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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S11E04 — Dee Made a Smut Film
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Season 11, Episode 4 — Dee Made a Smut Film
- Hey, guys. Here we go. - I'm ordering it.
#1
⇓
Drop the bluff, Dee.
#2
⇓
No one believes you're in an actual movie.
#3
⇓
You guys are gonna feel hella stupid when you see me
#4
⇓
- acting in a feature film. - "Hella." Are we saying "hella" now?
#5
⇓
- 'Cause I like it. - No, we're not saying "hella," okay?
#6
⇓
- No. - Nobody's saying "hella" anymore.
#7
⇓
I never really got to say it. "Hella" came and went.
#8
⇓
Dee, can we watch something else?
#9
⇓
Can we watch, like, a superhero movie or something?
#10
⇓
This is such a waste of our...
#11
⇓
Oh, that's a nice opening shot. Symmetrical vista.
#12
⇓
It's beautiful.
#13
⇓
Directed by Pedro Vyes. Who's he?
#14
⇓
He's, like, this foreign art house director.
#15
⇓
- Oh. Ooh... - Foreign director. Very impressive.
#16
⇓
Okay, you guys, be quiet. This is my scene.
#17
⇓
Pretty early for a whiskey.
#18
⇓
Or pretty late.
#19
⇓
Why don't you make it a double.
#20
⇓
Oh, yeah? A little hair of the dog that bit you?
#21
⇓
Yeah, Dee,
#22
⇓
I got to hand it to you. Y... You've been talking
#23
⇓
about doing this for years, and... Is that Richard Grieco?
#24
⇓
Hi.
#25
⇓
Aw, Grieco. I love that guy. Where's he been?
#26
⇓
Richard Grieco is in an art house movie?
#27
⇓
That seems odd.
#28
⇓
That's a little strange. Yeah, it's a little stra...
#29
⇓
But, you know, they... They always got to get some kind of a name
#30
⇓
in order to finance the mo...
#31
⇓
- Oh, now he's being blown. - Right.
#32
⇓
Okay. Now... Now this makes sense.
#33
⇓
- So, Dee, you clearly made a porn. - This is a porno!
#34
⇓
What? No? It's not a porn. You guys,
#35
⇓
the... The foreigners, they have a much more evolved view of sex.
#36
⇓
This is... This is art.
#37
⇓
Dee, what channel did you order this from?
#38
⇓
Cinemax.
#39
⇓
Cinemax?
#40
⇓
Cinemax doesn't make art.
#41
⇓
You guys, Pedro is... Is an edgy, foreign director.
#42
⇓
Where's he from?
#43
⇓
- Puerto Rico. - Oh!
#44
⇓
- Puerto Rico? - Puerto Rico? Puerto Rico!
#45
⇓
Oh, man...
#46
⇓
Dee, you made a Skinemax flick with a Puerto Rican pervert.
#47
⇓
Congratulations. Good thing you got us all together.
#48
⇓
Listen, hey, I did not make a smut film.
#49
⇓
Gobble that cock.
#50
⇓
Now, why is Grieco resorting to Skinemax?
#51
⇓
He's got a great career. He's doing fine.
#52
⇓
Actually, it makes sense. I mean,
#53
⇓
erotic films are very, very in right now.
#54
⇓
I mean, Grieco probably didn't realize he was doing a porn.
#55
⇓
I think he thought he was doing the next
#56
⇓
Fifty Shades of Grey or whatever.
#57
⇓
I mean, it's a... It's a fine line
#58
⇓
these days between art and smut.
#59
⇓
It really is. Art's a tricky thing.
#60
⇓
The whole art world is bullshit nowadays.
#61
⇓
I mean, like, anything can be considered art. I'll bet you
#62
⇓
Charlie's doodlings could be considered art by some people.
#63
⇓
Well, that's 'cause my drawings are art.
#64
⇓
You're not an artist, dude. You're drawing with chalk.
#65
⇓
No, I'm drawing with marker and, like, pen and stuff.
#66
⇓
I'm just eating the chalk.
