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Home » South Park » S01E09 — Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

South Park

Season 1, Episode 9 — Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

TMDB episode metadata
Show: South Park
Episode title: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Air date: December 17, 1997
Directors: Matt Stone, Trey Parker
Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell
South Park Elementary is on stage rehearsing for the schools play. Kyle begins to sing a song about Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. Of course, no one has any idea what the heck he's singing about. Kyle explains that Mr. Hankey comes every year to all the good boys and girls who have a lot of fiber in their diet. Everyone thinks he's insane and he gets sent to a mental institute.
Source: TMDB
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Howdy-ho, all you South Park-eteers out there.
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Howdy-ho!
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I'm rootin', tootin' Trey Parker.
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I'm pistol-slingin' Matt Stone.
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And this here's ol' Scratch.
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Say hi, ol' fella.
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Hi, Scratch!
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You know, Matt and I are right excited,
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because this episode of "South Park" is favorite episode.
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That's right. It was our Christmas special
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entitled, "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo."
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In it, the little Jewish kid Kyle
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is visited by a talking candy bar.
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That's right, South Park-eteers.
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And the reason that this episode is our favorite
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is 'cause it was the first one
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to introduce the school counselor, Mr. Mackey.
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He was based on an actual counselor I had
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in junior high school.
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Why, I used to run around the hallways, getting in trouble,
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and he'd say, "Trey, you need to calm down
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and get back to your schoolwork, 'mkay?"
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And now I'm making a million dollars off of him!
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Hurray!
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And like all of our episodes,
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this episode has an important moral lesson.
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The moral of this episode is
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is that everyone, regardless of your religion,
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should celebrate Christmas, because it's the best holiday.
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- Yeah. - Hurray!
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Oh, look, it's our Indian companion friend,
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Indian Companion. Hello, Indian Companion.
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- Say hi, kids. - Hi!
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Someone's coming.
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Thank you.
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Anyway, why don't you all sit back, relax,
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and have a rootin', tootin' good time
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with "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Chocolate Bar."
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Hurray!
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
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♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
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Lights, please.
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And there were, in the same country,
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shepherds abiding in the field,
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keeping watch over their flock by night.
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And lo the angel of the lord came upon them,
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and they were so afraid.
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And the angel said unto them, "Fear not,
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"for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy.
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"For born unto you this day in the City of David,
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"is the savior, Jesus Christ, our lord.
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"Glory to god in the highest and on earth peace,
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and good will towards man."
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And now, South Park Elementary presents,
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the birth of Jesus.
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Come on Mary, push!
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I can see its head!
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It's a boy.
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Oh.
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Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait!
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Kyle, what the hell was that?
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You need to hold the baby by the legs,
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not by the head.
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What kind of sick weirdo are you?
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Sorry. - And Wendy,
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I'm still not believing the labor pains.
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Okay. - Mr. Garrison,
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what the hell do you think you're doing?
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Well, I'm trying to direct the school Christmas play.
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But your son was holding baby Jesus' fetus by the head.
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How dare you include the nativity
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in a school play!
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Don't you realize my son is Jewish?
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So?
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So what makes you think he should play Joseph?
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Because it's Christmas.
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Our family doesn't celebrate Christmas.
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You're not gonna lay that Chanukah crap on me, are you?
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What, what, what?
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You're not going to get away with this Mr. Garrison!
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Good, Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas!
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Shut up fat boy!
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I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
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Why are you Jewish on Christmas, Kyle?
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Kyle is there anything you can do for the Christmas play
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that isn't related to Jesus?
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How about the dreidel song, bubby?
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I can sing "The Mr. Hankey Song."
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The Mr. Hankey Song, how does that go?
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♪ Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo ♪
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♪ He loves me and I love you ♪
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Christmas Poo?
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What the hell is Christmas Poo?
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Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo.
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Haven't you guys ever heard of him?
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Kyle, that is enough!
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See, that's what you get when you raise your child
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to be a pagan! - Now, that does it!
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I am going straight to the mayor about you!
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Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry.
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Was it the pagan remark?
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You guys, look.
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It's snowing.
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Whoa! Christmas snow.
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Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue.
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It's fun.
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Oh, sick, dude.
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Hey! What the hell are you doing?
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Jewish people can't eat Christmas snow.
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We can too.
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No, I think it's against the law, dude.
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Officer Barbrady? - What?
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Is it illegal for Jews to eat Christmas snow?
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Yes. - Damn it!
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Hey, come on, guys.
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We have to go tell Santa Claus what we want for Christmas.
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Yeah, we'll see you later, Kyle.
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Guess there's no reason for you to come
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since you don't get Christmas presents.
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No, but I get Chanukah presents for eight days.
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Too bad it's usually a dreidel
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or something lame like that.
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We'll catch up with you later Kyle.
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Wait, I may not have Santa,
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but I do have Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo.
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What is it this about Christmas Poo, dude?
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Mr. Hankey, he comes out of the toilet every year,
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and gives presents to everybody
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who has a lot of fiber in their diet.
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Kyle come on, seriously,
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you are really reaching right now.
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Well, you're gonna be sorry when you see me
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riding around on Santa's sleigh
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with Mr. Hankey, fat ass!
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You're not gonna ride on Santa's sleigh
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because you're a Jew, Kyle.
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See ya' dude.
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♪ It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas ♪
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♪ My friends won't let me join in any games ♪
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♪ And I can't sing Christmas songs ♪
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♪ Or decorate a Christmas tree ♪
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♪ Or leave water out for Rudolph ♪
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♪ 'Cause there's something wrong with me ♪
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♪ My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity ♪
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♪ I'm a Jew ♪
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♪ A lonely Jew ♪
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♪ On Christmas ♪
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♪ Chanukah is nice but why is it ♪
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♪ That Santa passes over my house every year ♪
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♪ And instead of eating ham I have to eat kosher latkes ♪
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♪ Instead of "Silent Night" I'm singing ♪
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♪ And what the is up ♪
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♪ With lighting all these candles ♪
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♪ Tell me please ♪
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♪ I'm a Jew ♪
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♪ A lonely Jew ♪
lonely
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♪ I'd be merry but I'm Hebrew ♪
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♪ On Christmas ♪
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Okay everybody, settle down.
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Mayor, we are deeply offended by the nativity scene
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in front of the capital office.
capitalfrontoffice
↓
2394fa43-fe12-4d85-abef-a187f1fbe824.gif
Church and state are separate!
churchseparatestate
↓
9f127b74-332b-44f9-83e1-852905106ce1.gif
No! - No!
↓
e7f9d7a3-5672-4a91-aac1-d49d809e8681.gif
What's going on you guys?
