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Home » South Park » S02E16 — Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!

South Park

Season 2, Episode 16 — Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!

Air date: December 09, 1998

Director: Eric Stough

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Kyle, Stan and Kenny accompany Eric and his family to a Christmas celebration with the Cartman family. One of Cartman's relatives breaks out of jail for the reunion, with his cellmate, Charles Manson.

Source: TMDB

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

The answer is no, Stanley.

answer stanley

↓

But Mom, all the guys are going

↓

to Cartman's grandma's for the weekend.

cartmans grandmas weekend

↓

I'm sorry, Stanley,

stanley

↓

I can't let you go all the way to Nebraska

nebraska

↓

by yourself, it's the holidays.

holidays

↓

But all the other guys get to go to Cartman's grandma's.

cartmans grandmas

↓

Why can't I?

↓

I'll leave it up to your father.

father

↓

It's fine with me.

↓

The answer's no, Stanley!

answers stanley

↓

Now go wash up for supper!

supper wash

↓

I don't want your lame-ass supper!

lame supper

↓

You're gonna get it now.

↓

Go to your room, Stanley, right now!

room stanley

↓

You can't tell me what to do.

↓

I'm eight years old.

eight eight-years years

↓

I don't need this stupid family anyway.

family stupid

↓

It's so nice of you to take all the boys with you.

boys

↓

It's my pleasure.

pleasure

↓

Eric loves his little friends.

eric friends loves

↓

Every time I go to my grandma's house

grandmas house

↓

she gives me a present.

gives present

↓

You watch, as soon as I walk in the door

door walk watch

↓

she'll hand me a big present

hand present shell

↓

for no reason except that I'm cool.

cool except reason

↓

That's nice, Cartman.

cartman

↓

Now, remember, if they have leftover turkey,

leftover remember turkey

↓

put some in a bag and bring it home, okay?

bring home

↓

Okay, let's go.

↓

I didn't think you were coming, Stan.

coming stan

↓

Of course I'm coming, come on, let's hurry.

coming course hurry

↓

Good-bye, bubby, be careful.

bubby careful

↓

See you in a couple days, son.

couple couple-days days

↓

Shotgun, it's my car, I called it first, shotgun!

called shotgun

↓

Kenny, I called shotgun.

called kenny shotgun

↓

Dammit, Kenny, get in the back.

dammit kenny

↓

Hey, Kenny, there's a sale on orange jackets over there.

jackets kenny orange sale

↓

Look, Kenny, there's an elephant parade.

elephant kenny parade

↓

Kenny, Kenny, look, look.

kenny

↓

Go get it, go get it!

↓

You poor piece of crap.

piece poor

↓

- So how far is it to Nebraska? - About six hours.

hours nebraska

↓

Oh, my God, what the hell are we gonna do for six hours?

hours

↓

Well, I've got an idea, we could sing.

idea sing

↓

Yeah, or we could not.

↓

Let's sing that one grandma song, Ma, how does that go?

grandma sing song

↓

♪ Over the meadow and through the woods ♪

meadow woods

↓

♪ To grandmother's house we go ♪

grandmothers grandmothers-house house

↓

♪ The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh ♪

carry horse knows sleigh

↓

♪ Through the white and wooly snow, oh ♪

snow white

↓

♪ Over the meadow and through the woods ♪

meadow woods

↓

♪ To grandmother's house we go ♪

grandmothers grandmothers-house house

↓

♪ The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh ♪

carry horse knows sleigh

↓

Please stop. Please stop.

↓

♪ Over the meadow and through the woods ♪

meadow woods

↓

♪ To grandmother's house we go ♪

grandmothers grandmothers-house house

↓

Ooh, careful hon, these roads are bumpy.

bumpy careful roads

↓

- I guess, damn! - Here we go, kids.

kids

↓

We're crossing the state line into Nebraska.

crossing line nebraska state

↓

- This is Nebraska? - What's all that stuff?

nebraska stuff

↓

Wheat, the building block of your favorite foods

block building favorite foods wheat

↓

and Nebraska's principal source of economic productivity.

economic principal source

↓

You see, when Nebraska first became...

became nebraska

↓

- We don't care, Mom. - Hey, look!

care

↓

"See Mr. Hankey at the Mall of Nebraska".

hankey mall nebraska

↓

Wow, we have to go, dude.

