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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S02E04 โ Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Season 2, Episode 4 โ Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom
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Show:
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title:
Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom
Air date:
July 06, 2006
Director:
Dan Attias
Top billed cast:
Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Barbara hooks up with Mac to make Frank jealous, which leads to retaliation from Dennis.
Source:
TMDB
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View image page โ
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(doorbell ringing)
doorbell
doorbell-ringing
ringing
โ
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- What? - Hi, Mrs. Reynolds.
reynolds
โ
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What do you want?
โ
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Frank sent me over to pick up his toupee.
frank
pick
sent
toupee
โ
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- His toupee? - Yep.
toupee
โ
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What does he need his toupee for?
toupee
โ
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I think he has a date or something.
date
โ
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- Frank has a date? - Yeah, I guess.
date
frank
โ
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Well, he can't have it. It's mine.
โ
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You own his hair?
hair
โ
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All right, fine. It's in a box in the hallway.
hallway
โ
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I was gonna throw it away anyway.
throw
โ
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I'm really sorry about this. I know it's probably a tough time for you.
tough
โ
โง
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Divorce is a tricky thing. Oh! I found it.
divorce
found
tricky
โ
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I got the hair now.
hair
โ
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Found the hair. So I guess I'll just, uh, see myself out.
found
hair
โ
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Right. Thank you for the hair.
hair
โ
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Oh, shit.
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FRANK: Wait till you see the hair. Is really authentic-looking hair.
authentic
frank
hair
looking
till
โ
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- It looks good. - How do you know the chick, anyway?
chick
โ
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Angie Spinola. High school.
angie
school
โ
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Firecracker. Hung out all the time.
firecracker
hung
โ
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- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, we did everything together.
โ
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Wild sex. Whoa! I mean...
whoa
wild
โ
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- You name it, we did it. - Well, she sounds awesome.
awesome
name
sounds
โ
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They don't make women like Angie anymore. Tell you that right now.
angie
anymore
women
โ
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Charlie, you gonna be okay, I leave you alone at the bar here?
alone
charlie
โ
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I think things've been going pretty well since you put me in charge.
charge
โ
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Right. Keep your fingers crossed.
crossed
fingers
fingers-crossed
โ
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What are you?
โ
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Why? Why would a person wipe their own shit onto a wall?
person
wall
wipe
โ
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DENNIS: I don't know. (toilet flushes)
dennis
flushes
toilet
toilet-flushes
โ
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What are you doing? I thought you were cleaning the toilet.
cleaning
toilet
โ
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What? Cleaning the toilet? No, that's what Charlie does.
charlie
cleaning
toilet
โ
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I'm not doing Charlie work anymore.
anymore
charlie
โ
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Okay, Dad said we need to, so get back in there and clean the stall.
clean
stall
โ
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Dee, Dee. Will you take it easy? I got a plan to get us out of it.
easy
plan
โ
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You do? Oh, God, that's good news. What is it?
news
โ
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Well, let's just say I got a little date tonight,
date
date-tonight
tonight
โ
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and as soon as Charlie sees who it is,
charlie
sees
โ
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no more Charlie work for me. - How does that help me?
charlie
โ
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- I guess it doesn't, really. - Mmm-mmm. It sure doesn't.
โ
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You know, you should come up with a plan just like I did
plan
โ
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and then you can get out of Charlie work too.
charlie
โ
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Oh, you think I can't come up with a plan? (door closes)
closes
door
door-closes
plan
โ
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- Hey! - Dennis, hey.
dennis
โ
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- Got something for you. - What?
โ
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Really? Wow! Oh, thank you. That's really nice.
โ
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- Can I take your coat? - Uh, are we staying here?
coat
staying
โ
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No, no. I just want to have a look at what you're wearing.
wearing
โ
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- Okay. - All right.
โ
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- So, what do you think? - Yeah, okay.
โ
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That'll work. Are you not wearing makeup?
makeup
thatll
wearing
wearing-makeup
โ
โง
โ
- I'm wearing makeup. - Really?
makeup
wearing
wearing-makeup
โ
โง
โ
- Yeah. - Do you have any more?
โ
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โ
- No. I didn't bring makeup. - Mmm.
bring
makeup
โ
โง
โ
Uh, okay. That's all right. Let's go say good night to Charlie. Come on.
charlie
night
โ
โง
โ
Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea.
idea
โ
โง
โ
Oh, no, no. He's totally fine with the situation. It's cool. Come on.
cool
situation
โ
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โ
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
โ
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โ
Okay.
