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Home » Detroiters » S01E06 — 3rd Floor

Detroiters

Season 1, Episode 6 — 3rd Floor

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Detroiters

Episode title: 3rd Floor

Air date: March 14, 2017

Top billed cast: Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson

A new tech company moves into Tim and Sam's building, disrupting their daily flow; Sam lies to Tim about his plans after developing a crush on one of the women from the new company.

Source: TMDB

↓

- Lindsay's Mirror Depot

depot lindsays mirror

↓

is Detroit's one stop

detroits

↓

for all your mirror needs.

mirror needs

↓

We have round mirrors,

mirrors round

↓

wall mirrors,

mirrors wall

↓

rectangle mirrors,

mirrors

↓

golden mirrors,

golden mirrors

↓

rustic mirrors,

mirrors

↓

fancy mirrors,

fancy mirrors

↓

baby's first mirror,

babys mirror

↓

brown mirrors.

brown mirrors

↓

We have every kind of mirror in the world

mirror world

↓

that we could find.

↓

- Lea, I thought we kept telling you

telling

↓

to take us out in post.

post

↓

- And I kept telling you I can't do that.

telling

↓

- Well, buckle up, everybody,

buckle everybody

↓

'cause we are not leaving this room

leaving room

↓

until we get this right.

↓

- Oh, actually, it's 6:00. - You can barely see us.

barely

↓

Let's put a pin in this till Monday morning.

monday morning till

↓

Great job, everybody.

everybody

↓

You have plans for the weekend?

plans weekend

↓

- Uh, yeah, I'm gonna have dinner at your house.

dinner house

↓

You?

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- * Oh, I just can't wait

↓

- Yeah, I'm...

↓

I'm having dinner with my best friend.

best best-friend dinner friend having having-dinner

↓

*

↓

- Let's do it.

↓

- Ah, but first,

↓

I have to take a little trip

trip

↓

to the third floor.

floor third third-floor

↓

- Ah, the third floor.

floor third third-floor

↓

- Yes, old magic number three.

magic number number-three three

↓

- I take it the Browns are going to the Super Bowl?

bowl browns super super-bowl

↓

- Yeah. I first have to, uh, drop the kids off at the pool

drop kids pool

↓

and then I'm going to, uh, crap in that pool.

pool

↓

- Mm-hmm, and you're gonna do it in the lovely,

lovely

↓

pristine, quiet majesty...

majesty quiet

↓

- Yes. - Of the third floor bathroom.

bathroom floor third third-floor

↓

- Yes, of course. - For your journey, sir.

course journey

↓

- Thank you, my friend. - Mm-hmm.

friend

↓

Have a fantastic poop.

fantastic poop

↓

*

↓

Morning, Sheila. - Morning, Sheila.

morning morning-sheila sheila

↓

- Morning, boys.

boys morning

↓

Lindsay of Lindsay's Mirror Depot called.

called depot lindsay lindsays mirror

↓

She wants to see the commercial.

commercial wants

↓

- Well, that would make three of us.

three

↓

Shall we?

↓

- Uh, one minute.

minute

↓

The third floor is...

floor third third-floor

↓

calling my butthole's name.

buttholes calling name

↓

- Is it, uh...

↓

Oh, Frederick!

frederick

↓

Why, who is it?

↓

- It's the third floor.

floor third third-floor

↓

- Well, I declare,

declare

↓

I'm coming to poop on you.

coming poop

↓

Actually, poop and pee.

poop

↓

I got to do both.

↓

I--I'm talking as Sam now.

↓

- I don't know what you're doing.

↓

- Yeah, no, it's me. It's Sam.

↓

- Oh. Well, if you're traveling,

traveling

↓

you are going to need your suitcase.

suitcase

↓

- Why, thank you, my good man.

↓

- Of course.

course

↓

Did you get outside this weekend, or did you...?

weekend

↓

*

↓

- The phone lines are off,

lines phone

↓

so distribute the extension list

distribute extension list

↓

and Wi-Fi password.

password

↓

Also, make sure everybody

everybody

↓

breaks down their empty cardboard boxes for recycling.

boxes breaks cardboard empty recycling

↓

Tim. It's over.