#67
⇓
Charlie, don't eat chalk.
#68
⇓
Well, it settles my stomach.
#69
⇓
My stomach's a little...
#70
⇓
If your stomach hurts, eat a Tums.
#71
⇓
- What's the difference? - One is chalk!
#72
⇓
Well, I don't like wasting Tums.
#73
⇓
Tums is very good to draw with.
#74
⇓
This maniac is an artist?
#75
⇓
I'll bet you if I hung one
#76
⇓
of Charlie's doodles in a modern art gallery,
#77
⇓
people would not know the difference.
#78
⇓
Mm. No. No, I disagree.
#79
⇓
No, art has to come from a more meaningful place.
#80
⇓
It can't just be silly nonsense.
#81
⇓
I mean, take my erotic memoirs,
#82
⇓
for example.
#83
⇓
- Now, that was art. - That was smut.
#84
⇓
No, dude, what I do is art. And you know what else?
#85
⇓
I think I should film it. Yeah.
#86
⇓
I mean, guys, I'd be a fool not to ride this erotic tidal wave
#87
⇓
our culture seems to be on, film it,
#88
⇓
do the next Fifty Shades of Grey, my style, you know?
#89
⇓
My film would be real, it would be tasteful,
#90
⇓
it would be... It would be subtle.
#91
⇓
It wouldn't be some goddamn Puerto Rican smut.
#92
⇓
I'm down to try this, like, art gallery idea of yours.
#93
⇓
What do you think Grieco would do?
#94
⇓
He wouldn't eat chalk.
#95
⇓
Yes, but I just don't understand why you're choosing
#96
⇓
to dress like Richard Grieco.
#97
⇓
Well, because he's a cool bro and I'm a cool bro.
#98
⇓
I just want to do a Grieco thing. I'm vibing with it.
#99
⇓
- I'm vibing with it, man. - Stop saying that you're vibing and "bro."
#100
⇓
You know what, why don't you go mingle, and Frank and I
#101
⇓
- will handle this. - Thank you. All right, you do it.
#102
⇓
- All right, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Leave him alone.
#103
⇓
- Look, here's a spot. Here's a spot. - What?
#104
⇓
- Yeah. - Just keep... Keep an eye out.
#105
⇓
Okay.
#106
⇓
- That's good. That's good. - Mmm.
#107
⇓
Oh, yeah. Looks perfect.
#108
⇓
- Oh, wow. I like this one. - Oh.
#109
⇓
- That's art. That's art. - I like that piece. Yes, that's...
#110
⇓
She's going for it.
#111
⇓
She loves it.
#112
⇓
She loves it. She's going for it.
#113
⇓
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
#114
⇓
- What the hell are you doing? - Whoa. Hey, lady. Lady.
#115
⇓
You can't throw art in the trash.
#116
⇓
Oh, that wasn't art. It was garbage.
#117
⇓
Wait, wait, wait a second. Wait a second.
#118
⇓
I mean, how... How is that art
#119
⇓
I mean, how... How is that art
#119
⇓
and this is trash? I mean, who's to say, really?
#120
⇓
Well, I'm to say. It's my gallery.
#121
⇓
Okay. Then please explain to me
#122
⇓
how that is art
#123
⇓
and this is garbage.
#124
⇓
Well, it's all about context.
#125
⇓
The story behind each piece is part of what endows it
#126
⇓
with meaning. For example, this artist
#127
⇓
worked for 30 years
#128
⇓
before finally finding his voice.
#129
⇓
He left his home when he was a boy
#130
⇓
to escape the Nazis, fled to Paris,
#131
⇓
and painted the poor children he saw in the streets.
#132
⇓
The ambiguity he uses to paint children
#133
⇓
and animals.
#134
⇓
His work provokes.
#135
⇓
It raises questions.
#136
⇓
Are we children?
#137
⇓
Are we animals?
#138
⇓
Are children animals?
#139
⇓
If it's context
#140
⇓
you want... Context. Okay.
#141
⇓
Well, the artist that did this, his life is, like, total shit.
#142
⇓
I mean, like, way worse than this Nazi painter.