โ
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(door opens) (laughing) Hey, buddy.
buddy
door
door-opens
laughing
opens
โ
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Please knock if you're gonna be coming into my off...
coming
knock
โ
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โ
What ya doin'?
doin
โ
โง
โ
I was doing some office stuff.
office
stuff
โ
โง
โ
Well, listen, uh, we are gonna hit the town
town
โ
โง
โ
so we just wanted to pop back and say good night.
night
wanted
โ
โง
โ
Looks like you got everything under control back here.
control
โ
โง
โ
Yeah, I do.
โ
โง
โ
That's a nice house of cards, Charlie.
cards
charlie
house
โ
โง
โ
Actually, no. I was doing some business stuff
business
stuff
โ
โง
โ
'cause I'm the manager now. - Great. Well, we're out of here.
manager
โ
โง
โ
- Don't work too hard okay, bud? - Good night, Charlie.
charlie
hard
night
night-charlie
โ
โง
โ
- Good night. - Could you give me one second?
night
second
โ
โง
โ
Yeah. Thanks.
thanks
โ
โง
โ
(chuckles) Okay, listen. Here's the deal.
chuckles
deal
โ
โง
โ
Uh, I'm gonna bang her tonight, probably around 10:30 or so.
bang
tonight
โ
โง
โ
I really don't wanna do that, so all you have to do to stop me
โ
โง
โ
s call my cell phone by 10:30
cell
cell-phone
phone
โ
โง
โ
and say, "Dennis, you don't have to do Charlie work anymore."
anymore
charlie
dennis
โ
โง
โ
- You're won't get away with this. - Oh, yeah, I will.
โ
โง
โ
I'll get away with it. 10:30, okay?
โ
โง
โ
10:30.
โ
โง
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Gonna blackmail me? You gonna blackmail me, Dennis Reynolds?
blackmail
dennis
dennis-reynolds
reynolds
โ
โง
โ
- You ready? - I'm ready. Let's roll.
ready
roll
โ
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โ
- Hey-o! What's up, buddy? - Hello.
buddy
โ
โง
โ
- What's that? - It's your dad's hair.
dads
hair
โ
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โ
- Gross. - Yeah. Is Charlie here?
charlie
gross
โ
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Yeah, man. What's up with you?
โ
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- You seem flustered. - Where's Charlie?
charlie
โ
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- He's in the back office. - I wanna talk to him.
office
โ
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- Okay. Go talk to him. - Okay.
โ
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Great. Yeah.
โ
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- Uh... Bye, Dennis. - See ya.
dennis
โ
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Charlie, I have a real dilemma on my hands.
charlie
dilemma
hands
real
โ
โง
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Normally I wouldn't talk to you about this 'cause you're unreliable,
normally
โ
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but Dennis, Dee and Frank are all directly involved in this,
dennis
directly
frank
involved
โ
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and I gotta tell somebody, man. I am bustin'. Okay.
somebody
โ
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Dennis's mom tried to have sex with me.
denniss
tried
โ
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- Interesting. - She got naked, she came on to me.
interesting
naked
โ
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I mean, that woman is straight crazy but I think I wanna bang her, man.
bang
crazy
straight
woman
โ
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- I know I shouldn't do it. - I think you should do it.
โ
โง
โ
- What? - An opportunity like this
opportunity
โ
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โ
only comes around once in a lifetime, right?
comes
lifetime
โ
โง
โ
And so you'd be a fool to let it slip through your fingers.
fingers
fool
slip
โ
โง
โ
Yeah, that's what I'm thinkin', but it's Dennis and Dee's mom.
dees
dennis
thinkin
โ
โง
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Well, that means that no one ever, ever is gonna find out.
โ
โง
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- That doesn't make sense. - It doesn't have to make sense.
sense
โ
โง
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You're right. I'm gonna do it. (both laughing)
laughing
โ
โง
โ
- Okay. Okay. Oh, this is good. - This is good.
โ
โง
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I gotta meet Frank. I gotta give him his hair.
frank
hair
meet
โ
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You go, 'cause I gotta plot, and I gotta think.
plot
โ
โง
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- Great. - Get outta here. God, this is good!
outta
โ
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Dennis's mom. Yes, he is.
denniss
โ
โง
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- I'm busy. - I want my job back.
busy
โ
โง
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- Look, I'm... What? - I want my job back.
