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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S02E08 — The Gang Runs for Office

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 2, Episode 8 — The Gang Runs for Office

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Gang Runs for Office

Air date: August 03, 2006

Director: Dan Attias

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Driven by Frank's insight into the world of politics, Dennis pursues a political career by running for office.

Source: TMDB

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FRANK (laughing): These things are hilarious.

frank hilarious laughing

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CHARLIE: These are priceless. These are priceless.

charlie priceless

↓

DEE: What are you guys looking at? Uh, Garbage Pail Kids.

garbage garbage-pail kids looking pail

↓

FRANK: Heavin' Steven. Classic.

classic frank steven

↓

Totally classic. I love Heavin' Steven.

classic love steven

↓

Are those those stupid cards

cards stupid

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where babies are doing disgusting things?

babies disgusting

↓

They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things.

amazing babies cards hysterical

↓

You got quite a collection there, buddy.

buddy collection

↓

Yes, I do.

↓

Hey, Charlie, how about givin' me a couple of these?

charlie couple givin

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Uh, no.

↓

I tell you what. I'll buy 'em from you. You got a ton of 'em.

↓

No, no. These are, like, an investment.

investment

↓

This is my future here, okay. So don't mess with them.

future mess

↓

Hey, have you guys seen this?

seen

↓

We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax.

blasted liquor state

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"Blasted in the ass."

blasted

↓

Mac, we have this same conversation every year.

conversation

↓

There's nothing you can do about taxes.

taxes

↓

You guys might want to think about voting every once in a while.

might voting

↓

- What has voting ever done? - Why... Since wh... What has...

voting

↓

- Why are you comin'down... Voting? - Who am I supposed to vote for?

supposed vote voting

↓

Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat

supposed vote

↓

who's gonna blast me in the ass...

blast

↓

or the Republican who's blasting my ass?

blasting republican

↓

Politics is just one big ass blast.

blast politics

↓

It is a coast-to-coast, nationwide ass blast.

blast coast nationwide

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No more! You guys are such morons.

morons

↓

If you knew about politics, you would know that that is not true.

politics

↓

Deandra, it's just some jerk gettin' into office

deandra gettin jerk office

↓

so he can get out for the payday.

↓

Right. The guy's runnin' for office. He's... What? What payday?

office runnin

↓

I see it every year.

↓

Some clown runs for office, drops out of the race

clown drops office race runs

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and gets a big chunk of dough.

chunk dough

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I mean, you have to be a real low-life piece of shit

life piece real

↓

to get involved in politics.

involved politics

↓

Okay. I just got off the phone with the city clerk.

city clerk phone

↓

Turns out there's an election comin' up.

comin election turns

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Local, small-time shit. Anybody can run.

anybody local

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- What's the position? - "South Philly, Zone 2,

philly position south south-philly zone

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"District 37 Comptroller."

comptroller district

↓

- Nice. What's a comptroller? - Who gives a shit, dude?

comptroller gives

↓

We're doin' it for the bribe. I nominate Dennis.

bribe dennis doin

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- I accept your nomination. - Wait a minute.

accept minute nomination

↓

How come he gets to be the candidate?

candidate

↓

Take a look at that hair... Kennedy hair.

hair kennedy

↓

Note the bone structure. It's like a young J.F.K.

bone note structure young

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I got the same bone structure.

bone structure

↓

(hemming and hawing)

↓

What are you making that noise... What is that about?

noise

↓

You got something funky goin' on in the forehead area.

area forehead funky goin

↓

- Five head. - Did you say five head?

five head

↓

I don't have that.

↓

Deandra, a woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus.

calculus deandra donkey politics woman

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Come on. There are plenty of amazing women politicians.

amazing plenty politicians women

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- Name one. - Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.

clinton name senator

↓

- Awful. - How is she awful?

awful

↓

- Hates freedom. - Uh...

freedom hates

↓

Okay, Dennis, you are gonna need a campaign manager. That's me.

campaign campaign-manager dennis manager

↓

- So... - We should put that one to a vote.

vote

↓

'Cause I'd be a good campaign manager.

campaign campaign-manager manager

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It's too late. I already have the clipboard. You can be my assistant.

assistant clipboard late

↓

- Mmm. Assistant is... - Should I wear a blazer for this?

assistant blazer wear

↓

- Yes. - No.

