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Home » South Park » S02E03 — Ike's Wee Wee

South Park

Season 2, Episode 3 — Ike's Wee Wee

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Ike's Wee Wee

Air date: May 20, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Ike's going to have a Briss and everyone is invited! Stan, Kenny, and Cartman find out what a Briss really is and try to warn Kyle that his parents are going to cut off Ike's wee wee. Kyle sends Ike away to protect him from his scissor wielding parents.

Source: TMDB

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One, two, three, four.

four three three-four

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♪ I'ma say, hey ♪

↓

♪ Death live long, death come for you! ♪

death live

↓

♪ Baby, you don't know, you don't know me! ♪

baby

↓

♪ I don't know you! ♪

↓

♪ You know nothing! ♪

↓

♪ Livin' a lie, livin' a lie! ♪

livin

↓

♪ You're living a lie! ♪

living

↓

♪ You're living a lie! ♪

living

↓

Oh, hi, everybody.

everybody

↓

You just caught Matt and I doing what we love to do most,

caught love matt

↓

entertaining senior citizens at a retirement home.

citizens entertaining home retirement retirement-home senior

↓

Say hi to the "South Park" fans, gang.

fans gang park park-fans south south-park south-park-fans

↓

Say hi to the "South Park" fans, I said!

fans park park-fans south south-park south-park-fans

↓

Hi. - What you're about to see

↓

is our favorite episode of "South Park."

episode favorite favorite-episode park south south-park

↓

It's called "Chicken Lover," and it's about a man

called chicken chicken-lover lover

↓

who likes to have sex with chickens.

chickens likes

↓

That's right, Matt.

matt

↓

You know, sex with chickens

chickens

↓

dates back to the late 1800s when--

dates late

↓

Excuse me. - What?

excuse

↓

Can we leave?

↓

No, you can't leave. We're entertaining you.

entertaining

↓

You're talking to the camera.

camera

↓

Hey, just keep your damn pants on!

pants

↓

This is our other job, all right?

↓

I have other things to do, too.

↓

Sit down, or else it's ninja star in the forehead for you.

forehead ninja star

↓

Anyway, this episode also deals with the wonders of reading.

deals episode reading wonders

↓

That's right. Reading used to be a fun form

form fun reading used

↓

of entertainment, but now we have TV, so who needs it?

entertainment needs

↓

I have to leave. - Kick ba--

kick

↓

Kick back, relax--

kick relax

↓

I must--I must leave. - Ninja star!

must ninja star

↓

Sit back, relax, and enjoy

enjoy relax

↓

this episode of "South Park," "Chicken Lover."

chicken chicken-lover episode lover park south south-park

↓

♪ Get me off! ♪

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

- ♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

- ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Okay, children, each of you gets to choose two books

books children choose

↓

from the Booktastic Bus.

↓

Reading sucks ass.

reading sucks

↓

Eric, shut up!

eric

↓

Boring. Boring.

boring boring-boring

↓

Gay. Boring, boring.

boring boring-boring

↓

Hey, you guys, check out these books.

books check

↓

Sabrina Unchained.

sabrina

↓

Wow, these books look cool.

books cool

↓

Hey, there's a lot of big words in these books.

books words

↓

Hello, kids.

kids

↓

I see you're discovering the magic of reading.

magic reading

↓

Who are you?

↓

I drive the Booktastic Bus, where magic begins.

begins drive magic

↓

You see, reading opens up whole new worlds to you.

opens reading whole worlds

↓

You can take a canoe down the Amazon,

amazon

↓

or go back in time to Camelot,

camelot

↓

or become a race car driver,

become driver race

↓

all by just opening a book.

book opening

↓

Just like magic. The magic of reading.

magic reading

↓

Gosh, shut up, dude.

gosh

↓

Go ahead and pick any books you like,

ahead books go-ahead pick

↓

then give in, give in to the magic.

magic

↓

If we read, are we gonna become like that guy?

become read

↓

Yeah, this is stupid; books aren't magical.

books magical stupid

↓

I don't know, I'm kind of getting

↓

a tingly feeling looking at these.

feeling looking tingly

↓

I don't know, let's go see.

