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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S02E04 — Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 2, Episode 4 — Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom
Air date: July 06, 2006
Director: Dan Attias
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Barbara hooks up with Mac to make Frank jealous, which leads to retaliation from Dennis.
Source: TMDB
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(doorbell ringing)
doorbelldoorbell-ringingringing
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- What? - Hi, Mrs. Reynolds.
reynolds
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What do you want?
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Frank sent me over to pick up his toupee.
frankpicksenttoupee
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- His toupee? - Yep.
toupee
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What does he need his toupee for?
toupee
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I think he has a date or something.
date
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- Frank has a date? - Yeah, I guess.
datefrank
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Well, he can't have it. It's mine.
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You own his hair?
hair
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All right, fine. It's in a box in the hallway.
hallway
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I was gonna throw it away anyway.
throw
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I'm really sorry about this. I know it's probably a tough time for you.
tough
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Divorce is a tricky thing. Oh! I found it.
divorcefoundtricky
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I got the hair now.
hair
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Found the hair. So I guess I'll just, uh, see myself out.
foundhair
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Right. Thank you for the hair.
hair
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Oh, shit.
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FRANK: Wait till you see the hair. Is really authentic-looking hair.
authenticfrankhairlookingtill
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- It looks good. - How do you know the chick, anyway?
chick
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Angie Spinola. High school.
angieschool
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Firecracker. Hung out all the time.
firecrackerhung
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- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, we did everything together.
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Wild sex. Whoa! I mean...
whoawild
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- You name it, we did it. - Well, she sounds awesome.
awesomenamesounds
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They don't make women like Angie anymore. Tell you that right now.
angieanymorewomen
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Charlie, you gonna be okay, I leave you alone at the bar here?
alonecharlie
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I think things've been going pretty well since you put me in charge.
charge
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Right. Keep your fingers crossed.
crossedfingersfingers-crossed
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What are you?
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Why? Why would a person wipe their own shit onto a wall?
personwallwipe
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DENNIS: I don't know. (toilet flushes)
dennisflushestoilettoilet-flushes
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What are you doing? I thought you were cleaning the toilet.
cleaningtoilet
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What? Cleaning the toilet? No, that's what Charlie does.
charliecleaningtoilet
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I'm not doing Charlie work anymore.
anymorecharlie
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Okay, Dad said we need to, so get back in there and clean the stall.
cleanstall
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Dee, Dee. Will you take it easy? I got a plan to get us out of it.
easyplan
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You do? Oh, God, that's good news. What is it?
news
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Well, let's just say I got a little date tonight,
datedate-tonighttonight
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and as soon as Charlie sees who it is,
charliesees
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no more Charlie work for me. - How does that help me?
charlie
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- I guess it doesn't, really. - Mmm-mmm. It sure doesn't.
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You know, you should come up with a plan just like I did
plan
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and then you can get out of Charlie work too.
charlie
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Oh, you think I can't come up with a plan? (door closes)
closesdoordoor-closesplan
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- Hey! - Dennis, hey.
dennis
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- Got something for you. - What?
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Really? Wow! Oh, thank you. That's really nice.
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- Can I take your coat? - Uh, are we staying here?
coatstaying
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No, no. I just want to have a look at what you're wearing.
wearing
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- Okay. - All right.
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- So, what do you think? - Yeah, okay.
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That'll work. Are you not wearing makeup?
makeupthatllwearingwearing-makeup
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- I'm wearing makeup. - Really?
makeupwearingwearing-makeup
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- Yeah. - Do you have any more?
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- No. I didn't bring makeup. - Mmm.
bringmakeup
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Uh, okay. That's all right. Let's go say good night to Charlie. Come on.
charlienight
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Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea.
idea
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Oh, no, no. He's totally fine with the situation. It's cool. Come on.
coolsituation
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- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
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Okay.
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(door opens) (laughing) Hey, buddy.
buddydoordoor-openslaughingopens
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Please knock if you're gonna be coming into my off...
comingknock
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What ya doin'?
doin
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I was doing some office stuff.
officestuff
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Well, listen, uh, we are gonna hit the town
town
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so we just wanted to pop back and say good night.
nightwanted
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Looks like you got everything under control back here.
control
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Yeah, I do.
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That's a nice house of cards, Charlie.
cardscharliehouse
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Actually, no. I was doing some business stuff
businessstuff
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'cause I'm the manager now. - Great. Well, we're out of here.
manager
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- Don't work too hard okay, bud? - Good night, Charlie.
charliehardnightnight-charlie
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- Good night. - Could you give me one second?
nightsecond
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Yeah. Thanks.
thanks
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(chuckles) Okay, listen. Here's the deal.
chucklesdeal
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Uh, I'm gonna bang her tonight, probably around 10:30 or so.
bangtonight
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I really don't wanna do that, so all you have to do to stop me
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s call my cell phone by 10:30
cellcell-phonephone
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and say, "Dennis, you don't have to do Charlie work anymore."
anymorecharliedennis
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- You're won't get away with this. - Oh, yeah, I will.
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I'll get away with it. 10:30, okay?
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10:30.