#143
⇓
Oh. Hey, Charlie?
#144
⇓
Yeah, uh... What... What are you doing, man?
#145
⇓
- What's up, bro? - Hey, uh,
#146
⇓
this is Charlie. He's the, uh... He's the artist.
#147
⇓
C... Could you tell the lady how your... Don't do that.
#148
⇓
Okay, can you just explain to her how your life is garbage
#149
⇓
- so that she... It's not sw... - Oh, my life's pretty sweet, bro.
#150
⇓
Hang out at a bar all day with my bros.
#151
⇓
You know? Go on lots of adventures. I'm really kind of
#152
⇓
a sweet businessman when I think about it.
#153
⇓
He's an illiterate janitor whose mother tried to abort him in...
#154
⇓
- Frank, Frank, tell her, please. - Huh?
#155
⇓
What is it?
#156
⇓
What... What is it?
#157
⇓
It's... It's what we discussed.
#158
⇓
- It's what we've been discussing. - Oh.
#159
⇓
Tell her that Charlie's life is a piece of shit. Please.
#160
⇓
- Thank you. - I've got one of those hella sweet lives.
#161
⇓
Stop saying "hella"! He doesn't...
#162
⇓
He doesn't normally say "hella."
#163
⇓
I don't know where he picked this up.
#164
⇓
- I'm sorry. I'm just not interested. - Okay,
#165
⇓
- well, wait, we just need to take one... - I'm not interested, either.
#166
⇓
I go for more of the Pam Anderson type,
#167
⇓
- you know what I mean? - Oh, my God. Okay, look...
#168
⇓
- I'm not interested. - Damn it. Why did I even bring you two?
#169
⇓
"A man enters.
#170
⇓
The room wouldn't be the only thing he'd enter that day.
#171
⇓
His name was Dennis."
#172
⇓
I'm... I'm sorry... What is happening?
#173
⇓
- "Silence." - Okay.
#174
⇓
"He said. 'A woman's mouth
#175
⇓
is not for the exiting of words
#176
⇓
but for the entrance of a man's... Dick.'
#177
⇓
And then he did put it in there.
#178
⇓
In her mouth, I mean."
#179
⇓
Okay.
#180
⇓
And then they... They have sex all over the library.
#181
⇓
Okay, I, uh,
#182
⇓
I... I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening here.
#183
⇓
You must think I'm somebody else.
#184
⇓
Look, look. Sure, I could leave here right now,
#185
⇓
I could take this to Frank and he would finance it.
#186
⇓
But he's gross, you know?
#187
⇓
He's basically, like, the Cinemax of humans.
#188
⇓
Okay, I think I'm catching up here. So you want to make a film
#189
⇓
based on the pornographic book you're reading from.
#190
⇓
Look... This is my Fifty Shades of Grey, lady.
#191
⇓
All right? Was the guy who wrote that gross?
#192
⇓
It was written by a woman.
#193
⇓
Na... You... No, I know.
#194
⇓
That it was written by a woman.
#195
⇓
Everybody knows that.
#196
⇓
Yeah, but that's why you needed to let me get to the...
#197
⇓
This was also written by a woman. Yeah.
#198
⇓
Writ... Written and to be directed by...
#199
⇓
My sister.
#200
⇓
What do you think?
#201
⇓
Hey, Dee.
#202
⇓
Dee, you're not doing anything that matters, right?
#203
⇓
You know, I think I'm finally figuring out
#204
⇓
this editing software, and I have to say I put together
#205
⇓
a pretty prime-time acting reel here.
#206
⇓
I doubt it. Don't show it to me. I don't...
#207
⇓
Pretty early for a whiskey.
#208
⇓
A little hair of the dog that bit you?
#209
⇓
Using a multi-tiered distribu...
#210
⇓
Multi-level marketi...
#211
⇓
The Invigaron system.
#212
⇓
Brains.
#213
⇓
It i...
#214
⇓
It's missing something, isn't it?
#215
⇓
Nah, it's great.