โ
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Well, I'm...
โ
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And you shall have it.
โ
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Oh, Dee.
โ
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It looks like we both need things from each other.
โ
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I am not having sex with you, Charlie.
charlie
having
โ
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No. It's not sex I want from you.
โ
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It's sex I don't want from Dennis.
dennis
โ
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โ
Hmm?
โ
โง
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Mmm. So you gotta tell me about all the shit you been gettin' into.
gettin
โ
โง
โ
You must have a police record a mile long.
mile
must
police
record
โ
โง
โ
- Oh, God. No. - Don't be modest now.
modest
โ
โง
โ
You remember all the shit we used to get into?
remember
used
โ
โง
โ
You remember that night in the graveyard?
graveyard
night
remember
โ
โง
โ
- How could I forget? - That slab was cold, baby.
baby
cold
forget
slab
โ
โง
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And remember the time we robbed a motorcycle and ran it into a river?
motorcycle
remember
river
robbed
โ
โง
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Well, you must be doin' shit like that now, huh? Come on.
doin
must
โ
โง
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Well, I've slowed down quite a bit once I met my husband, Carl.
carl
husband
slowed
โ
โง
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Oh, you told me you weren't married.
married
โ
โง
โ
Oh, I'm not. Carl passed a few years ago.
carl
passed
years
โ
โง
โ
Once I met him and had kids, I pretty much stayed at home.
home
kids
stayed
โ
โง
โ
Carl had two children from a previous marriage
carl
children
marriage
previous
โ
โง
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and then we had five of our own.
five
โ
โง
โ
Oh, shit.
โ
โง
โ
Hi. I'm Jenny. I'll be your server this evening.
evening
jenny
server
โ
โง
โ
Are you ready to order, or do you need some more time?
order
ready
โ
โง
โ
Well, I think we need just a little more time.
โ
โง
โ
Okay, I'll be back in a second.
second
โ
โง
โ
- Isn't having children a blessing? - What?
blessing
children
having
โ
โง
โ
Isn't having children such a blessing?
blessing
children
having
โ
โง
โ
- What the hell you talking about? - Well, I mean, when Carl passed,
carl
passed
โ
โง
โ
my children were an enormous source of strength.
children
enormous
source
strength
โ
โง
โ
- I mean, I thought... - Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
whoa
whoa-whoa
โ
โง
โ
- Angie, I'm gonna have to stop you. - I'm sorry?
angie
โ
โง
โ
- This is not gonna work out. - What's not going to work out?
โ
โง
โ
- You, me, talking like this. - Why? What's wrong?
โ
โง
โ
For starters, you've got kids and shit. And you talk about 'em.
kids
starters
โ
โง
โ
You talk about your kids, you talk about your dead husband.
dead
husband
kids
โ
โง
โ
- It's kind of bummin' me out. - Oh, you know, I'm sorry.
โ
โง
โ
It's not your fault. Just, maybe... I think you're too old for me.
fault
โ
โง
โ
Frank, I'm two years younger than you.
frank
years
younger
โ
โง
โ
That's what I'm talkin' about.
talkin
โ
โง
โ
- I had a really good time tonight. - I had a good time too.
tonight
โ
โง
โ
- Okay, what's the deal with that? - What?
deal
โ
โง
โ
Why do you keep checking your cell phone?
cell
cell-phone
checking
phone
โ
โง
โ
I've just been, I've been expecting an important phone call.
expecting
phone
โ
โง
โ
- I'm sorry. - Right. No, good luck with that.
luck
โ
โง
โ
Wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't go. I wanna go inside.
โ
โง
โ
No. I'm not gonna ask you inside, Dennis.
dennis
โ
โง
โ
- Why not? - Because I really like you.
โ
โง
โ
Well, yeah. I mean... I really like you too.
โ
โง
โ
- Then let's take it slow, okay? - Oh... Oh, wait.
slow
โ
โง
โ
Uh... I love you.
love
โ
โง
โ
(laughs) I kind of don't know what to say.
laughs
โ
โง
โ
I kind of don't want you to say anything.