↓
3abf017a-9fa9-43b2-aec5-25ccd92efdf9.gif
The whole town's pissed off at each other.
pissedtownswhole
↓
e38879a7-21db-437f-8a86-8d9228f06eb9.gif
It's really sweet. - That isn't all, mayor,
mayorsweet
↓
f4867a14-894c-4202-8614-f4c31ce7e56b.gif
the school play is doing a nativity scene.
sceneschool
↓
ed09b054-b33e-494b-be15-f365cbd6c9cf.gif
It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.
communityjewishsensitive
↓
89f74e42-9e40-4259-bcc0-b0664eecf800.gif
You are the Jewish community.
communityjewish
↓
695d6f38-d8dd-481c-991f-43669db248a0.gif
Yeah! - Yeah!
↓
c602076e-4e33-4434-9fde-39355e546439.gif
Oh boy, super bitch is at it again.
bitchsuper
↓
1fe309da-f95c-4021-b9eb-b36c7ec2cbe5.gif
Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
bitchcartman
↓
7abe06f4-dea4-4dfe-b73d-bc8b6f6cf7fd.gif
Mayor, the nativity is what Christmas is all about.
christmasmayor
↓
13df76dd-5bc2-4a48-bfd5-24abd909b173.gif
If you remove Christ,
christremove
↓
621ed3bb-7ff8-4966-8004-981e0a8c1cc8.gif
you must remove Santa and Frosty
mustremovesanta
↓
a8ac0038-9e95-4d10-915e-099223674def.gif
and all that garbage too!
garbage
↓
e447ad68-87a1-4492-913c-4f3034f73f94.gif
Hallelujah!
hallelujah
↓
278cc714-3e74-4ab6-811b-eb6e5e87e96d.gif
And we must put a stop to
must
↓
71daf8f9-8af3-4855-87ba-6b6487b5049b.gif
the cutting down of Christmas trees!
christmaschristmas-treescuttingtrees
↓
fb268920-1790-446a-b4d5-22a0a52729ef.gif
Gimme a break!
break
↓
1f540434-1fb8-4b9c-bcf3-ab9ebb74313e.gif
And I'm sick and tired of those
sicktired
↓
b27b4277-937a-4c2e-9cf6-a028c0f1125c.gif
little flaps on coffee lids!
coffee
↓
5fad2cd1-4245-4eb6-9609-4ad2cc2d0a89.gif
If you don't want to spill your coffee,
coffeespill
↓
e88ad655-bd7c-485f-a618-e85e811cb87d.gif
then you shouldn't be drivin' with it!
↓
04a2e3a7-ff7f-4b49-be84-ba98a49b66e0.gif
Yeah! Yeah! - Okay people,
↓
e9408f09-288d-4135-8798-4beb8aa32afb.gif
clearly we need to reach a compromise.
compromisereach
↓
6172500b-8677-4da4-96d3-12f86b51b95d.gif
Perhaps we need a new icon for Christmas.
christmasiconperhaps
↓
ee2b34a3-03a9-4a48-8066-523f7639120f.gif
Brilliant idea, mayor.
brilliantbrilliant-ideaideamayor
↓
43e9871f-226f-498d-9eb6-f6128510621d.gif
Hey, how about Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo?
christmashankey
↓
b1171272-30b8-4147-808c-e15ccaa45666.gif
Excuse me?
excuse
↓
27711dae-69b3-4b1d-8bd2-55b40dbfcb3a.gif
Oh boy, here we go again.
↓
24d19b86-a73b-4e5e-a5f7-af1a515b59c5.gif
He comes out of the toilet every year
comestoilet
↓
aff05a2d-45f6-4115-b407-a35ac38a6b36.gif
and gives presents to everybody
everybodygivespresents
↓
79a14392-e4ca-44bc-9f92-f032c7cce382.gif
who has a lot of fiber in their diet.
dietfiber
↓
8e92e324-e89e-4f37-bfa4-405e8fbe7955.gif
Kyle, shh!
kyle
↓
4731bb4a-5da8-44d1-90ba-432fea072aaf.gif
It's true, he doesn't care what faith you are.
carefaith
↓
4bf04208-2e96-4228-a58d-016450333ccc.gif
♪ Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo ♪
christmashankey
↓
2333af73-e2fd-4971-a562-98a126f6ac63.gif
♪ He loves me and I love you ♪
loveloves
↓
ff966c32-02b7-4a35-b0f4-18d82301b366.gif
♪ Therefore... ♪ - Don't mind him.
mindtherefore
↓
e051fcbc-f5b4-4c9b-b8e1-76b77321ad99.gif
He's a very disturbed little boy.
disturbed
↓
f2f09efe-e5bc-4cd2-9250-4fbebe122be1.gif
Okay Kyle, we're leaving right now.
kyleleaving
↓
c9a27977-e079-4e3f-9217-35ae64fba6a6.gif
Wait! - Anyway, I'll put together
↓
f16e03da-550b-4ae5-8fe9-f7472c422b0d.gif
a crack team of my best workers
bestcrackteamworkers
↓
8703c2c5-3208-4d25-af6a-53a77af342a8.gif
to make sure this will be
↓
30677862-94ca-49a7-bcb1-538089f5f415.gif
the most non-offensive Christmas ever,
christmasoffensive
↓
02c335df-db18-4b0c-88e7-be75617e5b40.gif
to any religious or minority group of any kind.
groupminorityreligious
↓
88413936-ae12-4f6b-9329-9904d3ad1318.gif
Are there any other suggestions?
suggestions
↓
39e5b349-be5d-48c1-ae82-b8562fc71526.gif
Yes, Mr. Garrison.
garrison
↓
4de0f0c5-1930-46b0-a979-7c65d5919a11.gif
Could we get rid of all the Mexicans?
mexicans
↓
9d841162-8ad7-46a1-8f31-3c9a7f0c14d9.gif
No, Mr. Garrison,
garrison
↓
8e7db2bc-8635-4e11-9fa8-370f8917631b.gif
we cannot get rid of all the Mexicans.
cannotmexicans
↓
e8c2eff6-7e9a-46ec-bb32-8e949dd05b10.gif
Rats!
rats
↓
23e370db-b20c-4554-ab58-4d317d0c4073.gif
It is sick and disgusting.
disgustingsick
↓
f7a9cdfb-51bd-4612-a66e-eafaa8f29625.gif
And we simply will not have it.
simply
↓
10081af6-2f9c-474f-83aa-0d505ab8a32b.gif
Your father's right Kyle.
fatherskyle
↓
29e9e94f-8c44-4b93-8274-c1e05b2fc6f5.gif
Sheila, let me handle this.
handlesheila
↓
89848e51-4728-4a83-ab93-0e354f882740.gif
Having imaginary friends is fine Kyle,
friendshavingimaginarykyle
↓
94e001e6-9c0d-47d5-a45a-f60c85c498fe.gif
but this simply will not do.
simply
↓
3459ce3a-13ed-4937-a686-6d5ca4ba619f.gif
Listen to your father, Kyle.
fatherkyle
↓
d9704cc7-d1d7-426c-b315-313abf03c85f.gif
Now I want you to repeat after me--
repeat
↓
df82eb8f-f55c-49f0-a356-d0ca1aa6d468.gif
there is no such thing as Mr. Hankey.
hankey
↓
cc82162a-a7a1-4890-a40c-8627795cd867.gif
But Dad, he always... - Say it!
