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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S01E13 — Rollerskates

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 1, Episode 13 — Rollerskates

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Rollerskates
Air date: April 30, 2000
Director: Ken Kwapis
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Roller-skating lessons from Hal bug Malcolm, who rebels against dad's discipline while mom agonizes in bed from a backache she blames on Reese. Francis avoids his squad's survival weekend.
Source: TMDB
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- This isn't fair. - Yes, it is. It's absolutely fair.
absolutelyfair
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I'm getting hungry.
hungry
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- We're doing it my way. - They're getting cold.
cold
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You want them divided up fairly or not?
dividedfairly
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- You have more than me. - No, I don't.
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We all have 29 inches of fries so far.
friesinches
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I have two four-inchers, five three-inchers, and three two-inchers.
fivefourthree
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You have five five-inchers and a four-incher.
fivefour
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They're exactly the same.
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Dewey.
dewey
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Okay, we're gonna assume this was a four-incher
assumefour
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from the share pile.
pileshare
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Hundred seventeen minus three, times 29, divided by three, minus...
dividedhundredminusseventeenthreethree-timestimes
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We each take a two-inch bite out of this one.
biteinch
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Last week, we had curly fries.
curlycurly-friesfriesweek
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It took us three hours.
hoursthreethree-hours
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
questionrepeat
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Good job, Don.
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He's wide open!
openwidewide-open
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- Shoot, shoot! - There it is!
shoot
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- Yeah. - In your...
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- Nice block. - face.
blockface
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I got it, I got it!
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Good game.
game
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This sucks.
sucks
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You mocking me?
mocking
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No.
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Tired.
tired
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Get skates.
skates
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Can't.
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Dad.
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He made a rule.
rule
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No one in the family could buy skates until after they take lessons from him.
familylessonsskates
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So, take the lessons.
lessons
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You don't get it.
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He taught Francis and Reese, and they've never been the same after.
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Gretzky shoots! He scores!
scoresshoots
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He laughs at the other Canadians.
canadianslaughs
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Hey, Reese, remember when Dad taught you how to skate?
reeserememberskatetaught
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I don't wanna talk about it.
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Why can't you just tell me what it was like?
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One, I'm not supposed to,
supposed
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and two, I don't even like to think about it.
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- It makes me cry. - Hey, hey, hey!
makes
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What's wrong with you?
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You know you're not supposed to skate in the house.
houseskatesupposed
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Why? Everyone else in the world gets to.
world
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Wait a minute. Somebody stepped in something.
minutesomebodystepped
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God! What a mess!
mess
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Reese.
reese
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What did you roll in?
roll
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Oh, man.
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You have to admit, it is kind of funny.
admitfunny
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Yelling so loud you actually throw out your back.
loudthrowyelling
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Just try to relax.
relax
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Got the baby monitor all set up here.
babybaby-monitormonitor
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Now, if you need anything, just holler.
holler
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But not too loud, and I will get on it.
loud
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Oh, God.
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- Sorry. Sorry. - Oh, God.
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Lois, why don't you just take the pain medicine the doctor gave you?
doctorloismedicinepain
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Because they make me loopy.
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I will not have this house come crashing down around me
crashinghouse
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because I'm hopped up on goofballs.
hopped
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Mom, I'm really sorry. Are you okay?
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Oh, Reese, come to mama.
mamareese
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Closer, sweetheart.
closersweetheart
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Are you happy you crippled your mother?
crippledhappymother
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- Mom... - Are you?
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Mom. Mom. Ow.
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Survival weekend?
survivalweekend
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What does that mean?
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That means we get to spend two whole days out in the wilderness
daysspendwholewilderness
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with limited supplies and no food.
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- You're kidding, right? - Nope.
kiddingnope
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It's an excellent way to learn basic survival techniques.
basicexcellentlearnsurvivaltechniques
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It's two days in the woods.
dayswoods
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Our parents are paying for room and board. Where does that money go?
boardmoneyparentspayingroom
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Sounds like a big scam.
scamsounds
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- Maybe so, but you're doing it. - What?
