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Home » South Park » S02E04 — Chickenlover

South Park

Season 2, Episode 4 — Chickenlover

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Chickenlover

Air date: May 27, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

The Booktastic bus is in town and soon everyone finds out that Officer Barbrady can't read. He is whisked off to school with the boys so he can save his job. While he's there someone in South Park is having sex with the town's chickens and only Officer Barbrady with his new deputies Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman can stop them!

Source: TMDB

↓

- ♪ Let's raise the roof, whoo-whoo ♪

raise roof whoo whoo-whoo

↓

♪ Let's raise the roof ♪

raise roof

↓

♪ Whoo-whoo-whoo ♪

whoo whoo-whoo

↓

♪ Raise the roof, whoo-whoo ♪

raise roof whoo whoo-whoo

↓

♪ Yeah, boy, yeah, boy ♪

↓

♪ Say oh ♪

↓

♪ Oh ♪

↓

- ♪ Say oh oh ♪

↓

♪ Oh oh ♪

↓

- ♪ Say uh uh uh ♪

↓

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

↓

♪ Whoo ♪

whoo

↓

Oh, you're back already.

↓

Wasn't that episode a hoot and a holler?

episode holler hoot

↓

This next episode is called "Ike's Wee Wee,"

called episode ikes

↓

and it's all about the courage of one man in facing

courage facing

↓

his bitter addiction and coming to terms with life

addiction bitter coming life terms

↓

before he loses everything he loves.

loses loves

↓

And Ike's wee wee.

ikes

↓

Right.

↓

I have to go to the bathroom.

bathroom

↓

What did I say?

↓

I said calm down, or I'm gonna be forced to use ninja star.

calm forced ninja star

↓

Anyway, this episode also deals with the very important

deals episode

↓

subject matter of circumcision.

circumcision matter subject

↓

That's when they take a knife and cut a slit

knife slit

↓

right down the middle of your penis

middle penis

↓

slicing it into two halves, and then they take the two

↓

halves and tie them in a little bow.

↓

No, they don't.

↓

Huh?

↓

Dude, that's not what they do.

↓

Is that what they did to you?

↓

Well...well, yeah, that's what they do to everybody,

everybody

↓

isn't it?

↓

No.

↓

Dude, now I know why that Sally chick calls you the pretzel.

calls chick pretzel sally

↓

Shut up!

↓

- Well, anyway, this episode is certainly gonna--

certainly episode

↓

I have to go to.

↓

God damn it! Will you just give us two minutes?

minutes

↓

I can't wait two minutes. - That's it.

minutes

↓

Ninja star!

ninja star

↓

Ahh.

↓

Well, anyway, sit back, relax, and enjoy "Ike's Wee Wee."

enjoy ikes relax

↓

♪ Raise the roof, whoo-whoo ♪

raise roof whoo whoo-whoo

↓

♪ Raise the roof, say whoo-whoo-whoo ♪

raise roof whoo whoo-whoo

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Okay, children, let's take our seats.

children seats

↓

This morning we're gonna have a special lecture

lecture morning special

↓

from your school counselor, Mr. Mackey.

counselor mackey school school-counselor

↓

Boo.

↓

Now, who was that?

↓

That is not appropriate behavior, okay.

appropriate behavior

↓

I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey, okay.

mackey

↓

That's okay, just don't let it happen again.

happen

↓

We won't let it happen again, Mr. Mackey, okay.

happen mackey

↓

Okay, okay, that's fine.

↓

Okay.

↓

Okay.

↓

Now, as your counselor,

counselor

↓

I'm here to tell you about drugs and alcohol

alcohol drugs

↓

and why they're bad, okay.

↓

So first of all, smoking's bad.

