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Home » Detroiters » S02E05 — Farmer Zack

Detroiters

Season 2, Episode 5 — Farmer Zack

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Detroiters

Episode title: Farmer Zack

Air date: July 12, 2018

Top billed cast: Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson

Sam re-records an old jingle he sang with his ex after it causes friction in his new relationship; Tim finds out that he isn't well-liked on the internet.

Source: TMDB

↓

[laughter] - "Pony" by Ginuwine comes on,

comes laughter pony

↓

and Sam walks straight to the middle of the room,

middle room straight walks

↓

clears a big circle,

circle clears

↓

won't let anybody else dance--

anybody dance

↓

- I drop down to the ground

drop ground

↓

and start doing the worm.

start worm

↓

And boom! My pants split wide open.

boom open pants split wide wide-open

↓

- No underwear! Butt everywhere!

butt underwear

↓

- Man, it was so bad,

↓

the principal had to give Sam his pants.

pants principal

↓

[laughter] - I still have 'em.

laughter

↓

- You do? - They fit! They fit!

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Well, I have a funny prom story.

funny prom story

↓

- Yes! - Okay, okay.

↓

So our theme was Under the Sea.

theme

↓

Except they put stars on the ceiling.

ceiling except stars

↓

Well why would there be stars on the ceiling

ceiling stars

↓

if we're under the sea?!

↓

[laughing]

laughing

↓

Who does that, you know?

↓

- Uh, yeah.

↓

I guess there wouldn't be...

↓

- No. - Ha, ha!

↓

Ah, man, hilarious.

hilarious

↓

- Then I was voted prom queen, so, you know, so dumb.

dumb prom queen voted

↓

- Congratulations. - Thank you so much.

congratulations

↓

I love your hair.

hair love

↓

- Oh, thank you.

↓

- Yeah, Chrissy does YouTube hair tutorials.

chrissy hair youtube

↓

They're pretty popular.

popular

↓

- Oh, I love YouTube!

love youtube

↓

Yeah, I have lots of videos on there

lots videos

↓

of me singing gospel songs.

gospel singing songs

↓

So many views, it's embarrassing.

embarrassing views

↓

So dumb. - Totally.

dumb

↓

- And now it's time for Mort Crim's

mort

↓

Chump of the Week.

chump week

↓

- Oh, here comes Chump. - There we go! Morty!

chump comes morty

↓

- This week's chump is my son's best friend Tucker.

best best-friend chump friend sons tucker weeks

↓

If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover,

coming house sleepover someones

↓

you don't get a nosebleed.

↓

That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.

bled stuff tucker

↓

- Classic Chump.

chump classic

↓

- Up next, watersports and weather.

weather

↓

- ♪ If you want to save money... ♪

money save

↓

- Oh, I love this commercial.

commercial love

↓

- Well, it's one of ours.

↓

- You know that's Sam singing, right?

singing

↓

- Really?

↓

You're so cute. - Eh, actually I'm sexy.

cute sexy

↓

- ♪ Dime after dime ♪

dime

↓

- ♪ It's an undeniable fact ♪

fact undeniable

↓

- ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ You get your nickels back ♪

nickels

↓

♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- Who is that you're singing with?

singing

↓

- Uh, you know,

↓

I don't quite remember.

remember

↓

Something like that kind of is, like, can slip the mind.

mind slip

↓

- Sam, that's Molly.

molly

↓

- Is it, Chrissy? What a fantastic memory you have.

chrissy fantastic memory

↓

- Yeah, we've been doing Sudoku puzzles

puzzles

↓

so we don't go nuts when we're old people.

nuts

↓

- ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- Who's--who's Molly?

molly

↓

- ♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- Just an acquaintance.

acquaintance

↓

- An acquaintance?

acquaintance

↓

You used to call her your soulmate.

used

↓

- Ex-girlfriend.

girlfriend

↓

I guess that's why you guys sound so passionate.

passionate sound

↓

- Ah, it's just a commercial, babe.

babe commercial

↓

Who cares? I mean, it's not like I came.

cares

↓

- Ohhhh, man! - Sam!

ohhhh

↓

- What? I said I didn't come.