#216
⇓
Uh, Dee, you know what I think
#217
⇓
the real problem, though,
#218
⇓
- with the acting business is? - Uh-huh?
#219
⇓
Every actor these days is a multi-hyphenate.
#220
⇓
They're doing everything... They're writing,
#221
⇓
they're directing, you know.
#222
⇓
- Mm. - So here's a thought I just had.
#223
⇓
How would you like to, um,
#224
⇓
direct my erotic memoirs?
#225
⇓
I've always wanted to direct.
#226
⇓
And you want me to do it?
#227
⇓
- Yeah, yeah. - Smart.
#228
⇓
Smart. You bring a female perspective in.
#229
⇓
- Mm-hmm. - It's a very interesting layer.
#230
⇓
- Yeah, it's... It's a good layer. - That's really smart of you.
#231
⇓
Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that for you.
#232
⇓
Okay, so, um... Great.
#233
⇓
- So you'll do that, and, um... - Yeah, yeah.
#234
⇓
Now we just need a star that we can attach on... On short notice.
#235
⇓
Don't worry, I got... I got an idea. I got a lot of ideas.
#236
⇓
All right, what about this one? You know,
#237
⇓
I had a dream about, um, you know, boiled eggs.
#238
⇓
So, I, uh...
#239
⇓
Okay. What do the... What do the eggs represent?
#240
⇓
Eggs, you know? Like, uh... From a chicken.
#241
⇓
Just eggs? No. Charlie, you're not getting it.
#242
⇓
I need you to draw something that's profound, you know?
#243
⇓
That comes from someplace deep.
#244
⇓
But is also childlike and stupid, to prove my point.
#245
⇓
Hey, bro, uh, maybe stop telling me what to do all the time,
#246
⇓
you know? 'Cause if you tell me what to do, then, like,
#247
⇓
you know, that's, like, I got, like, a lame,
#248
⇓
kind of square dude telling me
#249
⇓
what to do, you know? And that's
#250
⇓
- not really where art comes from. - Okay, you...
#251
⇓
And so I'm gonna draw eggs that represent eggs, bro.
#252
⇓
And it's gonna... It's gonna be hella cool, man.
#253
⇓
You're gonna like these eggs.
#254
⇓
Can I ask you a question? Do you... Do you
#255
⇓
want to sell this art or not?
#256
⇓
Bro, is this about making money for you
#257
⇓
or is it about proving your point?
#258
⇓
Like, I don't even know what it is, man.
#259
⇓
It's becoming about both for me. I don't know
#260
⇓
what it's becoming for you.
#261
⇓
Come on, man.
#262
⇓
I'm ripping this up.
#263
⇓
I'm ripping this up. That's it.
#264
⇓
Bro, stop ripping up my art, man!
#265
⇓
- Get in there! - Okay.
#266
⇓
You stink! Ugh.
#267
⇓
I found him turning tricks in the scrap metal yard.
#268
⇓
Good news, Charlie. We're gonna use Cricket now.
#269
⇓
Oh. Use me how? Use what part of me?
#270
⇓
Relax. You are gonna be the face of Charlie's art.
#271
⇓
What? Why, man?
#272
⇓
Because he's got, like, the worst life imaginable,
#273
⇓
and that's clearly what those people want.
#274
⇓
That's true, I do have the worst life.
#275
⇓
You know what, Cricks, why don't you come over here,
#276
⇓
- why don't you tell Charlie what to draw. - Okay.
#277
⇓
Tell me wh... I don't want to draw his drawings.
#278
⇓
No, Charlie, this is gonna work, all right?
#279
⇓
Just jump on board, jump on board. Okay, go ahead.
#280
⇓
All right, bro... Bro.
#281
⇓
Oh, all right, fine.
#282
⇓
Talk to me, brother.
#283
⇓
What's up?
#284
⇓
What is he doing?
#285
⇓
He's doing, like, a Grieco thing.
#286
⇓
Okay. Uh, all right.
#287
⇓
Well, what do you want to hear about?
#288
⇓
You want to hear about a... Dog orgy
#289
⇓
or when a cat bit off my toe?