โ
โง
โ
(cell phone ringing) Oh, uh, hold that thought.
cell
cell-phone
cell-phone-ringing
phone
phone-ringing
ringing
โ
โง
โ
Cuttin' it pretty close there, pal. I almost sealed the deal.
close
deal
sealed
โ
โง
โ
Just meet me at Paddy's and we'll work it all out.
meet
paddys
โ
โง
โ
(laughs) Sorry about, uh...
laughs
โ
โง
โ
I feel like maybe I was being a little judgmental.
judgmental
โ
โง
โ
- You're good. - Okay. Well, let's go.
โ
โง
โ
No. You were right. I should, I'm gonna go.
โ
โง
โ
Yeah. I'm gonna go now. We should take it slow. You were right.
slow
โ
โง
โ
Really? Because I don't need to now.
โ
โง
โ
I think it's good. I think it's real good.
real
โ
โง
โ
Call me. (chuckles)
chuckles
โ
โง
โ
Charlie?
charlie
โ
โง
โ
You called just in the nick of time, buddy. I was...
buddy
called
nick
โ
โง
โ
Looks like we got a blown fuse in here.
blown
fuse
โ
โง
โ
Better get on that. Blown fuses count as Charlie work.
blown
charlie
count
โ
โง
โ
Oh, I don't think I'll be changing any fuses any time soon.
changing
โ
โง
โ
I know something you don't know.
โ
โง
โ
That was, like, the best sex I've ever had, Mrs. Reynolds.
best
reynolds
โ
โง
โ
- Like something magical happened. - Hmm?
happened
magical
โ
โง
โ
I was just saying that that was, like, so special, and...
special
โ
โง
โ
I mean, it was like magic.
magic
โ
โง
โ
You're not gonna start talking about your feelings and shit, are you?
feelings
start
โ
โง
โ
No. Gay.
โ
โง
โ
No. It's just that, I mean, unless you want to, 'cause...
โ
โง
โ
No.
โ
โง
โ
I got a better plan.
plan
โ
โง
โ
Okay. All right. So can I call you sometime?
sometime
โ
โง
โ
- I have your number, right? - No, I don't think so.
number
โ
โง
โ
Well, I know how to find you. Why don't we just leave it at that?
โ
โง
โ
All right. Did I do something wrong? I mean, was the sex bad?
โ
โง
โ
- Don't worry about it. - I can make adjustments.
adjustments
worry
โ
โง
โ
'Cause I've had to do that before, and it hasn't been a problem.
problem
โ
โง
โ
- I'm shutting the door now. - If I could have a kiss goodbye
door
goodbye
kiss
shutting
โ
โง
โ
that would be really great for me.
โ
โง
โ
If I gave you a kiss goodbye, would you let go of the door?
door
goodbye
kiss
โ
โง
โ
- Yeah. - Fine.
โ
โง
โ
Oh, my God.
โ
โง
โ
- Oh! - Yeah. It's a terrible thing.
โ
โง
โ
It's a terrible thing for you to see that.
โ
โง
โ
- I'm gonna kill him. - No. No. Wait, wait, wait.
kill
โ
โง
โ
What are you gonna do, punch him in the face? Throw him? Work the body?
body
face
punch
throw
โ
โง
โ
That's not gonna help. No, no, it's not gonna help. I'll tell you why.
โ
โง
โ
It doesn't un-bang your mom. No, you gotta do something worse.
bang
worse
โ
โง
โ
Something much, much worse.
worse
โ
โง
โ
You're gonna have to bang Mac's mom.
bang
macs
โ
โง
โ
- Hi. - What?
โ
โง
โ
I'm looking for Mrs. Mac. Is she in?
looking
โ
โง
โ
- Yeah. - I'm a friend of her son's.
friend
sons
โ
โง
โ
- I know you, Dennis. - Oh.
dennis
โ
โง
โ
Oh, my God. Oh.
โ
โง
โ
It's been a long time.
โ
โง
โ
Haven't seen you in a while. You look different.
seen
โ
โง
โ
- I've gained a little weight. - Is that what it is?
gained
weight
โ
โง
โ
- Looks good on you. - Yeah.
โ
โง
โ
Yeah.
โ
โง
โ
Do you mind if I sit?
mind
โ
โง
โ
So. Watching a little TV outside, huh?
watching
โ
โง
โ
I like the fresh air.
fresh
โ
โง
โ
Probably gets a little lonely, though, every once in a while,
lonely
โ
โง
โ
watching TV out here by yourself. (chuckles)
chuckles
watching
โ
โง
โ
Every once in a while you probably want a man, right?