↓

- I don't normally comment on the commercials,

comment commercials normally

↓

but that grocery store commercial

commercial grocery grocery-store store

↓

makes me just a little horny.

horny makes

↓

- ♪ Next time ♪

↓

♪ When they ask you ♪

↓

♪ Where you're from ♪

↓

♪ You gon' say Detroit city ♪

city detroit detroit-city

↓

♪ When we get back on our feet, yeah ♪

feet

↓

♪ Yeah ♪

↓

[smooth music]

music smooth

↓

- Yes, sir.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Ho, ho, shit!

↓

[laughing]

laughing

↓

Yeah, that is it right there!

↓

Mm.

↓

Oh, uh, can I-- can I get a Whopper?

↓

- The hell's that? Is that some kind of joke?

hells joke

↓

- Yeah, of course it's a joke.

course joke

↓

I think it's funnier than you do, actually.

funnier

↓

- Well, Tim, I had this great idea.

idea

↓

It's just--it kind of made me laugh.

laugh

↓

I was like, what if--

↓

get this--we re-recorded the Farmer Zack jingle

farmer jingle recorded zack

↓

with me and Shannon singing?

shannon singing

↓

- Ugh.

↓

Shannon's jealous 'cause it's you and Molly.

jealous molly

↓

- No. Shannon didn't even mention it once.

mention shannon

↓

Yet.

↓

But man, it's so awkward, you know.

awkward

↓

It comes on all the time.

comes

↓

So let's re-record it.

record

↓

- Sam, people love that jingle.

jingle love

↓

- Yeah, but they'll love the new jingle

jingle love

↓

even more.

↓

Plus,

plus

↓

Shannon's a professional singer,

professional singer

↓

she's my girlfriend,

girlfriend

↓

and we're doing it, so...

↓

- Yeah, you know what? Fine.

↓

But it's only because I want you and Shannon to be happy.

happy shannon

↓

- Thank you, buddy.

buddy

↓

- But tell me this, my friend...

friend

↓

How's the sex?

↓

- We don't have to do that.

↓

- I'm sorry. I apologize.

apologize

↓

It's a joke. - Okay.

joke

↓

- It's all part of the-- I mean--

part

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- Crap, now I'm picturing you pumping.

picturing pumping

↓

- Now I'm picturing you pumping.

picturing pumping

↓

- For the life of me, I can't understand,

life

↓

why would you steal Kotex?

steal

↓

Do you even know what they are?

↓

Look at me!

↓

Do you know what my daddy would do if he found me

daddy found

↓

stealing some Kotex?

stealing

↓

He would beat my black ass.

beat black

↓

You better look at me. I ain't playin'.

aint playin

↓

I'll put my foot so deep in your ass

deep foot

↓

you'll be walking on my knees.

knees walking

↓

Tomata, you're banned from the store.

banned store

↓

Now get your ass outta here!

outta

↓

Better take that look off you--

↓

you take that look off your face.

face

↓

- You can't steal, buddy. Ooh! Sam!

buddy steal

↓

- Hey, guys. What can I do you for?

↓

- Randy, we think it's about time

randy

↓

you update that commercial of yours.

commercial update

↓

- Are you crazy? People love that commercial.

commercial crazy love

↓

- Yes, they love it. But it's outdated.

love outdated

↓

- Yeah, times are changing,

changing times

↓

and people want a grocery store that changes with them.

changes grocery grocery-store store

↓

- Let's walk! Tell me what you're talking about.

walk

↓

- Let's walk, let's walk.

walk

↓

- You got to check, because they be stealing the toys

check stealing toys

↓

in here, you know what I'm sayin'?

sayin

↓

You put little ski masks in there,

masks

↓

you know what I'm sayin'?

sayin

↓

Chocolate Duke, baby. You can't--[chuckles]

baby chocolate chuckles duke

↓

- Yeah, well it's just Count Chocula.

count

↓

- Hmm?