#290
⇓
Dog orgy, brother.
#291
⇓
Dog orgy. Okay.
#292
⇓
This is going great.
#293
⇓
Okay, now, Frank, I need you
#294
⇓
to go talk to that gallery owner. Convince her to come
#295
⇓
to Paddy's for an art opening that we're gonna have here.
#296
⇓
- Oh. - You know? Flash a little cash.
#297
⇓
Pretend you're, like, a high-society art type.
#298
⇓
Oh, I got this. I... I used to hang with an art crowd in the '70s.
#299
⇓
I know these people.
#300
⇓
O... Okay. All right. But... But... Play it subtle, all right?
#301
⇓
Subtle. Yeah.
#302
⇓
Frank. Play it subtle.
#303
⇓
Subtle.
#304
⇓
- Hello! - Hello?
#305
⇓
Ango Gablogian, the art collector.
#306
⇓
Charmed, I'm sure.
#307
⇓
- Yes. - I'm gonna invite you to a show.
#308
⇓
- Okay. - But first...
#309
⇓
- Allow me to destroy your gallery. - Oh.
#310
⇓
Bullshit.
#311
⇓
Bullshit.
#312
⇓
Derivative.
#313
⇓
That... I love.
#314
⇓
I absolutely love.
#315
⇓
Um, that's just the air conditioner.
#316
⇓
I want it.
#317
⇓
It's everything.
#318
⇓
I mean, look at us.
#319
⇓
We're just air conditioners. I mean, after all,
#320
⇓
we're just walking around on the planet, breathing,
#321
⇓
- conditioning the air. - Right.
#322
⇓
I condition it hot,
#323
⇓
that conditions it cold.
#324
⇓
I mean, it's symbiotic, no?
#325
⇓
- No, it is. - I mean, we're just the air conditioners
#326
⇓
walking around on this planet,
#327
⇓
screwing each other's brains out.
#328
⇓
So true. I never thought of it like that.
#329
⇓
Oh... Hello, you.
#330
⇓
This room won't be the only thing
#331
⇓
that I'll be entering today.
#332
⇓
- Hey, teach. - Cut!
#333
⇓
A woman's mouth is not for exiting of words,
#334
⇓
but for the entrance of a man's penis.
#335
⇓
Cut!
#336
⇓
Grieco, Grieco, Grieco, come on, man.
#337
⇓
Shoot her tits. I need some... I need a couple... Just...
#338
⇓
Get mostly tits on this one. Lots of emotion.
#339
⇓
And I want to feel a little bit of, uh,
#340
⇓
of sadness coming from your tits. And, action.
#341
⇓
- A woman's mouth... - Cut!
#342
⇓
"Not for the exiting of words, it's for the entrance..."
#343
⇓
- Dee, can you just let him... - Is there really...
#344
⇓
Is there really a frigging difference between "exiting"
#345
⇓
- and "entering"? - Hey! Excuse me, every... You know what?
#346
⇓
Is there a difference between "exiting" and "entering"?
#347
⇓
I know there is, but is there... But words exit.
#348
⇓
Okay, okay, you know what? I... I need a seaweed break.
#349
⇓
Grieco, you've had 15 packages of seaweed today.
#350
⇓
Guys, Richard needs a seaweed five.
#351
⇓
Another... Oh, goddamn it!
#352
⇓
Can we just get the scene, please?
#353
⇓
Just like it was in high school?
#354
⇓
You know, about that.
#355
⇓
What exactly happened in high school?
#356
⇓
'Cause it sounds like you had sex with a teacher.
#357
⇓
Uh, well, no, she wasn't a teacher.
#358
⇓
She was a hot young librarian.
#359
⇓
- Are you talking about Ms. Klinsky? - Yeah.
#360
⇓
- She was like 50. - Yeah, she looked good for her age.
#361
⇓
She looked like Rick Moranis.
#362
⇓
Moranis was always in pretty good shape, yeah.
#363
⇓
Plus, when she took her hair out of the bun,
#364
⇓
she went from Moranis to Alanis.
