Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S14E10 — Waiting for Big Mo

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 14, Episode 10 — Waiting for Big Mo

MAN: Tonight, look upon the evl

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that you did.

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ANNOUNCER: A Christmas Carol premieres December 19 at 7:30 on FX.

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ANNOUNCER: FXX presents...

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

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Goddamn it.

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Come on, get in there!

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Charlie, what are you doing, man? What are you--

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-What's going on over here? -Oh, I'm trying to get

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each of my toes

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in these five-fingered shoes, you know what I mean?

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But there's, like, something's dropping off

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and I can't tell where my pinky is.

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Why did you get the stupid five-finger shoes?

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Well, you're always yelling at me

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for taking my shoes off in laser tag,

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so I figured I'd get some shoes

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that are like-- a lot more like bare feet.

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-I don't know why you're alwaysyelling at me about... -Well, I'm always

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yelling at you because when you're taking your shoes off,

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you're not holding your gun.

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And also, you know, the cheese you've eaten,

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it-it's always oozing out of your feet

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and it's an awful smell.

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That's the cheese I hide in my shoes,

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-that's where it is. -Okay, well-- What?

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I can't even, like, fit cheese in these shoes.

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These things suck.

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Just guard the base, man.

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Kind of sick and tired of guarding the base.

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What if we go out there, run around?

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I want to go out there and have some fun, man.

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We gotta guard the base. That's what we always do,

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and that's what we figured out works a long time ago.

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Plus, we're-we're waiting for Big Mo.

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Waiting for who?

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We're waiting for Big Mo, man.

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The-the hotshot kid and his crew

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that are climbing up the leaderboard.

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Yeah, he's gonna be gunning for our base

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and we need to protect it.

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Ah, who gives a shit, man? There's always

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some hotshot kid gunning for our base.

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Look, Charlie.

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How long we been playing laser tag?

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-A long time. -A long time, baby. Yeah.

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Some people might thinkthat's sad, but that's not sad.

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-I think-- I think it's awesome. -That's not sad, that's cool.

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I think the longeryou're in the game, the better,

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-you know what I mean? -Yes, yeah, no, definitely.

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Look. We're the best, we're-we're awesome,

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but, um, I'm-I'm done. I'm moving on.

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-I'm... -No, no, no, no, no! No, stop. Stay.

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We're playing the game the way we always play it,

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and we're...

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waiting for Big Mo.

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DENNIS: All right.

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Everything's going to plan out there.

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Yeah, but it does sound like

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people are out there having fun, you know?

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-What's with you today, man? -I don't know.

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I'm bored. I want to do something different.

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What about, uh, what if we do some riddles?

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-Riddles? -Yeah.

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Frank and I have been doing a lot of riddles

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to kill the time, you know what I mean?

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It's... I think

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we'll have a little bit more fun that way.

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No. I'm just gonna guard the base.

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Yeah, I know, but here it comes.

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Why do blind people hate skydiving?

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I don't even understand how that's a riddle.

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Well, 'cause it's a-a very hard one, okay?

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-So try-- take a guess. -I don't know. Why?

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'Cause it scares the hell out of their dogs.

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That's not a riddle.

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Yeah, it's a riddle about blind people, you know?

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-No. -And-and their dogs, I guess.

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No, what you've told me is a joke.

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No. Jokes are funny and that wasn't funny.

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I didn't say it was funny.

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-Then how is it a joke, Dennis?-

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Um-- Okay, you know what? Yeah.

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No, that was a mind-bending riddle.

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-Wow. -It's a tough one, 'cause you don't think...

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-AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning. -Wait, wait, wait. Shh.

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-Listen.

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That could be Big Mo. Get ready.

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Get ready, here we go.

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-MAC: Get off of me! -DEE: Ah! Get off me!

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-Stop it! -Dennis, everything was going perfectly.

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I was up in the air ducts, just like you said.

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-Oh---I was sniping at the red base.

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I was at the blue base doing the exact same thing.

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-What is...?-I tried to crawl down the ducts

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and pass this uncoordinated monkey.

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-We go by each other... -We got tangled up

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and then she spit in my mouth, Dennis.