↓

You shouldn't smoke, and, uh, alcohol is bad.

alcohol smoke

↓

You shouldn't drink alcohol,

alcohol drink drink-alcohol

↓

and as for drugs, well, drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

You shouldn't do drugs.

drugs

↓

Okay, now that about wraps up my introduction.

introduction wraps

↓

Now, are there any questions?

questions

↓

Yes, Stan.

stan

↓

- Why do dogs have cold noses?

cold dogs noses

↓

Uh, well, I'm not sure.

↓

Oh.

↓

Now, let's focus our discussion first

discussion focus

↓

on "mari-ju-wana."

mari wana

↓

Mari-ju-wana's bad

mari

↓

and it also has a very distinct smell, okay.

smell

↓

I'm gonna pass around just a little tiny bit,

pass tiny

↓

and I want you all to take a smell

smell

↓

so you know when someone

↓

is smoking mari-ju-wana near you.

mari near smoking wana

↓

Okay, just take a smell, pass it on,

pass smell

↓

and when it gets back up to me,

↓

we'll finish talking about it.

finish

↓

In the meantime,

meantime

↓

I want to get into alcohol a little, okay.

alcohol

↓

Alcohol is bad.

alcohol

↓

If you drink alcohol...

alcohol drink drink-alcohol

↓

Hey, are you guys gonna come to Ike's party this weekend?

ikes party weekend

↓

Your little brother's having a party?

brothers having party

↓

Why, is it his birthday?

birthday

↓

No, it's his bris.

bris

↓

What the hell is a bris?

bris

↓

I don't know,

↓

but there's gonna be lots of food and a band.

band food lots

↓

Oh, kick ass. I want to have a bris.

bris kick

↓

And so, that's why alcohol is bad.

alcohol

↓

Has that mari-ju-wana made it back up here yet?

mari wana

↓

No? Okay.

↓

Let's talk about LSD.

↓

Children, LSD is bad.

children

↓

It's a drug made famous

drug famous

↓

by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

john mccartney paul

↓

Hey, are we supposed to get

supposed

↓

your little brother presents for a bris?

bris brother presents

↓

Uh, I'm not sure.

↓

Well, dude, you better find out.

↓

Boys, are you paying attention?

attention boys paying paying-attention

↓

Sorry, Mr. Mackey, okay.

mackey

↓

Okay.

↓

Now, children, has that mari-ju-wana

children mari wana

↓

made it around yet?

↓

Uh, who--who has the "mari-ju-wana" now?

mari wana

↓

Oh-oh--okay, whoever has the mari-ju-wana,

mari wana

↓

just pass it up to the front row, okay.

front pass

↓

Uh, oh.

↓

I am very disappointed in you, young man.

disappointed young

↓

You should be ashamed of yourself.

ashamed

↓

What could have possessed you to be so stupid?

possessed stupid

↓

I'm sorry, Principal Victoria.

principal principal-victoria victoria

↓

Well, sorry isn't going to

↓

cut the cheese this time, Mister.

cheese mister

↓

I'm afraid I'm going to have to suspend you from school.

afraid school

↓

You mean I'm fired?

fired

↓

Well, I guess that's the grown-up way to put it, yes.

grown

↓

But--but it was an honest error of judgment, okay.

error honest judgment

↓

I really thought it was important for the kids to know

kids

↓

the smell of mari-ju-wana.

mari smell wana

↓

It was an error of judgment, Mr. Mackey,

error judgment mackey

↓

but I'm afraid I have to let you go for it.

afraid

↓

We searched each one of those kids, but came up empty.

empty kids searched

↓

We had to let them go home,

home

↓

and one of them now has half of a lid of Jamaican grass

grass half jamaican

↓

because of you!

↓

How--how am I gonna make ends meet?

ends ends-meet meet

↓

Okay.

↓

What--what will I do for money?

money

↓

There, there, now,

↓

maybe this will all blow over someday

blow someday

↓

and we can give you a job as a janitor,

janitor

↓

cleaning up vomit with that pink sawdust stuff.

cleaning pink stuff vomit

↓

Okay.

↓

Aah!

