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Home » South Park » S01E10 — Damien

South Park

Season 1, Episode 10 — Damien

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Damien

Air date: February 04, 1998

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Eric is handing out invitations to his birthday party at school. Mr. Garrison informs them all that there is a new student joining the class. Announcing to all that he is Damien, the son of Satan. Even as Damien demonstrates his demonic powers the children are more loathsome than impressed.

Source: TMDB

↓

That was a hoot and a holler.

holler hoot

↓

Did you like that "South Park"-ateers?

park south south-park

↓

- You bet! - That sure was

↓

a good episode, wasn't it?

episode

↓

But this next episode is our favorite episode.

episode favorite favorite-episode

↓

It's called "Damien" and it's about

called damien

↓

the ultimate fight between good and evil.

evil fight ultimate

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But more than that, it's about being the new kid in school.

school

↓

That's right, "South Park"-ateers.

park south south-park

↓

You know, being the new kid in school sure can be hard.

hard school

↓

Matt and I know from first-hand experience

experience hand matt

↓

because, well, we used to beat

beat used

↓

the crap out of the new kids all the time.

kids

↓

And because the episode has Jesus and Satan in it,

episode jesus satan

↓

well, we received a lot of complaints

complaints received

↓

from religious organizations from around the country.

country religious

↓

They said we were being blasphemous and sacrilegious.

↓

To which we say, well, you're all a bunch of

bunch

↓

Christian -heads.

christian heads

↓

Wow, you said a mouthful there.

mouthful

↓

Oh, hey, gang, it's our friend Indian companion.

companion friend gang indian indian-companion

↓

Someone coming.

coming

↓

We don't care.

care

↓

We don't care that someone's coming.

care coming someones

↓

Can't you say something else?

↓

It's always "Someone coming," "Someone coming."

coming

↓

We don't care. We--I hope someone comes.

care comes hope

↓

We like people.

↓

Kids, let's all tell Indian companion to go away.

companion indian indian-companion kids

↓

Go away, Indian companion!

companion indian indian-companion

↓

Well, now why don't we all sit back

↓

and get a little rowdy and watch "Damien."

damien rowdy watch

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Yee-haw!

↓

Hooray!

hooray

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Here you go, Kyle.

kyle

↓

And here's your, Stan. - What is this, Cartman?

cartman stan

↓

They're invitations to my birthday party

birthday birthday-party invitations party

↓

this weekend. - Oh, sweet.

sweet weekend

↓

Your mom's giving you a big party again this year?

giving moms party

↓

That's right. ♪ 'Cause it's my birthday ♪

birthday

↓

♪ My b-b-b-birthday ♪♪♪ - Kick ass, dude.

birthday kick

↓

Cartman's mom throws the best birthday parties ever!

best birthday birthday-parties cartmans parties throws

↓

That's right. - Yeah, if my mom could cook

cook

↓

like Cartman's mom, I'd be a big, fat-ass too.

cartmans

↓

That's ri--hey!

↓

Oh, Eric, I didn't get an invitation.

eric invitation

↓

Oh really?

↓

Gosh, where could I have put Pip's invitation?

gosh invitation

↓

Let's see... Pip's invitation,

invitation

↓

Pip's invitation...

invitation

↓

Oh, I remember.

remember

↓

I shoved it up my ass!

shoved

↓

Yes, that's right, I wrote it out,

wrote

↓

put it in an envelope, sealed it,

envelope sealed

↓

and then, bloop, shoved it right up my ass.

bloop shoved

↓

Forever ruining any chance you had

chance forever ruining

↓

of coming to my birthday party.

birthday birthday-party coming party

↓

Sorry Pip, old chap.

↓

Here's yours Wendy and here's yours Clyde.

clyde wendy

↓

Children, children, today is a very special day.

children children-children special today

↓

No, my birthday isn't until Saturday.

birthday saturday

↓

I'm not talking about your birthday, Eric.

birthday eric

↓

We have a new student joining our class today.

class class-today joining student today

↓

Ugh. - Now, some of you know

↓

what it's like to be the new kid in town.

town

↓

So I want you all to take special care

care special

↓

to make him feel welcome.

welcome

↓

I want you all to meet our new classmate--

classmate meet

↓

uh, what's your name again?

name

↓

Damien.

damien

↓

Say hi to Damien.

damien

↓

And where are you from, Damien?

damien

↓

The seventh layer of hell. - Oh that's exciting.

exciting layer seventh

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My mother was from Alabama.

alabama mother

↓

My arrival denotes end of the beginning.

arrival beginning

↓

The beginning of the end.

beginning

↓

The new reign of my father.

father reign

↓

Your father? - The Prince of Darkness.

darkness father prince

↓

Wow, we have royalty in our class.

class royalty

↓

Why don't you take your seat, Damien.

damien seat

↓

We're gonna finish our lesson on great singers

finish lesson singers

↓

of the Baroque era.

