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Home » South Park » S02E05 — Conjoined Fetus Lady

South Park

Season 2, Episode 5 — Conjoined Fetus Lady

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Conjoined Fetus Lady

Air date: June 03, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Kyle is injured and must go to see the school nurse and is terrified because of the stories he's heard. She looks fairly normal, except for the dead fetus sticking out of her head. Kyle's mother educates the boys on her "condition" and decides that everyone in South Park should be made aware. Meanwhile, the South Park Cows dodgeball team goes to the state, national and finally the international finals in China.

Source: TMDB

↓

- Oh, hi, everybody.

everybody

↓

- You just caught Matt and I doing what we love to do most,

caught love matt

↓

entertaining senior citizens at a retirement home.

citizens entertaining home retirement retirement-home senior

↓

Say hi to the "South Park" fans, gang.

fans gang park park-fans south south-park south-park-fans

↓

Say hi to the "South Park" fans, I said!

fans park park-fans south south-park south-park-fans

↓

Hi.

↓

- We're glad you're watching this episode of "South Park,"

episode glad park south south-park watching

↓

because it's our favorite episode.

episode favorite favorite-episode

↓

That's right; it's called "Conjoined Fetus Lady,"

called conjoined fetus lady

↓

and it's all about the kids' exciting

exciting kids

↓

dodgeball tournament in China.

china dodgeball tournament

↓

Trey and I got the idea for this episode when we visited

episode idea trey visited

↓

Beijing, China, together.

china

↓

That's right; we saw the Great Wall,

wall

↓

the Forbidden City, and even Tiananmen Square,

city forbidden square

↓

where Chinese students were killed by soldiers.

chinese killed soldiers students

↓

Here we are reenacting the Tiananmen Square massacre.

massacre reenacting square

↓

- After we got out of jail for reenacting

jail reenacting

↓

the Tiananmen Square massacre, we went back home and thought,

home massacre square

↓

"Wow, China is really stupid. Let's make fun of it."

china fun stupid

↓

So we did.

↓

And this show also has that old "woman who has a twin that

twin woman

↓

died during childbirth attached to her head" joke in it.

attached died head joke

↓

Isn't that funny, gang?

funny gang

↓

Isn't that funny, I said?

funny

↓

Answer him, you pieces of.

answer pieces

↓

- God damn it. - We come and perform

perform

↓

for you, and you sit there like a bunch of corpses.

bunch corpses

↓

- you. - I hate you.

hate

↓

So sit back, relax, and enjoy "Conjoined Fetus Lady."

conjoined enjoy fetus lady relax

↓

- ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

- ♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Okay, children, it's Friday.

children friday

↓

And you know what that means for P.E. class.

class

↓

We're gonna play dodgeball.

dodgeball

↓

We don't want to play dodgeball. It hurts.

dodgeball hurts

↓

Yeah. - So let's have half

half

↓

the children on this side,

children side

↓

and half the children on that side.

children half side

↓

Excuse me a moment, gentlemen.

excuse gentlemen moment

↓

I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball.

believe dodgeball

↓

- What? Don't you have dodgeball in France?

dodgeball france

↓

Well, no, and actually I'm not from France.

france

↓

Look, Pip, the rules are simple.

rules simple

↓

A kid from that team tries to bean a kid on our team

bean team tries

↓

in the head with a big red ball.

ball head

↓

Oh, dear.

dear

↓

If the ball hits you, you're out.

ball hits

↓

But if you catch the ball, he's out.

ball catch

↓

And the last team to still have anybody standing wins.

anybody standing team wins

↓

Oh, what jolly good fun.

fun jolly

↓

No, it isn't, it hurts!

hurts

↓

I can't believe they let us play this in school.

believe school

↓

Play ball!

ball

↓

Ow!

↓

- Damn it, we lost one already!

lost

↓

- You're out, Clyde.

clyde

↓

Jordan, Swanson, pull forward, we need backup.

backup forward jordan pull swanson

↓

We're losing men fast out here.

fast losing

↓

Concentrate on your game. Be the ball.

ball concentrate game

↓

I caught it. I caught it!

caught

↓

Great catch, Kyle. Now your team's on offense.

catch kyle offense teams

↓

Here, Pip, you throw.

throw

↓

Oh, no, I couldn't.

