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Home » South Park » S02E01 — Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus

South Park

Season 2, Episode 1 — Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus

Air date: April 01, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

The show starts off with the build up from last season's cliffhanger revolving around Cartman's paternal origins. However, just as it seems they are about to get on with the second half of "Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut," they do a 180 degree turn-around and reveal that for April Fool's Day they will be showing Terrance & Phillip in "Not Without My Anus".

Source: TMDB

↓

- Hi, I'm Trey Parker. - And I'm Matt Stone.

matt matt-stone parker stone trey trey-parker

↓

And we're Trey Parker and Matt Stone,

matt matt-stone parker stone trey trey-parker

↓

and this is "Terrance and Phillip: Not Without My Anus,"

anus phillip terrance

↓

which is our favorite episode, and it really is.

episode favorite favorite-episode

↓

I know we always say that,

↓

but this one really is our favorite episode.

episode favorite favorite-episode

↓

This, uh -- we did this show last year.

↓

It aired on April Fools' Day,

aired april fools

↓

and it was supposed to be an April Fools' joke, and--

april fools joke supposed

↓

What are you doing?

↓

I'm doing a -- you know, the MTV stuff.

stuff

↓

- Don't do that. - You know--come on.

↓

Don't do--no, don't do that.

↓

- All right. - Just sit there.

↓

It aired on April Fools' Day.

aired april fools

↓

We'd set up the end of season one with a cliffhanger

cliffhanger season

↓

about who Cartman's dad was.

cartmans

↓

You had to tune in to find out who Cartman's dad was,

cartmans tune

↓

and it was April 1st,

april

↓

so instead of telling you who Cartman's dad was,

cartmans telling

↓

we aired an entire Terrance and Phillip episode,

aired entire episode phillip terrance

↓

which we thought was hilarious,

hilarious

↓

but it didn't go over very well.

↓

- Most of America hated it, yeah. - Everyone hated it.

america hated

↓

And they--'cause they-- they were like,

↓

"Well, who's Cartman's dad? Who's Cartman's dad?"

cartmans

↓

And everyone sat through this episode waiting to see

episode waiting

↓

who Cartman's dad was and didn't get to really

cartmans

↓

experience the beauty and the--

beauty experience

↓

the awesomeness of this episode,

episode

↓

and so we're really glad that it's out on video

glad video

↓

so now people can enjoy it for what it is.

enjoy

↓

We're very glad this episode is out on video.

episode glad video

↓

Because now everyone can see

↓

what a brilliant piece of work it is.

brilliant piece

↓

So enjoy "Terrance and Phillip: Not Without My Anus."

anus enjoy phillip terrance

↓

Since the last "South Park," you've waited four long weeks

four park south south-park waited weeks

↓

to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is.

cartman eric eric-cartman father

↓

Now finally, the shocking truth about Cartman's lineage

cartmans finally shocking truth

↓

will not be seen tonight so that we can bring you

bring seen tonight

↓

the following special presentation.

following presentation special

↓

Now get ready for Canada's hottest action stars,

action hottest ready stars

↓

Terrance and Phillip in the HBC Movie of the Week.

movie phillip terrance week

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

before you today sits a murderer.

murderer sits today

↓

On the night in question,

night question

↓

this monster entered the home of Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer

entered home jeffrey monster

↓

and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer.

hammer head repeatedly struck

↓

That monster is sitting right over there

monster sitting

↓

and his name is Terrance!

name terrance

↓

Terrance, you farted in court.

court farted terrance

↓

Yes, Phillip, I'm making a case for our defense.

case defense phillip

↓

All of these things link Terrance to the murder.

link murder terrance

↓

Hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings,

blood hair nail samples

↓

a piece of his shirt,

piece shirt

↓

a watch with his initials on it.

initials watch

↓

A day planner with the murder scheduled.

murder scheduled

↓

A haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer".

called haiku jeffrey kill

↓

"Dr. O'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in

head smashed

↓

with my new hammer."

hammer

↓

Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon,

famous surgeon terrance

↓

but you're not God!

↓

J'accuse, Terrance.

terrance

↓

Would you like a "monkey claw", Phillip?

claw monkey phillip

↓

Yes, please.