↓

Now children, Nancy Sinatra was quite a choice piece of ass...

children choice nancy piece

↓

Hey, new kid, do you want an invitation

invitation

↓

to my birthday party? - Here begins the rule of pain.

begins birthday birthday-party pain party rule

↓

The new domination of-- - Psyche!

↓

I wasn't gonna give you an invitation.

invitation

↓

Hey, who cut your hair, Stevie Wonder?

hair stevie wonder

↓

Whoa, dude! - Damn, what a freak!

freak whoa

↓

- Hey, I had a Poofy Pie in that desk!

desk

↓

Now feel the wrath of the fallen angel.

angel fallen wrath

↓

The plague of blight is upon thee.

plague thee

↓

Damien, do you need to sit in time out for a few minutes?

damien minutes

↓

Heh. ♪ You got in trouble ♪

trouble

↓

♪ You got in trouble ♪

trouble

↓

Hey, Cartman, how come the birthday invitation

birthday cartman invitation

↓

you gave me says, "Green Mega Man"?

green mega

↓

Yeah, mine says, "Red Mega Man".

mega

↓

Right, that's what you're supposed to get me

supposed

↓

for my birthday. - Dude...

birthday

↓

You're not supposed to tell people what to get you

supposed

↓

for your birthday. - Yeah, that's weak.

birthday weak

↓

Look, it's very simple, guys.

simple

↓

Green Mega Man goes with Red Mega Man

green mega

↓

and Yellow Mega Man to make the Ultra Mega Mega Man.

mega ultra yellow yellow-mega

↓

You have to have all three or it doesn't work, see?

three

↓

Up yours, Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.

cartman

↓

Oh, so maybe you don't want to have any of my mom's

moms

↓

cake pan ice cream, then.

cake cream

↓

Oh, Green Mega Man it is.

green mega

↓

Now as you can see Kenny,

kenny

↓

you are to get me Yellow Mega Man.

mega yellow yellow-mega

↓

That's because Yellow Mega Man is the cheapest one,

mega yellow yellow-mega

↓

and I know how poor your family is.

family poor

↓

Hey, what you think you're doing, new kid?

↓

Yeah you can't sit with us, weirdo.

weirdo

↓

Infidels! I will turn you all into beasts of burden!

beasts burden

↓

You can't sit us with us new kid.

↓

Go find another table.

another table

↓

Any way Kenny, Yellow Mega Man is only 8.95.

kenny mega yellow yellow-mega

↓

So maybe your mom can put it on layaway

↓

and make payments for a year or two.

payments

↓

Hey! Oh, good day, Damien.

damien

↓

My name is Phillip, but everyone calls me "Pip",

calls name phillip

↓

because they hate me! - Then I will call you Pip.

hate

↓

Right-o. - Hey, new kid.

↓

Kenny says he saw your mom drop you off this morning,

drop kenny morning

↓

and she's a real dog.

real

↓

That does it! Woof-ah!

woof

↓

What the-- - Dude, he turned Kenny

kenny turned

↓

into a duck-billed platypus!

billed duck

↓

A what?

↓

Hey, turn him back, you butthole.

butthole

↓

He has to buy me the Yellow Mega Man.

mega yellow yellow-mega

↓

Hello there, children.

children

↓

Hey, Chef. - How's it going?

chef

↓

Bad. - Why bad?

↓

Chef, there's a new kid in school

chef school

↓

and he's a total weirdo freak.

freak total weirdo

↓

Oh, children, children.

children children-children

↓

You shouldn't not like somebody

somebody

↓

just because they're different.

