♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E06 — The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 6 — The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation

Air date: September 27, 2007

Director: Fred Savage

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

A Korean restaurant owner threatens to get Paddy's kicked off the route for the city's annual pub crawl. The gang's response: War.

Source: TMDB

↓

DEE: You're definitely gonna get this one. You ready?

ready

↓

He knew that if the gooks were to get their hands on the watch,

hands watch

↓

they would take it. So he shoved it... up his ass!

shoved

↓

- I have no idea what you're doing. - Why, it's Christopher Walken!

christopher idea walken

↓

It sounded like Rosie Perez or something.

rosie sounded

↓

Come on! That was a perfect Walken, it's gonna win me the talent show.

perfect talent walken

↓

- What talent show? - The one I throw for the pub crawl.

crawl talent throw

↓

- Are you doing that again? - Mm-hmm.

↓

Yeah, well, it's not really a talent show anyway.

talent

↓

She just gets the most untalented people in Philly

philly

↓

to enter the competition... so she can win it,

competition enter

↓

and then she never wins it anyway. - No. Last year she got smoked

smoked wins

↓

by this chick who ate, like, 50 hot dogs in three seconds.

chick dogs seconds three three-seconds

↓

- That was amazing! - That was not talent.

amazing talent

↓

Guys! I got some news! Some terrible news! We got a huge problem.

huge news problem

↓

Can we stop for a second and talk about this?

second

↓

- What? - What's with that jacket?

jacket

↓

- I was gonna wait on that. - We should go over the jacket now.

jacket

↓

- No, let's hear about it now. - First of all, it's not a jacket.

jacket

↓

It's a duster. It's like a jacket,

duster jacket

↓

only it's longer, thicker and far more badass.

badass longer thicker

↓

I look like Lorenzo Lamas, and women find it irresistible.

women

↓

- That part's just simply not true. - Either way, I like it.

parts simply

↓

I bought it with the money I was gonna make at the pub crawl.

bought crawl money

↓

Here's the problem. You know that Korean barbecue joint

barbecue joint korean problem

↓

down the street? Mr. Kim's? They just signed up for the pub crawl.

crawl kims signed street

↓

- Which means they're the last stop! - They can't be the last stop.

↓

We're always the last stop! That's the only time of year we make money!

money

↓

They're also experimenting with a secret microbrew.

experimenting microbrew secret

↓

Word on the street is that it's delicious and powerful!

delicious powerful street word

↓

Bullshit! We're the microbrew guys!

bullshit microbrew

↓

- They can't take that! - Wait. You guys have a microbrew?

microbrew

↓

- Yes! We make a delicious... - Really?

delicious

↓

- Amazing microbrew! - Oh, it's amazing.

amazing microbrew

↓

They throw all the skunk beer into a trash can.

beer skunk throw trash

↓

And then they sell it for 10 dollars a glass.

dollars glass sell

↓

The point is we cannot let these Koreans steal our thunder!

cannot koreans point steal thunder

↓

They wanna make a top secret microbrew...

microbrew secret

↓

- We gotta make ours more powerful! - Right! We'll make it so strong

powerful strong

↓

that people will pass out and vomit and vomit in their own pass out.

pass vomit

↓

They'll never leave and go to Kim's in the first place!

kims place

↓

I will make this year's talent show the best talent show ever.

best talent years

↓

- Let the men talk! - We're in the middle

middle

↓

of an emergency here! - Guys, we gotta move on this.

emergency

↓

- It's the damn North Koreans! - Damn North Koreans.

koreans north north-koreans

↓

Wait. What makes you think they're North Koreans?

koreans makes north north-koreans

↓

(scoffs) That's the bad Korea.

korea scoffs

↓

They're the sneaky, bad Korea, man.

korea sneaky

↓

The ones on the top and they sneak down and they eat everybody's pets.

everybodys ones pets sneak

↓

I can't stand it! It's un-American! All right, goddamn it. That's it.

american goddamn goddamn-it stand

↓

They're gonna take our way of life from us. It's bullshit.

bullshit life

↓

Okay, gang. Let's solve this North Korea situation once and for all.

gang korea north north-korea situation solve

↓

(liquid splashing)

liquid splashing

↓

- All right, that's enough. - No, no, no.

↓

- That's enough moonshine! - No!