↓

That's called the "monkey claw"

called claw monkey

↓

because it feels like my colon is being ripped apart

apart colon feels ripped

↓

by a thousand monkeys.

monkeys thousand

↓

The "monkey claw" is smelly.

claw monkey smelly

↓

Come on, get a move on.

↓

I ain't getting any younger up here.

aint younger

↓

My sentiments exactly, Your Honor.

honor

↓

I see from your accent that you're southern Canadian.

accent canadian southern

↓

That is correct.

correct

↓

Good people of the jury, my client, Terrance,

client jury terrance

↓

is an innocent man.

innocent

↓

Oh, Phillip, now you farted during the closing argument!

argument closing farted phillip

↓

I have, haven't I, Terrance?

terrance

↓

Your Honor,

honor

↓

the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court.

court defense mockery

↓

They think that farts are funny, but they're not!

farts funny

↓

Sustained.

sustained

↓

Good people of the jury, my client Terrance

client jury terrance

↓

is no more a murderer than you or me.

murderer

↓

He loves puppies and hates mean things.

hates loves puppies

↓

Would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this?

animals feed murderer

↓

Of course not.

course

↓

So in summation, find Terrance innocent,

innocent terrance

↓

or else he'll kill you.

kill

↓

Just kidding.

kidding

↓

The defense rests.

defense

↓

God damn it, that isn't funny.

funny

↓

Madam foreperson, have you reached a verdict

madam reached verdict

↓

so we can get the hell out of here?

↓

We have, your honor. We have found Terrance

found honor terrance

↓

in the above entitled action of murder

action entitled murder

↓

against Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer--

jeffrey

↓

You're gonna have to repeat that verdict

repeat verdict

↓

because we had some flatulence issues.

issues

↓

I said, we find--

↓

we find Terrance--

terrance

↓

not guilty!

guilty

↓

Did you hear that, Terrance?

terrance

↓

You're not guilty!

guilty

↓

Oh, Phillip, you've saved me from the gas chamber!

chamber phillip saved

↓

Oh, no!

↓

That sure was fun, Phillip.

fun phillip

↓

Let's go home and eat kroff dinner.

dinner home kroff kroff-dinner

↓

Here, here.

↓

Well, looks like you got away with it,

↓

Terrance and Phillip.

phillip terrance

↓

Oh, hello, Scott.

scott

↓

No hard feelings, right, old pal?

feelings hard hard-feelings

↓

There are hard feelings. This isn't over!

feelings hard hard-feelings

↓

I'm gonna see to it

↓

that you both pay for what you've done!

↓

And do you know why?

↓

'Cause you're a dick?

dick

↓

No, because I hate you.

hate

↓

You think farting is so funny. Well, it isn't!

farting funny

↓

Fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy,

comedy fart form jokes lowest

↓

and if I--

↓

Oh, I hate you both!

hate

↓

I've hated you ever since I can remember.

hated remember

↓

I hate you and I wish you both had cancer!

cancer hate wish

↓

Cancer?

cancer

↓

Yes, in the head.

head

↓

Head cancer?

cancer head

↓

This is not the end, Terrance and Phillip.

phillip terrance

↓

You'll rue this day.

↓

Wow, Scott really hates us, Phillip.

hates phillip scott

↓

Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.

homophobic perhaps

↓

But we're not gay, Phillip.

phillip

↓

We're not?

↓

Well, let us board the subway and return home.

board home return subway

↓

There we can eat kroff dinner.

dinner kroff kroff-dinner

↓

Yes, it's been a long day

↓

and only kroff dinner can calm my nerves.

calm dinner kroff kroff-dinner nerves

↓

Say, Phillip, why does Scott

phillip scott

↓

always try to convict me of murder?

murder

↓

He does it every week.

week

↓

He sure does seem to hate us.

hate

↓

I wonder what he'll try to do next.

wonder

↓

God only knows.

knows

↓

The subway certainly is wonderful, Terrance.

certainly subway terrance

↓

It sure is. Let's look for treasure.

treasure

↓

Yes, let's look for treasure.

treasure

↓

Hello?

↓

Hello. Is this Scott from Canada?

canada scott

↓

Yes, yes, it is.

↓

You're a journalist, right?