โ
โง
โ
(exhales) Someone to fulfill your desires.
desires
exhales
fulfill
โ
โง
โ
Oh.
โ
โง
โ
Not interested.
interested
โ
โง
โ
Don't fight it, Mrs. Mac.
fight
โ
โง
โ
Why don't we go inside and have a little fun?
fun
โ
โง
โ
- Don't find you attractive. - What?
attractive
โ
โง
โ
I think you're an ugly man.
ugly
โ
โง
โ
- You think I'm ugly? - Yeah.
ugly
โ
โง
โ
- I'm not ugly. You're ugly. - Yeah.
ugly
โ
โง
โ
Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you, woman?
christ
jesus
jesus-christ
woman
โ
โง
โ
You're saying that I'm... You don't find me attractive?
attractive
โ
โง
โ
- No. - You're not gonna have sex with me?
โ
โง
โ
- No. - It's ridiculous. I'm out of here.
ridiculous
โ
โง
โ
Wait. What? What just happened?
happened
โ
โง
โ
I think you know exactly what just happened.
happened
โ
โง
โ
No. No, come on. He did not try to have sex with that woman.
woman
โ
โง
โ
He did, 'cause he's a dirty, dirty pervert.
dirty
dirty-dirty
pervert
โ
โง
โ
- I'm... I'm so confused. - Really? Are you? I can help you.
confused
โ
โง
โ
Don't trust him. - But...
trust
โ
โง
โ
(cell phone ringing) Uh-oh. Excuse me.
cell
cell-phone
cell-phone-ringing
excuse
phone
phone-ringing
ringing
โ
โง
โ
- I need to get this. - Okay.
โ
โง
โ
Can you pop out real quick? (ringing continues)
continues
quick
real
real-quick
ringing
ringing-continues
โ
โง
โ
- Really? - Yeah. It's personal.
personal
โ
โง
โ
You don't want to be rude, so... Excuse me.
excuse
rude
โ
โง
โ
- Oh, my God. - Thanks.
thanks
โ
โง
โ
- Cat's in the cradle. - Good, good, good.
cats
cradle
โ
โง
โ
Time to move to phase two.
phase
โ
โง
โ
There is no phase two. I'm not doing phase two.
phase
โ
โง
โ
I did everything you said. And it's over.
โ
โง
โ
This isn't over until I say it's over!
โ
โง
โ
God. Sorry. Okay. Relax, dude.
relax
โ
โง
โ
One more phase. That's it.
phase
โ
โง
โ
(on machine) This is Barbara. Leave a message.
barbara
machine
message
โ
โง
โ
(beeps) Hey, uh... Not answering my calls.
answering
beeps
calls
โ
โง
โ
I get it. You're busy. You're busy. It's a busy time of the week.
busy
week
โ
โง
โ
Um, listen, I think you should give me a call back
โ
โง
โ
because I know what you're afraid of.
afraid
โ
โง
โ
You think Frank and Dennis are gonna find out,
dennis
frank
โ
โง
โ
but they're not gonna find out anything, okay?
โ
โง
โ
I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on this one.
mouth
โ
โง
โ
And I know that you know that the sex was good, right?
โ
โง
โ
So I think maybe we should... (knocking at door)
door
knocking
โ
โง
โ
There's somebody at the door. I'm just gonna ignore it.
door
ignore
somebody
โ
โง
โ
I think that maybe we should get together... (pounding at door)
door
pounding
โ
โง
โ
They sound pissed. Listen, I'll give you a call back. Right.
pissed
sound
โ
โง
โ
- Let's go for a ride. - Why?
ride
โ
โง
โ
Grab your coat. We're goin' for a ride.
coat
goin
grab
ride
โ
โง
โ
- Are you going to kill me? - What? No.
kill
โ
โง
โ
I just wanna go out and pick up some younger chicks
chicks
pick
younger
โ
โง
โ
and I need a wing man for that. Come on. Let's roll.
roll
wing
โ
โง
โ
(disco playing) How about the two out there on the dance floor?
dance
dance-floor
disco
floor
playing
โ
โง
โ
- Go on. Go on, break the ice. - Oh, come on, man.
break
โ
โง
โ
- Come on, man. Go. Go. - All right, all right.