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Gonna blackmail me? You gonna blackmail me, Dennis Reynolds?
blackmaildennisdennis-reynoldsreynolds
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- You ready? - I'm ready. Let's roll.
readyroll
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- Hey-o! What's up, buddy? - Hello.
buddy
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- What's that? - It's your dad's hair.
dadshair
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- Gross. - Yeah. Is Charlie here?
charliegross
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Yeah, man. What's up with you?
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- You seem flustered. - Where's Charlie?
charlie
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- He's in the back office. - I wanna talk to him.
office
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- Okay. Go talk to him. - Okay.
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Great. Yeah.
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- Uh... Bye, Dennis. - See ya.
dennis
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Charlie, I have a real dilemma on my hands.
charliedilemmahandsreal
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Normally I wouldn't talk to you about this 'cause you're unreliable,
normally
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but Dennis, Dee and Frank are all directly involved in this,
dennisdirectlyfrankinvolved
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and I gotta tell somebody, man. I am bustin'. Okay.
somebody
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Dennis's mom tried to have sex with me.
dennisstried
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- Interesting. - She got naked, she came on to me.
interestingnaked
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I mean, that woman is straight crazy but I think I wanna bang her, man.
bangcrazystraightwoman
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- I know I shouldn't do it. - I think you should do it.
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- What? - An opportunity like this
opportunity
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only comes around once in a lifetime, right?
comeslifetime
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And so you'd be a fool to let it slip through your fingers.
fingersfoolslip
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Yeah, that's what I'm thinkin', but it's Dennis and Dee's mom.
deesdennisthinkin
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Well, that means that no one ever, ever is gonna find out.
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- That doesn't make sense. - It doesn't have to make sense.
sense
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You're right. I'm gonna do it. (both laughing)
laughing
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- Okay. Okay. Oh, this is good. - This is good.
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I gotta meet Frank. I gotta give him his hair.
frankhairmeet
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You go, 'cause I gotta plot, and I gotta think.
plot
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- Great. - Get outta here. God, this is good!
outta
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Dennis's mom. Yes, he is.
denniss
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- I'm busy. - I want my job back.
busy
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- Look, I'm... What? - I want my job back.
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Well, I'm...
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And you shall have it.
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Oh, Dee.
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It looks like we both need things from each other.
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I am not having sex with you, Charlie.
charliehaving
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No. It's not sex I want from you.
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It's sex I don't want from Dennis.
dennis
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Hmm?
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Mmm. So you gotta tell me about all the shit you been gettin' into.
gettin
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You must have a police record a mile long.
milemustpolicerecord
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- Oh, God. No. - Don't be modest now.
modest
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You remember all the shit we used to get into?
rememberused
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You remember that night in the graveyard?
graveyardnightremember
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- How could I forget? - That slab was cold, baby.
babycoldforgetslab
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And remember the time we robbed a motorcycle and ran it into a river?
motorcyclerememberriverrobbed
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Well, you must be doin' shit like that now, huh? Come on.
doinmust
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Well, I've slowed down quite a bit once I met my husband, Carl.
carlhusbandslowed
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Oh, you told me you weren't married.
married
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Oh, I'm not. Carl passed a few years ago.
carlpassedyears
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Once I met him and had kids, I pretty much stayed at home.
homekidsstayed
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Carl had two children from a previous marriage
carlchildrenmarriageprevious
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and then we had five of our own.
five
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Oh, shit.
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Hi. I'm Jenny. I'll be your server this evening.
eveningjennyserver
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Are you ready to order, or do you need some more time?
orderready
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Well, I think we need just a little more time.
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Okay, I'll be back in a second.
second
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- Isn't having children a blessing? - What?
blessingchildrenhaving
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Isn't having children such a blessing?
blessingchildrenhaving
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- What the hell you talking about? - Well, I mean, when Carl passed,
carlpassed
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my children were an enormous source of strength.
childrenenormoussourcestrength
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- I mean, I thought... - Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
whoawhoa-whoa
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- Angie, I'm gonna have to stop you. - I'm sorry?
angie
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- This is not gonna work out. - What's not going to work out?
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- You, me, talking like this. - Why? What's wrong?
↓
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For starters, you've got kids and shit. And you talk about 'em.
kidsstarters
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You talk about your kids, you talk about your dead husband.
deadhusbandkids
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- It's kind of bummin' me out. - Oh, you know, I'm sorry.
↓
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It's not your fault. Just, maybe... I think you're too old for me.
fault
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Frank, I'm two years younger than you.
frankyearsyounger
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That's what I'm talkin' about.
talkin
↓
fe225196-6e41-4ccb-a5bd-7254e4357d86.gif
- I had a really good time tonight. - I had a good time too.
tonight
↓
0e8f3be8-97a8-4d40-b7cd-fd70f3d123c6.gif
- Okay, what's the deal with that? - What?
deal
↓
18c40330-2531-4d36-88c0-d7a628efcde0.gif
Why do you keep checking your cell phone?
cellcell-phonecheckingphone
↓
bf33f35e-e2d0-435b-ac44-0f9646eaf293.gif
I've just been, I've been expecting an important phone call.
expectingphone
↓
e4132f2c-30bb-4001-84df-0752710d6b8f.gif
- I'm sorry. - Right. No, good luck with that.
luck
↓
4bef42bc-6ce8-492e-add8-09d542ca9476.gif
Wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't go. I wanna go inside.