↓

Yes, I'm a television critic for magazines.

critic magazines television

↓

I understand that you hate Terrance and Phillip.

hate phillip terrance

↓

Yes, yes, I do.

↓

They think fart jokes are a sophisticated form of comedy,

comedy fart form jokes sophisticated

↓

but they're not.

↓

Well, what if I were to help you get rid of them

↓

once and for all?

↓

Who is this?

↓

Let's just say that I'm someone who can help you

↓

if you help me.

↓

Just call me your old pal, Saddam Hussein.

hussein saddam saddam-hussein

↓

Saddam Hussein, the Iraqi dictator?

dictator hussein saddam saddam-hussein

↓

Hey, relax, guy, I'm just your average Joe.

average relax

↓

Take a rest!

rest

↓

What do you want?

↓

You want Terrance and Phillip out of Canada.

canada phillip terrance

↓

I want you to bring me and my friends into Canada.

bring canada friends

↓

That sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it?

fair sounds trade

↓

Super, let's get started.

started super

↓

I'm not sure I should trust you.

trust

↓

Hey, relax, guy, trust me.

relax trust

↓

Well, it's too bad we didn't find any treasure

treasure

↓

on the subway, Phillip.

phillip subway

↓

Oh, hello, Ugly Bob.

ugly

↓

Hello, Terrance. Hello, Phillip.

phillip terrance

↓

My God, you're looking hideously ugly today, Ugly Bob.

looking today ugly

↓

How come you guys say stuff like that?

stuff

↓

Because you're Goddamned ugly, Bob.

goddamned ugly

↓

I know, but--

↓

Ugly Bob, your face looks like somebody tried

face somebody tried ugly

↓

to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.

fire forest screwdriver

↓

I can't help how I look.

↓

Besides, it's not what's on the outside that matters,

besides matters

↓

it's what's on the inside.

↓

No, it isn't.

↓

Want to see what's on the inside of me?

↓

Wait, wait, I've got an idea!

idea

↓

Why don't you put this paper bag over your head, Ugly Bob?

head paper ugly

↓

Yes, if people can't see your face,

face

↓

they won't know how wretchedly ugly you are.

ugly

↓

Really? Hey, thanks, you guys.

thanks

↓

Maybe now I can score with chicks.

chicks score

↓

Sure you can, Ugly Bob.

ugly

↓

If they can't see how horribly disfigured you are,

disfigured horribly

↓

they'll want to sleep with you.

sleep

↓

Thanks, you guys.

thanks

↓

Hello, Barky, hello, Purry.

↓

Bark, bark!

bark

↓

Prrr, prrr.

↓

Say, Terrance, I was just about to make some kroff dinner.

dinner kroff kroff-dinner terrance

↓

Would you like some?

↓

You know I never turn down kroff dinner, Phillip.

dinner kroff kroff-dinner phillip

↓

I'm going to put on a pirate costume.

costume pirate

↓

Special delivery for Terrance.

delivery special terrance

↓

I'll take that.

↓

Sign here and here and here,

sign

↓

and here and here.

↓

And here.

↓

Oh, Terrance!

terrance

↓

You got a letter!

letter

↓

Shiver me timbers, Phillip.

phillip

↓

At this rate I'll never get to my kroff dinner.

dinner kroff kroff-dinner rate

↓

Oh my God!

↓

What is it, Terrance? Did you fart?

fart terrance

↓

No, it's Sally.

sally

↓

She's being held captive in Iran.

captive held iran

↓

Not Sally! Dear God, no, Terrance.

dear sally terrance

↓

Why Sally? God, why?

sally

↓

Say, Terrance, who's Sally?

sally terrance

↓

My daughter.

daughter

↓

I never knew you had a daughter, Terrance.

daughter terrance

↓

Oh, yes. Didn't I mention that, me hearties?

mention

↓

No, you never did, Terrance.

terrance

↓

Oh, well, it all began 15 years ago.

began years

↓

My God, what a fascinating story, Terrance,

fascinating story terrance

↓

especially the part about Celine Dion.

celine celine-dion dion especially part

↓

Yes, indeed.

indeed

↓

But now my little Sally is being held captive in Iran

captive held iran sally

↓

and I will have to go and find her!