↓

It's over. The third floor is over.

floor third third-floor

↓

- Sam, slow down. What are you talking about?

slow

↓

So okay, so I went downstairs

downstairs

↓

to poop, and then, uh-- you--I went downstairs.

downstairs poop

↓

There's a bunch of people, and there's--there's

bunch

↓

a business down there, and-- - You sped up.

business

↓

- Sam, slow down. What's wrong?

slow

↓

- We can't poop on the third floor anymore.

anymore floor poop third third-floor

↓

- Take it back.

↓

What the hell?

↓

- Take it back.

↓

- Stop trying to kill me.

kill

↓

- You're frickin' stronger than me.

frickin stronger

↓

Who cares?

cares

↓

*

↓

- * Next time

↓

* When they ask you

↓

* Where you're from

↓

* You gon' say Detroit city

city detroit detroit-city

↓

* When we get back on our feet, yeah *

feet

↓

* Yeah

↓

- Ned, red alert.

alert

↓

- Yo, Tim, Sam.

↓

My favorite ad guys.

favorite

↓

Oh! Got a commercial for you.

commercial

↓

Campbell's Soup: it's just wet-ass food.

food soup

↓

- Not now, Ned.

↓

There are intruders in the building.

building

↓

- No, that's that new tech company.

company tech tech-company

↓

They just moved in. They're pretty cool.

cool moved

↓

As in full

full

↓

- Yeah. They're legit too.

legit

↓

They're doing all these renovations.

renovations

↓

Like, they're fixing stuff up.

fixing stuff

↓

Right upstairs with that.

upstairs

↓

Oh, while I got you guys here,

↓

I want to get your pictures, 'cause everybody has to get

everybody pictures

↓

these new ID badges now.

badges

↓

- Cheese.

cheese

↓

Oh, those shoulders.

shoulders

↓

And that neck.

neck

↓

- Thanks, Ned.

thanks

↓

- Jesus Christ, that neck.

christ jesus jesus-christ neck

↓

Bye, Tim.

↓

- What the...

↓

- Hold the door.

door

↓

Thanks.

thanks

↓

Sorry.

↓

DUI?

↓

- No, it's just good exercise,

exercise

↓

good for the environment.

environment

↓

*

↓

You guys are up on four? - Yeah.

four

↓

Tim Cramblin, Cramblin-Duvet Advertising.

advertising cramblin cramblin-duvet cramblin-duvet-advertising duvet duvet-advertising

↓

Been in the building for decades.

building decades

↓

Many decades, hundreds of years.

decades hundreds years

↓

- Sam Duvet.

duvet

↓

I'm his best friend, also co-boss.

best best-friend boss friend

↓

- Toby Hart, DTC.

toby

↓

We're a tech company out of Denver,

company denver tech tech-company

↓

and we are super excited

excited super

↓

to be moving our headquarters here to Detroit.

detroit headquarters moving

↓

Didn't even have to change the D.

change

↓

- Automated customer communication.

automated communication customer

↓

Basically, we want to do for the service repair industry

industry repair service

↓

what Home Depot did for hammers and nails.

depot hammers home home-depot nails

↓

- Oh.

↓

- Third floor.

floor third third-floor

↓

See you around, neighbors.

neighbors

↓

- Tip to tail, piece of shit.

piece tail

↓

- But new tech company is good for the city.

city company tech tech-company

↓

- It's good for the city.

city

↓

- Good for the city.

city

↓

- I think hammers did more for Home Depot

depot hammers home home-depot

↓

than Home Depot did for hammers.

depot hammers home home-depot

↓

I mean, like, how do you even build

build

↓

a Home Depot without the hammer?

depot hammer home home-depot

↓

- Let's go check in with Lea.

check

↓

- Uh, you go ahead, my good man.

ahead go-ahead

↓

But I still have a stinky little Santa Claus up my butt,

butt claus santa santa-claus stinky

↓

and the only chimney is behind Sheila's desk.

behind chimney desk

↓

Aw.

↓

Hello, Sheila.

sheila

↓

- Sam.

↓

- Uh, you want to maybe go get a coffee?

coffee

↓

- No, I'm just fine.

