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Home » South Park » S02E02 — Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut

South Park

Season 2, Episode 2 — Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Cartman's Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut

Air date: April 22, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Dr. Mephisto is about to reveal who Eric Cartman's father really is! Glass shatters and gunshots ring out. A mysterious assailant apparently shot Mephisto while the lights were off. Much to Eric's chagrin, they rush Mephisto off to the hospital. Chef rushes out the door with Mephisto in hand. They must fight against time to learn Eric's background, who is his father? Where does he come from?

Source: TMDB

↓

♪ Dog dance, dog dance, doing the dog dance ♪

dance

↓

♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪

dance

↓

♪ If you want your medicine, do the dog dance ♪

dance medicine

↓

♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪

dance

↓

Oh, hello, back already?

↓

Well, as you can see,

↓

that episode is what we in the business refer to

business episode refer

↓

as a "cliffhanger".

cliffhanger

↓

To find out who Cartman's father was,

cartmans cartmans-father father

↓

we told viewers to tune in four weeks later.

four tune viewers weeks

↓

Well, four weeks later just happened to be

four happened weeks

↓

April Fools' Day, and so we thought it would be fun

april fools fun

↓

to not air the cliffhanger payoff

cliffhanger

↓

but instead air something

↓

completely irrelevant and stupid:

completely irrelevant stupid

↓

A full half-hour Terrance and Phillip episode.

episode full half half-hour hour phillip terrance

↓

And the viewers responded splendidly.

responded viewers

↓

We even saved some of their comments

comments saved

↓

on our office answering machine.

answering answering-machine machine office

↓

I'm gonna come down there and cut off your testicles.

testicles

↓

And I'm never watching "South Park" again.

park south south-park watching

↓

You think you're funny

funny

↓

not telling us who Cartman's father is?

cartmans cartmans-father father telling

↓

I hope you both die.

hope

↓

I can't go on not knowing who Cartman's father is.

cartmans cartmans-father father knowing

↓

I just can't. I can't go--

↓

Now can I have my medication?

medication

↓

Dude, do the dog dance some more.

dance

↓

Dog dance. Bow-bow, bow-wow.

dance

↓

Yeah, beep like-- beep like a Jeep.

beep jeep

↓

- Beep beep, beep beep. - Do a puffer fish.

beep beep-beep beep-beep-beep fish

↓

Puff, puff, pfffff.

puff

↓

I'll swim. I'll do fish dance.

dance fish swim

↓

Yeah, yeah. You want your medicine?

medicine

↓

You want your medicine?

medicine

↓

Here, go get it. Go get it.

↓

Oh, no. You guys are jerks.

jerks

↓

Hello.

↓

- What a grump. - Jeez, Mr. Grumpy Pants.

grumpy jeez pants

↓

Well, after the Terrance and Phillip episode,

episode phillip terrance

↓

which honestly really is Matt and I's favorite episode,

episode favorite favorite-episode matt

↓

we finally aired the episode you're about to see.

aired episode finally

↓

It's called, "Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut."

called cartmans dirty slut

↓

Previously on "South Park"...

park previously south south-park

↓

an air of sobriety fills the laboratories.

fills sobriety

↓

The men of South Park gather to find out

gather park south south-park

↓

which one of them fathered this boy.

↓

Who is Eric Cartman's father?

cartmans cartmans-father eric eric-cartmans eric-cartmans-father father

↓

At the end of tonight's episode,

episode tonights

↓

you will know the answer.

answer

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

And now, to continue...

continue

↓

The father is indeed someone in this room.

father indeed room

↓

Man, this feels like the longest minute of my life.

feels life longest minute

↓

Oh, hey Kenny.

kenny

↓

Gentlemen, the father is...

father gentlemen

↓

Hey, what the hell's going on?

hells

↓

It's a power outage.

power

↓

Is everybody okay?

everybody

↓

That sounded like a gunshot.

gunshot sounded

↓

Oh my God, look!