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-She spit in my mouth. -I spit in your mouth

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after you jammed me in the titwith your scrawny little elbow.

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My elbows are massive and you have no tits!

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-Your elbows suck! -Ah. Damn it!

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Goddamn it, can you do nothing right?

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This is all your fault.

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I've been warning you

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about your lack of elbow mass for weeks.

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You idiot! You fool!

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And you!

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You're doing a great job.

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Okay?

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You are killing it out there, and I'm so proud of you!

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-Now I need you both to get back up there and... -CHARLIE: Wait.

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I-I actually got an idea.

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Like, what if you guys don't play the game

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up in the air ducts this time,

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but you go down on the floor?

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Where everyone's having all the fun?

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They look like they're having so much fun

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-playing laser ta... -Will you shut up?!

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This isn't about having fun. Okay?

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This is about staying alive and winning. Okay?

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And-and it's also...

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it's also about getting these.

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Now, Mac...

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what are these?

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Fun Zone dolla dolla bills, y'all.

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Fun Zone dolla dolla bills, y'all.

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Okay?

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I'm trying to get that paper, son.

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All right?

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Win, stay alive,

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get dat money.

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Feel me?

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I feel you.

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-But those guys are having fun.-DEE: Yeah.

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And doing something fun out there.

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-And that's what I want to do. -DENNIS: Hey, man.

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Could I talk to you for a second, please?

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-Yeah. What's up? -What you doing, man?

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Why-why you... why you mucking things up?

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I mean, I got things down to a science, okay?

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-Everything's working. -DEE: Stop it. -Ah, ah, ah!

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I know, but, like, these guys are ready to kill each other.

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-It's like... -I know, but that's what I want, okay?

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I need their aggression at a ten.

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That's when they're most effective.

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So I withhold compliments from Mac,

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because that makes him angry and subservient,

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so he'll do what I tell him to do.

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And I shower Dee with compliments

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because she feels so undeservingof compliments

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that she gets angry at herself

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and she takes that anger out on the children.

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-Oh. -See?

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Okay. It's another riddle.

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Let me think on that one, Dennis,

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'cause I don't know the answer...

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Okay. Yeah. You think on that for a while.

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I'm gonna do my thing.

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-You stop. -You stop. -Goddamn it, Mac,

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you thin-elbowed little goblin.

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You never cease to disappoint me

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in everything you do.

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Now get back up in those ducts

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and snipe those other kids' bases.

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And don't come down until I tell you to. And Dee--

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You really are killing it out there.

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I'm so proud of you.

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You're so deserving

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of my love.

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Yeah, see?

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We just gotta keep playingthe game the way we always have.

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Yeah. Hey, is the answer to your riddle, uh,

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an ice cube?

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Yeah.

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Yep, you got it.

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-That was a hard one. -AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning.

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Pew, pew.

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-Pew. -DENNIS: Oh.

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Pew, pew. Pew, pew.

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-Pew, pew. Oh. -What are you doing, man?

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I'm killing it out there.

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I haven't been hit once.

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It's really a lot of fun.

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But I wanted to come and hang out with you guys.

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Hey, hey, Charlie, you want to do some riddles?

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-Yes! -No, we're not...

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-No, that doesn't... -Yes. Yes, I do, hit me.

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Is a fart a ghost?

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Is a fart a ghost? Whoa, that's a hard one.

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I don't know. What's the answer?

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Yeah. It's the ghost of lunch. Ha-ha!

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-Very good, man! -Good riddle.

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-That's a good one. -Great.

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-Yeah, yeah. -All right, so, off you go.

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Hey, you know, that's also making me realize, dude,

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-I'm pretty hungry, man. -FRANK: Ooh.

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-Yeah. Whoa. -Yeah, yeah.

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Get some, get some cheese out of your shoes.

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Yeah, you know what? I couldn't fit any,

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'cause I got these stupid five-finger shoes.

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-Yeah, I don't... -Hey, get back out there, man. -Yeah, yeah.

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No, well, actually, go out to the lobby really quick

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and get me, like, some chicken wings.

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-You want hot sauce on 'em? -DENNIS: No.

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I forbid it. Absolutely not.

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What-- Dude, what is the big deal, man?

