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Home » South Park » S02E09 — Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls

South Park

Season 2, Episode 9 — Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls

Air date: August 19, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

A film festival moves to South Park, only to have a devastating effect on the sewer system. Mr. Hankey calls upon Kyle for help. The movie people interpret Kyle's pleading as a pitch and they quickly turn his story into a film starring Tom Hanks and a monkey they call "Mr. Hankey." Kyle is outraged that the filmmakers aren't hearing his pleas. Soon Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls energizes everyone.

Source: TMDB

↓

Hello, everyone. I'm Matt Stone.

matt matt-stone stone

↓

And I'm Trey Parker. And we're...

parker trey trey-parker

↓

Cooking bacon!

bacon cooking

↓

And here to help us is our old pal, Macon.

macon

↓

Say hi, Macon.

macon

↓

- Well, today's dish is called Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.

bacon called dish loaf northern todays wyoming

↓

Ooh.

↓

Sounds good, huh?

sounds

↓

To make it, you will need three pounds of cooked bacon,

bacon cooked pounds three

↓

two eggs, one cup of cheese soup,

cheese eggs soup

↓

and another pound of cooked bacon.

another bacon cooked pound

↓

We've already started cooking the bacon.

bacon cooking started

↓

Ooh, smell that bacon. - Mm.

bacon smell

↓

Macon's going crazy.

crazy macons

↓

All right, hold on, hold on.

↓

Macon loves Bacon.

bacon loves loves-bacon macon

↓

What's that? Do you want it, do you want it?

↓

Do you want it? Yeah, that's a buddy.

buddy

↓

Have more bacon, yeah.

bacon

↓

Now, once the bacon is cooked, we're ready

bacon cooked ready

↓

for the food processor. - That's right.

food

↓

We're gonna put all the ingredients

ingredients

↓

in the food processor.

food

↓

Get this grease off here.

grease

↓

Eggs, some bacon, more bacon, and mix.

bacon eggs

↓

Whoa, Macon, want some more bacon?

bacon macon whoa

↓

While we're waiting for that, let's watch

waiting watch

↓

our favorite episode of "South Park."

episode favorite favorite-episode park south south-park

↓

It's called "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls."

balls called chefs chocolate salty salty-balls

↓

- That's right--you see, Matt and I have been

matt

↓

several times to the Sundance Film Festival

festival film film-festival several several-times sundance times

↓

in Utah, and we think it totally sucks ass,

sucks

↓

so we decided to have Robert Redford

decided robert

↓

bring his little festival to "South Park."

bring festival park south south-park

↓

- Apparently Mr. Redford doesn't like us too much

apparently

↓

because of this episode.

episode

↓

Maybe that's because we have him drowning in shit.

drowning

↓

- Well, who cares? He's old.

cares

↓

Now I'm gonna put this dish in the oven at 450 degrees.

degrees dish oven

↓

- You all sit back, relax, and enjoy "Chef's Chocolate

chefs chocolate enjoy relax

↓

Salty Balls," and, when we return,

balls return salty salty-balls

↓

Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.

bacon loaf northern wyoming

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

- ♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

- Why do we hold the Sundance Film Festival here, Phyllis?

festival film film-festival phyllis sundance

↓

It's so painfully crowded.

crowded painfully

↓

Because, people from LA love to come

love

↓

to a quaint little mountain town for a few days,

days mountain mountain-town quaint town

↓

and this gives them an excuse.

excuse gives

↓

No, this used to be a quaint little mountain town.

mountain mountain-town quaint town used

↓

Now look at it! Sushi restaurants,

restaurants sushi

↓

upscale clothes stores, $25 parking, Liam Neeson.

clothes liam parking stores

↓

I tell you Phyllis, I think we've tapped

phyllis tapped

↓

this town's resources out. We must move the festival

festival must resources towns

↓

to another small mountain town and begin again.

another begin mountain mountain-town town

↓

That's not a bad idea.

idea

↓

But where?

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

Okay, children,

children

↓

I have some very exciting news for you.

exciting exciting-news news

↓

Why don't you tell them, Mr. Twig?

twig

↓

That's right, Mr. Garrison!

garrison

↓

The first annual South Park Film Festival begins today.

annual annual-south annual-south-park begins begins-today festival film film-festival park south south-park today

↓

Wow, cool. - They're not gonna show

cool

↓

that stupid-ass Godzilla movie again, are they?

godzilla movie stupid

↓

No, no, Kyle. These are independent films.

films independent independent-films kyle

↓

Oh, like "Independence Day"? That sucked ass too.

independence sucked

↓

Nah, dude, independent films

films independent independent-films

↓

are those black and white hippie movies.

black hippie movies white

↓

They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.

cowboys eating pudding

↓

No, they're not!