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

Mofesto's been shot!

shot

↓

Is he... Dead?

dead

↓

Hey, this window is shot out, too.

shot window

↓

That means the killer was not somebody in this room.

killer room somebody

↓

Then who was it?

↓

Who shot Mofesto?

mofesto shot

↓

Was it the school counselor?

counselor school school-counselor

↓

Or was it Miss Crabtree...?

crabtree miss miss-crabtree

↓

Hey, wait a minute.

minute

↓

I didn't find out who my father was!

father

↓

Or was it Miss Broflovski?

broflovski miss

↓

Wait, he's still breathing, he's not dead.

breathing dead

↓

Godammit, who's my father?

father

↓

We have to get him to the hospital.

hospital

↓

You've gotta be kidding me!

kidding

↓

Come on, children.

children

↓

That poor kid.

poor

↓

It must be hell for him going through all this.

must

↓

There's a murderer free in South Park!

free murderer park south south-park

↓

We have to find out who it is

↓

before they kill again!

kill

↓

Yeah, God only knows who they'll kill next.

kill knows

↓

Who will they kill next?

kill

↓

Will it be Jimbo, Barbrady,

barbrady jimbo

↓

the Denver Broncos?

broncos denver denver-broncos

↓

Is he awake yet?

awake

↓

He's bleeding pretty bad back here.

bleeding

↓

Don't let him bleed on my Meredith Baxter-Birney

baxter bleed meredith

↓

memorial towel!

memorial towel

↓

What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney memorial towel?

baxter memorial meredith towel

↓

I was actually with Meredith Baxter-Birney

baxter meredith

↓

in this very car.

↓

And afterwards we used that towel to...

afterwards towel used

↓

Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?

minute telling

↓

Could you pull over so I can get out?

pull

↓

What, we have to get to the hospital.

hospital

↓

I have to get out first.

↓

I'm not gonna make it, I can't stand hospitals.

hospitals stand

↓

Sorry Stan,

stan

↓

we just got to drop Mofesto

drop mofesto

↓

and then we can get out of there, alright?

alright

↓

Man, it's really starting to snow.

snow starting

↓

I hope they don't close the roads.

close hope roads

↓

They can't, Mofesto can't die.

mofesto

↓

Maybe it's better you don't know who your father is, Cartman.

cartman father

↓

No way dude,

↓

I can't stand to leave things unfinished.

stand

↓

It's like when you hear the first part of that song,

part song

↓

"Come Sail Away" by Styx.

sail

↓

If I hear the first part of that song,

part song

↓

I have to finish it.

finish

↓

Really?

↓

Yeah, I can't do anything until it's done.

↓

♪ I'm sailing away ♪

sailing

↓

No, don't!

↓

♪ Set an open course, for the virgin sea ♪

course open virgin

↓

Whoa, dude!

whoa

↓

What are we gonna do, mayor?

mayor

↓

This killer is on the loose.

killer loose

↓

We can't even leave our homes

homes

↓

for fear of our children's safety!

childrens fear safety

↓

Uhh, where are our children?

children

↓

Officer Barbrady,

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

let's pretend for one second

pretend second

↓

that we had a competent law enforcer in this town,

competent town

↓

what would he do?

↓

Hmm, that's a good question, mayor.

mayor question

↓

Let me get right on that with thinking.

thinking

↓

Mayor, mayor!

mayor

↓

The press is here.

press

↓

My name is Sid Greenfield,

name

↓

I'm the director from Los Angeles

angeles director

↓

for "America's Most Wanted".

americas wanted

↓

You certainly made it up here quickly.

certainly quickly

↓

We're desperate for stories.

desperate stories

↓

And this one is so compelling.

compelling

↓

Really?

↓

Sure, this story has everything--

story

↓

people, furniture, talking, it's a real American story.

american furniture real real-american story

↓

I thought of something.

↓

No, wait, that's subtraction.

↓

Mr. Director Person,

director person

↓

what exactly do you want to do?

↓

Mayor, shouldn't we be focusing...

focusing mayor

↓

Shh.

