?
#203
⇓
Oh, something the doll just said.
#204
⇓
The doll talks to you now?
#205
⇓
I was picturing what Dennis might've said in the situation
#207
⇓
and Dennis just said something really funny.
#208
⇓
- What was it? - Well, it was about you, Dee.
#209
⇓
I heard it. Oh, yeah.
#211
⇓
- I heard it. - It's...
#212
⇓
What the hell are you guys talking about?
#213
⇓
- It called me a bird. - Yes! It did.
#214
⇓
- Exactly. - So you did hear it.
#215
⇓
- We all heard it. - Bird.
#216
⇓
How is that funny?
#217
⇓
It's-it's really not.
#218
⇓
It's just the way Dennis would have said it.
#219
⇓
You can just sort of picture it coming out of his mouth.
#220
⇓
Okay, okay, cool, but, guys, can we just get back to the plan?
#221
⇓
- Yes. - Mac's shirtless plan, or...?
#222
⇓
- Mac's shirtless plan. - No, he did not have a plan.
#223
⇓
Our plan. My plan. To shut down Murphy's.
#224
⇓
Frank, tuba. Mac, Charlie,
#226
⇓
Okay? Any questions?
#228
⇓
Yes?
#229
⇓
The blowjob mouth, did it come standard on the doll
#230
⇓
It's not a blowjob mouth, Dee. Don't be crass.
#232
⇓
I requested that the doll feel as though
#233
⇓
"Liberal Tears." It's so funny
#237
⇓
because the liberals are always whining about stuff
#238
⇓
and the conservatives drink it up.
#239
⇓
- They're drinking their tears. - Uh, yeah, yeah.
#240
⇓
No, Cindy's brilliant, man.
#241
⇓
you know what I mean?
#243
⇓
Yeah, I had a good idea about the glitter.
#244
⇓
I was thinking maybe you would slather it
#245
⇓
Uh-huh. Why?
#247
⇓
Oh, well, that can just be a part of the plan, you know?
#248
⇓
It doesn't have anything to do with anything, though.
#249
⇓
Well, then why did I do all this working out, Charlie?
#250
⇓
Nobody knows, man.
#251
⇓
- Wow, Dee, you look great! - Really?
#253
⇓
Yeah, I hate to admit it,
#254
⇓
but this look's kind of working for you.
#255
⇓
Yeah, you might actually be able to distract that security guard.
#256
⇓
Nice.
#257
⇓
Whoa!
#258
⇓
- Frank, you got it, man! - Holy shit! Uh, look.
#259
⇓
Dee looks good, Frank's killing it on the tuba,
#260
⇓
we might actually be able to pull this thing off.
#261
⇓
I think we're gonna do it. I think...
#262
⇓
What happened?
#263
⇓
I can't do it.
#264
⇓
- Wh-Why? - What went wrong?
#265
⇓
He's staring right at me.
#266
⇓
So what?
#267
⇓
Look, I know it's just a lifeless thing
#268
⇓
that Mac pumps his loads into, but it's in my head.
#269
⇓
Again, guys, I am not having sex with the doll.
#270
⇓
- You unload in that doll. - You're having sex with the doll.
#271
⇓
- You unload into that doll. - I can smell it. Yeah.
#272
⇓
No, th-that's bleach. I cleaned him.
#273
⇓
- Well, then why did you clean it? - Why did you clean it?
#274
⇓
Look, I got to be honest. It's in my head, too.
#276
⇓
and it thinks I need more makeup.
#278
⇓
- Oh... - Oh, my God.
#279
⇓
Yeah, I can picture Dennis saying that to you right now.
#281
⇓
Yeah, it also thinks Mac looks fat.
#282
⇓
- What... No! - Oh, yeah.
#285
⇓
Dennis, Dennis, I am not fat. Look, I'm ripped.
#286
⇓
I don't know why he did it either, man. He just did it.
#287
⇓
- Well, there... It's a long story. - He's not impressed.
#288
⇓
What, you don't like the labels?
#289
⇓
It doesn't like the labels on the... these are dumb
#290
⇓
Liberal Tears," right. Does it say "tear"
#291
⇓
or does it say "tear"? It's confusing.
