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Home » Shrek » S01E01 — Shrek

Shrek

Season 1, Episode 1 — Shrek

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but I bet you are not never seen a donkey fly.
donkeyseen
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Ha, ha!
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Uh-oh.
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Seize him!
seize
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After him! He's getting away!
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Get him! This way! Turn!
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You there. Ogre!
ogre
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Aye?
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By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am
farquaadlordlord-farquaadorder
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authorized to place you both under arrest...
arrestplace
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and transport you to a designated... resettlement facility.
facilitytransport
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Oh, really? You and what army?
army
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Can I say something to you?
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Listen, you was really, really something back there. Incredible!
incredible
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Are you talking to... me? Whoa!
whoa
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Yes, I was talking to you. Can I tell you
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that you was great back there? Those guards!
guards
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They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam!
showed
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They was tripping over themselves like babes in the woods.
babestrippingwoods
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That really made me feel good to see that.
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- Oh, that's great. Really. - Man, it's good to be free.
free
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Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
celebratefreedomfriends
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But, uh, I don't have any friends.
friends
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And I'm not going out there by myself.
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Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
ideaminutestick
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You're a mean, green, fighting machine.
fightinggreenmachine
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Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
anybodyscarespit
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Oh, wow! That was really scary.
scary
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If you don't mind me saying, if that don't work,
mind
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your breath certainly will get the job done,
breathcertainly
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'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!
breathstinks
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You almost burned the hair outta my nose,
burnedhairnoseoutta
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just like the time...
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Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
berriesbuttrottenstrong
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Why are you following me?
following
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I'll tell you why.
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'Cause I'm all alone.
alone
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There's no one here beside me.
beside
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My problems have all gone.
goneproblems
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There's no one to deride me.
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But you gotta have friends...
friends
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Stop singing!
singing
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It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
friendswonder
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Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
friendhonesttruly
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Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
donkey
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Uh...
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- Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre.
ogretall
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You know. Grab your torch and pitchforks.
grabtorch