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Francis, I let you blow off a lot of things around here,
blowfrancis
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but this is something I believe in.
believe
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It's a character builder.
character
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- I think it'll be good for you. - How could it be good for me?
itll
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- No food, no shelter. - No broken clavicles.
brokenfoodshelter
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That's something inside me, right?
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What are you doing?
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- Nothing. - Get a glass.
glass
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Don't you dare!
dare
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When I get well, I am gonna beat you blue, mister.
beatbluemister
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- Get a glass! - All right. Okay.
glass
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Can I have some milk?
milk
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- Yes, but get a glass. - Okay.
glass
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Hello, Francis.
francis
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I have a problem. I need your advice.
adviceproblem
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Trust me, pal, whatever you're going through
trust
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is not half as bad as what I'm facing.
facinghalf
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I'm thinking of asking Dad for skating lessons.
askinglessonsskatingthinking
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Why does everyone do that? What does he do?
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Look, if I told you, you'd just freak out.
freak
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But if you think you're ready, my advice is to get it over with quickly.
advicequicklyready
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It's like pulling a giant Band-Aid off your crotch.
bandcrotchgiantpulling
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I'm gonna have a Band-Aid on my crotch?
bandcrotch
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- Who are you talking to? - Francis.
francis
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- Hi, sweetie. - Hi, Mom.
sweetie
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Oh, I am in such pain because of my back. Doctor says I have to stay in bed
doctorpain
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- for three days - Mom--
daysthreethree-days
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with my leg up on a pillow, then I'm to put ice on it.
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- Ice, not heat. - Look, Mom.
heat
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Have you ever heard of such a thing? I never heard of such a thing.
heard
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That doesn't make any sense to me.
sense
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- Oh, thanks, honey. - Here we go.
honeythanksthanks-honey
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- One more thing. - Yeah?
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Stop trying to drug my food.
drugfood
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Where was I?
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Francis?
francis
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- Where--? - Uh, your back.
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Oh, yeah. So, they say that my fourth and fifth vertebrae are out of alignment.
fifthfourthvertebrae
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Apparently my shoulder muscles are asymmetrical.
apparentlymusclesshoulder
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I mean, did you ever hear of such a thing? They say it's genetic.
genetic
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It's the first case of scream-induced back trauma they've ever seen.
caseinducedscreamseentrauma
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They paraded every Tom, Dick and Harry through that room to take a look at me.
dickharryroom
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And me, I'm lying there with that flimsy paper thing on me
lyingpaper
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with my rear end flapping in the breeze for the world to see.
breezeflappingrearworld
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Boys, they're called Gut-busters.
boysbusterscalled
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They take a sausage, stuff it with cheese, wrap it with bacon,
baconcheesesausagestuffwrap
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and shove it in a deep fat fryer full of lard.
deepfullshove
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They're indescribable.
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Bon appétit.
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Malcolm, where have you been?
malcolm
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- You gotta get in on this. - Dad...
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I want skating lessons.
lessonsskating
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Son, you know once you start, there's no going back?
start
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- I know. - This means total commitment.
commitmenttotal
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Once you begin the path, there is no leaving the path.
beginleavingpath
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Are you sure you're ready for that?
ready
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I mean, really ready?
ready
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I guess so.
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Neat. We'll start tomorrow.
neatstarttomorrow
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Come on, dig in before they harden.
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Let's do it.
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Stretch.
stretch
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Nose to knees, nose to knees.
kneesnose
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And release. Whoo.
releasewhoo
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- You feeling a little limber now? - Mostly I feel sleepy.
feelinglimbermostlysleepy
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Well, we have to start early. We've got a lot of ground to cover.
coverearlygroundstart
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Rule number one: You can't question my ways.
numberquestionrulerule-numberways
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I'm the top skate-dog. Understood?
skateunderstood
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You may not like my methods,
methods
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but let me just show you what you can accomplish
accomplish
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if you stick with it.
stick
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♪ Gotta make a move To a town that's right for me ♪
town
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♪ Town to keep me movin' Keep me groovin' with some energy ♪
energygroovinmovintown
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♪ Well, I talk about it, talk about it Talk about it, talk about it ♪
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♪ Talk about, talk about Talk about movin'... ♪
movin
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Should I be impressed or horrified?
horrifiedimpressed
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Dad, that was unbelievable.
unbelievable
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Whoo! That routine won me a gold medal, a macramé plant hanger,
goldhangermedalplantroutinewhoo
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and your mother's heart, all in the same afternoon.
afternoonheartmothers
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- Wanna see your skates? - Yeah.
skates
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Come on.
