Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S14E04 — The Gang Chokes

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 14, Episode 4 — The Gang Chokes

_

#1

⇓

Uh, guys, I-I'd like to raise a glass to Frank.

#2

⇓

Frank, another year has gone by since you came into my life.

#3

⇓

I don't see any blue on this menu.

#4

⇓

- Well, hang on. Don't interrupt. - Why do you want to eat blue?

#5

⇓

- The best foods are blue. - Charlie,

#6

⇓

let's just order, shall we?

#7

⇓

Now, Dennis, what will I be having this evening?

#8

⇓

- Oh, come on. - Well, I don't want to just order, okay?

#9

⇓

I'm trying to say some nice words here, okay?

#10

⇓

- About what? - About you, man.

#11

⇓

Oh, God. You people.

#12

⇓

Ugh, this guy again.

#13

⇓

Come on, man. What are you doing here? This isn't Guigino's.

#14

⇓

Yeah, I thought you moved.

#15

⇓

I moved back. So... Wait, you guys remember me?

#16

⇓

Uh, yeah, you're everywhere.

#17

⇓

Yeah. We can't get away from you.

#18

⇓

You know what? Doesn't matter.

#19

⇓

What's in them little bowls? Blue, I hope.

#20

⇓

I... Bl...

#21

⇓

No, i-it's amuse-bouche for the table.

#22

⇓

- What is it? - We didn't order yet, pal.

#23

⇓

Again, Dennis, what am I having?

#24

⇓

- Stop asking me that. - I'm not paying for those, pal.

#25

⇓

They're compliments from the chef.

#26

⇓

We don't want compliments, we want food.

#27

⇓

If I wanted a compliment, I'd walk into a bar.

#28

⇓

Oh, Dee. God.

#29

⇓

- Dee, shut up. - Yeah, Dennis, do you want me

#30

⇓

to throw my glass of water in her face?

#31

⇓

Well, don't ask. Just do.

#32

⇓

Well, h-hang on a second, dude. You don't chew no good anymore.

#33

⇓

- You want me to chew that up for you? - I don't want that.

#34

⇓

Well, you haven't had your teeth sharpened in a bit.

#35

⇓

- I better chew it. - He gets his teeth sharpened?

#36

⇓

Not as often as he should. No. Uh...

#37

⇓

What's this?

#38

⇓

I think he's choking.

#39

⇓

- Oh, shit. - Yeah, he can't get air.

#40

⇓

Yeah.

#41

⇓

Hmm.

#42

⇓

Okay, folks, we have a few specials tonight.

#43

⇓

Oh, my God!

#44

⇓

_

#45

⇓

- That's it! Yeah, I'm absolutely having a fit! - All night long?

#46

⇓

- Look, I-I'm sorry, okay? - I'm having a fit. That's right.

#47

⇓

I don't know what happened. I froze up, all right?

#48

⇓

- Oh, yeah. You froze up. - May-Maybe I thought

#49

⇓

- that's how you wanted to go out, Frank. - Oh, yeah.

#50

⇓

That's how I wanted to go? Me?

#51

⇓

I don't know! I don't know how you want to die.

#52

⇓

You only ever talk about how you don't want to die,

#53

⇓

like in a hospital bed or getting spit-roasted

#54

⇓

- by two Latin King gang members in prison. - Yeah.

#55

⇓

Okay, look, at least here,

#56

⇓

you're in a fancy restaurant, right?

#57

⇓

- You're surrounded by your friends. - Oh, my friends.

#58

⇓

Who are watching me choke to death

#59

⇓

- with pleasure in their eyes. - Nobody had pleasure! Okay,

#60

⇓

- maybe I was a little mad at you, all right? - Yeah.

#61

⇓

Y-You didn't let me finish my speech.

#62

⇓

You kept interrupting me about anything that's blue

#63

⇓

- on the menu, right? - Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah.

#64

⇓

You didn't let me chew your food for you. You know, you...

#65

⇓

Oh, well, you're not gonna be able to do that, either.

#66

⇓

No more chewing my food.

#67

⇓

You mash it too thin.

#68

⇓

You take all the flavor out of it.

#69

⇓

- You get all the nutrients. I get all the mush. - You...

#70

⇓

- Do you think I want to chew your food? - Yeah, you...

