Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E06 — The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 6 — The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation

DEE: You're definitely gonna get this one. You ready?

#1

⇓

He knew that if the gooks were to get their hands on the watch,

#3

⇓

they would take it. So he shoved it... up his ass!

#4

⇓

- I have no idea what you're doing. - Why, it's Christopher Walken!

#5

⇓

It sounded like Rosie Perez or something.

#6

⇓

Come on! That was a perfect Walken, it's gonna win me the talent show.

#7

⇓

- What talent show? - The one I throw for the pub crawl.

#8

⇓

- Are you doing that again? - Mm-hmm.

#9

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Yeah, well, it's not really a talent show anyway.

#10

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She just gets the most untalented people in Philly

#11

⇓

to enter the competition... so she can win it,

#12

⇓

and then she never wins it anyway. - No. Last year she got smoked

#13

⇓

by this chick who ate, like, 50 hot dogs in three seconds.

#14

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- That was amazing! - That was not talent.

#15

⇓

Guys! I got some news! Some terrible news! We got a huge problem.

#16

⇓

Can we stop for a second and talk about this?

#17

⇓

- What? - What's with that jacket?

#18

⇓

- I was gonna wait on that. - We should go over the jacket now.

#19

⇓

- No, let's hear about it now. - First of all, it's not a jacket.

#20

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It's a duster. It's like a jacket,

#21

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only it's longer, thicker and far more badass.

#22

⇓

I look like Lorenzo Lamas, and women find it irresistible.

#23

⇓

- That part's just simply not true. - Either way, I like it.

#24

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I bought it with the money I was gonna make at the pub crawl.

#25

⇓

Here's the problem. You know that Korean barbecue joint

#26

⇓

down the street? Mr. Kim's? They just signed up for the pub crawl.

#27

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- Which means they're the last stop! - They can't be the last stop.

#28

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We're always the last stop! That's the only time of year we make money!

#29

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They're also experimenting with a secret microbrew.

#30

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Word on the street is that it's delicious and powerful!

#31

⇓

Bullshit! We're the microbrew guys!

#32

⇓

- They can't take that! - Wait. You guys have a microbrew?

#33

⇓

- Yes! We make a delicious... - Really?

#34

⇓

- Amazing microbrew! - Oh, it's amazing.

#35

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They throw all the skunk beer into a trash can.

#36

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And then they sell it for 10 dollars a glass.

#37

⇓

The point is we cannot let these Koreans steal our thunder!

#38

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They wanna make a top secret microbrew...

#39

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- We gotta make ours more powerful! - Right! We'll make it so strong

#40

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that people will pass out and vomit and vomit in their own pass out.

#41

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They'll never leave and go to Kim's in the first place!

#42

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I will make this year's talent show the best talent show ever.

#43

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- Let the men talk! - We're in the middle

#44

⇓

of an emergency here! - Guys, we gotta move on this.

#45

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- It's the damn North Koreans! - Damn North Koreans.

#46

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Wait. What makes you think they're North Koreans?

#47

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(scoffs) That's the bad Korea.

#48

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They're the sneaky, bad Korea, man.

#49

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The ones on the top and they sneak down and they eat everybody's pets.

#50

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I can't stand it! It's un-American! All right, goddamn it. That's it.

#51

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They're gonna take our way of life from us. It's bullshit.

#52

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Okay, gang. Let's solve this North Korea situation once and for all.

#53

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(liquid splashing)

#54

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- All right, that's enough. - No, no, no.

#55

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- That's enough moonshine! - No!

#56

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Look, we don't want people to go blind!

#57

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- You can never have enough. - Goddamn it.

#58

⇓

Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about.

#59

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How's it taste? (both gagging)

#60

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We gotta lace it with somethin' sweeter.

#61

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We gotta add a little sweetening. Oh, Deandra.

#62

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Could you be a darling and run down and get Daddy some antifreeze?

#63

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We don't want to kill people. You're not getting this.

#64

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I can't help you guys. I have a very busy day.

#65

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I'm auditioning people all day long. And also, you're not my dad.

#66

⇓

Winning a talent show that you throw for yourself...

#67

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s just about the saddest thing you've ever done, Dee.

#68

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Listen. If this is all about boosting your self-confidence,

#69

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why don't you go out and bang a bunch of random dudes

#70

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like you did in the good old days?

#71

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This talent show's very important to me. All right?

#72

⇓

And I'm not gonna let you guys steamroll me like you always do.

#73

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Why don't you get Charlie and Dennis to help you?

#74

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Dennis and Charlie are out collecting intelligence.

#75

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Oh! You're playing spies now?

#76

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Intel is the name of the game, Dee. It's all about the intelligence!

#77

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- You picked the wrong two people. - Maybe so.