#292
⇓
Maybe I'll do a couple of crunches, though.
#293
⇓
I'm gonna go put some more lipstick on.
#294
⇓
I'm gonna, I'm gonna practice.
#295
⇓
Yeah... Oh. Yeah. Oh.
#296
⇓
Now I'm getting a call again. It's her again.
#297
⇓
Hey, honey.
#298
⇓
Yeah, I'm just, I'm working... still working with the ga...
#299
⇓
Yeah. Uh, they're all... You want to say hi or something?
#300
⇓
Tell her not to worry 'cause I'm doing crunches.
#301
⇓
Oh, yeah, no, he's doing crunches for Dennis.
#302
⇓
No, he's not back.
#303
⇓
It's... What do you care if Dennis is back?
#304
⇓
Look... Can I...
#305
⇓
Can we just catch up later when I get home from...
#306
⇓
Hang on. I just got an idea.
#307
⇓
So it's called "Liberal Tears."
#308
⇓
I don't know if it's confusing, that's not really the point.
#309
⇓
What I want to know is what do you think of this?
#310
⇓
I think it's super weird.
#311
⇓
Like in a good way or like...?
#312
⇓
Like in the creepiest possible way, Charlie.
#313
⇓
I mean, it's like Dennis is sitting in our apartment
#314
⇓
just staring at us.
#315
⇓
I know, but, like, look, you need someone to talk to, right?
#316
⇓
And I-I just, I can't be that guy right now.
#317
⇓
I'm so busy being a success and stuff.
#318
⇓
It's just, like, so much work.
#319
⇓
I'm sorry. You want me to talk to the doll?
#320
⇓
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And-and it's weird,
#321
⇓
'cause it's-it's kind of like he talks back to you.
#322
⇓
It's crazy. He's already shamed Mac, which was pretty funny.
#323
⇓
All right, I got to run.
#324
⇓
W-W-Wait. You're leaving? Can I come?
#325
⇓
Well, no, sweetie. It's... I-I got to go work at the bar.
#326
⇓
A-And that's gonna be a trigger for you with all the drinking...
#327
⇓
I feel like like you're always going to the bar...
#328
⇓
- ...and always running out. - Sweetie. Oh, sweetie, the feelings.
#329
⇓
N-N-No. The doll. That's what the doll is for.
#330
⇓
You talk to the doll,
#331
⇓
- and-and not me so much. - Charlie.
#332
⇓
Mm, sorry. I feel foolish.
#333
⇓
You had this, Frank, I heard you earlier.
#334
⇓
I know, but I'm all in my head about it.
#335
⇓
Okay, now that makes one, two, three.
#336
⇓
- Three bottles of wine. - Three?
#337
⇓
You guys have only done three bottles?
#338
⇓
Yeah. I'm sorry, Cindy. We just got a little distracted.
#339
⇓
- Yeah. - Wait. And what happened
#340
⇓
to the labels, those just say "wine."
#341
⇓
We thought "Liberal Tears" was maybe gonna be confusing,
#342
⇓
- you know? - Yeah, like,
#343
⇓
what if people read it like "tears"?
#344
⇓
You know, like, what are these liberals tearing?
#345
⇓
- And why are they tearing it? - Yeah.
#346
⇓
And, Dee, what is this?
#347
⇓
Oh, it's just a-a new lighting setup.
#348
⇓
It-it washes me out. It's-it's a better look.
#349
⇓
Guys, what is happening here?
#350
⇓
Everything was going so smoothly.
#351
⇓
Yeah, it's nothing. It's fine.
#352
⇓
No, it's nothing. W-We're doing good still, we're good.
#353
⇓
- Whatever. We got this. - Don't worry about us.
#354
⇓
- Don't know. - Wait a second.
#355
⇓
This doesn't have anything to do with the doll, does it?
#356
⇓
- Come on. Why would the doll...? - No.
#357
⇓
- The doll? What do we care about the doll? - The doll...
#358
⇓
No?
#359
⇓
- Okay, well, where is the doll? - It's at my apartment.
#360
⇓
Why isn't it in the trash?
#361
⇓
It's-it's just doing me a quick favor.