↓
8f4d205d-5f4b-433d-923a-ad0dde5c4a4e.gif
No. I'm not gonna ask you inside, Dennis.
dennis
↓
7acb21d0-9501-401d-888f-57c188c43b30.gif
- Why not? - Because I really like you.
↓
4098b49f-fcc4-4585-a34e-c8d3df0f1548.gif
Well, yeah. I mean... I really like you too.
↓
1b687e8a-6750-408f-8b8c-0828b07ec61a.gif
- Then let's take it slow, okay? - Oh... Oh, wait.
slow
↓
84bb5176-ba02-4f11-a620-9908d10b3242.gif
Uh... I love you.
love
↓
9acf1b1a-f29b-4c65-b156-09a62334a3da.gif
(laughs) I kind of don't know what to say.
laughs
↓
6d104ad5-d8ec-4d34-ac1b-da8a1870ab8d.gif
I kind of don't want you to say anything.
↓
6c07ffb2-0800-4f88-a57c-b71225249f59.gif
(cell phone ringing) Oh, uh, hold that thought.
cellcell-phonecell-phone-ringingphonephone-ringingringing
↓
93cf4ac6-8f12-49d5-a19a-164e35218c3d.gif
Cuttin' it pretty close there, pal. I almost sealed the deal.
closedealsealed
↓
4947ae95-e6c7-4d0c-9c4d-29eae145767c.gif
Just meet me at Paddy's and we'll work it all out.
meetpaddys
↓
03befd86-fa30-4a92-8569-123db9763437.gif
(laughs) Sorry about, uh...
laughs
↓
c92b0081-c9d3-408d-a202-9b42bbd351ac.gif
I feel like maybe I was being a little judgmental.
judgmental
↓
0add2e20-1007-4026-9e54-d364b9c8435f.gif
- You're good. - Okay. Well, let's go.
↓
3d4f6543-e016-4a1d-83d0-e34413610d5f.gif
No. You were right. I should, I'm gonna go.
↓
6ccbd9a5-47b3-4e8f-a618-a6b04be322a0.gif
Yeah. I'm gonna go now. We should take it slow. You were right.
slow
↓
87f552b2-8014-4a5b-a5f7-502c05a52b36.gif
Really? Because I don't need to now.
↓
6c438a0a-8499-4dff-a25e-e3f019060f81.gif
I think it's good. I think it's real good.
real
↓
7ba62f4b-eea7-46b8-b0e8-b905a7daa514.gif
Call me. (chuckles)
chuckles
↓
23bc47e0-8a88-428e-b853-5768429428c2.gif
Charlie?
charlie
↓
211263f5-a81e-4f8b-b65d-2b7ae6992c9c.gif
You called just in the nick of time, buddy. I was...
buddycallednick
↓
edaafcff-c980-4fe6-ac73-5e25ff063bbc.gif
Looks like we got a blown fuse in here.
blownfuse
↓
26dc82bd-eb89-43b5-a94e-6d0488785ea5.gif
Better get on that. Blown fuses count as Charlie work.
blowncharliecount
↓
2dc4b398-4cca-497f-bdcb-f16ce135a8f2.gif
Oh, I don't think I'll be changing any fuses any time soon.
changing
↓
630c91c3-8f21-45e1-8192-45f03ac5589f.gif
I know something you don't know.
↓
6c08c11c-0f08-41a9-a429-0f0e2cf7c74d.gif
That was, like, the best sex I've ever had, Mrs. Reynolds.
bestreynolds
↓
c213ccf4-b6e6-4f33-9958-1b0f2060711c.gif
- Like something magical happened. - Hmm?
happenedmagical
↓
caaf5f29-aa99-499a-b766-36f75d65ab06.gif
I was just saying that that was, like, so special, and...
special
↓
ecaebe0f-fe84-4fc5-87a7-2353005058f1.gif
I mean, it was like magic.
magic
↓
a1add740-f66d-4696-8bb8-c82674fa31fa.gif
You're not gonna start talking about your feelings and shit, are you?
feelingsstart
↓
9587dc42-5783-4159-af6d-443f23ceed78.gif
No. Gay.
↓
bef6f711-e68f-411a-8ff9-52a1594eeb5b.gif
No. It's just that, I mean, unless you want to, 'cause...
↓
ebe8c2dd-5fb7-40c4-abb1-c1cbdda7c54d.gif
No.
↓
d9eeebcf-079b-4edb-a7e9-830d1cff66f3.gif
I got a better plan.
plan
↓
0c27b9bc-64bf-4883-ba9b-8f376f243599.gif
Okay. All right. So can I call you sometime?
sometime
↓
caea8c99-e457-454b-8a85-a2b2e587e5c6.gif
- I have your number, right? - No, I don't think so.
number
↓
c3c3b666-55a9-4859-b7ef-88c136613f46.gif
Well, I know how to find you. Why don't we just leave it at that?
↓
79ef56c7-91af-4f85-8007-34161f5d57cd.gif
All right. Did I do something wrong? I mean, was the sex bad?
↓
539e9d9b-4d69-4434-accf-11c88ab3114b.gif
- Don't worry about it. - I can make adjustments.
adjustmentsworry
↓
12ef9ddc-2e87-483d-93d4-ac0671d44a2b.gif
'Cause I've had to do that before, and it hasn't been a problem.
problem
↓
c4dca451-a907-475f-8f97-a0fbc730bbaa.gif
- I'm shutting the door now. - If I could have a kiss goodbye
doorgoodbyekissshutting
↓
d54ddcb6-7d68-4778-81f8-144aeadb6e04.gif
that would be really great for me.