↓

And I will go with you, Terrance.

terrance

↓

You are such a good friend, Phillip.

friend phillip

↓

Well, you know what they say.

↓

"A friend in need is a friend with kroff dinner."

dinner friend kroff kroff-dinner

↓

Avast there, mateys.

↓

Hello, Celine Dion.

celine celine-dion dion

↓

Terrance, this is quite a surprise.

surprise terrance

↓

You're looking well.

looking

↓

And you.

↓

Celine, where is our daughter, Sally?

celine daughter sally

↓

She's in the Middle East studying anthropology, why?

east middle middle-east studying

↓

Wrong!

↓

She's been taken hostage and is now being held prisoner.

held hostage prisoner taken

↓

What?

↓

Phillip and I are going to Iran to find her,

iran phillip

↓

but we may never return.

return

↓

Oh, Terrance, what happened to us?

happened terrance

↓

We just grew apart, Celine Dion.

apart celine celine-dion dion grew

↓

Please bring our daughter home safe, Terrance.

bring daughter home safe terrance

↓

Hello, Ugly Bob.

ugly

↓

Hi, guys.

↓

How's the paper bag working out?

paper working

↓

People seem to really like it.

↓

I even have a date this Friday.

date friday

↓

Terrific!

terrific

↓

We need two tickets for Tehran, please.

tickets

↓

Iran is dangerous. You guys shouldn't go there.

dangerous iran

↓

Damn it, man! Danger or no,

danger

↓

I'm going to help my friend find his daughter!

daughter friend

↓

All right then, there's a flight leaving today.

flight leaving today

↓

Oh, good.

↓

Well, I certainly am going to miss Canada, Terrance.

canada certainly miss terrance

↓

Indeed, Phillip.

indeed phillip

↓

Terrance, if I die whilst in Iran,

iran terrance whilst

↓

please bring my body back to Canada

body bring canada

↓

and bury me in a box with a side of kroff dinner.

bury dinner kroff kroff-dinner side

↓

Same here, Phillip.

phillip

↓

♪ O Canada ♪

canada

↓

♪ Our home and native land ♪

home land native

↓

♪ True patriot love ♪

love

↓

♪ In all thy sons command ♪

command sons

↓

♪ With glowing hearts we see thee rise ♪

glowing hearts rise thee

↓

♪ The true north strong and free ♪

free north strong

↓

♪ From far and wide, O Canada ♪

canada wide

↓

♪ We stand on guard for thee ♪

guard stand thee

↓

♪ God keep our land... ♪

land

↓

Scott to Red Dragon. Come in, Red Dragon.

dragon scott

↓

Go ahead, Scott. This is Red Dragon.

ahead dragon go-ahead scott

↓

The plan is working perfectly.

perfectly plan working

↓

Terrance and Phillip have taken the bait.

bait phillip taken terrance

↓

Excellent.

excellent

↓

My buddies and I are ready to come to Canada.

buddies canada ready

↓

Has everything been arranged?

arranged

↓

Yes, everything's proceeding according to plan.

according everythings plan

↓

Now, you promised that when Terrance and Phillip arrive

arrive phillip promised terrance

↓

they'll be ripped into pieces and shot several times.

pieces ripped several several-times shot times

↓

Hey, relax, guy.

relax

↓

I'm gonna keep my side of the bargain.

bargain side

↓

Roger, Red Dragon. Scott out.

dragon roger scott

↓

I've got you now, you fart-loving fart lovers.

fart lovers loving

↓

I got ya!

↓

Oh, Phillip.

phillip

↓

How will I ever find my fugitive daughter in this daunting place?

daughter fugitive place

↓

We don't speak the language.

language speak

↓

We are unwelcome strangers,

strangers

↓

and we have no idea where to begin.

begin idea

↓

Oh, look, there she is.

↓

Oh, good.

↓

Who? Where?

↓

I'm here, Sally.

sally

↓

It's your father, Terrance.

father terrance

↓

I'm here to save you from your smelly Iranian captors.

save smelly

↓

Papa.

papa

↓

Say, she looks a lot more

↓

like Celine Dion than you, Terrance.

celine celine-dion dion terrance

↓

Oh, now I see the resemblance!