↓
11c3f620-3a68-408c-8fef-468d10a70bc9.gif
I prefer a Saratoga four-wide,
fourpreferwide
↓
b672e6a8-e4ea-48da-bb4e-9ebb39b2ef50.gif
but I know you kids like that in-line stuff.
kidslinestuff
↓
4f9b112e-9383-4321-aae7-808960eeb141.gif
So...
↓
70c86d53-c225-41f0-a422-bca0ebfd0698.gif
Whoa!
whoa
↓
146757a6-c80a-4835-bea1-3ea3d47359e8.gif
- They're beautiful. - They are, aren't they?
↓
aaf7e491-a121-4955-8a25-7e77e5430bfb.gif
Wait, I don't get to wear them?
wear
↓
df977b38-b886-4002-8028-0f73e22c5a08.gif
Oh, no.
↓
416849a8-bb26-43f9-8a35-dec48eb637b3.gif
You're not ready for those just yet.
ready
↓
fbb8e956-7c43-4ae4-a584-4387027b0b0e.gif
That's just your incentive.
incentive
↓
a6ac021d-3920-415b-8d24-b09b8a31d7dd.gif
One step at a time, Malcolm.
malcolmstep
↓
bfd412f1-bd03-488c-9ca7-6b1615a726b4.gif
Roll to the gold.
goldroll
↓
07e59361-79de-4259-99ca-b359efeac56b.gif
You're gonna start with these.
start
↓
69588755-7ab5-41c0-b449-ddb5f9e10d9a.gif
- Why do I have to--? - Ah-ah-ah. Top skate-dog.
skate
↓
86afaada-7401-4b99-af41-c5c522f6a9ed.gif
Now, let's see you skate through those cones.
conesskate
↓
d466577f-d050-4aac-9f94-c04065ac9d4f.gif
I don't have skates.
skates
↓
58e4132f-8f7b-4f7b-a5fa-bfda172520dc.gif
Your skates are in here.
skates
↓
59b77136-426e-4b46-8ae3-6be59e2f7515.gif
Go on.
↓
a77e6ffb-3431-481c-9e92-c0447876f175.gif
Glide and glide.
glide
↓
1aeba689-8e67-4424-a241-5d161b98fa3d.gif
Let your arms work with-- Slow down.
armsslow
↓
fe6b5206-bb24-4938-83b9-7686136607e4.gif
Slower. Slower.
slower
↓
e74a542a-580c-49bc-9259-2385856d3e08.gif
This is gonna rule.
rule
↓
f2c12174-78cf-4b71-8678-5a6d6886fe3d.gif
All I'm taking is a canteen, a knife, my bedroll, and some emergency rations.
canteenemergencyknife
↓
15cf6717-42ff-4cfb-b84a-9729ca54ac62.gif
Wuss.
wuss
↓
63a5fd1c-b084-4159-8176-3b6f070072fa.gif
Canteen, knife, survival blanket.
blanketcanteenknifesurvival
↓
80fb9cfc-a544-40a3-8eec-bac1fff5e5e0.gif
That's all?
↓
9a1ee9b7-3823-4788-80ea-2ae8d4c2c8a0.gif
Dude, hardcore.
hardcore
↓
383c2149-3277-4bcd-9e74-ca2237e09c3d.gif
Let's rock.
rock
↓
bebbd933-1eae-4aee-8ada-c82955c6c79a.gif
- You ready? - Ready as I'll ever be.
ready
↓
eebb98d3-ba86-4c22-97de-e758f798740a.gif
What is it?
↓
67f43f58-e12f-4d65-a1d0-821921e613d7.gif
My back. I can't move.