↓

Well, being an officer of the peace means a lot of things.

officer peace

↓

It's a hard job, but then again, I'm a hard man.

hard

↓

A lot of people think that in a small town

town

↓

there isn't a lot for the law to do.

↓

Well, they're wrong.

↓

All units, all units,

units

↓

report to 2-5-4 Avenue de los Mexicanos.

avenue report

↓

Possible hostile situation.

hostile possible situation

↓

There, you see?

↓

This could be a bank robbery,

bank robbery

↓

or possibly even a murder!

murder possibly

↓

This ain't no Podunk little town.

aint town

↓

And, Barbrady, your wife called--

barbrady called wife

↓

she wants you to get some pizza on the way home.

home pizza wants

↓

Goddamnit!

goddamnit

↓

Cool. What is it? What is it?

cool

↓

- Okay, people, move along.

along

↓

There's nothing to see here.

↓

What's the trouble? Where's the body?

body trouble

↓

- Barbrady, I just caught some guy in here

barbrady caught

↓

having sex with one of my chickens.

chickens having

↓

Uh, oh.

↓

My god, that's disgusting.

disgusting

↓

Whoa, dude, how do you have sex with a chicken?

chicken whoa

↓

Uh, boys, you move along.

along boys

↓

This isn't for young eyes to see.

eyes young

↓

Did you get a good look at the suspect?

suspect

↓

No, I didn't see anything.

↓

It just happened so fast.

fast happened

↓

Well, uh, this is quite interesting, huh, guys?

interesting

↓

Uh, we're gonna go grab some lunch

grab lunch

↓

and maybe get some shots of those turtles

shots turtles

↓

down at the pond.

pond

↓

Ah, camel poo!

camel

↓

Hey, what's this?

↓

It looks like a note.

note

↓

Give me that! That's a clue

clue

↓

and you'll get your stinky DNA all over it.

stinky

↓

What does it say? - Uh, it says...

↓

Uh, "Sorry I had sex with a chicken.

chicken

↓

I won't do it again. Bye, bye."

↓

Well, there you have it, case closed.

case case-closed closed

↓

Dammit, Barbrady, what the hell's wrong with you?

barbrady dammit hells

↓

Every time something happens in this town,

happens town

↓

you say "Nothing to see here" and "Case closed",

case case-closed closed

↓

but we want justice!

justice

↓

We have to find this sicko!

↓

I said return to your homes

homes return

↓

before I start arresting people!

arresting start

↓

For what? Orderly conduct?

conduct orderly

↓

How about fishing without a license?

fishing license

↓

I'm not fishing.

fishing

↓

What do you call this then?

↓

If you do not comply, I'll be forced

forced

↓

to execute each and every one of you

execute

↓

by gunshot to the head.

gunshot head

↓

That's right,

↓

return to your simple lives.

lives return simple

↓

Just forget this ever happened.

forget happened

↓

Forget,

forget

↓

forget.

forget

↓

Wow, Barbrady sure is acting weird.

acting acting-weird barbrady weird

↓

Yeah, I wonder what's wrong.

wonder

↓

Welcome to Fran's, can I help you?

welcome

↓

Sir, can I help you?

↓

Uh, just give me two cheeseburgers

cheeseburgers

↓

and some jalapeno poppers.

poppers

↓

Sir, there's just one problem.

problem

↓

What's that? - We're a bank.

bank

↓

- I know that, smarty pants!

pants smarty smarty-pants

↓

What do you think, I'm some kind of idiot?

idiot

↓

Yes. - Hmm.