โ
โง
โ
Hey, how ya doin'? I like your top. Lookin' good. Mac.
doin
lookin
โ
โง
โ
- Hi. - Hi. I'm Frank.
frank
โ
โง
โ
Wanna get down? Huh?
โ
โง
โ
What happened? What did you do?
happened
โ
โง
โ
What are you talking about, what did I do? What was that little move?
โ
โง
โ
That move always works with the ladies.
ladies
works
โ
โง
โ
Frank, you have never gotten a chick with that move.
chick
frank
gotten
โ
โง
โ
What are you talkin' about? That's how I got my wife.
talkin
wife
โ
โง
โ
- Really? - Yeah, don't go blamin' the move.
โ
โง
โ
The move works.
works
โ
โง
โ
So, uh, what other kind of things worked on your wife?
wife
worked
โ
โง
โ
- She likes money. - So she likes money and dancing.
dancing
likes
money
โ
โง
โ
Can we stop talking about my wife for a second here?
second
wife
โ
โง
โ
You're killin' the vibe. Let me see now.
killin
vibe
โ
โง
โ
Over there. Try the move.
โ
โง
โ
You hang over here, this side. I...
hang
side
โ
โง
โ
Hello, hello, hello. I'm Frank. Remember?
frank
remember
โ
โง
โ
#Go, go for it Go for it, ooh
โ
โง
โ
#Go for it, go for it. Ooh#
โ
โง
โ
Where'd he go? Mac!
whered
โ
โง
โ
(knocking at door) Go away.
door
knocking
โ
โง
โ
- We need to talk. - Dee, now's not a good time.
nows
โ
โง
โ
Charlie is making me have sex with him to get out of Charlie work.
charlie
โ
โง
โ
- What? - Yeah, I know. Really gross.
gross
โ
โง
โ
Am I the only one around here who's not getting laid?
laid
โ
โง
โ
Dennis, Charlie is forcing me to have sex with him.
charlie
dennis
dennis-charlie
forcing
โ
โง
โ
Mac's getting laid. You're getting laid.
laid
macs
โ
โง
โ
Now, even Charlie's getting laid? This makes me look terrible.
charlies
laid
makes
โ
โง
โ
Well, you know what? This is all Charlie's fault.
charlies
fault
โ
โง
โ
None of this would be happening if Dad didn't put him in charge.
charge
โ
โง
โ
You're right.
โ
โง
โ
- I'm gonna kill him. - No, no. Whoa.
kill
whoa
โ
โง
โ
You gotta do something worse than that. Something much, much worse.
worse
โ
โง
โ
(doorbell ringing)
doorbell
doorbell-ringing
ringing
โ
โง
โ
- Oh! Hello, Dennis. - Hello, Mrs. Kelly.
dennis
kelly
โ
โง
โ
- You look wonderful. - Thank you.
โ
โง
โ
Oh. Oh, my!
โ
โง
โ
Well, uh, it's good to see you, Dennis. What brings you by?
brings
dennis
โ
โง
โ
I wanted to bring you some chocolates.
bring
chocolates
wanted
โ
โง
โ
- Thank you. - Do you mind if I come in?
mind
โ
โง
โ
Okay.
โ
โง
โ
Oh, no.
โ
โง
โ
- That son of a bitch. - I know it.
bitch
โ
โง
โ
- No! No, he said he loved me. - How dare he do that?
dare
loved
โ
โง
โ
I'm gonna stab him.
stab
โ
โง
โ
- I'm gonna stab his face off. - No. No, stabbing's bad.
face
stab
โ
โง
โ
You need to do something worse. Something much, much worse.
worse
โ
โง
โ
You gotta sleep with Charlie. (whimpers)
charlie
sleep
whimpers
โ
โง
โ
Shh. Shh, shh, shh.
โ
โง
โ
I'm sorry, sweetie. I just don't find you sexually attractive.
attractive
sexually
sweetie
โ
โง
โ
Are you kidding me? You don't find me sexually attractive?
attractive
kidding
sexually
โ
โง
โ
What in the hell is going on? What is wrong with you people?
โ
โง
โ
I am sexually...
sexually
โ
โง
โ
I am sexually attractive.
attractive
sexually
โ
โง
โ
I am an attractive man. (sobs)
attractive
sobs
โ
โง
โ
- Bam. - What the hell is that?
โ
โง
โ
$443.
โ
โง
โ
Listen, Mac, let's just end this right now.