↓

I thought Mr. Hankey lived in a sewer.

hankey lived sewer

↓

- What's he doing in Nebraska? - I don't know.

nebraska

↓

Ever since he was in that movie, he got all famous.

famous movie

↓

Oh, so now everybody wants to meet Mr. Hankey.

everybody everybody-wants hankey meet wants

↓

- He's a piece of crap. - It doesn't matter.

matter piece

↓

He'll be most excited to see me.

excited

↓

That shouldn't be a problem.

problem

↓

Eric's grandma's right near the mall.

erics grandmas mall near

↓

Cool!

cool

↓

How much further is it to Grandma's house?

further grandmas house

↓

I wanna see what kind of presents she got me.

presents

↓

About another hour, hon.

another hour

↓

Why does Grandma have to live so far away?

grandma live

↓

Why don't we just stick her in a nursing home

home nursing nursing-home stick

↓

closer to us so I don't have to drive

closer drive

↓

six hours to get a goddamn present?!

goddamn hours present

↓

Now, Eric, let's try to get out of that grumpy mood

eric grumpy mood

↓

before we get to Grandma's.

grandmas

↓

♪ Over the meadow and through the woods ♪

meadow woods

↓

♪ To grandmother's house we go... ♪

grandmothers grandmothers-house house

↓

Oh, God.

↓

- Here we are. - Jesus Christ, finally!

christ finally jesus jesus-christ

↓

Grandma, Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!

grandma

↓

Hey, it's little Eric.

eric

↓

- Hi, Grandpa. - Look how big you've gotten.

gotten grandpa

↓

Hi, Eric. Grandma got you a present.

eric grandma present

↓

Sweet, what is it?

sweet

↓

It's inside.

↓

Yes, move it!

↓

Hello everyone, happy holidays.

happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

- Hello! - These are Eric's friends.

erics friends

↓

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.

kenny kyle stan stan-kyle

↓

Boys, let me introduce you to the Cartman family.

boys cartman family introduce

↓

- This is Uncle Stinky. - Nice to have you here-ah.

stinky uncle

↓

Aunt Lisa, cousin Fred, cousin Alexandra, Fat Bob,

aunt cousin fred lisa

↓

Jimmy, and Great-Grandma Florence.

florence grandma jimmy

↓

Come here, Eric,

eric

↓

give your great-grandma some huggies.

grandma huggies

↓

No, no, Florence, that's not Eric.

eric florence

↓

Oh, which one is he then? - The fat one.

↓

He's not fat, he's big-boned. - I'm not fat, I'm big-boned.

boned

↓

That was totally gross.

gross

↓

She smelled like vitamins and pee.

smelled vitamins

↓

Sick, dude. - Alrighty then.

alrighty sick

↓

Let's get to my present, shall we?

present

↓

Here you go, Eric.

eric

↓

Happy holidays.

happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

Wait a minute,

minute

↓

This isn't a present, it's a shirt!

present shirt

↓

Yes, I thought that would look really good on you.

↓

Are you telling me that I drove nine hours

drove hours nine telling

↓

through butt-fuck nowhere to get a Goddamn shirt?!

butt fuck goddamn shirt

↓

Mom, Grandma's gone senile.

gone grandmas senile

↓

It's time to stick her in a home.

home stick

↓

Well, this is what the holidays are about.

holidays

↓

Family. - Yeah, right.

family

↓

Well, what does your family do for the holidays, Stan?

family holidays stan

↓

My family's dead.

dead familys

↓

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Stanley.

stanley

↓

Dude, your family died? - They're dead to me.

dead died family

↓

My mom doesn't even know I'm here.

↓

What?

↓

I can't believe I got a stupid shirt.

believe shirt stupid

↓

The holidays are bullcrap.

bullcrap holidays

↓

Here, Kyle, will you hold Great-Grandma's

grandmas kyle

↓

catheter bag during dinner?

dinner

↓

What is this?