↓
9eaafae7-c252-4c1e-8062-cd46fc3e970b.gif
It happens sometimes. It's genetic.
genetichappenssometimes
↓
ed5c5c5a-e616-4d8b-9662-f32d36415d92.gif
My shoulder muscles are asymmetrical,
musclesshoulder
↓
4c59622e-de25-4e37-ae04-8202c011896b.gif
and it pulls my vertebrae out of alignment.
pullsvertebrae
↓
b7eb3112-a692-499f-b45e-608f12874a99.gif
I'll be fine.
↓
f3e9c9ea-41ef-45fe-b4d7-3bdca0153f71.gif
I just need to ice it.
↓
163ef218-c4ad-43a7-b2d7-05e606044e3c.gif
Which vertebrae?
vertebrae
↓
adcab062-a7d6-4bc9-bbc5-ba98199fe0d5.gif
Fourth and fifth.
fifthfourth
↓
4fcfd889-9733-4c6b-8b7c-70b5d52b71d8.gif
All right. Take him to his room.
room
↓
1963c812-2480-4601-bc8c-69ccb0a44122.gif
Hands out front so you get a balance.
balancefronthands
↓
e8b7ed53-5820-438c-8b32-fd7311ae20a7.gif
- Hold it. Hold it. - Why am I doing this?
↓
8c218e43-a53f-46c6-aa18-4793f506e365.gif
Stop clouding your mind. This is a process.
mindprocess
↓
dd6d5441-feb6-4307-b659-d15aec6e4d2e.gif
Dad, it's street hockey, not clown school.
clownhockeyschoolstreet
↓
0c1e543f-5aeb-40fc-ab1c-a7480f3a76ce.gif
Process.
process
↓
2dfcef79-009c-4471-bbe4-e35cf2350b27.gif
And one and down and over. One--
↓
0d33234b-47f9-40c4-8381-6374c8267ed4.gif
- When am I ever gonna use this? - Full range of motion.
fullmotionrange
↓
feef6904-1dca-440b-8719-22159f6a234a.gif
And point and bump, and point and bump, and point and bump.
bumppoint
↓
4beff0fa-dd83-4c6e-8ff7-37ad730948d1.gif
And then we glide.
glide
↓
60bbad43-ef26-42d8-a826-9bff02a1f24b.gif
How about my skates?
skates
↓
442ca398-9e6e-41ff-acdc-b1db40883dcf.gif
Can I at least try on my skates?
leastskates
↓
4f9bc110-2cc7-40ca-9041-436f2393dae2.gif
Absolutely not. You need at least two more days.
absolutelydaysleast
↓
200bc457-29b5-4030-9b0f-fbb644214239.gif
- Two days? - Uh-huh.
days
↓
4a18dc99-12af-4dee-9634-eab0a8fc9c3b.gif
I know enough to play a game of street hockey now.
gamehockeystreet
↓
d9e042e5-b90d-4ae3-8281-a89b2c981871.gif
- That's all I care about. - Malcolm, we go at the speed I say.
caremalcolmspeed
↓
0004db76-5870-45aa-99b0-a76da6a6eb20.gif
This is about safety and proper technique.
propersafetytechnique
↓
efe49b33-2942-40d2-bed3-ae811873228b.gif
But it doesn't make any sense.
sense
↓
cf9dbb72-94ba-46d0-adf4-3059d35ba9ea.gif
That's because you're not in a skating state of mind.
mindskatingstate
↓
f47f35f9-bb53-40bc-bbd2-10c358d9cd62.gif
Now, that's it. Okay? We're done.
↓
9dc5b733-aa8d-41bd-b10f-a1987059980c.gif
Go home. You know what?
home
↓
069f4bff-5766-4e83-a512-6aca1de6dc2c.gif
Thanks to your attitude, we are now a day behind.
attitudebehindthanks
↓
9f3eff90-5a60-47d5-9588-326bcdbc1665.gif
Fine.
