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South Park

Season 1, Episode 1 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

TMDB episode metadata
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I was being drug through a hallway.
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Then I was lying on a table,
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and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.
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And they had big heads and big black eyes.
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Dude, visitors. - Totally.
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What? - That wasn't a dream, Cartman.
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Those were visitors.
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No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.
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Visitors are real. - Yeah.
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They abduct people and they mutilate cows.
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Oh, shut up, you guys,
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you're just trying to make me scared.
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And it's not working.
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Hello there, children.
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Hey, Chef.
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What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
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Well, today it's Salisbury steak
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with buttered noodles and a choice
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of green bean casserole or vegetable medley.
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Kick ass.
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Say, did any of you children
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see the alien spaceship last night?
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Huh? - Yeah, fat boy saw it.
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No, that-- that was just a dream.
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And I'm not fat. I'm big boned.
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Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads
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and the black eyes?
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Oh! - They took him on their ship.
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Oh, did they give you an anal probe?
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Oh! - What's an anal probe?
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That's when they put this big metal hoop-a-joop
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up your butt.
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Whoa, they gave you an anal probe, Cartman?
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No, I mean... why would they do that?
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Dude, they did, huh?
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Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.
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No. - An probe.
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Shut up, dildo.
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Well, I got to get to the cafeteria.
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You children watch that fat boy, now.
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He could be under alien control.
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We told you they were real, Cartman.
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Sorry to hear about your ass.
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God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass.
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It was just a dream.
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Why you walking so funny, Cartman?
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Shut up.
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No, Ike, go home.