↓

Great-Grandmother has a bladder problem.

bladder grandmother problem

↓

- This helps her out. - Sick, dude.

helps sick

↓

Eric, did you say hi to your little cousin Elvin?

cousin elvin eric

↓

Hi, cousin Elvin. - Sweet.

cousin elvin sweet

↓

Well, it certainly is nice

certainly

↓

we could all gather here-ah for the holidays.

gather holidays

↓

Even Uncle Howard has joined us

howard joined uncle

↓

live via satellite from the state penitentiary.

live satellite state

↓

Whoa, dude. - You look good, Howard.

howard whoa

↓

No, I don't. - Hi, Howard.

howard

↓

Dude, is he here every year like this?

↓

Yep.

↓

Sweet.

sweet

↓

Come on, let's eat already.

↓

They gave me extra bread and water.

bread extra water

↓

Where's your manners, Howard?

howard manners

↓

We haven't even said grace yet.

grace

↓

Mom, will you do the honors of saying grace?

grace honors

↓

God damn it, why the hell do I always have to say grace?

grace

↓

If one more person asks me to say grace,

asks grace person

↓

I'll be like...

↓

I'm not saying grace!

grace

↓

And if you ask me again,

↓

I'll kick you square in the nuts.

kick nuts square

↓

- Amen. - Amen.

amen amen-amen

↓

Jesus, dude.

jesus

↓

No, Jimmy, this is my pot pie. No, Jimmy, that's a bad Jimmy.

jimmy

↓

Bad Jimmy.

jimmy

↓

No, Jimmy, that's Grandpa's pot pie.

grandpas jimmy

↓

No, Jimmy!

jimmy

↓

Dude, I don't know how long I can stay here.

↓

I know what you mean.

↓

- Ah! - What, dude?

↓

Dude, I was having this horrible nightmare

having horrible nightmare

↓

that we were at this house

house

↓

and it was filled with Cartmans.

cartmans filled

↓

Kyle, we are at a house filled with Cartmans.

cartmans filled house kyle

↓

Oh... ah!

↓

What was that?

↓

I heard it too.

heard

↓

Whatever it is, it's getting closer.

closer

↓

Ow, what the hell was that for?

↓

I wanted to make sure we're not dreaming.

dreaming wanted

↓

- Ow! - I wanted to make sure too.

wanted

↓

Well you're not dreaming. Hey! Cut the crap.

dreaming

↓

Dude, it's coming through the window.

coming window

↓

Ah! - Ah!

↓

Uncle Howard.

howard uncle

↓

Oh, hey Eric, I didn't think anybody would be down here.

anybody eric

↓

Uncle Howard, what are you doing here?

howard uncle

↓

We thought you were in jail. - Yeah, well, I busted out.

busted jail

↓

Wow, cool! - Shhh...

cool shhh

↓

We can't let the rest of the family know I'm here.

family rest

↓

Okay.

↓

If it's okay, we're just gonna hang out here

hang

↓

for a couple days with you kids.

couple couple-days days kids

↓

Who's "we"? You got a turd in your pocket?

pocket turd

↓

Come on up, it's okay.

↓

Another inmate busted out with me.

another busted inmate

↓

Don't worry, he's a good guy.

worry

↓

Oh, hi, boys. I'm Charlie, Charlie Manson!

boys charlie charlie-charlie charlie-manson manson

↓

I can't wait to get out among the pigs

among pigs

↓

and raise some hell.

raise

↓

Alright, Chuck,

alright chuck

↓

but we gotta lay low for a while.

↓

When I stand on the mountain and say do it, it gets done.

mountain stand

↓

And if it don't get done, then I'll move on it.

↓

And that's the last thing in the world you want me to do.

world

↓

Alright Chuck, just watch some TV or something.

alright chuck watch

↓

Now back to...

↓

You can't just buy people, Mr. Potter.

potter

↓

You know what you are? You're a little bitch.

bitch

↓

That's right, you're a bitch,

bitch

↓

and I bet you'd like to suck it, wouldn't you?

suck

↓

Wake up Cartman.

cartman wake

↓

We gotta get to the mall. - What?

mall

↓

We have to go see Mr. Hankey at the mall.

hankey mall

↓

Alright, keep your pants on.

alright pants

↓

Hey, bring us down some food, alright?

alright bring food

↓

Okay.

↓

Come on, D.