↓

I like what he said.

↓

Charlie? Campaign manager. You don't need a blazer.

blazer campaign campaign-manager charlie manager

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- A blazer's gonna look... - I like where he's goin'.

goin

↓

- What am I gonna do? (sights) - You get to be the intern.

intern sights

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- Yeah, the intern. - What does an intern do?

intern

↓

- Cut limes. - Stock glasses.

glasses limes stock

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- Serve drinks. - No. No. Come on. Damn you!

drinks serve

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- I'm not doing that. - Hold it! Hold it!

↓

If my son is gonna solicit a bribe, he's gonna do it the right way.

bribe solicit

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- I'm gonna be campaign manager. - Like hell you are.

campaign campaign-manager manager

↓

You are way too old. Politics is a young man's game.

game mans politics young

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Mac, I think you might be in over your head here.

head might

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- Over my head? - Yeah. Listen.

head

↓

Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager

campaign campaign-manager everybody favor firing manager

↓

raise their hand.

hand raise

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- For God sakes! - The people have spoken.You're out.

sakes spoken

↓

So that's it? I'm fired? This is bullshit!

bullshit fired

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- That's politics, man. - That's politics? That's politics?

politics

↓

This is wonderful. This is just wonderful. You know what?

↓

I'm walkin' outta here. I don't need this shit.

outta walkin

↓

I'm washin' my hands of the whole situation. Show you, bitches.

bitches hands situation whole whole-situation

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- Can I grab that clipboard? - No. That's mine.

clipboard grab

↓

Dee, check out my blazer.

blazer check

↓

- Yeah. It's too small. - Nah. It's perfect.

perfect

↓

- How's the bar? - Full of hoboes. A lot of hoboes.

full hoboes

↓

- Watch your ears. There you go. - Frank.

ears frank watch

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Frank, I don't think this is the best idea for our candidate's image.

best best-idea candidates frank idea image

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This is a brilliant idea... "hobo-vertising".

brilliant brilliant-idea hobo idea

↓

Come on. It looks good. Beer him.

beer

↓

- We gotta fire Frank. - He's my dad. I don't know.

fire frank

↓

But, Dennis. Dennis. Hobo-vertising?

dennis dennis-dennis hobo

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- That's not you. It's cheap. - Ooh.

cheap

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It's cheap politics. It's not gonna get us that bribe.

bribe cheap politics

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I mean, you need to be out there.

↓

You gotta be shakin' hands. You gotta be kissin' babies.

babies hands shakin

↓

- I don't like babies. - No babies. Don't kiss babies.

babies kiss

↓

Just get out there into the world, and...

world

↓

You gotta let me be your campaign manager.

campaign campaign-manager manager

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I mean, I can really drive this thing in a different direction.

direction drive

↓

I mean, when I look at you, I see success.

success

↓

I see... You're top-notch. You're Goin' all the way with this thing.

goin notch

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- Oh. - Frank's just gettin' in the way.

franks gettin

↓

Give me this chance. Just give it to me.

chance

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I didn't realize I was gonna have to make so many tough decisions.

decisions realize tough tough-decisions

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Take him down.

↓

This is a goddamn coup!

coup goddamn

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Don't take it personally, Dad. That's just politics.

personally politics

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You look like a dick in that tiny jacket.

dick jacket tiny

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- Let's not attack my candidate. - Don't go after the jacket.

attack candidate jacket

↓

- Shut up, Charlie. - The jacket's good.

charlie jackets

↓

I can talk to my son any way I want.

↓

- Give him the clipboard. - No. No.

clipboard

↓

- Clipboard belongs to the manager. - I want that clipboard.

belongs clipboard manager

↓

- Go to hell. - Oh, that was ugly.

ugly

↓

- That was uncalled for. - Mmm.

uncalled

↓

Wow. That was, uh, a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be.

easier

↓

- I can get a clipboard anywhere. - Yeah.

clipboard

↓

- All right. - Don't do that.