↓

Here let me sing you a little song.

sing song

↓

♪ We're all special in our own way ♪

special

↓

♪ Everybody's different but that's okay ♪

everybodys

↓

♪ 'Cause even though we might have different color skin ♪

color might skin

↓

♪ Different points of views, be tall or thin ♪

points tall thin views

↓

♪ It doesn't mean I can't lay you down, woman ♪

woman

↓

♪ And touch your silky skin ♪

skin touch

↓

♪ Put my love deep inside you ♪

deep love

↓

♪ Where no man has ever been ♪

↓

♪ Rub your legs ♪

legs

↓

♪ Caress your thighs, and-- ♪

caress thighs

↓

What were we talking about again?

↓

The new kid. - Death to the holy.

death holy

↓

The wrath of the fallen angels now waits for you all!

angels fallen waits wrath

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Oh, that is one fudged-up little cracker.

cracker

↓

We told you, dude.

↓

We've got to do something, children!

children

↓

He's tearing my cafeteria apart.

apart cafeteria tearing

↓

Bring me Jesus!

bring jesus

↓

My wrath shall continue until I speak with Jesus!

continue jesus speak wrath

↓

Jesus?

jesus

↓

Two minutes to air, Jesus.

jesus minutes

↓

Thanks Roland, blessed art thou.

blessed roland thanks thou

↓

Jesus, Jesus! - Hi kids.

jesus jesus-jesus kids

↓

I only do autographs after the show.

↓

No, no, there's a big problem at school.

problem school

↓

Some new kid showed up wearing all black.

black showed wearing

↓

And Chef thinks he's evil.

chef evil thinks

↓

Yeah, look what he did to our friend Kenny.

friend friend-kenny kenny

↓

Wow, that's pretty heavy.

heavy

↓

This new kid, he just keeps throwing things around,

keeps throwing

↓

and saying stuff about his "Dark Prince" father coming.

coming dark father prince stuff

↓

He says he wants to talk to you.

wants

↓

- The Dark Prince? - Yeah.

dark prince

↓

So it was written. And so the cycle of years

cycle written years

↓

brings the son of the evil one.

brings evil

↓

Oh brother, now he's talking like the new kid.

brother

↓

Thou must taketh me to the seedling of Satan

must satan taketh thou

↓

so mine eyes can confirm the wretched truth.

confirm eyes truth wretched

↓

'Kay.

↓

Five minutes

five five-minutes minutes

↓

until recess is over, you little bastards.

bastards recess

↓

Now, as you can see

↓

the Red Mega Man uses the Mega Cycle,

cycle mega uses

↓

which is what Clyde will be getting me for my birthday.

birthday clyde

↓

Wendy, you were supposed to get me

supposed wendy

↓

the Mega Power Chopper, illustrated here.

chopper mega power

↓

But I'm changing your present to the Yellow Mega Man,

changing mega present yellow yellow-mega

↓

since Kenny has been turned into a duck-billed platypus.

billed duck kenny turned

↓

That means that the Mega Man Beach House illustrated here,

beach beach-house house mega

↓

will be a gift given by two people at once

gift given

↓

since it costs more money.

costs money

↓

Our slide!

slide

↓

Feel my wrath!

wrath

↓

Oh, dear, you shouldn't be so upset, Damien.

damien dear upset

↓

I know it's hard being the new kid,

hard

↓

but the children may accept you some day.

accept children

↓

I don't need acceptance I'm the son of Satan.

acceptance satan

↓

Believe me, I know what it's like not to have friends.

believe friends

↓

Perhaps you should speak to the school counselor.

counselor perhaps school school-counselor speak

↓

He helps me a lot when I'm feeling lonely.

feeling helps lonely

↓

Damien!

damien

↓

Aah, son of stench.

stench

↓

Cursed ruler of the weak.

cursed ruler weak

↓

So it is thou. Son of Lucifer!

lucifer thou

↓

Your time on this earth is short.

earth short

↓

Soon, my father comes.

comes father

↓

Let him come, then. I shall stop him.

↓

Behold, he is already upon us.

behold

↓

Oh dude!

↓

What the hell's going on here?

hells

↓

Look it's that guy from the public access show.

access public public-access

↓

What's happening?

↓

Come over here if you're scared, women.

scared women

↓

I'll protect you.

protect

↓

Not you, damn it!