#71

⇓

Well, you don't have to do that anymore, because I'm going.

#72

⇓

- Where are you gonna go? - I'm going

#73

⇓

- to the one person who actually cares about me. - All right.

#74

⇓

Good. You know what, fine, go.

#75

⇓

Get out of here. I don't care.

#76

⇓

I'll go back to being me. You know, young and cool

#77

⇓

before I started chewing the food of some crazy old man.

#78

⇓

You know, I used to do cool shit, Frank!

#79

⇓

I used to be cool!

#80

⇓

I'm cool.

#81

⇓

That was an interesting evening.

#82

⇓

Yeah. Yeah, it was. Frank was pissed.

#83

⇓

I would've stepped in,

#84

⇓

but, of course, I was taking my cues from you.

#85

⇓

Why?

#86

⇓

Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not.

#87

⇓

But why? I mean, wh...

#88

⇓

why do I still have to tell you what to do?

#89

⇓

Why do I still have to order your dinners for you?

#90

⇓

And why is it up to me to decide

#91

⇓

whether or not you're going to save a man's life?

#92

⇓

You know what the problem is?

#93

⇓

I can't depend on you. I can't depend on anyone.

#94

⇓

You know, I mean, if that had been me choking tonight...

#95

⇓

- no one would've saved me. - No.

#96

⇓

I-I would've saved you, Dennis. I would have saved you.

#97

⇓

- If you told me to. - Oh, Jesus Christ... if I told you to?

#98

⇓

Oh!

#99

⇓

* Pizza man, pizza man *

#100

⇓

* I got pizza here, who wants pizza man? *

#101

⇓

What are you doing here, man? It's, like, after midnight.

#102

⇓

Uh, after midnight? What are you, like, in your 40s?

#103

⇓

- Yeah. As are you. - Yeah.

#104

⇓

- Have a slice. Let's get into it, boys. - No! No.

#105

⇓

Dennis cannot eat cheese, because cheese is poison.

#106

⇓

- No dairy for this guy. - That's actually correct.

#107

⇓

Oh. It's all good, though. I actually ate all the cheese

#108

⇓

on the walk over, so... no cheese!

#109

⇓

Oh! That solves it. Dennis will have

#110

⇓

- the crust and the sauce, then. - No, Mac.

#111

⇓

Not gonna have the crust. Are you insane?

#112

⇓

I mean, you know, carbs aside, it's absolutely teeming

#113

⇓

with gluten.

#114

⇓

I knew that. I just... I forgot.

#115

⇓

- You didn't know that. - I did.

#116

⇓

Don't worry about that, though. It's all good.

#117

⇓

I ate the crust, too.

#118

⇓

Oh, so you came over with a box of tomato sauce?

#119

⇓

Oh, great.

#120

⇓

- Dennis will have the sauce. - Sugar.

#121

⇓

- Sugar. - Uh, no.

#122

⇓

Actually, I slurped that up, too,

#123

⇓

because that was just kind of looking good, so I figured...

#124

⇓

So you ate them all separately... all the elements...

#125

⇓

and then came over with an empty pizza box?

#126

⇓

- This is a nice gesture, you know. - It's not.

#127

⇓

- It's the suggestion of food. - Guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys.

#128

⇓

Oh, my God. You are not going to believe

#129

⇓

- what just happened to me. Okay. - Christ. She's here now.

#130

⇓

- So, I'm wandering around, right, for hours. - Yeah.

#131

⇓

I-I'm just thinking about what happened tonight

#132

⇓

and... with Frank, you know...

#133

⇓

and-and I'm not proud of it, but I, uh...

#134

⇓

Something weird kind of happened to me with that whole thing,

#135

⇓

'cause I... I got a pretty good rush

#136

⇓

from a man almost dying right in front of me.

#137

⇓

I-I liked it, and-and,

#138

⇓

you know, I'm thinking about it so much

#139

⇓

that I sort of space out.

#140

⇓

Long story short,

#141

⇓

I wind up in the middle of the street, okay?

#142

⇓

And an Uber just goes flying by me

#143

⇓

at, like-like, 50. Almost hit me!

#144

⇓

You're so good at telling stories. So concise.

#145

⇓

I wish it did hit you.

#146

⇓

You guys, the rush I got from that...

#147

⇓

- You would not believe it. - Okay, I-I...