↓
5cec53a6-b56d-4408-8a95-dd0086e92a47.gif
The boy's fighting me, Lois.
boysfightinglois
↓
5e56adf8-2f97-4b9c-a760-abcac399e7c3.gif
Oh, he's got the talent, but he's reckless and wild.
recklesstalentwild
↓
84943149-86bd-410d-a968-22548f30b8f9.gif
- Fine. I'll talk to him. - That's not what I'm asking.
asking
↓
3b6b13bb-b23e-49b9-bf84-20128decb8f3.gif
Well, that's what going to ha--
↓
986533f8-9468-4b00-8e76-6f613b15be39.gif
Would you just take the darn pill?
darnpill
↓
0176cd4a-b640-46a8-bf03-14fee951d1bf.gif
Dear?
dear
↓
b9e8f005-3e27-4959-8c8f-d3fa7950f3eb.gif
I can't believe he cut me off.
believe
↓
46e07009-1237-4f90-bcac-6fd39cd2d1a5.gif
You questioned his ways.
ways
↓
e5fc69a1-6db0-4705-ac75-5de345f3ebf8.gif
Never question his ways. That just makes it take even longer.
longermakesquestionways
↓
31278400-fbd8-423f-bd20-e16618cbc44d.gif
- You gonna go play hockey? - You bet.
hockey
↓
ec8c7751-b943-40a8-8358-651f93ca2284.gif
I'll see you out there. In a month or two.
month
↓
c217ed4c-6560-47aa-871a-827dde16e0fe.gif
I don't know how yet,
↓
713ac1b0-4816-4486-b2e0-4c7672fbcb0e.gif
but there's definitely a way I can justify this.
justify
↓
f28da114-3c0a-443d-99cd-eb773812fbf6.gif
Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
fbe075e3-6d3c-45b9-b02d-5217900db700.gif
Dang, I thought I'd at least get a few minutes in before he busted me.
busteddangleastminutes
↓
20cac4eb-15e6-44dc-a073-4cb9457be98e.gif
You know what? Screw it.
screw
↓
11e447a7-d84e-406f-bf48-4937cc93bda6.gif
- I'm sick of this. - What do you think you're doing?
sick
↓
f17b7189-8dce-4a49-92ec-31fa746499c8.gif
Taking my skates to go play hockey.
hockeyskates
↓
21d743fd-2067-4799-accb-fb6df09456b1.gif
- Absolutely not. We had an agreement. - Agreement?
absolutelyagreement
↓
115a9c67-5448-4bfa-8d94-781f6869c7d4.gif
You just like bossing me around.
bossing
↓
91990ce9-cb1d-4819-ae7a-1f5f183f2a66.gif
And you like fighting me every step of the way.
fightingstep
↓
c746d7c7-884a-414c-85c4-d18d2c24e05e.gif
Because you're treating me like a baby!
babytreating
↓
5143bf99-6898-4b6a-aee2-98c4744934ea.gif
The stuff you're teaching me is stupid.
stuffstupidteaching
↓
497ade68-82bd-47af-a90d-42bf177f5e88.gif
Okay, that's it. You just lost these, pal.
lost
↓
9fbe2768-ddeb-4fdb-90c9-f152000eed8b.gif
Oh, yeah? Well...
↓
b236a1be-113d-4adf-b3a7-283da216ed1e.gif
...you.
↓
da90a590-5d17-40e7-a28a-5f84f673ddd5.gif
You heard me.
heard
↓
7ee9ddeb-ab61-42db-bd3a-cc8e61ff8063.gif
Modeling isn't all glamour.
glamourmodeling
↓
0635bbda-4f3f-44a9-bd7a-f583a257bf22.gif
Sometimes you have to act like it's hot when it's really cold.
coldsometimes
↓
7f24510b-d5c8-4b52-994d-588e0a136c16.gif
People don't realize how hard we work.
hardrealize
↓
328d9a62-6136-43c4-8deb-a692b87aa3bf.gif
I am the only one who truly understands you, Inga.
trulyunderstands
↓
57dcc8b7-8747-4a0d-a611-d5ae70c00010.gif
I cannot believe you said that to Dad.
believecannotcannot-believe
↓
399af66e-4e7e-4e11-9d4d-aba23d6c1873.gif
Oh, and by the way, if you pass Francis on your way to Siberia,
francispass
↓
05c0e16e-30ed-463f-b106-29c0708e4818.gif
tell him I said hi.