↓

Jesus, my father says he chooses you.

chooses father jesus

↓

He calls you out.

calls

↓

Be here at this time tomorrow.

tomorrow

↓

There the terms will be discussed.

discussed terms

↓

Very well. Let the final battle

battle final

↓

between good and evil be fought,

evil fought

↓

right here in South Park!

park south south-park

↓

C'mon Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie!

asses bookie

↓

You're gonna fight Satan?

fight satan

↓

This fight has been ordained since the beginning.

beginning fight

↓

My children, this is most crucial and serious time

children crucial serious

↓

of all history.

history

↓

Who will win our souls?

souls

↓

Our savior and lord... - Or the Prince of Darkness?

darkness lord prince savior

↓

It's the final battle between good and evil.

battle evil final

↓

And it's only on pay-per-view.

view

↓

Jesus vs. Satan

jesus satan

↓

Live from the South Park Forum on Saturday!

forum live park saturday south south-park

↓

Call now to order. Only $49.95.

order

↓

Hey, wait a minute. Saturday is my birthday party!

birthday birthday-party minute party saturday

↓

They can't have the fight on Saturday!

fight saturday

↓

I don't know

↓

what to do, dude. Do we go to the fight

fight

↓

or Cartman's birthday? - Cartman's birthday.

birthday cartmans

↓

We can't miss the final apocalyptic battle

battle final miss

↓

between good and evil. - You guys,

evil

↓

my mom's getting a Ferris wheel.

ferris ferris-wheel moms wheel

↓

Well, c'mon we have to at least see the weigh-in.

least weigh

↓

Who the hell decided the fight

decided fight

↓

had to be on Saturday, huh?

saturday

↓

This whole thing is a plot against me, isn't it?

plot whole

↓

When is Satan gonna show up?

satan

↓

Did the devil show up yet? - Not yet.

devil

↓

Hey Jesus, if you win the fight

fight jesus

↓

can you turn Kenny back to normal?

kenny normal

↓

What the hell do you mean "if" I win the fight?

fight

↓

Don't mind him, Jesus. He's Jewish.

jesus jewish mind

↓

Oh. - We're all with you Jesus.

jesus

↓

We put every dime we have on you beating that Dark Prince.

beating dark dime prince

↓

Thank you for your faith,

faith

↓

but I think perhaps you don't understand

perhaps

↓

the severity of the situation.

severity situation

↓

You're gonna kick his ass, Jesus.

jesus kick

↓

Behold, the evil one approaches.

approaches behold evil

↓

Holy poop-on-a-stick!

holy poop stick

↓

Puny son of Jehovah.

jehovah

↓

Prepare to enter thy house of pain.

enter house pain prepare

↓

Holy crap, dude. Satan is huge!

holy huge satan

↓

Now that is a man who has eaten a lot of beef.

beef eaten

↓

Son of God,

↓

I will smash thy face into small little bits.

bits face smash

↓

Oh...oh, yeah? - Damn.

↓

I have such delightful horrors

delightful

↓

to unleash upon thee.

thee unleash

↓

Oh, yeah?

↓

Satan weighs in at...

satan weighs

↓

320 pounds, 4 ounces.

pounds

↓

Jesus Christ weighs in at...

christ jesus jesus-christ weighs

↓

135 pounds, 1 ounce.

ounce pounds

↓

Oh, crap.

↓

Ah, c'mon, I weigh more than that!

weigh

↓

Let the new prince be decided on Saturday.

decided prince saturday

↓

First South Park, then the world.

park south south-park world

↓

Well, I think I'll...

↓

I think I left the oven on.

left oven

↓

Yeah, I think I left your oven on, too.

left oven

↓

See you Saturday, Jesus. Good luck.

jesus luck saturday

↓

Change my bet! - Put my money on the devil!

change devil money

↓

I want to change my bet to Satan.

change satan

↓

Me too. - Hey, wait. I was here first.

↓

Now, as your counselor,

counselor

↓

I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, m'kay?

mkay

↓

Being the new kid can be tough,

tough

↓

but I'm your friend, m'kay? - Everybody hates me.

everybody everybody-hates friend hates mkay

↓

Well why do you suppose that is?

suppose

↓

Because I'm the son of the devil?

devil

↓

Uh-huh, that's a good start. Why else?

start

↓

Because I burn them and kill them?

burn kill

↓

Well, yeah, maybe that's it.

↓

What you need to do, Damien

damien

↓

is to be overly nice.

overly

↓

No matter how mean the other kids are to you,

kids matter

↓

just don't retaliate.