↓

Can somebody drive us to the mall?

drive mall somebody

↓

Yeah!

↓

Hello, Mr. Hankey is appearing at the mall.

appearing hankey mall

↓

Can somebody please take us?

somebody

↓

Uncle Stinky, can you drive us to the mall?

drive mall stinky uncle

↓

Not now, Eric. Holding! He held him. Where's the flag?

eric flag held holding

↓

Uncle Stinky, my stupid friends wanna see Mr. Hankey.

friends hankey stinky stupid uncle

↓

You have to take us.

↓

I said no, and I mean no.

↓

Respect my authority.

authority respect

↓

With only 16 seconds left, the Cornhusker--

left seconds

↓

We interrupt this broadcast for a news bulletin.

broadcast bulletin interrupt news

↓

What!

↓

Mass murderer and extremely nasty person

extremely mass murderer nasty person

↓

Charles Manson has escaped from prison.

charles escaped manson prison

↓

Manson was the man responsible

manson responsible

↓

for seven murders in the late '60s.

late murders seven

↓

Manson has never shown any signs of remorse

manson shown signs

↓

for his crime.

crime

↓

If you see Manson, please kick his ass

kick manson

↓

and smash his fucking face in for me.

face fucking fucking-face smash

↓

And then call the police. And now back to the game.

game police

↓

And they've done it!

↓

They've scored 16 unanswered points in 15 seconds.

points scored seconds

↓

Oh, weak!

weak

↓

Eric, I need you to take care

care eric

↓

of your cousin Elvin for a while.

cousin elvin

↓

I don't want to take care of cousin Elvin!

care cousin elvin

↓

Won't you do it for Grandma?

grandma

↓

Alright, give me $10.

alright

↓

Kickass.

kickass

↓

Chuck, can you turn that damn thing down?

chuck

↓

Hello, movie house! Hello, burger parlor!

burger house movie parlor

↓

You know what the spirit of Christmas is?

christmas spirit

↓

It's another lie from the lying pigs

another lying pigs

↓

that consider me the witness--

consider witness

↓

Okay, Chuck, thank you very much.

chuck

↓

- My family sucks ass. - Yeah, they do.

family sucks

↓

All families suck ass.

families suck

↓

Here, we got you some sticky cinnamon buns.

buns cinnamon sticky

↓

- Wow, sweet. - Hey!

sweet

↓

Dude, we have to get to the mall.

mall

↓

You guys, seriously.

↓

What's the matter?

matter

↓

My stupid friends want to go to the mall

friends mall stupid

↓

to visit Mr. Hankey but nobody would drive us.

drive hankey nobody visit

↓

- Oh, bummer. - I'll take you.

bummer

↓

That's okay, Chuck,

chuck

↓

you just keep watching Christmas specials.

christmas specials watching

↓

Hey, I didn't bust out of prison

bust prison

↓

to be locked up in somebody's basement.

basement locked somebodys

↓

I want some action.

action

↓

Good for you, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Come on, I'll hotwire your grandpa's car.

grandpas

↓

Do you really think we should go with this guy?

↓

Stan, don't be such a dumbass. You have to trust people.

dumbass stan trust

↓

Alright boys, keep your heads down.

alright boys heads

↓

We're going to the mall.

mall

↓

Hooray!

hooray

↓

I just can't believe he would go

believe

↓

without our permission.

permission

↓

Now, Sharon, don't overreact.

overreact sharon

↓

Maybe Stan didn't go to Cartman's grandmother's.

cartmans grandmothers stan

↓

Maybe he just ran away or got kidnapped or something.

kidnapped

↓

I hope for his sake you're right.

hope sake

↓

Hello.

↓

Hello, Ms. Cartman, it's Sharon, Stan's mother.

cartman mother sharon stans

↓

Did Stanley go up there to Nebraska with you?

nebraska stanley

↓

Oh, why yes, he did.

↓

I thought you were dead, Sharon.

dead sharon

↓

What?

↓

Stanley told me you had passed on.

passed stanley

↓

I'm glad to see that you're better.

glad

↓

Get the car, Randy, we're going to Nebraska.

nebraska randy

↓

Ooh, Stan's in trouble.

stans trouble

↓

Do you see him?