↓
fd704c0f-fa24-444b-a365-995d2fe7746d.gif
- Do you think he told Mom? - I wouldn't worry about that.
worry
↓
46d98802-881f-49c6-a74d-d5f81e0073ee.gif
Mom's feeling a lot better.
feelingmoms
↓
953ec530-12f9-4caa-b1a7-99d794b13e83.gif
Dr. Reese paid her a little visit.
paidreesevisit
↓
87b896be-9c5b-40bc-ac33-5f22f72aaa6d.gif
What are you talking about?
↓
35b58eaf-d637-418e-b2e5-8e5035831ba5.gif
Let's just say pills in sandwich, not effective.
effectivepillssandwich
↓
0b7de196-f34b-427f-8789-068b69df60c2.gif
Pills in milk, effective.
effectivemilkpills
↓
dbe05cac-1eb6-4674-b024-3bb2033dd782.gif
I just-- I just don't get it.
↓
6b52bd0d-fb85-42ff-9044-51505ad017e6.gif
I mean, I have always been the good parent.
parent
↓
db6c93e5-83ff-48e5-b16b-9612705d7b30.gif
- That's true. - I'm the nice one.
↓
4055a495-f9b1-43ab-b839-7492498b3ddd.gif
- Yeah, that's true. - You're the bad one.
↓
fecb40c6-e370-48ec-83c3-66851f433f6b.gif
The system can't work with two bad cops.
copssystem
↓
a8a241ec-028e-447f-a722-71ca1f71d85b.gif
Oh, I hate cops.
copshate
↓
20e620e2-8973-4133-8b48-c2fcf2dfc843.gif
Cops-- You know what else I hate are those what-do-you-call-thems? Those...
copshatethems
↓
5b93efbc-cdaa-440b-9f92-799b514fa519.gif
I just wasn't ready for this from Malcolm.
malcolmready
↓
ed89d1b6-2f12-436d-af40-33be83a8ee65.gif
- Soap salesmen. - Not yet.
soap
↓
1ebca401-eaee-4c18-805d-96e063e67e59.gif
But he stepped over the line, and I don't think there's any way back.
linestepped
↓
eccf37e6-90d8-43eb-bcd5-8943284e8672.gif
I mean, not as if I caught him with a cigarette
caughtcigarette
↓
2416fb6f-f926-4456-af29-881034f4ed5b.gif
and can make him smoke a whole carton.
cartonsmokewhole
↓
521d8e2f-8739-437c-b2db-d4fda82849fa.gif
You know what? I hate bigots, too. Oh, I hate bigots.
hate
↓
d4fdd834-5540-4ff6-829d-1ee34a51357d.gif
Malcolm has always been different.
malcolm
↓
24a3debd-3df6-4a61-a61f-eb299b25934f.gif
God, why can't he be like his brothers?
brothers
↓
663f81d4-e21c-4778-b2b9-ae17f1ae51a7.gif
Reese took a swing at me. Francis took a swing at me.
francisreeseswing
↓
4e2de760-f9e9-4742-8400-8a9b7b615e8d.gif
That I can deal with.
deal
↓
83d91c11-c30c-49a0-ac3e-da14c7bc995c.gif
Block, chop, they're on the ground gasping for air. It's over with.
blockchopgaspingground
↓
461a9a75-d631-4200-94b9-052983b20244.gif
But this is like words.
words
↓
78574d1a-688c-4850-b42b-93d1e374aef1.gif
I mean, you know what I hate the most of all?
hate
↓
71da4327-be94-4804-aafb-576613009256.gif
I hate those gigantic pink...
gigantichatepink
↓
4071477b-1341-4062-8448-cb97b4f6fda5.gif
Oh, thank God.