#362
⇓
- Get rid of it. - Yeah.
#363
⇓
I don't care. Trash. Burn. River. Just get rid of it.
#364
⇓
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a bad... bad idea.
#365
⇓
- Yeah, get rid of it, dude. - It's going in the trash.
#366
⇓
- Yeah, get rid of it, man. - Yeah. Got to go. Got to go.
#367
⇓
See, I told him. I told him.
#368
⇓
It's just a doll, you know?
#369
⇓
It's-it's fun to have around.
#370
⇓
It's kind of cool.
#371
⇓
Hey, it's me. It looks like Cindy wants me
#372
⇓
to get rid of the...
#373
⇓
What the hell is this?
#374
⇓
Oh, I fucked him.
#375
⇓
♪ Bring me a higher love ♪
#376
⇓
Well, yeah, I can see that. Why?!
#377
⇓
Um, because that's what it was designed for?
#378
⇓
You were... you were supposed to talk to it,
#379
⇓
- not have sex with it! - Okay, well, I did talk to it.
#380
⇓
And it told me to drink this bottle of wine.
#381
⇓
And then it talked me into having sex with it.
#382
⇓
I can't... You know, this is cheating, by the way.
#383
⇓
- You're cheating on me. - Uh, with a doll.
#384
⇓
- With Dennis! - Okay, you sh...
#385
⇓
His voice is funny.
#386
⇓
- Oh, oh, oh! Go to hell! - I hadn't noticed it.
#387
⇓
- Go... You go right to hell! - It's-it's so high.
#388
⇓
- Okay. All right. I know. - Stupid...
#389
⇓
No, shh, shh, shh. Everybody, this is...
#390
⇓
- Yeah, shut up, man! - This is awkward. I got it.
#391
⇓
Charlie, I'm breaking up with you.
#392
⇓
You're-you're breaking up with me?
#393
⇓
- I think you should leave. - I'm gonna break up with you!
#394
⇓
I already said it. We think you should get out.
#395
⇓
- I can't believe this. I'm out of here. - Wa-Wa-Wait!
#396
⇓
Wait, wait, wait. Okay.
#397
⇓
Do you have any more bottles of wine?
#398
⇓
♪ Bring me a higher love. ♪
#399
⇓
- ♪ ♪ - Shake it, shake it!
#400
⇓
I'm sorry, Charlie. This sucks.
#401
⇓
I mean, I think maybe some fresh titty will cheer you up, huh?
#402
⇓
- Mm. - Yeah.
#403
⇓
Charlie, the waitress is an asshole. You're just way better off
#404
⇓
- without her. - Yeah. No, you're right.
#405
⇓
I'm-I'm just pissed that Dennis did that to me.
#406
⇓
- Mm. - Of course.
#407
⇓
You know what I mean? Dennis is a bastard, man. Right?
#408
⇓
- Yeah. - Always has been, always has been.
#409
⇓
I mean, dude, look around. You're in the strip club, man.
#410
⇓
- Okay! - We always go to the strip club
#411
⇓
- to make ourselves feel better. - That's right.
#412
⇓
- This is fun. Right? - Yeah, okay. Yes.
#413
⇓
Yes.
#414
⇓
I feel like I'm forcing it a little.
#415
⇓
- It feels forced, right? - Yeah.
#416
⇓
- Why is that? - Why are we here?
#417
⇓
Yeah, I mean, look, guys, I think the problem is
#418
⇓
that we're trying to do things that we used to do.
#419
⇓
But-but things are different now.
#420
⇓
Look, Dennis is gone, and he is not coming back.
#421
⇓
We have to accept that.
#422
⇓
Yeah, why are we letting Dennis keep messing up our lives?
#423
⇓
- He's not even here, man. - Yeah. Absolutely. Right.
#424
⇓
Like, it's time to move on from that guy.
#425
⇓
And if I'm being perfectly honest, I like Cindy better.
#426
⇓
- Oh, yeah. She's smart, she's funny. - Yes.
#427
⇓
She's an asshole, but in all the right ways.
#428
⇓
She's just the right amount of asshole, you know?