↓

Come on, limey, don't be a wuss.

wuss

↓

Are you gonna be a French pansy your whole life?

french life pansy whole whole-life

↓

I'm not French.

french

↓

Throw the ball, you stupid frog!

ball frog stupid throw

↓

God damn, maybe if you didn't eat all those croissants,

croissants

↓

you'd be able-- Ow!

able

↓

Okay, that was pretty good, Pip.

↓

But you're supposed to hit the kids on the other team.

kids supposed team

↓

Ow, my nose! You broke my nose!

broke nose

↓

- Damn, Pip, I didn't know you had it in you.

↓

Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.

↓

That nose is bleeding pretty bad, Kyle.

bleeding kyle nose

↓

I think you might have to go to the nurse's office.

might nurses nurses-office office

↓

No, no, it'll be okay.

itll

↓

Sorry, son, you'll have to let the nurse look at it.

nurse

↓

Come on. - No! No!

↓

- Dude, he's going to the nurse's office.

nurses nurses-office office

↓

I heard the school nurse is hideously deformed.

deformed heard nurse school

↓

I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch.

children eats heard lunch tentacles

↓

Stan, has anybody actually seen the nurse

anybody nurse seen stan

↓

and come back to tell about it?

↓

No, Cartman, nobody ever has.

cartman nobody

↓

Are you Kyle Broflovski?

broflovski kyle

↓

Yes.

↓

I'm the school nurse.

nurse school

↓

Did you hurt your nose?

hurt nose

↓

Y-yes.

↓

Young man, why do you have your eyes closed?

closed eyes eyes-closed young

↓

I'm not gonna hurt you.

hurt

↓

I know. - So open them.

open

↓

Oh.

↓

Whew.

whew

↓

- Now, what seems to be the problem?

problem seems

↓

I just hit my nose playing dodgeball.

dodgeball nose playing

↓

Oh, well, I'll get you an ice pack.

pack

↓

What?

↓

Oh, I see you've noticed my disorder.

disorder noticed

↓

I have a stillborn fetus growth attached to my head.

attached fetus growth head

↓

And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled.

fetus moved

↓

Ew!

↓

Did it talk?

↓

The little fetus, did it talk? - No, no. It looked dead.

dead fetus looked

↓

Ew!

↓

Was it wearing clothes?

clothes wearing wearing-clothes

↓

Dude, where is she gonna get fetus clothes?

clothes fetus

↓

Oh, yeah. - Ew.

↓

Ew!

↓

And then she walked over-- - Kyle, that is enough!

kyle walked

↓

I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition

condition nurses poor reading

↓

and it is nothing to be made fun of.

fun

↓

It's called "conjoined twin myslexia."

called conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia myslexia twin twin-myslexia

↓

Who the hell cares what it's called,

called cares

↓

as long as she doesn't touch me.

touch

↓

Now, that's just the kind of unawareness

↓

that we need to fight against.

fight

↓

Sit down, boys.

boys

↓

You see, boys, sometimes when babies are born,

babies born boys sometimes

↓

they're born as twins.

born twins

↓

But sometimes the twins get hooked together

hooked sometimes twins

↓

and they're born as Siamese twins.

born siamese twins

↓

Gross!

gross

↓

But sometimes,

sometimes

↓

after the Siamese twins are joined together,

joined siamese twins

↓

one of the twins dies before birth.

birth dies twins

↓

The living baby is born with the dead baby still attached.

attached baby born dead living

↓

Sometimes this dead twin is inside the living person,

dead living person sometimes twin

↓

so even you could have a dead twin inside you

dead twin

↓

and not even know it.

↓

So now that you're educated about her disease,

disease

↓

you won't need to make fun of her, right, booby?

booby fun

↓

Uh, yeah.

↓

Can you imagine that poor, poor woman?

imagine poor poor-woman woman

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

- Feeling like an outcast, being ridiculed every day.

feeling outcast

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

Hello?

↓

Hello, Sheila, it's Sharon, Stan's mother.

mother sharon sheila stans

↓

Oh, yes, hello, Sharon.

sharon

↓

Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know

might sheila wondering

↓

why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick.

head open pick split

↓

No, I have to get it out!

↓

Well, Sharon, I was trying to educate them

sharon

↓

about conjoined twin myslexia.

conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia myslexia twin twin-myslexia

↓

So this is your fault. - Okay--oh--damn it!

fault

↓

Would you do me a favor?

favor

↓

Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child,

child scare

↓

just go outside and sit in the road

road

↓

till a truck runs you over instead.

runs till truck

↓

That does it!