↓

Independent films are produced outside the Hollywood system.

films hollywood independent independent-films produced system

↓

They're movies without all the glitz and glamour

glamour movies

↓

of Hollywood.

hollywood

↓

Well, you show me one independent film

film independent

↓

that isn't about gay cowboys eating pudding.

cowboys eating pudding

↓

Once again, you have no idea

idea

↓

what you're talking about, fat-ass!

↓

I'm not fat! I just haven't grown into

grown

↓

my body yet, you skinny bitch!

bitch body skinny

↓

Eric, if you call Wendy a bitch one more time,

bitch eric wendy

↓

I'm sending you to the Principal's office.

office principals principals-office sending

↓

Bitch. - That's it, Eric, you--!

bitch eric

↓

I'm going.

↓

Anyway, children, I want you all to see

children

↓

at least one independent film at the festival and then

festival film independent least

↓

write a paper about it.

paper write

↓

The first film showing is called "Witness to Denial"

called denial film showing witness

↓

and is a sexual exploration piece about two women in love.

exploration love piece sexual women

↓

Aw, my Uncle Jimbo has a ton of those movies

jimbo movies uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

in his dresser drawer.

drawer dresser

↓

No, no, I wanna shoot the script next month

month script shoot

↓

with Demi Moore attached.

attached

↓

Well, you tell Spielberg he can kiss my ass.

kiss

↓

Wow, look at this, Johnson.

johnson

↓

Traffic jams at every intersection,

intersection jams traffic

↓

hordes of people pushing their way through the crowds--

crowds pushing

↓

it's almost like we're a real city.

city real

↓

I can't believe I got sent to the Principal's office

believe office principals principals-office sent

↓

because of your stupid girlfriend.

girlfriend stupid

↓

She's not my girlfriend.

girlfriend

↓

Sick, Kenny. - Damn, dude.

kenny sick

↓

Look at all these people. - I'm late for a screening.

late screening

↓

I'll call you from the theater.

theater

↓

All this for a bunch of stupid movies?

bunch movies stupid

↓

Hello there, children.

children

↓

Hey, Chef.

chef

↓

Whatcha doing? - Children, this whole film

children film whatcha whole

↓

festival thing has quite lucrative

festival lucrative

↓

monetary possibilities.

possibilities

↓

And I'm gonna sell some of my famous cookies

cookies famous sell

↓

to these Hollywood types and make a mint.

hollywood mint types

↓

What kind of cookies? - Calm down, tubby.

calm cookies tubby

↓

They're little cookies with fudge in the middle,

cookies fudge middle

↓

and I call them Fudge 'Ems. - I want a Fudge 'Em.

fudge

↓

I can just see the commercial now.

commercial

↓

Wife got you down? Boss making you angry?

angry boss wife

↓

Kids yelling at you? Well, Fudge 'Em!

fudge kids yelling

↓

Cool. - And I've also got

cool

↓

my double chocolate cookies, Fudge This.

chocolate cookies double fudge

↓

Oh, look, one of the natives is selling local food wares.

food local selling

↓

How quaint. - This is why I come

quaint

↓

to these things--to get away from LA and become one

become

↓

with a more simple culture. - Well, perhaps you'd like

culture perhaps simple

↓

to try my low-calorie cookies Go Fudge Yourself.

cookies fudge

↓

Or my all-natural I Don't Really Give A Flying Fudge.

flying fudge natural

↓

Ooh, do you have any tofu or steamed celery?

celery steamed tofu

↓

Huh? - I would kill for some

kill

↓

couscous right now. - Whose goose?

goose

↓

Uh, never mind. We brought some food

brought food mind

↓

from the natural market in LA. - Cute sign though.

cute market natural sign

↓

Stan, I have two tickets for the opening film

film opening stan tickets

↓

of the festival. Would you like to come with me?

festival

↓

Shut up, Cartman. Sure I do.

cartman

↓

I mean, since we have to write a paper on a film anyway.

film paper write

↓

She'll be the death of him, Kyle.

death kyle shell

↓

Mark my words. She'll be the death of him.

death mark shell words

↓

If she holds his hand in that theater, it'll be all over.

hand holds itll theater

↓

Get 'em while they're hot. My all-new cookies,

cookies

↓

I Just Went and Fudged Your Momma.