↓

Well, enough of Iran, let's get home.

home iran

↓

Well, now that I have my bastard daughter back,

bastard daughter

↓

I feel like going to Celine Dion's house

celine house

↓

and asking her to marry me again.

asking marry

↓

Oh, raspberries, looks like I'm losing a friend.

friend losing

↓

No, you're gaining a pop vocalist.

gaining

↓

Oh my God! What is this?

↓

Is this Canada?

canada

↓

It seems to have changed.

changed seems

↓

This is madness!

madness

↓

What's going on, Phillip?

phillip

↓

How could Canada have changed so much whilst we were gone?

canada changed gone whilst

↓

I don't know, Terrance.

terrance

↓

And who is that smelly person in all these pictures?

person pictures smelly

↓

I must take my bastard daughter back to Celine Dion

bastard celine celine-dion daughter dion must

↓

and see what she has to say.

↓

Celine, I brought our daughter Sally back

brought celine daughter sally

↓

and I want to tell you that--

↓

Terrance, could you come back a little later?

terrance

↓

Why?

↓

Uh... I'm just a little busy right now.

busy

↓

You've got a man over, don't you, Celine Dion?

celine celine-dion dion

↓

Well, I--

↓

Hi, guys.

↓

Oh my God, it's Ugly Bob!

ugly

↓

What the hell are you doing here?

↓

I'm doing Celine Dion, what's it look like?

celine celine-dion dion

↓

Oh, Celine Dion, what have you done?

celine celine-dion dion

↓

I was going to make us a family again

family

↓

but now you've slept with Ugly Bob.

slept ugly

↓

What do you mean? Why are you calling him "Ugly Bob"?

calling ugly

↓

Because that's his name, you stupid bitch.

bitch name stupid stupid-bitch

↓

You told me your name was "Handsome Bob"!

handsome name

↓

Look at him, Celine Dion.

celine celine-dion dion

↓

Behold his horrible face.

behold face horrible

↓

Oh my God, he's hopelessly ugly,

ugly

↓

and I am pregnant with his child!

child pregnant

↓

What? No...!

↓

I'm going to have a freak baby!

baby freak

↓

Oh, the humanity!

humanity

↓

Hey, Saddam,

saddam

↓

you helped me get rid of Terrance and Phillip

helped phillip terrance

↓

and I appreciate that,

appreciate

↓

but why are framed pictures of you going up all over Canada?

canada framed pictures

↓

Huh? Oh, that?

↓

Don't worry, guy, you just need a rest.

rest worry

↓

No, I don't need a rest.

rest

↓

I want to know what this is all about.

↓

Hey, relax, fella.

fella relax

↓

I'm just making it so that Terrance and Phillip

phillip terrance

↓

can never come back to Canada again.

canada

↓

I just need a couple of things

couple

↓

and then I'm gonna head back to Iran.

head iran

↓

I thought you were from Iraq.

iraq

↓

Iran, Iraq, what the hell's the difference?

difference hells iran iraq

↓

Relax, guy.

relax

↓

Phillip, I'm convinced that something

convinced phillip

↓

very, very not good is happening to Canada.

canada

↓

Yes, I agree whole-fartedly.

agree whole

↓

Hey, what the hell are you guys doing here?

↓

Oh, hello, Scott.

scott

↓

You're not supposed to be here.

supposed

↓

You're supposed to be in Iran looking for your kidnapped--

iran kidnapped looking supposed

↓

I mean, how are you guys today?

today

↓

Wait, what were you saying?

↓

Nothing, why?

↓

Hey, Scott, guess what?

scott

↓

What?

↓

I hate you more than ever, Terrance and Phillip!

hate phillip terrance

↓

I absolutely abhor you both!

absolutely

↓

What are you doing, Scott?

scott

↓

I'm wishing cancer upon you.

cancer wishing

↓

Cancer?

cancer

↓

That's right, I'm trying to give you cancer with my mind.

cancer mind

↓

Ahh! Stop that!