#148

⇓

I don't believe it. I don't care about it.

#149

⇓

- I don't care. I don't care. - It blew my mind.

#150

⇓

- Why'd you come over? - No, wait, I-I can't stand this.

#151

⇓

I-I can't do this. I mean, it's in the middle of the night.

#152

⇓

- Yeah, that's right. - Okay? And I'm surrounded by lunatics here.

#153

⇓

We are surrounded by lunatics.

#154

⇓

- You're one of the lunatics! - What?

#155

⇓

Okay, you know what? This is the one thing I've learned tonight.

#156

⇓

- I can't depend on anyone but myself, okay? - What? What?

#157

⇓

So I got to take care of myself. I got to stay healthy.

#158

⇓

You know what? I'm gonna go to bed.

#159

⇓

That's what I should... I'm gonna go to bed.

#160

⇓

Go to bed? What are you, 40?

#161

⇓

We're the same age!

#162

⇓

Uh, Dennis, should I go to bed, too?

#163

⇓

I don't care!

#164

⇓

- He said yes, I think? - Oh, I don't think he gives a shit

#165

⇓

- what you do. - I don't think he cares.

#166

⇓

He cares because we depend on each other,

#167

⇓

so I should probably go to sleep because we depend on each other.

#168

⇓

Tomorrow, I got to wake up and depend on him.

#169

⇓

He's gonna depend on me, so good night, guys.

#170

⇓

Okay, so, what do you want to get into?

#171

⇓

Oh, I kind of wanted to hang out with the guys, so...

#172

⇓

I know. I know. Me, too.

#173

⇓

- But they went to bed, so just you and me. - Mm.

#174

⇓

Yeah, but I-I don't want it to be.

#175

⇓

- You know? - Oh.

#176

⇓

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

#177

⇓

Okay.

#178

⇓

Hey-o! Look who's up. Sleepyhead.

#179

⇓

Here you go. You know you grind your teeth at night?

#180

⇓

What is this?

#181

⇓

What the hell are you doing in my home?

#182

⇓

I'm moving in.

#183

⇓

Hey, you had my back. Now I'm gonna have yours.

#184

⇓

Uh, first thing we got to do

#185

⇓

is beef up the security around here.

#186

⇓

You know how easy it was for me to get in that window?

#187

⇓

Took me all of 30 seconds with this hammer.

#188

⇓

I could have been bashing your face in

#189

⇓

before you knew what hit you,

#190

⇓

which would've been this hammer, which I already had in my hand,

#191

⇓

in case you weren't listening.

#192

⇓

Wh-What's going on?

#193

⇓

It's you and me against the world, kid.

#194

⇓

You got a nice place here.

#195

⇓

Wouldn't be bad to have a roommate.

#196

⇓

Okay, look, I only saved you

#197

⇓

because it's what any decent person would do,

#198

⇓

but I don't need a roommate.

#199

⇓

I already live here with my mother.

#200

⇓

Oh. That old vegetable lady is your mom?

#201

⇓

Nah, you don't have to worry about her.

#202

⇓

I took care of her.

#203

⇓

Took care of her? What do you mean?

#204

⇓

I threw a sheet over her head. She was freaking me out.

#205

⇓

Mom! Oh, my God!

#206

⇓

Are you all right?

#207

⇓

I don't think she can hear you, pal. She's gonzo.

#208

⇓

Why would you want to live with that

#209

⇓

when you can live with me and get a lot of good action?

#210

⇓

Please leave before I call the police.

#211

⇓

Suit yourself.

#212

⇓

- Door or window? - The door is fine.

#213

⇓

It's gonna take me a long time to bash through that door.

#214

⇓

Guys, how long is this gonna take?

#215

⇓

Dennis needs to finish his pre-workout shake, Charlie.

#216

⇓

And I rubbed down his calves,

#217

⇓

and now I have to tape his ankles.

#218

⇓

Yeah, but can we just, like, play already?

#219

⇓

No, we can't just play, Charlie. We can't just play.

#220

⇓

Are you insane?! We can't just play!

#221

⇓

Uh, what's he...? What?

#222

⇓

Look, honestly, Dennis shouldn't even be playing basketball

#223

⇓

- in the first place... - Wrong, Mac.

#224

⇓

Basketball is exactly what I should be doing.