↓

I must educate the entire town about this awful disease!

awful disease entire must town

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

Dude, I don't get it.

↓

Why are we playing dodgeball again?

dodgeball playing

↓

Yeah, I thought we only play it on Fridays.

fridays

↓

Children, great news!

children news

↓

We've been asked to play in the state finals for dodgeball.

asked dodgeball finals state state-finals

↓

Aw, do we have to?

↓

Can't we play with that big parachute again or something?

parachute

↓

You don't understand, children,

children

↓

if we can win state,

state

↓

we can play in the nationals in Washington D.C.

nationals washington

↓

Hey, they have a zoo there!

↓

That's right. Now, come on,

↓

we have a lot of practicing to do.

practicing

↓

- Aren't we supposed to have won something

supposed

↓

in order to go to state finals?

finals order state state-finals

↓

Hey, Pip, you want to be on my team again?

team

↓

I'd love to!

love

↓

Yeah, just try not to send anybody

anybody send

↓

to that monster nurse this time, Frenchy.

frenchy monster nurse

↓

- Hey, I get quite disturbed when you call me that!

disturbed

↓

You shouldn't make fun of foreigners.

foreigners fun

↓

And besides, I hate French people.

besides french hate

↓

Well, Mrs. Broflovski, it certainly is a thrill

broflovski certainly thrill

↓

seeing your cheery face again.

cheery face seeing

↓

What seems to be pissing you off today?

pissing seems today

↓

Nothing is pissing me off.

pissing

↓

I just want to start a movement!

movement start

↓

Of course you do.

course

↓

I want to talk to you all about your school nurse.

nurse school

↓

Nurse Gollum is absolutely qualified to be a--

absolutely gollum nurse nurse-gollum qualified

↓

No, no, no, I'm not upset about her.

upset

↓

I want to make the public aware of her.

aware public

↓

Her disease should be brought to light

brought disease light

↓

so that it could be understood rather than made fun of.

fun understood

↓

Ooh, and, uh, what disease is that?

disease

↓

Principal Victoria,

principal principal-victoria victoria

↓

Nurse Gollum has conjoined twin myslexia.

conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia gollum myslexia nurse nurse-gollum twin twin-myslexia

↓

What's that?

↓

- She has a dead fetus attached to her head.

attached dead dead-fetus fetus head

↓

She does?

↓

You, uh--you never noticed that?

noticed

↓

No, I never did.

↓

Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

↓

This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows

forced live poor poor-woman shadows woman

↓

because she feels like an outcast.

feels outcast

↓

It is up to us to make her feel comfortable

comfortable

↓

and welcome in our town.

town welcome

↓

Did you say a fetus sticking out from her head?

fetus head sticking

↓

I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party

dinner dinner-party invite nurse party

↓

at my house this evening.

evening house

↓

I'd appreciate it if both you and Mr. Mackey would attend.

appreciate attend mackey

↓

Do we have to eat kosher stuff?

kosher stuff

↓

Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum,

gollum nurse nurse-gollum

↓

but I'm sure she'll be delighted.

delighted shell

↓

Let's say around 8:00?

↓

Wonderful.

↓

Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head?

fetus head

↓

Okay, children,

children

↓

now who's gonna win the state finals?

finals state state-finals

↓

Denver?

denver

↓

♪ Here we go, Cows, here we go, uh, uh ♪

cows

↓

♪ Here we go Cows, here we go ♪

cows

↓

♪ Uh, uh ♪

↓

I think we need to get off on this exit.

exit

↓

Sit down, kid!

↓

But it's quicker to get to the Denver school that way.

denver quicker school

↓

Do you want an office referral?

office

↓

How many times do I have to explain this to you?

explain times

↓

I'm not a student.

student

↓

You can't give me an office referral.

office

↓

I said, sit down!

↓

Yes, ma'am.

maam

↓

Whoa, dude, this is a school?

school whoa

↓

Hello there. I'm Bob Thomas,

thomas

↓

the coach for the Denver Cougars.

coach denver

↓

I'm Chef, coach of the South Park Cows.

chef coach cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

Well, I certainly want to thank you

certainly

↓

for bringing your team down.

bringing team

↓

Apparently nobody else would play us

apparently nobody

↓

because they knew we'd just beat them silly.

beat silly

↓

So I told the school board

board school school-board

↓

to find me some hick school from the mountains,

hick mountains school

↓

and here you are.