↓

I can't go on living this lie!

living

↓

- With chicken after chicken being violated,

chicken violated

↓

the South Park police are under increasing pressure

increasing park police pressure south south-park

↓

to solve the case of the chicken.

case chicken solve

↓

We now go live to a press conference

conference live press press-conference

↓

where Officer Barbrady and the mayor

barbrady mayor officer officer-barbrady

↓

are fielding questions.

questions

↓

Officer Barbrady,

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

what would drive a man to such a disgusting act?

disgusting drive

↓

Well, nobody can say for sure.

nobody

↓

No motive has yet been established.

established motive

↓

Do the police have any leads?

leads police

↓

Well, both 3-D computer modeling

computer modeling

↓

and intensive seismology

intensive

↓

have not given us any leads as of yet.

given leads

↓

But has chicken left any clues at the crime?

chicken clues crime left

↓

All right, all right, I can't read!

read

↓

There, I said it, I can't read.

read

↓

Are you happy now? You pushed and you pushed

happy pushed

↓

and now you all know my terrible secret!

secret

↓

I'm illegitimate!

illegitimate

↓

I'm not fit to be a policemen.

↓

I retire!

retire

↓

Okay, thank you all for coming.

coming

↓

There's coffee and brownies out front.

brownies coffee front

↓

And so Officer Barbrady has taken a leave of absence

absence barbrady officer officer-barbrady taken

↓

and South Park will have to manage

manage park south south-park

↓

without any police force for a while.

force police police-force

↓

This just in,

↓

South Park has plunged into total anarchy.

anarchy park south south-park total

↓

Exactly two seconds after

seconds

↓

the retirement of Officer Barbrady,

barbrady officer officer-barbrady retirement

↓

looting and pillaging erupted

looting

↓

in the quiet mountain town.

mountain mountain-town quiet town

↓

Whoopie! This is killer.

killer whoopie

↓

With no cops around, we can do whatever we want!

cops

↓

Woah, dude, what's going on?

woah

↓

I don't know.

↓

Oh, my god, they've killed--

killed

↓

Oh, never mind.

mind

↓

I don't believe it.

believe

↓

All this time Barbrady actually did keep this town peaceful.

barbrady peaceful town

↓

Who knew? I always thought he was a complete idiot.

complete complete-idiot idiot

↓

He is.

↓

Mayor, What do you plan to do about the South Park riots?

mayor park plan riots south south-park

↓

No reason for concern.

concern reason

↓

I want to assure all of you that Officer Barbrady

assure barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

is still our active police force.

active force police police-force

↓

But he's illiterate; what do you plan to do?

plan

↓

Uh, plan? I don't actually...

plan

↓

Reading classes, plain and simple.

classes plain reading simple

↓

By the mayor's order Officer Barbrady

barbrady mayors officer officer-barbrady order

↓

is on temporary leave of absence to learn to read.

absence learn read temporary

↓

Effective immediately. - Yes, that's right.

effective immediately

↓

It's back to school with Officer Barbrady!

barbrady officer officer-barbrady school

↓

Now, children, we have a new student joining us today.

children joining student today

↓

Please say hi to Officer Barbrady.

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

I can't see, dude.

↓

Okay, now since our focus has been on reading,

focus reading

↓

let's review some of the basics.

basics review

↓

Yes, what is it?

↓

I need to go poopies.

↓

Officer Barbrady,

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

in school we go to the bathroom before and after class.

bathroom class school

↓

Oh, Christ, how do you kids do it?

christ kids

↓

Does anyone have any suggestions

suggestions

↓

where we should begin with Officer Barbrady?

barbrady begin officer officer-barbrady

↓

How about a brain transplant?

brain transplant

↓

Now, Kyle, let's be supportive of our new student.

kyle student supportive

↓

Give him the nurturing environment he needs to thrive.

environment needs nurturing thrive

↓

Now I'm going to write a sentence

sentence write

↓

and I want us all to help Officer Barbrady read it.

barbrady officer officer-barbrady read

↓

Give it a shot, Officer Barbrady.

barbrady officer officer-barbrady shot

↓

Uh...

↓

"O... O."

↓

Bzzt, wrong! Try again, dumb-ass.

bzzt dumb

↓

Okay, okay, maybe we should try something a little easier.

easier

↓

We can work our way up to the hard ones.

hard ones

↓

Go ahead, Barbrady, don't be scared.

ahead barbrady go-ahead scared

↓

Uh...

↓

"O..." - Bzzt! Drr!

bzzt

↓

Did you hear that Mr. Hat?