↓

Jesus, he sure ran that one into the ground.

ground jesus

↓

When's this thing start? I hope there's

hope start whens

↓

some good previews. - Stan, film festival movies

festival film film-festival movies stan

↓

don't usually have previews before them.

usually

↓

- They what?

↓

Who are you to judge my womanly soul?

judge soul womanly

↓

The goddess flames that burn in my memory aren't dark.

burn dark flames goddess memory

↓

Dare you call them dark?

dare dark

↓

Here lies the goddess truth of my body.

body goddess lies truth

↓

Oh, brother.

brother

↓

- The goddess that cries, "Freedom, here is the goddess

cries freedom goddess

↓

truth of my womanly being."

truth womanly

↓

You are my blossom, my flame.

flame

↓

When we make love, it's like the sun

love

↓

is right outside the door.

door

↓

Then make love to me, right now.

love

↓

Dude, dude! - Shh!

↓

♪ I can see clearly now the rain is gone ♪

gone rain

↓

♪ I can see all obstacles in my way ♪

obstacles

↓

Bubula, you need to get to bed--it's late!

late

↓

I'm poopies, Ma!

↓

Well, hurry up!

hurry

↓

♪ Gone are the dark clouds... ♪

clouds dark gone

↓

Could it be?

↓

Howdy-ho!

howdy

↓

Mr. Hankey? Mr. Hankey, is that you?

hankey

↓

Hello?

↓

I'm here live in South Park, Colorado where citizens

citizens colorado live park park-colorado south south-park south-park-colorado

↓

of Los Angeles are arriving in droves for the town's

angeles arriving towns

↓

first annual film festival.

annual festival film film-festival

↓

This is just a small, quiet mountain community

community mountain quiet

↓

where nothing out of the ordinary ever really

ordinary

↓

happens, except for the occasional

except happens occasional

↓

complete destruction of the entire town,

complete destruction entire town

↓

and so the excitement level is naturally very high.

excitement level naturally

↓

Right now, the townspeople are anxiously awaiting

townspeople

↓

the arrival of some of Hollywood's top celebrities.

arrival celebrities

↓

- It was him, dude! I tell you,

↓

it was Mr. Hankey.

hankey

↓

Wait, I thought Mr. Hankey only came at Christmastime.

christmastime hankey

↓

Well, I'm sure it was him. - Look, look,

↓

here comes somebody? - I wonder who it could be.

comes somebody wonder

↓

Move aside, I can't see! - Oh, move your head.

aside head

↓

Ladies and gentleman, TV's Fred Savage!

fred gentleman ladies savage

↓

Well, I'm sure a real person will show up soon.

person real real-person

↓

So how was that movie last night, dude?

movie night

↓

Oh, dude, you don't even want to know.

↓

It had a bunch of gay cowboys eating pudding, huh?

bunch cowboys eating pudding

↓

Yeah, pretty much. - Yeah.

↓

That theater sucks though.

sucks theater

↓

They need to get a bigger screen.

bigger screen

↓

They should project the movies on Cartman's ass.

cartmans movies project

↓

Hey! - Yeah, but that'd be

thatd

↓

like IMAX.

↓

Okay, that's enough fat-ass jokes for this week.

jokes week

↓

Okay, that does it.

↓

Screw you guys--I'm going home.

home screw

↓

Well?

↓

I'm gonna. Just give me a minute.

minute

↓

This is perfect.

perfect

↓

Why didn't we think of it sooner?

sooner

↓

This town still has some charm left,

charm left town

↓

not the mess we turned Park City into.

city mess park turned

↓

Forgive me for being observant,

forgive

↓

but won't we just end up doing the same thing to this town?

town

↓

Yes, and the town after, and the town after that.

town

↓

Like termites, we will move this film festival from town

festival film film-festival town

↓

to town until we have used it up and then move on

town used

↓

until every quiet mountain town is like Los Angeles.

angeles mountain mountain-town quiet town

↓

Why? Why would we do such a thing?