↓

Hey, don't give me cancer.

cancer

↓

Mr. Hussein, the U.S. government is becoming worried.

becoming government hussein worried

↓

Worried? About what?

worried

↓

Take a load off, relax.

load relax

↓

You seem to be taking over Canada.

canada

↓

"Taking over Canada," me?

canada

↓

Hey, you need a rest, fella. I'm not hiding any bombs.

bombs fella hiding rest

↓

We didn't say anything about bombs.

bombs

↓

Oh, you didn't? Hey, relax.

relax

↓

We're giving you just three years

giving three three-years years

↓

to clear your forces out of Canada.

canada clear forces

↓

After that we're gonna bomb all of Iran.

bomb iran

↓

I'm from Iraq.

iraq

↓

Iran, Iraq, what's the difference?

difference iran iraq

↓

Ugh, I hate Americans.

americans hate

↓

Please let me kill them.

kill

↓

No, no, you need to relax, guy.

relax

↓

Remember the plan. First we take over Canada,

canada plan remember

↓

then we'll have the best of the female pop vocalists.

best female

↓

After that, we'll take over the U.S.,

↓

then Europe, then China, then Newfoundland,

china europe

↓

then the world!

world

↓

What's so funny?

funny

↓

Nothing, relax, buddy.

buddy relax

↓

Saddam, Terrance and Phillip are back in Canada.

canada phillip saddam terrance

↓

Oh, really?

↓

You promised me they'd be gone for good.

gone promised theyd

↓

That was your part of the bargain.

bargain part

↓

I changed my mind.

changed mind

↓

Pray that I don't change it any further.

change further pray

↓

This deal's getting worse all the time.

deals worse

↓

Hey, Terrance, let's watch American television.

american television terrance watch

↓

Yeah, we can get satellite feed from the U.S.

feed satellite

↓

And watch all the stupid TV shows.

shows stupid watch

↓

Oh, look, here's a show.

↓

you!

↓

Stupid.

stupid

↓

God damn, their TV shows are lame.

lame shows

↓

The father of Eric Cartman is...

cartman eric eric-cartman father

↓

Look at those silly American heads.

american heads silly

↓

They look like groundhogs.

↓

And in other news, it appears that Saddam Hussein

appears hussein news saddam saddam-hussein

↓

has finally signed an agreement to let the U.S.

agreement finally signed

↓

inspect his military operations.

military operations

↓

When asked if he would uphold his side of the agreement,

agreement asked side uphold

↓

Hussein replied, quote, "Hey, relax, fella,

fella hussein quote relax

↓

you need a rest, guy."

rest

↓

Hey, Phillip,

phillip

↓

isn't that the smelly gentlemen

gentlemen smelly

↓

we've seen in pictures all over town?

pictures seen town

↓

Yes, it is, Terrance.

terrance

↓

According to that newsy,

according

↓

he's some kind of Turkish dictator.

dictator turkish

↓

Well, we can't just sit here and eat kroff dinner

dinner kroff kroff-dinner

↓

and let Canada be overrun by the Turks.

canada overrun turks

↓

That fart sounded like a ringing phone, Terrance.

fart phone ringing sounded terrance

↓

It sure did, Phillip.

phillip

↓

Oh, wait, that is the phone.

phone

↓

Hello?

↓

Terrance, this is Scott.

scott terrance

↓

Oh, hey... It's Scott.

scott

↓

Tell him he's a smelly bastard.

bastard smelly

↓

Phillip says hello, Scott.

phillip scott

↓

Just shut up and listen.

↓

You've unleashed a monster onto Canada.

canada monster unleashed

↓

And only you can get rid of him,

↓

even though I hate you and I wish you had cancer.

cancer hate wish

↓

You are such a dick, Scott.

dick scott

↓

You're a dick.

dick

↓

You're a dick.

dick

↓

You're a dick.

dick

↓

You're a dick.

dick

↓

You're a dick.

dick

↓

You're a dick.

dick

↓

- You're a dick. - You're a dick.

dick

↓

The two of you are the most annoying dicks in Canada.

annoying canada dicks

↓

You give other Canadians a bad name, and if I had my--

canadians name

↓

I'm sorry, Scott, could you hold on a minute?

minute scott

↓

Sure.

↓

How do you like that, Scott?

scott

↓

You son of a bitch, I'll get you if it's the last--

bitch

↓

Oh, wait, I have another call, Scott, can you hang on?

another hang scott

↓

Sure.

↓

Oh, that was Sir Smelly.

smelly

↓

He says hello.