↓

We just want to do a re-creation

creation

↓

of the story for our show.

story

↓

Then we'll flash a number on the screen

flash number screen

↓

that people can call if they have any information

information

↓

regarding the identity or location of the shooter.

identity location regarding shooter

↓

That's it.

↓

You win, we win, America wins.

america wins

↓

Are you sure this wouldn't make our little town

town

↓

look dangerous?

dangerous

↓

Don't worry, mayor.

mayor worry

↓

"America's Most Wanted" is not about violence,

americas violence wanted

↓

it's about family.

family

↓

It is?

↓

Well, in that case, I guess it's okay.

case

↓

Great, we'll get started with auditions immediately.

auditions immediately started

↓

What part should we cast first?

cast part

↓

Who will the director cast first?

cast director

↓

Will it be Mr. Garrison, Officer Barbrady, Chef?

barbrady chef garrison officer officer-barbrady

↓

I want to have an abortion.

abortion

↓

Well, we can do that.

↓

This must be a very difficult time for you, Mrs...

difficult must

↓

Cartman, yes, it's such a hard decision but,

cartman decision hard hard-decision

↓

I just don't feel like I can raise a child

child raise

↓

in this screwy world.

screwy world

↓

Yes, Miss Cartman,

cartman miss miss-cartman

↓

if you don't feel fit to raise a child,

child raise

↓

an abortion is probably the answer.

abortion answer

↓

Do you know the actual time of conception?

actual conception

↓

About eight years ago.

eight eight-years years

↓

I see, so the fetus is...?

fetus

↓

Eight years old.

eight eight-years years

↓

Miss Cartman,

cartman miss miss-cartman

↓

eight years old is a little late

eight eight-years late years

↓

to be considering abortion.

abortion considering

↓

Really?

↓

Yes, this is what we would refer to

refer

↓

as the 40th trimester!

trimester

↓

I just don't think I'm a fit mother.

mother

↓

We prefer to abort babies a little earlier on.

abort babies prefer

↓

In fact, there's a law against abortions

abortions fact

↓

after the second trimester.

second trimester

↓

Well, I think you need to keep your laws

laws

↓

off of my body!

body

↓

Hmm, I'm afraid I can't help you, Miss Cartman.

afraid cartman miss miss-cartman

↓

If you want to change the law

change

↓

you'll have to speak with your congressman.

congressman speak

↓

Well, that's exactly what I intend to do.

intend

↓

Good day!

↓

Come on children, we gotta find a doctor.

children doctor

↓

I can't do it, dude.

↓

Come on, Stan,

stan

↓

hospitals aren't all that bad.

hospitals

↓

Yeah, stop being a wuss.

wuss

↓

Doctor!

doctor

↓

One minute, please.

minute

↓

Nurse, I need 20 ccs of sodium pentathol, stat!

nurse stat

↓

Whoa dude, she doesn't have any arms.

arms whoa

↓

We're an equal opportunity employer here, son.

equal opportunity

↓

Doctor, we've got a shot cracker outside.

cracker doctor shot

↓

I'll be right with you

↓

after I inject this man with a long needle.

inject needle

↓

Oh man, I'm gonna be sick.

sick

↓

There, there, young man,

young

↓

medical science is nothing to be afraid of.

afraid medical science

↓

I think you're hitting the bone.

bone hitting

↓

Yes, I can hear the needle scraping

needle scraping

↓

against the bone inside.

bone

↓

Oops, he's hemorrhaging.

oops

↓

Oops, his head fell off.

fell head oops

↓

I'm getting out of here.

↓

Stan!

stan

↓

Some people just have a weak stomach.

stomach weak

↓

And the father of Eric Cartman is...

cartman eric eric-cartman father

↓

Bang, oh!

bang

↓

Jiminy, I've been shot.

jiminy shot

↓

Thank you very much, we'll get back to you.

