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Home » South Park » S02E14 — Chef Aid

South Park

Season 2, Episode 14 — Chef Aid

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Chef Aid

Air date: October 07, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Chef is getting sued by Capitalist Records for trying to obtain the rights to a song he wrote twenty years ago. He needs 2 million dollars to hire Johnny Cochran. In response the boys round up all of Chef's old musician friends and organize a huge concert to raise the cash.

Source: TMDB

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

♪ Stinky britches you got stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ Stinky stinky britches you got stinky-- ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

What the hell are you singing, Cartman?

cartman singing

↓

This new song by Alanis Morissette.

alanis alanis-morissette morissette song

↓

I can't get it out of my head.

head

↓

♪ Stinky britches you got stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

Hello, children, ready for lunch?

children lunch ready

↓

- ♪ Stinky britches you got stinky stinky ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

Eric, is there a problem?

eric problem

↓

Yeah, I can't get this stupid song out of my head!

head song stupid

↓

"Stinky Britches" by Alanis Morissette?

alanis alanis-morissette britches morissette stinky stinky-britches

↓

Yeah! ♪ Stinky stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

Children, did you say hi to Mr. Twig?

children twig

↓

"Hi boys, how are you?"

boys

↓

When is Mr. Hat coming back?

coming

↓

I told you never to say his name in my presence.

name presence

↓

But we hate Mr. Twig. Mr. Twig sucks.

hate sucks twig

↓

Yeah.

↓

♪ Stinky britches you got stinky-- ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

It just so happens that Mr. Twig

happens twig

↓

is far more stable than Mr. Hat could ever be,

stable

↓

so he's the better puppet. Now--

puppet

↓

He'd be better used as a coat rack.

coat rack used

↓

How dare you! C'mon, Mr. Twig.

dare twig

↓

Hello there, children!

children

↓

Hey, Chef.

chef

↓

♪ You got stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

What did you say?

↓

He's singing some new hit song.

singing song

↓

Eric, where did you hear that song?

eric song

↓

It's all over the place, on the radio,

place radio

↓

MTV, everywhere.

↓

Well, I'll be sodomized on Christmas.

christmas

↓

What, dude?

↓

Children, I wrote that song 20 years ago.

children song wrote years

↓

You wrote it? - Yeah.

wrote

↓

Back when I used to be in the rock business.

business rock used

↓

And now it looks like some big record company

company record

↓

has published one of my songs.

published songs

↓

Wow, then you should get money for it.

money

↓

Oh, I don't want any money.

money

↓

I'd just like to see my name on the credits, that's all.

credits name

↓

Then we should go to the record company.

company record

↓

My dad's a lawyer, dude,

dads lawyer

↓

he tells me about this stuff all the time.

stuff tells

↓

Well, all right, then I will go.

↓

I'll play them my version of the song.

song version

↓

♪ Stinky britches you got those stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

So you see, Mr. Big Record Producer,

producer record

↓

"Stinky Britches" was something I wrote several years ago.

britches several stinky stinky-britches wrote years

↓

Hmm, I really see no resemblance between that song

song

↓

and "Stinky Britches" by our artist, Alanis Morissette.

alanis alanis-morissette artist britches morissette stinky stinky-britches

↓

Huh? - It's the same goddamn song!

goddamn song

↓

Now, look, I'm trying to be cool about this.

cool

↓

But you can't just rip people's music off.

music peoples

↓

It's against the law.

↓

I'm above the law!

↓

Mr. Chef, I'm afraid you leave me no alternative.

afraid alternative chef

↓

We're going to sue you.

↓

Sue me?

↓

You stole one of my songs,

songs stole

↓

and you're gonna sue me?

↓

Yes, I suggest you get a real good lawyer.

lawyer real suggest

↓

We'll have the best in the business.

best business

↓

We'll get my dad to be Chef's lawyer!

chefs lawyer

↓

Yeah, and he's Jewish!

jewish

↓

- ♪ Stinky stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ Stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

Mr. Twig, is that you?

twig

↓

Mr. Twig?

twig

↓

Aah!