↓

God damn it!

↓

Oh, wait a second, Scott.

scott second

↓

Sure. I mean, no!

↓

You listen to me.

↓

If you want to save Canada

canada save

↓

you'll meet me at Karl's Kroff Dinner Restaurant

dinner kroff kroff-dinner meet restaurant

↓

in half an hour.

half hour

↓

Oh, Ugly Bob, I'm so confused.

confused ugly

↓

I love your personality, but you are so wretchedly ugly.

love personality ugly

↓

Maybe the baby will have your face instead of mine.

baby face

↓

We can only hope.

hope

↓

I suppose we'll be okay

suppose

↓

as long as you keep that bag on your head.

head

↓

What's this?

↓

Hey there, my name's Saddam.

names saddam

↓

I'm a big fan of Polo.

↓

I've been searching a long time for you, Celine Dion.

celine celine-dion dion searching

↓

Oh, no you don't, she's my bitch.

bitch

↓

Hey, who are you?

↓

I'm Bob, but my friends call me "Ugly Bob"

friends ugly

↓

because I have the features of a deformed burn victim.

burn deformed features victim

↓

Really? I thought all Canadians looked alike.

alike canadians looked

↓

Let me see.

↓

Well, I'm sorry, guy.

↓

You know, I could cure that face of yours.

cure face

↓

You could?

↓

Sure. I just need a favor.

favor

↓

There's a Canadian football game tomorrow.

canadian football football-game game tomorrow

↓

The Ottawa Roughriders against the Vancouver Roughriders.

roughriders

↓

It's at that game that I will officially turn

game officially

↓

the Canadian flag over to my Iranian one.

canadian flag

↓

What? Why?

↓

Hey, don't worry about that, take a load off.

load worry

↓

Don't think about it, look over here.

↓

All I need is for Celine Dion

celine celine-dion dion

↓

to sing our Iranian national anthem at the game

anthem game national national-anthem sing

↓

to finalize my hostile takeover of Canada. What do you say?

canada hostile

↓

Did you say hostile takeover of Canada?

canada hostile

↓

No, no, relax there, fella.

fella relax

↓

Well, Scott said to meet him here but he's not showing up.

meet scott showing

↓

Well, while we're waiting,

waiting

↓

why don't we search for treasure?

search treasure

↓

Oh, good idea, let's search for treasure.

idea search treasure

↓

What are you idiots doing?

idiots

↓

We're looking for treasure.

looking treasure

↓

Is that some kind of metaphor

metaphor

↓

for a kind of search that can't be described?

described search

↓

No, we're searching for treasure.

searching treasure

↓

Listen, I have an inside scoop.

scoop

↓

There's an Iraqi dictator

dictator

↓

who is quietly and slowly taking over Canada.

canada quietly slowly

↓

Yes, you mean Saddam Smelly.

saddam smelly

↓

We saw him on the telly.

↓

Well, what are you two gonna do about it?

↓

What do you mean?

↓

It's your fault that he's here.

fault

↓

You brought the Iraqis back with you on your plane

brought plane

↓

when you rescued your kidnapped daughter.

daughter kidnapped rescued

↓

You mean we are to blame?

blame

↓

That's right, and now you must make amends.

amends must

↓

Tomorrow, Saddam will try to finalize his takeover of Canada

canada saddam tomorrow

↓

at the Roughriders/Roughriders football game.

football football-game game roughriders

↓

It will be your only shot at wiping them all out.

shot wiping

↓

Here, take this.

↓

What is this?

↓

It's a bomb.

bomb

↓

You must strap it to yourselves, go to the game,

game must strap yourselves

↓

and sacrifice your lives to take out Saddam's minions.

lives minions sacrifice

↓

That sounds scary.

scary sounds

↓

Well, you must do it for Canada.

canada must

↓

For Canada, Terrance.

canada terrance

↓

For Canada, Phillip.

canada phillip

↓

Yes, Terrance and Phillip.

phillip terrance

↓

And when the dust is settled

dust settled

↓

Canada will be rid of both the Iraqis

canada

↓

and your immature fart humor.

fart humor immature

↓

Well, Phillip, I'm very sad that we have to die for Canada.

canada phillip

↓

Yes.