↓

- Randy, we were thinking,

randy thinking

↓

for the new commercial, we could update the song, uh,

commercial song update

↓

with different prices for the holidays,

holidays prices

↓

like, uh, "for the 4th of July, hot dogs are 2.99.

dogs july

↓

That price just blew my mind..."

blew mind price

↓

- Mike!

mike

↓

Don't squeeze the melons like that, man,

squeeze

↓

I can smell your fingers on it!

fingers smell

↓

- I don't do that anymore.

anymore

↓

- I'm lookin' at ya, man.

lookin

↓

- No, I'm looking at 'em to buy.

looking

↓

- Oh, I'm sorry, man. My apologies, man.

apologies

↓

Tsunami of apologies to you.

apologies

↓

Okay, that's fine. You can update the song,

song update

↓

but we gotta do something with this goddamn character.

character goddamn

↓

- Yes. - We gotta update him,

update

↓

you know what I'm sayin'?

sayin

↓

We need to get rid of this hat,

↓

give him some black shades, and a--

black shades

↓

like a black shirt, let his muscles pop out.

black muscles shirt

↓

- You want Farmer Zack to lose the straw hat

farmer lose straw zack

↓

and have a tight black shirt?

black shirt tight

↓

- That's it. - Yeah.

↓

Yeah, we could do that, though.

↓

- That's what I mean. Mike!

mike

↓

What you doing, man?!

↓

He just had his dick in a melon.

dick melon

↓

He's got his dick in a melon!

dick melon

↓

- Oh, she's buying the dick melon.

buying dick melon

↓

She's buying the dick--ma'am! - Ma'am!

buying dick maam maam-maam

↓

- Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am! - Ma'am!

maam maam-maam

↓

- A man had his penis in that.

penis

↓

- I'll get you a new one.

↓

- Mm-hmm.

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

- Oh, babe. - Hm?

babe

↓

- Got some exciting news. - What?

exciting exciting-news news

↓

- We just hired an amazing gospel singer

amazing gospel hired singer

↓

to sing the new and improved Farmer Zack's jingle.

farmer farmer-zacks improved jingle sing zacks

↓

- Is it that raggedy bitch Bebe Jenkins?

bebe bitch jenkins raggedy

↓

- Oh, no, babe, uh, it's-- I was talking about you.

babe

↓

Just trying to be sweet. It's you.

sweet

↓

- Oh, my God!

↓

Oh, my--that'll be so much fun.

fun thatll

↓

Babe, you're the cutest.

babe cutest

↓

- Ah, actually I'm the sexiest.

sexiest

↓

But yeah, we can re-record the jingle

jingle record

↓

and never hear the old one again.

↓

- Good. Because you acted so weird

acted weird

↓

when it came on the other day.

↓

Sam, I'm not bothered

bothered

↓

by you and your ex being so sexual,

sexual

↓

'cause...

↓

we can be sexual, too.

sexual

↓

- Oh. - And not just in the studios.

studios

↓

Goodnight.

goodnight

↓

- Hey, YouTubers, it's your girl

girl

↓

Chrissy-Cross comin' at you

chrissy comin cross

↓

with that new hotness--

↓

a natural hair up-do.

hair natural

↓

Just follow the steps in this tutorial,

follow steps

↓

put on a dress that shows off your figure,

dress figure shows

↓

and get out of the house!

house

↓

- Why are you talking like that?

↓

- Dang it, Tim. Get out of the shot.

dang shot

↓

- Sam is gonna re-record the Farmer Zack's jingle

farmer farmer-zacks jingle record zacks

↓

with Shannon.

shannon

↓

- Really?

↓

Sam and Molly had such good chemistry

chemistry molly

↓

in that song.

song

↓

And no offense to Shannon... - None taken.

offense shannon taken

↓

- But it just won't be the same.

↓

- I know. - I mean,

↓

she's a perfectly nice girl.

girl perfectly

↓

- Perfectly nice. - But you can tell

perfectly

↓

when two people just aren't right for each other,

↓

- Yeah. When Sam's around her,

sams

↓

he's completely lost his star factor.

completely completely-lost factor lost star

↓

- What? - His star factor.

factor star

↓

That special something that makes you go from

makes special

↓

a face in the crowd to a face in lights.

crowd face lights

↓

- You gonna tell him? - No.