↓

- I want you to run for comptroller. - What?

comptroller

↓

I'm gonna be your campaign manager.

campaign campaign-manager manager

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We're gonna stroll right into that comptroller's office

office stroll

↓

and solicit a bribe.

bribe solicit

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- Forget it. I am not helping you. - Deandra, we'll get this bribe...

bribe deandra forget helping

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and we'll shove it right in your brother's face.

brothers face shove

↓

We'll screw those guys.

screw

↓

I would like to shove it in his face.

face shove

↓

Okay.

↓

Okay. Now let's get you ready for the ball, Cinderella.

ball ready

↓

- What are you doing? - The bangs, they... The five head.

bangs five head

↓

Let me get this straight. You want to try and solicit a bribe?

bribe solicit straight

↓

Yes!

↓

You want my union to back your roommate

roommate union

↓

for South Philly District 37 Comptroller?

comptroller district philly south south-philly

↓

- Yes. Correct. - But not to win.

correct

↓

- It sounds illegal. - Aw, for God sakes.

illegal sakes sounds

↓

What is with you two? Come on!

↓

Like, in the movies, union guys are, like, tough and shady and shit.

movies shady tough union

↓

- Sorry to disappoint you. - You're, like, a couple of nerds.

couple disappoint nerds

↓

All right, look. Let me take you bitches to school for a second.

bitches school second

↓

In this country, in the real world, people make money.

country money real real-world world

↓

Somebody is gonna make a ton of money off my roommate.

money roommate somebody

↓

- I want it to be you. - Let me make one thing clear.

clear

↓

We are not a criminal organization.

criminal organization

↓

Why are you talking to me like I'm a jackass? I am not a ja...

jackass

↓

Oh. I see what you're doin'.

doin

↓

(loudly) Okay. Nobody here is a criminal. No, sir.

criminal loudly nobody

↓

(whispers) I think we're speaking the same language.

language speaking whispers

↓

- Are we? - Oh, yeah.

↓

We're being listened to. Bugged. The feds. I get it.

listened

↓

I read. I see movies. I understand. Okay.

movies read

↓

I want you to contact me at Paddy's.

contact paddys

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- I'm gonna get the ball rolling. - Mm-hmm.

ball ball-rolling rolling

↓

It's safe there.

safe

↓

(loudly) Okay, gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out.

gentlemen loudly

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But, uh, I'm gonna go home and pay my taxes.

home taxes

↓

Right?

↓

- You want me to call the cops? - Not yet.

cops

↓

I've got a better idea. Let's screw this son of a bitch.

bitch idea screw

↓

Come on, Morris. We don't have time for this.

morris

↓

He called us nerds, Gary.

called gary nerds

↓

Nerds.

nerds

↓

Are you gonna take care of the crime problem here?

care crime problem

↓

Absolutely. I say we put 'em on busses, ship 'em over to Iraq

absolutely iraq ship

↓

make 'em fight the terrorists. - You're very handsome. (giggles)

fight giggles handsome terrorists

↓

- Thank you. - This is going very well, man.

↓

- People are responding to me. - They love the bone structure.

bone love responding structure

↓

- They like the Kennedy hair. - I've been looking for you guys.

hair kennedy looking

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I've been thinkin', and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys.

asset real thinkin

↓

- I want to help. - What? Wait, wait.

↓

First you wash your hands of politics. Now you want back in.

hands politics wash

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That's called flip-flopping. That's what Democrats do.

called flip

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Hang on a second. Let's give the guy a chance to prove himself.

chance hang prove second

↓

Yeah. Give me a chance. What should I do?

chance

↓

"What should I do?" Strike one, buddy.

buddy strike

↓

You gotta bring something to the table, Mac.

bring table

↓

All right. Ah, check this out.

check

↓

Excuse me. Hi.

excuse

↓

I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.

adorable baby notice

↓

- Oh, thank you.

↓

Yeah, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind

mind wondering

↓

f that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it.

gentleman handsome kissed young

↓

- Excuse me? - Oh. I'm sorry.

excuse

↓

He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.

comptroller cool district running

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- You know, I'd rather not. - It's good for him, and for you.