↓

Man, that sucked getting searched.

searched sucked

↓

Yeah, my ass is killing me.

killing

↓

Why did they search us?

search

↓

That mari-ju-wana never even made it to us.

mari wana

↓

I wonder who took it.

wonder

↓

And now it's almost time for Bobo's...

↓

Hello there, children.

children

↓

Hey, Chef.

chef

↓

How's it going?

↓

Bad. - Why bad?

↓

- Children, I heard about what happened at school today.

children happened heard school school-today today

↓

Now, none of you took that nasty marijuana, did you?

marijuana nasty

↓

- No, dude, we never even saw it.

↓

- Okay, because I just want to tell you

↓

that drugs are bad!

drugs

↓

We know, we know. That's what everybody says.

everybody

↓

Right.

↓

But do you know why they're bad?

↓

Because they're an addictive solution to a greater problem

addictive greater problem solution

↓

causing disease of both body and mind with consequences

body causing consequences disease mind

↓

far outweighing their supposed benefits.

benefits supposed

↓

And do you have any idea what that means?

idea

↓

No.

↓

I know, drugs are bad because if you do drugs,

drugs

↓

you're a hippie, and hippies suck.

hippie hippies suck

↓

Look, children, this is all I'm gonna say about drugs:

children drugs

↓

stay away from them!

↓

There's a time and a place for everything,

place

↓

and it's called "college."

called college

↓

Do you understand?

↓

Dude.

↓

Okay.

↓

Hey, are you gonna come to Ike's bris this weekend?

bris ikes weekend

↓

Oh, hell no, I can't bear to see that.

bear

↓

What do you mean?

↓

Don't you boys know what a bris is?

boys bris

↓

They're going to circumcise him.

↓

What's that?

↓

Oh, boy, here we go again.

↓

Children, uh...

children

↓

what's the one thing that's more sacred to a man

sacred

↓

than anything else in the world?

world

↓

Uh...bicycles?

↓

Ham?

↓

No, not ham, you fat.

↓

Screw you! It's ham, isn't it?

screw

↓

No, no, no, children.

children

↓

I'm talking about the most important part of a man's body.

body mans part

↓

Your heart? - Your eyes.

eyes heart

↓

Oh!

↓

That's right.

↓

Hey! My mom says you're not supposed

supposed

↓

to call it a "penis," Kenny!

kenny penis

↓

You're supposed to call it a "fireman."

fireman supposed

↓

- A "fireman"?

fireman

↓

- That's the proper way to say it,

proper

↓

or else you get a spanking.

spanking

↓

- Damn it, children.

children

↓

Why do I always have to be the one

↓

to explain all this stuff to you?

explain stuff

↓

Ask your parents for once. - Hey, wait!

parents

↓

Dude, something tells me this bris thing isn't good.

bris tells

↓

Hey, Mackey, you got any more pot?

mackey

↓

My four-year-old needs a fix.

four needs

↓

- Hey, Mackey!

mackey

↓

Now we see what you and Homer Simpson have in common:

common simpson

↓

"dope"!

dope

↓

Hey, Mackey!

mackey

↓

Who do you think you are?

↓

Hey, hippie, you gonna do some drugs?

drugs hippie

↓

I don't think I've seen you around here before.

seen

↓

No, I just-- I had to get away, okay.

↓

I just lost my job.

lost

↓

Oh, that's weak, man.

weak

↓

You know what you need?

↓

You need a good stiff drink.

drink stiff

↓

Oh, I-I-I don't drink, okay?

drink

↓

Trust me, man, it'll make you feel better.

itll trust

↓

Drinking's bad.

↓

Go ahead, drink the beer.

ahead beer drink go-ahead

↓

It'll calm you down.

calm itll

↓

Yeah, why the hell not?

↓

It's just a beer.

beer

↓

Don't be such a pussy, okay.

pussy

↓

So how do you feel?

↓

Oh, about the same.