↓
82638038-6cee-4ad0-aab4-fdd9953e0d0c.gif
There's no such thing as Mr. Hankey.
hankey
↓
8a7e632e-e5af-4204-a150-6614be9ae128.gif
Again.
↓
52962d3c-0a81-4be5-9601-c246a7784708.gif
There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey.
hankey
↓
ce3094e1-7a68-45a7-ab23-aff27ca82d7e.gif
This is for your own good, bubby.
bubby
↓
ae95e807-9bb5-4712-858f-7212b42e1d37.gif
Now you go brush your teeth and march into bed.
brushmarchteeth
↓
2f85b316-93d4-4a45-bd59-72e78e966641.gif
You won't be opening your Chanukah present tonight.
chanukahopeningpresenttonight
↓
e289b2d9-c5fc-46bb-8975-2dd113a46b24.gif
Probably just another stupid dreidel anyway.
anotherdreidelstupid
↓
b1b27868-e6c9-482c-8204-1e42f2cead8f.gif
What did you say?
↓
9bc2b769-129f-4e61-9741-13b05d96dd01.gif
I said Ike's on fire!
fireikes
↓
a4abaa59-9cfc-47ea-88f9-0d7bd6897a2f.gif
Uh-oh.
↓
5fbb0624-ae7b-4fe9-9457-e9fb4228f1c1.gif
Oh, my god!
↓
77dc4a9c-ffd4-4287-a56c-e7853ec78f9d.gif
It isn't fair.
fair
↓
1f1c5d2d-cfdf-4a7a-b7da-c418d7a6483d.gif
I don't wanna be an outcast!
outcast
↓
4c256b21-bea5-4015-9b7b-db37da4c0429.gif
I'm not hearing that.
hearing
↓
e2b8b1a7-f966-492e-b495-fc13e3227d8b.gif
Hello?
↓
10b980e3-bec3-471d-be09-b769c106654f.gif
Mr. Hankey?
hankey
↓
431d8435-75ae-4909-94b8-3e85e9f6bdb2.gif
Howdy-ho!
howdy
↓
f75453f3-c796-4518-a26e-38f49a0eec27.gif
Howdy-ho Kyle,
howdykyle
↓
f2547ae8-573c-4bab-acc3-341f0c04f17a.gif
gosh you're looking swell!
goshlookingswell
↓
cde4d143-8653-4895-a89c-68796936b255.gif
Go away Mr. Hankey.
hankey
↓
7f614751-f04f-4160-b2de-eb447c00b5b4.gif
You know something pal?
↓
68b0dacc-b03b-4c12-8c34-71bd958627c4.gif
You smell an awful lot like flowers.
awfulflowerssmell
↓
e2d3fe7f-81de-4123-860e-68995c3a84c9.gif
I said go away, my dad says you're not real.
real
↓
f3ef13fa-db77-4199-8c76-c1422dd896b7.gif
Not real?
real
↓
ded98213-240e-4ace-bbae-9e254f1a9273.gif
Well shucks, if I weren't real,
real
↓
284c48b3-e86c-4de7-adc6-15cdc59dd275.gif
could I sing this jolly Christmas song?
christmasjollysingsong
↓
f0449eff-44cf-4f52-934d-28ed822eb0ec.gif
♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪
claussantasanta-claus
↓
b36feb8b-3ba1-4a4b-aa5b-d6c1dbe38306.gif
♪ A load of goodies on his sleigh ♪
goodiesloadsleigh
↓
613418da-417d-467b-bed4-fc0d38a6b44a.gif
♪ Dropping off on Christmas day ♪
christmasdropping
↓
8ad1f3ec-a152-4b01-bd33-fbdfdc315881.gif
♪ And I'll say howdy-ho ♪
howdy
↓
9dc98c7d-fa5f-4615-9662-e791b4e09cc8.gif
Mr. Hankey shh, I'll get in trouble!
hankeytrouble
↓
62d4db7f-4e7b-4983-8890-c0927d86bee3.gif
♪ Folks will gather 'round the fire ♪
firefolksgathergather-roundround
↓
002e28e6-f196-4315-a024-59cf9595a4ed.gif
♪ Sing a song without a choir ♪
choirsingsong
↓
e1502722-f225-4d14-bd35-d31052473ff1.gif
♪ Pretty soon they'll all return ♪
return
↓
9ddce757-5811-4511-b085-2308e487239d.gif
♪ And I'll say howdy-ho ♪
howdy
↓
164428f4-1d1a-4165-be77-83d95f21c37c.gif
Kyle, what are you doing in there?
kyle
↓
1d101d9c-5159-4416-8e8c-4876d46d4bdd.gif
Nothing. - Open the door!
dooropen
↓
fe7e9db6-f02e-49eb-a0b5-c7c9aee0e388.gif
♪ Hope that Santa comes real soon ♪
comeshoperealsanta
↓
66cca598-717c-45a7-bacc-4295701de59a.gif
Mr. Hankey, cut it out!
hankey
↓
876d5029-0dbb-4cd3-8ce6-3a4af1e6b9dd.gif
Huh?
↓
60fa92f2-d797-400d-a1fb-ce93575e961c.gif
Kyle!
kyle
↓
f2d41dbe-bcdb-4a03-85c5-9c2a1e9da2ae.gif
Say something, Mr. Hankey!
hankey
↓
4e3e6a72-1e7e-4465-8e80-eee6ea8273c1.gif
Now you get to sleep
sleep
↓
9a717ac0-01ef-4eaf-b90c-ad5ffab1f830.gif
and think about how your poor mother
motherpoor
↓
f7b446b6-1825-47d1-807f-86e794527b1f.gif
has to clean that bathroom up!
bathroomclean
↓
ecd4b4f3-f4b0-4c27-849c-ec3770ce9231.gif
What, what, what? Me?