#78

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But we do have a secret weapon.

#79

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That would've been a lot better if I was wearing the duster, dude.

#80

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It doesn't fit you. It's too big for you.

#81

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That's why it's so awesome on me. It's like,

#82

⇓

- "Why's the guy in a giant jacket?" - Why do you take this away from me?

#83

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"What is he hiding, dude?" I just wish you'd let me do it.

#84

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- Can we just snoop around a little? - We can snoop around.

#85

⇓

- But I should wear the duster. - No, I'm wearing the duster.

#86

⇓

- That's the end of it. (groans) - Fine.

#87

⇓

We should drink a couple of these microbrews.

#88

⇓

That's what people on the pub crawl are gonna do.

#89

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Two microbrews, please. (imitates gunshot)

#90

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All right. What is this? "Pub Crawl Karaoke Contest"?

#91

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Bro, "Prize, 500 dollars"? That's not good.

#92

⇓

- Aw, shit. - Look at that bracket.

#93

⇓

Do you think that's... That's what that's for?

#94

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- That's for the karaoke contest. - Oh, my God, dude.

#95

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- There's a lot of names on there. - That's huge.

#96

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Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult thing to do, man.

#97

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- They got it down. - I gotta get this intel to Mac.

#98

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Well, hold on that because we want to try the...

#99

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- What? The microbeers? - Yes.

#100

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- Here we go. - Thank you. Thank you.

#101

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- Oh, shit. - Goddamn it.

#102

⇓

- That's good. That's... - That is really good. That is...

#103

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- Mmm! - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

#104

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- Son of a bitch, that's good. - They're putting somethin' in that.

#105

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'Cause you can't just make beer like that.

#106

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- What do you mean? - Like they're enriching it?

#107

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- Are they enriching the... - You cannot...

#108

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- They're enriching the beers. - They're enriching their beer.

#109

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- That's definitely enriched beer. - That's an enriched beer, dude.

#110

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I've only tried enriched beer like once.

#111

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They're not allowed to have the capabilities to enrich beer here.

#112

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What is going on in this place? Look at all these people, man.

#113

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- They're like, being brainwashed. - Oh, there's like brainwash...

#114

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Notice how they're all happy and smiling...

#115

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'cause they're drinking enrich... - How old was the bartender? 16? 60?

#116

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You have no idea. They're timeless.

#117

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- They're endless and timeless. - We are in big trouble here, man.

#118

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Oh, shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door right there?

#119

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The one marked "pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there? (sighs)

#120

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I see a door marked "private".

#121

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Is that the door you were talkin' about?

#122

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- No, I was talking a... - Yeah.

#123

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- I didn't say... What did you hear? - No...

#124

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I heard you say you saw a door marked "pirate".

#125

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And "Is there a pirate living in there?"

#126

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Why would there be a pirate living in a Korean restaurant?

#127

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Are we gonna talk about pirates all day?

#128

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Or we gonna find out who lives in there?

#129

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All right. Jesus Christ, man.

#130

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- Here we go. - What's wrong? Come on, open it.

#131

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- It's locked. - All right, I'm gonna try this out.

#132

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- What is that? Your apartment key? - Yes.

#133

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- I'll see if it works here. - That's not gonna work!

#134

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- Why not? - We're not at your apartment!

#135

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How many possible lock combinations can there be?

#136

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- So many! Hundreds of millions. - Eventually they'll overlap.

#137

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- They're not ever gonna over... - You're right. It's not working.

#138

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- Oh, no shit. - No shit. It was worth a try.

#139

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It was not worth a try. Move over. I'm gonna, like,

#140

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kick the door or some shit. - You're gonna kick it?

#141

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- Really? - Damn, dude.

#142

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- This thing is like... - What?

#143

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enriched in its own way. - Let me try something else.

#144

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- Try a spin kick. Try a spin kick. - Spin kick?

#145

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- Yeah. You think you can do it? - I'm not even sure... Okay.

#146

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Sons of... All right, I'm gonna kick. You ram.

#147

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Go!

#148

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Nice. Good.

#149

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- How is that not working? - No, I don't know.

#150

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- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm all right.

#151

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We're gonna do that some more. But let's get some more enriched beer.

#152

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I'm gonna call Mac and give him the intel.

#153

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Holy shit!

#154

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See what else you can find out and call me back. Good work.

#155

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- Forget the microbrew. - What's the intel?

#156

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They're having a karaoke contest.

#157

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I'm elevating us to threat level yellow. It's time.

#158

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- Yellow? - Yeah. It's time.

#159

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- What were we before? - Orange, of course.

#160

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Orange is much more threatening than yellow!

#161

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No, that's an old system. It doesn't work anymore.

#162

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Clearly yellow... You go from yellow to orange to red!