↓

- Oh, yeah.

↓

Uh, maybe you want to go get a cof--

↓

uh, like, a tea?

↓

Maybe, like, a smoothie?

smoothie

↓

- I'm fine.

↓

- Can you please leave your desk for a little bit?

desk

↓

Fine.

↓

- We have round mirrors,

mirrors round

↓

wall mirrors,

mirrors wall

↓

rectangle mirrors.

mirrors

↓

- It's getting there.

↓

It's getting there.

↓

Can we just zoom in here,

zoom

↓

pull this out, stretch it,

pull stretch

↓

then digitalize it?

↓

- No.

↓

- We're close.

close

↓

- We're close!

close

↓

- I'm not gonna apologize for that, Sheila.

apologize sheila

↓

- It's fine. - All right, look.

↓

I don't like it any more than you do, okay?

↓

But that's just the world we're living in.

living world

↓

- I said it's fine.

↓

- If we don't poop, we die, Sheila.

poop sheila

↓

- Is Sheila refusing to poop again?

poop refusing sheila

↓

- You've got Lindsay on line one!

lindsay line

↓

- Hey, Lindsay, you're on with Tim and Sam.

lindsay

↓

This is Tim. - This is Sam.

↓

- Hi, guys. Now, and--

↓

and when can I see the commercial?

commercial

↓

'Cause it was due last Friday.

friday

↓

- Lindsay, this is Tim. I thought we said this Friday.

friday lindsay

↓

- No, no, we said last Friday.

friday

↓

- Ah, Lindsay, this is Sam.

lindsay

↓

Let's go ahead and chalk that up to a miscommunication.

ahead chalk go-ahead miscommunication

↓

- Lindsay, this is Tim.

lindsay

↓

Yeah, we bungled that on our end,

↓

but we'll definitely have

↓

something to show you by this Friday.

friday

↓

- Lindsay, Sam. Yeah, we want to make sure

lindsay

↓

that thing's absolutely perfect for you, okay?

absolutely absolutely-perfect perfect

↓

- Boys, this is Sheila.

boys sheila

↓

We lost Lindsay.

lindsay lost

↓

- Sheila, this is Tim.

sheila

↓

Can we try and get Lindsay back on the line?

lindsay line

↓

- Tim, Sheila.

sheila

↓

I'm working on it.

working

↓

- Sheila, this is Sam.

sheila

↓

Thank you, Sheila.

sheila

↓

- That was pretty good.

↓

- No, it was not.

↓

- No, it definitely wasn't.

↓

Yeah, I'll send a follow-up email

email follow send

↓

to Lindsay when I get home.

home lindsay

↓

- Oh, you don't have to.

↓

You can send it from here now, actually.

send

↓

Yeah, those buttmunches on three

three

↓

installed fiber-optic Wi-Fi for the whole building.

building fiber installed whole

↓

- Now grab your perfect little pecker and start...

grab pecker perfect start

↓

- It's a JOI video.

video

↓

It's jerk-off instructions.

instructions jerk

↓

- They tell you why to jerk off.

jerk

↓

- We really are living in the future.

future living

↓

- Grab your private area and yank.

area grab private yank

↓

- You know, as much as I hate that DTC took away our bathroom

bathroom hate

↓

and made us get security badges,

badges security

↓

they haven't been all that bad for the building.

building

↓

- Oh, I couldn't agree more.

agree

↓

You know, I say, welcome, DTC.

welcome

↓

- Oh, come on!

↓

"Saving Detroit"?

detroit saving

↓

- Oh, eat shit.

↓

- You eat shit, asshole!

asshole

↓

- Tim, not you. Them.

↓

- Oh. Yeah, eat shit!

↓

- "The new face of the Motor City"?

city face motor

↓

I'm honestly mad, and I don't get mad.

↓

- You don't. You get even. - I do.

↓

- Smug son of a bitch has been here one week.

bitch smug week

↓

They're on the cover of a magazine?

cover magazine

↓

We've been here our entire lives.

entire entire-lives lives

↓

We've never been on the cover of a magazine.

cover magazine

↓

- Well, "Chubby Buddies."

buddies chubby

↓

- Yeah, "Chubby Buddies."

buddies chubby

↓

- I'm starving.

starving

↓

Let's get something to eat.