↓

Not yet, I think we still have a ways to go.

ways

↓

I can't wait to see him. He's gonna be so glad we came.

glad

↓

I drove all the way from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.

drove hankey montana

↓

That's nice, kid.

↓

I knew Mr. Hankey before he was even famous.

famous hankey

↓

How the hell did Mr. Hankey get so popular?

hankey popular

↓

Look at all this Mr. Hankey stuff.

hankey stuff

↓

Mr. Hankey kicks ass.

hankey kicks

↓

And another thing,

another

↓

it says Mr. Hankey is also appearing

appearing hankey

↓

at the Crossroads Mall.

mall

↓

So?

↓

So how could Mr. Hankey be here

hankey

↓

and at another mall at the same time?

another mall

↓

Dude, Mr. Hankey has magic powers.

hankey magic powers

↓

He can do whatever he wants.

wants

↓

How would you like to come with me

↓

to a more secluded part of the mall?

mall part

↓

Okay.

↓

I really like that guy.

↓

Oh, looks like you finished your Fudgsicle, Elvin.

elvin finished

↓

God damn it, be quiet, shut up, Elvin!

elvin quiet

↓

No, Elvin. Bad Elvin.

elvin

↓

Folks need to understand that I am terror.

folks terror

↓

I am fear, I am...

fear

↓

oh, hey look, another holiday special.

another holiday special

↓

And now back to "The Grinchy Poo"!

↓

The Grinchy Poo went up the chimney

chimney

↓

and stuffed the tree up.

stuffed tree

↓

But then he heard a coo like the cry of a dove.

dove heard

↓

It was little Cindy Lou Poo,

cindy

↓

who was no more than two.

↓

Mr. Hankey, why?

hankey

↓

Why are you taking our Christmas tree?

christmas christmas-tree tree

↓

Why?

↓

That old Grinchy Poo thought up a lie,

↓

and he thought it up quick.

quick

↓

Alright boys, you're next.

alright boys

↓

Welcome to Mr. Hankey's Happy Lolly Land.

happy land welcome

↓

Oh boy, here we go.

↓

Howdy-ho, boys.

boys howdy

↓

Mr. Hankey?

hankey

↓

Gosh, you boys smell like flowers.

boys flowers gosh smell

↓

You're not the real Mr. Hankey.

hankey real

↓

Sure I am, howdy-ho.

howdy

↓

You look a lot bigger than the last time we saw you.

bigger

↓

Well, Mr. Hankey has to grow too, you know.

grow hankey

↓

Howdy-ho.

howdy

↓

You boys want your picture with Mr. Hankey?

boys hankey picture

↓

This is not Mr. Hankey, this is a fake!

fake hankey

↓

It's okay kids, I'm real.

kids real

↓

Howdy-ho.

howdy

↓

Howdy-ho!

howdy

↓

Why are you people doing this?

↓

Why would you lie like this? To children?

children

↓

Look kid, there's Mr. Hankeys like me

↓

in every shopping mall.

mall shopping

↓

There is no real Mr. Hankey.

hankey real

↓

What? What did you say?

↓

Oh boy, you've done it now.

↓

Behold, here's your false prophet.

behold false prophet

↓

Boo!

↓

- Ow! - Get him!

↓

Son of a bitch!

bitch

↓

You lied to me, Mother.

lied mother

↓

You said it was the real Mr. Hankey.

hankey real

↓

Well, yes, but...

↓

I will not forget this, Mother.

forget mother

↓

I will not forget this ever.

forget

↓

This is revolution!

revolution

↓

Uh-oh, they're rioting again.

rioting

↓

And all the Poos down in Pooville

poos

↓

joined hands and they sang.

hands joined sang

↓

They sang all the same.

sang

↓

And he himself, the Grinchy Poo,

↓

carved the roast poo.

carved roast

↓

Wow, man, that's beautiful.

↓

He was evil, but now he's good.

evil

↓

What's happening?

↓

Some kid must have said

must

↓

it wasn't the real Mr. Hankey again.

hankey real

↓

Use the tear gas!

tear

↓

I told you guys the holiday season

holiday holiday-season season

↓

is nothing but lies and bullcrap.

bullcrap lies

↓

Well, how was it?