↓

Because we have to live in LA, and, if we can't live

live

↓

in quiet, simply, peaceful mountain towns,

mountain peaceful quiet simply towns

↓

then nobody will.

nobody

↓

Wait, wait, zoom in to a close-up on my face

close face zoom

↓

when I do that, ready?

ready

↓

The nobody will!

nobody

↓

That's it.

↓

- Children, I'm glad you're here.

children glad

↓

I want you to check out my new confectioneries.

check

↓

I think they're gonna sell right through the roof.

roof sell

↓

I call them Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls.

balls chefs chocolate salty

↓

Are they good? - Try 'em.

↓

Hey, these are good. - Yeah, I love

love

↓

your salty chocolate balls, Chef.

balls chef chocolate salty

↓

- There it is again. - There's what again?

↓

It's Mr. Hankey.

hankey

↓

I think he's in some kind of trouble.

trouble

↓

Dude, how do you tell if a piece of poo is in trouble?

piece trouble

↓

Where does that grille go? - To the sewer, dude.

sewer

↓

Of course, the sewer! That must be where he is.

course must sewer

↓

Come on. Come on!

↓

♪ Say, everybody, have you seen my balls? ♪

balls everybody seen

↓

♪ They're big and salty and brown ♪

brown salty

↓

♪ If you ever need a quick pick me up ♪

pick quick

↓

♪ Just stick my balls in your mouth ♪

balls mouth stick

↓

♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls ♪

balls chocolate salty salty-balls suck

↓

♪ Put 'em in your mouth, put 'em in your mouth ♪

mouth

↓

♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪

suck

↓

Aw, man, it smells like ass down here.

smells

↓

Of course it smells like ass, retard.

course retard smells

↓

It's a sewer.

sewer

↓

What was that?

↓

Aw, man, let's get out of here.

↓

We can't, dude. Not until we find

↓

Mr. Hankey.

hankey

↓

What the hell? - Mr. Garrison?

garrison

↓

Oh, hello, children. - What are you doing

children

↓

down in the sewer with a bunch of snorkel stuff on?

bunch sewer stuff

↓

Oh, I was just hanging out. - In a sewer.

hanging sewer

↓

Children, do you know how to file a police report?

children file police police-report report

↓

No.

↓

Good--see you in school.

school

↓

This is ridiculous.

ridiculous

↓

What the hell are we, the Goonies?

↓

Yeah, we're the Goonies, Cartman.

cartman

↓

Why don't you pretend like you're the fat kid?

pretend

↓

Okay, that does it.

↓

Screw you guys--I'm--

screw

↓

- Howdy-ho!

howdy

↓

Mr. Hankey! - Howdy-ho, boys.

boys hankey howdy

↓

I told you guys he'd be here. - Gosh, look at you.

gosh

↓

You're all growing up so fast. - Hi, Mr. Hankey.

fast growing hankey

↓

Nice to see you. - Have y'all been brushing

brushing yall

↓

behind your teeth?

behind teeth

↓

Yes.

↓

And using dental floss?

dental floss using

↓

Yes.

↓

And washing behind your ears?

behind ears washing

↓

Yes. - Yes.

↓

No.

↓

What's the matter, Mr. Hankey?

hankey matter

↓

Are you sick? - Oh, I've just got

sick

↓

a little cold is all. All these new people

cold

↓

in South Park are stressful on my home.

home park south south-park stressful

↓

- What do you mean? - Well, you see, boys,

boys

↓

the sewer's a fragile ecosystem.

ecosystem fragile sewers

↓

Oh, my God. - These new folks in town

folks town

↓

eat nothing but couscous, tofu, and raw vegetables,

tofu vegetables

↓

and it's destroying my environment.

destroying environment

↓

And that's why you got a cold?

cold

↓

That's why, Kyle. That's why.

kyle

↓

Well, why don't you just ask them to leave?

↓

There's only one time of year I can come to the surface,

surface

↓

and that's Christmastime.

christmastime

↓

That's why I need you boys to go for me.

boys

↓

Don't worry, Mr. Hankey.

hankey worry

↓

We'll go tell everyone. Come on, guys.

↓

Don't forget to change your sheets once a week.

change forget sheets week

↓

So without further ado, we will begin

begin further

↓

this amazing film.

amazing film

↓

It's a work of blood, sweat, and tears.

blood sweat tears

↓

- Wait, stop, could I have your attention, please?

attention

↓

- Is that Leonardo DiCaprio?

↓

Ahh! - No, no, wait, that's not him.