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-What's the big deal? Y-- Uh...-Who even cares?

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I mean, his pack's not even on,for crying out loud.

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Charlie.

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What'd you say?

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-Nothing. -It's time we told him, dude.

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-No, it's... -It's time.

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Uh...

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My pack's not on?

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-I... We...

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We-we turn your pack off

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so that when you're running around getting shot up,

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our team doesn't lose any points.

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But my gun still makes noise.

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Well, no-- Well, that's you doing that, bud.

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No, it isn't.

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Pew, pe--

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Yeah. See, that's you, bud.

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Oh, that is me.

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-Yeah. -Yeah, man.

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So-so I'm not part of the team?

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-Aw... -Well, no, you--

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No, you're a very, v-very valuable part of the team.

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You know? Y-You're an amazing decoy.

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You know, you run around, you're screaming,

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and you-you add sort of like a monster element to the game

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that distracts and frightens but entertains the kids,

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and, you know, so that Mac and Dee can shoot their bases

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from the ducts.

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I'm the monster of the game?

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-Well, yeah, but, like, you're like a fun monster.

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Yeah, like the Cookie Monster.

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I'm the Cookie Monster?

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-Not really, you know, 'cause...-No, well, I guess not

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-because... -There's no cookies.

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Well, and also the kids are scared of you

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-and they're not really scared of him. -No.

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Uh, but, you know, we need you out there

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because you're very valuable to the formula.

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And the formula works, you knowwhat I mean? Uh, you can...

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I'll tell you what, go backout there and, you know, just--

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you can still make the sounds.

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-This is really sad... -No. Uh...

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-...and I'm gonna turn his pack on because... -No, no, stop.

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I-I got it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

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-I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. -Yeah?

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-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. -All right.

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Thanks anyway, Charlie. He's gonna do it.

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Oh. Oh, that makes some good sounds.

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-It's cool, right? -: That's really cool.

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Oh. Ah, I'm all set.

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All right. Get out there and kick some ass, pal.

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Yeah.

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That's not cool, man.

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-Come on, dude.-Shut up, man. Just... shut up.

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He just believed it.It's-- you know, it's not cool.

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DENNIS: It's pretty cool.

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CHARLIE: I don't know.

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CHARLIE: Hey, what do you think he looks like?

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DENNIS: Who?

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Big Mo.

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I don't know.

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Some fat little brat probably.

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Oh. Oh, is that a riddle?

#270

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What?

#271

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What the kid looks like. Is it, is it a riddle?

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Charlie, do you not know what a riddle is?

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Yeah, sure. It's like a, like athing you don't know. Right?

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No, it's not just a thing you don't know.

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It's like a, it's like a puzzle.

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All right, here's a riddle. Uh...

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"The more you have of it, the less you see." What is it?

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-Cantaloupes. -What?

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Cantaloupes is your answer, because if you're

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holding a pile of cantaloupes,

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: you're not gonna beable to see very much.

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-Right. No. -You know? Especially if it goes past your face.

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-No. That's not the answer. -You telling me you can see through a pile of cantaloupes?

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That's not the answer to the riddle.

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The answer to the riddle is... darkness.

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Right? The more you have of it,the less you see. Darkness.

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Yeah, but how are you gonna holda pile of darkness? Does that...

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My God, uh... Hold on, hold on. Wait.

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-What is this? -CHARLIE: What's up?

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DENNIS: W-We're dropping down the leaderboard.

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We're in second place.

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-Oh, shit. -Mac and Dee are getting shot up like crazy.

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-AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning. -MAC: Hey-o!

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-Oh, you guys, that is fun! -What the hell

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is going on out there? You guys are getting lit up.

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-Oh. -Yeah, well, you know, what Charlie said

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kind of made us stop and think about

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what the whole point of this was.

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Yeah, yeah. And we figured the point is to

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-just be happy and have fun, right? -DEE: Yeah.

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You know what we did? We-we went down to the "Fun" Zone

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instead of the "Maintenance" Zone in the ceiling.

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-: Oh...

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The Maintenance Zone. That's awesome.

#305

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Oh, my God. That's such a great joke.

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I would never-- How do you evencome up with this stuff?