↓

- You should just give me the baby. (crying) - Please leave me alone.

alone baby crying

↓

Okay, lady.

lady

↓

If you give me the baby, I could get it over with.

baby

↓

- I said no! - Goddamn it! Just give me the baby!

baby goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- Somebody help me! - Lady! Give me the ba...

lady somebody

↓

- This is campaign suicide, dude. - Let's get outta here.

campaign outta suicide

↓

There, there, there.

↓

There, there, there. Take a look.

↓

- Got it on? Sure? - Yeah. Take a look.

↓

- What do you think? - I think I look like a whore.

whore

↓

- I'm trying to make you sexy. - This is not sexy.

sexy

↓

- What is this? What's this? - It's the bed look.

↓

The tossed look. The ruffled look.

tossed

↓

You look like you just... Anyway, we have to convince this guy...

convince

↓

That we're a legitimate threat to his campaign.

campaign legitimate threat

↓

There is nothing more threatening to a man

threatening

↓

than a woman who is smart and attractive.

attractive smart woman

↓

- We have to pretend you're both. - Wow. You're a horrible father.

father horrible pretend

↓

- Let's just go. Let's get it done. - Great. Great.

↓

Now, Daddy hates to say this, but...

daddy hates

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I think we should talk about the breasts.

breasts

↓

"Oh, don't hurt my baby." Like I'm gonna hurt somebody's baby.

baby hurt somebodys

↓

You know what I mean? Goddamn Dennis. Fire me?

dennis fire goddamn

↓

- I'll fire you. - Mac. Get in.

fire

↓

We got a bribe for your roommate's withdrawal from the race.

bribe race roommates withdrawal

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Really? Wow. You nerds work fast. All right. How much did we get?

fast nerds

↓

We don't get any money until you pull your guy from the race.

money pull race

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Oh.

↓

Okay, uh...

↓

That's not gonna be a problem, is it?

problem

↓

- No. That's not gonna be a problem. - Better not be, Mac.

problem

↓

Otherwise, Marvin here is gonna have to take care of you.

care marvin otherwise

↓

Take care of me how?

care

↓

I'll probably stab you in your throat.

stab throat

↓

Jesus Christ! Stab me in my throat?

christ jesus jesus-christ stab throat

↓

- Are you serious? - Pull your guy out, Mac.

pull serious

↓

I'm gonna pull him out. I'm gonna pull him out, Marvin.

marvin pull

↓

Marvin, I'm gonna pull him out. Okay.

marvin pull

↓

Who's the nerd now, bitch? (chuckles)

bitch chuckles nerd

↓

That was fun. I feel like a gangster.

fun gangster

↓

Shut up, Gary.

gary

↓

I'm not dropping out.

dropping

↓

- Bro, you have to drop out. - Why?

drop

↓

I didn't wanna say this before, but you don't have Kennedy hair.

hair kennedy

↓

- All right! Oh, God! - You don't have thejawline.

↓

- How could you say that? - If I hear one more flip-flop...

flip flip-flop flop

↓

I'm gonna throw up in my mouth.

mouth throw

↓

- You ready to do this? - I'm just doing some fine-tuning.

ready tuning

↓

- It looks good. - Just trying to get my tan on.

↓

Let's hurry. The battery on this drains like a tub.

battery drains hurry

↓

What is going on in here? Are those beach towels?

beach towels

↓

We're gonna shoot a commercial,

commercial shoot

↓

getit on public access, get the message out.

access message public public-access

↓

- It's a million-dollar bill pal. - Yeah. A million-dollar bill.

bill dollar dollar-bill million million-dollar

↓

You guys are never gonna get a bribe.

bribe

↓

- It's not about the bribe anymore. - We don't care about that.

anymore bribe care

↓

- I could be a real politician. - He's goin' to the top.

goin real

↓

- Really do some good in here. - Are you listening to yourself?

listening

↓

You've never done any good for anybody ever!

anybody

↓

I do good! I do good!

↓

- You never do anything! Loser! - You're just jealous!

jealous loser

↓

- I'm not jealous! - All right! All right! That's...

jealous

↓

That's no way to run a campaign, boys.

boys campaign

↓

- Let's have the talk outside. - All right. We'll talk outside.