↓

Look, we don't want people to go blind!

blind

↓

- You can never have enough. - Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about.

trust

↓

How's it taste? (both gagging)

gagging taste

↓

We gotta lace it with somethin' sweeter.

lace somethin sweeter

↓

We gotta add a little sweetening. Oh, Deandra.

deandra

↓

Could you be a darling and run down and get Daddy some antifreeze?

daddy darling

↓

We don't want to kill people. You're not getting this.

kill

↓

I can't help you guys. I have a very busy day.

busy

↓

I'm auditioning people all day long. And also, you're not my dad.

auditioning

↓

Winning a talent show that you throw for yourself...

talent throw winning

↓

s just about the saddest thing you've ever done, Dee.

saddest

↓

Listen. If this is all about boosting your self-confidence,

confidence self self-confidence

↓

why don't you go out and bang a bunch of random dudes

bang bunch dudes random

↓

like you did in the good old days?

days

↓

This talent show's very important to me. All right?

shows talent

↓

And I'm not gonna let you guys steamroll me like you always do.

↓

Why don't you get Charlie and Dennis to help you?

charlie dennis

↓

Dennis and Charlie are out collecting intelligence.

charlie collecting dennis intelligence

↓

Oh! You're playing spies now?

playing spies

↓

Intel is the name of the game, Dee. It's all about the intelligence!

game intel intelligence name

↓

- You picked the wrong two people. - Maybe so.

picked

↓

But we do have a secret weapon.

secret secret-weapon weapon

↓

That would've been a lot better if I was wearing the duster, dude.

duster wearing wouldve

↓

It doesn't fit you. It's too big for you.

↓

That's why it's so awesome on me. It's like,

awesome

↓

- "Why's the guy in a giant jacket?" - Why do you take this away from me?

giant jacket whys

↓

"What is he hiding, dude?" I just wish you'd let me do it.

hiding wish

↓

- Can we just snoop around a little? - We can snoop around.

snoop

↓

- But I should wear the duster. - No, I'm wearing the duster.

duster wear wearing

↓

- That's the end of it. (groans) - Fine.

groans

↓

We should drink a couple of these microbrews.

couple drink

↓

That's what people on the pub crawl are gonna do.

crawl

↓

Two microbrews, please. (imitates gunshot)

gunshot imitates

↓

All right. What is this? "Pub Crawl Karaoke Contest"?

contest crawl karaoke

↓

Bro, "Prize, 500 dollars"? That's not good.

dollars prize

↓

- Aw, shit. - Look at that bracket.

↓

Do you think that's... That's what that's for?

↓

- That's for the karaoke contest. - Oh, my God, dude.

contest karaoke

↓

- There's a lot of names on there. - That's huge.

huge names

↓

Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult thing to do, man.

difficult

↓

- They got it down. - I gotta get this intel to Mac.

intel

↓

Well, hold on that because we want to try the...

↓

- What? The microbeers? - Yes.

↓

- Here we go. - Thank you. Thank you.

↓

- Oh, shit. - Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- That's good. That's... - That is really good. That is...

↓

- Mmm! - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

↓

- Son of a bitch, that's good. - They're putting somethin' in that.

bitch putting somethin

↓

'Cause you can't just make beer like that.

beer

↓

- What do you mean? - Like they're enriching it?

↓

- Are they enriching the... - You cannot...

cannot

↓

- They're enriching the beers. - They're enriching their beer.

beer beers

↓

- That's definitely enriched beer. - That's an enriched beer, dude.

beer enriched

↓

I've only tried enriched beer like once.

beer enriched tried

↓

They're not allowed to have the capabilities to enrich beer here.

allowed beer capabilities

↓

What is going on in this place? Look at all these people, man.

place

↓

- They're like, being brainwashed. - Oh, there's like brainwash...

brainwashed

↓

Notice how they're all happy and smiling...

happy notice smiling

↓

'cause they're drinking enrich... - How old was the bartender? 16? 60?

bartender drinking

↓

You have no idea. They're timeless.

idea timeless

↓

- They're endless and timeless. - We are in big trouble here, man.

endless timeless trouble

↓

Oh, shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door right there?

door

↓

The one marked "pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there? (sighs)

lives marked pirate sighs

↓

I see a door marked "private".

door marked private

↓

Is that the door you were talkin' about?

door talkin

↓

- No, I was talking a... - Yeah.