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend Mr. Hankey

best best-friend friend gentlemen hankey ladies

↓

is getting sick because South Park has become

become park sick south south-park

↓

overcrowded with people who eat health food.

food health

↓

Excuse me, little boy. What's a Mr. Hankey?

excuse hankey

↓

- He's a talking piece of poo that lives in the sewer,

lives piece sewer

↓

but now he's getting sick because his ecosystem

ecosystem sick

↓

is all out of whack because of all the extra poo in the sewer.

extra sewer whack

↓

If you don't all leave and go home soon,

home

↓

Mr. Hankey's gonna die.

↓

He's one of my best friends in the whole wide world,

best best-friends friends whole whole-wide whole-wide-world wide wide-world world

↓

and--and I don't want him to die.

↓

What a great story. It has everything.

story

↓

This could be the next "Free Willy."

free willy

↓

Great pitch, son, how much do you want for it?

pitch

↓

Huh? - Does it have to be

↓

a talking piece of poo?

piece

↓

It could be a crime-fighting rabbit or a loveable turtle.

crime fighting rabbit turtle

↓

This could be a great summer movie.

movie summer

↓

Can we put a monkey in it? - "The Mr. Hankey Story."

hankey monkey story

↓

Is Harrison Ford available for a fall pic?

available fall ford harrison harrison-ford

↓

Keanu Reeves. - Matt Damon.

damon matt

↓

- Fred Savage.

fred savage

↓

- I'd pay a million for this story.

million story

↓

I'll pay two. - 2.89!

↓

Dude, no one even listened to me.

listened

↓

You know, it does sound like a pretty sweet movie.

movie sound sweet

↓

I take it you're part owner of this whole

owner part whole

↓

Mr. Hooey story, right? - Huh?

story

↓

Uh, yeah, I guess. - I want you to do a big money

money

↓

deal with me. - All of us?

deal

↓

- Well, I can see that you're the real brains of the group.

brains group real

↓

You don't really need those guys, do you?

↓

Yeah, screw those guys. I don't even like them.

screw

↓

That's great, kid. Let's make a deal.

deal

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all

gentlemen ladies

↓

for making the first annual South Park Film Festival

annual annual-south annual-south-park festival film film-festival park south south-park

↓

a success.

success

↓

We've barely even started, and already the festival

barely festival started

↓

has seen more attendance than last year's Sundance festival.

attendance festival seen sundance years

↓

And I'm very pleased to announce that, in honor

announce honor pleased

↓

of the South Park people who have welcomed us,

park south south-park welcomed

↓

we are going to build a Hollywood Planet restaurant

build hollywood planet restaurant

↓

right here where this library used to stand.

library stand used

↓

Can they do that? - They're Hollywood.

hollywood

↓

They can do anything.

↓

Mr. Hankey?

hankey

↓

Mr. Hankey?

hankey

↓

Mr. Hankey?

hankey

↓

- Oh, Kyle, howdy--

howdy kyle

↓

Well, how did it go?

↓

Is everyone gonna stop pooping in my environment?

environment pooping

↓

- They didn't believe me. They thought I was pitching

believe pitching

↓

a movie. - Oh, I see.

movie

↓

Well, shucks, Kyle. I can't thank you enough

kyle

↓

for trying.

↓

We only have one option-- I've gotta take you

option

↓

to the surface. - I can't.

surface

↓

The sun will dry me out. - It's the only way

↓

to prove to them that you're real.

prove real

↓

But I won't last long up above.

↓

Well, you're not gonna last down here either, Mr. Hankey.

hankey

↓

Now come on, I'm not gonna let you die.

↓

All right, just let me get my toothbrush.

toothbrush

↓

Come on, Stan, we're gonna be late for the screening.

late screening stan

↓

- Geez, they made that into a movie already?

geez movie

↓

Mr. Hankey, I can't go on anymore.

anymore hankey

↓

I've lost the fight.

fight lost

↓

No, I'm not leaving without you.

leaving

↓

- We started this together, and we're gonna

started

↓

finish it together.

finish

↓

I always thought death was something glorious,

death glorious

↓

but now I know that it's not.

↓

It's going over really well.

↓

People are gonna be knocking my door down to get you.

door knocking

↓

Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this?

cast hanks

↓

Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nut sack.

hanks sack

↓

I'll always love you, Mr. Hankey.

hankey love

↓

Oh, my God, I found a penny. - You bastard.

bastard found penny

↓

Okay, Mr. Hankey, we're out.

hankey

↓

How are you doing? - It sure is dry up here.