↓
c5784390-70be-40b7-9aa8-4b0bd5210903.gif
Howdy-ho!
howdy
↓
53b602ef-ae76-4686-8a99-2712126bf574.gif
Mr. Hankey, where the hell did you go?
hankey
↓
563f408f-4032-47d7-a030-83c0b9ff6033.gif
You should be wearing socks to sleep Kyle.
kylesleepsockswearing
↓
afef5b65-f020-4a02-96be-f206de34a14d.gif
You're gonna catch a cold.
catchcold
↓
6d5222e7-ad03-4501-b4b6-d007805a43c4.gif
Nobody believes in you, not even my friends.
believesfriendsnobody
↓
a1115adf-1b70-482e-9669-7fe20162ea72.gif
Gee, that's too bad.
↓
4a6a8092-fddd-46c0-8aee-827520fba1ff.gif
Hey, how about you come to school with me tomorrow?
schooltomorrow
↓
9c81d240-d3cb-48da-809a-646a263c8a8e.gif
So I can at least prove I'm not crazy to my friends.
crazyfriendsleastprove
↓
df3c842f-bc9f-4249-8a3d-bc9b29f598f5.gif
Say, that sounds like a swell idea.
ideasoundsswell
↓
09c208b0-3e55-4ef3-8501-0f636d427a96.gif
We can show everyone the true spirit of Christmas.
christmasspirit
↓
24de24f2-54e5-487f-abb9-ad8cb7cab0bc.gif
Yeah, we'll show them.
↓
9f752bd9-217e-4365-a41c-3b1a1e7b4dfb.gif
Okay people, we got to turn this place around.
place
↓
163cd675-f9a2-4734-975d-fbac7721fc98.gif
Take down anything that is offensive
offensive
↓
b308471e-20bd-4bc7-bb49-acc962b5d0be.gif
to any specific group.
groupspecific
↓
415cf522-fda4-4e6f-b408-f432dc322cc6.gif
Is mistletoe offensive?
mistletoeoffensive
↓
2c7ada88-0ba8-43e5-8953-cf0292932890.gif
Is anyone offended by mistletoe?
mistletoeoffended
↓
bde284fc-381a-4a10-acd8-b13ebcc49cf0.gif
Lose the mistletoe!
losemistletoe
↓
e8d22d2f-f88e-4cad-8e48-ad0c462e9ffe.gif
You guys, I'm getting that John Elway
elwayjohnjohn-elway
↓
66e19274-9070-48db-a566-8a003e3988d0.gif
football helmet for Christmas.
christmasfootballhelmet
↓
57d4aeb7-07d4-4141-b6f2-b04c69aa3b93.gif
How do you know?
↓
2287b040-65ec-4e87-8573-95de575eab32.gif
'Cause I looked in my parent's closet last night.
closetlookednightparents
↓
1898bbd1-f176-4d7a-833f-0ea8ba503238.gif
Yeah well, I sneaked around my mom's closet too
closetmoms
↓
3a43e322-4c19-4861-9551-8ee9f3997bb8.gif
and saw what I'm getting.
↓
bdeb356d-ef75-4eba-9c0f-bf3cb82fbad6.gif
The Ultra Vibe Pleasure 2000.
pleasureultravibe
↓
fc82ee95-c059-4cbf-b3d1-b0bab63aad0a.gif
What's that? - I don't know
↓
3f835797-7db5-4297-9c19-2dd4330037ee.gif
but it sounds pretty sweet.
soundssweet
↓
6af877ed-12be-4b64-b0c4-2010061f11f2.gif
Hello everybody.
everybody
↓
d876c5cb-3566-424e-99b8-cd3d8c19e648.gif
What's in the box dude?
↓
dbd64ec0-d2d1-48a0-9680-2c55b86b9b45.gif
It's a surprise. - Let me see.
surprise
↓
78942e82-633a-439d-8bf6-24f28f0c4b0a.gif
Okay, but don't scare him.
scare
↓
42913c68-571d-4586-8966-2e12c5de6ad1.gif
Dude, sick!
sick
↓
2568e6a7-b96a-4c6e-9a7c-77e30a90b562.gif
Is this some kind of Jewish tradition?
jewishtradition
↓
f395f556-1269-4d4e-a35e-2cfcc96eb963.gif
Wait you guys, he's alive!
alive
↓
8b60e2b8-fd03-47bc-9201-1f8553d79ffc.gif
Kyle, I think you better get home
homekyle
↓
83f002f4-38d6-4065-b619-e76a353303a4.gif
and get some sleep.
sleep
↓
f6aaf284-d7f8-4942-8391-d11f2590b766.gif
Come on, dance! Dance!
dance
↓
23b631c2-e00f-4e7d-844e-07ff0055fb86.gif
Dance damn you!
dance
↓
b3bd7f41-5b50-4c56-95af-0da042a55ba1.gif
This is very simple-
simple
↓
0c8ccf92-c474-41b1-82e6-35b32086ecc2.gif
I'm going to say words and the computer will measure
computermeasurewords
↓
80344d37-2a08-4559-89ef-6e5a28ba24b5.gif
how offended you are by them.
offended
↓
11819595-b85c-4cb7-85c6-f51cbf932e2e.gif
In this way we can find out which words
words
↓
c5044e74-e915-4ea3-a67f-b441aa2ee788.gif
are least offensive for use in the holiday season.
holidayholiday-seasonleastoffensiveseason
↓
8aa62400-d4c9-4a8d-b063-f78be28f2b6c.gif
Are we ready?
ready
↓
cbe40d9c-db84-4337-bfa3-62d39c920968.gif
Here we go.
↓
6f09db3f-7975-4dc9-a0fe-ed5dac2809e4.gif
Christ.
christ
↓
b79d6967-3917-4c25-94b6-99833289bb92.gif
Hmm, okay.
↓
952ca22a-4c74-4943-aabe-0559118e8fb4.gif
Chair.
chair
↓
c0c171ae-1b3c-42c6-8219-b656cc6ca928.gif
Camel.
camel
↓
267aa02c-5374-4172-b5f4-40a658635146.gif
Sand.
sand
↓
c1c45b2f-36a7-4d54-bd0b-04116ea6de45.gif
Stupid wop-dago!
stupid
↓
01b3c468-b12b-457a-8483-ce868bbd8160.gif
Bench.
bench
↓
5dcb7291-f1d4-49c0-9291-cfec7e411267.gif
Do you have to take the Christmas tree too?
christmaschristmas-treetree
↓
6da108c9-0a9d-4588-a1b3-3768e1ac3227.gif
Mayor's orders.
mayorsorders
↓
5e2bcde5-7e22-4758-8fa4-063b1e990ca9.gif
Okay children, I'm really having
childrenhaving
↓
fc8651a1-41d3-4be1-a64b-560c6c3a948e.gif
a hard time with our Christmas play.