#429
⇓
- Yeah, exactly. - She's kind of like Dennis
#430
⇓
- but only way better. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
#431
⇓
- Better than Dennis. - I absolutely prefer her to Dennis.
#432
⇓
- Right? - I like her more.
#433
⇓
So, look, maybe we just got to put Dennis behind us,
#434
⇓
- finally, once and for all... - Mm.
#435
⇓
...and move forward, with Cindy,
#436
⇓
and be a new gang.
#437
⇓
- To the new gang. - There you go.
#438
⇓
The new Cindy gang.
#439
⇓
- Yeah, right! New gang! - New gang, new gang.
#440
⇓
New gang with Cindy.
#441
⇓
Cindy.
#442
⇓
All right, what do we do with him?
#443
⇓
Not sure yet.
#444
⇓
But, uh, what do you say we do, like, three rounds of shots
#445
⇓
- and figure it out after that? - Hey!
#446
⇓
Hey!
#447
⇓
Hey-o! So sorry we're late.
#448
⇓
Guys, what the hell? The Murphy's protest
#449
⇓
is about to start. Where is everyone?
#450
⇓
Cindy, we just wanted to let you know that you were right
#451
⇓
about everything, and we think you are amazing.
#452
⇓
Yes, yes. Now, we were at the strip club
#453
⇓
last night, and we came up with a way
#454
⇓
to deal with our Dennis issues and do your plan
#455
⇓
- and finally move forward. - Yeah.
#456
⇓
Guys? Let's do it!
#457
⇓
Oh, God.
#458
⇓
Oh, yuck!
#459
⇓
No, stop! Stop it!
#460
⇓
Stop! Charlie, stop!
#461
⇓
How is this moving things forward? What are you doing?
#462
⇓
Oh, I was playing his asshole.
#463
⇓
That part I got. Why?
#464
⇓
Well, well, after a series of events
#465
⇓
- that I'd rather not go into... - Not necessary.
#466
⇓
I came to the realization that the only way
#467
⇓
to not be humiliated by Dennis while playing the tuba
#468
⇓
- was to play him. - But then,
#469
⇓
out front, he got a little nervous
#470
⇓
- about doing that. Yeah. - He got a little gun-shy.
#471
⇓
- I couldn't do it. - So I volunteered.
#472
⇓
- Yeah. - Well, you see,
#473
⇓
we're still making Paddy's great again,
#474
⇓
- but now everybody's happy. - That's right, that's right.
#475
⇓
So, what do you think?
#476
⇓
You want to know what I think?
#477
⇓
- Yeah. - Um, here's what I think.
#478
⇓
I think that you all went to a strip club last night
#479
⇓
and you got super hammered and horny
#480
⇓
and the three of you decided to fuck the doll,
#481
⇓
only to find out that when force is applied to the almost
#482
⇓
vacuum-tight polyurethane hole,
#483
⇓
it made a noise.
#484
⇓
You instantly put it in your mouth.
#485
⇓
You probably knew it'd work, because
#486
⇓
you clearly have had sex with the doll multiple times.
#487
⇓
You decided that this was the most brilliant idea
#488
⇓
that you've ever come up with, when, really, it was the result
#489
⇓
of the most insane, disgusting orgy that has ever taken place.
#490
⇓
And you, Dee, you just sat back and watched the whole thing
#491
⇓
happen because you are so numb to this kind of behavior
#492
⇓
that it doesn't even register to you as odd.
#493
⇓
That's dead-on.
#494
⇓
- Wow. - Yeah, you nailed it.
#495
⇓
- You nailed it. I mean, like... - Boy, that...
#496
⇓
- Wow. Yeah. - Point by point.
#497
⇓
- You ran home with that one. - Wow.
#498
⇓
Guys, come on. You are better than this.
#499
⇓
I know you can be better than this. And I can help you.
#500
⇓
But you got to make a choice, okay?
#501
⇓
You can either leave Dennis behind
#502
⇓
or you can stay the same.
#503
⇓
Keep doing what you're doing--
#504
⇓
playing a doll's asshole with your mouth
#505
⇓
and talking to something that's never gonna talk back to you.
#506
⇓
Or will it?