#365
⇓
Gross. You were 14.
#366
⇓
So, technically, you were raped.
#367
⇓
- It wasn't rape. Can't rape a guy. - Huh?
#368
⇓
You can't rape... I was... I was willing.
#369
⇓
You know, you can't rape... I mean, it's cool.
#370
⇓
Like, I bedded an older woman. That's cool.
#371
⇓
- Right, Grieco? - You know what?
#372
⇓
- Let me use your pain in the scene. - What are you talking about?
#373
⇓
You can't use somebody else's pain, Grieco.
#374
⇓
Do you know how acting works?
#375
⇓
Look...
#376
⇓
Touch my finger...
#377
⇓
- And transfer your pain into me. - Mm-hmm, it's a good idea.
#378
⇓
- Touch... Touch my finger. - I'm not touching your finger, man.
#379
⇓
- I'm not touching your finger! - Dennis.
#380
⇓
- Seriously, touch my finger. - What the hell is... You know what?
#381
⇓
Why don't you just shoot me doing the goddamn scene?
#382
⇓
I'll seduce the librarian.
#383
⇓
You know what? That seaweed's making me a little sick.
#384
⇓
Uh, can I get a chalk break
#385
⇓
- or something like that? - Uh-oh.
#386
⇓
I call this one "Dog Three-Way."
#387
⇓
'Cause I was recently in a dog three-way.
#388
⇓
Actually, four with me, so, four-way.
#389
⇓
I was in a dog orgy.
#390
⇓
God, he's making a mockery of my art, bro.
#391
⇓
- Oh. - Well,
#392
⇓
the shoot was a total disaster.
#393
⇓
Dee's incompetent and a bitch, which we all knew.
#394
⇓
But, I mean, Richard Grieco.
#395
⇓
The man is obsessed with seaweed. It's...
#396
⇓
Pump your brakes. You met Grieco?
#397
⇓
Yeah, I met Grieco. Yeah, he... He was in my movie,
#398
⇓
but, uh, it didn't go very well.
#399
⇓
What... What are you doing? Are you doing a Grieco thing?
#400
⇓
Yeah, I'm doing a Grieco thing, 'cause... 'Cause Grieco's the man.
#401
⇓
- You know, is he the man? - No, not really.
#402
⇓
- Ah, he's not the man? - No, he's, he's... Yeah, no.
#403
⇓
Hello, boys.
#404
⇓
Is that how you played it? That is way over the top.
#405
⇓
What are you talking about? This is it. This is the way they are.
#406
⇓
- Frank, did you buy an air conditioner? - Yes, and I bought a painting for $35K.
#407
⇓
Why?
#408
⇓
Because I liked it, and that's what it cost.
#409
⇓
Is nobody understanding what we're trying to do?
#410
⇓
I am trying to prove that this is all bullshit,
#411
⇓
and you guys are all buying into it.
#412
⇓
- Oh. Oh, ho, ho, ho. - Oh, hi.
#413
⇓
- Hi. - Here's the darling.
#414
⇓
- Oh. - That sold me...
#415
⇓
Not a painting.
#416
⇓
- Mm. - A revelation.
#417
⇓
- Oh. Hi, Ango. - Oh, oh.
#418
⇓
- Mm. - Oh. Oh, great.
#419
⇓
Oh, thank you. Thank you, Ango.
#420
⇓
- Yes. - Thank you very much.
#421
⇓
- And thank you for coming. - Oh. Oh, my pleasure.
#422
⇓
Yes, we have... We have many paintings by
#423
⇓
- our featured artist, Rickety Cricket. - Ah...
#424
⇓
Okay, well, Ango clearly has a great eye.
#425
⇓
I do have a great eye.
#426
⇓
So I'm excited to see what you have.
#427
⇓
Yes, yes. Well, here we have a Cricket.
#428
⇓
Oh.
#429
⇓
Yes, yes, and, uh, here we have another Cricket.
#430
⇓
- Uh-huh. - And, uh...
#431
⇓
Oh, here we have the artist himself.