↓

Mr. Twig, no!

twig

↓

Who did this to you, Mr. Twig? Who?

twig

↓

Now, just let me do all the talking, Chef.

chef

↓

We're gonna bring these bastards down.

bastards bring

↓

Right. - This court is now in session.

court session

↓

Who is representing the defense?

defense representing

↓

I am, your honor, Gerald Broflovski.

broflovski gerald honor

↓

And representing the prosecution?

representing

↓

I am, your honor. Johnnie Cochran.

cochran honor johnnie johnnie-cochran

↓

Uh-oh.

↓

Why "uh-oh"? - Chef, that's Johnnie Cochran.

chef cochran johnnie johnnie-cochran

↓

He's the guy who got O.J. Off.

↓

Uh-oh.

↓

I need some help over here!

↓

Please help, I think he's got third degree burns!

burns degree third third-degree

↓

Give the child to me.

child

↓

Is he going to be all right, Doctor?

doctor

↓

Uh... - Is he going to live?

live

↓

It's a stick.

stick

↓

Damn it, don't give me that medical jargon.

medical

↓

Just tell me straight, is he gonna be okay?

straight

↓

And so on this 15th day of what is considered

considered

↓

to be the most important trial of the...day,

trial

↓

Johnnie Cochran has appeared to defend Capitalist Records.

appeared capitalist cochran defend johnnie johnnie-cochran records

↓

The question now is,

question

↓

will Cochran use his famous Chewbacca defense?

chewbacca cochran defense famous

↓

What's a Chewbacca defense? - I don't know.

chewbacca defense

↓

That's what Cochran used in the O.J. Simpson trial.

cochran simpson trial used

↓

Goddamn, I hate that Cochran guy!

cochran goddamn hate

↓

If he was here in front of me, I'd be like...

front

↓

hey!

↓

You stupid son of a bitch!

bitch stupid

↓

I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!

kick nuts

↓

I'm sure that would scare the hell out of him, Cartman.

cartman scare

↓

And so, in summation, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

gentlemen jury ladies

↓

you've heard the version of my client's song

clients heard song version

↓

recorded over 20 years ago.

recorded years

↓

You've heard the exact same song

exact heard song

↓

produced by these cheats in the past month.

cheats month past past-month produced

↓

I'd say it's pretty much an open and shut case.

case open

↓

Make the right decision. Thank you.

decision

↓

We've got them.

↓

Mr. Johnnie Cochran, your closing arguments?

arguments closing cochran johnnie johnnie-cochran

↓

Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury.

gentlemen jury ladies supposed

↓

Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe

attorney believe certainly chefs

↓

that his client wrote "Stinky Britches"

britches client stinky stinky-britches wrote

↓

ten years ago, and they make a good case.

case years

↓

Hell, I almost felt pity myself.

pity

↓

But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury,

gentlemen jury ladies supposed

↓

I have one final thing I want you to consider.

consider final

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca.

chewbacca gentlemen ladies

↓

Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyk.

chewbacca planet wookie

↓

But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor.

chewbacca endor lives planet

↓

Now think about that.

↓

That does not make sense.

sense

↓

Damn it. - What?

↓

He's using the Chewbacca defense.

chewbacca defense using

↓

Why would a Wookie--

wookie

↓

an eight-foot-tall Wookie--

eight foot tall wookie

↓

want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks?

bunch endor foot live tall

↓

That does not make sense.

sense

↓

But more importantly, you have to ask yourself,

importantly

↓

what does this have to do with this case?

case

↓

Nothing.

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

it has nothing to do with this case.

case

↓

It does not make sense.

sense

↓

Look at me, I'm a lawyer

lawyer

↓

defending a major record company

company defending major record

↓

and I'm talking about Chewbacca.

chewbacca

↓

Does that make sense?

sense

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not making any sense.

gentlemen ladies sense

↓

None of this makes sense!

makes makes-sense sense

↓

And so you have to remember,

remember

↓

when you're in that jury room deliberating

jury room

↓

and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation...