↓

Be passive, m'kay.

mkay passive

↓

That's what I taught the little British boy, Pip,

british taught

↓

and just look at how much the other children like him now.

children

↓

I bet I can spit the most on him.

spit

↓

Oh yeah, I bet I can spit in his hair.

hair spit

↓

Nice try, a little higher and you've got it.

higher

↓

Man, recess sucks without any slides or nothing.

recess slides sucks

↓

Oh, here comes the unholy butthole now.

butthole comes unholy

↓

Hey, thanks a lot

thanks

↓

for burning everything down, you little bitch.

bitch burning

↓

I apologize for ruining your playground

apologize playground ruining

↓

and turning your friend into a duck-billed platypus.

billed duck friend turning

↓

I was doing my father's bidding.

bidding fathers

↓

I didn't have a choice.

choice

↓

Oh, excuse me, new kid

excuse

↓

I didn't mean to fart on you I didn't have a choice.

choice fart

↓

Hoo, you stink, new kid. You smell like a fart.

fart smell stink

↓

Yeah, we're gonna call you Fartboy from now on.

↓

Bye-bye, Fartboy. - See ya.

↓

Good day. How are you, Damien?

damien

↓

Those guys farted on me and then called me--

called farted

↓

Fartboy? Oh, good.

↓

Perhaps they won't call me that anymore.

anymore perhaps

↓

Excuse me...

excuse

↓

I just talked to the bookie at the sports betting bar.

betting bookie sports talked

↓

Uh-oh.

↓

I have been forsaken! It seems that several bets

bets seems several

↓

were changed to Satan this morning.

changed morning satan

↓

In fact it seems that only one person

fact person seems

↓

in this entire town is still betting on me.

betting entire town

↓

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

ashamed yourselves

↓

Betting against your lord and savior.

betting lord savior

↓

I am disgusted!

disgusted

↓

Your bet was changed as well.

changed

↓

You forsaked me too.

↓

Oh. Right, well...

↓

he does have a couple hundred pounds on you, Jesus.

couple hundred jesus pounds

↓

I implore you all, don't bet on the Dark One.

dark

↓

It is a bet that you will never win.

↓

Jesus, I am sorry I have sinned against you.

jesus sinned

↓

I'm gonna march right over to that bookie

bookie march

↓

and change my bet right now.

change

↓

Oh, yeah, yeah me too. Me too.

↓

Yeah. - Praise the Lord!

lord praise

↓

Thank you sweet Jesus for showing us the light!

jesus light showing sweet sweet-jesus

↓

See you later.

↓

What the hell does he think, we're all crazy?

crazy

↓

Yeah, crazy.

crazy

↓

This show's gay. - Yeah.

shows

↓

You're all a bunch of Judases.

bunch

↓

Hey Jesus.

jesus

↓

What are you doing out so late, kids?

kids late

↓

We have to find Red and Green Mega Mans

green mans mega

↓

for Cartman's birthday party. - Oh.

birthday birthday-party cartmans party

↓

Kids, you believe I can beat Satan, right?

beat believe kids satan

↓

Sure, dude. You're the son of god!

↓

Yeah. You aren't having any doubts, are you?

doubts having

↓

N-no, no.

↓

But could you help me train a little?

train

↓

Satan, what do expect the outcome of the fight to be?

expect fight outcome satan

↓

I will crush him like a little bug.

crush

↓

Satan, what about the rumors of your involvement

involvement rumors satan

↓

in the Gulf War?

↓

Let's focus on the fight, can we please?

fight focus

↓

I'm so sick of people talking smack about my fighters.

fighters sick smack

↓

All this, "He's mean", "He's a dirty fighter",

dirty fighter

↓

"He's the cause for all the violence and death

death violence

↓

in the world." It's just getting old.

world

↓

Let's just let everything be decided in the ring.

decided ring

↓

You guys, shouldn't you be out shopping

shopping

↓

for my birthday presents? - Here, Jesus,

birthday jesus presents

↓

drink these raw eggs. - No way, dude.

drink eggs

↓

I-I can't.

↓

I can't hit Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

My mother would never speak to me again.

mother speak

↓

But you're his sparing partner, Chef.

chef partner

↓

Yeah, you have to hit him.

↓

Satan must be defeated, Chef.

chef defeated must satan

↓

Please help me to train. - Okay...

train

↓

But I'm just gonna tap you, all right?