#432
⇓
- This is Rickety Cricket. - Hey-o.
#433
⇓
Wow.
#434
⇓
Yeah, he literally has the worst life imaginable.
#435
⇓
He ain't lying.
#436
⇓
So now you got some perspective
#437
⇓
- and some context. - Uh-huh.
#438
⇓
And like a story or whatever it is that you people need,
#439
⇓
- so... - Uh-huh.
#440
⇓
We don't have to talk numbers right now,
#441
⇓
- but I feel like it should be... - Hey, guys.
#442
⇓
I figured this art opening would be the perfect place
#443
⇓
to premiere my directorial debut.
#444
⇓
No, Dee, absolutely not.
#445
⇓
- That's a hard "no." - Yeah.
#446
⇓
Oh, come on. There were...
#447
⇓
No, Dee. This is ridiculous.
#448
⇓
Hey, hoser, remember when I raped you in the library?
#449
⇓
Hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser...
#450
⇓
Okay, thank you. Thank you very much. I'm sorry. That was, uh...
#451
⇓
That's not part of the, uh, whole thing.
#452
⇓
It's very disturbing. It's very avant-garde.
#453
⇓
- Mm-hmm. - What do you think it's all worth?
#454
⇓
Good question. Ango, what do you think?
#455
⇓
Millions.
#456
⇓
I'd trade my limbs for it.
#457
⇓
Well, the market is dictated by what people will pay, so...
#458
⇓
Well, right, but how much are you willing to pay for it?
#459
⇓
- Me? - Yeah.
#460
⇓
Oh, no, no.
#461
⇓
I'm really not interested in buying anything.
#462
⇓
But you own an art gallery.
#463
⇓
Oh, no. Oh.
#464
⇓
I rent an art gallery,
#465
⇓
or more accurately, my parents rent one for me.
#466
⇓
What?
#467
⇓
So that painting I bought from you was worthless?
#468
⇓
Of course not.
#469
⇓
It meant something to you.
#470
⇓
It's worth exactly what you paid.
#471
⇓
- I want to sell it back. - Okay.
#472
⇓
In that exchange, it would only be worth
#473
⇓
what I would pay for it, which is, again, um, nothing.
#474
⇓
I... I don't get it.
#475
⇓
When is stuff art?
#476
⇓
Uh, hey, guys, guys, um, if I may,
#477
⇓
I think I can sum this all up.
#478
⇓
You see, art
#479
⇓
is an ambiguous thing, yeah?
#480
⇓
Yeah, just because you make some art, it doesn't mean
#481
⇓
that you're an artist.
#482
⇓
But, also, it does mean you're an artist.
#483
⇓
But does it mean that that art
#484
⇓
is good art?
#485
⇓
Is art good just because the right people say it's good?
#486
⇓
Yes. Yes.
#487
⇓
That's... That's how it works.
#488
⇓
Yeah, but keep in mind, you know,
#489
⇓
a lot of modern art is... Is trash.
#490
⇓
I mean, it's shitty. It's not...
#491
⇓
You know, it's not good. It's terrible.
#492
⇓
You know? And yet, it's a fine line
#493
⇓
between Van Gogh and Van Damme,
#494
⇓
you know, between Depp and Grieco,
#495
⇓
between Banksy and Charlie,
#496
⇓
that makes it very difficult to determine what's good art.
#497
⇓
You know, what's high art?
#498
⇓
What has worth? What has meaning?
#499
⇓
Yeah?
#500
⇓
But if one thing
#501
⇓
has become abundantly clear to me today...
#502
⇓
And it should be to all of you, as well...
#503
⇓
Is that I wasn't raped.
#504
⇓
We had a good time, she and I.
#505
⇓
Yeah. It was a... It was a two-way road.
#506
⇓
The whole thing was... Mutual.
#507
⇓
And the woman in no way looked like Rick Moranis.
#508
⇓
You know?
#509
⇓
She totally did. I remember her. Remember her?
#510
⇓
Yeah.
#511
⇓
- Um... - Real dog. I wouldn't even sleep with her.
#512
⇓
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