#225

⇓

It's what men like Frank never did,

#226

⇓

and their bodies became soft and feeble and-and round

#227

⇓

and at high risk for injury and disease and choking on things.

#228

⇓

- Well, can we do something? - Yes.

#229

⇓

Let's just... let's begin with a light warm-up of, uh... passing,

#230

⇓

and then after 15 minutes or so of that,

#231

⇓

we'll work our way into a light jog, and then we'll do some layups.

#232

⇓

- Passing. All right. - Too hard. Too fast.

#233

⇓

Still a little bit too hard.

#234

⇓

Simple.

#235

⇓

- Oh. - Ah, damn it.

#236

⇓

Jesus, man. What-what the hell was that? Are you okay?

#237

⇓

Ow. I don't know. My... timing's a little bit off.

#238

⇓

I... might not be feeling too well all of a sudden.

#239

⇓

Wait a second.

#240

⇓

Dennis, I-I feel like there's a little bit of pollen in the air.

#241

⇓

Pollen?!

#242

⇓

You didn't tell me there was to be pollen today.

#243

⇓

I-I can't do pollen. I don't do pollen.

#244

⇓

I know. I didn't know. I mean, maybe,

#245

⇓

on account of the season, I thought maybe...

#246

⇓

- Oh. Oh! - I'm sorry.

#247

⇓

- Come on, Dee. Why are you here? - Hear me out, you guys.

#248

⇓

This whole thing with Frank and the Uber stuff...

#249

⇓

it's got me thinking, you know.

#250

⇓

I feel like the only way to truly live life

#251

⇓

to its fullest is to live it on the edge.

#252

⇓

- On the edge of what? - On the edge of life or death.

#253

⇓

So, I went into the Puerto Rican part of town,

#254

⇓

started making fun of their big fat asses

#255

⇓

and asked them if they were Dominican.

#256

⇓

- What?! - Yeah. - Why-why would you do that?

#257

⇓

Well, to be fair, I did start with some stuff

#258

⇓

that was slightly less offensive, but turns out,

#259

⇓

they're a very lovely community, so I really had to...

#260

⇓

I had to dig deeper.

#261

⇓

Really, really hit 'em where it hurt.

#262

⇓

Anyway, they're on their way.

#263

⇓

They're on their way?!

#264

⇓

Yeah, after what I said, sure, yeah.

#265

⇓

I was like, "Um, you guys, why don't you take a break

#266

⇓

"from your cockfighting and, uh, you know, hop in your rafts

#267

⇓

and come bring it to a real American?"

#268

⇓

And then I was like, "Follow me."

#269

⇓

- That's Mexican! - That's Mexican.

#270

⇓

- What are you doing? - Oh! That did it.

#271

⇓

- Why are you doing this? - It pissed 'em off.

#272

⇓

Because it-it gave me a r...

#273

⇓

a-a thrill like you wouldn't believe.

#274

⇓

Anyway, you guys want in on this with me?

#275

⇓

- No! - No! - What?!

#276

⇓

You-you would put us all at risk

#277

⇓

with your suicidal race-baiting. I... I-I...

#278

⇓

Eh, something's off. I-I got to go home.

#279

⇓

- What? - Oh, Dennis. Dennis, yes.

#280

⇓

- I got to go home. - You're leaving?

#281

⇓

You know what? He-he needs his post-workout shake.

#282

⇓

- You haven't worked out yet. - That's what it is. I need a...

#283

⇓

Yes, we were playing basketball,

#284

⇓

and I've depleted my electrolytes,

#285

⇓

and now I'm Dee-shaming,

#286

⇓

and that's depleted me even more,

#287

⇓

- so, yes. - Oh, come on. - You know what?

#288

⇓

- Uh, let me... let me get you home, Dennis. - I'm wobbly.

#289

⇓

Here. You can count on me, buddy.

#290

⇓

- All right, get me... - You can count on me.

#291

⇓

- Get me home. - He can count on me, guys.

#292

⇓

The hell's wrong with him?

#293

⇓

Uh, pollen, I guess.

#294

⇓

Huh.

#295

⇓

So, uh, you want to take this beating with me?

#296

⇓

No.

#297

⇓

Hey, Mom.

#298

⇓

Sorry I'm late.

#299

⇓

Had to work a double shift.

#300

⇓

Hey-o! All good.