↓

- I didn't say... What did you hear? - No...

↓

I heard you say you saw a door marked "pirate".

door heard marked pirate

↓

And "Is there a pirate living in there?"

living pirate

↓

Why would there be a pirate living in a Korean restaurant?

korean living pirate restaurant

↓

Are we gonna talk about pirates all day?

pirates

↓

Or we gonna find out who lives in there?

lives

↓

All right. Jesus Christ, man.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

- Here we go. - What's wrong? Come on, open it.

open

↓

- It's locked. - All right, I'm gonna try this out.

locked

↓

- What is that? Your apartment key? - Yes.

apartment

↓

- I'll see if it works here. - That's not gonna work!

works

↓

- Why not? - We're not at your apartment!

apartment

↓

How many possible lock combinations can there be?

lock possible

↓

- So many! Hundreds of millions. - Eventually they'll overlap.

eventually hundreds millions

↓

- They're not ever gonna over... - You're right. It's not working.

working

↓

- Oh, no shit. - No shit. It was worth a try.

worth

↓

It was not worth a try. Move over. I'm gonna, like,

worth

↓

kick the door or some shit. - You're gonna kick it?

door kick

↓

- Really? - Damn, dude.

↓

- This thing is like... - What?

↓

enriched in its own way. - Let me try something else.

enriched

↓

- Try a spin kick. Try a spin kick. - Spin kick?

kick spin

↓

- Yeah. You think you can do it? - I'm not even sure... Okay.

↓

Sons of... All right, I'm gonna kick. You ram.

kick sons

↓

Go!

↓

Nice. Good.

↓

- How is that not working? - No, I don't know.

working

↓

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm all right.

↓

We're gonna do that some more. But let's get some more enriched beer.

beer enriched

↓

I'm gonna call Mac and give him the intel.

intel

↓

Holy shit!

holy

↓

See what else you can find out and call me back. Good work.

↓

- Forget the microbrew. - What's the intel?

forget intel microbrew

↓

They're having a karaoke contest.

contest having karaoke

↓

I'm elevating us to threat level yellow. It's time.

level threat yellow

↓

- Yellow? - Yeah. It's time.

yellow

↓

- What were we before? - Orange, of course.

course orange

↓

Orange is much more threatening than yellow!

orange threatening yellow

↓

No, that's an old system. It doesn't work anymore.

anymore system

↓

Clearly yellow... You go from yellow to orange to red!

orange yellow

↓

- Frank, this is orange! You see? - Yellow, orange, red!

frank orange yellow

↓

- This is yellow! See this? - Red, red!

yellow

↓

- Is this more threatening? - Yellow, orange, red!

orange threatening yellow

↓

- It's backwards going to yellow. - Wow.

backwards yellow

↓

- Elevate... - Color fight. Listen.

color fight

↓

I need you monkeys outta here 'cause my contestants are waiting.

contestants monkeys outta waiting

↓

That's a no can do and I'll tell you why.

↓

The Koreans escalated the conflict. I've upgraded us to yellow.

conflict escalated koreans upgraded yellow

↓

- I don't know what that means. - We're taking over the talent show.

talent

↓

- What? No, you're not! - It's already done.

↓

Go on. I knew it. I told you. You're trying to steamroll me.

↓

It's not gonna work. I'm gonna win this competition.

competition

↓

There's nothing you guys can do about it.

↓

You're not even gonna be in it, Dee. You have to face facts.

face facts

↓

- You have no talent. - You're talentless, sweetie.

sweetie talent

↓

Oh, really? Oh, is that so?

↓

Why don't you take a gander at this? (clears throat)

clears clears-throat throat

↓

"No, Mookie. I don't wanna do it. It's too hot outside."

↓

(laughs) Right?

laughs

↓

- What was that? - What the hell is that?

↓

- Rosie Perez! - What?

rosie

↓

- That's terrible. - Oh, come on! You love that one!

love

↓

You know what, Dee? You're a judge. That's it. Dee's gonna be a judge.

dees judge

↓

And you know why? Because sitting in judgment of other people

judgment sitting

↓

s the greatest way to make yourself feel better. Problem solved.

greatest problem problem-solved solved

↓

(grunts) And go. All right, again.

grunts

↓

And go. You might have to give me the duster back.

duster might

↓

- It's not working, man. - Aw, it'll work. Go!

itll working

↓

All right, it's not working, dude. I gotta use your head or something.

head working

↓

Yes, yes. Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram.

head sideways

↓

Now pick me up off the ground, okay?

ground pick

↓

Why are you people ruining my door?

door ruining

↓

- Yes! All right. Yeah. - Good! Hello!