↓

does it make sense? No.

sense

↓

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury,

gentlemen jury ladies supposed

↓

it does not make sense.

sense

↓

If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit.

chewbacca endor lives must

↓

The defense rests.

defense

↓

Okay, then.

↓

Wow, he's good.

↓

In a teary-eyed courtroom, Johnnie Cochran has just

cochran courtroom eyed johnnie johnnie-cochran

↓

finished his closing arguments,

arguments closing finished

↓

and as was anticipated, he did use the Chewbacca defense.

anticipated chewbacca defense

↓

Whether or not it worked is up to the jury to decide.

decide jury whether worked

↓

How find you the jury?

jury

↓

We find the defendant Jerome "Chef" McElroy...

chef defendant jerome

↓

guilty as charged.

charged guilty

↓

Whoops.

whoops

↓

Whoops? - Mr. Chef,

chef whoops

↓

you've been found guilty of harassing a major record label.

found guilty harassing label major record

↓

The full fee of $2 million

full million

↓

will be handed over within 24 hours.

handed hours

↓

Do I look like I have $2 million?

million

↓

Well, you have 24 hours to find it,

hours

↓

or else you'll have to go to jail...

jail

↓

for 8 million years.

million million-years years

↓

It's actually for four years.

four four-years years

↓

Oh, sorry, you'll go to jail for four years.

four four-years jail years

↓

This can't be happening!

↓

Oh, no, dude. Chef's gonna go to jail.

chefs jail

↓

And that chair, too. I want that chair.

chair

↓

Hey, that's my favorite chair!

chair favorite

↓

You heard the judge. Since you lost the case,

case heard judge lost

↓

I can seize whatever I want to pay my legal fees.

legal seize

↓

Yeah, take that water cooler, too.

cooler water

↓

Hello there, Chef.

chef

↓

Hey, children. - What's going on?

children

↓

Children, that record company guy's taking all my belongings.

belongings children company record

↓

And if I don't come up with $2 million,

million

↓

I'm going to jail. - Well, don't worry.

jail worry

↓

We came over to cheer you up.

cheer

↓

Yeah, ready, Cartman? - Ready!

cartman ready

↓

♪ I will do the German dance for you♪

dance german

↓

♪ It's fun and gay and tra la la ♪

fun

↓

♪ I hope you will enjoy my dance ♪

dance enjoy hope

↓

♪ Hilia hilia hey ♪

↓

♪ Would you like some sauerkraut? ♪

sauerkraut

↓

♪ German boys German boys ♪

boys german

↓

♪ Yes I'd like some sauerkraut ♪

sauerkraut

↓

Okay, okay, children, thank you very much.

children

↓

I feel much better. - You do?

↓

Sure, just please stop. - See?

↓

I told you guys it would work. - What's that, dude?

↓

This? This is my photo album

album photo

↓

of all my times in the rock business.

business rock times

↓

- Did you ever know any famous people?

famous

↓

Did I? Janis Joplin.

janis joplin

↓

The Beatles. Elton John.

elton elton-john john

↓

Got to travel all around the world.

travel world

↓

Hanging out with bands, going to lavish parties,

bands hanging parties

↓

loving many, many women.

loving women

↓

What's that? - Nothing, anyway...

↓

- Take this too. - Hey!

↓

That has no monetary value.

value

↓

What the hell are you taking that for?

↓

I can take whatever I want.

↓

But I have 24 hours to come up with your money.

hours money

↓

That's the law. - I'm above the law!

↓

I told you not to mess with me.

mess

↓

That does it. You know what I'm gonna do?

↓

I'm gonna raise that $2 million,

million raise

↓

but I'm not gonna use it to pay you back.

↓

I'm going to use it to hire Johnnie Cochran myself

cochran hire johnnie johnnie-cochran

↓

and sue you!

↓

You wouldn't.

↓

Watch me.

watch

↓

Now get the fudge out of my house!

fudge house

↓

I brought you some more juice, Mr. Twig.

brought juice twig

↓

Are you feeling any better?

feeling

↓

I don't know who would want to hurt you like this,

hurt

↓

but I promise, nobody will ever hurt you again, ever.

hurt nobody promise

↓

Mr. Twig? Are you okay?

twig

↓

Mr. Twig?

twig

↓

Aah!