↓

Oh, you just need something a little stronger.

stronger

↓

Kyle, you have to stop them.

kyle

↓

Stop who?

↓

Dude, I found out what a bris is.

bris found

↓

I found out what they're gonna do to Ike.

found

↓

What?

↓

They're gonna chop off his wee-wee.

chop

↓

Chop of his wee-wee! Are you sure?

chop

↓

Yeah, dude, it's a Jewish tradition.

jewish tradition

↓

It's called a "circum-stision."

called

↓

Dude, that is not cool!

cool

↓

Chopping off wee-wees is not cool!

chopping cool

↓

That can't be true.

↓

My parents wouldn't do that.

parents

↓

Dude, I asked five different people.

asked five

↓

They said all Jewish boys have "circum-stisions"

boys jewish

↓

and they make it into a party called a bris.

bris called party

↓

Dude, you don't just chop off somebody's fireman.

chop fireman somebodys

↓

I won't believe it. I won't!

believe

↓

I have to ask my mom and dad!

↓

♪ We are young, okay ♪

young

↓

♪ Heartache to heartache ♪

↓

♪ We stand, okay ♪

stand

↓

♪ No promises, no demands, mands, mands, okay ♪

demands promises

↓

Uh...

↓

Is this my house?

house

↓

Your key ain't gonna work, Mackey.

aint mackey

↓

I changed the locks!

changed locks

↓

Why, Mr. Freely?

freely

↓

I'm not renting to you anymore!

anymore renting

↓

I heard that you got fired from your job

fired heard

↓

for selling drugs to children.

children drugs selling selling-drugs

↓

No, no, no, okay. It wasn't like that.

↓

Drugs are an illegal narcotic,

drugs illegal

↓

and having never taken drugs,

drugs having taken

↓

I can say that they have nothing to offer.

offer

↓

But I've never taken drugs, either.

drugs taken

↓

I've never taken drugs, and look at me,

drugs taken

↓

I'm totally fine.

↓

Now, get off my property

property

↓

before I lose control and kill you!

control kill lose lose-control

↓

Ow! Okay?

↓

Drug user!

drug user

↓

Drug user! Come back here!

drug user

↓

Just a little higher.

higher

↓

Mom, Dad!

↓

Oh, hi, boobala.

↓

I'm glad you're here.

glad

↓

You can help us decorate for the party.

decorate party

↓

Your mother's made GaHekgafuga.

mothers

↓

What the hell is GaHekgafuga?

↓

Mom, Dad, what exactly is this party for?

party

↓

To celebrate your little brother's passage into life.

brothers celebrate life passage

↓

Meaning what?

meaning

↓

Meaning we're going to circumcise him.

meaning

↓

They are gonna cut off his fireman.

fireman

↓

It's Jewish tradition, booby.

booby jewish tradition

↓

Normally we do it right after the baby is born,

baby born normally

↓

but we had to do it later for Ike because he's a--

↓

Ahh!

↓

Oh, now, what's gotten into him?

gotten

↓

Stan, will you go talk to him?

stan

↓

Let us cut off your pee-pee, Stan.

stan

↓

Oy, what is the matter with them?

matter

↓

I can't believe my parents are cannibals.

believe cannibals parents

↓

What are you gonna do, dude?

↓

I have to save my little brother.

brother save

↓

I have to send him away until

send

↓

my parents come to their senses.

parents senses

↓

Come on, Ike.

↓

Cover me for a while.

cover

↓

I'll find a place to hide him and come back.

hide place

↓

No way, dude.

↓

We're not staying alone in your house

alone house staying

↓

with your wee-wee chopping parents.

chopping parents

↓

Just give me 30 minutes. Come on, Ike.

minutes

↓

I can't sleep. It's too cold, okay.

cold sleep

↓

- Hey, you want something to warm you up?

warm

↓

Oh, uh, I didn't know this dark alley was taken.

alley dark taken

↓

Here, try this. It'll warm you up.

itll warm

↓

Mari-ju-wana's bad.

mari

↓

What?