↓

I think I've seen enough genetic engineers.

engineers genetic seen

↓

Let's move on to the auditions

auditions

↓

for the part of Mr. Garrison.

garrison part

↓

Call the Mr. Garrison auditions.

auditions garrison

↓

Boy, I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

cartmans cartmans-father eric eric-cartmans eric-cartmans-father father hope

↓

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

Alright, not bad.

alright

↓

Let's keep them on the top pile, next!

pile

↓

I sure hope that I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

cartmans cartmans-father eric eric-cartmans eric-cartmans-father father hope

↓

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

Thank you, next!

↓

What?

↓

Next!

↓

I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

cartmans cartmans-father eric eric-cartmans eric-cartmans-father father hope

↓

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

Perfect! You got it.

perfect

↓

Let's move on to the Chefs.

chefs

↓

And so, you see, Congressman O'Reilly,

congressman

↓

that's why I think

↓

abortion laws should be changed.

abortion changed laws

↓

Well, all I know is that

↓

third trimester abortions are illegal.

abortions illegal third trimester

↓

I don't really know anything about 40th.

↓

But the person at "Unplanned Parenthood"

person

↓

said you were who I had to talk to

↓

about changing the law.

changing

↓

No, I think you've got to talk to the governor

governor

↓

about that stuff.

stuff

↓

Oh, dear.

dear

↓

Well, this is about all I can do for him.

↓

Can't you get him to talk?

↓

I have to know who my father is!

father

↓

Sorry son, it might be a while.

might

↓

Wake up, you son-of-a-bitch!

bitch wake

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Now son, that's not gonna do him any good.

↓

I'll let you know if there's a change in his condition.

change condition

↓

I can't wait anymore.

anymore

↓

What am I supposed to do?

supposed

↓

Hey Cartman!

cartman

↓

What?

↓

♪ I'm sailing... ♪

sailing

↓

♪ Away ♪

↓

Okay, let's get out of here, now.

↓

I don't know if that's gonna be too easy.

easy

↓

My God, that's a helluva storm.

storm

↓

Weak.

weak

↓

God, I hate mountains.

hate mountains

↓

This better not push back our shooting schedule.

push schedule shooting

↓

Okay people, let's rehearse the reenactment

reenactment

↓

from the top before we shoot it.

shoot

↓

Who's that?

↓

That's TV's Eric Roberts.

eric eric-roberts roberts

↓

We were able to get him to play the part

able part

↓

of the little monkey guy.

monkey

↓

Oh, talk about washed up, huh?

washed

↓

Great to have you, Eric.

eric

↓

Here we go and action!

action

↓

I want to announce who the father is.

announce father

↓

Bang.

bang

↓

I've been shot.

shot

↓

Nobody move, I'm a law officer.

nobody officer

↓

My God, I think he's gone into cardiac arrest.

arrest cardiac cardiac-arrest gone

↓

You seem somewhat unnerved by this Chef.

chef somewhat

↓

Are you accusing me, Barbrady?

accusing barbrady

↓

Because if you are, accuse!

accuse

↓

Don't hide behind your clever riddles!

behind clever hide hide-behind riddles

↓

Our differences must be set aside for now, Mr. Chef.

aside chef differences must

↓

I'm simply a man,

simply

↓

a man trying to do my job.

↓

Wow, this is a good movie.

movie

↓

Dude, when can we get out of here?

↓

Doctor, I can't focus.

doctor focus

↓

We're doing the best we can, ma'am.

best maam

↓

They've closed the pass

closed pass

↓

so none of the other doctors can get through.

doctors

↓

For now, it's just me and Nurse Goodly.

nurse

↓

Wait a second, they've closed the pass?

closed pass second

↓

Yes, I'm afraid we're critically understaffed.

afraid

↓

Unless we get help soon,

↓

all these people in here are completely fucked.

completely fucked

↓

Metaphorically speaking, that is.

speaking

↓

What about Mofesto?

mofesto

↓

Are you taking care of him?

care

↓

He's on full life-support and breathing fine.

breathing full full-life life life-support support

↓

He shouldn't need any help.