↓
7e920cca-023f-4677-ab70-7f9cf4138a5d.gif
♪ I've paid my dues ♪
duespaid
↓
8b6d6a6e-d796-4a5b-ac70-756c040ea6df.gif
♪ Time after time ♪
↓
777438eb-8ed7-4c1e-a0fb-65d960da3e2e.gif
♪ And bad mistakes ♪
mistakes
↓
d03dac96-7bfb-41a5-809a-593779d401ad.gif
♪ I've made a few ♪
↓
503f7d67-e90b-40d3-af84-8c5eb883e7ca.gif
♪ I've had my share of sand Kicked in my face ♪
facekickedsandshare
↓
44ec03e7-433c-48a9-9c9c-f4d2a41b58ff.gif
♪ But I've come through ♪
↓
5f99215d-6938-4723-9700-56a3ed29eb88.gif
♪ And I need to go on and on And on, and on ♪
↓
e213dd75-a2ce-499b-b39e-87135d779a2a.gif
♪ We are the champions, my friends ♪
championsfriends
↓
5e99c72b-d011-4b1c-a465-c9e761f92017.gif
♪ And we'll keep on fighting 'Til the end ♪
fighting
↓
8cbf2ade-39fa-4156-80a0-4565074bb178.gif
♪ We are the champions ♪
champions
↓
59b30f82-79d7-410e-9ffa-6a69d45223b5.gif
♪ We are the champions ♪
champions
↓
54e303ac-a1b5-4216-b13b-8e4022d6acec.gif
Smoking.
smoking
↓
2865a723-bd35-48e1-9c8c-7d2e1ced0f1b.gif
♪ No time for losers ♪
losers
↓
900c3ea4-14b6-423c-8a61-810a1919b3f1.gif
♪ 'Cause we are the champions ♪
champions
↓
90b97a65-b0c6-4f55-a7f0-2a467f5a79a9.gif
Uh, Houston, we are good to go.
houston
↓
d8cc68b2-2da8-47c9-9080-3a7a24baa266.gif
Uh, roger that.
roger
↓
5a1d0861-c765-4df4-afe8-8f1ef85f7075.gif
You are good to go in five, four, three, two, one.
fivefive-fourfive-four-threefourfour-threethree
↓
c14af434-e1ad-412f-9dac-856058a7369b.gif
Go!
↓
ecd59d7f-8031-4516-a72a-e2e4de4d5c06.gif
Whoo-hoo!
whoo
↓
26906b41-998a-40e7-807c-82583775313c.gif
Hey, fellas.
fellas
↓
79a76c5a-ec1e-470b-a7f0-53a413c95a0f.gif
Boy, has it been two days already?
days
↓
29271018-ddaf-42be-a04d-e9db34bfe9df.gif
How was it, huh?
↓
e3273e25-77f6-4b13-8847-cf8aea75a77a.gif
You just missed the big fire, but, um...
firemissed
↓
f9702ace-d2b1-4bd6-96f1-3daab095e65a.gif
luckily I was here to put it out.
luckily
↓
3bb7dd10-9fb7-4618-a830-bdb571d20a84.gif
Can I offer you some cookie dough?
cookiecookie-doughdoughoffer
↓
f0f6f9bc-421e-4be2-93a7-5e76817ddbf5.gif
Come on, guys, let's be reasonable.
reasonable
↓
fb03e1ba-9200-4327-b5b7-581eb89cd434.gif
I can't spend two days in the woods tied to a chair.
chairdaysspendtiedwoods
↓
d84947b1-e207-4354-9a5b-bcd3df6e5b41.gif
Three days. One extra for lying.
daysextralyingthreethree-days
↓
bac28d13-df60-4426-a60a-ef1b8e53f439.gif
Well, at least lend me a jacket.
jacketleastlend
↓
09224456-d216-4a87-ac54-36c7e37a1f65.gif
Or some food. Dudes, come on.
dudesfood
↓
bc13d6d8-83c1-4821-80c1-5d3f6fa47854.gif
You can't leave me out here with nothing.
↓
183628d1-2a34-4c56-93e9-f8a7b0e9e7ed.gif
That was to me, not at me, right?
↓
2ba3a16c-345c-415e-aac5-3de2a72925ee.gif
Hal.