↓

- It was a fake. - Oh, I'm sorry.

fake

↓

Cartman was right,

cartman

↓

the holiday season is for idiots.

holiday holiday-season idiots season

↓

Where did you go, Uncle Charlie?

charlie uncle

↓

I went to a beauty parlor and had my tattoo redone.

beauty parlor tattoo

↓

- Look. - Oh, that's pretty cool.

cool

↓

Hey, where's Kenny?

kenny

↓

Oh, he's around.

↓

Oh, hey Kenny.

kenny

↓

Come on, I'll buy you kids an orange smoothie.

kids orange smoothie

↓

Hey, there he is! That's Charlie Manson!

charlie charlie-manson manson

↓

Run for your lives, boys!

boys lives

↓

Wait... you guys... seriously.

↓

Come back here, God damn it!

↓

Oh, getting away!

↓

Keep your heads down, kids.

heads kids

↓

Hey, what the hell is wrong with you people?

↓

I can't believe they would put a fake Mr. Hankey in the mall.

believe fake hankey mall

↓

If Mr. Hankey ever found out, he'd be so pissed.

found hankey pissed

↓

We interrupt this program

interrupt program

↓

for a breaking news story.

breaking breaking-news news story

↓

A high speed car chase is happening right now

chase speed

↓

on Interstate 3.

interstate

↓

We go now to our live Sky-5 helicopter.

helicopter live

↓

Ron, it looks as though the chase

chase

↓

is proceeding west down the interstate.

interstate west

↓

Oh, that looks a lot like your car, Harold.

↓

We understand that Charles Manson is inside the car

charles manson

↓

with several hostages, all of whom are children.

children hostages several

↓

My God, what is this world coming to?

coming world

↓

Well, we'd like to take a moment to tell you

moment

↓

that this car chase is being brought to you

brought chase

↓

by Snacky S'mores:

smores snacky

↓

the creamy fun of S'mores in a delightful cookie crunch.

cookie creamy crunch delightful fun smores

↓

They're gaining on us.

gaining

↓

Fudgsicle!

↓

Kickass.

kickass

↓

God, I hate the holiday season.

hate holiday holiday-season season

↓

Oh, hello kids, having fun?

fun having kids

↓

Get in the house! - Alrighty then.

alrighty house

↓

Lock the door.

door lock

↓

Oh, my God, it's Charlie Manson, wow!

charlie charlie-manson manson

↓

What's going on?

↓

There's a bunch of policemen chasing after us.

bunch chasing

↓

Quiet down, we're watching television.

quiet television watching

↓

Oh, Phillip, what a festive season.

festive phillip season

↓

That's right, Terrance. This is the season for sharing.

season sharing terrance

↓

The cops are here.

cops

↓

Howard?

howard

↓

How did you get out, son?

↓

Alright Manson, we know you're in there.

alright manson

↓

Come out peacefully and we'll shoot you.

peacefully shoot

↓

Tell him we won't shoot him. - Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

idea shoot

↓

Come out peacefully and we won't shoot you.

peacefully shoot

↓

Oh, look, Police Chief Stevens got a new haircut.

chief haircut police stevens

↓

Get down, Ma!

↓

Hey man, don't point a gun at your own mother.

mother point

↓

What the hell is wrong with you, Manson?

manson

↓

You're acting all funny.

acting funny

↓

Everybody just sit down and shut up.

everybody

↓

We're not going back to the big house.

house

↓

Well, Howard, you've done it again.

howard

↓

You ruined Christmas.

christmas ruined ruined-christmas

↓

This is Robert Pooner reporting live

live reporting reporting-live robert

↓

from Nebraska where escaped convict Charlie Manson

charlie charlie-manson escaped manson nebraska

↓

has walled himself up in a house.

house

↓

We understand there are hostages

hostages

↓

and that the situation is critical.

critical situation

↓

So we would like to remind you all

remind

↓

that this live hostage crisis

crisis hostage live

↓

is being brought to you by Palmoral sunblock.

brought

↓

Remember, if it isn't Palmoral. you're gonna get cancer.

cancer remember

↓

What's going on here?