↓

Mr. Twig is broken in half!

broken half twig

↓

Who did this?

↓

You won't get away with this, you bastards!

bastards

↓

Okay, thank you, Mr. Cochran.

cochran

↓

Well, Johnnie Cochran will take my case

case cochran johnnie johnnie-cochran

↓

if I can pay his legal fee-- $2 million.

legal million

↓

Hey, why don't you ask all those famous people

famous

↓

you used to know for money? They're rich.

money rich used

↓

Oh, they wouldn't remember me.

remember

↓

All I did was cook for them.

cook

↓

You can raise $2 million, dude--we'll help you.

million raise

↓

I appreciate that, children,

appreciate children

↓

but raising $2 million is not an easy thing to do.

easy million raising

↓

My only hope is to whore myself to every woman in town.

hope town whore woman

↓

Wish me luck, children.

children luck wish

↓

We gotta help him, dude. - Yeah, but how?

↓

Come on, maybe those rock stars will remember Chef.

chef remember rock rock-stars stars

↓

Let's go pay them a visit.

visit

↓

Whoa, dude, this house is huge.

house huge whoa

↓

Yeah, it's bigger than Cartman's ass.

bigger cartmans

↓

No, it isn't, you guys.

↓

Can I help you?

↓

We've come to raise money for our friend, Chef.

chef friend money raise raise-money

↓

Would you like a mint crunchy or a snacky cake?

cake crunchy mint snacky

↓

Are you Elton John? - No, I'm one of his butlers.

butlers elton elton-john john

↓

Ugh, then what the hell are we talking to you for?

↓

Come on, guys.

↓

Hi. Are you Elton John?

elton elton-john john

↓

Sir Elton John. I was knighted, you know.

elton elton-john john

↓

We're trying to raise money for our school chef.

chef money raise raise-money school

↓

We have chocolate nuggets and smoke crunchy...

chocolate crunchy nuggets smoke

↓

I'm sorry, but I'm not a candy bar fan.

candy

↓

What? - Could you just buy

↓

a couple anyway? Our friend Chef is--

chef couple friend

↓

Chef? You mean Chef, Chef?

chef

↓

Yeah, dude. - Whoa, you remember him?

remember whoa

↓

Of course. I haven't seen him in so long.

course seen

↓

I remember when I first met him.

remember

↓

It was about 25 years ago.

years

↓

I was just a struggling musician

musician struggling

↓

who couldn't get a break.

break

↓

♪ Oh-oh you're my cheddar cheese girl ♪

cheddar cheese girl

↓

♪ You're soft but firm and you go well with wine ♪

firm soft wine

↓

♪ Oh-oh cheddar cheese girl ♪

cheddar cheese girl

↓

♪ Cheddar cheddar cheese girl ♪

cheddar cheese girl

↓

Hey, Elton, don't feel so down, baby.

baby elton

↓

Have some of my Scottish haggis.

↓

It'll cheer you up.

cheer itll

↓

Thanks, Chef.

chef thanks thanks-chef

↓

I don't understand what my music is missing.

missing music

↓

Look, Elton, you are a great singer,

elton singer

↓

but a retarded monkey could write better lyrics.

lyrics monkey retarded write

↓

I really thought I had it this time

↓

with "Cheddar Cheese Girl."

cheddar cheese girl

↓

- What you need is a guy

↓

to write really good lyrics for you.

lyrics write

↓

I know a guy named Bernie Taupin

bernie named

↓

who's working at Moth Burger right now.

burger moth working

↓

I'll give him a call. - That's a great idea.

idea

↓

And Elton, why don't you get yourself some new threads?

elton threads

↓

You know, some slick glasses and shit.

glasses slick

↓

And so I got Bernie to write my lyrics.

bernie lyrics write

↓

And if it wasn't for Chef,

chef

↓

I would never have had a career in music.

career music

↓

So will you buy some of our candy bars to help him out?

bars candy candy-bars

↓

Yes, of course. I'll buy three Crispy Yum Yums.

course crispy three

↓

Three Crispy Yums Yums.

crispy three

↓

Hey, Elton, if I give you these lyrics,

elton lyrics

↓

will you write a song for my girlfriend, Wendy?

girlfriend song wendy write

↓

Sure, kid, but I would retain exclusive worldwide rights,

exclusive retain rights worldwide

↓

including but not limited to Asian territories

asian including limited

↓

with a 20% commission on all domestic sales

commission domestic sales

↓

and sole ownership of any of all publishing.

ownership publishing sole

↓

Okay...