↓

- Yeah, we'll make you happy. - You're droppin' out of that race.

happy race

↓

- We'll work it out. - I'm droppin' out of shit.

↓

- We'll work it out. - We'll work it out. You and me...

↓

- Did you just lock this door? - Yes, I did.

door lock

↓

- You are going to hell, little man! - Mmm, I don't think so.

↓

- That's politics, bitch. - I hate you, Charlie!

bitch charlie hate politics

↓

- You ready? - I'm ready.

ready

↓

Get in front of the flag and the million-dollar bill.

bill dollar dollar-bill flag front million million-dollar

↓

Dude, you and my dad share this futon?

futon share

↓

No.

↓

No, we... No, we got a whole different situation worked out.

situation whole worked

↓

- What's the situation? - It's... I sleep on the... And...

situation sleep

↓

You got the script that I wrote? Grab the script.

grab script wrote

↓

I've been meaning to speak to you about this.

meaning speak

↓

I can't read these words. They're not in the right order.

order read words

↓

- It's good. - I think you might be dyslexic.

dyslexic might

↓

- No, no! Please. Read it. - I think you might be dyslexic.

dyslexic might read

↓

- Read the script. - You want me to read the script?

read script

↓

- Yes. And action. - All right.

action

↓

I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello, fellow American.

american fellow read words wrote

↓

"This you should vote me. I leave power. Good.

power vote

↓

"Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I am hot."

vote

↓

What?

↓

"Taxes. They'll be lower, son.

lower taxes

↓

"The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia.

democratic philadelphia vote

↓

"So do." This doesn't make any sense.

sense

↓

Well, then just say whatever you want.

↓

The battery's dead. It's gone. I gotta charge it up again.

charge dead gone

↓

This one piece is makin'me nervous.

nervous piece

↓

- You need to stop touching me. - This right here.

touching

↓

Please stop touching me. This is really ridiculous.

ridiculous touching

↓

I'm stuffed in here like a jerk.

jerk stuffed

↓

- Deandra, you look sensational. - No, I don't.

deandra

↓

Just remember. Let Daddy do all the talkin'. (door opens)

daddy door door-opens opens remember talkin

↓

Sorry I'm late. (chuckles)

chuckles late

↓

- Jack Stanford. - Frank Reynolds.

frank frank-reynolds jack reynolds stanford

↓

- This here is my daughter, Deandra. - Hi.

daughter deandra

↓

Hi. Well, I never like to keep a beautiful woman waiting.

waiting woman

↓

- Oh. Thanks. - You see, uh, Mr. Stanford...

stanford thanks

↓

I myself am a problem solver

problem

↓

and you got a big problem on your hands.

hands problem

↓

- I'm afraid I'm not following. - Check out the goods to my right.

afraid check following goods

↓

This pretty little lady is not only my daughter.

daughter lady

↓

She happens to be your biggest opponent in the election.

biggest election happens opponent

↓

- Beauty and the beast. (laughs) - You're funny.

beast beauty funny laughs

↓

Let the men do the work here, Dee.

↓

Now we can make this problem go away

problem

↓

before it becomes a more expensive problem...

becomes expensive problem

↓

f you catch my... drift.

catch drift

↓

Are you trying to solicit a bribe from me?

bribe solicit

↓

- I don't know. Am I? - 'Cause if you are...

↓

... not only is that illegal and highly unethical...

highly illegal

↓

... but you're doing it with the subtlety of a baboon.

baboon

↓

- Let me take another approach here. - I tell you what.

another approach

↓

Why don't we discuss this over dinner?

dinner discuss

↓

Dinner. That sounds good.

dinner sounds

↓

- I was talking to her. - Look, Jack,

jack

↓

my little girl don't go nowhere without her old man.

girl

↓

- Isn't that right, sweetie? - You're fired.

fired sweetie

↓

Frank. Frankie, I gotta talk to you.

frank frankie

↓

- Not interested. - Look, I'm in a lot of shit here.

interested

↓

- So? - I need to destroy Dennis.

dennis destroy

↓

What do you have in mind?

mind

↓

When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland

camp counselor dennis dennis-reynolds reynolds

↓

he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper.

camper home rape sent statutory teenage

↓

A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape.

dennis dennis-reynolds rape reynolds underage vote

↓

Dennis Reynolds... baby rapist.

baby dennis dennis-reynolds rapist reynolds

↓

Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.

philadelphia rape

↓

- This is a goddamn smear campaign. - You raped a girl?

campaign girl goddamn raped smear

↓

No, no. Okay. Rape?

rape

↓

I was accused of... Okay, statutory, first of all.

accused statutory

↓

Not... I kissed her. She was a year younger than me.

kissed younger

↓

That's not... even statutory or anything.

statutory

↓

What's the note say?

note

↓

All right. Yeah. All right.