christmashard
↓
18f1a7bd-a51a-4e36-aea4-638f3c409ad5.gif
The new law states we can't sing any songs
singsongsstates
↓
bad18e89-aee3-4a6a-b3f0-c170911cf3b3.gif
having to do with Jesus or Santa Claus.
claushavingjesussantasanta-claus
↓
bf98aeb4-f2cf-4133-a6f7-b171900f0d5d.gif
Thanks to Kyle's mother. - Shut up Cartman!
cartmankylesmotherthanks
↓
935a11d7-1aab-42f0-81e9-ba98c8c088d1.gif
So does anybody know any non-Santa
anybodysanta
↓
9f49e1dd-08b6-4d3b-8351-a0012f6d7dde.gif
or non-Jesus Christmas songs?
christmasjesussongs
↓
9dec81f4-f311-442b-9848-aa4e7ddcae17.gif
Yes, Eric. - How about we sing
ericsing
↓
4102ed58-2122-4e87-8e5b-bf01541a95ea.gif
"Kyle's mom is a stupid bitch," in D-minor?
bitchkylesminorstupidstupid-bitch
↓
059fe30d-9ae2-43a5-a0c5-7697cd8340ca.gif
I told you not to call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
bitchcartman
↓
a32e6665-c318-4bac-93be-7bf9fd738062.gif
♪ Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch ♪
bitchkylesmoms
↓
8fa86593-7642-4844-8a6e-5d88117c9263.gif
♪ She's a big, fat bitch ♪
bitch
↓
05ed42a6-2a84-40a0-a753-0bd6f0c5f51c.gif
♪ She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world ♪
biggestbitchwholewhole-widewhole-wide-worldwidewide-worldworld
↓
41dc3660-438c-4ba1-a6f4-a8e47e4dd523.gif
♪ She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch ♪
bitchstupidstupid-bitch
↓
c55ed027-6e44-4e8c-9635-e063e08fa606.gif
♪ She's a bitch to all the boys and girls ♪
bitchboysgirls
↓
e9b45bc5-0e68-449c-9831-16526b76d7ac.gif
Shut up Cartman!
cartman
↓
a60e14a9-04cc-4ca9-90cf-613050a4cb47.gif
Howdy-ho! - Mr. Hankey?
hankeyhowdy
↓
ed30b0f0-9e7a-43f4-bec7-0843f39a480f.gif
♪ Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday's she's a bitch ♪
bitchmondaytuesdays
↓
0956cc65-5a4e-4d05-8e30-8901dc117460.gif
♪ And Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch ♪
bitchsaturdaywednesday
↓
c6749ab4-9082-459c-95f2-54aff4116e64.gif
♪ Then on Sunday, just to be different ♪
sunday
↓
6ae37502-9e58-4612-88c3-d7cf9fa29844.gif
♪ She's a super, two-ton megabitch ♪
super
↓
59b5c81e-1cf4-43ad-a15e-2d3dcef7352c.gif
Golly, that isn't very nice.
golly
↓
3ad06afa-c405-4831-9ea1-7ab072c9e9b8.gif
I'd sure like to teach him a lesson.
lessonteach
↓
950264b9-1445-451c-b729-a101d24dd32c.gif
♪ Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom ♪
friendkyles
↓
6e746f35-874f-434c-9c8c-6e9e262c565e.gif
♪ She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world ♪
biggestbitchwholewhole-widewhole-wide-worldwidewide-worldworld
↓
3ef64041-5cfd-4f26-901c-3ac29c0f8df9.gif
♪ She's a mean old bitch ♪
bitch
↓
2316328d-5434-42ce-9dfe-156eda63e5c6.gif
♪ If you ask anything of her she's a bitch ♪
bitch
↓
4bead7b1-a9f9-46fe-a3b7-84e7cacdbc48.gif
♪ Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch ♪
bitchbitch-bitch
↓
d24b4e92-8508-441f-81ff-1512bf34dd82.gif
♪ She's a stupid bitch ♪
bitchstupidstupid-bitch
↓
4bda685a-93b2-4017-961e-c77dddd43e16.gif
♪ Kyle's mom's a bitch ♪
bitchkylesmoms
↓
d8982f11-7412-4123-8e5a-a8cc03840753.gif
♪ And she's just a dirty bitch ♪
bitchdirty
↓
2f361469-51f6-491a-9ca1-c42e0710d3e2.gif
♪ Kyle's mom, is a ♪
kyles
↓
4588730b-6019-400d-a9bc-e8ac4cf30c32.gif
♪ Bitch ♪
bitch
↓
5c4b76dd-1ff1-42a5-8421-4519fc8ab99b.gif
Mr. Hankey, no!
hankey
↓
79464203-df2d-42e0-98fa-fc7b5c2e1b6e.gif
What the?
↓
366050e5-7d21-464b-a65d-efac4c38afdb.gif
Gross, Kyle!
grosskyle
↓
0d862562-d469-4ea1-a357-d2c5968f1068.gif
Oh my lord Kyle,
kylelord
↓
04056281-2a91-4ef9-b71e-916967027062.gif
did you just throw doo-doo at Eric?
ericthrow
↓
cee5ba6d-5971-4070-af8b-e00cd3abe27a.gif
Uh...
↓
7e097785-ba3f-4234-a988-36c6f60454c1.gif
You sick bastard!
bastardsick
↓
589fd977-9fef-41f2-90be-4e979df8d303.gif
Now Kyle, as your school counselor,
counselorkyleschoolschool-counselor
↓
3303cef7-88b2-4240-b90f-95bcc32a9121.gif
I want to try to help you confront your problem.
confrontproblem
↓
a943e02d-a6b3-4569-93f0-5514cf97ba9d.gif
I don't have a problem.
problem
↓
cd610e91-ede6-41b1-b282-f69956e93d52.gif
Well it's my understanding that you,
understanding
↓
ba3fb225-8fb2-4021-8eaa-745e9a6099f8.gif
you have an acute case of fecalphilia.
acutecase
↓
718cec3d-b30a-4ea4-87fe-1969ce642235.gif
What's that?
↓
263392be-104b-42fb-bfbf-bf147e48e151.gif
Well, a fecalphiliac is somebody
somebody
↓
7bf195c6-ad67-4e83-91ba-f3e9075fd267.gif
who's obsessed with mookie-stinks, Kyle.
kyleobsessedstinks
↓
6a57d4c6-432f-4c09-9a13-3054b3a5133c.gif
Mookie-stinks?
stinks
↓
a6733935-f366-40bf-bbbb-3f3148bacaae.gif
I also understand you're Jewish; is that right Kyle?
jewishkyle
↓
2cbf1cb5-4f5f-4a1d-9f73-4ea9769d0519.gif
Not on purpose.
purpose
↓
fae5e2df-4c0b-475f-bb96-0c84f4872abd.gif
So this must be a pretty hard time of year for you,
hardmust
↓
d2259945-94e4-4b89-9424-d70a38b55e81.gif
being Christmas and all.
christmas
↓
8bb1213f-ef45-45dc-a5e3-acb99cb7fa67.gif
Do the other kids make fun of you?
funkids
↓
0e9c8ae8-3db0-433a-ad13-006735c590fd.gif
Sometimes.
sometimes
↓
158cff6a-243b-4c03-bf2b-185600346191.gif
That must make you mad. - Sure.
must
↓
b9234fef-e76e-42b2-942e-64599733cb62.gif
Mad enough to kill, Kyle?
killkyle
↓
70664a27-0b36-4540-a63f-b4e28400d0c1.gif
No dude! - Well, that's good.