↓

Tell Chef I say hi. - Thanks, dude.

chef thanks

↓

Dude, we'll have Chef's $2 million in no time.

chefs million

↓

I thank you, Chef.

chef

↓

No problem, Ms. Broflovski.

broflovski problem

↓

Uh...now, about that hundred bucks?

bucks hundred hundred-bucks

↓

Of course, here you go.

course

↓

Leaving so soon?

leaving

↓

I got a long way to go to raise the kind of money I need.

money raise

↓

Well, best of luck to you then.

best luck

↓

How was it, honey?

honey

↓

Pretty much what I expected.

expected

↓

Hello. Are you Meatloaf?

meatloaf

↓

Yeah. What the hell do you want?

↓

Mr. Loaf, we are selling candy bars

bars candy candy-bars loaf selling

↓

for our dying friend. - He's not dying, Cartman.

cartman dying friend

↓

Shut your Goddamn mouth.

goddamn mouth

↓

We have nougat crunchies, berry bars--

bars berry

↓

What's this for? - Our friend Chef.

chef friend

↓

Chef's in trouble? - Yeah, do you know him?

chefs trouble

↓

Do I?

↓

Nobody came again.

nobody

↓

There, there, Cous-Cous, it'll be all right.

itll

↓

Maybe you just need to change your image.

change image

↓

What do you mean? - Nobody wants to see a guy

nobody nobody-wants wants

↓

named Cous-Cous.

named

↓

You need a big, strong beefy name.

beefy name strong

↓

Beefy, like a...

beefy

↓

Tri-Tip! - That's not bad.

↓

Here, have some meatloaf.

meatloaf

↓

I owe everything to Chef.

chef

↓

Wow, so you'll help him? - You bet.

↓

Give me a box of Nilla Yums Yums

nilla

↓

and a couple of berry bars.

bars berry couple

↓

Cool! - Yeah!

cool

↓

All right, let's get this show on the road!

road

↓

Come here, baby!

baby

↓

Uh, hold on a second, Ms. Crabtree.

crabtree second

↓

How would you like to use some sex toys?

toys

↓

Sex toys? Like what?

toys

↓

Like this very special device.

device special

↓

I call it "Chef's pleasure bag."

chefs pleasure

↓

How does it work? - All you do

↓

is put this paper bag over your head,

head paper

↓

and it increases your sexual pleasure.

increases pleasure sexual

↓

Really? Well, hell, let's give it a shot.

shot

↓

Ah, yeah. That's much better.

↓

Sure, I'll do anything for Chef.

chef

↓

Give me a box of those Choco-nomos.

↓

Gosh, thanks, Rick James. - Yeah, thanks.

gosh james rick thanks

↓

That's $35. Come on, you guys.

↓

We gotta hurry and get this money to Chef.

chef hurry money

↓

Oh, that was wonderful, Chef. Good show.

chef

↓

Oh, I can't keep doing this. It's killing me.

killing

↓

Ah, come on, buck up, little fella.

buck fella

↓

I'm serious. I'm not gonna make it.

serious

↓

Sure you are, Chef.

chef

↓

I'll give you a hundred more for another rump.

another hundred

↓

Ah, hell.

↓

- Thanks for coming, Officer Barbrady.

barbrady coming officer officer-barbrady thanks

↓

What's this all about? - These pictures just arrived.

arrived pictures

↓

I set up a camera

camera

↓

and caught Mr. Twig's assailant red-handed.

caught handed twigs

↓

Now go arrest him.

arrest

↓

What? - Can I go now?