↓

You're from South Park, yeah?

park south south-park

↓

Yeah.

↓

My God, amazing where people can live nowadays.

amazing live nowadays

↓

Well, we might as well get this over with,

might

↓

we got to start thinking about D.C.

start start-thinking thinking

↓

Promise we won't make it too painful.

painful promise

↓

- Play ball!

ball

↓

So where did you get your degree, Nurse Gollum?

degree gollum nurse nurse-gollum

↓

Colorado State.

colorado state

↓

Oh!

↓

Sheila, could you pass me the dead fetus?

dead dead-fetus fetus pass sheila

↓

I mean, gravy.

gravy

↓

Ow!

↓

Damn it, come on!

↓

Somebody catch the ball!

ball catch somebody

↓

All right, boys, just five more

boys five

↓

of the little bastards to go!

bastards

↓

I caught it. I caught it!

caught

↓

Aw, that's not fair.

fair

↓

He's so fat, it stuck in his belly.

belly stuck

↓

South Park on offense!

offense park south south-park

↓

Great job, children, just stay focused now.

children focused

↓

Go for it, Pip.

↓

Oh, bother.

bother

↓

Come on, you Frenchy little frog!

frenchy frog

↓

Whoa, great shot, Pip!

shot whoa

↓

So I hear that the South Park Cows

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

are playing for the state finals in dodgeball tonight.

dodgeball finals playing state state-finals tonight

↓

Yeah, but, you know, it doesn't matter, though.

matter

↓

The Denver team always wins, okay.

denver team wins

↓

Oh, I don't know.

↓

I think our boys might just have the dead fetus to win.

boys boys-might dead dead-fetus fetus might

↓

Heart!

heart

↓

Gerald, keep your damn mouth shut!

gerald mouth

↓

It's okay, Ms. Broflovski, really.

broflovski

↓

- Please forgive us.

forgive

↓

I'm terribly sorry, Nurse Gollum.

gollum nurse nurse-gollum terribly

↓

No, I'm quite secure with it.

secure

↓

- I have felt so bad

↓

ever since I heard the boys making fun of you.

boys fun heard

↓

They're just young boys.

boys young

↓

Joking is a way for them to come to terms

joking terms

↓

with what they don't understand.

↓

Could I get some more pork?

pork

↓

So did you ever think of just, you know,

↓

having it cut off?

having

↓

Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occurred to me.

occurred principal principal-victoria victoria

↓

Unfortunately, it would mean my death.

death unfortunately

↓

Oh, so I suppose that's out.

suppose

↓

How about a hat, then?

↓

No, really--

↓

Yes, we could get you a few hats,

hats

↓

and wear a different one every day--no big whoop.

wear whoop

↓

I really appreciate what you're trying to do here,

appreciate

↓

but it's not necessary.

necessary

↓

I'm a pretty happy person.

happy person

↓

I've got it!

↓

We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware

aside aware public week whole whole-week

↓

of folks just like you!

folks

↓

Oh, yes.

↓

A conjoined twin myslexia awareness week.

awareness conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia myslexia twin twin-myslexia week

↓

You know, that has a nice ring.

ring

↓

But I don't think--

↓

The school could put out pamphlets, okay.

pamphlets school

↓

And we could have seminars to educate, okay.

seminars

↓

Oh, this is so exciting!

exciting

↓

I'm gonna get the mayor on the phone right now!

mayor phone

↓

You got just one more, Pip.

↓

You get this kid, and we are state champions.

champions state

↓

Yeah, and if you don't,

↓

you're a big dumb-ass European hippie piece of crap!

dumb european hippie piece

↓

Get him, Frenchy.

frenchy

↓

South Park wins!

park south south-park wins

↓

We did it, children! We did it.

children

↓

We're going to Washington D.C.!

washington

↓

Owee, it hurts.

hurts

↓

Owee!