↓

"Saving Detroit."

detroit saving

↓

They're not even from Detroit. We're from Detroit.

detroit

↓

- No, I'm from Detroit. You're from suburbs.

detroit suburbs

↓

- Don't say that anymore.

anymore

↓

- You can't just waltz into the city and claim it as your own.

city claim waltz

↓

- Yeah, you can't just throw on a Tigers cap,

throw tigers

↓

eat a Coney dog, and all of a sudden you're Kid Rock.

coney rock sudden

↓

- He's from the suburbs too. - Come on.

suburbs

↓

Why are we stopping?

stopping

↓

- Hey, Sam, Tim.

↓

- Toby.

toby

↓

- This is Abigail.

abigail

↓

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

↓

- Uh, yeah, we do.

↓

- That's a stupid joke. I don't like that joke anymore.

anymore joke stupid

↓

We're on the fourth floor.

floor fourth

↓

*

↓

- Oh, hey, Toby,

toby

↓

I just wanted to personally thank you

personally wanted

↓

for saving our city.

city saving

↓

- Yeah, thanks for reaching into the garbage

garbage reaching thanks

↓

and pulling us out.

pulling

↓

- Oh, you guys saw the magazine thing.

magazine

↓

That is so embarrassing.

embarrassing

↓

But you know, whatever helps the business.

business helps

↓

- Mm-hmm. - Saving Detroit.

detroit saving

↓

I guess we're gonna have to start wearing capes to work.

capes start wearing

↓

- Hey, we're gonna do a pedal pub at 6:00 tonight.

pedal tonight

↓

Should be supes fun.

fun supes

↓

- It's a bar on wheels

wheels

↓

that you pedal around.

pedal

↓

You guys want to join?

join

↓

- Ah, we can't.

↓

We're buried too deep

buried deep

↓

under the ashes of our smoldering city.

ashes city

↓

You're funny, Tim.

funny

↓

- Actually, I'm not. Sam's the funny one.

funny sams

↓

- Well, when I have time to prepare.

prepare

↓

- Hey, we were gonna have lunch at a place on Gratiot.

lunch place

↓

Is that a safe area?

area safe

↓

- Yeah, it's a safe area.

area safe

↓

This is Detroit, not a third world country.

country detroit third third-world third-world-country world world-country

↓

- It says it's only a 12-minute walk.

minute walk

↓

both: Walk?

walk

↓

No. - Absolutely take a car.

absolutely

↓

Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

Just keep your heads above ya, you know what I mean?

heads

↓

- Look up. Stay off your phone.

phone

↓

- Thanks for the tip.

thanks

↓

*

↓

- We have round mirrors,

mirrors round

↓

wall mirrors,

mirrors wall

↓

rectangle mirrors.

mirrors

↓

- No.

↓

See, that doesn't work.

↓

- I've checked every frame of footage twice.

checked footage frame twice

↓

This is the closest thing we have

closest

↓

to a clean shot of a mirror.

clean mirror shot

↓

- I can still see Sam in it.

↓

- You know, uh, in the end, what you're gonna want to do

↓

is digitalize it.

↓

- That's not a real thing.

real

↓

- You keep saying that.

↓

- Well, we have a lot of work to do,

↓

and we are fresh out of tomorrows,

fresh tomorrows

↓

so we're gonna have to work late tonight.

late late-tonight tonight

↓

Actually, I--

↓

I think I'm just gonna go home.

home

↓

I'm--yeah, I'm not feeling too hot, so...

feeling

↓

- How many hot dogs you have for lunch?

dogs lunch

↓

- Three. - Well, there's your problem.

problem three

↓

You're starving.

starving

↓

Your body's literally eating itself.

bodys eating

↓

Let me see if I have any emergency dogs in my desk.

desk dogs emergency

↓

I bet I do.

↓

That's okay. I'll just see you tomorrow.

tomorrow

↓

- Yeah, sure.