↓

Mari-ju-wana makes you feel depressed and low, okay.

depressed makes mari wana

↓

And you don't feel that way now?

↓

Huh. Good point.

point

↓

N--I don't feel any diff--ooh.

↓

Ooh, baby, get down, okay.

baby

↓

Uh-huh. - Man, this alley is cool.

alley cool

↓

It's so alive and beautiful.

alive

↓

Oh, boy.

↓

Come on, Ike. Hurry up.

hurry

↓

Where's the next train going?

train

↓

Lincoln, Nebraska. Train leaves in five minutes.

five five-minutes leaves lincoln minutes nebraska train

↓

You want to go to Nebraska, Ike?

nebraska

↓

No.

↓

I need one ticket for my little brother.

brother ticket

↓

That's a little brother?

brother

↓

I thought it was a trash can or something.

trash

↓

What's wrong with his head?

head

↓

Huh?

↓

I'm sorry, but we just can't throw Caucasian babies

babies throw

↓

on an outbound train.

train

↓

But my parents are gonna cut off his ding-dong.

ding ding-dong dong parents

↓

What? Why the hell would they do that?

↓

They've just gone crazy for a while.

crazy gone

↓

Please, Mister, I have to hide my brother

brother hide mister

↓

until they come to their senses.

senses

↓

No can do, sonny. - Damn it!

↓

Ike, if you want to keep your penis,

penis

↓

you have to get on this train.

train

↓

Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

baby kick ready

↓

Don't kick the baby.

baby kick

↓

Good-bye, Ike, be safe!

safe

↓

I'll come find you in Nebraska

nebraska

↓

when Mom and Dad are back to normal.

normal

↓

Bye, bye.

↓

Oh, man, where am I?

↓

Hey, wow.

↓

It's that counselor from the elementary school, Mr. Mackey.

counselor elementary elementary-school mackey school

↓

Wow, dude.

↓

Hi, boys, how are you today?

boys today

↓

Pretty good, man. How are you?

↓

Oh, I've been better.

↓

I've been kicked out of town for doing drugs.

drugs kicked town

↓

Hey, us too.

↓

Yeah, remember?

remember

↓

You caught us smoking weed in the bathroom

bathroom caught smoking weed

↓

and got us suspended.

suspended

↓

Oh. Oh, fortune, how you mock me.

fortune mock

↓

Cheer up, bro, all you need is some clear liquid

cheer clear liquid

↓

to get your head straight.

head head-straight straight

↓

- Uh, boys, LSD is bad.

boys

↓

Mm.

↓

Who put all this cotton in my mouth?

cotton mouth

↓

Yeah, baby.

baby

↓

The world is so small.

world

↓

I'm free.

free

↓

I'm free.

free

↓

Sweet, dude, totally killer.

killer sweet

↓

That guy's totally tripping.

tripping

↓

- There, what do you think?

↓

What the hell's that supposed to be?

hells supposed

↓

I'm making a dummy Ike doll.

doll dummy

↓

My parents think he's out with me right now

parents

↓

and I have to bring him back for dinner.

bring dinner

↓

Dude, I think your mom's gonna notice that isn't Ike.

moms notice

↓

Not if I say he's sick and put him to bed right away.

sick

↓

No, go away. bad bog.

↓

Dude, what did you make that doll out of?

doll

↓

I used a bunch of bones from the butcher shop.

bones bunch butcher shop used

↓

Is that why it stinks so bad?

stinks

↓

Hi, boys.

boys

↓

Hi, Mr. Mackey.

mackey

↓

Are you boys staying out of trouble?

boys staying trouble

↓

Yes!

↓

Okay, I'm just gonna go over here for a while.

↓

Anyways, I need you guys to help me

anyways

↓

so that my parents don't realize Ike is gone.

gone parents realize

↓

Knock it off, asshole!

asshole knock

↓

No way! I'm never going back to your parent's house.

house parents

↓

Come on, dude, if it were your little brother,

brother

↓

we'd help you.