↓

- Are you the owner? - I owner. I Mr. Kim.

owner

↓

- All right. - Okay, good. Well, Mr...

↓

- Wait. You say Mr. Kim? - Yes! I Mr. Kim!

↓

Wow. You should really do something different with your hair because...

hair

↓

You're not coming across at all like a man to me.

coming

↓

- You don't look or seem like a man. - Look...

↓

If you don't tell us what's in that microbrew, so help me, God,

microbrew

↓

we will send you people back to the Stone Age.

send stone

↓

I no respond to bully!

bully respond

↓

(laughs) What are you gonna do about it?

laughs

↓

You're messin' with the wrong country, pal!

country messin

↓

That's an act of aggression right there, buddy!

aggression buddy

↓

- Every Asian know martial arts? - They learn it when they grow up.

arts asian grow learn martial martial-arts

↓

It's like school. (speaking Korean)

korean school speaking

↓

Yes! (Korean)

korean

↓

Okay, okay. Okay!

↓

DENNIS: Oh, God. Jesus! - That guy is such a dickhead!

dennis dickhead jesus

↓

You don't have to take that from him. I hope you know that.

hope

↓

If I don't do what he say, he punish me!

punish

↓

He terrible man, okay? Always, "Work, work, work!"

↓

- He treat me like slave! - Slave?

slave treat

↓

- He's got slaves? - He's has slaves in there?

slaves

↓

What kind of a communist dictatorship

communist

↓

s this piece of shit running? - Hey, I no phone, no TV!

phone piece running

↓

I not even allowed to drink the beer!

allowed beer drink

↓

What? No!

↓

- No! That is not acceptable! - You're mad about the beer thing?

acceptable beer

↓

I'm very. Are you not mad about the beer thing?

beer

↓

- Of course I am. - You should be able to drink.

able course drink

↓

That's what happens in America. In America, you drink beer. Look.

america beer drink drink-beer happens

↓

I'll tell you what. You come down to Paddy's Pub, all right?

paddys

↓

We'll let you drink all the beer you want.

beer drink

↓

You can smoke your cigarettes. You won't have to deal with the trash

cigarettes deal smoke trash

↓

'cause I deal with the trash. - He takes out the trash.

deal takes trash

↓

- Me trash. - He captures the rats.

rats trash

↓

- You beer, me trash, okay? - I beer, you trash!

beer trash

↓

I trash, yes! (laughs) (Korean)

korean laughs trash

↓

Okay! (Korean)

korean

↓

Holy shit, bro. Did you just see that?

holy

↓

Yeah. She made a meaningful gesture towards me.

gesture meaningful

↓

She made... No, dude. She was gesturing to me.

↓

(scoffs) I had my arm out like this.

scoffs

↓

- Yeah, why were you doing that? - 'Cause she extended to me.

↓

And then there was stuff in the eyes between us.

eyes stuff

↓

- And my arm was at her. - All right.

↓

- Sure, pal. - Wha...

↓

#But the dog was buried By the bright sunlight

bright buried sunlight

↓

#And the old man died In his sleep last night

died night sleep

↓

#And the young girl Never did get...#

girl young young-girl

↓

All right! That's enough. That's enough. Thank you.

↓

Well, Martha, you are terrible.

martha

↓

I wanted to pluck out my eyes and jam them into my ears.

ears eyes pluck wanted

↓

I wanted to pummel you with a manhole cover.

cover wanted

↓

- There is no point to you. - Oh, no...

point

↓

(slurring) Sweetie, I thought you were really talented.

slurring sweetie talented

↓

And I liked it, what you had on your fingers.

fingers liked

↓

And your hair is so...

hair

↓

It's like it has a bulb on the front of it.

bulb front

↓

It just wasn't happening for me, dog. I mean...

↓

- What? - No, dog. I was not...

↓

It was the finger cymbals need work.

finger

↓

- Oh! - And the jewelry and everything...

jewelry

↓

It was... It was just okay, dog.