↓
a14433ad-992d-47bc-a269-3bcc17d21c4b.gif
If I gave you a kiss goodbye, would you let go of the door?
doorgoodbyekiss
↓
c0f99454-03d4-4c4f-953c-3e2b5db62eb6.gif
- Yeah. - Fine.
↓
d641a554-3bb2-4065-aa6c-b9f9d4fd07e3.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
180543cb-0d2a-4f21-88a9-46272ac3d58e.gif
- Oh! - Yeah. It's a terrible thing.
↓
b8dd4032-c88e-4601-a87e-f84973998667.gif
It's a terrible thing for you to see that.
↓
536d484e-fecf-4e6e-b533-c21f80368dbb.gif
- I'm gonna kill him. - No. No. Wait, wait, wait.
kill
↓
ee9c426a-0e7b-4f66-924f-d8c21bf43287.gif
What are you gonna do, punch him in the face? Throw him? Work the body?
bodyfacepunchthrow
↓
85869cf7-75fe-4317-8183-7bf7098c8f4f.gif
That's not gonna help. No, no, it's not gonna help. I'll tell you why.
↓
4de8e525-e980-4af8-a983-f7e8a2aeb262.gif
It doesn't un-bang your mom. No, you gotta do something worse.
bangworse
↓
41d106c3-3708-423d-af48-ea63f4b8133d.gif
Something much, much worse.
worse
↓
a8363c5f-1f10-4f4b-8136-4747daa2fc91.gif
You're gonna have to bang Mac's mom.
bangmacs
↓
ca293da5-f0fa-45f9-9a92-bbfd8c6242f5.gif
- Hi. - What?
↓
1743c6df-8042-449c-9385-1f80bc444e70.gif
I'm looking for Mrs. Mac. Is she in?
looking
↓
c1f20205-d6d3-41a3-8e0e-85c53ad2c1f7.gif
- Yeah. - I'm a friend of her son's.
friendsons
↓
2513df84-eba2-43ef-a916-79819acf174e.gif
- I know you, Dennis. - Oh.
dennis
↓
a4723c8f-16aa-4dd5-b7c2-0bc40886d8b6.gif
Oh, my God. Oh.
↓
3627a8a1-93ee-491a-b617-edff575f0b16.gif
It's been a long time.
↓
9c0e0169-142f-4a89-b07c-d44654ecb220.gif
Haven't seen you in a while. You look different.
seen
↓
40a4088f-0798-4db5-a19f-882791c1a158.gif
- I've gained a little weight. - Is that what it is?
gainedweight
↓
3db40d3a-65fa-4e38-825c-cd5d57d0792d.gif
- Looks good on you. - Yeah.
↓
f53c4da4-bfaa-4a54-a2b5-0c559e9f5dd0.gif
Yeah.
↓
757acf84-fac6-4a46-9db0-ddf934be482e.gif
Do you mind if I sit?
mind
↓
7943de3d-ed30-4ba4-a01f-3c35fa29ba63.gif
So. Watching a little TV outside, huh?
watching
↓
76800ed7-510e-46be-9522-42dca7286281.gif
I like the fresh air.
fresh
↓
b87dcfc5-739a-4bd5-b26e-ab9e238c1b2b.gif
Probably gets a little lonely, though, every once in a while,
lonely
↓
bc708878-8664-412a-a972-bd2d5236d912.gif
watching TV out here by yourself. (chuckles)
chuckleswatching
↓
948f3dc1-1f63-45bb-902f-f0abf82809ce.gif
Every once in a while you probably want a man, right?
↓
31daf3a7-ae6e-4788-bc2e-ea233a46ca01.gif
(exhales) Someone to fulfill your desires.
desiresexhalesfulfill
↓
7e879ea7-4142-45db-99a0-119292c99691.gif
Oh.
↓
475ff021-3f13-4446-b0b4-3f152976a11a.gif
Not interested.
interested
↓
3cd55a65-df9b-4529-80d3-0b3589f80929.gif
Don't fight it, Mrs. Mac.
fight
↓
f397e5e9-85b0-4bfd-b34c-b9fda90bf3b3.gif
Why don't we go inside and have a little fun?
fun
↓
79b38bbb-17cb-4b33-83c9-145a6617b5fd.gif
- Don't find you attractive. - What?
attractive
↓
7b29581c-5e31-4782-878b-796dca706a70.gif
I think you're an ugly man.
ugly
↓
5c28c1c6-a950-4e60-99bf-387427b260b0.gif
- You think I'm ugly? - Yeah.
ugly
↓
758307d3-df26-4161-b860-4b708c6c3205.gif
- I'm not ugly. You're ugly. - Yeah.
ugly
↓
93c5c4c6-722f-414d-8bb8-9fafa3e8f86c.gif
Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you, woman?
christjesusjesus-christwoman
↓
de8cc636-a84e-4aac-ad85-8a740211c458.gif
You're saying that I'm... You don't find me attractive?
attractive
↓
030a6e83-0841-48af-9857-7c4d614d1ad6.gif
- No. - You're not gonna have sex with me?