↓

I'm gonna pretend to be supportive.

pretend supportive

↓

- Good for you.

↓

Now get out of here. I'm making a tutorial.

↓

And don't cross through in the background.

background cross

↓

- Why not?

↓

- 'Cause when you do,

↓

people in the comments section roast you.

comments roast section

↓

I mean, they light you up.

light

↓

- [scoffs] Like I care what people who watch your tutorials

care scoffs watch

↓

say about me.

↓

What is one?

↓

- "When did Chucky grow up and get ugly?"

grow ugly

↓

- Chucky grow up to get ugly?!

grow ugly

↓

Chucky's ugly as a boy!

ugly

↓

Bad logic. Next.

logic

↓

- [sighs]

sighs

↓

"Look like the McRib is back."

↓

- [sputtering] How am I a McRib?!

↓

I'm a man with a big old hog!

↓

Put that in the video! I--I don't care.

care video

↓

Ha, ha, that's-- I don't care.

care

↓

- Okay, then.

↓

Hey, YouTubers, it's your girl,

girl

↓

Chrissy Cross, coming to--

chrissy coming cross

↓

- What you got to say about this right here?

↓

- Tim, no!

↓

both: ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ You'll get your nickels back ♪

nickels

↓

both: ♪ Yeah, it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ Farmer Zaaaa... ♪

farmer

↓

♪ Aaaack's ♪

↓

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

↓

♪ Yeah ♪ Whoo!

whoo

↓

In His name. How was that?

name

↓

- That was great, babe.

babe

↓

- Good? - Great job!

↓

Great job.

↓

- That wasn't sexy.

sexy

↓

- Not at all.

↓

It was like feeling up a girl

feeling girl

↓

and there's turds in her bra.

turds

↓

- Turds in her bra?

turds

↓

Why would she have turds in her bra?

turds

↓

- It's a prank, idiot.

idiot prank

↓

- Ugh.

↓

♪ ♪ Farmer Zaaaa... ♪

farmer

↓

♪ Aaaack's ♪

↓

- I don't like it, guys.

↓

It's not making me horny.

horny

↓

- I'm sorry? - It didn't give me wood.

wood

↓

Look. No wood. Flat as a board. You know?

board flat wood

↓

Well, that's a piss dot right there.

piss

↓

Sometimes when I urine, I don't stop it all the way.

sometimes urine

↓

And, you know, it comes out on my clothes.

clothes comes

↓

I mean, I don't know what you guys did.

↓

You did something different, but--

↓

- Well, actually, we brought in a professional singer.

brought professional singer

↓

- Mm-mm. Bring back that nice lady.

bring lady

↓

What's her name? Molly.

molly name

↓

Yeah. About this farmer thing.

farmer

↓

- Yeah, we gave him the tight black shirt,

black shirt tight

↓

and we gave him the cool sunglasses.

cool sunglasses

↓

- Good. But you know what I'm thinking?

thinking

↓

Leather pants.

leather leather-pants pants

↓

- Farmer Zack's gonna wear leather pants?

farmer farmer-zacks leather leather-pants pants wear zacks

↓

- And...

↓

a black trench coat.

black coat trench trench-coat

↓

- Yeah, we can do all that.

↓

- Thanks, guys. - Well, this sucks.

sucks thanks

↓

I mean, re-recording the song with my ex-girlfriend's

girlfriends recording song

↓

gonna be much more awkward.

awkward

↓

- Yeah, I completely agree.

agree completely

↓

- I mean, the Shannon and me version

shannon version

↓

is better than the Molly and me version.

molly version

↓

Technically. - Yeah, technically.

technically

↓

I just Randy's probably just coming from a place

coming place

↓

where he feels the other version was more fun.

feels fun version

↓

- Yeah, I see that.

↓

But the version with Shannon was great.

shannon version

↓

[together] Technically. - Technically it is.

technically

↓

- Technically. - Technically.

technically

↓

[groovy music]

groovy music

↓

- Hey, pig.