↓

Uh, "Meet"...

meet

↓

Starts out "Meet", and then there's, like, other stuff.

meet starts stuff

↓

"Meet me in the parking garage. Frank."

frank garage meet parking

↓

- Yeah? - Yeah.

↓

You clearly have a learning disability, dude.

learning

↓

- This is a trap. - It's not. Go see what he wants.

trap wants

↓

- It's a trap. - It's not! Make this thing go away.

trap

↓

Okay. I'll get the master.

master

↓

- Did you come alone? - Yeah.

alone

↓

Where'd you get that trench coat?

coat trench trench-coat whered

↓

- It's cool, huh? - It's very cool. Was a smart buy.

cool smart

↓

- All right, you got the tape? - Affirmative.

affirmative tape

↓

Okay, what's this gonna take?

↓

You and Dennis gotta bow out of the race.

dennis race

↓

- Not gonna happen. - Gotta happen.

happen

↓

Not gonna happen. I want that tape.

happen tape

↓

I'm gonna need you to beg.

↓

- Don't make me beg. - You gotta beg.

↓

- Seriously? - Seriously. Down. Down.

↓

All right. I know what you're talkin' about.

talkin

↓

- What do you say? - Please, can I have the tape now?

tape

↓

- No. - God! What's this gonna take?

↓

What the hell is that?

↓

Charlie traded me his whole collection

charlie collection traded whole

↓

of Garbage Pail Kids for the tape.

garbage garbage-pail kids pail tape

↓

Oh, my God. This is bad. This is so bad, man.

↓

These things, Mac... You don't know how rare they are.

rare

↓

These are rare. You can't find these.

rare

↓

Bro, I am in some serious shit. I needed him to drop out.

drop needed serious

↓

I don't care what you need. That is politics, bitch.

bitch care politics

↓

I wanna tell you somethin'.

somethin

↓

- I'm really glad you asked me out. - Me too.

asked glad

↓

- How's that drink comin'? - Strong.

comin drink strong

↓

I should really probably think about gettin' something to eat.

gettin

↓

Yeah. Still got a little left there.

left

↓

Not for long.

↓

Hey, have mine.

↓

Oh. You're such a gentleman.

gentleman

↓

Are you gonna buy me some food at some point? Or...

food point

↓

What do you say we get outta here?

outta

↓

- Oh. - Who's the slut?

slut

↓

- Honey, this isn't what... - Another one of your whores?

another honey whores

↓

Who do you think you are... Bill Clinton? You're a comptroller.

bill clinton comptroller

↓

Did he tell you he had a wife?

wife

↓

- Did he tell you that, you whore? - No.

whore

↓

- Whoa! Whoa! All right. - You bitch!

bitch whoa whoa-whoa

↓

Hey! Pour me a shot there, buddy boy. I got it.

buddy pour shot

↓

- Oh, what'd you get? - I got the smear tape.

smear tape whatd

↓

- Oh, hey, man. That's great. - Yes!

↓

Whoa. Sweet Dee. What the hell's goin' on with you?

goin hells sweet whoa

↓

Screw politicians. Charlie, pour me a shot.

charlie politicians pour screw shot

↓

No time for that. We gotta get back out on that campaign trail.

campaign trail

↓

- What do you say? - I was thinking about that.

thinking

↓

- I don't wanna do that anymore. - What?

anymore

↓

Oh, yeah. I googled "comptroller".

comptroller googled

↓

Turns out that this guy's really just a glorified accountant.

accountant turns

↓

And I hate doing math. It sounds like a ton of work.

hate math sounds

↓

- Do you understand me? I hate work. - No.

hate

↓

These guys, they make less than teachers. It's a...

less teachers

↓

- So what? - So I'm not doing it anymore.

anymore

↓

- No. You have to run. - No, I don't.