↓

- All right, feel better. - Thanks, pal.

thanks

↓

- I love you and I trust you.

love trust

↓

Sam.

↓

- I hate it when it's just the two of us.

hate

↓

- Not as fun.

fun

↓

- Yeah, well, your breath stinks.

breath stinks

↓

Why don't you try flipping that?

flipping

↓

Flip the front and the back.

flip front

↓

*

↓

- Spirit Airlines: dying while flying.

airlines dying flying spirit

↓

- Night, Ned.

night

↓

- Night, Tim.

night

↓

- * Oh, try

↓

* Oh, try me and see

↓

* If you don't believe

believe

↓

* All you have to do is just try me *

↓

- Whoo!

whoo

↓

- DTC.

↓

Sam Duvet!

duvet

↓

*

↓

- This is so much fun.

fun

↓

When do we stop? Soon?

↓

You're so funny.

funny

↓

We just got started.

started

↓

We've got another two hours!

another hours

↓

- Oh, no.

↓

*

↓

- I'm...

↓

mad!

↓

- Bologna: because it's all the meats.

meats

↓

Yeah, don't hold the door.

door

↓

- Morning, Sheila.

morning morning-sheila sheila

↓

- Good morning, Sam.

morning

↓

*

↓

- Oh!

↓

Well, there he is.

↓

The man of the hour.

hour

↓

- Good news, buddy.

buddy news

↓

I was, uh, talking to Abigail,

abigail

↓

and she said that the DTC--

↓

Can, uh, actually help us

↓

with the mirror commercial.

commercial mirror

↓

Yeah. Mm, mm.

↓

Uh, she said that they could, uh, digitalize it.

↓

- Huh. No shit.

↓

I knew that was a thing.

↓

DTC to the rescue again.

rescue

↓

- They should start wearing capes to work.

capes start wearing

↓

Capes.

capes

↓

Capes.

capes

↓

That's funny.

funny

↓

Yeah.

↓

- Yeah, we're doing it.

↓

- Oh, Sam.

↓

I was just so gutted yesterday

yesterday

↓

that you felt down

↓

because we'd been working so hard,

hard working

↓

so I went ahead and rented us

ahead rented

↓

one of those supes fun pedal pubs.

fun pedal supes

↓

- No.

↓

You're good to ride?

ride

↓

Not sore for some reason?

reason sore

↓

- Nope.

nope

↓

- Great.

↓

I'm just glad to have my buddy back.

buddy glad

↓

- So let's get up and get out there.

↓

Come on, my friend. - Yeah, all right.

friend

↓

Yeah. - Let's hit the road.

road

↓

- I'm gonna hit the road. I'm so happy about it,

happy road

↓

I'm gonna just kind of laugh on my way up.

laugh

↓

*

↓

- It sure is.

↓

- And it's even more fun

fun

↓

that we're doing it for the first time together.

↓

- Sure is, pal.

↓

You seem a little tired, old friend.

friend tired

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- I don't feel tired.

tired

↓

You want to talk about tired?

tired

↓

Sheila's barely even pedaling.

barely

↓

- That just means more exercise

exercise

↓

for the two of us, old pal.

↓

- Right, old buddy.

buddy

↓

I mean, we could stop at any time.

↓

You do hate exercise.

exercise hate

↓

- You know, I used to hate exercise,

exercise hate used

↓

and then all of a sudden, as if by magic,

magic sudden

↓

I decided to love it

decided love

↓

without telling my best friend.

best best-friend friend telling

↓

- To a bar that doesn't move.

↓

- And then there were two.

↓

- Then there were.

↓

*

↓

- You were feeling sick last night.

feeling feeling-sick night sick

↓

How'd you recover so quick?

howd quick recover

↓

- I just went right home and went straight to bed.

home straight

↓

- I saw you!

↓

You were on the bike pub with DTC!

bike

↓

- Fine, I lied!

lied

↓

And you know what? They're not that bad.

↓

They're just pretending to be from Detroit.

detroit pretending

↓

They're not going anywhere.

↓

They're here now.

↓

It doesn't matter.

matter

↓

- Then why did you lie to me about it?

↓

- Because, Tim, sometimes

sometimes

↓

you always get mad about everything.