↓

Yes, yes, I'm sorry.

↓

Weirdo.

weirdo

↓

It can't be.

↓

This can't be right.

↓

Mr. Hat!

↓

Wait, what are you doing?

↓

It's over, children.

children

↓

I couldn't raise the $2 million to hire Johnnie Cochran.

cochran hire johnnie johnnie-cochran million raise

↓

Now I have to go to jail. - No, you don't.

jail

↓

Huh? - We went to a bunch

bunch

↓

of rock stars and sold them candy bars

bars candy candy-bars rock rock-stars sold stars

↓

to raise the money you needed.

money needed raise

↓

Did what? Wow, how much did you make?

↓

Cartman? - Well, you can see here

cartman

↓

that we raised approximately $95.

approximately raised

↓

Falling well short of our $2 million goal,

falling goal million short

↓

illustrated here. - Oh.

↓

- But we can put our money together

money

↓

with the money you made whoring yourself to all the women.

money women

↓

How much did you make? - I made about $410,300 but--

↓

That doesn't matter because that money belongs to me.

belongs matter money

↓

You can't take Chef's money. That's illegal.

chefs illegal money

↓

- I'm above the law!

↓

All right, you, it's time to go.

↓

Good-bye, children.

children

↓

Thanks for all your help.

thanks

↓

Let's go. - Ow!

↓

What the hell did you do that for?

↓

I don't tell you how to do your job,

↓

don't tell me how to do mine.

↓

Ow! Ow!

↓

- Dude, Chef is gone.

chef gone

↓

No more Chef.

chef

↓

No more Salisbury steak and pecan pie...

salisbury salisbury-steak steak

↓

We can't let him down, you guys.

↓

Dude, it's over, he's gone.

gone

↓

No. Chef wouldn't give up on us.

chef

↓

How many times has Chef gotten us out of trouble?

chef gotten times trouble

↓

Four. - But what are we gonna do?

four

↓

It's easy, dude.

easy

↓

Chef Aid. - Chef Aid?

chef

↓

- Yeah, we set up a stage

stage

↓

and have Cartman do the German dance.

cartman dance german

↓

Then we charge people for tickets.

charge tickets

↓

Hey, that's a great idea. - Yeah.

idea

↓

Did you think I would just take you back?

↓

Like you can walk out

walk

↓

and then come back like nothing happened?

happened

↓

Oh, don't look at me like that, Mr. Hat.

↓

Remember, you're the one that left.

left remember

↓

And I'm not gonna take you back.

↓

You can just go to hell.

↓

You go to hell and you die.

↓

You're a lying ball of turd, Mr. Hat!

ball lying turd

↓

I hope you starve, you lousy son of a bitch!

bitch hope lousy starve

↓

What are you all looking at?

looking

↓

This is between me and Mr. Hat.

↓

It's over, Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

This is it, we've had enough. - What do you mean?

↓

- I'm afraid it's the big house for you, fruitcake.

afraid house

↓

What? Jail?

jail

↓

♪ I will do the German dance for you ♪

dance german

↓

♪ It's fun and gay and tra la la ♪

fun

↓

♪ Hope you will enjoy my dance ♪

dance enjoy hope

↓

♪ Hilia hilia hey ♪

↓

Hmm, this isn't going over so well.

↓

Cartman just needs to put more into it.

cartman needs

↓

Dance better, Cartman!

cartman dance

↓

♪ Would you like some sauerkraut? ♪

sauerkraut

↓

♪ German boys German boys ♪

boys german

↓

Howdy ho, boys.

boys howdy

↓

Elton John, what are you doing here?

elton elton-john john

↓

It occurred to me that you might need some more help

might occurred

↓

raising money for Chef. - Boy, do we.

chef money raising

↓

So I called a few friends,

called friends

↓

and we all decided to come over.

decided

↓

Wow, cool! - I see you've got a stage

cool stage

↓

all set up for us.

↓

Yeah, dude, it's all yours.