↓
29565ff6-49e2-42f0-ab7d-fbace2f180e6.gif
You see Kyle, sometimes we feel like an outsider,
kyleoutsidersometimes
↓
51926341-fed1-487a-9791-1e4ac1adb83e.gif
we create friends, okay, in our minds, okay?
createfriendsminds
↓
9aece38d-bb3d-43c0-a5ea-65442c951654.gif
But Mr. Hankey seems so real.
hankeyrealseems
↓
ad899621-b0dd-4b01-85ac-964ced72b1ab.gif
Well, of course he does,
course
↓
6c680478-ad41-4715-932f-a8c9a3d4f3d4.gif
in your screwed up little head,
headscrewed
↓
5f986819-47a4-4b82-830c-005c63045f9d.gif
he's the only friend you have.
friend
↓
13daaa28-aa0a-4575-8f7e-5638cce32b13.gif
Kyle! Howdy-ho!
howdykyle
↓
c3b77130-e122-48f6-a541-755ec7d67dca.gif
Right now you're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad.
chickenchinesesalad
↓
a40fb393-832c-4849-a5b8-352689bda5bd.gif
I mean you're one screwed up little kid.
screwed
↓
71d46089-7e71-4c18-b7f5-71993e024a25.gif
Do you understand?
↓
273b446d-fb10-4faa-9ae9-6f8511835ba2.gif
So try and stay positive,
positive
↓
516991a7-155d-423d-8089-d16d46606bce.gif
stay away from drugs and alcohol.
alcoholdrugs
↓
02c86a18-1473-4045-866e-a314b1c3fdfd.gif
And in the meantime,
meantime
↓
2f640d74-7819-4e61-b092-f13488c589e2.gif
I'm gonna put on a heavy regimen of Prozac...
heavyprozacregimen
↓
ddbfc788-947d-4a8a-96aa-caccf7557025.gif
Oh, oh my God, you sick little monkey!
monkeysick
↓
2485e52f-c643-45fe-ba39-f1518edc3d63.gif
Okay children,
children
↓
30c4e1cc-8fad-4b57-9139-cbf8fda75372.gif
we just received word from the mayor
mayorreceivedreceived-wordword
↓
0dacf9e5-7ce4-43f4-a9ab-9db7251a283d.gif
that the Christmas play
christmas
↓
cba3878b-6ba4-40a0-beb3-e49d948381ce.gif
can't include any Christmas lights,
christmasincludelights
↓
c2db2d7c-b130-44e5-ad8b-e5caf8ab418a.gif
since they offend people with epilepsy.
offend
↓
8383b3de-3a83-4089-a7e6-fe02437a72de.gif
So Kenny, would you please go over
kenny
↓
ac3a7e0d-1e3b-46aa-be04-4b95795d46f1.gif
and pull the light cords out of the wall?
cordslightpullwall
↓
e75fc1fe-3ab5-4560-ae82-93236268a1e0.gif
Careful now Kenny,
carefulkenny
↓
0d8fd416-506f-4ada-80ab-c5e87235dbca.gif
those are very, very dangerous.
dangerous
↓
a4536004-3433-4a56-8690-a18979afff1e.gif
Okay, now let's practice our...
practice
↓
f06b6f3b-1abb-406c-8614-2f7537480c61.gif
No, get away from me!
↓
2c7b37dd-340f-4e44-a236-f5e572dc0e69.gif
Here, just look more closely at it.
closely
↓
05b32a0c-abb2-439c-8b47-7e787c099b1e.gif
No, go away!
↓
ed0feaf6-92e9-4be6-8454-00d42a23e588.gif
Stan, you need to do something about your friend.
friendstan
↓
1f934ad4-d0e8-438a-b4ae-26fb0112c251.gif
Okay?
↓
36c1da71-dca2-47a3-afb5-c1f30c0c5d41.gif
Get him out of here before he hurts anybody!
anybodyhurts
↓
3ee19c1b-ea78-4c3b-810c-f3fa0a4cb2b7.gif
Okay?
↓
07eafee0-fdc4-4038-92d6-ce328f7bde80.gif
Hello, we need to commit our friend Kyle, please.
commitfriendfriend-kylekyle
↓
6b350124-9285-45c2-bea2-0afe685fc8f0.gif
Reason?
reason
↓
0ab194a5-dc07-4d97-9ef5-5b3955a92c20.gif
I'm a clinically depressed fecalphiliac on Prozac.
depressedprozac
↓
20d19456-47b5-4012-a6f4-98d27e9d1386.gif
Any allergies? - No.
allergies
↓
346763ce-b36f-4373-8181-526db9ec3841.gif
Jacket!
jacket
↓
e72f6d53-07f3-46b0-a0c8-770ae28d9369.gif
Bye Kyle, happy Chanukah.
chanukahhappykyle
↓
bd3732d9-b085-43cc-8fdd-cf06fe6c1746.gif
Okay children,
children
↓
00a50220-9023-4b56-8f2d-8f0c72bf4628.gif
does everyone have their leotards on?
↓
335476d5-6eab-4578-865c-0e468b562655.gif
Good, it looks like they've taken the Christmas trees down.
christmaschristmas-treestakentrees
↓
d0b8412f-b220-4242-943b-b7d7fb6248c5.gif
Yes, and there's nothing Christian either.
christian
↓
736eddb8-abb8-4d9b-93fa-427441fc1305.gif
This should be great.