#507
⇓
Oh, shit!
#508
⇓
- Kill it! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
#509
⇓
Whoa!
#510
⇓
Oh. Hey, hey. Take it easy, man. I'm not a doll.
#511
⇓
I threw that thing on the floor. By the way, what is that thing?
#512
⇓
I don't like it. Why do you have it?
#513
⇓
- It's for Mac. - Uh... Yeah.
#514
⇓
Oh, Mac's shooting his loads into it?
#515
⇓
- Definitely his. He definitely is. - No, no.
#516
⇓
Yeah. All right, well, anyway,
#517
⇓
I'm back. The real me.
#518
⇓
Let's not-not make a whole thing of it.
#519
⇓
You.
#520
⇓
Uh, I gather you were meant to replace me?
#521
⇓
Well, that's not necessary anymore, so, um,
#522
⇓
you can go now.
#523
⇓
Excuse me?
#524
⇓
I think you can go.
#525
⇓
You dress like it's 1998.
#526
⇓
Your look is played out and so are you.
#527
⇓
- You're basic. - Oh. I see.
#528
⇓
Well, why don't we, uh...
#529
⇓
- why don't we ask them? - Yeah, sure.
#530
⇓
- Oh... - Well, he did just get here,
#531
⇓
- so let's not go crazy, right? - Kind of like seeing him.
#532
⇓
Charlie, you were just playing his asshole to humiliate him.
#533
⇓
- Ah. - I do lots of crazy things, you know?
#534
⇓
- I never really know what I'm... - Yeah.
#535
⇓
- That's in the past. - Yeah. I mean...
#536
⇓
And I like to live in the present.
#537
⇓
Dee, you don't want this loser back, do you?
#538
⇓
I mean...
#539
⇓
- What? Come on. - Uh...
#540
⇓
They're just gonna go back to treating you like shit
#541
⇓
the minute I leave.
#542
⇓
Come on, us ladies-- we got to stick together.
#543
⇓
Yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying,
#544
⇓
but I kind of like being the only woman.
#545
⇓
'Cause it makes me feel special.
#546
⇓
This is insane. You know what? Screw you guys.
#547
⇓
Enjoy your crappy lives and your insane, miserable, failed ideas.
#548
⇓
You guys are played out. You're basic.
#549
⇓
- Uh-oh. - Ooh, yeah. You know what?
#550
⇓
- You already said that. Uh... - Yeah.
#551
⇓
- You did. She said that already. - A second ago.
#552
⇓
Did you run out of insults?
#553
⇓
- Recycling her material. - Yeah. That's not good.
#554
⇓
She didn't have to have a bad attitude about it.
#555
⇓
- That's not good. - What a bitch.
#556
⇓
Yeah. Hey, I don't know about you guys, but I'm a little bit thirsty.
#557
⇓
- Do you guys still serve beer here, or...? - Oh, yeah.
#558
⇓
I knew you were gonna say something funny, man.
#559
⇓
- So smart, too. Clever. - Do we serve beer?
#560
⇓
- Because we're a bar. - Clever. Yeah. Funny, man.
#561
⇓
- Do we serve beer? - We do.
#562
⇓
Well, welcome back, man.
#563
⇓
- Well, for now. I'm back for now. - Oh? All right.
#564
⇓
Guys, you know what?
#565
⇓
I think we just made Paddy's great again.
#566
⇓
Shut up, bird.
#567
⇓
- Oh! - Oh!
#568
⇓
So reliable.
#569
⇓
Yeah, yeah, you can just count on it.
#570
⇓
- Yeah. - Yeah.
#571
⇓
Hey, Mac, did you gain a little weight?
#572
⇓
♪ The boys are back in town, the boys are back in town ♪
#573
⇓
♪ I said the boys are back in town... ♪
#574
⇓
♪ The boys are back in town ♪
#575
⇓
♪ The boys are back in town, the boys are back in town ♪
#576
⇓
♪ The boys are back in town ♪
#577
⇓
♪ The boys are back in town ♪
#578
⇓
♪ You know that chick that used to dance a lot... ♪
#579
⇓
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH
#580
⇓
Combine Images
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Combined Images
