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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S11E04 — Dee Made a Smut Film

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 11, Episode 4 — Dee Made a Smut Film

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Dee Made a Smut Film

Air date: January 27, 2016

Director: Todd Biermann

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Dennis and Dee film an adaptation of Dennis' erotic memoirs while Frank and Mac try to pass off Charlie as a gifted artist for financial gain.

Source: TMDB

↓

- Hey, guys. Here we go. - I'm ordering it.

ordering

↓

Drop the bluff, Dee.

bluff drop

↓

No one believes you're in an actual movie.

actual believes movie

↓

You guys are gonna feel hella stupid when you see me

hella hella-stupid stupid

↓

- acting in a feature film. - "Hella." Are we saying "hella" now?

acting feature film hella

↓

- 'Cause I like it. - No, we're not saying "hella," okay?

hella

↓

- No. - Nobody's saying "hella" anymore.

anymore hella nobodys

↓

I never really got to say it. "Hella" came and went.

hella

↓

Dee, can we watch something else?

watch

↓

Can we watch, like, a superhero movie or something?

movie superhero watch

↓

This is such a waste of our...

waste

↓

Oh, that's a nice opening shot. Symmetrical vista.

opening shot

↓

It's beautiful.

↓

Directed by Pedro Vyes. Who's he?

directed pedro

↓

He's, like, this foreign art house director.

director foreign house

↓

- Oh. Ooh... - Foreign director. Very impressive.

director foreign impressive

↓

Okay, you guys, be quiet. This is my scene.

quiet scene

↓

Pretty early for a whiskey.

early whiskey

↓

Or pretty late.

late

↓

Why don't you make it a double.

double

↓

Oh, yeah? A little hair of the dog that bit you?

hair

↓

Yeah, Dee,

↓

I got to hand it to you. Y... You've been talking

hand

↓

about doing this for years, and... Is that Richard Grieco?

grieco richard richard-grieco years

↓

Hi.

↓

Aw, Grieco. I love that guy. Where's he been?

grieco love

↓

Richard Grieco is in an art house movie?

grieco house movie richard richard-grieco

↓

That seems odd.

seems

↓

That's a little strange. Yeah, it's a little stra...

strange

↓

But, you know, they... They always got to get some kind of a name

name

↓

in order to finance the mo...

finance order

↓

- Oh, now he's being blown. - Right.

blown

↓

Okay. Now... Now this makes sense.

makes makes-sense sense

↓

- So, Dee, you clearly made a porn. - This is a porno!

porn porno

↓

What? No? It's not a porn. You guys,

porn

↓

the... The foreigners, they have a much more evolved view of sex.

evolved foreigners view

↓

This is... This is art.

↓

Dee, what channel did you order this from?

channel order

↓

Cinemax.

cinemax

↓

Cinemax?

cinemax

↓

Cinemax doesn't make art.

cinemax

↓

You guys, Pedro is... Is an edgy, foreign director.

director edgy foreign pedro

↓

Where's he from?

↓

- Puerto Rico. - Oh!

puerto puerto-rico rico

↓

- Puerto Rico? - Puerto Rico? Puerto Rico!

puerto puerto-rico rico

↓

Oh, man...

↓

Dee, you made a Skinemax flick with a Puerto Rican pervert.

flick pervert puerto puerto-rican rican

↓

Congratulations. Good thing you got us all together.

congratulations

↓

Listen, hey, I did not make a smut film.

film smut

↓

Gobble that cock.

cock gobble

↓

Now, why is Grieco resorting to Skinemax?

grieco

↓

He's got a great career. He's doing fine.

career

↓

I mean, Grieco probably didn't realize he was doing a porn.

grieco porn realize

↓

I think he thought he was doing the next

↓

Fifty Shades of Grey or whatever.

fifty grey shades

↓

I mean, it's a... It's a fine line

line

↓

these days between art and smut.

days smut

↓

It really is. Art's a tricky thing.

arts tricky

↓

The whole art world is bullshit nowadays.

bullshit nowadays whole world

↓

I mean, like, anything can be considered art. I'll bet you

considered

↓

You're not an artist, dude. You're drawing with chalk.

artist chalk drawing

↓

No, I'm drawing with marker and, like, pen and stuff.

drawing marker stuff

↓

I'm just eating the chalk.

chalk eating

↓

Charlie, don't eat chalk.

chalk charlie

↓

Well, it settles my stomach.

settles stomach

↓

My stomach's a little...

stomachs

↓

If your stomach hurts, eat a Tums.