↓
bc2f5c8d-05e5-4ab4-bb36-a3754b082ce8.gif
Oh, this could be such a wonderful Christmas play.
christmas
↓
2cfdf5a1-1fea-4000-91c7-2f94da618dc1.gif
I wish our little Kyle was here to see it.
kylewish
↓
136ff3d9-adc5-4592-8894-7c1132b67530.gif
♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪
dreideldreidel-dreideldreidel-dreidel-dreidel
↓
f65261ee-61f9-4328-84f1-6f3c4fce8cee.gif
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
clay
↓
ca8aa8d2-8b33-49ae-bf6a-fa4f531a8bb3.gif
♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪
dreideldreidel-dreideldreidel-dreidel-dreidel
↓
adf7c21e-131a-400e-ada3-cd4a616408f0.gif
♪ With dreidel I will play ♪
dreidel
↓
5c30e8ce-b236-4951-84bf-7631b079846e.gif
Second verse, same as the first!
secondverse
↓
e8b770d4-abe1-4951-af3c-7c1e60d28b0b.gif
♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪
dreideldreidel-dreideldreidel-dreidel-dreidel
↓
f9789319-39a7-49d7-9e2e-8495297225ce.gif
Welcome to the South Park elementary holiday...
elementaryholidayparkpark-elementarysouthsouth-parksouth-park-elementarywelcome
↓
12f77ab9-4003-4e42-84b8-15c24c136938.gif
Wait, wait, there's a star above the stage.
stagestar
↓
849a99ce-c687-4ece-b150-d5c788fdf3d9.gif
That's very offensive to non-Christians.
christiansoffensive
↓
7b918d1d-9792-47e3-8d03-3f511f27fc22.gif
Oh come on.
↓
e43bb54a-3fb2-4b48-b129-f2907e80001a.gif
Hey, don't push your beliefs on me, buddy!
beliefsbuddypush
↓
fb99ea7f-cf13-495d-9c9c-16abf3d74390.gif
I agree. - Oh brother!
agreebrother
↓
42e6614c-6128-4860-9cf1-921577697f67.gif
Kenny would you please climb that ladder
climbkennyladder
↓
0b59c6a6-0112-463a-8fcf-a628f18ee1d4.gif
and take down the star above the stage.
stagestar
↓
8bc1268d-f0b0-4c6b-a6a2-847bf64c77c9.gif
And be careful not to fall
carefulfall
↓
a498934f-83a1-470d-bfce-28c0953c8025.gif
in that little pool below you Kenny.
kennypool
↓
06a4b419-21ae-4c43-bdcd-41383c536578.gif
The shark for the third act is in there.
sharkthird
↓
84709f81-8c70-4321-af82-70563e6bf494.gif
Hmm?
↓
9554821c-ed8c-45a0-aa42-06222698fc9e.gif
Ladies and gentlemen,
gentlemenladies
↓
a69f0355-080e-4d2c-a260-515d23ded13e.gif
welcome to the South Park Elementary holiday experience.
elementaryexperienceholidayparkpark-elementarysouthsouth-parksouth-park-elementarywelcome
↓
0f47d0a3-03dc-4009-824b-83c44a36c028.gif
Before we bring out the kiddies for the play,
bring
↓
5174657d-690c-40f6-8665-36e42f2927b8.gif
here's a non-offensive, non-denominational
offensive
↓
25d47cc2-a051-4d2b-84f7-8f0af1da1df6.gif
holiday song by the school chef.
chefholidayholiday-songschoolsong
↓
380291c6-6c32-4155-a073-6c381d01c021.gif
♪ I'm gonna lay you down by the yule log ♪
↓
cee2044e-4b03-4f58-8313-2c9020d24f55.gif
♪ I'm gonna love you right ♪
love
↓
4d0ef853-b4f6-47b0-a101-7606513a21ff.gif
♪ Baby I'm gonna deck your halls ♪
babydeckhalls
↓
516a61f3-cfa9-4aa0-8267-fe8e977ddb4a.gif
♪ And silent your night ♪
nightsilent
↓
4d00db02-644e-4ec2-b6d2-23ccd5a23a89.gif
♪ You'll hear the angel's sing ♪
angelsangels-singsing
↓
27052d59-6eef-4c88-9d1f-c5223c26ed36.gif
♪ When I'm sliding off your bra ♪
sliding
↓
34829c3b-9564-4ce3-8511-0e737e660657.gif
♪ I just can't wait to jingle your bells ♪
bellsjingle
↓
c6acb915-d1c0-44d9-93cb-d30b47ea322b.gif
♪ And fa-la-la your la ♪
↓
3b66405e-60fd-4229-bfd4-cbb90454fe2e.gif
I wish Kyle was here.
kylewish
↓
e5c61aec-f5f5-474f-83e1-aaa0751504a1.gif
It just doesn't seem right without him.
↓
10ebce45-4847-42fe-83c7-57f2394c0ef8.gif
Yeah, old Kyle's gonna be locked up for a while,
kyleslocked
↓
11296db2-12cb-457f-a842-22855e046845.gif
so get used to it.
used
↓
30ebce10-f998-4855-b797-3ef0e1caf56d.gif
Okay kids, get ready to take your places.
kidsplacesready
↓
41b36d16-6c3d-4208-a7b2-a67ce30af68c.gif
Thank you, Chef.
chef
↓
0d16d08c-93d1-4a0c-9490-6065a0184786.gif
And now South Park Elementary presents
elementaryparkpark-elementarypresentssouthsouth-parksouth-park-elementary
↓
8ebe7796-4827-4cec-8529-95d82c94b8f5.gif
the happy, non-offensive non-denominational
happyoffensive
↓
bd66ae52-e868-4da0-81bd-f0073fd56316.gif
Christmas play.
christmas
↓
f60df69e-8f33-4efd-9a59-de388924ecea.gif
With music and lyrics by New York minimalist composer,
lyricsmusicyork
↓
07ef1adf-301d-4763-862c-6f21295f7973.gif
Phillip Glass.
glassphillip
↓
b1f6cdf9-f5ff-4631-82ae-739b8485d932.gif
As I turn and look into the sun,
↓
af0af94e-be82-480e-8699-29cc941c6102.gif
the rays burn my eyes.
burneyesrays
↓
d55e5370-3926-44cc-9e0a-7372f63a4b0b.gif
How like a turtle, the sun looks.
turtle
↓
938d5203-5931-4cb2-9300-053b9ab33433.gif
What the hell is this?
↓
b3eae0ad-858c-49fc-95b2-90682448b6ad.gif
This is horrible.
horrible
↓
68777550-c498-467e-bdf3-2221a9d4fd05.gif
This is the most god-awful piece of crap I've ever seen.
awfulpieceseen
↓
529dae5a-b2c6-443c-b813-08c836639c15.gif
Hey, you're the ones who made it this way.
ones
↓
ebe89679-3d9e-47b4-a8b1-c74ab8e4c599.gif
Because the Jews said it couldn't be Christian.
christianjews
↓
821adfcc-07a4-4d90-b39a-c2a20b94fc24.gif
It wasn't our idea to take out Santa Claus.
clausideasantasanta-claus
↓
6804e440-89d8-4075-b1fa-bee59b6a9a8e.gif
All you bastards ruined Christmas!
bastardschristmasruinedruined-christmas
↓
0d8b3e14-2ddc-4b37-87b3-68d5362a46a3.gif
Get 'em in the ribs!
ribs
↓
78f3d24b-fe95-46e2-8dd9-6f1830bfc432.gif
Get 'em!