↓

- No, I don't!

↓

- What would you have said if I told you I wanted

wanted

↓

to cut out of work early to go ride pedal pubs

early pedal ride

↓

'cause I liked some girl?

girl liked

↓

- I'd have choked you out!

choked

↓

- I'd have blocked you!

blocked

↓

- Yeah, Abigail.

abigail

↓

- Why didn't you just tell me this before?

↓

- Why couldn't you have said all this back at the office?

office

↓

- 'Cause this honestly looked fun to me.

fun looked

↓

I didn't know you would have to pedal.

pedal

↓

- I know. Who wants to pedal a bike

bike pedal wants

↓

while you slug these bad boys?

boys slug

↓

- I really just want to sit back and slug beers.

beers slug

↓

That's all I want to--

↓

and we're getting on the highway.

highway

↓

- Oh, crap!

↓

- We're gonna die!

↓

- Yeah, back at ya!

↓

- Hey, Lindsay, this is Tim.

lindsay

↓

Did you get a chance to see the commercial?

chance commercial

↓

- I loved it.

loved

↓

The mirrors were gorgeous.

gorgeous mirrors

↓

- Hey, Lindsay, this is Tim.

lindsay

↓

Glad you liked how gorgeous they were.

glad gorgeous liked

↓

How'd you make 'em so gorgeous?

gorgeous howd

↓

- Ah, Lindsay, this is Sam.

lindsay

↓

I can speak to that.

speak

↓

We had a tech company digitalize it.

company tech tech-company

↓

- It's brilliant. Go ahead and run it.

ahead brilliant go-ahead

↓

Guys?

↓

Are you guys there?

↓

Tim?

↓

Sam?

↓

- Linds, this is Tim.

↓

Will do.

↓

Till next time. Bye-bye.

till

↓

- Boom. Ba-da bing, ba-da boom.

bing boom

↓

It's easy peasy.

easy easy-peasy peasy

↓

You and me, forget about it.

forget

↓

Everybody knows.

everybody everybody-knows knows

↓

Whew.

whew

↓

Oh, Christ!

christ

↓

- Oh, yeah.

↓

My legs.

legs

↓

- There you go. Back in, back in.

↓

- Oh. - Put your little legs up.

legs

↓

- Yeah. Hey.

↓

- Sorry I made you do back-to-back pedal pubs.

pedal

↓

- Sorry I brilliantly deceived you

brilliantly deceived

↓

and, uh, so I could do the first one.

↓

- Yeah, no worries.

worries

↓

It's actually pretty fun to do it.

fun

↓

- Yeah, it actually is really fun.

fun

↓

I had a great time.

↓

- I would honestly

↓

take out the drinking.

drinking

↓

- I was thinking the exact same thing.

exact thinking

↓

- I don't even-- - Oh, frick!

frick

↓

Oh, Christ! - Come on.

christ

↓

- Hey, Tim, Sam.

↓

- Hey.

↓

I just wanted to thank you guys

wanted

↓

for helping us out on our commercial.

commercial helping

↓

- No problem.

problem

↓

Always have time to help a fellow Detroiter.

fellow

↓

- Hey, uh, tonight we're going "fowling,"

tonight

↓

which is like a-- it's like football and bowling,

bowling football

↓

kind of like-- - That sounds really fun.

fun sounds

↓

My boyfriend would love that.

boyfriend love

↓

- Nope, we can't.

nope

↓

We got to work, so...

↓

- You just invited us.

invited

↓

- That's not how I remember it.

remember

↓

You can come if you'd like, though.

↓

both: Why are we stopping?

stopping

↓

*

↓

They're actually from Seattle.

seattle

↓

- Hey, Toby.

toby

↓

It's good for the city.

city

↓

*

↓

So what's your name?

name

↓

- Fat mirrors,

mirrors

↓

thin mirrors,

mirrors thin

↓

glass mirrors,

glass mirrors

↓

itty-bitty cat mirrors,

bitty mirrors

↓

weird mirrors.

mirrors weird

↓

Please come and take a look at our mirrors

mirrors

↓

and yourself in one of our mirrors.

mirrors