↓
94c6db33-6223-4cf5-907b-db328240467c.gif
- No. - It's ridiculous. I'm out of here.
ridiculous
↓
42cb2952-88c0-4f75-addf-ad0d2650a08e.gif
Wait. What? What just happened?
happened
↓
0615d5a5-1b9e-4ce4-abee-c85d80ba5105.gif
I think you know exactly what just happened.
happened
↓
7413489e-f682-42b1-87f4-3db7bb53caef.gif
No. No, come on. He did not try to have sex with that woman.
woman
↓
34761d82-5307-40cc-be57-a2437f5a3ffa.gif
He did, 'cause he's a dirty, dirty pervert.
dirtydirty-dirtypervert
↓
0397022b-8db8-409a-a4cb-2ff30903a1d1.gif
- I'm... I'm so confused. - Really? Are you? I can help you.
confused
↓
fcd9a7f7-25da-41cb-a6d8-1afef9c03048.gif
Don't trust him. - But...
trust
↓
fd715b6c-d356-4464-8654-d62765c6c288.gif
(cell phone ringing) Uh-oh. Excuse me.
cellcell-phonecell-phone-ringingexcusephonephone-ringingringing
↓
2cffe7e3-1e52-409a-9e87-12ebeb425b6f.gif
- I need to get this. - Okay.
↓
917a105c-1ac3-4466-bc9a-8f1dfa1d8671.gif
Can you pop out real quick? (ringing continues)
continuesquickrealreal-quickringingringing-continues
↓
e72fb502-5874-4cb6-b192-3d77d131a444.gif
- Really? - Yeah. It's personal.
personal
↓
938018dd-e236-4722-9037-1cc48863c36c.gif
You don't want to be rude, so... Excuse me.
excuserude
↓
d6e9fb29-61fe-47da-852d-d6b62e4b5317.gif
- Oh, my God. - Thanks.
thanks
↓
a3e8ceb9-7e49-4fec-8dc6-9bfbcf608f74.gif
- Cat's in the cradle. - Good, good, good.
catscradle
↓
63084ab4-9c74-4dac-8d44-ea9bc4332e08.gif
Time to move to phase two.
phase
↓
abe63633-53de-494c-9b2f-7baba45b3080.gif
There is no phase two. I'm not doing phase two.
phase
↓
bb054f0e-6d90-457a-a96c-fa80f9682625.gif
I did everything you said. And it's over.
↓
6601d99b-2d98-475c-a203-19e4be31da7a.gif
This isn't over until I say it's over!
↓
7cdaec3e-9297-47b7-a414-1791f2c32bf4.gif
God. Sorry. Okay. Relax, dude.
relax
↓
f707f0b1-b3a9-473b-99b1-bd90c436fdd5.gif
One more phase. That's it.
phase
↓
45581673-cbf7-4e6c-9f2d-f83fb7e3006f.gif
(on machine) This is Barbara. Leave a message.
barbaramachinemessage
↓
3c89d27c-1aac-4776-a2b9-768afc3e6fe5.gif
(beeps) Hey, uh... Not answering my calls.
answeringbeepscalls
↓
18903747-047b-407a-a3c7-0bbf1c14e2bc.gif
I get it. You're busy. You're busy. It's a busy time of the week.
busyweek
↓
d3524ba7-851a-4a12-8d58-79df2ad0c9d7.gif
Um, listen, I think you should give me a call back
↓
ee9c29b5-d4d9-40a9-a290-6838ef38a804.gif
because I know what you're afraid of.
afraid
↓
d31c9d6d-c26c-40a0-9e64-d861f04f393c.gif
You think Frank and Dennis are gonna find out,
dennisfrank
↓
252fa40c-2def-4246-8462-d3be3ff045db.gif
but they're not gonna find out anything, okay?
↓
96c23690-c41e-4f4d-998c-b98db7e6996a.gif
I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on this one.
mouth
↓
cc7a8245-3bfe-484f-843c-e9dfc1387f27.gif
And I know that you know that the sex was good, right?
↓
ff0f950a-7961-4f91-868a-a8cb4ce55f38.gif
So I think maybe we should... (knocking at door)
doorknocking
↓
9cb5a8c7-4188-4bc2-87f7-66da9a99c41d.gif
There's somebody at the door. I'm just gonna ignore it.
doorignoresomebody
↓
e5b452da-decf-43ba-b21f-7e400d2634c0.gif
I think that maybe we should get together... (pounding at door)
doorpounding
↓
fea2fe5c-dd4e-42b5-9eba-c1d8e0e15016.gif
They sound pissed. Listen, I'll give you a call back. Right.
pissedsound
↓
47367fdd-f058-46ae-9701-eb285feceed2.gif
- Let's go for a ride. - Why?
ride
↓
b44f60c5-0ec3-43a6-a696-fcb9bc78968d.gif
Grab your coat. We're goin' for a ride.
coatgoingrabride
↓
cc1188bd-279e-4148-8a3c-77a0332e1f4e.gif
- Are you going to kill me? - What? No.
kill
↓
b71e65fd-a5a4-4fc7-a840-e01a798e1d57.gif
I just wanna go out and pick up some younger chicks
chickspickyounger
↓
baff81a8-6d2f-4a71-ad2b-44bfa30bfcf8.gif
and I need a wing man for that. Come on. Let's roll.
rollwing
↓
e091b4bc-5952-415e-a386-f10f9098be11.gif
(disco playing) How about the two out there on the dance floor?
dancedance-floordiscofloorplaying
↓
691280a0-f222-4f29-8528-896b78eefc82.gif
- Go on. Go on, break the ice. - Oh, come on, man.
break
↓
a9e03114-f30e-4301-8539-8f0cf4087fe3.gif
- Come on, man. Go. Go. - All right, all right.