↓

Give it your best shot--oh!

best best-shot shot

↓

Oh, God in heaven. What have I done?

heaven

↓

Anybody get the number of that truck?

anybody number truck

↓

C'mon kiddies, eat more.

↓

Welcome, Clyde. Please put your present

clyde present welcome

↓

on the table to your left.

left table

↓

Welcome, Debbie. Presents go to your left.

debbie left presents welcome

↓

Welcome, Chef. - Yep.

chef welcome

↓

Here's your present, children.

children present

↓

Well, nice party. See you later.

party

↓

Hey, you just got here, Chef.

chef

↓

I know, but the fight is starting.

fight starting

↓

But, dude, check it out. Cartman's mom made chili.

cartmans check chili

↓

Mm. - Mmm.

↓

That's my favorite kind of chili.

chili favorite

↓

I guess all the kids are at that fat boy's birthday party.

birthday birthday-party boys kids party

↓

Yes. It's always such a huge event.

event huge

↓

Sometimes I like to sneak up to the fence

fence sneak sometimes

↓

and close my eyes and pretend I'm there.

close eyes pretend

↓

The other kids have always hated you?

hated kids

↓

Oh, yes. Actually, I think they make fun

fun

↓

of the fat boy a lot too. But now I think they like him

↓

because he picks on me.

picks

↓

In the blue corner, wearing white trunks,

blue corner trunks wearing white

↓

weighing in at a mere 140 pounds,

mere pounds weighing

↓

Jesús

↓

"El Savior"

savior

↓

Christ.

christ

↓

And in the very, very, black corner

black corner

↓

wearing very, very black trunks.

black trunks wearing

↓

The king of all that is evil...

evil king

↓

Beelzebub!

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

let's get ready to rumble!

ready rumble

↓

Okay, I want a good, clean fight, guys.

clean fight

↓

No punches below the belt, holding, or miracles.

belt holding miracles punches

↓

Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing here?

↓

Yeah you aren't invited, new kid.

invited

↓

And neither are you, Pip. - Yes, I tried to tell Damien

damien tried

↓

that we weren't invited, but-- - Wait a minute.

invited minute

↓

Give me a chance!

chance

↓

I want to do something special for your party!

party special

↓

Oh, no!

↓

Wow. - Whoa, that was cool.

cool whoa

↓

Hey, you're not such a bad guy,

↓

after all, Damien. - Yeah.

damien

↓

Come on in and join the party.

join party

↓

Oh!

↓

Oh!

↓

C'mon you little wuss, fight!

fight wuss

↓

Throw a punch.

punch throw

↓

Oh, I wonder what Stan got me for my birthday present.

birthday birthday-present present stan wonder

↓

Oh, look a Blue Mega Man! Thank you, Stan.

blue mega stan

↓

You may eat pie and cake and ice cream now.

cake cream

↓

And what did Wendy get me?

wendy

↓

Oh, it's the Yellow Mega Man!

mega yellow yellow-mega

↓

Help yourself to pie, cake, and ice cream, Wendy.

cake cream wendy

↓

Oh, look what Kyle got me.

kyle

↓

It's a Red Mega--

mega

↓

Ants in the Pants? Ants in the pan--

ants pants

↓

Ants in the pants!

ants pants

↓

It's game, dude. It's really fun!

fun game

↓

You son of a bitch! - Ah!

bitch

↓

You were supposed to get me the Red Mega Man!

mega supposed

↓

Now I can't make Ultra Mega Mega Man!

mega ultra

↓

You dirty, cheap-ass, piece of crap.

cheap dirty piece

↓

They were all out of 'em, dude!

↓

I hate you! I want you to die!

hate

↓

Die!

↓

That's it! Party is over!

party

↓

Everybody go home!

everybody home

↓

Get the hell out I said!

↓

Party's over! Get out God damn it!

partys

↓

Whoa, dude, you need to mellow out.

mellow whoa

↓

Take your stupid Ants in the Pants with you!

ants pants stupid

↓

Wow, that kid has some real emotional problems.

emotional problems real

↓

Ah, he does this all the time.

↓

C'mon children, we can still catch

catch children

↓

the end of the fight.

fight

↓

Oh, what a splendid party!

party splendid

↓

Oh!

↓

Fight, damn it.

fight

↓

Ow!