#301

⇓

Made her dinner already. She's eating blue.

#302

⇓

- What is this? - Well, I figure,

#303

⇓

you were at work, and your mom was stuck home alone,

#304

⇓

so I broke in again.

#305

⇓

What did you do to her?

#306

⇓

What? Well, I just spruced her up a little bit.

#307

⇓

- What do you think? - I think she look nuts!

#308

⇓

Okay, you know what? Stop coming here.

#309

⇓

I don't want you here. Stop breaking into my home, okay?

#310

⇓

Whoa. Why are you being such a hard-on about this?

#311

⇓

I'm just trying to help a little bit.

#312

⇓

You know, I did a little homework while you were away.

#313

⇓

You graduated at the top of your class with honors,

#314

⇓

and were enrolled in pilot school.

#315

⇓

But then, your mommy got sick,

#316

⇓

and you had to take other jobs and make ends meet.

#317

⇓

I mean, it must've been really hard being up there,

#318

⇓

slinging V8 Juice

#319

⇓

when you should've been captain of the ship.

#320

⇓

What is this?

#321

⇓

Somebody enrolled somebody back into pilot school.

#322

⇓

So, what do you say we quit that dead-end job you're in

#323

⇓

and put your mommy in a real nice home?

#324

⇓

Something with 24-hour care, on me.

#325

⇓

And not one of them bang 'em and bin 'em joints.

#326

⇓

Something really nice.

#327

⇓

Would be nice to go back to pilot school.

#328

⇓

Yeah. Yeah.

#329

⇓

Oh, let me give you some more.

#330

⇓

Yeah. Here you go. Here you go.

#331

⇓

Yeah. Blue has the most antioxygens.

#332

⇓

Ugh.

#333

⇓

Christ. I feel like I'm dying.

#334

⇓

Just let me help you, Dennis.

#335

⇓

Here, have another health shake.

#336

⇓

No. I don't want another one of your stupid shakes, Mac.

#337

⇓

All right? And for the last time,

#338

⇓

please just leave me alone.

#339

⇓

Just...

#340

⇓

- What are you doing? - I want to throw this shake

#341

⇓

in your stupid face, but I'm struggling.

#342

⇓

Charlie, will you please throw this shake in Mac's face for me?

#343

⇓

- Me? - Yes.

#344

⇓

- Oh. - Dennis, do you want me to throw it into my own face?

#345

⇓

That would ruin the effect.

#346

⇓

Right. Charlie, throw this in my face.

#347

⇓

Well, don't tell him to throw it in your face,

#348

⇓

because now I feel like you want it.

#349

⇓

Uh, what if I throw it in my face?

#350

⇓

- I don't want it. - No, you're not following.

#351

⇓

He wants you to throw that in my face,

#352

⇓

and he wants me to not want it.

#353

⇓

- I don't want it, right, Dennis? - You've both ruined the moment.

#354

⇓

You've misunderstood what I'm going for,

#355

⇓

and I'm just gonna go lie down on my bed. I feel so awful.

#356

⇓

- Yeah. I'll carry you, because I... - No, no, no. You're not gonna...

#357

⇓

No. You dropped me twice last time.

#358

⇓

You bumbling idiot. You're probably also covered in pollen,

#359

⇓

which is making me feel horrible.

#360

⇓

A pollen-covered man offering to carry a-a perfectly well man.

#361

⇓

It's insane.

#362

⇓

- Hey, uh, can I have your...? - I'm sorry.

#363

⇓

You mind if I have his shake, then,

#364

⇓

- if he's not gonna have it? - Huh?

#365

⇓

- Can I have this? - No, that's, uh...

#366

⇓

That's his shake, so... you can't have it. Just...

#367

⇓

Yeah, but... I-I want it, and he said he didn't want it.

#368

⇓

Yeah, yeah, but he might want it later, so...

#369

⇓

Yeah, yeah, but I kind of want it now,

#370

⇓

so I'd like to have the shake, then.

#371

⇓

Yeah, but it's not really for you.

#372

⇓

Yeah, but I want it, and he's not having it,

#373

⇓

so I don't really see any reason why...

#374

⇓

- You can't have it, Charlie! - Yeah! I will drink it!

#375

⇓

What is this?

#376

⇓

It's a... protein shake.