↓
ecc34e4e-5e53-4a7a-a8a8-4eef5df74135.gif
- Honey, what are you doing up? - Don't you "honey" me.
honey
↓
1a694940-4976-4891-a0c3-1e3c130427e4.gif
You slipped me drugs.
drugsslipped
↓
977ff7cc-4274-4b21-9452-89ad92f30d65.gif
Oh.
↓
f2208450-d01f-4837-87e6-8a73e7809425.gif
You ought to be ashamed of yourself, getting Reese to sandbag me like that.
ashamedoughtreese
↓
4ce57a0d-9772-4a4f-9652-db58130cedc9.gif
"Would you like some milk, mother?"
milkmother
↓
bf0aab8d-47d7-4664-8c4e-00f1907f870f.gif
The kid's never brought me one thing in his entire life.
broughtentireentire-lifekidslife
↓
080acf7d-7b65-4229-a8e5-3bb0afd154b7.gif
And don't think I can't smell those Gut-busters
busterssmell
↓
9ca59c6b-879e-42a5-bebd-8725b51ed844.gif
coming out of your pores.
comingpores
↓
346bbd52-e886-4a5f-bfa0-15356457eed7.gif
You are back on rice cakes, mister, starting now!
cakesmisterricestarting
↓
5caab89a-0174-4963-a93a-5cefb4954d12.gif
Boys. Your mother's mobile.
boysmobilemothers
↓
c1325cc4-7f97-49f4-a54c-4e5926dd9119.gif
Malcolm, I need to see you in the backyard.
backyardmalcolm
↓
a3f4f3bd-ec96-4fe0-9ed1-f14e3c88e547.gif
Now, you said what you said, and we can't change that.
change
↓
7115be2a-c16f-42f2-b037-681cdd77b7e6.gif
And it isn't the kind of thing
↓
12ec99f4-d8a4-4afb-9967-435595880275.gif
that could be solved with an apology or a simple punishment.
apologypunishmentsimplesolved
↓
b0258e50-f44b-479c-8d66-3d807dcd57b5.gif
But we do need to find a way to get past this.
past
↓
07957c2f-faeb-40cd-8401-b85f512a598c.gif
- Agreed? - I guess so.
agreed
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Good. Now, here's how I see it.
↓
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This whole thing stems from you feeling like I treat you like a child.
childfeelingtreatwhole
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So...
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What's this?
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That is 10 pages, single-spaced, of filthy name calling.
callingfilthynamepagessingle
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- What? - They get worse as they go along.
alongworse
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What am I supposed to do with this?
supposed
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Well, since you think you're old enough to use these kind of words,
words
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I think you're old enough to see the effect they have.
effect
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Malcolm, you are gonna look me in the eye
malcolm
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and say every last one of these terrible things
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to the man who held you in his arms the moment you were born.
armsbornheldmoment
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- But, Dad-- - Ah. I'm not your dad. I'm, uh...
↓
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Here.
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- A stinking son of a-- - To my face.
facestinking
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Continue.
continue
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I can't.
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You see, son? Words hurt.
hurtwords
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That's why you have to use them carefully.
carefully
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I understand, Dad. I'm sorry.
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Okay. I think you've had enough.
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No, wait.
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I can make it through the whole list.
listwhole
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I'm not gonna let you down again.
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...hole.
hole
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Good.
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Very thorough.
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Dad, will you please finish teaching me how to skate?
finishskateteaching
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Of course.
course
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But let's not make eye contact for a couple weeks.
contactcouplecouple-weeksweeks
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You got it.
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- Drop it. - Move it.
drop
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Yeah. Come on, Bry.
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- He's open. - Oh, man.
open
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Come on.
↓
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♪ Gotta make a move To a town that's right for me ♪
town
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♪ Town to keep me movin' Keep me groovin' with some energy ♪
energygroovinmovintown
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♪ Well, I talk about it, talk about it Talk about it, talk about it... ♪
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All right, Malcolm.
malcolm
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♪ Talk about movin' ♪
movin
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Go, Malcolm.
malcolm
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What?
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♪ Gotta move on ♪
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Move. Move.
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♪ Gotta move on ♪
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♪ Gotta move on ♪
↓
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Yeah!
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I know I look like an idiot, but I'm kicking ass.
idiotkicking