↓

Dude, Jesus is getting his butt kicked.

butt jesus kicked

↓

You've got to fight, Jesus.

fight jesus

↓

Why, what's the point?

point

↓

No one believes in me.

believes

↓

Everyone put their money on Satan.

money satan

↓

My father forsaked me, the town forsaked me.

father town

↓

I'm completely forsook.

completely

↓

Somebody bet on you, Jesus. You said yourself

jesus somebody

↓

that one person still has money on you.

money person

↓

It doesn't matter. He's way too strong

matter strong

↓

for me anyway I give up.

↓

God damn it, Jesus, snap out of it!

jesus snap

↓

What would Nancy Kerrigan do, huh?

kerrigan nancy nancy-kerrigan

↓

Nancy Kerrigan wouldn't give up.

kerrigan nancy nancy-kerrigan

↓

When things were looking their darkest

darkest looking

↓

Nancy Kerrigan fought to be the best.

best fought kerrigan nancy nancy-kerrigan

↓

She wouldn't stop until she was number one.

number

↓

Uh, Stan. - Nancy Kerrigan wouldn't

kerrigan nancy nancy-kerrigan stan

↓

settle for second best. - Stan.

best second settle stan

↓

She wouldn't quit until she brought home the gold.

brought gold home quit

↓

Stan! - What?

stan

↓

Nancy Kerrigan got the silver, dude.

kerrigan nancy nancy-kerrigan silver

↓

She came in second.

second

↓

Really? - Yeah, dude.

↓

Oh, never mind, Jesus. Nancy Kerrigan sucks.

jesus kerrigan mind nancy nancy-kerrigan sucks

↓

You know, somebody once said,

somebody

↓

"Don't try to be a great man. Just be a man."

↓

Who said that? - You did, Jesus.

jesus

↓

You're right, Stan.

stan

↓

Thank you, boys.

boys

↓

Wow, did he say that in the Bible?

bible

↓

No, I saw it on "Star Trek." - Hmm.

star star-trek trek

↓

C'mon, sissy, hit me! Hit me.

sissy

↓

Okay, pal, you asked for it.

asked

↓

Oh, you got me.

↓

One, two, three...

three

↓

No way! He barely touched him.

barely touched

↓

Seven, eight... - Aww, come on!

eight seven seven-eight

↓

Nine, ten. - This is ridiculous.

nine ridiculous

↓

You're out!

↓

Our savior! - The winner by knockout

knockout savior winner

↓

and still undisputed ruler of your spiritual kingdom.

kingdom ruler spiritual

↓

Jesús

↓

"El Savior"

savior

↓

Christ.

christ

↓

Hey, he isn't hurt. He took a dive.

dive hurt

↓

He threw the fight. - Yeah!

fight threw

↓

Fools. You are all fools.

fools

↓

Of course I took a dive.

course dive

↓

Don't you see? Who do you think was

↓

the one person that bet on Jesus to win?

jesus person

↓

Me, you idiots.

idiots

↓

And now I will take all your hard-earned money,

earned hard money

↓

and return to hell a much richer Prince of Darkness

darkness prince return

↓

and buy some real estate. Ha, ha,ha, ha!

estate real real-estate

↓

I don't believe this!

believe

↓

Yeah. What a mean thing to do.

↓

Farewell, fools.

farewell fools

↓

Man, that guy is a jerk.

jerk

↓

Jesus told you guys not to bet on Satan.

jesus satan

↓

Boy, did we get screwed.

screwed

↓

Jesus, we're sorry.

jesus

↓

Can you ever forgive us?

forgive

↓

Aw, heck, do I have a choice?

choice heck

↓

Well Jesus, I definitely learned my lesson.

jesus learned lesson

↓

Never bet on evil because when you do--

evil

↓

Ned, look!

↓

There's a rare duck-billed platypus!

billed duck rare

↓

It's coming right for us!

coming

↓

Oh, my God. They killed Kenny.

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastard!

bastard

↓

Well, good-bye, guys.

↓

It was nice getting to know you.

↓

You're leaving already? - I have to.

leaving

↓

My dad is always on the move. - Wow.

↓

I feel kind of bad for that kid.

↓

Yeah, just when he was being accepted

accepted

↓

he has to leave and start over.

start

↓

Parents can be so cruel. Don't they realize that

cruel parents realize

↓

what a child needs more than anything is security?

child needs security

↓

More pie, hon?

↓

No...more...pie.