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:You're so worthy of my laughter.

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You're so worthy.

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No. No, no, she's not worthy of your laughter. She...

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She told the lamest joke earlierabout a blind guy

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-and a dog or some shit... -Yeah. -CHARLIE: Hey!

#312

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That's not a joke, that's a riddle.

#313

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And don't steal my shit, you stupid bird-faced bitch!

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-Oh! She is a bird. She is a bird! -Don't steal my shit, Dee!

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-I'll blast you to pieces! -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

#316

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Now we're jamming. Now we're jamming.

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-Let's get back out there, Mac.-DENNIS: No!

#318

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No, wait, wait. No, no, no. You can't just go running

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out there alone. That doesn't work.

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Okay, you guys are justrunning around all willy-nilly,

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doing whatever the hell you want. We can't do that.

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All right, listen. U-Uh, Mac, Mac.

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Tell me something, man.

#324

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Who-Whose face...

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is on the 100 dolla dolla bill?

#326

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Rutherford B. Crazy, of course.

#327

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Rutherford B. Crazy. That's right.

#328

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Now, uh, why he be crazy, Mac?

#329

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-Well, uh... -I never thought about it.

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I don't... -DENNIS: Well, I'll tell you why.

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See, my man had a dream.

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To get into the laser beam business.

#333

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Right? And he never gave up on the fundamentals.

#334

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He stuck with what works.

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And now he get to go out and bewhatever the hell he want to be.

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-He get to be crazy. -MAC: Uh,

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I don't think Rutherford be a real person.

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-CHARLIE: Yeah... -That's a cartoon.

#339

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No, no, no-- no, not this guy.

#340

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Uh, I don't know who this guy is.

#341

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I'm talking about the real guy.

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The guy who, like, built this place 30 years ago.

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That guy. He had a plan, he stuck with it, you know,

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and, uh, and now he gets to be whatever he wanna be.

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-You know, he get to be crazy. -DEE: Okay.

#346

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So we aren't allowed to be happy now,

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but as long as we are unhappy for long enough,

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-eventually we can be happy? -DENNIS: Well, I'm not saying

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you g-get to be happy; I'm saying...

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being happy isn't the goal.

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The goal is to play the gameand grind it out until the end.

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And then at the end, then you can,

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then you can go crazy.

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At the end of what?

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I don't-- the game. The-the game!

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You know, whenever we're playingthe game. You know what I mean?

#357

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And when is the end of the game?

#358

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I don't know. Whenever the game ends, okay?

#359

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Whenever we're back on top of the leaderboard

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and we got all thedolla dolla bills we need and...

#361

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Can I ask you guys a question?

#362

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It feels like we've been playing this forever.

#363

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-Does-does that feel like that to you? -A lifetime.

#364

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Feels like a lifetime.

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-Yeah! -I feel like I was born in this game

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-and I will die in this game. I-I... -DEE: That's right.

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And this is the first time I'm having fun in this game.

#368

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-Yeah. -No, but-but it's not about-- again, it's not about fun.

#369

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So just, let's just stick with what works. Yeah?

#370

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-Nah.-Nah, we're gonna go back thereand have fun.

#371

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Let's have fun!

#372

⇓

-Man, I want to have fun. I want to have fun. -Goddamn it.

#373

⇓

-This is getting out of control, man. -AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning.

#374

⇓

Oh! Ha!

#375

⇓

It's a madhouse out there.

#376

⇓

I was bobbing and weaving like crazy.

#377

⇓

All right, nice. At least somebody's out there

#378

⇓

-doing what he's supposed to be doing. -Oh, yeah.

#379

⇓

I created a great little diversion.

#380

⇓

I told this one dad that another dad said

#381

⇓

that his kid had a tight little dumper.

#382

⇓

-Oh. -Oh!

#383

⇓

-That caused a riot. -It did? -Yeah, I'll bet.

#384

⇓

-Yeah, it worked. -Hey, home run, Frank.

#385

⇓

-Yeah.-Although I'm a little surprised

#386

⇓

it's not helping Mac and Dee more. They're getting

#387

⇓

-slaughtered out there in the war zone. -Yeah. Whoa.