↓

Wait a minute, no, you wouldn't!

minute

↓

Ouch. Ow.

ouch

↓

Would you look at that, honey?

honey

↓

Somebody dropped off a perfectly good trash can.

dropped perfectly somebody trash

↓

Yeah.

↓

Booby, where have you been?

booby

↓

Dinner's been ready for five minutes.

dinners five five-minutes minutes ready

↓

- Sorry, Mom, I just had to deal with Ike.

deal

↓

He's been cranky.

cranky

↓

How is my little jelly bean?

bean jelly

↓

I'm gonna take him up to the bathroom to get washed up.

bathroom washed

↓

Okay, but first let Mommy give you a kiss.

kiss mommy

↓

No, Mom, he doesn't want you kissing him.

kissing

↓

Oh, my God, make him stop!

↓

Put it down, you stupid dog!

stupid

↓

My baby. Oh, God!

baby

↓

Get out of here, you mutt, let him go!

mutt

↓

Oh, my baby! Boobala...

baby

↓

Baby! - Huh?

baby

↓

Oh, he's dead. He's dead.

dead

↓

My little boobala's dead.

dead

↓

here, there, Sheila. There's nothing we can do.

sheila

↓

"Yea, usher us unto the Lord,"

lord unto

↓

sayeth some Jewish guy once.

jewish

↓

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

ashes dust

↓

Hey, wait a minute.

minute

↓

How come Ike's tombstone has a Canadian flag on it?

canadian flag ikes

↓

Well, booby, there's something you have to know.

booby

↓

Ike wasn't really your brother. He was adopted.

adopted brother

↓

What?

↓

He was not really a Broflovski.

broflovski

↓

He was Canadian.

canadian

↓

But we loved him all the same.

loved

↓

You mean to tell me that all this time

↓

I've been trying to protect Ike from having

having protect

↓

his fireman cut off,

fireman

↓

and he's not even my real brother?

brother real

↓

What are you talking about?

↓

Dude, Ike isn't dead. He's in Nebraska.

dead nebraska

↓

What, what, what?

↓

Dude, you shouldn't have told them that.

↓

Now they're gonna find him and cut off his penis.

penis

↓

"Fireman." - Oh, who the hell cares?

cares fireman

↓

He's not even my responsibility.

responsibility

↓

Oh, my God. They've killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards.

bastards

↓

Yea, let us ponder the Lord's mercies.

↓

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

ashes dust

↓

Get out of the way, you damn hippie.

hippie

↓

- I don't need to take your right wing,

wing

↓

authoritative bullshit.

bullshit

↓

What?

↓

You're just like the government, man,

government

↓

trying to prosecute out one side of your mouth, okay.

mouth side

↓

While supporting guns out of the other, okay.

guns supporting

↓

Eh, why don't you go to a Grateful Dead concert?

concert dead grateful

↓

I can't, man. Jer-bear's dead, okay.

bears dead

↓

Hey, man, I overheard what you said.

overheard

↓

That was cool.

cool

↓

What? Oh, thanks, man.

thanks

↓

Would you like to come over to my place and finger paint?

finger paint place

↓

Sure, man.

↓

Finger painting's cool, okay.

cool finger paintings

↓

Now, where did you leave him, young man?

young

↓

How the hell should I know?

↓

Gerald, do something about your smart-ass son.

gerald smart

↓

Uh, mind your mother, smart-ass.

mind mother smart

↓

If we don't find him, so help me,

↓

you're gonna be grounded for a month!

grounded month

↓

All this time, "look out for your little brother, Kyle,"

brother brother-kyle kyle

↓

"Take care of your little brother, Kyle,"

brother brother-kyle care kyle

↓

and he wasn't even really my little brother!

brother

↓

Kyle, just because Ike is adopted

adopted kyle

↓

doesn't make him any less your brother.

brother less

↓

Yeah, right.