#377

⇓

It's just a health shake for Dennis.

#378

⇓

Yeah, but it tastes like pizza.

#379

⇓

Oh, really? Nah, it's...

#380

⇓

You know what? There's a lot of different flavors.

#381

⇓

That's probably, like, the pizza-flavored one.

#382

⇓

And soda.

#383

⇓

Wha... Are you feeding Dennis

#384

⇓

blended-up pizza and soda shakes?

#385

⇓

Shh. Yes. Uh, I...

#386

⇓

- Why? Why are you doing that? - Because I'm...

#387

⇓

I'm poisoning him, all right? Just...

#388

⇓

- What?! - A little bit.

#389

⇓

Look, uh, all the gluten and the sugar and the dairy,

#390

⇓

uh, just wreaks havoc on his system, you know?

#391

⇓

- Oh. - And it makes him so weak.

#392

⇓

And then he's gonna depend on me to take care of him,

#393

⇓

to bring him back from the brink of death.

#394

⇓

- Why are you doing that? - You know what I'm saying?

#395

⇓

- Well, because I want him to depend on me, Charlie. - Oh.

#396

⇓

Nah! That's gonna take

#397

⇓

- way too long. - Whoa.

#398

⇓

Dee, did you just scale up the side

#399

⇓

- of the building? - Yeah.

#400

⇓

Free soloed it.

#401

⇓

Sucked though. Didn't feel a thing.

#402

⇓

Look, Mac, Munchausen by proxy, that's cute and everything.

#403

⇓

But if you want Dennis to really depend on you,

#404

⇓

you're gonna have to save his life... for real.

#405

⇓

Oh.

#406

⇓

And I'm gonna help you.

#407

⇓

Aw...

#408

⇓

Don't. Just don't.

#409

⇓

- Hey! You're just in time for a blue feast. - Hey.

#410

⇓

- Mm. - Did you have a good sleep?

#411

⇓

Yeah. To be honest,

#412

⇓

I had the best night's sleep of my life.

#413

⇓

- Oh. - Yeah.

#414

⇓

I feel kind of guilty saying this, but, uh,

#415

⇓

since you found a home for my mom,

#416

⇓

I feel like this-this huge weight

#417

⇓

- has been lifted off of me. - Ah.

#418

⇓

- Great! Let's eat. - Yeah.

#419

⇓

- Come on. Okay. All right. - Okay. Great.

#420

⇓

- See what we got here. - Mm-hmm.

#421

⇓

Uh...

#422

⇓

Yeah, I don't know if I want to eat that.

#423

⇓

Oh. Oh, okay.

#424

⇓

Well, I just worked on it a long time.

#425

⇓

Well, three of the things are still in plastic packaging.

#426

⇓

All right. Well, how 'bout if you just make a speech?

#427

⇓

- A what? - A speech. You know,

#428

⇓

something to honor our new relationship.

#429

⇓

Uh, do I have to?

#430

⇓

Yes.

#431

⇓

Oh.

#432

⇓

Okay. Well, uh...

#433

⇓

this is exciting.

#434

⇓

Good start.

#435

⇓

Uh, I'm excited to get back in the simulator,

#436

⇓

log some more hours.

#437

⇓

Oh, good, good.

#438

⇓

Well, but don't just make the speech about you.

#439

⇓

- Oh. - Put me in there a little bit, too.

#440

⇓

Oh. Okay. Uh...

#441

⇓

Uh, thanks for sticking my mom in that home.

#442

⇓

- Never could've done it myself. - Yeah. Mm, mm.

#443

⇓

She always said it's the last thing she ever wanted, so...

#444

⇓

- So, thank you. - What?

#445

⇓

- Thank you. - Wait, your mom said

#446

⇓

that's the last thing she wanted,

#447

⇓

- was to be in a home? - Yeah, yeah.

#448

⇓

She said it all the time.

#449

⇓

So, when you saw her in there, why'd you let her stay?

#450

⇓

Well, I didn't see her. You took her.

#451

⇓

You mean you didn't have the decency to go?

#452

⇓

You told me not to, to avoid the emotion of it all.

#453

⇓

Well, I told you not to because I was sticking her

#454

⇓

in a bang 'em and bin 'em joint.

#455

⇓

- What? - They're much cheaper!

#456

⇓

I'm starting to think I had you pegged all wrong.