↓

- Is it a yes or no, Frank? Dee? - It's gotta be no, dog.

frank

↓

Oh, I just think you're so full of magic.

full magic

↓

- You're like a big, round wizard. - Right. Well, it's a no from me.

round wizard

↓

So... off you go, Martha. (sobs)

martha sobs

↓

- Why did you get so drunk? (scoffs) - You got drunk!

drunk scoffs

↓

I'm just really exhausted. What's in that cup?

exhausted

↓

- Rum and Cokes. - Why are you getting wasted?

cokes wasted

↓

Maybe because you dicks stole my talent show.

dicks stole talent

↓

- Do you have any idea how import... - "You have any idea..."

idea import

↓

We're trying to save the pub crawl. This is what you're doing?

crawl save

↓

(bellowing) You know what'll happen if the North Koreans take over?

happen koreans north north-koreans whatll

↓

- They'll ruin our way of life! - Get your shit together, dog!

life ruin

↓

Next!

↓

#Duster Look out, man

duster

↓

#Here comes a brother The man is in a duster

brother comes duster

↓

#He's a superfine Fantastic man

fantastic

↓

#He loves to wear his du...#

loves wear

↓

Oh, my God! (giggles)

giggles

↓

Oh, my God! You scared me. What are you doing?

scared

↓

- I run away. - Okay.

↓

Good. Uh... What are you doing here?

↓

I follow you home because I like you. (giggles)

follow giggles home

↓

Nice. Good. I... 'Cause I knew...

↓

I knew that... Right on! Okay.

↓

- Wait. All the way home? - Yes.

home

↓

So you saw me eat that Hot Pocket I found in the garbage?

found garbage pocket

↓

- Yes. - Any thoughts on that?

thoughts

↓

- No. - Oh, man. I like you.

↓

- Come on in. - I like you.

↓

(laughs) Yeah.

laughs

↓

(TV: cartoon soundtrack)

cartoon

↓

Hello there, Dennis. It's Charlie.

charlie dennis

↓

Hey, you're never gonna guess who showed up at my...

showed

↓

That's a very good guess. Congratulations.

congratulations

↓

But the point is that I've defeated you at this little game of hearts

defeated game hearts point

↓

and minds so that... No, don't come over.

minds

↓

No, dude. I don't want you to come over, dude. Don't c...

↓

(scoffs) Dennis, don't come over. Then why... No, I'm not scared.

dennis scared scoffs

↓

I just don't want you comin'... Goddamn it! No! Why did I call him?

comin goddamn goddamn-it

↓

(slurring) Good evening. I need to speak to Mr. Kim, please.

evening slurring speak

↓

- I Mr. Kim. - Hmm.

↓

All right. Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is...

name

↓

R-Rita F-Fire... s.

fire rita

↓

Hmm, Fires. And I am from the National Health Inspectors...

fires health national

↓

Uh, Store. And I need to...

store

↓

I need to make sure that your secret microbrew is up to code.

code microbrew secret

↓

- Health inspector? - Oh, you bet your ass, Kim.

health health-inspector inspector

↓

Okay, all right! I just... God!

↓

I just want your stupid recipe!

recipe stupid

↓

- You... terrible actress. - Wait! Okay.

actress

↓

(chuckles) Hmm, I'll sleep with you.

chuckles sleep

↓

Your breath smell like vomit. (whimpers)

breath smell vomit whimpers

↓

Okay, but... (muttering)

muttering

↓

I know recipe.

recipe

↓

- You do? - Well, what... What is it?

↓

Offer still stand?

offer stand

↓

- All right. Where is she? - Ah, dude,

↓

you might as well turn right back around, man.

might

↓

- 'Cause she's in love with me. - Uh, yeah, I doubt that.

doubt love

↓

- Hi. - We have so much in common,

common

↓

you're not gonna believe. - Like what?

believe

↓

- Uh, we both like pizza. - Pizza!

pizza pizza-pizza

↓

Well, I like pizza. Everybody loves pizza.

everybody everybody-loves loves pizza

↓

Oh, good. We both hate mean people.

hate

↓

- Who likes mean people? - We don't like mean people.

likes

↓

- Well, neither do I. - We both think kissing's gross.