↓

- Get ourselves some lettuce and tomato,

lettuce tomato

↓

and we got ourselves a BLT.

↓

- Careful. Before I turn this body cam off

body careful

↓

and go to town on your ass.

town

↓

- You ain't wearing a body cam.

aint body wearing

↓

- Whoops.

whoops

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- There she is. How are you, Molly?

molly

↓

- Hey, good. - Great to see you.

↓

- Good to see you too, Tim. - Yeah.

↓

- Sam, you're looking well.

looking

↓

- And sexy, I know.

sexy

↓

Molly, I need to talk to you.

molly

↓

- I'll give you some space.

space

↓

- Molly, we're shooting a new Farmer Zack's commercial.

commercial farmer farmer-zacks molly shooting zacks

↓

And we need you to sing the jingle again.

jingle sing

↓

- With you? - Yeah, with me.

↓

- Like last time?

↓

- Hey, babe.

babe

↓

- Like last time.

↓

- My name is Tim.

name

↓

- Well, I ain't seen anything pretty as you

aint seen

↓

in about a minute or two.

minute

↓

- [chuckles] Doubt it.

chuckles doubt

↓

- Shut up. Sorry, Tim.

↓

- It's fine. I actually need this right now.

↓

Somebody called me Chucky on the Internet.

called internet somebody

↓

- Like a handsome version of Chucky?

handsome version

↓

- [laughs] You. Shut up.

laughs

↓

[giggling]

giggling

↓

- Sam, the last time we sang that song,

sang song

↓

we were in love.

love

↓

- Yeah, we almost got engaged.

engaged

↓

I put a ring in a piece of cake.

cake piece ring

↓

- I ate the cake.

cake

↓

- And then, when we went through your stool,

stool

↓

there were two diamond rings in there.

diamond rings

↓

That's how I knew you were cheating on me.

cheating

↓

- Sam, I'm still so sorry about that.

↓

- We don't have to go down that road.

road

↓

Just... re-record the jingle with me, okay?

jingle record

↓

- Yeah, sure.

↓

I figure I owe you one.

figure

↓

- Molly? Can I get your set of keys?

keys molly

↓

He wants to get let out of there.

wants

↓

He wants to get a better look at my body.

body wants

↓

- No! He murdered someone.

murdered

↓

- Ricky!

ricky

↓

- ♪ It's bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

[giggles] ♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

farmer farmer-zacks giggles zacks

↓

- It's just so catchy. - [mumbling]

catchy mumbling

↓

- ♪ If you wanna save money... ♪

money save

↓

- Maybe that's enough singing for tonight.

singing tonight

↓

- Hey, YouTubers, it's that Chrissy-Issy-Issy

chrissy

↓

coming at you with another hairstyle--

another coming

↓

- "I love your tutorials,

love

↓

but your husband's not hot enough for you."

husbands

↓

Disagree.

disagree

↓

"Gross husband." Disagree.

disagree gross husband

↓

"This girl's married to the Penguin."

girls married

↓

No, she's not! Disagree!

disagree

↓

"Watch out, Chrissy, there's a fat ghost in your room."

chrissy ghost room watch

↓

Bullshit!

bullshit

↓

[exhales]

exhales

↓

[grunts]

grunts

↓

Listen up, society.

society

↓

You are now ordered

ordered

↓

to cease and desist the teasing

cease desist teasing

↓

of one Tim Cramblin.

cramblin

↓

We are the agents of chaos.

agents chaos

↓

Stop teasing him!

teasing

↓

- Tim, you clogged the toilet again.

clogged toilet

↓

- As if.

↓

- Stop putting baby wipes in the toilet.

baby putting toilet wipes

↓

- Shut up. - What?

↓

- Nothing. Sorry, sweetheart.

sweetheart

↓

- Yeah. I love the trench coat,

coat love trench trench-coat

↓

the tight muscle shirt,

muscle shirt tight

↓

the leather pants--

leather leather-pants pants

↓

oh, the shades, the shades.

shades

↓

Yeah. You know what'd be really cool?

cool whatd

↓

If we made him black.

black

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- Hell yes! And you know what?