↓

I sure did, Mr. Garrison. What a retard.

garrison retard

↓

Did you kids actually learn how to read this way?

kids learn read

↓

No, we just fake it to shut him up.

fake

↓

Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

↓

Let's try again.

↓

Say, what are nice chickens like you

chickens

↓

doing in a coop like this?

coop

↓

- Now, children, I hope

children hope

↓

you all had a good time reading your books

books reading

↓

and are prepared for your book reports.

book prepared reports

↓

Who should we have go first, Mr. Hat?

↓

Let's see.

↓

How about Stan or Kyle?

kyle stan

↓

Eric, why don't you go first? - Ugh.

eric

↓

What's the matter, Eric? Are you not prepared again?

eric matter prepared

↓

I'm prepared!

prepared

↓

For my book report I read

book book-report read report

↓

"The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe."

lion wardrobe witch

↓

It was very, very good.

↓

Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?

garrison read

↓

No, I can't say that I have. - Oh, good.

↓

In "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe",

lion wardrobe witch

↓

a bunch of, uh, hippies walk around and paint stuff.

bunch hippies paint stuff walk

↓

They eat lunch and then they find a magical camel

camel lunch magical

↓

which they have to eat to stay alive,

alive

↓

and that's pretty much it. I give it a "B minus".

minus

↓

And I give you an "F", Eric, now sit down.

eric

↓

Goddamnit!

goddamnit

↓

Okay, Officer Barbrady,

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

why don't you give us your book report?

book book-report report

↓

I've just finished reading the heartwarming novel,

finished novel reading

↓

"Go, Dog, Go".

↓

I found it a compelling and disturbing look

compelling disturbing found

↓

at the canine psyche.

↓

If I may read a passage.

passage read

↓

"Big dog...

↓

"Little dog.

↓

"A red dog

↓

on a..."

↓

Well, anyway,

↓

I don't want to give away the ending,

ending

↓

but I will say that it spirals toward an incredible twist-turn

incredible twist

↓

that parallels my own life.

life

↓

Thank you, Officer Barbrady.

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

That was a very good book report indeed.

book book-report indeed report

↓

I'll give you an "A".

↓

Hurray!

hurray

↓

Goody two-shoes.

goody shoes

↓

♪ Swing set, swing set ♪

swing

↓

♪ Up and down I go ♪

↓

♪ Whoosh goes the willy wind ♪

whoosh willy wind

↓

♪ Blowing through my toes ♪

blowing toes

↓

Dude, I think Officer Barbrady

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

enjoys being at school a little too much.

enjoys school

↓

Yeah, isn't he just supposed to be learning how to read?

learning read supposed

↓

♪ Swing set, swing set ♪

swing

↓

♪ Up and down I go ♪

↓

Officer Barbrady, what are you doing?

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

Oh my god! They killed--

killed

↓

Oh, never mind.

mind

↓

Well, how's the reading coming along?

along coming coming-along reading

↓

Oh, pretty good.

↓

Barbrady, we really need you to speed this up.

barbrady speed

↓

The chicken struck again last night.

chicken night struck

↓

Oh, no!

↓

Oh, mayor, please, when we're around children

children mayor

↓

we prefer to call him the chicken lover.

chicken chicken-lover lover prefer

↓

This time he made love to Carla Weathers' prize chicken.

carla chicken love prize weathers

↓

She's catatonic.

↓

Who, Carla Weathers or the chicken?

carla chicken weathers

↓

The perpetrator left this clue at the crime scene.

clue crime crime-scene left scene

↓

Oh, I can't read this. It has silent E's.

read silent

↓

You have to learn to read faster, Barbrady!

barbrady faster learn read

↓

I'm doing the best I can!

best

↓

I even got a "A" on my book report.

book book-report report

↓

Listen, buddy, either you learn to read quick

buddy learn quick read

↓

or else I'm gonna find a law officer to replace you forever!

forever officer replace

↓

Hey, what'd you do that for?

whatd

↓

Uh, just dramatic effect, sorry.

dramatic effect

↓

Oh, boy, I'm in big trouble.

trouble

↓

I'll never learn to read fast enough

fast learn read

↓

and the town is in chaos!

chaos town

↓

It's cool, dude, we'll help you.

cool

↓

Hey, that's right, you can help me.