↓

This bomb will blow us both to smithereens.

blow bomb

↓

But we really have no choice.

choice

↓

Only our deaths can bring Canada life.

bring canada deaths life

↓

That's funny.

funny

↓

Wait a minute, Terrance,

minute terrance

↓

that fart gives me pause.

fart gives pause

↓

Why is that?

↓

That smelly Saddam Hussein,

hussein saddam saddam-hussein smelly

↓

he uses German chemical warfare, does he not?

chemical german uses

↓

Yes, apparently he does.

apparently

↓

Terrance, get the phone book.

book phone terrance

↓

We must call every Canadian we can.

canadian must

↓

Oh, Phillip, it sounds like you have an idea.

idea phillip sounds

↓

I do, Terrance.

terrance

↓

And the Roughriders are really giving the Roughriders

giving roughriders

↓

a run for their money.

money

↓

All else aside, I must say that the Roughriders

aside must roughriders

↓

are simply outmatched by these Roughriders.

roughriders simply

↓

And that's going to take us to halftime.

halftime

↓

Be sure to stick around for the halftime show,

halftime stick

↓

Saddam and the Electric Iraqis,

electric saddam

↓

in a salute to hostile takeovers.

hostile salute takeovers

↓

Well, I guess it's time, old friend.

friend

↓

Yes, prepare the alert.

alert prepare

↓

Hello to my Canadian friends.

canadian friends

↓

Everybody, relax, take a rest, put your feet up.

everybody feet relax rest

↓

Those dogs are barking.

barking dogs

↓

You may have noticed some changes to your country.

changes country noticed

↓

Don't worry about that. The changes will continue.

changes continue worry

↓

I'm here to announce once and for all

announce

↓

that Canada will now be known as New Baghdad.

canada known

↓

You will bow down to me as your ruler.

ruler

↓

You will obey my laws or you will be killed.

killed laws obey

↓

And now you will sing the Iraqi national anthem

anthem national national-anthem sing

↓

or you will be stabbed in the head.

head stabbed

↓

Now, Phillip?

phillip

↓

Now, Terrance.

terrance

↓

Hey, what the hell is this?

↓

They're using chemical warfare.

chemical using

↓

How could they?

↓

We did it, Phillip.

phillip

↓

We destroyed the Turks!

destroyed turks

↓

Oh, glorious day.

glorious

↓

Terrance, Terrance, you've saved Canada.

canada saved terrance

↓

Oh, it was all Phillip's idea.

idea phillips

↓

God bless you, Phillip.

bless phillip

↓

Don't touch me, Ugly Bob.

touch ugly

↓

Hey, what the hell happened?

happened

↓

You were supposed to be blown up!

blown supposed

↓

We came up with a better plan.

plan

↓

You see, Scott, after all your criticism,

criticism scott

↓

it was farting that saved Canada.

canada farting saved

↓

Oh, that is so juvenile.

juvenile

↓

Hey, Scott, do you like apples?

apples scott

↓

Of course.

course

↓

How do you like them apples?

apples

↓

I hate you, Terrance and Phillip!

hate phillip terrance

↓

Oh, Celine Dion.

celine celine-dion dion

↓

You never finished that national anthem.

anthem finished national national-anthem

↓

You're right, Terrance, you're right.

terrance

↓

♪ O Canada, our home and native land ♪

canada home land native

↓

♪ True patriot love ♪

love

↓

♪ In all thy sons command ♪

command sons

↓

♪ With glowing hearts we see thee rise ♪

glowing hearts rise thee

↓

♪ The true north strong and free ♪

free north strong

↓

♪ From far and wide, O Canada ♪

canada wide

↓

♪ We stand on guard for thee ♪

guard stand thee

↓

♪ God, keep our land ♪

land

↓

♪ Glorious and free ♪

free glorious

↓

♪ O Canada ♪

canada

↓

♪ We stand on guard for thee ♪

guard stand thee

↓

♪ O Canada ♪

canada

↓

♪ We stand on guard for thee ♪

guard stand thee

↓

Who is Eric Cartman's father?

cartmans cartmans-father eric eric-cartmans eric-cartmans-father father

↓

Find out on an all-new "South Park"

park south south-park

↓

in just a few weeks.

weeks