#457

⇓

I'm sorry, can we go back to the "bang 'em and bin 'em" thing?

#458

⇓

To think I trusted my life with you, when you would treat

#459

⇓

your mother like that.

#460

⇓

I bet you'd let me get spit-roasted by Latin Kings

#461

⇓

just like that, wouldn't you?

#462

⇓

I'm sorry, I can't follow this conversation.

#463

⇓

- Where is my mother? - And if you think

#464

⇓

I'm paying the 40 grand you owe that flight school,

#465

⇓

you got another thing coming!

#466

⇓

- I owe them? I can't afford that. - Yes!

#467

⇓

Well, then you probably can't afford the bin 'em joint,

#468

⇓

'cause that shit ain't free, bozo!

#469

⇓

- Where are you going? - I'm out of here! Have a nice life!

#470

⇓

And... kiss my ass, dirtbag.

#471

⇓

I can't afford any of this!

#472

⇓

Okay.

#473

⇓

This powder is a major histamine toxin.

#474

⇓

The second Dennis drinks it,

#475

⇓

his throat's just gonna start to seize right up.

#476

⇓

After a few minutes, Mac, you jab him

#477

⇓

with that EpiPen... you save his life.

#478

⇓

- After a few minutes? - Yeah.

#479

⇓

15, 20 tops. Just until he flatlines. Then you bring him back.

#480

⇓

- Uh, no, Dee, we're not gonna do that. - Wait, what?

#481

⇓

You're not gonna poison him?

#482

⇓

You don't think Dennis is gonna see

#483

⇓

right through this silly ruse?

#484

⇓

- All right. - Yeah. Now, Frank, on the other hand...

#485

⇓

- Yeah. Now, Frank's not gonna see through it. - No.

#486

⇓

So-so that's why we invited Frank.

#487

⇓

Because Charlie and I can jump to action and save Frank's life.

#488

⇓

- Together. - Now... Yeah. Now, of course,

#489

⇓

Dennis will see through that ruse as well,

#490

⇓

but he'll be very impressed

#491

⇓

with how far I'm willing to go to prove my worth to him.

#492

⇓

- Then Dennis will love me. - Frank's not gonna

#493

⇓

read into any of this.

#494

⇓

He's just gonna be happy that I saved him.

#495

⇓

Listen, consider the flatline though, okay?

#496

⇓

'Cause I really got to know what people see on the other side.

#497

⇓

- Yeah. They're coming. Shut up. Shut up. - Shut up, Dee. Dee.

#498

⇓

- Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. - Frank! Dennis!

#499

⇓

Here, uh, come-come on. Have a seat.

#500

⇓

Thanks for joining us, guys.

#501

⇓

Uh, Frank, I, uh... I picked up your hair for you, so...

#502

⇓

Dennis, you're looking better.

#503

⇓

I'm feeling better, Mac, no thanks to you.

#504

⇓

Okay, guys, I'd-I'd like to make a quick toast,

#505

⇓

if I could, before we begin.

#506

⇓

Oh, my God! Why?

#507

⇓

Why are you people all here?

#508

⇓

Hey, man, don't interrupt, okay?

#509

⇓

We're not ready to order. Go.

#510

⇓

Well, I couldn't take your order if I wanted to,

#511

⇓

because I'm just here to beg for my job back,

#512

⇓

thanks to this guy.

#513

⇓

Do I know you?

#514

⇓

- Unbelievable. - I don't know what's going on here.

#515

⇓

- Can I get a whiskey, pal? - Can I have one as well?

#516

⇓

Okay, guys, uh, before we begin,

#517

⇓

I-I'd like to make a-a quick speech.

#518

⇓

Frank... look,

#519

⇓

we all understand why you were mad at us.

#520

⇓

You have every right to be. But I'd like to make a peace offering.

#521

⇓

I sharpened my teeth, FYI.

#522

⇓

That's good. Wish you'd let me do it, but...

#523

⇓

- Please don't interrupt. I... - Charlie, would...

#524

⇓

- could you get to the... - Yeah, okay. Uh...

#525

⇓

Over here is the peace offering.

#526

⇓

Oh. Whoa. Is that a... is that a shake?

#527

⇓

Yeah. Can you guys just not interrupt me though?

#528

⇓

- Can I have that, please? - No.