↓
122ae775-1c10-4a6e-8801-c832e1adde44.gif
Hey, how ya doin'? I like your top. Lookin' good. Mac.
doinlookin
↓
a23ae742-57cf-41e7-84af-3f2c757c27fc.gif
- Hi. - Hi. I'm Frank.
frank
↓
64b1977c-686d-406e-a865-3d7dadfcb296.gif
Wanna get down? Huh?
↓
2129ce3d-3622-4624-91eb-0b1bb0a9ae4a.gif
What happened? What did you do?
happened
↓
a67d426f-a87f-4529-9e8f-b74523e7a8f2.gif
What are you talking about, what did I do? What was that little move?
↓
d2cad58d-0e2b-4187-b16a-e9f878ebe6f8.gif
That move always works with the ladies.
ladiesworks
↓
4eee6c5f-3d31-44c5-a30b-2b3077aa8113.gif
Frank, you have never gotten a chick with that move.
chickfrankgotten
↓
20a0b6f0-eeb5-4158-970d-f98cb46767e8.gif
What are you talkin' about? That's how I got my wife.
talkinwife
↓
df3ee235-a199-4ac1-9186-d5b41b12e1ab.gif
- Really? - Yeah, don't go blamin' the move.
↓
88ce31a3-c502-44c0-90ce-4759dfacb53c.gif
The move works.
works
↓
ae838caf-1ef7-4dfe-9dd6-74f908c99037.gif
So, uh, what other kind of things worked on your wife?
wifeworked
↓
1bf39bce-96f9-45df-ad11-baaf82af0ad8.gif
- She likes money. - So she likes money and dancing.
dancinglikesmoney
↓
70875623-ad56-492f-86d3-d8ef3e7c1123.gif
Can we stop talking about my wife for a second here?
secondwife
↓
7096fc89-6f08-4994-8c88-5d812c581489.gif
You're killin' the vibe. Let me see now.
killinvibe
↓
f88eee2c-6586-4af6-9095-798c4548ffda.gif
Over there. Try the move.
↓
3d145700-d2c9-4bc8-9339-dd28c2dd5a4a.gif
You hang over here, this side. I...
hangside
↓
5614982a-4ee1-4012-92df-0044e93bf452.gif
Hello, hello, hello. I'm Frank. Remember?
frankremember
↓
cc437f41-358b-42e1-a458-a60f839a59ae.gif
#Go, go for it Go for it, ooh
↓
372b1328-1ae5-4147-9e50-4b6f76a40adf.gif
#Go for it, go for it. Ooh#
↓
51af94ec-cc07-4c5e-b4a5-d55e61ebabfd.gif
Where'd he go? Mac!
whered
↓
f4398922-befd-4d71-9330-b2a2fd7c0b61.gif
(knocking at door) Go away.
doorknocking
↓
f48ae9ca-3d5a-408f-9901-129d71b7a727.gif
- We need to talk. - Dee, now's not a good time.
nows
↓
bb60f0f9-5878-48e7-98ea-b27f4dcebb8b.gif
Charlie is making me have sex with him to get out of Charlie work.
charlie
↓
187c0f8c-d123-4503-b2b5-9a642243359d.gif
- What? - Yeah, I know. Really gross.
gross
↓
1e37352f-5cf9-4841-ac33-8235b6dfc0c3.gif
Am I the only one around here who's not getting laid?
laid
↓
7526e1ee-10b6-4e64-992c-624351c4c8a0.gif
Dennis, Charlie is forcing me to have sex with him.
charliedennisdennis-charlieforcing
↓
346473b4-998f-4db5-81e1-e1d45a832781.gif
Mac's getting laid. You're getting laid.
laidmacs
↓
0618e9ec-6db9-4998-b300-722cd21423c5.gif
Now, even Charlie's getting laid? This makes me look terrible.
charlieslaidmakes
↓
f412b1f8-2004-4209-8091-c186e6d81015.gif
Well, you know what? This is all Charlie's fault.
charliesfault
↓
ba416b48-6532-4772-a7f7-8b64adc18b06.gif
None of this would be happening if Dad didn't put him in charge.
charge
↓
f94d18b2-3bd7-4563-910a-326beb4e27d3.gif
You're right.
↓
1c955506-7662-45a1-8fc6-a7c3d58d3ec3.gif
- I'm gonna kill him. - No, no. Whoa.
killwhoa
↓
6f625d18-1dd1-4806-8809-d62ea8ab6417.gif
You gotta do something worse than that. Something much, much worse.
worse
↓
c8a4a867-d32f-45ac-96e2-8c3707506326.gif
(doorbell ringing)
doorbelldoorbell-ringingringing
↓
a39d0102-ce60-4753-a5c8-0fb8efabde6f.gif
- Oh! Hello, Dennis. - Hello, Mrs. Kelly.
denniskelly
↓
a7d8050e-2832-4b9c-9704-a4638be8715f.gif
- You look wonderful. - Thank you.