↓

Then let's rock and roll!

rock roll

↓

Or something similar. - Hooray!

hooray similar

↓

- And Mr. Twig is at home.

home twig

↓

He has no idea Mr. Hat is even back.

idea

↓

I mean, I care a lot about Mr. Twig,

care twig

↓

but Mr. Hat and I have so much history.

history

↓

- You finally snapped, huh, Garrison?

finally garrison snapped

↓

What? - Don't you get it, Garrison?

garrison

↓

It's all you. You're Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig.

twig

↓

You've got split personality schizophrenic jeebeez.

personality schizophrenic split

↓

I warn you, Chef. Don't even think of

chef warn

↓

taking advantage of me in this prison cell.

advantage cell prison

↓

What? - Okay, thanks for coming

coming thanks

↓

to Chef Aid, everybody!

chef everybody

↓

Are you ready to rock and roll?

ready rock roll

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

All right, let's get things going with...Rancid!

rancid

↓

Whoo, sweet!

sweet whoo

↓

♪ California sun has sunk ♪

california sunk

↓

♪ Behind Anaheim Hills I come tonight ♪

behind hills tonight

↓

♪ I was high on junk ♪

junk

↓

You still aren't entertaining any ideas

entertaining ideas

↓

of raping me here in this prison cell, are you, Chef?

cell chef prison raping

↓

No, Garrison, shut the hell up.

garrison

↓

That's good.

↓

What the-- - Oh, boy, we're free!

free

↓

Wow. What a daring rescue.

rescue

↓

Mr. Hat!

↓

Mr. Hat saved us, Chef!

chef saved

↓

Come on, let's get in the truck.

truck

↓

I'll drive from here, Mr. Hat.

drive

↓

How the hell did he reach the gas pedal?

pedal reach

↓

♪ Mmm ♪

↓

Rick James, ladies and gentlemen!

gentlemen james ladies rick

↓

God bless you, Chef.

bless chef

↓

And now here's your favorite band, Primus, whoo!

band favorite whoo

↓

We're damn proud to be here to support our good buddy Chef.

buddy chef proud support

↓

It was Chef who told us in the early days

chef days early

↓

to keep trying and to keep pursuing our dreams,

dreams

↓

no matter how much we sucked.

matter sucked

↓

I love that man.

love

↓

Ooh!

↓

What are you bastards doing?

bastards

↓

We're raising money so that Chef can hire Johnnie Cochran

chef cochran hire johnnie johnnie-cochran money raising

↓

to sue you. - Yeah, now get out of here

↓

before I kick you in the nuts!

kick nuts

↓

Oh, yeah?

↓

We'll just see about this!

↓

Now, here's Joe Strummer! Whoo-hoo!

whoo

↓

You know, when The Clash went on tour and we lost our beat,

beat lost tour

↓

Chef would be, like, on the side of the stage, going,

chef side stage

↓

"Don't forget, pump your loins, children!"

children forget loins pump

↓

You know, that was like, his motto or something.

motto

↓

Whoo! - ♪ But it's a rocking world ♪

rocking whoo world

↓

♪ Make no mistake about it ♪

mistake

↓

♪ It's a shocking world could be what's so great about it ♪

shocking world

↓

♪ It's a rocking world ♪

rocking world

↓

What the hell is this?

↓

Welcome to Chef Aid, Chef!

chef welcome

↓

Wow, how'd you get out of jail, Chef?

chef howd jail

↓

Mr. Hat busted me out. Children, did you do this?

busted children

↓

Well, we helped.

helped

↓

We're gonna raise your money, Chef.

chef money raise

↓

I don't believe it.

believe

↓

We'll just see how long this Chef Aid thing lasts.

chef lasts

↓

And now, here he is, TV's Ozzy Osbourne!

↓

We're all here to help our good friend Chef,

chef friend

↓

who has touched our lives in the past.

lives past touched

↓

I remember when I was just starting out,

remember starting

↓

Chef suggested I buy a pompadour hat.

chef suggested

↓

I thought he said, "Bite the head of a bat."

bite head

↓

So I did, and the rest, oh, is just history.

history rest

↓

Now, let's go crazy!

crazy

↓

♪ Ain't nowhere to run ♪

aint

↓

'Cause I be running this.

running

↓

♪ Ain't nowhere to hide ♪

aint hide

↓

Come on!