↓

So long as the power doesn't go out.

power

↓

Who didn't see that coming a mile away, huh?

coming mile

↓

Tonight on "America's Most Wanted",

americas tonight wanted

↓

a shooter is on the loose on Colorado,

colorado loose shooter

↓

and the residents are up in arms!

arms residents

↓

Here's your host John Walsh.

host john

↓

Good evening and welcome to "America's Most Wanted".

americas evening wanted welcome

↓

Tonight, terror invaded the small mountain community

community mountain terror tonight

↓

of South Park, Colorado.

colorado park park-colorado south south-park south-park-colorado

↓

When Dr. Alfonse Mofesto was gunned down

mofesto

↓

in his laboratory,

laboratory

↓

"America's Most Wanted" has reconstructed this heinous crime

americas crime heinous wanted

↓

in hopes that your calls can help solve the case.

calls case hopes solve

↓

I've been shot.

shot

↓

My God Mr. Hat, get some help!

↓

Right away, Mr. Garrison!

garrison

↓

No, no, my lifetime partner and friend,

friend lifetime partner

↓

gone, taken away in the wink of an eye...

gone taken wink

↓

What the...

↓

Eric Roberts is improv-ing lines again.

eric eric-roberts improv lines roberts

↓

I'm gonna get the man to a hospital.

hospital

↓

Who will help me?

↓

This is not a world I want to live in...

live world

↓

What the hell is this?

↓

We've lost the feed to L.A.

feed lost

↓

Uh, we seem to have lost our link up

link lost

↓

to the South Park crew.

crew park south south-park

↓

So I guess we'll be going to our feature movie,

feature movie

↓

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"

framed rabbit roger

↓

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

framed rabbit roger

↓

Was it Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Chef?

chef garrison jimbo

↓

Somebody go see why we lost the hook up.

hook lost somebody

↓

Holy smokes, that blizzard is getting crazy.

crazy holy holy-smokes smokes

↓

Don't panic, anybody,

anybody panic

↓

the power lines are down

lines power

↓

but the back-up generator is running just fine.

generator running

↓

Nurse, I could use some help in here.

nurse

↓

Coming.

coming

↓

Lady, is Mofesto gonna be okay?

lady mofesto

↓

Yes, for now,

↓

but I'm afraid the generator won't run for long.

afraid generator

↓

The batteries run out in half an hour.

batteries half hour

↓

Time is very short.

short

↓

Nurse, please, I need another pair of hands in here.

another hands nurse pair

↓

Sorry.

↓

Don't you see governor,

governor

↓

I should have a right to have an abortion

abortion

↓

if I want one.

↓

Well, I don't know.

↓

I might need some more convincing.

convincing might

↓

I mean, what right do I have

↓

bringing another child

another bringing child

↓

into this over-populated world?

world

↓

Then again, I should have thought of that

↓

before having sex. Then again --

having

↓

Oh, I just don't know.

↓

Please Mr. Chef.

chef

↓

I have over 100 people to tend to here.

tend

↓

And only myself and Nurse Goodly.

nurse

↓

What do you want me to do?

↓

Do you know anything about surgery?

surgery

↓

I used to watch "Quincy".

used watch

↓

What, why the hell didn't you say so?

↓

Put on some scrubs!

scrubs

↓

Boys, I'm making you all honorary doctors.

boys doctors honorary

↓

You can help us save these people's lives.

lives peoples peoples-lives save

↓

No way, dude!

↓

Well, we're not going anywhere for a long time.

↓

We're snowed in?

↓

Yes, we're trapped.

trapped

↓

Like sailors on a submarine.

sailors submarine

↓

My God, this is the worse storm I've ever seen.

seen storm worse

↓

Oh, I have to get out of here.