#388

⇓

A war zone? I was in the Wing Zone.

#389

⇓

You know, it was such a line.

#390

⇓

I mean, I had to create a meleeto disperse it.

#391

⇓

Goddamn it, Frank! You weren't supposed to get wings!

#392

⇓

-Oh, shit, did you get hit?

#393

⇓

-Did you get hit? -Oh. No, no, no, no.

#394

⇓

No, Charlie. That's my signal that the food is ready.

#395

⇓

-Oh! -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#396

⇓

-I'm gonna go. -Nice. Get some wings, baby.

#397

⇓

FRANK: All right, I'm gonna get some wings.

#398

⇓

Wait, wait, wait, Frank, before you go,

#399

⇓

-hang on, hang on. Let me, uh... -No, don't-- Charlie.

#400

⇓

-No, it's just so simple. Ready?-Charlie. -What?

#401

⇓

Oh!

#402

⇓

Charlie.

#403

⇓

-That's the way. -Pretty good, right?

#404

⇓

-Now we're talking. I'll be back. -All right.

#405

⇓

-See you, Frankie! -Okay!

#406

⇓

See how happy he was? I made a sound, too,

#407

⇓

-'cause I feel like that was...-You are messing it up.

#408

⇓

-CHARLIE: Dude... -: You are messing it all up!

#409

⇓

-CHARLIE: Can we just go play? -DENNIS: No, we-- No!

#410

⇓

We have to wait for Big Mo.

#411

⇓

Why do you care so much about this kid?

#412

⇓

Goddamn it, Charlie! Don't you get it, man?

#413

⇓

It's not the kid.

#414

⇓

Okay, it's not the kid, it's-it's...

#415

⇓

it's what the kid represents.

#416

⇓

What, obesity?

#417

⇓

No! Not obesity.

#418

⇓

I don't even know if the kid's fat. He's just called...

#419

⇓

-He's probably fat. -He's probably fat.

#420

⇓

Yeah. Obesity rates being what they are,

#421

⇓

-he's a fat kid. -It's out of control.

#422

⇓

-Feel like all those kids are fat. -Well, most kids

#423

⇓

I see running around here are pretty fat...

#424

⇓

They eat so much sugar these days, man.

#425

⇓

-Well, it's in everything. -Whatever.

#426

⇓

The point is, like, I...

#427

⇓

You know, there's always some Big Mo, some kid coming in.

#428

⇓

He wants to shoot you up, and he's--

#429

⇓

he wants to take what you got.

#430

⇓

I don't want to give him what I got.

#431

⇓

What, I'm supposed to give it to him, man?

#432

⇓

I'm just supposed to let him have it?

#433

⇓

Who gives a shit about the Big Moes of the world, right?

#434

⇓

'Cause we, we play the game, we play the game,

#435

⇓

but it's not like we ever win anything.

#436

⇓

Dude, what are you talking about?

#437

⇓

We've-we've been winning for years, man.

#438

⇓

You know. We're the best!

#439

⇓

Yeah, but, like, it's not likewe have anything to show for it.

#440

⇓

Whatever, dude. I got mad dolla dolla bills.

#441

⇓

When those dolla dolla bills stop coming in

#442

⇓

because we stop playing the game...

#443

⇓

dude, you know, you're not gonna have those

#444

⇓

little plastic army guys that you like to play with.

#445

⇓

-Oh, shit. -You set 'em all up and you have 'em "pew..."

#446

⇓

That is how I get them. I get them here.

#447

⇓

You-- Oh, and the little box of bouncy balls that you love?

#448

⇓

-They bounce so high! -Dude, what is that?

#449

⇓

-It's like the bounciest technology in the world. -Exactly.

#450

⇓

-Why is that? -I don't know.

#451

⇓

And you can only get 'em here.

#452

⇓

But you lose 'em 'cause they bounce too high.

#453

⇓

Yeah, you'd lose them sometimes.

#454

⇓

-But you-you eat 'em. -Nah.

#455

⇓

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've seen youput 'em in your mouth.

#456

⇓

I've just tested 'em, you know, see...

#457

⇓

-You tested 'em? -Tested 'em out, and

#458

⇓

sometimes I'm testing them in my stomach

#459

⇓

just to see how they pass.