#163

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- Frank, this is orange! You see? - Yellow, orange, red!

#164

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- This is yellow! See this? - Red, red!

#165

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- Is this more threatening? - Yellow, orange, red!

#166

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- It's backwards going to yellow. - Wow.

#167

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- Elevate... - Color fight. Listen.

#168

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I need you monkeys outta here 'cause my contestants are waiting.

#169

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That's a no can do and I'll tell you why.

#170

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The Koreans escalated the conflict. I've upgraded us to yellow.

#171

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- I don't know what that means. - We're taking over the talent show.

#172

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- What? No, you're not! - It's already done.

#173

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Go on. I knew it. I told you. You're trying to steamroll me.

#174

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It's not gonna work. I'm gonna win this competition.

#175

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There's nothing you guys can do about it.

#176

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You're not even gonna be in it, Dee. You have to face facts.

#177

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- You have no talent. - You're talentless, sweetie.

#178

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Oh, really? Oh, is that so?

#179

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Why don't you take a gander at this? (clears throat)

#180

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"No, Mookie. I don't wanna do it. It's too hot outside."

#181

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(laughs) Right?

#182

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- What was that? - What the hell is that?

#183

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- Rosie Perez! - What?

#184

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- That's terrible. - Oh, come on! You love that one!

#185

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You know what, Dee? You're a judge. That's it. Dee's gonna be a judge.

#186

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And you know why? Because sitting in judgment of other people

#187

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s the greatest way to make yourself feel better. Problem solved.

#188

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(grunts) And go. All right, again.

#189

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And go. You might have to give me the duster back.

#190

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- It's not working, man. - Aw, it'll work. Go!

#191

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All right, it's not working, dude. I gotta use your head or something.

#192

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Yes, yes. Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram.

#193

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Now pick me up off the ground, okay?

#194

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Why are you people ruining my door?

#195

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- Yes! All right. Yeah. - Good! Hello!

#196

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- Are you the owner? - I owner. I Mr. Kim.

#197

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- All right. - Okay, good. Well, Mr...

#198

⇓

- Wait. You say Mr. Kim? - Yes! I Mr. Kim!

#199

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Wow. You should really do something different with your hair because...

#200

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You're not coming across at all like a man to me.

#201

⇓

- You don't look or seem like a man. - Look...

#202

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If you don't tell us what's in that microbrew, so help me, God,

#203

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we will send you people back to the Stone Age.

#204

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I no respond to bully!

#205

⇓

(laughs) What are you gonna do about it?

#206

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You're messin' with the wrong country, pal!

#207

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That's an act of aggression right there, buddy!

#208

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- Every Asian know martial arts? - They learn it when they grow up.

#209

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It's like school. (speaking Korean)

#210

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Yes! (Korean)

#211

⇓

Okay, okay. Okay!

#212

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DENNIS: Oh, God. Jesus! - That guy is such a dickhead!

#213

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You don't have to take that from him. I hope you know that.

#214

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If I don't do what he say, he punish me!

#215

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He terrible man, okay? Always, "Work, work, work!"

#216

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- He treat me like slave! - Slave?

#217

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- He's got slaves? - He's has slaves in there?

#218

⇓

What kind of a communist dictatorship

#219

⇓

s this piece of shit running? - Hey, I no phone, no TV!

#220

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I not even allowed to drink the beer!

#221

⇓

What? No!

#222

⇓

- No! That is not acceptable! - You're mad about the beer thing?

#223

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I'm very. Are you not mad about the beer thing?

#224

⇓

- Of course I am. - You should be able to drink.

#225

⇓

That's what happens in America. In America, you drink beer. Look.

#226

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I'll tell you what. You come down to Paddy's Pub, all right?

#227

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We'll let you drink all the beer you want.

#228

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You can smoke your cigarettes. You won't have to deal with the trash

#229

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'cause I deal with the trash. - He takes out the trash.

#230

⇓

- Me trash. - He captures the rats.

#231

⇓

- You beer, me trash, okay? - I beer, you trash!

#232

⇓

I trash, yes! (laughs) (Korean)

#233

⇓

Okay! (Korean)

#234

⇓

Holy shit, bro. Did you just see that?

#235

⇓

Yeah. She made a meaningful gesture towards me.

#236

⇓

She made... No, dude. She was gesturing to me.

#237

⇓

(scoffs) I had my arm out like this.

#238

⇓

- Yeah, why were you doing that? - 'Cause she extended to me.

#239

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And then there was stuff in the eyes between us.

#240

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- And my arm was at her. - All right.

#241

⇓

- Sure, pal. - Wha...

#242

⇓

#But the dog was buried By the bright sunlight

#243

⇓

#And the old man died In his sleep last night

#244

⇓

#And the young girl Never did get...#

#245

⇓

All right! That's enough. That's enough. Thank you.