↓

Mommy, it hurts, it hurts!

hurts mommy

↓

Oh, sorry about whupping your ass there, Coach!

coach

↓

♪ Ooh, baby, come on, just whupped in the ass ♪

baby

↓

♪ Gonna need some cream for your ass ♪

cream

↓

♪ It's all swollen and red ♪

swollen

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

this is indeed a great week for South Park.

indeed park south south-park week

↓

Miss Hermans has opened the east wing of the library,

east east-wing library miss opened wing

↓

and our own South Park Cows elementary school dodgeball team

cows dodgeball elementary elementary-school park park-cows school south south-park south-park-cows team

↓

is going to the national finals!

finals national

↓

Where they will undoubtedly be beaten senseless

beaten senseless

↓

by the Washington team.

team washington

↓

But most importantly, this week has brought to my attention

attention brought importantly week

↓

a very serious and dreaded disease,

disease serious

↓

conjoined twin myslexia.

conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia myslexia twin twin-myslexia

↓

And so it is in honor of this

honor

↓

that I declare this exciting week

declare exciting week

↓

as conjoined twin myslexia week!

conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia myslexia twin twin-myslexia week

↓

And now let's kick off our week-long festivities

festivities kick week

↓

with the first annual grand conjoined parade!

annual conjoined grand parade

↓

Let's hear it for these brave souls!

brave souls

↓

What a glorious parade that was.

glorious parade

↓

Let's hear it for the parade coordinators!

parade

↓

You know, Mayor, I really should be

mayor

↓

accompanying those kids to Washington

kids washington

↓

in case they get hurt.

case hurt

↓

That is my job.

↓

Nonsense, this is your week. You aren't going anywhere.

nonsense week

↓

- How much further is Washington D.C.?

further washington

↓

Sit down, kid!

↓

- I need to know how far it is, lady.

lady

↓

I said, sit down!

↓

Yeah, whatever, you old, dried up fat hog.

dried

↓

What did you say?

↓

I said I've always wanted to visit Prague.

visit wanted

↓

Oh, me too.

↓

Okay, what have you got?

↓

Some Hadka fish, some Gafagga...

fish

↓

I got a jelly roll. I got a jelly roll!

jelly roll

↓

Sweet, jelly roll's perfect.

jelly perfect rolls sweet

↓

Places.

places

↓

Damn, man, this is the big time, all right.

↓

Chef, we're hungry.

chef hungry

↓

You can eat after the game.

game

↓

You children win this one and you're national champions.

champions children national

↓

Then you can go on and play the Chinese.

chinese

↓

My mom says there's a lot of black people in China.

black china

↓

What?

↓

Are you Chef?

chef

↓

Yeah.

↓

The Washington team has forfeited the game.

game team washington

↓

Congratulations, you're national champions.

champions congratulations national

↓

What?

↓

We did it! Children, we won!

children

↓

Wow, that was easy.

easy

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a round of applause

applause gentlemen ladies round

↓

for the new national champions of dodgeball,

champions dodgeball national

↓

the South Park Cows!

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

Hey, why did you guys forfeit?

forfeit

↓

You mean you don't know? - Know what?

↓

Last year's national champions

champions national years

↓

were the Austin Pirates.

pirates

↓

They played China for the world championship;

championship china played world

↓

only four of them came back alive.

alive four

↓

Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us.

chinese dodgeball players

↓

They do nothing but dodgeball, day in and day out.

dodgeball

↓

They use steroids and advanced training equipment

advanced equipment steroids training

↓

to make them not kids, but animals.

animals kids

↓

Well, good luck, we've got our futures to think about.

futures luck

↓

Okay, children, back in the bus.

children

↓

And so, at this honorary dinner,

dinner honorary

↓

we take a look back at our beloved Nurse Gollum

beloved gollum nurse nurse-gollum

↓

and the brave life she has lived.

brave life lived

↓

Roll the tape please, Mr. Garrison.

garrison roll tape

↓

Oh, no.

↓

♪ You've got the strength, you've got the courage ♪

courage strength

↓

♪ Even with a dead fetus on your head ♪

dead dead-fetus fetus head

↓

♪ You carry on ♪

carry

↓

♪ You fight for tomorrow ♪

fight tomorrow

↓

♪ Dead fetus, no, you never let go ♪

dead dead-fetus fetus

↓

♪ You're my conjoined twin dead thing ♪

conjoined conjoined-twin dead twin

↓

♪ Hanging off your head, woman ♪

hanging head woman

↓

Oh, that was so touching!

touching

↓

And now, friends, it's time to present

friends present

↓

the lifetime conjoined twin achievement award.

achievement award conjoined conjoined-twin lifetime twin

↓

This award goes to outstanding conjoined twins

award conjoined outstanding twins

↓

who have made a mark on society.

mark society

↓

And the winner is...

winner

↓

Nurse Gollum.

gollum nurse nurse-gollum

↓

Nurse Gollum!

gollum nurse nurse-gollum

↓

Oh, boy.