↓

Under article 39, section two of police code,

article code police section

↓

I'm allowed to deputize citizens in a time of crisis.

allowed citizens crisis

↓

Really? I want to be a cop.

↓

You boys will be my deputies.

boys

↓

You can help me restore order, catch the chicken lover,

catch chicken chicken-lover lover order restore

↓

and swing me on the swing set. - Do I get a nightstick?

swing

↓

- Sure, nightsticks for everybody!

everybody

↓

You keep a tab on crime in the city,

city crime

↓

and we'll try to solve the chicken lover case.

case chicken chicken-lover lover solve

↓

10-4, sergeant.

sergeant

↓

Now what does that clue say again?

clue

↓

"If you want to know where I'll strike next,

strike

↓

read "Bumbly Wumbly and the Spotted Spacecraft".

read spotted

↓

To the Booktastic Bus, deputies!

↓

We haven't a moment to spare.

moment spare

↓

hurray!

hurray

↓

Good day, friends.

friends

↓

Welcome to the magical world of reading.

magical reading welcome world

↓

We need a copy of

copy

↓

"Bumbly Wumbly and the Spotted Spacecraft" right away.

spotted

↓

Ooh, that's a very magical book, full of wonders--

book full magical wonders

↓

Ah, just give us the damn book, fruitcake!

book

↓

What's it say?

↓

It says "ma... Ma..."

↓

What's this word?

word

↓

"I". - Oh, yeah.

↓

"I, ma... Ma..." - Here, give me that.

↓

"I am Bumbly Wumbly, I live in the pond."

live pond

↓

A pond. Hey! Maybe that means Stark's Pond.

pond starks starks-pond

↓

That's quick thinking, deputy.

deputy quick thinking

↓

Let's get to Stark's Pond immediately.

immediately pond starks starks-pond

↓

Hey.

↓

Uh, yes, officer?

officer

↓

I clocked you at 40 miles an hour back there.

hour miles

↓

Do you know what the speed limit is here?

limit speed

↓

Well, according to that sign right there,

according sign

↓

it's 40 miles an hour.

hour miles

↓

Step out of the car please, sir.

step

↓

Wait a second, aren't you Stan's little friend?

friend second stans

↓

Sir, step out of the car, please.

step

↓

Yeah, you're the one

↓

who always plugs up the toilet at our house.

house plugs toilet

↓

Hey, I am a cop

↓

and you will respect my authority!

authority respect

↓

Yeah, right. You better get back to school, little boy.

school

↓

Ow!

↓

Get your ass to jail! - Ow!

jail

↓

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

↓

You can't do that! Ow! Ow! Ow!

↓

Sweet.

sweet

↓

Oh, weak, dude, we're too late.

late weak

↓

Well, the chickens don't seem to really mind.

chickens mind

↓

Well, this is terrible.

↓

Now, who would have sex with a chicken?

chicken

↓

I would.

↓

Oh, you couldn't screw anything, Halfy.

screw

↓

You don't have any legs.

legs

↓

Oh, yeah.

↓

Have some respect for people's feelings, would you, Halfy?

feelings peoples respect

↓

Come on, dudes. We need to look for another clue.

another clue dudes

↓

Here, here, I found one! - What's it say? What's it say?

found

↓

It says read "Teetle the Timid, ta- ta- ta..."

read timid

↓

The taxi-- What's this word?

taxi word

↓

I don't know.

↓

"Ta- ta-...

↓

Ta... Taxidermist!"

↓

I read it! I read it all by myself!

read

↓

Hurray, yeah! Whoo-hoo!

hurray whoo

↓

...Enroute to 496.