โ
โง
โ
I only slept with you to piss Frank off.
frank
piss
slept
โ
โง
โ
Afterward I felt like I was gonna throw up.
throw
โ
โง
โ
- Frank makes you want to throw up? - No. You're not listening.
frank
listening
makes
throw
โ
โง
โ
It's you that makes me want to throw up.
makes
throw
โ
โง
โ
Oh. So you don't want to be my girlfriend anymore?
anymore
girlfriend
โ
โง
โ
- Jesus Christ. - Wait a second. Hold on.
christ
jesus
jesus-christ
second
โ
โง
โ
Wait! I'm confused. So you don't want to be my girlfriend anymore?
anymore
confused
girlfriend
โ
โง
โ
- Hey. - Oh, shit!
โ
โง
โ
No, Mac, it's okay. It's all right.
โ
โง
โ
- Listen, uh... - Okay, let me explain.
explain
โ
โง
โ
No, no. I understand, okay?
โ
โง
โ
- You do? - Yeah.
โ
โง
โ
Look, I... I think I know how you're feeling.
feeling
โ
โง
โ
Oh, man. That is such a relief.
relief
โ
โง
โ
Check this out. I...
check
โ
โง
โ
- You've done well. - Thank you.
โ
โง
โ
And your date with the waitress is all set up.
date
waitress
โ
โง
โ
- That is so wonderful. - I have to ask you though.
โ
โง
โ
How did you know that your mom wasn't gonna sleep with Dennis?
dennis
sleep
โ
โง
โ
Hmm.
โ
โง
โ
Guess I kind of overlooked that detail. Okay, time for phase three.
detail
phase
three
โ
โง
โ
No, Charlie. You said there were only two phases.
charlie
โ
โง
โ
This one's easy.
easy
ones
โ
โง
โ
Okay. Phase three complete.
complete
phase
three
โ
โง
โ
- It looks good? - You look really good.
โ
โง
โ
- You sure? - Yes.
โ
โง
โ
- You're all done? - I'm all done. You look great.
โ
โง
โ
- Okay. Thanks for helping me out. - You're welcome.
helping
thanks
welcome
โ
โง
โ
The waitress is gonna be here soon. I'm gonna go back to bartending,
bartending
waitress
โ
โง
โ
and you will go back to handling poo-poo.
handling
โ
โง
โ
- Okay. Phase four. - No! No.
four
phase
โ
โง
โ
- I got a quick phase four. - Charlie.
charlie
four
phase
quick
โ
โง
โ
- Let me squeeze a phase four in. - I won't. You cannot...
cannot
four
phase
squeeze
โ
โง
โ
- Just give me one little phase... - No. No.
phase
โ
โง
โ
- Okay, fine! It's over. Okay? - Thank you.
โ
โง
โ
You are hereby released of all Charlie work.
charlie
hereby
released
โ
โง
โ
Hey, guys, uh, can you do me a favor and not get too drunk?
drunk
favor
โ
โง
โ
All right? 'Cause I got some kegs that I need changing.
changing
kegs
โ
โง
โ
Uh, there's, like, you know what? There's rats down in the rat traps.
rats
traps
โ
โง
โ
Hello, gang!
gang
โ
โง
โ
You're lookin' at the new Frank. Ooh!
frank
lookin
โ
โง
โ
#I've still got the moves
moves
โ
โง
โ
#I've still got what it takes#
takes
โ
โง
โ
- What the hell is she doing here? - "What the hell is she doing here?"
โ
โง
โ
Really? Really. I'll tell you what I'm doing here.
โ
โง
โ
You wanna know what I'm doing here, shit-for-brains?
brains
โ
โง
โ
I had sex with your dad.
โ
โง
โ
That's right, I had sex with your father,
father
โ
โง
โ
because, just like you, I like my sex old and ugly.
ugly
โ
โง
โ
And with fake hair on their heads that falls off
fake
falls
hair
heads
โ
โง
โ
when you're having sex with 'em. It just falls off,
falls
having
โ
โง
โ
because that's what you do, Dennis Reynolds.
dennis
dennis-reynolds
reynolds
โ
โง
โ
You like to have sex with old people and you said that you loved me!
loved
โ
โง
โ
You said, "I love you" and so I thought, "Okay, I love you too".
love
โ
โง
โ
How do you show love? You go and have sex with old people.
love
โ
โง
โ
So that's what I did too!
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