↓

I haven't eaten since breakfast.

breakfast eaten

↓

Yeah, I'm getting hungry, too.

hungry

↓

I hope you all realize

hope realize

↓

what we might be facing here.

facing might

↓

Our only option might be to eat each other

might option

↓

to stay alive.

alive

↓

It's only been, like, four hours.

four four-hours hours

↓

Aren't you resorting to cannibalism

↓

a little quickly?

quickly

↓

That's the law of land, Mr. Director!

director land

↓

I know it ain't pretty but if a few of us must die

aint must

↓

so the rest can stay alive, so be it.

alive rest

↓

But how do we decide who?

decide

↓

Well, we draw straws.

draw straws

↓

Now, wait a minute, we all had a big breakfast.

breakfast minute

↓

Can't you people go without eating for a little while?!

eating

↓

Calm down, soldier!

calm soldier

↓

We need every person here to keep his head.

head person

↓

Barbrady, fetch some straws.

barbrady fetch straws

↓

Well, who the hell made you the boss anyway?

boss

↓

Who the hell made Jimbo boss?

boss jimbo

↓

Was it Barbrady, Chef, Mr...

barbrady chef

↓

This man's appendix has burst!

appendix burst mans

↓

I have no choice but to operate now

choice operate

↓

with our limited power.

limited power

↓

I need you all to be strong for me.

strong

↓

Nurse Goodly will take care of the anesthesia.

care nurse

↓

Chef, you act as her arms.

arms chef

↓

Boys, you have to help with suction and bandages.

bandages boys suction

↓

Ready?

ready

↓

No.

↓

I'll make an incision over the heart.

heart incision

↓

Oh, boy.

↓

Dude! You barfed into the incision.

incision

↓

Sweet!

sweet

↓

Suction!

suction

↓

Hey, they're screwing with the lights.

lights screwing

↓

Who is screwing with the lights?

lights screwing

↓

Is it Barbrady, or Jimbo,

barbrady jimbo

↓

or the 1991 Denver Broncos?

broncos denver denver-broncos

↓

That is really starting to piss me off.

piss starting

↓

Alright, so far,

alright

↓

everybody has a long piece of straw.

everybody piece straw

↓

We'll keep drawing.

drawing

↓

Whew!

whew

↓

Whew!

whew

↓

Wait a minute.

minute

↓

Where the hell is the short one?

short

↓

The short what?

short

↓

Dammit, Barbrady!

barbrady dammit

↓

When you draw straws

draw straws

↓

you're supposed to have one of them short!

short supposed

↓

That's how you decide who loses.

decide loses

↓

That's not how I played it.

played

↓

Ugh, could we hurry this up, my stomach is growling.

growling hurry stomach

↓

I found a map that shows the location

found location shows

↓

of a back-up generator.

generator

↓

Apparently they built self sustaining generator

apparently built generator self self-sustaining sustaining

↓

for just this kind of emergency.

emergency

↓

But it's out and away from the hospital.

hospital

↓

So how do we get to it?

↓

We must split up into two teams.

must split teams

↓

Team "A" and team "B".

team

↓

Team "A" will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle,

kyle stan stan-kyle team

↓

Eric, Chef and Nurse Goodly.

chef eric nurse

↓

Team "B" will consist of Kenny.

kenny team

↓

Now listen closely team "B".

closely team

↓

Your goal will be to turn on the back-up generator.

generator goal

↓

To do this you must brave the storm outside

brave must storm

↓

and get into this sewage duct.

duct sewage

↓

Meanwhile, team "A" will go to the holding area here

area holding meanwhile team

↓

where there is a television and some cocoa.

cocoa television

↓

We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming

cocoa drink family programming watch

↓

until team "B" makes it through the sewage duct.

duct makes sewage team

↓

By that time, team "B" -

team

↓

remember, that's you, Kenny -

kenny remember

↓

should reach the outer core of the generator.

core generator outer reach

↓

It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top.

climb cold dangerous

↓

And there could velociraptors here.

↓

Once you reach the top,

reach

↓

you should be able to get a clear view

able clear view

↓

through this window of us,

window

↓

drinking cocoa and watching television.

cocoa drinking television watching

↓

Then you can proceed down into the generator

generator proceed

↓

and power it on.

power

↓

Are there any questions?

questions

↓

No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.

sounds sweet

↓

Right, then let's do it.

↓

Go team.

team

↓

I can't... go on...