hurts stomach stomach-hurts

↓

- What's the difference? - One is chalk!

chalk difference

↓

Well, I don't like wasting Tums.

wasting

↓

Tums is very good to draw with.

draw

↓

This maniac is an artist?

artist maniac

↓

I'll bet you if I hung one

hung

↓

of Charlie's doodles in a modern art gallery,

charlies doodles gallery modern

↓

people would not know the difference.

difference

↓

Mm. No. No, I disagree.

disagree

↓

No, art has to come from a more meaningful place.

meaningful place

↓

It can't just be silly nonsense.

nonsense silly

↓

I mean, take my erotic memoirs,

erotic memoirs

↓

for example.

example

↓

- Now, that was art. - That was smut.

smut

↓

No, dude, what I do is art. And you know what else?

↓

I think I should film it. Yeah.

film

↓

I mean, guys, I'd be a fool not to ride this erotic tidal wave

erotic fool ride wave

↓

our culture seems to be on, film it,

culture film seems

↓

do the next Fifty Shades of Grey, my style, you know?

fifty grey shades style

↓

My film would be real, it would be tasteful,

film real tasteful

↓

it would be... It would be subtle.

subtle

↓

It wouldn't be some goddamn Puerto Rican smut.

goddamn puerto puerto-rican rican smut

↓

I'm down to try this, like, art gallery idea of yours.

gallery idea

↓

What do you think Grieco would do?

grieco

↓

He wouldn't eat chalk.

chalk

↓

Yes, but I just don't understand why you're choosing

choosing

↓

to dress like Richard Grieco.

dress grieco richard richard-grieco

↓

Well, because he's a cool bro and I'm a cool bro.

cool

↓

I just want to do a Grieco thing. I'm vibing with it.

grieco vibing

↓

- I'm vibing with it, man. - Stop saying that you're vibing and "bro."

vibing

↓

You know what, why don't you go mingle, and Frank and I

frank mingle

↓

- will handle this. - Thank you. All right, you do it.

handle

↓

- All right, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Leave him alone.

alone frank

↓

- Look, here's a spot. Here's a spot. - What?

spot

↓

- Yeah. - Just keep... Keep an eye out.

↓

Okay.

↓

- That's good. That's good. - Mmm.

↓

Oh, yeah. Looks perfect.

perfect

↓

- Oh, wow. I like this one. - Oh.

↓

- That's art. That's art. - I like that piece. Yes, that's...

piece

↓

She's going for it.

↓

She loves it.

loves

↓

She loves it. She's going for it.

loves

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

- What the hell are you doing? - Whoa. Hey, lady. Lady.

lady whoa

↓

You can't throw art in the trash.

throw trash

↓

Oh, that wasn't art. It was garbage.

garbage

↓

Wait, wait, wait a second. Wait a second.

second

↓

I mean, how... How is that art

↓

and this is trash? I mean, who's to say, really?

trash

↓

Well, I'm to say. It's my gallery.

gallery

↓

Okay. Then please explain to me

explain

↓

how that is art

↓

and this is garbage.

garbage

↓

Well, it's all about context.

context

↓

The story behind each piece is part of what endows it

behind part piece story

↓

with meaning. For example, this artist

artist example meaning

↓

worked for 30 years

worked years

↓

before finally finding his voice.

finally finding voice

↓

He left his home when he was a boy

home left

↓

to escape the Nazis, fled to Paris,

escape fled nazis paris

↓

and painted the poor children he saw in the streets.

children painted poor streets

↓

The ambiguity he uses to paint children

children paint uses

↓

and animals.

animals

↓

His work provokes.

↓

It raises questions.

questions raises

↓

Are we children?

children

↓

Are we animals?

animals

↓

Are children animals?

animals children

↓

If it's context

context

↓

you want... Context. Okay.

context

↓

Well, the artist that did this, his life is, like, total shit.

artist life total

↓

I mean, like, way worse than this Nazi painter.

nazi worse

↓

Oh. Hey, Charlie?

charlie

↓

Yeah, uh... What... What are you doing, man?

↓

- What's up, bro? - Hey, uh,

↓

this is Charlie. He's the, uh... He's the artist.

artist charlie

↓

C... Could you tell the lady how your... Don't do that.

lady

↓

Okay, can you just explain to her how your life is garbage

explain garbage life

↓

- so that she... It's not sw... - Oh, my life's pretty sweet, bro.

lifes sweet

↓

Hang out at a bar all day with my bros.

bros hang

↓

You know? Go on lots of adventures. I'm really kind of

adventures lots

↓

a sweet businessman when I think about it.

businessman sweet

↓

He's an illiterate janitor whose mother tried to abort him in...

abort janitor mother tried

↓

- Frank, Frank, tell her, please. - Huh?

frank frank-frank

↓

What is it?

↓

What... What is it?

↓

It's... It's what we discussed.

discussed

↓

- It's what we've been discussing. - Oh.

discussing

↓

Tell her that Charlie's life is a piece of shit. Please.

charlies life piece

↓

- Thank you. - I've got one of those hella sweet lives.

hella lives sweet

↓

Stop saying "hella"! He doesn't...

hella

↓

He doesn't normally say "hella."

hella normally

↓

I don't know where he picked this up.

picked

↓

- I'm sorry. I'm just not interested. - Okay,

interested

↓

- well, wait, we just need to take one... - I'm not interested, either.

interested

↓

I go for more of the Pam Anderson type,

anderson type

↓

- you know what I mean? - Oh, my God. Okay, look...

↓

- I'm not interested. - Damn it. Why did I even bring you two?

bring interested

↓

"A man enters.

enters

↓

The room wouldn't be the only thing he'd enter that day.

enter room

↓

His name was Dennis."

dennis name

↓

I'm... I'm sorry... What is happening?

↓

- "Silence." - Okay.

silence

↓

"He said. 'A woman's mouth

mouth womans

↓

is not for the exiting of words

words

↓

but for the entrance of a man's... Dick.'

dick entrance mans

↓

And then he did put it in there.

↓

In her mouth, I mean."

mouth

↓

Okay.

↓

And then they... They have sex all over the library.

library

↓

Okay, I, uh,

↓

I... I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening here.

↓

You must think I'm somebody else.

must somebody

↓

Look, look. Sure, I could leave here right now,

↓

I could take this to Frank and he would finance it.

finance frank

↓

But he's gross, you know?

gross

↓

He's basically, like, the Cinemax of humans.

cinemax humans

↓

Okay, I think I'm catching up here. So you want to make a film

catching film

↓

based on the pornographic book you're reading from.

based book pornographic reading

↓

Look... This is my Fifty Shades of Grey, lady.

fifty grey lady shades

↓

All right? Was the guy who wrote that gross?

gross wrote

↓

It was written by a woman.

woman written

↓

Na... You... No, I know.

↓

That it was written by a woman.

woman written

↓

Everybody knows that.

everybody everybody-knows knows

↓

Yeah, but that's why you needed to let me get to the...

needed

↓

This was also written by a woman. Yeah.

woman written

↓

Writ... Written and to be directed by...

directed written

↓

My sister.

sister

↓

What do you think?

↓

Hey, Dee.

↓

Dee, you're not doing anything that matters, right?

matters

↓

You know, I think I'm finally figuring out

figuring finally

↓

this editing software, and I have to say I put together

software

↓

a pretty prime-time acting reel here.

acting prime reel

↓

I doubt it. Don't show it to me. I don't...

doubt

↓

Pretty early for a whiskey.

early whiskey

↓

A little hair of the dog that bit you?

hair

↓

Using a multi-tiered distribu...

multi using

↓

Multi-level marketi...

level multi

↓

The Invigaron system.

invigaron invigaron-system system

↓

Brains.

brains

↓

It i...

↓

It's missing something, isn't it?

missing

↓

Nah, it's great.

↓

Uh, Dee, you know what I think

↓

the real problem, though,

problem real real-problem

↓

- with the acting business is? - Uh-huh?

acting business

↓

Every actor these days is a multi-hyphenate.

actor days multi

↓

They're doing everything... They're writing,

writing

↓

they're directing, you know.

directing

↓

- Mm. - So here's a thought I just had.

↓

How would you like to, um,

↓

direct my erotic memoirs?

direct erotic memoirs

↓

I've always wanted to direct.

direct wanted

↓

And you want me to do it?

↓

- Yeah, yeah. - Smart.

smart

↓

Smart. You bring a female perspective in.

bring female perspective smart

↓

- Mm-hmm. - It's a very interesting layer.

interesting layer

↓

- Yeah, it's... It's a good layer. - That's really smart of you.

layer smart

↓

Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that for you.

↓

Okay, so, um... Great.

↓

- So you'll do that, and, um... - Yeah, yeah.

↓

Now we just need a star that we can attach on... On short notice.

attach notice short short-notice star

↓

Don't worry, I got... I got an idea. I got a lot of ideas.

idea ideas worry

↓

All right, what about this one? You know,

↓

I had a dream about, um, you know, boiled eggs.

boiled dream eggs

↓

So, I, uh...

↓

Okay. What do the... What do the eggs represent?

eggs represent

↓

Eggs, you know? Like, uh... From a chicken.

chicken eggs

↓

Just eggs? No. Charlie, you're not getting it.

charlie eggs

↓

I need you to draw something that's profound, you know?

draw profound

↓

That comes from someplace deep.

comes deep someplace

↓

But is also childlike and stupid, to prove my point.

point prove stupid

↓

Hey, bro, uh, maybe stop telling me what to do all the time,

telling

↓

you know? 'Cause if you tell me what to do, then, like,

↓

you know, that's, like, I got, like, a lame,

lame

↓

kind of square dude telling me

square telling

↓

what to do, you know? And that's

↓

- not really where art comes from. - Okay, you...

comes

↓

And so I'm gonna draw eggs that represent eggs, bro.

draw eggs represent

↓

And it's gonna... It's gonna be hella cool, man.

cool hella

↓

You're gonna like these eggs.

eggs

↓

Can I ask you a question? Do you... Do you

question

↓

want to sell this art or not?

sell

↓

Bro, is this about making money for you

money

↓

or is it about proving your point?

point proving

↓

Like, I don't even know what it is, man.

↓

It's becoming about both for me. I don't know

becoming

↓

what it's becoming for you.

becoming

↓

Come on, man.

↓

I'm ripping this up.

ripping

↓

I'm ripping this up. That's it.

ripping

↓

Bro, stop ripping up my art, man!

ripping

↓

- Get in there! - Okay.

↓

You stink! Ugh.

stink

↓

I found him turning tricks in the scrap metal yard.

found metal scrap tricks turning yard

↓

Good news, Charlie. We're gonna use Cricket now.

charlie cricket news

↓

Oh. Use me how? Use what part of me?

part

↓

Relax. You are gonna be the face of Charlie's art.

charlies face relax

↓

What? Why, man?

↓

Because he's got, like, the worst life imaginable,

imaginable life worst

↓

and that's clearly what those people want.

↓

That's true, I do have the worst life.

life worst

↓

You know what, Cricks, why don't you come over here,

cricks

↓

- why don't you tell Charlie what to draw. - Okay.

charlie draw

↓

Tell me wh... I don't want to draw his drawings.

draw drawings

↓

No, Charlie, this is gonna work, all right?

charlie

↓

Just jump on board, jump on board. Okay, go ahead.

ahead board go-ahead jump

↓

All right, bro... Bro.

↓

Oh, all right, fine.

↓

Talk to me, brother.

brother

↓

What's up?

↓

What is he doing?

↓

He's doing, like, a Grieco thing.

grieco

↓

Okay. Uh, all right.

↓

Well, what do you want to hear about?

↓

You want to hear about a... Dog orgy

orgy

↓

or when a cat bit off my toe?

↓

Dog orgy, brother.

brother orgy

↓

Dog orgy. Okay.

orgy

↓

This is going great.

↓

Okay, now, Frank, I need you

frank

↓

to go talk to that gallery owner. Convince her to come

convince gallery owner

↓

to Paddy's for an art opening that we're gonna have here.

opening paddys

↓

- Oh. - You know? Flash a little cash.

cash flash

↓

Pretend you're, like, a high-society art type.

pretend society type

↓

Oh, I got this. I... I used to hang with an art crowd in the '70s.

crowd hang used

↓

I know these people.

↓

O... Okay. All right. But... But... Play it subtle, all right?

subtle

↓

Subtle. Yeah.

subtle

↓

Frank. Play it subtle.

frank subtle

↓

Subtle.

subtle

↓

- Hello! - Hello?

↓

Ango Gablogian, the art collector.

ango

↓

Charmed, I'm sure.

charmed

↓

- Yes. - I'm gonna invite you to a show.

invite

↓

- Okay. - But first...

↓

- Allow me to destroy your gallery. - Oh.

allow destroy gallery

↓

Bullshit.

bullshit

↓

Bullshit.

bullshit

↓

Derivative.

↓

That... I love.

love

↓

I absolutely love.

absolutely love

↓

Um, that's just the air conditioner.

conditioner

↓

I want it.

↓

It's everything.

↓

I mean, look at us.

↓

We're just air conditioners. I mean, after all,

conditioners

↓

we're just walking around on the planet, breathing,

breathing planet walking

↓

- conditioning the air. - Right.

conditioning

↓

I condition it hot,

condition

↓

that conditions it cold.

cold conditions

↓

I mean, it's symbiotic, no?

↓

- No, it is. - I mean, we're just the air conditioners

conditioners

↓

walking around on this planet,

planet walking

↓

screwing each other's brains out.

brains others screwing

↓

So true. I never thought of it like that.

↓

Oh... Hello, you.

↓

Okay, okay, you know what? I... I need a seaweed break.

break

↓

Grieco, you've had 15 packages of seaweed today.

grieco packages today

↓

Guys, Richard needs a seaweed five.

five needs richard

↓

Another... Oh, goddamn it!

another goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Can we just get the scene, please?

scene

↓

Just like it was in high school?

school

↓

You know, about that.

↓

What exactly happened in high school?

happened school

↓

'Cause it sounds like you had sex with a teacher.

sounds teacher

↓

Uh, well, no, she wasn't a teacher.

teacher

↓

She was a hot young librarian.

librarian young

↓

- Are you talking about Ms. Klinsky? - Yeah.

↓

- She was like 50. - Yeah, she looked good for her age.

looked

↓

She looked like Rick Moranis.

looked moranis rick

↓

Moranis was always in pretty good shape, yeah.

moranis shape

↓

Plus, when she took her hair out of the bun,

hair plus

↓

she went from Moranis to Alanis.

alanis moranis

↓

Gross. You were 14.

gross

↓

So, technically, you were raped.

raped technically

↓

- It wasn't rape. Can't rape a guy. - Huh?

rape

↓

You can't rape... I was... I was willing.

rape willing

↓

You know, you can't rape... I mean, it's cool.

cool rape

↓

Like, I bedded an older woman. That's cool.

cool older older-woman woman

↓

- Right, Grieco? - You know what?

grieco

↓

- Let me use your pain in the scene. - What are you talking about?

pain scene

↓

You can't use somebody else's pain, Grieco.

elses grieco pain somebody somebody-elses

↓

Do you know how acting works?

acting works

↓

Look...

↓

Touch my finger...

finger touch

↓

- And transfer your pain into me. - Mm-hmm, it's a good idea.

idea pain transfer

↓

- Touch... Touch my finger. - I'm not touching your finger, man.

finger touch touching

↓

- I'm not touching your finger! - Dennis.

dennis finger touching

↓

- Seriously, touch my finger. - What the hell is... You know what?

finger touch

↓

Why don't you just shoot me doing the goddamn scene?

goddamn scene shoot

↓

I'll seduce the librarian.

librarian seduce

↓

You know what? That seaweed's making me a little sick.

sick

↓

Uh, can I get a chalk break

break chalk

↓

- or something like that? - Uh-oh.

↓

I call this one "Dog Three-Way."

three

↓

Actually, four with me, so, four-way.

four

↓

I was in a dog orgy.

orgy

↓

God, he's making a mockery of my art, bro.

mockery

↓

- Oh. - Well,

↓

the shoot was a total disaster.

disaster shoot total

↓

Dee's incompetent and a bitch, which we all knew.

bitch dees incompetent

↓

But, I mean, Richard Grieco.

grieco richard richard-grieco

↓

The man is obsessed with seaweed. It's...

obsessed

↓

Pump your brakes. You met Grieco?

brakes grieco pump

↓

Yeah, I met Grieco. Yeah, he... He was in my movie,

grieco movie

↓

but, uh, it didn't go very well.

↓

What... What are you doing? Are you doing a Grieco thing?

grieco

↓

Yeah, I'm doing a Grieco thing, 'cause... 'Cause Grieco's the man.

grieco

↓

- You know, is he the man? - No, not really.

↓

- Ah, he's not the man? - No, he's, he's... Yeah, no.

↓

Hello, boys.

boys

↓

Is that how you played it? That is way over the top.

played

↓

What are you talking about? This is it. This is the way they are.

↓

- Frank, did you buy an air conditioner? - Yes, and I bought a painting for $35K.

bought conditioner frank painting

↓

Why?

↓

Because I liked it, and that's what it cost.

cost liked

↓

Is nobody understanding what we're trying to do?

nobody understanding

↓

I am trying to prove that this is all bullshit,

bullshit prove

↓

and you guys are all buying into it.

buying

↓

- Oh. Oh, ho, ho, ho. - Oh, hi.

↓

- Hi. - Here's the darling.

darling

↓

- Oh. - That sold me...

sold

↓

Not a painting.

painting

↓

- Mm. - A revelation.

↓

- Oh. Hi, Ango. - Oh, oh.

ango

↓

- Mm. - Oh. Oh, great.

↓

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Ango.

ango

↓

- Yes. - Thank you very much.

↓

- And thank you for coming. - Oh. Oh, my pleasure.

coming pleasure

↓

Yes, we have... We have many paintings by

paintings

↓

- our featured artist, Rickety Cricket. - Ah...

artist cricket featured rickety rickety-cricket

↓

Okay, well, Ango clearly has a great eye.

ango

↓

I do have a great eye.

↓

So I'm excited to see what you have.

excited

↓

Yes, yes. Well, here we have a Cricket.

cricket

↓

Oh.

↓

Yes, yes, and, uh, here we have another Cricket.

another cricket

↓

- Uh-huh. - And, uh...

↓

Oh, here we have the artist himself.

artist

↓

- This is Rickety Cricket. - Hey-o.

cricket rickety rickety-cricket

↓

Wow.

↓

Yeah, he literally has the worst life imaginable.

imaginable life worst

↓

He ain't lying.

aint lying

↓

So now you got some perspective

perspective

↓

- and some context. - Uh-huh.

context

↓

And like a story or whatever it is that you people need,

story

↓

- so... - Uh-huh.

↓

We don't have to talk numbers right now,

numbers

↓

- but I feel like it should be... - Hey, guys.

↓

I figured this art opening would be the perfect place

figured opening perfect perfect-place place

↓

to premiere my directorial debut.

premiere

↓

No, Dee, absolutely not.

absolutely

↓

- That's a hard "no." - Yeah.

hard

↓

Okay, thank you. Thank you very much. I'm sorry. That was, uh...

↓

That's not part of the, uh, whole thing.

part whole

↓

It's very disturbing. It's very avant-garde.

disturbing

↓

- Mm-hmm. - What do you think it's all worth?

worth

↓

Good question. Ango, what do you think?

ango question

↓

Millions.

millions

↓

I'd trade my limbs for it.

limbs trade

↓

Well, the market is dictated by what people will pay, so...

market

↓

Well, right, but how much are you willing to pay for it?

willing

↓

- Me? - Yeah.

↓

Oh, no, no.

↓

I'm really not interested in buying anything.

buying interested

↓

But you own an art gallery.

gallery

↓

Oh, no. Oh.

↓

I rent an art gallery,

gallery rent

↓

or more accurately, my parents rent one for me.

accurately parents rent

↓

What?

↓

So that painting I bought from you was worthless?

bought painting worthless

↓

Of course not.

course

↓

It meant something to you.

meant

↓

It's worth exactly what you paid.

paid worth

↓

- I want to sell it back. - Okay.

sell

↓

In that exchange, it would only be worth

exchange worth

↓

what I would pay for it, which is, again, um, nothing.

↓

I... I don't get it.

↓

When is stuff art?

stuff

↓

Uh, hey, guys, guys, um, if I may,

↓

I think I can sum this all up.

↓

You see, art

↓

is an ambiguous thing, yeah?

↓

Yeah, just because you make some art, it doesn't mean

↓

that you're an artist.

artist

↓

But, also, it does mean you're an artist.

artist

↓

But does it mean that that art

↓

is good art?

↓

Is art good just because the right people say it's good?

↓

Yes. Yes.

↓

That's... That's how it works.

works

↓

Yeah, but keep in mind, you know,

mind

↓

a lot of modern art is... Is trash.

modern trash

↓

I mean, it's shitty. It's not...

shitty

↓

You know, it's not good. It's terrible.

↓

You know? And yet, it's a fine line

line

↓

between Van Gogh and Van Damme,

↓

you know, between Depp and Grieco,

grieco

↓

between Banksy and Charlie,

banksy charlie

↓

that makes it very difficult to determine what's good art.

determine difficult makes

↓

You know, what's high art?

↓

What has worth? What has meaning?

meaning worth

↓

Yeah?

↓

But if one thing

↓

has become abundantly clear to me today...

become clear today

↓

And it should be to all of you, as well...

↓

Is that I wasn't raped.

raped

↓

We had a good time, she and I.

↓

Yeah. It was a... It was a two-way road.

road

↓

The whole thing was... Mutual.

mutual whole

↓

And the woman in no way looked like Rick Moranis.

looked moranis rick woman

↓

You know?

↓

She totally did. I remember her. Remember her?

remember

↓

Yeah.

↓

- Um... - Real dog. I wouldn't even sleep with her.

real sleep