↓

Excuse me.

excuse

↓

We're looking for a two-year-old Canadian boy.

canadian looking

↓

Two-year-old Canadian boy, two-year-old Canadian boy...

canadian

↓

Oh, I think they might have one of those down at Hap's Bar.

haps might

↓

Come on!

↓

Ike!

↓

Hey, lady, that's my table post!

lady post table

↓

You can't have that!

↓

Wow, man.

↓

You know, it's like,

↓

you go through life thinking

life thinking

↓

that you're an individual, okay.

individual

↓

Then you realize that you're more than that, okay?

realize

↓

We're all just one big individual, okay?

individual

↓

Let's get married and have a honeymoon in India.

honeymoon india married

↓

Okay.

↓

- Now, you march to your room

march room

↓

and you think about what you've done!

↓

But first apologize to your brother.

apologize brother

↓

He's not my brother!

brother

↓

Apologize to him!

apologize

↓

I'm sorry, Ike.

↓

Wow, this is so beautiful.

↓

I am one with the animals

animals

↓

and the trees.

trees

↓

And I am one with you.

↓

♪ At long last I have found ♪

found

↓

♪ A true reason to be ♪

reason

↓

♪ Now I feel I can start anew-- ♪

start

↓

Oh! Oh!

↓

Ow, hey!

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

Okay.

↓

What the hell's going on?

hells

↓

Tough love, Mr. Mackey.

love mackey tough

↓

We're taking you to rehab.

rehab

↓

I don't want to go to rehab.

rehab

↓

I haven't even done drugs in weeks.

drugs weeks

↓

We were wrong for shunning you, Mr. Mackey,

mackey

↓

and we apologize.

apologize

↓

We should've realized that you needed help.

needed realized shouldve

↓

Yeah, now we'll make sure you get the help you need.

↓

I don't want help!

↓

You'll thank us later.

↓

Hello, Tom. Hello, Patty.

patty

↓

Thanks for coming to Ike's bris.

bris coming ikes thanks

↓

Look, Ike, it's your Uncle Murray.

murray uncle

↓

Hello, Ike.

↓

Say, where's little Kyle?

kyle

↓

He's been sent to his room for being a bastard.

bastard room sent

↓

He's decided that Ike isn't his brother since he's adopted.

adopted brother decided

↓

Hi, there. - Hello, do I know you?

↓

Oh, no, but I never miss a bris.

bris miss

↓

Here, I brought some dip.

brought

↓

Oh, thanks.

thanks

↓

Well, I guess the chopping is about to commence.

chopping commence

↓

What do you want?

↓

Oh, no, you don't.

↓

That isn't gonna work on me, Canadian.

canadian

↓

Maybe you're being too hard on him, dude.

hard

↓

No way, there's no real connection between us.

connection real

↓

It was all a big lie.

↓

Cookie Monster.

cookie monster

↓

Two, three, four, five...

five four four-five three three-four three-four-five

↓

Go on, Canadian, beat it!

beat canadian

↓

I'm through getting in trouble for you!

trouble

↓

You have to admit you have a problem

admit problem

↓

before anybody can help you.

anybody

↓

But I don't think I really have a problem.

problem

↓

Nonsense, you did drugs.

drugs nonsense

↓

I suppose you forgot all about your family?

family forgot suppose

↓

I don't really have a family.

family

↓

And you lost your job.

lost

↓

No, I lost my job before that.

lost

↓

Mr. Mackey, you're supposed to be an adult.

adult mackey supposed

↓

The problem with drugs is that people forget

drugs forget problem

↓

to stop doing them.