↓

I wouldn't be mad if he had a sword.

sword

↓

- Yeah, but Tim, what if Molly and I

molly

↓

reach the same depths of sexuality as last time?

reach sexuality

↓

I mean, that would be cheating, right?

cheating

↓

- Yeah, it would, but you'll be fine.

↓

- I mean, I dressed down to look less attractive.

attractive dressed less

↓

- Sorry, bud.

↓

You look like a friggin' smoke show.

friggin smoke

↓

- I know. I'm a hot piece of ass.

piece

↓

Perfect ten. - Mm-hmm.

perfect

↓

- Girls want to bang me, and guys want to be me

bang girls

↓

being banged by them.

banged

↓

- Sucks.

sucks

↓

- Maybe I shouldn't do this.

↓

- Calm down. It's just Molly.

calm molly

↓

[elevator dings]

dings elevator elevator-dings

↓

[sensual jazz music]

jazz jazz-music music sensual

↓

- ♪ Some women can make a man ♪

women

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ A very good wife ♪

wife

↓

♪ But let me tell you, crooked woman's ♪

crooked womans

↓

♪ Not worth the sacrifice ♪

sacrifice worth

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ Oh well, I don't want no ♪

↓

♪ Crooked wom--

crooked

↓

- Hi, Sam.

↓

- Hey, Molly. You look great.

molly

↓

- Thanks. I was in a prostitution sting.

sting thanks

↓

High-end.

↓

- Well, I bet you got a lot of offers

offers

↓

for HJs or BJs or whatever's else was on the menu.

menu whatevers

↓

I bet they wanted it all.

wanted

↓

Who cares? Molly, come on. Let's do this.

cares molly

↓

- Okay, you two. Make love to my ears.

ears love

↓

Bareback, baby. No Jimmy. Raw dog.

baby bareback jimmy

↓

[piano music]

music piano piano-music

↓

- ♪ If you w--

↓

sorry, I, uh--

↓

can you start over?

start

↓

- You came in a little late there.

late

↓

- Yeah, I did. - [laughing]

laughing

↓

- Oh, my God, super cute.

cute super super-cute

↓

Let's do it again, okay? Raw dog. No raincoat.

raincoat

↓

- Sam, I like your outfit.

outfit

↓

You look sexy.

sexy

↓

- ♪ If you want to save money ♪

money save

↓

♪ More than just some of the time ♪

↓

- ♪ It's an undeniable fact ♪

fact undeniable

↓

- ♪ If you want to save dollars dime after dime after dime ♪

dime dollars save

↓

- ♪ It's an undeniable fact ♪

fact undeniable

↓

both: ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ You get your nickels back ♪

nickels

↓

both: ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

♪ Cupid's got a secret ♪

secret

↓

♪ Chocolates just 10.99 ♪

chocolates

↓

- ♪ Perfect for your Valentine ♪

perfect valentine

↓

- ♪ For your romantic dinner ♪

dinner romantic

↓

♪ Bring home a bottle of wine ♪

bottle bring bring-home home wine

↓

- ♪ You'll have a really good time ♪

↓

both: ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

bargain farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Oh!

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

we have genuine wood.

genuine wood

↓

- Oh! - Huh?

↓

Look at that!

↓

That's a piss dot right there,

piss

↓

but it's old.

↓

[mellow music]

mellow music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Tim, back at the studio,

studio

↓

I came. - Cool.

cool

↓

- I mean, there's a chemistry there.

chemistry

↓

I can't explain it. - Yeah.

explain

↓

- I mean, Shannon's so nice.

↓

- So nice.

↓

- Tim, I don't know what to do.

↓

- I think you should do...

↓

whatever it is you're about to do.

↓

- Break up with her?

break

↓

- Maybe. I mean...

↓

As long as you get to hit them skins one last time.

skins

↓

- Oh, Tim, come on. What are you doing?

↓

Don't talk like that. - I don't know.

