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South Park

Season 3, Episode 5 — Tweek vs. Craig

TMDB episode metadata
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Oh god... What am I going to do?
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Okay, so, just to set the record straight here,
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the fight will be happening, out by the tetherball pole at 3:30.
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Tweek just weighed in at 48 pounds, Craig at 45.
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Uh, how long do you expect the fight to last?
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How ever long Craig wants it to last.
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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Make no mistake.
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Craig has been ready for this fight since day one.
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He doesn't even view it as a challenge.
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He'll view it as a challenge
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when he's getting his ass kicked!
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Did you hear that-- it sounds like diarrhea
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coming out of someone's mouth or something.
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Shut up, fat ass!
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Don't call me fat you son-of-a-bitch!
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Wow, Tweek and Craig really hate each other, huh?
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This should be a good fight.
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On your first date, look at the man's shoes.
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Sometimes you can tell how much money a man has
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just by his shoes.
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When he takes you out to dinner,
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try to sneak a peek at his wallet while he pays for you.
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If he only has one credit card, beware.
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It means he doesn't spend a lot,
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and worse yet, it could be a debit card.
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If he has more than four credit cards,
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that's a little fishy.
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The perfect number of credit cards
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for a man to have is... two.
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Yes, Bebe.
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What if we meet a guy
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who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer,
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but is still getting his degree?
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Dump that zero and get yourself a hero.
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He could earning that degree all his life
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while you starve to death
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with two dying babies sucking at your teets.
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When I have you guys' ten bucks, I'm gonna use it to buy
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the sweetest big-screen TV in the world.
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That's more than ten bucks,
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you stupid fat ass.
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Well, if I get ten bucks from each of you,
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that's like $2,000.
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Hey, quit screwing around back there!
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You're horsin'!
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Richard...
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Richard...