gross

↓

- How is kissing gross? - We just don't like it.

gross kissing

↓

- We're not into it. Probably... - Sticky.

sticky

↓

Is it sticky? It's, like, there's candy and beer in your mouth.

beer candy mouth sticky

↓

How is it sticky? From candy and beer?

beer candy sticky

↓

- I don't know. - This is bullshit.

bullshit

↓

Clearly there's some kind of language-barrier thing happening.

language

↓

So I'm gonna go ahead and pop this shirt off

ahead go-ahead shirt

↓

and finish this thing once and for all, Charles.

charles finish

↓

Charlie? He smell like dog fart. (laughs)

charlie fart laughs smell

↓

- She says you smell like dog fart. - Oh, yeah?

fart smell

↓

- Take it off. Take it off for us. - Dog fart, huh?

fart

↓

(laughing, hollering)

laughing

↓

(fly buzzing)

buzzing

↓

(groans)

groans

↓

(snoring) (gasps)

gasps snoring

↓

Am I in America?

america

↓

(chattering) (jukebox: rock) Ladies.

chattering jukebox ladies rock

↓

- Nice turnout, huh? (sighs) - Yeah.

sighs turnout

↓

But I'm getting a little nervous here.

nervous

↓

I've heard some rumblings about Mr. Kim's, okay?

heard kims

↓

- We gotta keep these people here. - Don't worry, Mac. I got a plan.

plan worry

↓

Mac, I got problems, man.

problems

↓

I can see that. Why are you wearing the duster with no shirt?

duster shirt wearing

↓

I'm trying to get my mojo back. Charlie and I have been competing...

charlie competing mojo

↓

over the same Korean chick, and he's like totally winning.

chick korean winning

↓

Why are you wearing my duster with no shirt?

duster shirt wearing

↓

This is the perfect combination. Do I really have to explain this?

combination explain perfect

↓

- Are you kidding me? - Explain it to me.

explain kidding

↓

Black leather duster... Tough, muscular dude underneath it,

black duster leather muscular tough underneath

↓

nside of it. Very sexual.

sexual

↓

- Check this out. Check this out. DENNIS: What's with the hose?

check dennis hose

↓

Hang on. I'm gonna spray it on the women's tops.

hang spray tops womens

↓

We get a better look at their talents if their shirts are wet.

shirts talents

↓

- Wet T-shirt contest. I like that. - Wait, Frank. Frank.

contest frank frank-frank shirt shirt-contest

↓

How are we gonna have a wet T-shirt contest without girls?

contest girls shirt shirt-contest

↓

- We never got any contestants. - We use the girls that are here.

contestants girls

↓

They don't even know they're contestants.

contestants

↓

You can't just blast people with a hose in a bar. They will leave.

blast hose

↓

- Lock the door. - No, that's not gonna work.

door lock

↓

MAC: Frank, go get your gun. Perfect. Go over to Mr. Kim.

frank perfect

↓

- Convince him to close for the day. - I can do that.

close convince

↓

- Oh, excuse us! - Excuse us, please.

excuse

↓

- Excuse us! Hey-oh! - Hey-oh!

excuse

↓

I love when you say it!

love

↓

We are so happy. And do you know why?

happy

↓

- We just got engaged. - Yes!

engaged

↓

- You guys just got engaged? - Yes!

engaged

↓

- Yes. - Now we're engaged.

engaged

↓

Do you want to have some champagne?

champagne

↓

We'll have some champagne to celebrate this.

celebrate champagne

↓

Come on. Champagne!

champagne

↓

Did you guys happen to catch what Sun-Li was wearing?

catch happen wearing

↓

- White tank top. - A white tank top.

tank white

↓

Exactly. I thought we could talk Charlie into having her enter

charlie enter having

↓

the wet T-shirt contest. - Yeah, yeah.

contest shirt shirt-contest

↓

We'll tell him it's all a part of Dee's talent show.

dees part talent

↓

Right. When she jumps up on the stage,

jumps stage

↓

we'll blast her with the water. The crowd will go crazy.

blast crazy crowd water

↓

The other girls are gonna want to join in.

girls join

↓

And we will save the bar. And then she'll break up with Charlie,

break charlie save shell

↓

ruining any hopes for happiness that that son of a bitch ever had.

bitch happiness hopes ruining

↓

I agree with the first part. But the second part seems incredibly harsh.

agree harsh incredibly part second seems

↓

- That's the best goddamn part! - Look, you guys deal with that.

best deal goddamn part

↓

I'm gonna go take care of Mr. Kim.

care

↓

- Yeah, what do you want... - Boom!

boom

↓

- What the hell is this? - Oh,

↓

only Mr. Kim's secret microbrew recipe.

kims microbrew recipe secret

↓

It's in Korean. What am I supposed to do with this?

korean supposed

↓

Maybe I can get Sun-Li to translate it for us.