#460

⇓

-Well, that's eating. -Nah.

#461

⇓

-Okay. But either way, pal, you like 'em, right? -I do.

#462

⇓

You want more of 'em?

#463

⇓

-I do. -Gonna need them dolla dollabills to-to-to get more of 'em,

#464

⇓

which means we got to stay on top of the leaderboard,

#465

⇓

we got to win at the game.

#466

⇓

And-and-and what about our reputation, man?

#467

⇓

-Oh... -Think about, like, our-our legacy, dude.

#468

⇓

-You know what I mean? -Yeah.

#469

⇓

We've been in this game the longest, right?

#470

⇓

But when we stop,you think they're gonna throw us

#471

⇓

some kind of parade?

#472

⇓

-They're not, no. -Hell no, man.

#473

⇓

We're just gonna be a-a bunch of dudes

#474

⇓

who, who played the game once,

#475

⇓

you know? You want to be a ghost?

#476

⇓

-No. -Like the, like the fart

#477

⇓

of meals past? You just dissipate into the air,

#478

⇓

and then everybody forgets thatyou ever smelled up the place?

#479

⇓

-What do you mean I disappear? -Like a fart, man.

#480

⇓

That's what I'm talking about.

#481

⇓

'Cause that's what Big Mo is. That's what he represents.

#482

⇓

It's like a, a death.

#483

⇓

-Death?! -A dissipation. That's right.

#484

⇓

So if you're talking about goingout there and having some fun,

#485

⇓

all alone, by yourself, to see what's out there?

#486

⇓

You know what I mean? You're giving this all up.

#487

⇓

Okay? And you're not just givingup being at the top

#488

⇓

of the leaderboard at some, you know,

#489

⇓

laser-amusement-themed park, man, you're talking about

#490

⇓

giving up everything. Everything.

#491

⇓

Everything we built.

#492

⇓

-Everything we worked so hard for. -Goddamn it, you're right.

#493

⇓

That's the death! We'll be done! We'll be gone!

#494

⇓

-Exactly, it's a death. -We won't exist!

#495

⇓

And we don't know

#496

⇓

if we're ever gonna achieve that success

#497

⇓

-ever again just out there. -Damn it, all right,

#498

⇓

fine, you're right. We got, we got to guard this space,

#499

⇓

and we can't let Big Mo come in here!

#500

⇓

That's what I'm talking about, man.

#501

⇓

That's what I'm talking about.

#502

⇓

CHARLIE: Oh, shit, though. We'regoing down the leaderboard, man!

#503

⇓

DENNIS: Hey, we can get it back, man.

#504

⇓

-We got to protect the base, okay? Are you with me? -Yes! Yes!

#505

⇓

I'm never gonna stop playing this game!

#506

⇓

-AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning. -I'm never gonna stop... -Chicken wings!

#507

⇓

Okay, yeah, let me get some.

#508

⇓

-Here you go, here... -Come on, let's do it.

#509

⇓

All right, baby.

#510

⇓

-What are you doing?! -Got wings.

#511

⇓

I was trying to keep Charlie focused,

#512

⇓

and you ruined everything with your goddamn wings, okay?

#513

⇓

We get him wings at the end! At the end!

#514

⇓

This game is going on too long!

#515

⇓

Look, man, WWRD, right?WWRD. What would Rutherford do?

#516

⇓

-Hmm? -Who?

#517

⇓

Rutherford B. Crazy, the guy, the guy,

#518

⇓

the guy who built this entire emp-empire.

#519

⇓

-What would he do? -He'd do nothing. He's dead.

#520

⇓

I'm talking about the guy. The real guy.

#521

⇓

-Not-not the cartoon. -Nah, the real guy.

#522

⇓

Rutherford B. Crazy. He's actually, his real name

#523

⇓

-is Larry Takashi. -Ah?

#524

⇓

Yeah. I worked with him in the '90s. He's dead.

#525

⇓

-Huh. -That, that can't be right.

#526

⇓

-No, it's true. -AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning.