↓

Don't worry--we'll do this quick, okay?

quick worry

↓

Just hang on, Mr. Hankey, just hang on.

hang hankey

↓

Excuse me, Mr. Film Commissioner,

commissioner excuse film

↓

could I have a word with you? - Make it quick.

quick word

↓

Well, the people of my town are a little upset.

town upset

↓

I don't think we realized what an impact this festival

festival impact realized

↓

would have on our town. - Uh-huh.

town

↓

Right, so, we were actually wondering if we could call

wondering

↓

this whole thing off. - We have contracts.

contracts whole

↓

You try to pull out now, we'll sue your little town

pull town

↓

for every penny it's got, but thanks so much

penny thanks

↓

for the hard work.

hard

↓

But this doesn't make sense to me, Marty, okay?

marty sense

↓

You told me the movie made a lot of money.

money movie

↓

Right, two million, minus your agent's fee,

agents million minus

↓

minus your lawyer's fee, minus my fee,

lawyers minus

↓

and with publicity and taxes taken out,

publicity taken taxes

↓

you get three dollars.

dollars three three-dollars

↓

That's more than most people in your position make.

position

↓

Trust me. - Serves you right, Cartman.

cartman serves trust

↓

You're a sell-out. - I'm not a sell-out!

sell

↓

What's a sell-out? - If you work

sell

↓

in the entertainment business and you make money,

business entertainment money

↓

you're a sell-out. - It's all gone

gone sell

↓

to hell, children, and we're all to blame.

blame children

↓

Even me. I was selling out my town too.

selling town

↓

And now look at it. - So what do we do now?

↓

There's nothing we can do. Just sit here

↓

and suck on my balls. - You guys, we have to hurry!

balls hurry suck

↓

What? - Come on, everything's gonna

everythings

↓

be okay. - Sir, sir!

↓

Not now. - I have to show you something.

↓

I think it will change the way you feel

change

↓

about your impact here. - What's this?

impact

↓

I want you guys to all meet my friend.

friend meet

↓

That's great, kid.

↓

A dried out lump of shit-- very compelling.

compelling dried lump

↓

Okay, folks, let's move. We gotta have that sign

folks sign

↓

done in time for the opening tonight.

opening tonight

↓

- You can't die, Mr. Hankey, you can't.

hankey

↓

Kyle, before I go,

kyle

↓

there's something I must tell you.

must

↓

Come closer.

closer

↓

Closer.

closer

↓

Well, what is it, Mr. Hankey?

hankey

↓

There is another Skywalker.

another skywalker

↓

No! - Wait, Kyle.

kyle

↓

What is it, Mr. Hankey? - Come closer.

closer hankey

↓

What is it? - Closer.

closer

↓

Yes? - Closer!

closer

↓

One time, when you were sleeping,

sleeping

↓

I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture.

friend mouth picture

↓

No!

↓

♪ Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo ♪

christmas hankey

↓

♪ He loved me, I loved you ♪

loved

↓

♪ Therefore, vicariously, he loved you ♪

loved therefore

↓

No! - I'm sorry, son.

↓

Let's get him to ICU.

↓

No, no! - Are you gonna be okay, dude?

↓

I'm here for you. - Hi, Stan, ready to go

ready stan

↓

see another movie? - Okay.

another movie

↓

Say, Tom, do you have any pudding left?

left pudding

↓

I ate all mine up, silly. - Well, then,

silly

↓

now what do we do?

↓

Ew! - Hey!

↓

- Sorry. - Well, why don't we just

↓

explore our sexuality? - Oh, good idea, let's.

explore idea sexuality

↓

Aw, dude, I shouldn't be seeing this.

seeing

↓

Aw, is there a problem,

problem

↓

young man? - No problem, dude.

problem young

↓

I'll never forget you.

forget

↓

You were my best friend after Stan.

best best-friend friend stan

↓

Come on, Kyle, it's time to go.

kyle

↓

Chef, does poo go to heaven?

chef heaven

↓

Well, I kind of hope not.

hope

↓

I mean, sure, it does. Here, I'll give him

↓

one of my salty balls to take with him to poo heaven.

balls heaven salty salty-balls

↓

Come on, let's go.