↓

Sun-Li? Hi. Could you read this for us, please?

read

↓

Okay.

↓

"Bony American is dirty, dirty whore.

american bony dirty dirty-dirty dirty-whore whore

↓

"She bring much shame to herself and country."

bring country shame

↓

Great. Good work, Dee.

↓

You really topped yourself this year, Sis.

↓

Charlie, can we talk to you for a sec?

charlie

↓

- You whore? - Mm-hmm.

whore

↓

Good. (sighs)

sighs

↓

What you want?

↓

I'm gonna have to ask you to shut this place down.

place

↓

I am shut down. Look around, you jerk! No one here.

jerk

↓

Yeah, I was kinda wondering about that. What's up?

kinda wondering

↓

My daughter, Sun-Li, she is missing!

daughter missing

↓

- Korean broad? - You seen her?

broad korean seen

↓

Uh, no.

↓

Oh, she no come home last night!

home night

↓

Well, I'm sure she's gonna come back.

↓

She probably just met some guy.

↓

What you talking about? You sick freak!

freak sick

↓

Sun-Li only 12 years old!

years

↓

- What? - She just 12-year-old girl!

girl

↓

Oh, shit!

↓

Attention, everybody. Hey, attention.

attention attention-everybody everybody

↓

Our first contestant hails from North Korea.

contestant korea north north-korea

↓

That's right, North Korea, everybody.

everybody korea north north-korea

↓

She's gonna be doing something or other.

↓

And then we're gonna blast her with water from a hose.

blast hose water

↓

It's gonna be great, right? You're gonna want to stick around for this.

stick

↓

And listen, ladies, if you wanna get in on this action,

action ladies

↓

please do not hesitate to do so.

hesitate

↓

Okay, take it away. (giggles)

giggles

↓

- All set. - Uh, wait a second.

second

↓

You're gonna blast my fiancée with water,

blast water

↓

exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?

breasts crowd entire exposing

↓

- Yeah, man. Is that cool? - That's very cool.

cool

↓

Awesome. All right, Sun-Li, hit it!

awesome

↓

#Oh, Great Leader We come to enjoy you

enjoy leader

↓

#You make sun and moon In the sky

moon

↓

#The earth is spinning Because of your laughter#

earth laughter spinning

↓

- She's bombing. Blast her. - All righty.

blast bombing righty

↓

All right, everybody! Three, two...

everybody three

↓

(gasps) One!

gasps

↓

- Oh, God! What are you doing? - Come on, Frank! Son of a bitch!

bitch frank

↓

- The wet T-shirt contest is off! - Why?

contest shirt shirt-contest

↓

- She's only 12 years old! - What? (murmuring)

murmuring years

↓

- You're just 12? - Twelve, Charlie!

charlie twelve

↓

- Oh, shit. - That actually explains a lot.

explains

↓

Where are you guys going? You guys don't have to leave!

↓

No, stay, drink! We didn't know she was 12.

drink

↓

(clamoring) Goddamn it!

clamoring goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- Well, there goes the pub crawl. - Oh, son of a bitch.

bitch crawl

↓

- Well, I feel better about myself. - Why?

↓

Uh, all I did was sleep with a toothless, oily busboy for a recipe.

recipe sleep toothless

↓

- Charlie banged a 12 year old. - No, I didn't.

banged charlie

↓

- What? - I didn't even kiss that girl.

girl kiss

↓

- Like, nothing happened. - Really?

happened

↓

Yeah, absolutely. I can't believe you banged a toothless busboy.

absolutely banged believe toothless

↓

(guys chuckling)

chuckling

↓

- Those goddamn North Koreans. - They are some sneaky bastards.

bastards goddamn koreans north north-koreans sneaky

↓

- Yeah. - Yep.