↓

Yeah. Yeah, you do.

↓

- No, I don't. - Yeah, you do.

↓

No, I don't. You're not the boss of me.

boss

↓

- I'm the campaign manager. - You're fired. (yells)

campaign campaign-manager fired manager yells

↓

I traded all my Garbage Pail Kids for you.

garbage garbage-pail kids pail traded

↓

Well, that was stupid.

stupid

↓

Bit of an overreaction, don't you think?

↓

You look like a whore.

whore

↓

- Psst. You come alone? - Yeah.

alone psst

↓

Why couldn't we just meet in your apartment?

apartment meet

↓

- It's not safe. - Is that Frank's trench coat?

coat franks safe trench trench-coat

↓

- Yeah. Pretty sweet, right? - Totally sweet.

sweet

↓

Listen. I need your help. I'm in a lot of shit.

↓

- I'm listening. - I need to make Dennis disappear.

dennis disappear listening

↓

Ah! Ah! That's what I'm talkin' about.

talkin

↓

- Really? - I was thinkin' that same thing.

thinkin

↓

- I know you guys have become close. - Not that close.

become close

↓

How do you wanna do this thing?

↓

If we use a gun, we're gonna need a silencer.

↓

- A gun? - Fine. No guns. Piano wire.

guns piano wire

↓

Maybe we can use some piano wire. Look, whatever it is...

piano wire

↓

I gotta be the guy to pull the trigger on this thing.

pull trigger

↓

Retard. I'm talking about taking Dennis to Atlantic City

atlantic atlantic-city city dennis retard

↓

for a couple of days until the election is over.

couple days election

↓

What are you talkin' about?

talkin

↓

Atlantic City. That's good.

atlantic atlantic-city city

↓

Just take him down to the shore for a couple days.

couple couple-days days shore

↓

- I'll take him to Atlantic City. - What's wrong with you?

atlantic atlantic-city city

↓

I give the guy my blood, sweat and tears, right?

blood sweat tears

↓

And my Garbage Pail Kids. And...

garbage garbage-pail kids pail

↓

And he just drops right out of the race on me.

drops race

↓

- Dennis dropped out? - He dropped right out of the race.

dennis dropped race

↓

So I'm out my Garbage Pail Kid... And, like...

garbage garbage-pail pail

↓

If we used piano wire on him... As long as we hurt him a bit...

hurt piano used wire

↓

Sorry, Charlie. Plan's off.

charlie plans

↓

- What are you doin'? - I'm gonna go collect my money.

collect doin money

↓

Looks like you bitches shouldn't have fired me in the first place.

bitches fired place

↓

Are you kiddin' me? Are you kiddin' me with that?

kiddin

↓

I'm gonna buy a car and drive as far away from this goddamn city...

city drive goddamn

↓

Hey, Mac. Where you runnin' to?

runnin

↓

Huh?

↓

Goin' to visit your friend over at the union?

friend goin union visit

↓

What's goin' on? Is there a problem?

goin problem

↓

I don't know. Phil, is there a problem?

phil problem

↓

Conspiracy to solicit a bribe. Racketeering.

bribe conspiracy solicit

↓

I'd say there's a big problem.

problem

↓

Your buddy over at the union came to see us recently.

buddy recently union

↓

Told us about your interest in politics.

interest politics

↓

- He ratted you out, Mac. - Apparently, you called him a nerd.

apparently called nerd ratted

↓

Some people don't take kindly to that type of insult.

insult kindly type

↓

Yeah. You're goin' away for a long time

goin

↓

and prison can be a very unpleasant place

place prison unpleasant

↓

for a good-lookin' young man like yourself.

lookin young

↓

Oh, yeah. They're gonna tear through you like Kleenex.

kleenex tear

↓

That is, of course,

course

↓

unless you got something to make it worth our while.

worth

↓

Are you soliciting a bribe from me?

bribe

↓

Sorry, pal. That's politics.

politics

↓

(both laughing)

laughing