↓

It's this hat. It's changing me.

changing

↓

- Throw it out.

throw

↓

- I tried.

tried

↓

- ♪ Sweet chariot ♪

sweet

↓

♪ Comin' for to carry me... ♪

carry comin

↓

Hey, babe. - Hey, Shannon.

babe shannon

↓

- What's wrong?

↓

- I don't think this is working.

working

↓

- What? [chuckles]

chuckles

↓

This is coming out of nowhere.

coming

↓

Is there something wrong with the song?

song

↓

- No, uh... well,

↓

we did have to re-record the song with Molly.

molly record song

↓

But it's only because the--

↓

the client thought there was no spark in ours,

client spark

↓

which is kind of my point.

point

↓

There's, like, no spark here.

spark

↓

- What are you gonna do?

↓

Spend the rest of your life hanging out with Tim

hanging life rest spend

↓

telling vulgar high school stories about your ass

school stories telling vulgar

↓

and your testicles?

testicles

↓

- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

I never said my balls came out, okay?

balls

↓

I mean, they did.

↓

Got a huge laugh.

huge laugh

↓

Look, Shannon, you're perfect.

perfect shannon

↓

But we're not perfect for each other.

perfect

↓

And I don't think either of us should settle

settle

↓

for anything less.

less

↓

[reflective music]

music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Sam...

↓

I just want you to know

↓

that I never felt like I was settling.

settling

↓

- I did.

↓

I--I felt like I was settling.

settling

↓

- Damn it, Sam. - Oh, sorry.

↓

S--ah, oof. No, I'm sorry.

↓

- [sputters]

sputters

↓

- Love you.

love

↓

Oh, I'm s-- I'm sorry.

↓

- Listen up, society. - Tim.

society

↓

You posted that video under my name?

name posted video

↓

- No. Cease and desist...

cease desist

↓

Why, what happened? Did you get hacked by Anonymous?

anonymous hacked happened

↓

- Well, I did it.

↓

Slingin' single Sammy is back town, baby.

baby sammy single town

↓

- I'm sorry, buddy. That must've been hard.

buddy hard mustve

↓

- It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

hardest life

↓

- She was sweet.

sweet

↓

And Mom and Dad will be crushed.

crushed

↓

But ten years from now,

years

↓

you don't want to wake up and realize

realize wake

↓

you married the wrong person.

married person

↓

- Yep, yeah. - That's true.

↓

Chrissy's right. She could've turned out

couldve turned

↓

to be a child molester.

child child-molester molester

↓

- What? - What?

↓

- Well, I'm just-- I'm just saying,

↓

Chrissy's saying, ten years is a long time.

years

↓

A lot could happen.

happen

↓

She could turned into a child molester.

child child-molester molester turned

↓

- That is not what I'm saying.

↓

- Tim, how do you "turn into" a child molester?

child child-molester molester

↓

- Uh, you get molested by one, Sam.

molested

↓

- It's not like getting bit by a werewolf.

↓

- Uh, whatever, I'm just agreeing,

agreeing

↓

Mom and Dad are gonna be crushed.

crushed

↓

Hey, to Shannon.

shannon

↓

- To Shannon. - To Shannon.

shannon

↓

- God bless her.

bless

↓

Get her off these streets before she [bleep] a kid.

bleep streets

↓

- Baby, no.

baby

↓

- ♪ And it's always bargain time ♪

bargain

↓

♪ At Farmer Zack's ♪

farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

- ♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

farmer farmer-zacks zacks

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Whoa! Was that Blade?

blade whoa

↓

Blade is so freaking cool.

blade cool freaking

↓

And now moving onto the lighter side of the news,

lighter moving news side

↓

what's actually in your dog's food?

dogs food

↓

The surprising answer might make you rethink

answer might rethink surprising

↓

eating dog food.

eating food

↓

[techno music]

music techno techno-music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Mike!

mike

↓

Don't you do--

↓

don't you do it!

↓

[both mumbling]

mumbling

↓

- Uh-huh.

↓

- Right. Right.

↓

- Well, I'll be danged.