↓

I've been working this beat

beat working

↓

for about three days now.

days three three-days

↓

You definitely have to have pretty thick skin

skin thick

↓

or else these people, they just walk all over you.

walk

↓

Sometimes you have to go undercover

sometimes undercover

↓

to get the worst of them.

worst

↓

Hi, there, little lady.

lady

↓

Well, hi there. What are you doing tonight?

tonight

↓

Well, hopefully spending some time with you, gorgeous.

gorgeous hopefully spending

↓

Is 20 dollars enough?

dollars

↓

Sir, step out of the car, please?

step

↓

What? Uh-oh. Is this a bust?

bust

↓

Sir, step out of the car.

step

↓

Hey, wait a minute, you're just a kid.

minute

↓

- Maybe this will teach you to listen to authority!

authority teach

↓

Ow! Ow! Ow!

↓

Hey, man, what are you doing?

↓

Ow, stop it!

↓

Eh, sometimes upholding the law is messy,

messy sometimes

↓

but you get by...

↓

one day at a time.

↓

I got a TV. Sh, come on!

↓

"Teetle the timid taxidermist

timid

↓

loves to..."

loves

↓

Oh, Goddamn, reading is lame.

goddamn lame reading

↓

How's it going, dude? - Terrible, I give up.

↓

I'm not fit to be a cop.

↓

Come on, dude, it's not that hard.

hard

↓

It is, too!

↓

Just read the sentence.

read sentence

↓

"Teetle the timid taxidermist

timid

↓

loves to go to the pet, pet..."

loves

↓

Come on, dumb-ass, you can do it.

dumb

↓

"Pet..." Wait a minute.

minute

↓

Conjugate the verb.

↓

Conjugate the verb.

↓

Yes, conjugate the verb.

↓

"Pet-ting."

↓

"Petting zoo!"

petting

↓

He loves to go to the petting zoo!

loves petting

↓

Boys, we're off.

boys

↓

All units, all units,

units

↓

512 at 635 Avenue de los Mexicanos

avenue

↓

request assistance.

assistance request

↓

Sir, could you step out of the car, please?

step

↓

We're fine, officer.

officer

↓

And, uh, who--who's in here with you?

↓

- Just me and my wife and my brother,

brother wife

↓

and my wife's cousin and his son,

cousin wifes

↓

and my brother's girlfriend and our two kids,

brothers girlfriend kids

↓

and my brother's girlfriend's mother,

brothers girlfriends mother

↓

and this guy Bob who I met last year.

↓

- Poor people tend to live in clusters.

live poor tend

↓

What--what did you say? - Nothing.

↓

Now, sir, is there some kind of--

↓

I want him out of my house!

house

↓

He ain't worth a shit!

aint worth

↓

He can't even hold a job!

↓

Shut up, bitch.

bitch

↓

Okay, okay, let's try to watch the language.

language watch

↓

There's children present here.

children present

↓

You lazy ass mother.

lazy mother

↓

Look what she did to my eye!

↓

- I'll do it again!

↓

Mom hit Dad again.

↓

Now the first thing to do

↓

in domestic disturbance calls like this one

calls domestic

↓

is to just calm everybody down.

calm everybody

↓

Respect my authority!

authority respect

↓

All units, all units,

units

↓

we have a 5-20 on the suspect.

suspect

↓

Report to the South Park petting zoo immediately.

immediately park petting report south south-park

↓

Chicken lover.

chicken chicken-lover lover

↓

Keep your eyes peeled, boys.

boys eyes peeled

↓

Somebody's gonna make love to this chicken any minute.

chicken love minute somebodys

↓

Maybe we were wrong about the clue.

clue

↓

Yeah, maybe you read it wrong.

read

↓

Oh, no!

↓

Shh!

↓

Keep your eyes peeled.

eyes peeled

↓

Look!

↓

He's here. - Grab him!

grab

↓

Dammit, can't this thing go any faster?

dammit faster

↓

Oh, my God, they've killed--

killed

↓

Goddamnit.

goddamnit

↓

I knew it was you all along, Richard Nixon.

along nixon richard

↓

I think that's a mask, dude.

mask

↓

Oh.