↓

...so hungry.

hungry

↓

We're all going to die in this horrible place.

horrible place

↓

We have to have the energy to make it through the night.

energy night

↓

We have to eat.

↓

How can we?

↓

How can we live with ourselves?

live

↓

There's only one answer.

answer

↓

Eat Eric Roberts!

eric eric-roberts roberts

↓

Yes, of course,

course

↓

Nobody gives a shit about Eric Roberts.

eric eric-roberts gives nobody nobody-gives roberts

↓

Eat Eric Roberts!

eric eric-roberts roberts

↓

No! No, please!

↓

well, there's no going back now,

↓

We're cannibals, God save us.

cannibals save

↓

God wants you to live, mayor, fight.

fight live mayor wants

↓

I have to admit, Eric Roberts

admit eric eric-roberts roberts

↓

was much juicier than I expected.

expected

↓

This snow just isn't letting up.

letting snow

↓

We're gonna die here, I know it!

↓

What time is it, Barbrady?

barbrady

↓

It's almost midnight.

midnight

↓

Oh, I can't go on.

↓

We'll give the storm another hour.

another hour storm

↓

After that we might have to eat again.

might

↓

What?

↓

Christ, are you people diabetic or something?

christ diabetic

↓

Team "B", come in team "B".

team

↓

Listen team "B",

team

↓

we found another path to the generator.

another found found-another generator path

↓

There's actually a nice heated walkway to it,

heated

↓

so you don't need to walk through all that sewage.

sewage walk

↓

Oh, well forget I said that then.

forget

↓

Listen team "B", you should be seeing

seeing team

↓

a large drift of snow with some metal

drift metal snow

↓

sticking out of it just to your left.

left sticking

↓

Good, head towards it.

head

↓

Team "A" out.

team

↓

What if Mofesto never wakes up?

mofesto wakes

↓

And I never find out who my father is?

father

↓

My God, what a harrowing tale

harrowing tale

↓

of human drama this is!

drama human

↓

All of us doing what we must to survive.

must survive

↓

It is amazing what people can do under stress.

amazing stress

↓

Just look at the pyramids.

↓

Nobody knows how they built those,

built knows nobody nobody-knows

↓

or who.

↓

Who built the pyramids?

built

↓

Was it the Babylonians?

↓

Officer Barbrady?

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

Samaritans?

samaritans

↓

Roger, team "B".

roger team

↓

He's reached the back-up generator.

generator reached

↓

Team "B", can you see the two copper nodes?

copper team

↓

Good.

↓

Now is there a wire connecting them?

connecting wire

↓

Damn, the wire connecting the nodes is gone.

connecting gone wire

↓

We need to complete the circuit between them

circuit complete

↓

or we're screwed.

screwed

↓

Do you have any wire here?

wire

↓

There's no time.

↓

Once these lights flicker out

lights

↓

all these patients on life support are gonna die.

life life-support patients support

↓

No Kenny, you can't.

kenny

↓

There must be some other way.

must

↓

He's gonna make the connection

connection

↓

himself with his hands.

hands

↓

No, he'll die.

↓

Go Kenny!

kenny

↓

Kenny, no!

kenny

↓

Oh my God, they've killed Kenny.

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

The power!

power

↓

Quickly, get the scanner running again.

quickly running scanner

↓

We've got a chance now.

chance

↓

Well, okay, Mrs. Cartman,

cartman

↓

I'll legalize 40th trimester abortions for you.

abortions trimester

↓

Oh, thank you, thank you.

↓

We'll have the pregnancy terminated immediately.

immediately pregnancy terminated

↓

Terminated?

terminated

↓

Yes, that's what an abortion is.

abortion

↓

No, I didn't mean that.

↓

I meant the other thing you can do.

meant

↓

What's that other "a" word?

word

↓

Adoption?

adoption

↓

Yes, that's what I mean,

↓

adoption.

adoption

↓

Well, that's pretty different.

↓

Oh, I should just tell my son the truth

truth

↓

about everything myself.

↓

Good day, Mr. President.

president

↓

Well, we made it.