#527

⇓

-Did you see the look on that kid's face

#528

⇓

when I grabbed his glassesand I-I threw 'em on the ground

#529

⇓

-and stomped all over 'em? -He blasted us to pieces,

#530

⇓

but it was worth itjust to see his little ass cry.

#531

⇓

Oh, Charlie, you got to get out there with us.

#532

⇓

It's so fun. We're finding all kinds

#533

⇓

-of corners of this place that we've never explored before. -Yeah, I'd love to,

#534

⇓

I really would, but we're actually--

#535

⇓

we're losing right now.

#536

⇓

-MAC: Losing? -I got to stay here.

#537

⇓

-What? Yeah.-Huh? Who cares if we're losing?

#538

⇓

Dennis said, like, if-if-if we, if we leave the base,

#539

⇓

death is gonna come in the form of a fat kid

#540

⇓

who's gonna turn us into fart ghosts

#541

⇓

or something like that. So I got to stay.

#542

⇓

-What? -Death is gonna come in the form of a fat child,

#543

⇓

who will turn us into a fart.

#544

⇓

It sounds crazy now that I'm saying it.

#545

⇓

Dennis explained it a lot more better.

#546

⇓

Dennis, we can't leave the base, right?

#547

⇓

That's the deal?

#548

⇓

No.

#549

⇓

Frank was right.

#550

⇓

Rutherford B. Crazy's real namewas Larry Takashi.

#551

⇓

Yeah, and he was the founderand owner of Laser Tag Fun Zone.

#552

⇓

Yeah. So what, though?

#553

⇓

Well, apparently, he killed himself.

#554

⇓

-Really? -What?

#555

⇓

Yeah. He offed himself about three years back now.

#556

⇓

-Oh. -Just opened his 100th Laser Tag Fun Zone,

#557

⇓

and he drove himself to a wishing well

#558

⇓

and threw himself down it.

#559

⇓

Well, uh, hang on. Maybe it was a,

#560

⇓

-maybe it was an accident. -Oh.

#561

⇓

Uh, no, he wrote a suicide noteon a Fun Zone dolla dolla bill,

#562

⇓

and it said, "It all meant nothing."

#563

⇓

-Ugh. -Damn, man.

#564

⇓

-Pretty grim. -That's bleak.

#565

⇓

-That's kind of bumming me out.-It's clear. Very clear.

#566

⇓

-Killed my appetite. -DENNIS: Mm-hmm.

#567

⇓

Nobody came to his funeral.

#568

⇓

According to this, his employees all hated him,

#569

⇓

and his family barely knew him.I mean,

#570

⇓

the guy was miserable.

#571

⇓

But he spent his life building this empire,

#572

⇓

and-and it all meant nothing?

#573

⇓

Shit. So Rutherford be rich.

#574

⇓

Rutherford be successful as all hell.

#575

⇓

But you know what else Rutherford be?

#576

⇓

Rutherford be right.

#577

⇓

Because it all means nothing

#578

⇓

if you're not enjoying it.

#579

⇓

The dolla dolla bills, you know?

#580

⇓

The reputation, the longevity, even the game itself.

#581

⇓

What the hell does it matter if you're not having fun?

#582

⇓

You know, if you're not having fun anymore,

#583

⇓

than screw it. So if something deep down inside you

#584

⇓

is telling you it's time to move on,

#585

⇓

then maybe that's what we should do.

#586

⇓

So that's it?

#587

⇓

That's it.

#588

⇓

-Time to end the game? -Time to end the game.

#589

⇓

Goodbye, base?

#590

⇓

Goodbye to the base we've held down for so long.

#591

⇓

I am gonna miss it.

#592

⇓

But it's time to let Big Mo have it.

#593

⇓

MAC: Hey, Big Mo.

#594

⇓

Oh, what? You thought we'd gone?

#595

⇓

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

#596

⇓

We ain't going anywhere.

#597

⇓

We're never leaving, you little piece of shit.

#598

⇓

DENNIS: Let him have it.

#599

⇓

Yeah, light him up.

#600

⇓

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH

#601

⇓

Tonight, look upon the evil that you did...

#602

⇓

Ebenezer Scrooge.

#603

⇓

ANNOUNCER: A Christmas Carol premieres December 19 at 7:30 on FX.

#604

⇓