↓

There's a time and a place for everything, Mr. Mackey,

mackey place

↓

and it's called "college."

called college

↓

Now I want you to repeat after me:

repeat

↓

drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

Drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

Drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

Drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

Hello, Dr. Schwartz.

schwartz

↓

Thank you so much for coming all this way

coming

↓

to perform Ike's bris.

bris ikes perform

↓

Oh, my pleasure, Sheila.

pleasure sheila

↓

I brought the normal cutting device,

brought cutting device normal

↓

but then I remembered that Ike was Canadian,

canadian remembered

↓

so I brought the right one.

brought

↓

Where is the little rug-rat?

↓

Right over here.

↓

Come here, you.

↓

Ow!

↓

Ike!

↓

Ike!

↓

There you are. Come on, Ike, it's time.

↓

You stay away from my little brother!

brother

↓

But son, I just--

↓

You aren't gonna cut off his wee-wee!

↓

Not today, you sick-ass weirdo!

sick today weirdo

↓

Kyle, what are you talking about?

kyle

↓

And you! You should be ashamed of yourself.

ashamed

↓

Don't you understand that us males

males

↓

are defined by our firemen?

↓

Yes, the fireman is very magical.

fireman magical

↓

If you rub his helmet, he spits in your eye.

helmet spits

↓

Kyle, a circumcision

circumcision kyle

↓

is a very common thing for Ike to have.

common

↓

His father had it, his grandfather had it,

father grandfather

↓

and his brother had it.

brother

↓

No!

↓

No, it isn't true!

↓

We're not going to cut it off.

↓

We're just gonna snip it so that it looks bigger.

bigger snip

↓

Oh, hey, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

idea sound

↓

Yeah, I want to get a "circum-stision" too.

↓

Congratulations, Mr. Mackey.

congratulations mackey

↓

You are fully recovered.

fully recovered

↓

I can't thank you enough for everything, okay.

↓

I feel like my old self again.

self

↓

Just one more thing...

↓

Remember that you can stay sober.

remember sober

↓

I will, Miss Social Worker.

miss social worker

↓

I will, okay.

↓

It's okay, Ike, I'm here.

↓

And a one and a two and a...

↓

Bris!

bris

↓

Ouch.

ouch

↓

Cookie Monster.

cookie monster

↓

Ike, you're okay.

↓

Wow, dude, I guess having a bris isn't all that bad.

bris having

↓

Yeah, you know, I've learned something today.

learned today

↓

Family isn't about whose blood you have.

blood family

↓

It's about who you care about.

care

↓

Yeah.

↓

And that's why I feel you guys

↓

are more than just friends; you're my family.

family friends

↓

Except for Cartman.

cartman except

↓

Naturally. - Screw you, guys!

naturally screw

↓

I don't want to be in your penis chopping family anyway!

chopping family penis

↓

And so now, children,

children

↓

your school counselor is back

counselor school school-counselor

↓

to tell you firsthand about his nasty experience

experience nasty

↓

with drugs and alcohol.

alcohol drugs

↓

Okay, kids, you shouldn't do drugs, okay.

drugs kids

↓

Drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

You see, I was at the bottom of the barrel.

barrel bottom

↓

I was a wreck.

wreck

↓

Well, I didn't even care about money.

care money

↓

I was--I was wasting my life...

life wasting

↓

Hey, you guys want to come to my bris tomorrow?

bris tomorrow

↓

You can't have your bris tomorrow, Cartman.

bris cartman tomorrow

↓

That's when I'm having mine.

having

↓

No way, I set up mine first, hippie!

hippie

↓

Now, boys, you need to listen up, okay.

boys

↓

What I'm talking about might save your life someday, okay.

life might save someday

↓

Okay, Mr. Mackey, okay.

mackey

↓

Okay. - Okay.

↓

Okay. - Okay.

↓

Okay.

↓

Now, as I was saying, drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

You shouldn't do drugs.

drugs

↓

If you do them, you're bad.

↓

Because drugs are bad, okay.

drugs

↓

It's a bad thing to do, drugs,

drugs

↓

so don't be bad by doing drugs, okay.

drugs

↓

That'd be bad.

thatd

↓

Drugs are bad, okay.

drugs