#529

⇓

- It's not for you. - Uh... - No. Yeah, no, no.

#530

⇓

Because th-that's blue, and you don't like blue, Dennis.

#531

⇓

Uh, well, I would very much like to have it,

#532

⇓

because I do feel like the shakes are finally kicking in

#533

⇓

and that's why I'm feeling a little bit better, so...

#534

⇓

- Oh. - Yeah.

#535

⇓

Well, no, it's not for him, okay?

#536

⇓

- It's for Frank. - I'm not interested.

#537

⇓

He doesn't want it, so I would like to have it, please.

#538

⇓

Absolutely not. I forbid it.

#539

⇓

Stop trying to prove yourself to me in all the wrong ways, Mac.

#540

⇓

Yeah, look, Frank, just drink the shake, okay?

#541

⇓

You have to have it.

#542

⇓

- He doesn't want it! - Somebody drink it!

#543

⇓

Give it to Dennis, for crying out loud.

#544

⇓

- Give it to me! - No! Absolutely not!

#545

⇓

Why not, goddamn it?

#546

⇓

- Because it's poisoned! - Oh!

#547

⇓

- Uh, what? - I had to tell him!

#548

⇓

- He was gonna... - Oh, come on!

#549

⇓

- It was gonna be his blood and... - There's poison in it.

#550

⇓

- We poisoned it. - Excuse me?

#551

⇓

- It has a little bit of poison in it. - It has poison in it.

#552

⇓

- Poison in it. - It's got... It's poisoned.

#553

⇓

You were gonna poison me, Charlie?

#554

⇓

- Yeah. - Yeah. And I was as well.

#555

⇓

It's just... But I was gonna save you, dude.

#556

⇓

Me, too.

#557

⇓

- Like, right afterward. - Immediately.

#558

⇓

I should've done that in the first place, man.

#559

⇓

- Me, too. - Shut up, Mac!

#560

⇓

You're stepping on my...

#561

⇓

Look, Frank, I'm sorry, dude.

#562

⇓

I screwed up, man.

#563

⇓

I should've saved you,

#564

⇓

and I'll always save you from now on, I promise.

#565

⇓

Thanks, Charlie.

#566

⇓

I knew you had my back.

#567

⇓

And I had your back, too, with the plan.

#568

⇓

I was gonna...

#569

⇓

- do the plan... - Yeah, Mac glommed on

#570

⇓

- to my thing and... - Yeah, and save Frank.

#571

⇓

- Yeah. - And then you were gonna be impressed by that

#572

⇓

- and see that you need me as well. - Oh.

#573

⇓

Okay. I think I understand.

#574

⇓

So you were still gonna rely on a decision

#575

⇓

that somebody else made, only, this time,

#576

⇓

you were potentially gonna kill a man?

#577

⇓

Are you not pleased?

#578

⇓

- No. - Holy shit. I think Dee drank the shake.

#579

⇓

Dee, did you... Dee?

#580

⇓

- Oh! - Holy shit. - Oh, Dee!

#581

⇓

- That's okay. I have this. - Uh, okay.

#582

⇓

- Hit her with it, man. - All right, go.

#583

⇓

- No. - I'm telling you to do it.

#584

⇓

I don't need you to tell me what to do, Dennis.

#585

⇓

I'm going to make my own decision.

#586

⇓

Oh, Mac, now is not the time for this...

#587

⇓

Charlie, shut up! I'm done with your plans.

#588

⇓

- She ain't moving, man. - She wanted to see the other side,

#589

⇓

and I want Dennis to see that I can make my own decision.

#590

⇓

Oh, my God! What is wrong with you people?!

#591

⇓

Okay. Uh... Ah.

#592

⇓

I saw it! I saw the other side. I didn't like it.

#593

⇓

I hated it. It was just blackness.

#594

⇓

There's nothing there. It's just dark.

#595

⇓

That's it. Just lights out. I don't want to do that anymore.

#596

⇓

I don't want to live on the edge. I don't want to die. Thank you.

#597

⇓

Thank you so much, whoever you are.

#598

⇓

Hey, dude, can we get some,

#599

⇓

- like, bread sticks and menus and, you know... - Yeah.

#600

⇓

- I mean, we've been here a while. - Dinner and a show.

#601

⇓

- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com

#602

⇓