↓

Whoa, dude. It's the book mobile driver.

book driver mobile whoa

↓

Caught you red-handed. - Indeed you did.

caught handed indeed

↓

How did you know I would strike here?

strike

↓

- By reading "Teetle the Timid Taxidermist".

reading timid

↓

You did, really? Then it worked.

worked

↓

My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly.

absolutely perfectly plan whole whole-plan worked

↓

What are you talking about, dude?

↓

When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read,

barbrady heard officer officer-barbrady read

↓

I knew I had to motivate him somehow.

motivate

↓

So I formulated a plan to encourage him

encourage plan

↓

to learn the magic of reading.

learn magic reading

↓

So you a bunch of chickens?

bunch chickens

↓

Yes, yes, exactly.

↓

- Don't you see? - Only by chickens

chickens

↓

could I get Officer Barbrady to become literate.

barbrady become officer officer-barbrady

↓

That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, dude.

sense whole

↓

Oh, no? He who is blind can now see.

blind

↓

I got Officer Barbrady to read.

barbrady officer officer-barbrady read

↓

My plan worked perfectly.

perfectly plan worked

↓

Well, I guess I should say thanks?

thanks

↓

You're welcome. And now my reading friend,

friend reading welcome

↓

you've proven that you are ready for the big time.

proven ready

↓

I give you this hardback copy

copy

↓

of "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand.

atlas

↓

Freeze! Put your hands in the air!

freeze hands

↓

Cartman!

cartman

↓

I got reports the suspect is in this area.

area reports suspect

↓

Well, he is. It turns out that book mobile driver here

book driver mobile turns

↓

was the one making love to chickens.

chickens love

↓

Ah, ha!

↓

Ow, that hurts! - Whoa, dude. Cartman!

cartman hurts whoa

↓

No, no, that's not how you uphold the law!

uphold

↓

But he is not listening to my authority.

authority listening

↓

Oh, oh, you've got it all wrong, my little friend.

friend

↓

You do it like this.

↓

You gotta get them in the head.

head

↓

They go down quicker.

quicker

↓

Oh.

↓

I guess you should leave police work

police

↓

to the professionals, huh, Cartman?

cartman professionals

↓

Well, anyway, I'm relieving you of your duties.

duties

↓

I've proved that I can read,

proved read

↓

and now I'm back on the job.

↓

Hurray!

hurray

↓

Hey, so what are you gonna do now?

↓

Now? Well...

↓

I, uh, I think I'll get in the bathtub

bathtub

↓

and then curl up with a good book.

book curl

↓

- And so today, South Park held a parade

held parade park south south-park today

↓

to honor Officer Barbrady

barbrady honor officer officer-barbrady

↓

and his heroic work on the chicken case.

case chicken heroic

↓

Thank you, everybody, thank you!

everybody

↓

Speech, speech! - What?

speech

↓

They want you to give a speech, Officer Barbrady,

barbrady officer officer-barbrady speech

↓

about the whole experience over the last couple of days.

couple days experience whole whole-experience

↓

Oh, okay.

↓

Well, first of all

↓

I'd like to thank the town of South Park,

park south south-park town

↓

the town that bore me

bore town

↓

and eventually will rob me of my life precious.

eventually life precious

↓

Second, I'd like to say to all those out there

second

↓

who think they can screw chickens

chickens screw

↓

just to teach people to read,

read teach

↓

your days are numbered!

days

↓

And finally I'd like to say

finally

↓

that reading totally sucks ass.

reading sucks

↓

Hurray!

hurray

↓

Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read.

happy learning read

↓

It seemed exciting and magical,

exciting magical seemed

↓

but then I read this,

read

↓

"Atlas Shrugged", by Ayn Rand.

atlas

↓

I read every last word of this garbage

garbage read word

↓

and because of this piece of shit

piece

↓

I'm never reading again!

reading

↓

Hurray for Barbrady!

barbrady hurray

↓

Wow, I guess reading really does suck ass.

reading suck

↓

Hey, that's what I've been saying all along, you guys.

along

↓

I'm just glad everything turned out okay,

glad turned

↓

and Barbrady got his job back.

barbrady

↓

It's poetic justice.

justice poetic

↓

Thanks, boys.

boys thanks