↓
7f892b7c-cf89-4d02-bcb6-24b06ee78c78.gif
This sucks dude.
sucks
↓
90bb41b8-41e1-4db9-8366-ee57a7564acb.gif
This is like the worst Christmas I've ever seen.
christmasseenworst
↓
01f5fe40-87d7-43c7-8279-d527494d55d7.gif
Yeah.
↓
abb73dae-f9cb-4bfc-b969-af14d579e87b.gif
Say where's Kyle?
kyle
↓
de3de145-2187-4848-b596-b98d6c7af7e3.gif
We committed him. - What? Why?
committed
↓
e3994110-20c0-4fd2-ad8f-a4f4aa4f5176.gif
'Cause he kept seeing this little brown piece
brownpieceseeing
↓
8b8162dd-4f18-4fc2-87a0-8f8ea46a96ab.gif
of Christmas Poo everywhere that he went.
christmas
↓
24cda30a-72a8-49ad-b619-14914b4792ad.gif
Christmas Poo? You mean Mr. Hankey?
christmashankey
↓
d4d40a8d-2291-42f2-8d1a-ee34283238c9.gif
Huh? Uh-oh!
↓
bf065d55-b39e-4d20-a88b-929340dd20f8.gif
Say kids, why the long faces?
faceskids
↓
79f99a39-b25b-4d4c-8797-a4a5c3a238cb.gif
We're bored. - There's nothing to do.
bored
↓
3d8b1181-3935-48f4-985d-7b5028c2b167.gif
Well maybe this will help.
↓
4e55e5c4-dc38-4875-b384-a87b81382aab.gif
Yay, Mr. Hankey construction set!
constructionhankey
↓
5cfb1f00-e41f-4783-82ad-a97128d1bab2.gif
That's right kids,
kids
↓
86b52545-fb95-4e81-8492-d94f1d0de98d.gif
now you can make your very own Mr. Hankey!
hankey
↓
5564c4c7-f36d-4b6d-a913-a0f3b0091e37.gif
Just use the special fecal fishing net,
fecalfishingspecial
↓
4d33fc96-088e-4a61-bce8-b37433c4642a.gif
and select your best Mr. Hankey.
besthankeyselect
↓
a4671c41-707d-4d69-99ee-f8bfd7a5eae2.gif
That one!
↓
e7688070-36da-4525-8359-b2e5e9ec5d07.gif
Then use the hand-crafted Hankey stern to add
handhankeystern
↓
643b0c75-1c59-4827-a520-e8e814caee0b.gif
whatever eyes, mouth, and hats you want.
eyeshatsmouth
↓
b8348efe-6fe4-42f0-9b68-9a44bc557486.gif
Howdy-ho!
howdy
↓
a4068199-edb7-4551-b3cc-e7a5b83297d0.gif
I made a mariachi Mr. Hankey.
hankey
↓
44034382-1288-46b1-bf48-f658cd20a333.gif
Now it's a Mrs. Hankey.
hankey
↓
63f82c26-6ec3-4795-803e-db23291c30f7.gif
Let's put the fez hat on him.
↓
773aec35-c0f8-4f00-9007-f2954cb9c71e.gif
I wish Daddy was still alive.
alivedaddywish
↓
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Mr. Hankey play set comes with everything seen.
comeshankeyseen
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Hey, where's Mr. Hankey?
hankey
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I love you sweetheart.
lovesweetheart
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I love you too.
love
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This is horrible, everybody is fighting
everybodyfightinghorrible
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and my best friend is in an institution.
bestbest-friendfriendinstitution
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All because we didn't believe in Mr. Hankey.
believehankey
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Well, you can believe in him now.
believe
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I believe.
believe
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I believe in Mr. Hankey.
believehankey
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Howdy-ho.
howdy
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Huh? - Howdy folks.
folkshowdy
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Gosh, you sure do smell nice and flowery.
goshsmell
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Whoa! - Howdy-ho Chef.
chefhowdywhoa
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Howdy-ho Mr. Hankey.
hankeyhowdy
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Okay, that does it.
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Screw you guys, I'm going home.
homescrew
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Talking poo is where I draw the line.
drawline
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What's all the ruckus?
ruckus
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I'm glad you're here Mr. Hankey.
gladhankey
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The whole town is about to kill each other.
killtownwholewhole-town
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I reckon this could be a job for Mr. Hankey.
hankeyreckon
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Stop fighting.
fighting
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Oh my god, what the hell is that thing?
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Come on gang, don't fight.
fightgang
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You people focus so hard
focushard
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on the things wrong with Christmas,
christmas
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that you've forgotten what's so right about it.
forgotten
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Don't you see?
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This is the one time of year
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we're supposed to forget all the bad stuff.
forgetstuffsupposed
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Stop worrying and being sad about the state of the world,
stateworldworrying
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and for just one day say "Ah, the heck with it."
heck
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Let's sing and dance and bake cookies.
bakecookiesdancesing
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Dude, this is pretty up.
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♪ I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew ♪
lonely
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Howdy-ho, Kyle!
howdykyle
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Oh no... I'm not sane yet.
sane
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I brought some friends with me.
broughtfriends
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Friends?
friends
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Merry Christmas, Kyle Broslovski!
christmaskylemerrymerry-christmas
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You mean you can see him?
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I'm not crazy?
crazy
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♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo ♪
christmashankey
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♪ He loves me I love you ♪
loveloves
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♪ Therefore vicariously he loves you ♪
lovestherefore
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♪ Even if you're a Jew ♪
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♪ Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny ♪
cornynuttysometimes
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♪ He can be brown or greenish brown ♪
brown
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♪ But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve ♪
christmasfiber
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♪ He might come to your town ♪
mighttown
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♪ Mr. Hankey... ♪
hankey
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Well, I got a long night ahead of me.
aheadnight
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Bye-bye, and Merry Christmas.
christmasmerrymerry-christmas
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Goodbye, Mr. Hankey.
goodbyehankey
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Bring me lots of presents!
bringlotspresents
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I always believed in you.
believed
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Howdy-ho, ho, ho!
howdy
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You know, I learned something today.
learnedtoday
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I learned that Jewish people are okay.
jewishlearned
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And that Chanukah can be cool too.
chanukahcool
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Yeah.
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You know it seems like something's still not right.
seemssomethings
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Yeah something feels unfinished.
feels
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Well, what could it be?
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Woo-hoo hoo!
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♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
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♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday