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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S03E07 — The Gang Sells Out
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Season 3, Episode 7 — The Gang Sells Out
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TMDB episode metadata
Show:
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title:
The Gang Sells Out
Air date:
October 04, 2007
Director:
Matt Shakman
Top billed cast:
Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
The gang agrees to sell Paddys when they get an offer that is too good to refuse, but it forces the bar's non-partners, Dee and Charlie to find new jobs.
Source:
TMDB
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❯
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CHARLIE: Oh, my God, dude!
charlie
↗
⧉
↓
There is definitely a helicopter pad on the roof of this building.
building
helicopter
roof
↗
⧉
↓
DENNIS: No, there isn't, Charlie. - Yes, there is.
charlie
dennis
↗
⧉
↓
Every single one of these corporate buildings has a helipad on the roof.
buildings
corporate
roof
single
↗
⧉
↓
Charlie is right. There's always some big boss man fat cat
boss
charlie
↗
⧉
↓
that needs to be able to escape by helicopter.
able
escape
helicopter
needs
↗
⧉
↓
- What is he escaping from? - Secret tunnels then.
secret
tunnels
↗
⧉
↓
- Secrets tunnels? There are no... - A monorail system and a helipad.
secrets
system
tunnels
↗
⧉
↓
- Guys! Can we stop arguing? - There are two systems.
arguing
systems
↗
⧉
↓
I don't wanna talk to this corporate drone any longer than we have to.
corporate
longer
↗
⧉
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We're split on the helicopters. We'll come back to secret tunnels.
helicopters
secret
split
tunnels
↗
⧉
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- That was an excellent idea. - We'd better.
excellent
idea
↗
⧉
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But we can all agree we should at least hear this guy out.
agree
least
↗
⧉
↓
- I guess. Yeah, sure. - Let's hear the guy out.
↗
⧉
↓
We'll hear him out. We're agreed. Sir, please continue.
agreed
continue
↗
⧉
↓
Okay. Right...
↗
⧉
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As I was saying, when I went down to your bar the other day,
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⧉
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nobody appeared to be working there.
appeared
nobody
working
↗
⧉
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There were people there, but they were just customers
customers
↗
⧉
↓
who seemed to be serving themselves.
seemed
serving
↗
⧉
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We're out and about a lot. Get to the point.
point
↗
⧉
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Well, we here at Media Restaurant Group
group
media
restaurant
↗
⧉
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really think that the location of your bar would be a perfect spot
location
perfect
spot
↗
⧉
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for one of our Oldies Rock Cafés.
oldies
oldies-rock
rock
↗
⧉
↓
- Shit, dude, how do I explain this? - I don't know.
explain
↗
⧉
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This bar, it's who we are. All right?
↗
⧉
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It's all we've got. You wouldn't understand that.
↗
⧉
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You corporate pigs think you can just buy everything.
corporate
pigs
↗
⧉
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- You can't buy everything. - We know your kind.
↗
⧉
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You big businesses going all over town swallowing up the small guys.
businesses
swallowing
town
↗
⧉
↓
Well, guess what, pal... Paddy's Pub can't be bought.
bought
paddys
↗
⧉
↓
Okay. Well, if you would just please take a look at our offer.
offer
↗
⧉
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Yeah, man. We'll take a look at it, but...
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⧉
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Sold!
sold
↗
⧉
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There is no way I'm selling the bar.
selling
↗
⧉
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It's time for a life of leisure, buddy.
buddy
leisure
life
↗
⧉
↓
It's time to retire and collect that pension.
collect
pension
retire
↗
⧉
↓
Think of all the money we're gonna get.
money
↗
⧉
↓
- What are you talking about? - The money from selling the bar.
money
selling
↗
⧉
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We could retire to an island. We'll all get fat and tan.
island
retire
↗
⧉
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- Dee, you're not gonna get shit. - No.
↗
⧉
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We're the shareholders. You own nothing.
shareholders
↗
⧉
↓
Are you serious? I have been with you since the very beginning.
beginning
serious
↗
⧉
↓
I would think of Paddy's as an Enron-type situation.
paddys
situation
type
type-situation
↗
⧉
↓
We're gonna cut and run, and leave you out there broke and jobless.
broke
↗
⧉
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It's nothing personal. It's just business.
business
personal
↗
⧉
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It does not matter one bit because I'm not selling the bar anyway.
matter
selling
↗
⧉
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- Just take a look. - What is that?
↗
⧉
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That's the offer.
offer
↗
⧉
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Let's sell this piece-of-shit bar. (cheering)
cheering
piece
sell
↗
⧉
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DEE: Really? Just like that? - See ya later, piece of shit!
piece
↗
⧉
↓
Wait just one second. We have to milk this cow for all she's worth.
milk
second
worth
↗
⧉
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We need to be wooed.
wooed
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, I could go for being wooed.
wooed
↗
⧉
↓
- I'd love to be wooed. - I could go for some wood.
love
wood
wooed
↗
⧉
↓
- No. We're saying "wooed". - Yeah.
wooed
↗
⧉
↓
We'll get some wood.
wood
↗
⧉
↓
We'll build something cool. Then we'll go get the money.
build
cool
money
↗
⧉
↓
That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about.
↗
⧉
↓
We're talking about being wooed by this corporate guy.
corporate
wooed
↗
⧉
↓
- Dennis, just... - It's a waste of time?
dennis
waste
↗
⧉
↓
How are you gonna be wood?
wood
↗
⧉
↓
Let's just go and sell this bar for everything we can get.
sell
↗
⧉
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DENNIS: Let's do it, boys. Let's go!
boys
dennis
↗
⧉
↓
Wait a second. What the hell am I supposed to do?
second
supposed
↗
⧉
↓
MAC: Don't give a shit. (exasperated sigh)
sigh
↗
⧉
↓
(background music: oldies rock)
background
music
oldies
oldies-rock
rock
↗
⧉
↓
Hi. I need to apply for a job.
apply
↗
⧉
↓
Right. Just fill out this application,
application
fill
↗
⧉
↓
and I'll put it in the stack wit the others.
others
stack
↗
⧉
↓
- Dee? Hey. - Hi.
↗
⧉
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Are you applying for a job here?
applying
↗
⧉
↓
- Here? - Yeah.
↗
⧉
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What, are you crazy? Gross. No, I would never work here.
crazy
gross
↗
⧉
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I'm working here.
working
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah. I'm assistant-managing.
assistant
managing
↗
⧉
↓
I thought you worked at the coffee shop.
coffee
coffee-shop
shop
worked
↗
⧉
↓
I do still, but a Starbucks moved in across the street,
moved
starbucks
street
↗
⧉
↓
and they're stealing all our business.
business
stealing
↗
⧉
↓
Right across the street? Well, that is good to know. I love Starbucks.
love
starbucks
street
↗
⧉
↓
Oh. (chuckles)
chuckles
↗
⧉
↓
- That's why I'm working here. - Do you think you can get me a job?
working
↗
⧉
↓
Here? I thought you weren't applying.
applying
↗
⧉
↓
No, that was a lie.
↗
⧉
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- Oh. - Here's my application.
application
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay. You didn't fill it out yet. - I know. You do it.
fill
↗
⧉
↓
I don't mind. I'm gonna grab a beer while you're doing that.
beer
grab
mind
↗
⧉
↓
Come get me and give me all my stuff, and I'll start.
start
stuff
↗
⧉
↓
Thank you so much. This is awesome.
awesome
↗
⧉
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Did you go to high school or...
school
↗
⧉
↓
So, you guys ready to sell?
ready
sell
↗
⧉
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, pal. Listen. We have terms.
terms
whoa
whoa-whoa
whoa-whoa-whoa
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay. What are your terms? - We'd like a plaque.
plaque
terms
↗
⧉
↓
Of us, to be hung in the new restaurant
hung
restaurant
↗
⧉
↓
to pay tribute and preserve our legacy.
legacy
preserve
tribute
↗
⧉
↓
It could also be a statue, okay? Something real classy though.
classy
real
statue
↗
⧉
↓
Something like where those American soldiers
american
soldiers
↗
⧉
↓
are raising that flag up in that one war.
flag
raising
↗
⧉
↓
- The war where we saved Japan. - Oh, correct. Hiroshima.
correct
japan
saved
↗
⧉
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Actually, Charlie, it wasn't Hiroshima.
charlie
↗
⧉
↓
I'm pretty sure Hiroshima's in Japan.
japan
↗
⧉
↓
We dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan.
bomb
dropped
japan
nuclear
↗
⧉
↓
Why the hell did we drop a nuclear bomb on Japan?
bomb
drop
japan
nuclear
↗
⧉
↓
They make all our cars. They're our friends.
cars
friends
↗
⧉
↓
Not my car. I buy American.
american
↗
⧉
↓
American cars are pieces of shit. Everybody knows it.
american
cars
everybody
everybody-knows
knows
pieces
↗
⧉
↓
You're making a big mistake. Japan makes the best. And Germany.
best
germany
japan
makes
mistake
↗
⧉
↓
The problem with Germany is they don't make enough hybrids.
germany
problem
↗
⧉
↓
(all arguing) CORPORATE GUY: Excuse me. Excuse me.
arguing
corporate
excuse
↗
⧉
↓
- Excuse me! - What?
excuse
↗
⧉
↓
- Is that it? - Not even close.
close
↗
⧉
↓
It's the tip of the iceberg.
↗
⧉
↓
We also wanna be the ones to blow up the bar.
blow
ones
↗
⧉
↓
- I'm sorry? - Don't worry.
worry
↗
⧉
↓
We've already worked out everyone's part.
everyones
part
worked
↗
⧉
↓
Mac's gonna hold the spool. Charlie's gonna do the countdown.
charlies
countdown
macs
↗
⧉
↓
Frank and I, we're gonna push the handle down... Kablowie.
frank
handle
push
↗
⧉
↓
- And I want the chopper. - No! No! No! No!
chopper
↗
⧉
↓
Excuse me, sir. I would like a helicopter flyby.
excuse
helicopter
↗
⧉
↓
I don't need to be in it. I just want your corporate chopper
chopper
corporate
↗
⧉
↓
to fly by my apartment window real low and fast.
apartment
fast
real
window
↗
⧉
↓
Okay, you know what, here's what I'm gonna do.
↗
⧉
↓
I'm gonna pull the deal off the table.
deal
pull
table
↗
⧉
↓
(clicks tongue)
clicks
clicks-tongue
tongue
↗
⧉
↓
Fine. Then... we'll go with the original offer.
offer
original
↗
⧉
↓
No.
↗
⧉
↓
(whistles)
whistles
↗
⧉
↓
Something a little less than the original offer. Less money?
less
money
offer
original
↗
⧉
↓
We would accept something substantially less.
accept
less
↗
⧉
↓
I'm gonna go ahead and offer you nothing.
ahead
go-ahead
offer
↗
⧉
↓
You promised that you would not bring up the helicopter.
bring
helicopter
promised
↗
⧉
↓
You're not the boss of me, so quit...
boss
quit
↗
⧉
↓
Technically, I am the boss of you because I own half your shares.
boss
half
shares
technically
↗
⧉
↓
Since when?
↗
⧉
↓
You sold me half your shares of the bar for goods and services.
goods
half
services
shares
sold
↗
⧉
↓
Wait. You've definitely given me half your shares too.
given
half
shares
↗
⧉
↓
Maybe I gave you a couple shares when my back was against the wall
couple
shares
wall
↗
⧉
↓
and I needed a little breathing room.
breathing
needed
room
↗
⧉
↓
You gave me a shitload of shares for a half a sandwich.
half
sandwich
shares
shitload
↗
⧉
↓
What are you guys doing? A hose job where you're hosing me down?
hose
hosing
↗
⧉
↓
- You hosed yourself down. - You hosed yourself up and down.
↗
⧉
↓
- What do you want me to do? - I don't care.
care
↗
⧉
↓
- Get a job. - Oh, get a job? Just get a job?
↗
⧉
↓
Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon
cannon
helmet
squeeze
strap
↗
⧉
↓
and fire off into job-land where jobs grow on jobbies?
fire
grow
jobs
land
↗
⧉
↓
Now we're wasting time. Will you get outta here?
outta
wasting
↗
⧉
↓
I'm walking. I can't stand you guys.
stand
walking
↗
⧉
↓
Now that we got rid of dead weight, let's come up with a strategy.
dead
strategy
weight
↗
⧉
↓
- What's your plan? - I'm thinking...
plan
thinking
↗
⧉
↓
If this fat cat is not gonna woo us, then we gotta woo him.
↗
⧉
↓
(background music) #Yeah, uh-huh#
background
music
↗
⧉
↓
(woman singing R&B)
singing
woman
↗
⧉
↓
I thought you guys were taking me to dinner.
dinner
↗
⧉
↓
Come on. Who doesn't like to watch a naked woman swing 'round on a pole?
naked
pole
round
swing
watch
woman
↗
⧉
↓
- Gay man, for one. - Huh?
↗
⧉
↓
- I'm gay. - No.
↗
⧉
↓
You're so big and tough. You do not come across as gay.
tough
↗
⧉
↓
- You don't look like a gay guy. - That's 'cause he's a bear.
bear
↗
⧉
↓
- Huh? - He's a bear.
bear
↗
⧉
↓
Some gay guys are twinks and others are bears. This gay guy's a bear.
bear
bears
others
↗
⧉
↓
By the way, we're totally cool with that. To each his own.
cool
↗
⧉
↓
Wait. I'm a little confused here. What's a twink?
confused
twink
↗
⧉
↓
A twink is small and slender, like Mac.
twink
↗
⧉
↓
No. I'm too muscular. I'd be a bear.
bear
muscular
↗
⧉
↓
Don't think so. Not hairy enough.
hairy
↗
⧉
↓
Smooth. I would be a bear.
bear
smooth
↗
⧉
↓
See, I don't think you'd be a bear either.
bear
↗
⧉
↓
I don't know what you would be. You're definitely not a twink.
twink
↗
⧉
↓
- I'd be a top. That's for sure. - Maybe.
↗
⧉
↓
Can a twink be a top or is that reserved for bears?
bears
reserved
twink
↗
⧉
↓
I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth,
deal
forth
switching
↗
⧉
↓
but I think more often than not bears are tops.
bears
often
tops
↗
⧉
↓
- Unless they're power bottoms. - What's a power bottom?
bottom
bottoms
power
power-bottom
↗
⧉
↓
A power bottom is a bottom
bottom
power
power-bottom
↗
⧉
↓
that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
amount
capable
enormous
power
receiving
↗
⧉
↓
Actually, you got it backwards.
backwards
↗
⧉
↓
A power bottom's generating all the power by doing most of the work.
bottoms
power
↗
⧉
↓
Does the power have to do with the size or the strength of the bottom?
bottom
power
size
strength
↗
⧉
↓
Dennis, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.
dennis
heard
speed
↗
⧉
↓
Speed has everything to do with it.
speed
↗
⧉
↓
The speed of the bottom informs the top
bottom
speed
↗
⧉
↓
how much pressure he's supposed to apply.
apply
pressure
supposed
↗
⧉
↓
Speed's the name of the game. Right, buddy?
buddy
game
name
speeds
↗
⧉
↓
Goddamn it.
goddamn
goddamn-it
↗
⧉
↓
Now that you have your silverware all set out,
↗
⧉
↓
you're gonna need to refill all the ketchup bottles in your sections.
bottles
ketchup
refill
sections
↗
⧉
↓
That sounds like a whole thing. Know what I'll do?
sounds
whole
↗
⧉
↓
If they start to get empty, I'll grab some from other tables.
empty
grab
start
tables
↗
⧉
↓
No, because then someone else is doing your work for you.
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, which makes my job easier. - That's not how we do it here.
easier
makes
↗
⧉
↓
You actually have to follow the rules. We're very strict.
follow
rules
strict
↗
⧉
↓
Which means you probably shouldn't be drinking beer while...
beer
drinking
drinking-beer
↗
⧉
↓
You should get used to it because I'm doing it anyway.
used
↗
⧉
↓
Dee. Perfect. There you are. Look, I need a...
perfect
↗
⧉
↓
Hello. This is a surprising turn.
surprising
↗
⧉
↓
- Hello, Charlie. - How you doin'? This is good.
charlie
doin
↗
⧉
↓
- You working here or... - Look at you. You cracked the case.
case
cracked
working
↗
⧉
↓
- Why are you here then? - Kinda hit rock bottom. Need a job.
bottom
kinda
rock
rock-bottom
↗
⧉
↓
Dee, can you hook me up with a job here?
hook
↗
⧉
↓
I've been here for two hours. Talk to the manager.
hours
manager
↗
⧉
↓
- You're the manager. Good for you. - Thanks.
manager
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
Not an easy accomplishment. So, job?
accomplishment
easy
↗
⧉
↓
I don't think so. You're pretty weird.
weird
↗
⧉
↓
You make me feel uncomfortable and you smell really bad.
smell
uncomfortable
↗
⧉
↓
You say that, but I don't... I don't see it.
↗
⧉
↓
Look, when I'm at work, I am all about work. Right, Dee?
↗
⧉
↓
- Really does clean a mean toilet. - I'll sparkle it.
clean
sparkle
toilet
↗
⧉
↓
Fine. Okay, fine. I will give you a job.
↗
⧉
↓
You can be the assistant sanitation apprentice.
assistant
sanitation
↗
⧉
↓
Oho! Nice. What does that guy do?
↗
⧉
↓
That guy is gonna clean up vomit and shit, and put out grease fires.
clean
fires
grease
vomit
↗
⧉
↓
Sold. Dee, get me a beer.
beer
sold
↗
⧉
↓
- You can't drink on the job. - You can get your own beer.
beer
drink
↗
⧉
↓
I gotta get a beer to take the edge off
beer
edge
↗
⧉
↓
and then I'll get started doin' the fires or whatever you want me to.
doin
fires
started
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey. You need to talk to me? - Dee, yeah.
↗
⧉
↓
One of the bills you dropped on one of your tables was the wrong one.
bills
dropped
tables
↗
⧉
↓
No. I double-dropped it. I used to do it at Paddy's all the time.
double
dropped
paddys
used
↗
⧉
↓
I use the same bill for two tables and pocket the cash for the other.
bill
cash
pocket
tables
↗
⧉
↓
- That's stealing. - I know.
stealing
↗
⧉
↓
We're sticking it to those corporate bastards, aren't we?
bastards
corporate
sticking
↗
⧉
↓
- We're not doing anything. - Okay. That's rude.
rude
↗
⧉
↓
If they find out I know that you're doing this, I'm gonna lose my job.
lose
↗
⧉
↓
I'm not asking you to do much.
asking
↗
⧉
↓
Just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.
blind
place
stupid
↗
⧉
↓
No. I need this job.
↗
⧉
↓
- Wow. Fine. Fine. - Okay.
↗
⧉
↓
- I do. - Okay.
↗
⧉
↓
I have no idea why Dennis thinks you're so cool.
cool
dennis
idea
thinks
↗
⧉
↓
Did you say Dennis thinks I'm cool?
cool
dennis
thinks
↗
⧉
↓
What's that?
↗
⧉
↓
Did you say Dennis thinks I'm cool?
cool
dennis
thinks
↗
⧉
↓
He thinks you're really cool, but he's my brother,
brother
cool
thinks
↗
⧉
↓
so we recap the day with each other.
recap
↗
⧉
↓
When I tell him about this, I feel like he's gonna be...
↗
⧉
↓
You don't need to tell him that this happened.
happened
↗
⧉
↓
Because if you tell him that I'm cool, then...
cool
↗
⧉
↓
maybe we can forget that this whole thing ever happened.
forget
happened
whole
↗
⧉
↓
- Deal. - Deal.
deal
↗
⧉
↓
Knock, knock. Sorry to interrupt. Dee, let's talk sugars for a second.
interrupt
knock
knock-knock
second
↗
⧉
↓
You got a sugar crisis on your tables.
crisis
sugar
tables
↗
⧉
↓
Those little sugar-holder things, they don't refill themselves.
holder
refill
sugar
↗
⧉
↓
We're doing the work for you and you're making your manager look bad.
manager
↗
⧉
↓
- Thanks, Charlie. - No sweat.
charlie
sweat
thanks
thanks-charlie
↗
⧉
↓
It's a team effort out there, right? You gotta pick up your slack.
effort
pick
slack
team
↗
⧉
↓
Otherwise, we're doing all the work for you.
otherwise
↗
⧉
↓
You're getting a little close.
close
↗
⧉
↓
I was just stretching out and maybe you leaned in.
leaned
stretching
↗
⧉
↓
I don't think so, but let's not let that happen again.
happen
↗
⧉
↓
Didn't mean to do anything inappropriate. I was trying to help.
inappropriate
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay, back to work, everyone. - Back to work, everybody.
everybody
↗
⧉
↓
- Back to work. - Back to work.
↗
⧉
↓
Will you please drop the act?
drop
↗
⧉
↓
She is not into you and you're making me look bad.
↗
⧉
↓
You're making yourself look bad. Your tables are pathetic, Dee.
pathetic
tables
↗
⧉
↓
- You're not gonna impress her. - We'll see.
impress
↗
⧉
↓
(doo-wop vocalizing) Yeah.
vocalizing
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh! MAN: He's still got it.
↗
⧉
↓
What is going on here, Frank? Who are these guys?
frank
↗
⧉
↓
These are the Yellow Jacket boys, my old street gang from the '50s.
boys
gang
jacket
street
yellow
↗
⧉
↓
What exactly are your old, pathetic friends doing here?
friends
pathetic
↗
⧉
↓
The corporate guy decided to buy the bookstore down the block.
block
bookstore
corporate
decided
↗
⧉
↓
So me and the boys thought we'd do a little loitering.
boys
↗
⧉
↓
That's dumb. That is a dumb, stupid, dumb idea. Dumb.
dumb
idea
stupid
↗
⧉
↓
No, Dennis, it's not that dumb of an idea.
dennis
dumb
idea
↗
⧉
↓
If we can establish there's a seedy element outside of the bookstore,
bookstore
element
establish
↗
⧉
↓
maybe the offer comes back to us.
comes
offer
↗
⧉
↓
- Exactly. - You guys do whatever you want.
↗
⧉
↓
I'm going back to that Oldies Rock Café and get Charlie and Dee back.
charlie
oldies
oldies-rock
rock
↗
⧉
↓
If we're not gonna sell the bar,
sell
↗
⧉
↓
we at least need them here cleaning our toilets and serving us our beer.
beer
cleaning
least
serving
toilets
↗
⧉
↓
Great. Frank, please tell me you have another one of those jackets.
another
frank
jackets
↗
⧉
↓
Not for you, bitch.
bitch
↗
⧉
↓
What the hell are you doing here?
↗
⧉
↓
We want you guys to come back because they pulled out of the sale.
pulled
sale
↗
⧉
↓
So you screw me over to sell the bar and then you blow it.
blow
screw
sell
↗
⧉
↓
Now you want me to come back just to serve you drinks and not pay me.
drinks
serve
↗
⧉
↓
Is that a yes or... What is that?
↗
⧉
↓
That's a no, dick. I am very happy here.
dick
happy
↗
⧉
↓
I will have you know I am taking this place up the butt
butt
place
↗
⧉
↓
with a little scheme I like to call Dee's Double Drop.
dees
double
drop
scheme
↗
⧉
↓
- You're doing it here too? - You know about this?
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, yeah. We always used to take the difference out of your purse.
difference
purse
used
↗
⧉
↓
Are there always this many chicks here?
chicks
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah. College crowd. - Oh, college chicks. I like that.
chicks
college
crowd
↗
⧉
↓
Tell you what. Why don't you get me a job as a bartender here?
bartender
↗
⧉
↓
No. Screw you. I'm not helping you.
helping
screw
↗
⧉
↓
- Why wouldn't you help me? - What are you talking about?
↗
⧉
↓
- How is it not obvious? - It's not obvious to me at all.
obvious
↗
⧉
↓
You are stupid. You are straight-up stupid.
straight
stupid
↗
⧉
↓
Why am I talking to you about this anyway? You're just an underling.
↗
⧉
↓
- Let me talk to a manager. - I think that's a very good idea.
idea
manager
↗
⧉
↓
Why don't you take this application and go to the back office?
application
office
↗
⧉
↓
I'll send themanager right in to you.
send
↗
⧉
↓
- All right. Back here? - Back there.
↗
⧉
↓
You son of a bitch.
bitch
↗
⧉
↓
Hey. Sorry for keeping you waiting. It's busy out there tonight.
busy
keeping
tonight
waiting
↗
⧉
↓
So, Charlie Kelly. Nice to meet you.
charlie
charlie-kelly
kelly
meet
↗
⧉
↓
I understand you're looking for a bartending position.
bartending
looking
position
↗
⧉
↓
What the hell you doin'? You're the manager here now?
doin
manager
↗
⧉
↓
Things move very quickly at the Oldies Rock Café.
oldies
oldies-rock
quickly
rock
↗
⧉
↓
May I? I need to look over your forms here.
forms
↗
⧉
↓
I think I'll just... Can I just take a quick peek at that? Thank you.
peek
quick
↗
⧉
↓
Let's take a little look-see here. Okay. Good.
↗
⧉
↓
Good, good. This all looks good.
↗
⧉
↓
- So, tell me about Paddy's Pub. - Are you kidding me?
kidding
paddys
↗
⧉
↓
I think I need to know what your duties were.
duties
↗
⧉
↓
- I'm not answering any... - Did you do anything there?
answering
↗
⧉
↓
I am not gonna answer any of your questions. Just give me a job.
answer
questions
↗
⧉
↓
Really. Well, does not respond well to authority. Noted.
authority
noted
respond
↗
⧉
↓
Goddamn it. Goddamn you.
goddamn
goddamn-it
↗
⧉
↓
Language is a bit of an issue here at the Oldies Rock Café.
issue
language
oldies
oldies-rock
rock
↗
⧉
↓
Charlie! What are you doing in my office?
charlie
office
↗
⧉
↓
- A little research. - Are you... Dennis.
dennis
research
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey. - Hi.
↗
⧉
↓
Wow, look at you. You look... Lookin' good.
lookin
↗
⧉
↓
Okay.
↗
⧉
↓
- Are you the manager? - Yes.
manager
↗
⧉
↓
First of all, let me just apologize to you for never calling you back.
apologize
calling
↗
⧉
↓
And secondly, I'm here because I'm looking for a bartending job.
bartending
looking
secondly
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, well, maybe I should then...
↗
⧉
↓
- I'll go and just get your... - Get me a uniform?
uniform
↗
⧉
↓
Is that what you were gonna say? We said the same thing earlier.
↗
⧉
↓
- Off you go. - Okay. (chuckling)
chuckling
↗
⧉
↓
- What is her name again? - I hate you.
hate
name
↗
⧉
↓
(all chattering, laughing)
chattering
laughing
↗
⧉
↓
That was a knock, man.
knock
↗
⧉
↓
This isn't very intimidating, Frank.
frank
↗
⧉
↓
Don't worry. We're sending out a strong message, Mac.
message
sending
strong
worry
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, look, kids. It's a '50s doo-wop group.
group
kids
↗
⧉
↓
What? No, we're not a '50s doo-wop group.
group
↗
⧉
↓
- Would you sing us a song? - We don't sing, guy.
sing
song
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, yeah, we do. We'll sing. We'll sing for you. Right, boys?
boys
sing
↗
⧉
↓
- You guys sing? - Of course we sing. We're a gang.
course
gang
sing
↗
⧉
↓
- No, no! Gangsters don't sing! - What are you talking about?
gangsters
sing
↗
⧉
↓
Ever hear of gangster rap?
gangster
↗
⧉
↓
We're not gonna intimidate anybody
anybody
intimidate
↗
⧉
↓
f we're entertaining the whole goddamn neighborhood.
entertaining
goddamn
neighborhood
whole
whole-goddamn
↗
⧉
↓
Are you kidding me? Listen to this.
kidding
↗
⧉
↓
(pitch pipe) FRANK: One, two, three.
frank
pipe
pitch
three
↗
⧉
↓
#Those darn Yellow Jacket boys Buzz, buzz, bumble
boys
buzz
buzz-buzz
darn
jacket
yellow
↗
⧉
↓
#They don't pay for soda pop 'Cause they really rumble
rumble
soda
↗
⧉
↓
(vocalizing) #Buzz, buzz, buzz#
buzz
buzz-buzz
buzz-buzz-buzz
vocalizing
↗
⧉
↓
Goddamn it!
goddamn
goddamn-it
↗
⧉
↓
(continues) Goddamn it!
continues
goddamn
goddamn-it
↗
⧉
↓
#Ooh-ooh Yeah
↗
⧉
↓
(doo-wop group) #Bum-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba oomba-oo#
group
↗
⧉
↓
DENNIS: Lick 'em and stick 'em, ladies!
dennis
ladies
lick
stick
↗
⧉
↓
(doo-wop continues)
continues
↗
⧉
↓
- Whoo! - Excuse me.
excuse
whoo
↗
⧉
↓
You know what? You are not allowed to drink on the job.
allowed
drink
↗
⧉
↓
- What are you doing? - I'm a bartender. I drink.
bartender
drink
↗
⧉
↓
That's against the rules.
rules
↗
⧉
↓
We're not actually following the rules, are we?
following
rules
↗
⧉
↓
Cocktail, can I get those drinks before my shift ends?
cocktail
drinks
ends
shift
shift-ends
↗
⧉
↓
Sorry. I've been so busy getting so many phone numbers.
busy
numbers
phone
phone-numbers
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, what's that all about?
↗
⧉
↓
While you've been picking up bar whores,
picking
whores
↗
⧉
↓
I have been double-dropping like a bastard out there.
bastard
double
dropping
↗
⧉
↓
- You're double-dropping again? - I never stopped it.
double
dropping
stopped
↗
⧉
↓
- That is unbelievable. - What are you on about?
unbelievable
↗
⧉
↓
I thought we were sticking it to the man.
sticking
↗
⧉
↓
I am not sticking it to anyone.
sticking
↗
⧉
↓
This is my job. I have to report you two.
report
↗
⧉
↓
Wow. (mocking chatter)
chatter
mocking
↗
⧉
↓
This tattletale business is very ugly, isn't it, Dennis?
business
dennis
ugly
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah. - You know what, Dennis?
dennis
↗
⧉
↓
I took a chance giving you a job here and you're screwing me over.
chance
giving
screwing
↗
⧉
↓
Why are you being so needy?
needy
↗
⧉
↓
Do you realize how unattractive that is?
realize
unattractive
↗
⧉
↓
Don't you wanna be attractive to me? Come on.
attractive
↗
⧉
↓
All right, ladies. Who wants to do a shot off my abs?
ladies
shot
wants
↗
⧉
↓
(women whooping)
whooping
women
↗
⧉
↓
What's goin' on over there? Are you all right?
goin
↗
⧉
↓
I'm not all right. Dennis and Dee are being complete ass-faces.
complete
dennis
faces
↗
⧉
↓
I gave them a chance to work here.
chance
↗
⧉
↓
They're stealing from the restaurant and I'm gonna get fired.
fired
restaurant
stealing
↗
⧉
↓
- What? They're stealing? - Yes.
stealing
↗
⧉
↓
I will take care of Dennis and Dee for you, all right?
care
dennis
↗
⧉
↓
I will rid you of those two jerks.
jerks
↗
⧉
↓
- Really? - Yes.
↗
⧉
↓
Thanks, Charlie. That's really nice of you.
charlie
thanks
thanks-charlie
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, how about a hug to cheer you up?
cheer
↗
⧉
↓
Well, a quick one.
quick
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, for real? Oh, man.
real
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay. That's good. - Doesn't it feel right?
↗
⧉
↓
That felt good. No. Thank you.
↗
⧉
↓
- Why are you so sweaty? - It's really hot in here.
sweaty
↗
⧉
↓
- It's not hot. It's freezing. - It is freezing, isn't it?
freezing
↗
⧉
↓
They're blazing that A.C.
blazing
↗
⧉
↓
All right, listen, Yellow Jackets. Just let me do the talking.
jackets
yellow
↗
⧉
↓
I'm gonna let my blade do the talkin'.
blade
talkin
↗
⧉
↓
Jesus Christ, Frank! No blades. Okay?
blades
christ
christ-frank
frank
jesus
jesus-christ
jesus-christ-frank
↗
⧉
↓
We're just sending him a message.
message
sending
↗
⧉
↓
If he doesn't buy the bar, then there's gonna be trouble.
trouble
↗
⧉
↓
You bet. (clears throat)
clears
clears-throat
throat
↗
⧉
↓
What are you people doing at my house?
house
↗
⧉
↓
- Actually, sir, we're here to talk. - I'm not buying your bar.
buying
↗
⧉
↓
Look, pal, you'd better not mess with us.
mess
↗
⧉
↓
You see Hawky over here?
hawky
↗
⧉
↓
He's crazy. I'm not sure what he's capable of.
capable
crazy
↗
⧉
↓
Is that right? You got something to say, old man?
↗
⧉
↓
(Hawky gasps)
gasps
hawky
↗
⧉
↓
(gasping)
gasping
↗
⧉
↓
(body thuds on ground) Good night.
body
ground
night
thuds
↗
⧉
↓
I just topped myself for most phone numbers in one day... nine.
nine
numbers
phone
phone-numbers
↗
⧉
↓
- Nine? Come on. - What do you think?
nine
↗
⧉
↓
- Six strawberry margaritas, please. - You got it, babe.
babe
margaritas
strawberry
↗
⧉
↓
Don't make 'em, 'cause you won't have your jobs much longer.
jobs
longer
↗
⧉
↓
Corporate's on their way down here right now to fire your asses.
asses
fire
↗
⧉
↓
- What? You told on us? - Babe, don't do that to me.
babe
↗
⧉
↓
I feel like we were getting so close, sweet baby.
baby
close
sweet
sweet-baby
↗
⧉
↓
- He doesn't even know your name. - Yes, I do.
name
↗
⧉
↓
- What's my name? What is it? - Beautiful.
name
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh, my God. You're a dick. - I called you that all the time.
called
dick
↗
⧉
↓
Would you not want to be called beautiful?
called
↗
⧉
↓
One of you guys the one who called me?
called
↗
⧉
↓
Right here. These are the two that were stealing.
stealing
↗
⧉
↓
Wait a minute. I know you. And you.
minute
↗
⧉
↓
You own that dive bar down the street.
dive
street
↗
⧉
↓
You're the corporate dude with the helicopter.
corporate
helicopter
↗
⧉
↓
Here's the thing. I had a really strange night last night.
night
strange
↗
⧉
↓
Your friends and their doo-wop group
friends
group
↗
⧉
↓
showed up at my house and attacked me.
attacked
house
showed
↗
⧉
↓
One of them died on my doorstep and it sort of put me in a funk.
died
doorstep
funk
↗
⧉
↓
So I'm gonna clean house and you're all fired.
clean
fired
house
↗
⧉
↓
- What? - Yeah. You guys are all fired.
fired
↗
⧉
↓
I'm not fired. I'm not fired, right?
fired
↗
⧉
↓
- Did you hire these people? - She sure did.
hire
↗
⧉
↓
She hired me.
hired
↗
⧉
↓
Then clearly you're an idiot because these people are psychopaths.
idiot
psychopaths
↗
⧉
↓
But, no, you're not fired. I'm just kidding. You are.
fired
kidding
↗
⧉
↓
- Get the hell out of my restaurant. - Psychotic. Come on.
psychotic
restaurant
↗
⧉
↓
Goddamn it, Charlie! Really?
charlie
goddamn
goddamn-it
↗
⧉
↓
How am I gonna pay for my rent next month?
month
rent
↗
⧉
↓
- Don't worry. Come live with me. (shrieks) - Go to hell!
live
shrieks
worry
↗
⧉
↓
She is strung up supertight.
↗
⧉
↓
You guys wanna do some farewell shots?
farewell
shots
↗
⧉
↓
- Absolutely, buddy. - Here we go.
absolutely
buddy
↗
⧉
↓
Hawky lived a fast, hard life.
fast
hard
hawky
life
lived
↗
⧉
↓
Some stars shine so bright that they burn out before their time.
bright
burn
shine
stars
↗
⧉
↓
We're gonna miss you, Hawky.
hawky
miss
↗
⧉
↓
(all coughing)
coughing
↗
⧉
↓
(coughing)
coughing
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay. You ready, boys? - Yeah.
boys
ready
↗
⧉
↓
#Boom, boom boom, boom Hawky never spoke much
boom
boom-boom
boom-boom-boom
hawky
spoke
↗
⧉
↓
#But he had his doo-doo-doo-wop
↗
⧉
↓
#Now you're buzzing around
buzzing
↗
⧉
↓
#That hive in the sky (others vocalizing)
hive
others
vocalizing
↗
⧉
↓
#Yellow Jacket Hawky Oh, yeah
hawky
jacket
yellow
↗
⧉
↓
#We bid you good-bye
↗
⧉
↓
(vocalizing)
vocalizing
↗
⧉
↓
#Buzz#
buzz
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