↓

Aah!

↓

Gah!

↓

Oh, my God, Ozzy Osbourne bit Kenny's head off!

head kennys

↓

You bastard!

bastard

↓

And now here's Ween!

↓

We're thrilled to be a part of Chef Aid.

chef part thrilled

↓

Chef was the guy who told us to do a country album.

album chef country

↓

No, dude, that was Steve's idea.

idea

↓

Oh, then who's Chef?

chef

↓

I don't know, dude, I thought you knew him.

↓

Oh, well. Anyways, here's our song.

anyways song

↓

♪ Many colors in the homo rainbow ♪

colors homo rainbow

↓

♪ Don't be afraid to let your colors shine ♪

afraid colors shine

↓

Don't worry, Mr. Twig,

twig worry

↓

even though Mr. Hat rescued me from prison,

prison rescued

↓

I'm still gonna stick with you.

stick

↓

Do you love him?

love

↓

It doesn't matter. He left me.

left matter

↓

Do you love him?

love

↓

Yes.

↓

Then run to him.

↓

But I feel like I'd be making the wrong decision.

decision

↓

Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling.

decision feeling love

↓

If we could decide who we loved,

decide loved

↓

it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

less magical simpler

↓

I'll never forget you, Mr. Twig. Thank you.

forget twig

↓

And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!

elton elton-john gentlemen john ladies

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

- Thank you all for coming to help Chef.

chef coming

↓

This is a song written by a very special little boy.

song special written

↓

I have no idea what his name is, but who the hell cares?

cares idea name

↓

Anyway, he wrote it for his girlfriend.

girlfriend wrote

↓

♪ Wake up Wendy smell the coffee ♪

coffee smell wake wendy

↓

Dude, that's your song for Wendy.

song wendy

↓

You're a wuss!

wuss

↓

I win, you lose.

lose

↓

Chef Aid is over,

chef

↓

and you didn't raise near enough money

money near raise

↓

to pay Cochran's legal fees.

cochrans legal

↓

I win.

↓

And what happened then?

happened

↓

Well, in South Park, they say

park south south-park

↓

Johnnie Cochran's heart grew three sizes that day.

cochrans grew heart johnnie sizes three

↓

Wait.

↓

Mr. Chef, this music has really touched me.

chef music touched

↓

I'd like to take up your case free of charge.

case charge free

↓

You will? - I will.

↓

No! - We'll see you in court,

court

↓

Mr. Record Producer.

producer record

↓

No!

↓

Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury,

gentlemen jury ladies supposed

↓

you must now decide whether or not

decide decide-whether must whether

↓

to reverse the decision for my client, Chef.

chef client decision reverse

↓

I know he seems guilty, but ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen guilty ladies seems

↓

this is Chewbacca.

chewbacca

↓

Now think about that for one minute.

minute

↓

That does not make sense!

sense

↓

Why am I talking about Chewbacca

chewbacca

↓

when a man's life is on the line?

life line mans mans-life

↓

Why? I tell you why.

↓

I don't know. If it doesn't make sense.

sense

↓

If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit.

chewbacca must sense

↓

Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.

monkey silly

↓

There he is!

↓

Chef, how does it feel to be a free man and finally

chef finally free

↓

have your name credited on the song "Stinky Britches"?

britches name song stinky stinky-britches

↓

It feels great!

feels

↓

I just can't find the words

words

↓

to thank all the artists who put on Chef Aid.

artists chef

↓

Most of all, I want to thank the children.

children

↓

So what are you gonna do now?

↓

Get back to what's important.

↓

It's Tuesday, and that means tomorrow is tuna casserole day.

casserole tomorrow tuesday tuna

↓

Hurray!

hurray

↓

♪ Stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ You got them stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ Stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ You got them stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ Stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

♪ You got stinky britches ♪

britches stinky stinky-britches

↓

Whoo! Stinky!

stinky whoo