↓

We've got a critical situation, ma'am.

critical maam situation

↓

Charlie Manson is holding everybody inside hostage.

charlie charlie-manson everybody holding hostage manson

↓

Is this the Cartman residence?

cartman residence

↓

- Yes, ma'am. - Give me that!

maam

↓

Stanley, this is your mother!

mother stanley

↓

Uh-oh.

↓

What's your mom doing here, dude?

↓

Young man, I have had it.

young

↓

You have disobeyed me for the last time.

↓

Wow, she's really pissed.

pissed

↓

I'm glad I'm not you right now, kid.

glad

↓

What do you have to say for yourself, Stanley?

stanley

↓

Sorry.

↓

Still more developments in the Manson hostage crisis.

crisis hostage manson

↓

It appears now that eight-year-old Stan Marsh

appears eight marsh stan stan-marsh

↓

is in big, big, trouble.

trouble

↓

He apparently disobeyed his parents,

apparently parents

↓

left home without telling them.

home left left-home telling

↓

And, Tom, his mother is very disappointed with him.

disappointed mother

↓

Damn it, what are we gonna do?

↓

Shh, we're watching television.

television watching

↓

Wait! Wait!

↓

Hold on.

↓

Over here, over here.

↓

Here comes one...

comes

↓

Hold on, wait, wait.

↓

Come out with your hands up.

hands

↓

Damn it, Dad,

↓

why didn't you put a back door on this house?

door house

↓

Well, there's that old window in the bathroom.

bathroom window

↓

You could probably squeeze through there.

squeeze

↓

That's it.

↓

We're going out the bathroom window.

bathroom window

↓

Come on, Manson.

manson

↓

But I gotta see what happens. - Come on, damn it.

happens

↓

Well, it was good seeing you all.

seeing

↓

Don't move until we're gone, or I'll shoot you dead.

dead gone shoot

↓

Happy holidays.

happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

Happy holidays.

happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

Dude, they're gonna kill me.

kill

↓

Alright Manson, this is it.

alright manson

↓

We're coming in after you.

coming

↓

There's gonna be a lot of bloodshed,

↓

and a lot of innocent people are gonna die.

innocent

↓

You've got until 100-marshmallow to come out.

marshmallow

↓

One marshmallow.

marshmallow

↓

Two marshmallow.

marshmallow

↓

Three marshmallow.

marshmallow three

↓

Alright, it's open, let's go.

alright open

↓

Excuse me, I want to go with you.

excuse

↓

Please, I don't want to go back with them.

↓

But Stan, your mother and father are out there.

father mother stan

↓

I know, they've come to punish me.

punish

↓

All they want to do is make me pay

↓

for coming to Nebraska in the first place.

coming nebraska place

↓

Alright kid, you can come.

alright

↓

Now, let's go.

↓

Stan, I want to talk to you about family.

family stan

↓

What? - What?

↓

You see, I had a family once.

family

↓

At least, I called them my family.

called family least

↓

Really they were nothing but a gang of people

gang

↓

I thought were my friends.

friends

↓

After we killed a bunch of people together,

bunch killed

↓

I realized that my real family was who took care of me

care family real real-family realized

↓

and who took the time to care about what I did.

care

↓

But they don't care about me, they just want to punish me.

care punish

↓

If they don't care about you,

care

↓

would they have driven nine hours to Nebraska?

driven hours nebraska nine

↓

I guess you're right, Uncle Charlie, thanks.

charlie thanks uncle

↓

Now can we go? - No, Howard.

howard

↓

You go ahead. I've got something to say.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Oh, weak!

weak

↓

Folks, I apologize for this whole mess.

apologize folks mess whole whole-mess

↓

I'm going to surrender.

surrender

↓

Somebody show the police a white flag.

flag police somebody white

↓

90 marshmallow, 91 marshmallow...

marshmallow

↓

This is making me hungry for marshmallows.

hungry

↓

92 marshmallow.

marshmallow

↓

Look out, he's got a white flag!

flag white

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

They killed the little orange coat kid.

coat killed orange

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

They're surrendering.

↓

You're under arrest, buddy.

arrest buddy

↓

Alright you, spread 'em.

alright spread

↓

You're going back to prison to rot, Manson.

manson prison

↓

- Good, I deserve to. - What?

deserve

↓

I can never make it up to the families that I destroyed.

destroyed families

↓

But at least I'll make an example

example least

↓

for anyone else thinking that crime is an answer.

answer crime thinking

↓

Stop that! - You see, I get it now.