↓
dc5e834a-30de-4c2d-a56a-6e65c94ec2fe.gif
Oh. Oh, my!
↓
727209ab-3f59-45d1-ab85-0fca4c8808a6.gif
Well, uh, it's good to see you, Dennis. What brings you by?
bringsdennis
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f9ba5247-e7bd-4fe7-9ccc-e31d948fc11c.gif
I wanted to bring you some chocolates.
bringchocolateswanted
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51564572-69a9-471b-8638-d60ca7c75872.gif
- Thank you. - Do you mind if I come in?
mind
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12b55faf-d428-4859-a0f7-0abc0e54d10f.gif
Okay.
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8e58e016-6cef-4184-8503-e281a6d331de.gif
Oh, no.
↓
b8629bfc-ecb2-40f4-aa41-d7a7e087814a.gif
- That son of a bitch. - I know it.
bitch
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82b015a4-378c-421a-bd48-1ad000ea8488.gif
- No! No, he said he loved me. - How dare he do that?
dareloved
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d155498e-8657-4ece-bf95-9edb107acd75.gif
I'm gonna stab him.
stab
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b92da2a5-a690-47ef-ace5-350a787363ed.gif
- I'm gonna stab his face off. - No. No, stabbing's bad.
facestab
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3d60218d-cf76-40d2-8f7b-5d36719f1beb.gif
You need to do something worse. Something much, much worse.
worse
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7836977b-66db-4619-81d0-5fb1b91fd6c1.gif
You gotta sleep with Charlie. (whimpers)
charliesleepwhimpers
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0c9ad0c7-16e4-4dd9-af66-07b104df13a1.gif
Shh. Shh, shh, shh.
↓
61a2d21d-f356-4f68-974f-b24fe4bd1f99.gif
I'm sorry, sweetie. I just don't find you sexually attractive.
attractivesexuallysweetie
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0a383cd5-f4d2-427a-81e0-be0792a53285.gif
Are you kidding me? You don't find me sexually attractive?
attractivekiddingsexually
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9b102824-5914-49cc-86b4-9c6397e3df5b.gif
What in the hell is going on? What is wrong with you people?
↓
9179dda3-11f4-4c34-bc94-c4ef5acdbbb2.gif
I am sexually...
sexually
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6c351b09-4028-40aa-84f6-aaa4f4f87417.gif
I am sexually attractive.
attractivesexually
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baef491a-a37b-4030-beba-0adfad9ea66c.gif
I am an attractive man. (sobs)
attractivesobs
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fffcaf80-9555-41f2-9fc2-5d99b6379bb5.gif
- Bam. - What the hell is that?
↓
8d609fdc-da95-4d63-b235-aeeb9475819c.gif
$443.
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fa405ff5-247c-4bc8-8ee8-927453c444aa.gif
Listen, Mac, let's just end this right now.
↓
2db9ce92-7c68-450e-8785-abfb6cc8ce79.gif
I only slept with you to piss Frank off.
frankpissslept
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4ef874a9-b938-4ed8-964d-78d86d9ec507.gif
Afterward I felt like I was gonna throw up.
throw
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fa6f3a33-b31b-4892-b3c0-bdd714ef28ab.gif
- Frank makes you want to throw up? - No. You're not listening.
franklisteningmakesthrow
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01b6579b-a9f4-41b8-b025-b141f2cd37f2.gif
It's you that makes me want to throw up.
makesthrow
↓
776b4c75-ee06-47e0-91de-b6cd65a0b0bf.gif
Oh. So you don't want to be my girlfriend anymore?
anymoregirlfriend
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2ada31e4-ab43-4e51-872f-823e1371bdd6.gif
- Jesus Christ. - Wait a second. Hold on.
christjesusjesus-christsecond
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870fa8c0-7bb5-4e77-b8fc-bf490fdc6e6b.gif
Wait! I'm confused. So you don't want to be my girlfriend anymore?
anymoreconfusedgirlfriend
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542fd797-6bcc-4685-b777-41019cf68d01.gif
- Hey. - Oh, shit!
↓
68503b2f-b50e-498c-a950-8e0394d1a116.gif
No, Mac, it's okay. It's all right.
↓
acc18346-834f-4d9f-9c60-0a5127be5bff.gif
- Listen, uh... - Okay, let me explain.
explain
↓
c330c6d1-ebfe-4b17-b4dd-2070af4b52e4.gif
No, no. I understand, okay?
↓
a521753a-30bf-4b56-8db5-418a808c3bfc.gif
- You do? - Yeah.
↓
ed79f23d-8059-45ef-bc2f-431ae7679688.gif
Look, I... I think I know how you're feeling.
feeling
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9585066c-e628-4261-a0ba-12d14925198c.gif
Oh, man. That is such a relief.
relief
↓
5de84d42-e811-48bd-b3ad-cb21c732cbae.gif
Check this out. I...
check
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8b793004-3126-47b0-b7aa-897f9ad2216c.gif
- You've done well. - Thank you.
↓
071865d3-b0c8-47cd-be5b-80ec814a42f9.gif
And your date with the waitress is all set up.
datewaitress
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d66dbe0f-9eb2-4404-9658-75977ed2ffa7.gif
- That is so wonderful. - I have to ask you though.