↓

Kyle.

kyle

↓

Mr. Hankey? - Howdy-ho.

hankey howdy

↓

He's back, he's back! - That was delicious.

delicious

↓

My salty chocolate balls must have rejuvenated him!

balls chocolate must salty

↓

You got the best balls in the whole world, Chef.

balls best chef whole whole-world world

↓

You're damn right.

↓

Step on up, get them here.

step

↓

Mr. Hankey and me t-shirts.

hankey shirts

↓

Get them while they last, folks.

folks

↓

Only $14.95.

↓

I'd like one. - I'll take two.

↓

Selling t-shirts kicks ass.

kicks selling shirts

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce

announce gentlemen ladies pleased

↓

on this gala opening of Hollywood Planet South Park

gala hollywood opening park planet south south-park

↓

that the festival will be back next year

festival

↓

and the year after that and the year after that and so on.

↓

And now release the curtain.

curtain release

↓

I give you Hollywood in South Park!

hollywood park south south-park

↓

Wait, I brought him! I brought him to show you!

brought

↓

- Oh, not this again. - Behold, Mr. Hankey!

behold hankey

↓

- Howdy-ho!

howdy

↓

- Anyway, this new Hollywood Planet

hollywood planet

↓

will be the official meeting place--

meeting official place

↓

- Howdy-ho, folks. I'm afraid my buddy Kyle

afraid buddy folks howdy kyle

↓

was right--there's not enough room in South Park

park room south south-park

↓

to accommodate a festival. - Mr. Poo,

accommodate festival

↓

if you wouldn't mind, we can't hear our chairman.

chairman mind

↓

If you could just turn yourself down.

↓

You're at about seven right now.

seven

↓

We need you at about three, okay?

three

↓

Uh, folks, please, little towns like this simply

folks simply towns

↓

aren't meant for big events.

events meant

↓

We love having visitors, but, golly, too many of you

golly having love visitors

↓

is hurting our ecosystem.

ecosystem hurting

↓

Besides, folks, film festivals shouldn't be about

besides film folks

↓

what celebrities are coming or what film is gonna get shown.

celebrities coming film shown

↓

It should be able people getting together

able

↓

and watching movies and about people who can never

movies watching

↓

get their movies seen having a chance to have it watched,

chance having movies seen watched

↓

if only once.

↓

A good film festival

festival film film-festival

↓

should be something where we all say, "Aw, let's forget

forget

↓

"about lawyers and agents and studios and celebrities.

agents celebrities lawyers studios

↓

"Let's forget all those things

forget

↓

for just a while and just watch some new art."

watch

↓

I have had enough of you!

↓

- No!

↓

Now, as I was saying, this shall usher in

↓

a whole new decade of films.

decade films whole

↓

He's dead! Mr. Hankey's dead!

dead

↓

Well, this worked once before.

worked

↓

Thanks, Chef, your big chocolate balls

balls chef chocolate thanks thanks-chef

↓

are just the trick.

trick

↓

What the hell is he doing? - I don't know.

↓

Wow.

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Oh, it smells, it smells!

smells

↓

Come on, the poo is coming!

coming

↓

I'm trying, damn it!

↓

Ahh!

↓

Let's get out of this town!

town

↓

- Phew.

phew

↓

Gosh, I guess I don't know my own strength.

gosh strength

↓

You did it, Mr. Hankey.

hankey

↓

You got rid of all the film people.

film

↓

Hooray.

hooray

↓

Oh, yeah, now all we have is a town covered in shit.

covered town

↓

This is much better.

↓

I couldn't have done it without you, Kyle.

kyle

↓

Kisses.

kisses

↓

Stan, I'm sorry I dragged you to all those independent films.

dragged films independent independent-films stan

↓

Oh, that's okay, Wendy. I forgive you.

forgive wendy

↓

- Sometimes I forget that even though

forget sometimes

↓

a few independent films are great,

films independent independent-films

↓

most of them suck ass.

suck

↓

Yes, and I've learned something too.

learned

↓

Being a sell-out is sweet because you make

sell sweet

↓

a lot of money, and, when you have money,

money

↓

you don't have to hang out with any poor-ass losers

hang losers poor

↓

like you guys.

↓

Screw you guys--I'm going home.

home screw

↓

♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls ♪

balls chocolate salty salty-balls suck

↓

♪ Put 'em in your mouth, put 'em in your mouth ♪

mouth

↓

♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪

suck