↓

I finally understand what the holidays are all about.

finally holidays

↓

Boys, don't you see?

boys

↓

You can't let things get you down

↓

during the holidays because being happy

happy holidays

↓

is what the holidays are all about.

holidays

↓

Charlie's right.

charlies

↓

I'm not gonna let some fake Mr. Hankey

fake hankey

↓

spoil my holidays.

holidays spoil

↓

I've been such a bastard all these years,

bastard years

↓

and I finally understand,

finally

↓

and it feels great!

feels

↓

I feel like I'm in my own Christmas special.

christmas special

↓

You see...

↓

♪ Holidays are that special time ♪

holidays special

↓

♪ When we laugh and sing and feel warm and cozy ♪

cozy laugh sing warm

↓

♪ Forget about being angry for a day ♪

angry forget

↓

♪ Remember how it felt to be a child ♪

child remember

↓

♪ Opening presents on Christmas morning ♪

christmas christmas-morning morning opening presents

↓

♪ That's the way that we should all feel now ♪

↓

♪ So I say happy, happy, happy, happy ♪

happy happy-happy

↓

♪ Happy, happy, holiday ♪

happy happy-happy holiday

↓

♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♪

happy happy-happy

↓

♪ Happy, happy, holiday ♪

happy happy-happy holiday

↓

♪ Happy Kwanza too ♪

happy

↓

♪ From me to you ♪

↓

Happy holidays, you guys.

happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

- Happy holidays, Bob. - Happy holidays, Chief.

chief happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

Come on, Manson. You belong in jail.

belong jail manson

↓

You're darn right I do.

darn

↓

Well, I guess I'll be going, Mom and Dad.

↓

I hope you can forgive me.

forgive hope

↓

Oh, of course, we forgive you, son.

course forgive

↓

It was nice of you to pop in for the holidays.

holidays

↓

Yes, now, watch that ass in prison, son.

prison watch

↓

I always do.

↓

See you Eric, thanks for all your help.

eric thanks

↓

See you, Uncle Howard.

howard uncle

↓

Thanks for being such a great role model for me.

model role role-model thanks

↓

Piece of crap.

piece

↓

I hope you can forgive me too, Mom.

forgive hope

↓

Oh Stanley, let's just forget the whole thing

forget stanley whole

↓

and have a nice holiday back home.

holiday home

↓

Really?

↓

Sure, we'll punish you after the holidays.

holidays punish

↓

Hooray! Wait, what?

hooray

↓

And so Manson is hauled off to jail to rot in his cell.

cell jail manson

↓

Everything is back to normal,

normal

↓

and I guess the only thing left to say is,

left

↓

God bless us, everyone.

bless

↓

And I guess that's what I've learned.

learned

↓

I'm sorry for what I did.

↓

But that doesn't make up for it.

↓

I deserve to be in jail.

deserve jail

↓

All I hope is I don't make mankind lose faith in itself.

faith hope lose mankind

↓

Yes, there's murders in the world,

murders world

↓

there's rapists and thieves.

thieves

↓

But those are the vast minority.

minority vast

↓

The majority of mankind is made up of caring people

caring majority mankind

↓

who try every day to do what they think is right.

↓

And that's the spirit of the season.

season spirit

↓

- What do you think, guys? - It sucks.

sucks

↓

Just like all your other books.

books

↓

Well, good night, you guys.

night

↓

- Happy holidays. - Shut up!

happy happy-holidays holidays

↓

What was that? What the...

↓

Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!

charlie charlie-manson christmas manson merry merry-christmas

↓

♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪

angels angels-sing hark herald herald-angels herald-angels-sing sing

↓

♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

glory king

↓

♪ Peace on earth and mercy mild ♪

earth mercy mild peace

↓

♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪

sinners

↓

♪ Joyful all ye nations rise ♪

joyful nations rise

↓

♪ Join the triumph of the skies ♪

join skies triumph

↓

♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪

angels angels-sing hark herald herald-angels herald-angels-sing sing

↓

Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.

fucked