↓
3d85bf5e-b217-4b1f-a73c-14bceaa347ea.gif
How did you know that your mom wasn't gonna sleep with Dennis?
dennissleep
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74621993-067a-40f3-83ee-06a473a8c45a.gif
Hmm.
↓
7d16ec23-fcda-462a-aee9-e60113a79b7e.gif
Guess I kind of overlooked that detail. Okay, time for phase three.
detailphasethree
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a6a58684-adda-4897-badf-7e1970127477.gif
No, Charlie. You said there were only two phases.
charlie
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1ed454ca-2b2b-4020-89ba-69a1600cbfd9.gif
This one's easy.
easyones
↓
8e103721-6722-480f-b816-33ab13581bf7.gif
Okay. Phase three complete.
completephasethree
↓
847e57a3-0c93-4c65-92c2-e761d3d4e8b8.gif
- It looks good? - You look really good.
↓
4aa62201-e25a-4630-833e-69cb14bee955.gif
- You sure? - Yes.
↓
eb81f922-8e8e-4a15-a3fb-53aa6a10ebd8.gif
- You're all done? - I'm all done. You look great.
↓
570bae01-84f7-4853-91f6-64c0dd2f9528.gif
- Okay. Thanks for helping me out. - You're welcome.
helpingthankswelcome
↓
ce43ed04-be34-4747-b391-0cb58a54297f.gif
The waitress is gonna be here soon. I'm gonna go back to bartending,
bartendingwaitress
↓
664e6862-979f-4d70-9a9e-44bbf7d6ea76.gif
and you will go back to handling poo-poo.
handling
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49823965-7a82-4acb-afe9-749f00b9b2f4.gif
- Okay. Phase four. - No! No.
fourphase
↓
ebdb6450-f5a6-4128-92d5-42c6173c7f6f.gif
- I got a quick phase four. - Charlie.
charliefourphasequick
↓
ed983bd5-56a3-4582-886a-756806fbc13f.gif
- Let me squeeze a phase four in. - I won't. You cannot...
cannotfourphasesqueeze
↓
eed6334a-961d-44cb-a35e-ca389d28a5bc.gif
- Just give me one little phase... - No. No.
phase
↓
8d628ddf-8d3d-42c7-b16d-f8ab41064964.gif
- Okay, fine! It's over. Okay? - Thank you.
↓
6b40c7b9-a4f2-4365-8721-b5f7896de891.gif
You are hereby released of all Charlie work.
charlieherebyreleased
↓
83f9e4cf-4c3b-464c-81b0-9d978dd784c6.gif
Hey, guys, uh, can you do me a favor and not get too drunk?
drunkfavor
↓
c588e575-a716-494e-a96d-08f0f3e69115.gif
All right? 'Cause I got some kegs that I need changing.
changingkegs
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7841e193-754d-478c-bd23-85ac536655b7.gif
Uh, there's, like, you know what? There's rats down in the rat traps.
ratstraps
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eb0b0071-8e54-4cc9-84f8-aa4fd8a79f2c.gif
Hello, gang!
gang
↓
d96d3ac4-0650-4224-9290-cad0ea78780e.gif
You're lookin' at the new Frank. Ooh!
franklookin
↓
32c2a685-49b3-436e-9be0-43ffb443df25.gif
#I've still got the moves
moves
↓
81ed66cc-003e-410f-970c-90bb7865bbcf.gif
#I've still got what it takes#
takes
↓
2787ddd3-bddd-487a-8ead-696ac06f417c.gif
- What the hell is she doing here? - "What the hell is she doing here?"
↓
e92bc994-cf92-4e42-a5b5-91604b5ffd9c.gif
Really? Really. I'll tell you what I'm doing here.
↓
d39a7934-9989-44d7-9931-abb77dd8868c.gif
You wanna know what I'm doing here, shit-for-brains?
brains
↓
9db06663-82c0-4f63-aa53-63bdf73af11e.gif
I had sex with your dad.
↓
fedb2614-6ec2-4b52-b0b0-16e2ae450098.gif
That's right, I had sex with your father,
father
↓
836a2a35-85c8-4d73-addd-25b77f6c0b5c.gif
because, just like you, I like my sex old and ugly.
ugly
↓
7b37ccd9-9b3f-4265-b51a-77a4c1a852b7.gif
And with fake hair on their heads that falls off
fakefallshairheads
↓
90f6ed11-e211-4761-b5d5-2224c1b226d2.gif
when you're having sex with 'em. It just falls off,
fallshaving
↓
55d05824-250f-4123-8319-5cee5d3fc82d.gif
because that's what you do, Dennis Reynolds.
dennisdennis-reynoldsreynolds
↓
f08706f1-0591-46f5-b4ba-63bbb429e7c9.gif
You like to have sex with old people and you said that you loved me!
loved
↓
496968cd-b4d2-46fd-a77a-a3e53d7ce1f4.gif
You said, "I love you" and so I thought, "Okay, I love you too".
love
↓
44178a2b-7444-41cb-9e88-40136a55b9ff.gif
How do you show love? You go and have sex with old people.
love
↓
5e51173a-a6eb-47db-a6bb-5946205d2d3e.gif
So that's what I did too!