↓

Excuse me, Mayor, but I just received some news

excuse mayor news received

↓

that you might all be interested in.

interested might

↓

Our South Park cows have just beaten

beaten cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

the Washington dodgeball team and are on their way to

dodgeball team washington

↓

the world championship in China.

championship china world

↓

Okay, children, now we're almost to China.

children china

↓

I want you all to try and focus on your game.

focus game

↓

But, Chef, we don't want to play the Chinese.

chef chinese

↓

Nonsense! If we win this one, we're world champions.

champions nonsense world

↓

But we could get killed!

killed

↓

And just what price would you pay for eternal glory?

eternal glory price

↓

Just imagine a big yellow dodgeball champion's banner

banner champions dodgeball imagine yellow

↓

hanging in the cafeteria-- imagine it.

cafeteria hanging imagine

↓

Dude, chef has lost it.

chef lost

↓

You'll be on the news all over the world.

news world

↓

South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at.

finally park south south-park sport

↓

Oh, children, it'll be glorious.

children glorious itll

↓

Sure, Captain Ahab has to get his way, huh?

captain

↓

Dude, what does that mean?

↓

I don't know.

↓

Hey, isn't that kid Kevin Chinese?

chinese kevin

↓

Yeah, you're from China.

china

↓

No, I'm from America. My parents are Chinese.

america chinese parents

↓

Tell us how the Chinese play dodgeball.

chinese dodgeball

↓

I have no idea, dude.

idea

↓

Come on, rice picker!

rice

↓

Hey, hey, hey! Children, that's not cool.

children cool

↓

You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity.

ethnicity fun somebody

↓

You don't?

↓

But, Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people.

chef chinese ripped

↓

No, no, no, no, that's different.

↓

I made fun of them because they are from China.

china fun

↓

You see, it's not okay to make fun of an American

american fun

↓

because they are black, brown, or whatever.

black brown

↓

But it is okay to make fun of foreigners

foreigners fun

↓

because they're from another country.

another country

↓

Oh!

↓

All right. - Yeah.

↓

It is with great pride that we welcome our American friend.

american friend pride welcome

↓

Now let the champion of dodgeball be decide!

champion decide dodgeball

↓

Damn, dude, China is up.

china

↓

Take places!

places

↓

- All right, let's go, Cows!

cows

↓

Let's show them what we got!

↓

Okay, Tom,

↓

looks like Americans are getting ready to play.

americans ready

↓

I don't suppose they'll have problems seeing the ball

ball problems seeing suppose

↓

with their big American eyes.

american eyes

↓

Yeah, good thing they have those big eyes,

eyes

↓

so that they don't have to rely on that

rely

↓

amazing American intellect.

amazing american intellect

↓

You say such things. - That's a zinger.

zinger

↓

Play ball!

ball

↓

Ah!

↓

Holy crap.

holy

↓

Ooh!

↓

God damn!

↓

Hey, hey, what you call white American person

american person white

↓

with a PhD in physics and math?

math physics

↓

I don't know, what?

↓

Stupid American!

american stupid

↓

Oh, boy!

↓

Another American is down!

american another

↓

It's number--

number

↓

I don't know. All American look alike!

alike american

↓

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards.

bastards

↓

Oh, my,

↓

I haven't seen an American die like that

american seen

↓

since Abraham Lincoln!

abraham abraham-lincoln lincoln

↓

Dude, that is not cool.

cool

↓

You're gonna get us into trouble again.

trouble

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

on this fourth day of Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week,

conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia fourth myslexia twin twin-myslexia week

↓

all our prayers are with our little South Park Cows,

cows park park-cows prayers south south-park south-park-cows

↓

now playing their hearts out in China.

china hearts playing

↓

Now join me in saluting our Cows

cows join

↓

and help make Nurse Gollum not feel like an outcast

gollum nurse nurse-gollum outcast

↓

with our first official conjoined twin myslexia hats!

conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia hats myslexia official twin twin-myslexia

↓

And there is only one South Park player left!

left park player south south-park

↓

Still all Chinese player!

chinese player

↓

This should be over very shortly!

shortly

↓

Come on! Throw ball!

ball throw

↓

Hey, you want to hear my impersonation of American?

american impersonation

↓

Yeah, yeah.