↓

The power is on, the snow is melting,

melting power snow

↓

and your friend Mofesto is doing fine.

friend mofesto

↓

Where, where am I?

↓

You're at the hospital, Mr. Mofesto.

hospital mofesto

↓

You were shot.

shot

↓

Now, we don't know who tried to shoot you, but--

shoot tried

↓

Oh, I'm sure it was my brother again.

brother

↓

He tries to shoot me every month.

month shoot tries

↓

Oh.

↓

Where's the little fat boy?

↓

He'll be delighted that Mofesto is awake.

awake delighted mofesto

↓

He went off looking for Mr. Kenny.

kenny looking

↓

He was a good friend and I'll miss him.

friend miss

↓

He was very brave.

brave

↓

He risked his life so that Mofesto can live.

life live mofesto risked

↓

Yeah and now he's a freezy-pop.

↓

Dude, do you think if we hit him with a shovel

shovel

↓

he'd shatter?

shatter

↓

I don't know! Let's find out.

↓

It's over.

↓

We're free.

free

↓

Yes, but at what cost, Mr. Garrison?

cost garrison

↓

At what cost?

cost

↓

Listen everybody,

everybody

↓

we did what we had to in there.

↓

But, how will we live with ourselves now?

live

↓

One day at a time, mayor,

mayor

↓

one day at a time.

↓

♪ Ave Maria ♪

maria

↓

Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts in a doggie bag.

bringing doggie eric eric-roberts home roberts

↓

Does anybody else want some?

anybody

↓

I'm glad you could all come.

glad

↓

I can finally reveal

finally reveal

↓

who the father of Eric Cartman is.

cartman eric eric-cartman father

↓

But first I want to thank Kenny McCormick

kenny kenny-mccormick mccormick

↓

for sacrificing his life...

life

↓

Just tell us, already!

↓

Alright, alright.

alright alright-alright

↓

The father of Eric Cartman is...

cartman eric eric-cartman father

↓

Say did anybody see that

anybody

↓

Therrance and Phillip special last month?

month phillip special

↓

Wasn't that just the funniest...

funniest

↓

Stop it, tell me who my father is!!!

father

↓

As I said before,

↓

the father is somebody in this room.

father room somebody

↓

The father is...

father

↓

Mrs. Cartman.

cartman

↓

What?

↓

Yes, it's true.

↓

No, that doesn't make sense.

sense

↓

Yes, it took quite a while for me

↓

to understand as well.

↓

You see, Mrs. Cartman is a hermaphrodite.

cartman

↓

Meaning what?

meaning

↓

Meaning that she has both male and female genitals.

female genitals male meaning

↓

It's true.

↓

You mean at the drunken barn dance

barn barn-dance dance drunken drunken-barn drunken-barn-dance

↓

when we all got together with her,

↓

She was a he?

↓

No, no, not exactly, but she did have a penis.

penis

↓

The fact of the matter is hermaphrodites

fact matter

↓

cannot bear children,

bear cannot children

↓

So Miss Cartman's DNA match with Eric

cartmans eric match miss

↓

can only mean that she is his father

father

↓

and she got another woman pregnant

another another-woman pregnant woman

↓

at the drunken barn dance.

barn barn-dance dance drunken drunken-barn drunken-barn-dance

↓

Oh man, this is weak.

weak

↓

Dude, you're a big fat ass

↓

and your mom's a hermapholite.

moms

↓

I'm sorry I never told you, Eric.

eric

↓

I just thought

↓

maybe it would be a little shocking to you.

shocking

↓

Oh wow, gee whiz, you think so, Mom?

whiz

↓

Well, that's that. Thank you all for playing.

playing

↓

No, no, wait a minute.

minute

↓

If she's my dad, then who's my mom?

↓

Who is Eric Cartman's mother?

cartmans eric eric-cartmans mother

↓

Is it Mrs. Crabtree?

crabtree

↓

Sheila Broflovski?

broflovski sheila

↓

The mayor?

mayor

↓

Oh, forget it!

forget