↓

Okay.

↓

Hey, I really, really want that.

↓

That looks good.

↓

Hey, hey, let me try, let me try.

↓

I'll use my credit card.

card credit credit-card

↓

Do you have any non-dairy creamer?

dairy

↓

Y'all come back now, hear?

yall

↓

Oh, what have I done?

↓

You know, Eric, I just realized something.

eric realized

↓

I've been obsessed, and obsession isn't good.

obsessed obsession

↓

If we had won the world championship, what then?

championship world

↓

It would only be a bigger let down the next year

bigger

↓

if we didn't win.

↓

Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball.

dodgeball lives

↓

Our lives were fine before.

lives

↓

Oh, I'm sorry children. I let it all go to my head.

children head

↓

Can you ever forgive me?

forgive

↓

Come on, forget this stupid game. Let's go home.

forget game home stupid stupid-game

↓

Come on, throw ball!

ball throw

↓

Hey, if you want to make him throw the ball say this...

ball throw

↓

Thanks, you American dumb-ass!

american dumb thanks

↓

"You French piece of crap,

french piece

↓

"throw ball!

ball throw

↓

"What's the matter, Frenchy?

frenchy matter

↓

You got crepes in your ears?"

crepes ears

↓

And the winner is South Park Cows!

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows winner

↓

Everyone, everyone, look, I won the game!

game

↓

We're world champions.

champions world

↓

Mr. Chef, Mr. Chef,

chef

↓

South Park is the world champion in dodgeball!

champion dodgeball park south south-park world

↓

Oh, glorious day!

glorious

↓

Shut up, Pip.

↓

Yeah, shut up, Pip. Can we go home now?

home

↓

Did you all see?

↓

I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm.

ball believe threw

↓

Shut up, Pip!

↓

As this year's Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week

awareness conjoined conjoined-twin conjoined-twin-myslexia myslexia twin twin-myslexia week years

↓

draws to a close,

close draws

↓

I would like to personally thank all of you

personally

↓

for your enthusiastic cooperation.

cooperation

↓

Now let's hear it one more time

↓

for our world champion South Park Cows!

champion cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows world

↓

What the hell is everyone wearing on their heads?

heads wearing

↓

And now let's hear from the woman of the week.

week woman

↓

The incredible, courageous Nurse Gollum!

courageous gollum incredible nurse nurse-gollum

↓

Ah! - Dude, it's the freak nurse!

freak nurse

↓

Holy crap!

holy

↓

Damn it, Kyle.

kyle

↓

We've been working all week against that kind of behavior.

behavior week working

↓

Sorry, dude, we weren't here.

↓

Thank you, Mayor, I don't know what to say.

mayor

↓

This has been quite a week.

week

↓

She's really touched.

touched

↓

What I really want to say is,

↓

well, this may sound odd

sound

↓

coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head,

coming fetus head sticking woman

↓

but, you're all a bunch of freaks!

bunch freaks

↓

Uh, freaks with big hearts!

freaks hearts

↓

And now--

↓

- Don't you realize that the last thing I ever wanted

realize wanted

↓

was to be singled out?

singled

↓

I just wanted to do my job and live my life

life live wanted

↓

like any normal person,

normal normal-person person

↓

but instead you've made everybody focus

everybody focus

↓

on my handicap all week long!

handicap week

↓

Look, I don't want to be treated different.

treated

↓

I don't want to be treated special or treated gingerly.

special treated

↓

I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of,

fun

↓

like all the rest of you do to each other.

rest

↓

And take those stupid things off your heads!

heads stupid

↓

Oh, my, what an ungrateful bitch.

bitch ungrateful

↓

Yeah, the nerve of some people.

nerve

↓

Hey, you know that nurse is actually pretty cool.

cool nurse

↓

Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter.

dead dead-fetus fetus makes smarter

↓

I love you guys.

love

↓

Screw you guys.

screw

↓

♪ Carry on ♪

carry

↓

♪ Dead fetus, no, you never let go ♪

dead dead-fetus fetus

↓

♪ You're my conjoined twin dead thing ♪

conjoined conjoined-twin dead twin

↓

♪ Hanging off your head, woman ♪

hanging head woman