#246

⇓

Well, Martha, you are terrible.

#247

⇓

I wanted to pluck out my eyes and jam them into my ears.

#248

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I wanted to pummel you with a manhole cover.

#249

⇓

- There is no point to you. - Oh, no...

#250

⇓

(slurring) Sweetie, I thought you were really talented.

#251

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And I liked it, what you had on your fingers.

#252

⇓

And your hair is so...

#253

⇓

It's like it has a bulb on the front of it.

#254

⇓

It just wasn't happening for me, dog. I mean...

#255

⇓

- What? - No, dog. I was not...

#256

⇓

It was the finger cymbals need work.

#257

⇓

- Oh! - And the jewelry and everything...

#258

⇓

It was... It was just okay, dog.

#259

⇓

- Is it a yes or no, Frank? Dee? - It's gotta be no, dog.

#260

⇓

Oh, I just think you're so full of magic.

#261

⇓

- You're like a big, round wizard. - Right. Well, it's a no from me.

#262

⇓

So... off you go, Martha. (sobs)

#263

⇓

- Why did you get so drunk? (scoffs) - You got drunk!

#264

⇓

I'm just really exhausted. What's in that cup?

#265

⇓

- Rum and Cokes. - Why are you getting wasted?

#266

⇓

Maybe because you dicks stole my talent show.

#267

⇓

- Do you have any idea how import... - "You have any idea..."

#268

⇓

We're trying to save the pub crawl. This is what you're doing?

#269

⇓

(bellowing) You know what'll happen if the North Koreans take over?

#270

⇓

- They'll ruin our way of life! - Get your shit together, dog!

#271

⇓

Next!

#272

⇓

#Duster Look out, man

#273

⇓

#Here comes a brother The man is in a duster

#274

⇓

#He's a superfine Fantastic man

#275

⇓

#He loves to wear his du...#

#276

⇓

Oh, my God! (giggles)

#277

⇓

Oh, my God! You scared me. What are you doing?

#278

⇓

- I run away. - Okay.

#279

⇓

Good. Uh... What are you doing here?

#280

⇓

I follow you home because I like you. (giggles)

#281

⇓

Nice. Good. I... 'Cause I knew...

#282

⇓

I knew that... Right on! Okay.

#283

⇓

- Wait. All the way home? - Yes.

#284

⇓

So you saw me eat that Hot Pocket I found in the garbage?

#285

⇓

- Yes. - Any thoughts on that?

#286

⇓

- No. - Oh, man. I like you.

#287

⇓

- Come on in. - I like you.

#288

⇓

(laughs) Yeah.

#289

⇓

(TV: cartoon soundtrack)

#290

⇓

Hello there, Dennis. It's Charlie.

#291

⇓

Hey, you're never gonna guess who showed up at my...

#292

⇓

That's a very good guess. Congratulations.

#293

⇓

But the point is that I've defeated you at this little game of hearts

#294

⇓

and minds so that... No, don't come over.

#295

⇓

No, dude. I don't want you to come over, dude. Don't c...

#296

⇓

(scoffs) Dennis, don't come over. Then why... No, I'm not scared.

#297

⇓

I just don't want you comin'... Goddamn it! No! Why did I call him?

#298

⇓

(slurring) Good evening. I need to speak to Mr. Kim, please.

#299

⇓

- I Mr. Kim. - Hmm.

#300

⇓

All right. Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is...

#301

⇓

R-Rita F-Fire... s.

#302

⇓

Hmm, Fires. And I am from the National Health Inspectors...

#303

⇓

Uh, Store. And I need to...

#304

⇓

I need to make sure that your secret microbrew is up to code.

#305

⇓

- Health inspector? - Oh, you bet your ass, Kim.

#306

⇓

Okay, all right! I just... God!

#307

⇓

I just want your stupid recipe!

#308

⇓

- You... terrible actress. - Wait! Okay.

#309

⇓

(chuckles) Hmm, I'll sleep with you.

#310

⇓

Your breath smell like vomit. (whimpers)

#311

⇓

Okay, but... (muttering)

#312

⇓

I know recipe.

#313

⇓

- You do? - Well, what... What is it?

#314

⇓

Offer still stand?

#315

⇓

- All right. Where is she? - Ah, dude,

#316

⇓

you might as well turn right back around, man.

#317

⇓

- 'Cause she's in love with me. - Uh, yeah, I doubt that.

#318

⇓

- Hi. - We have so much in common,

#319

⇓

you're not gonna believe. - Like what?

#320

⇓

- Uh, we both like pizza. - Pizza!

#321

⇓

Well, I like pizza. Everybody loves pizza.

#322

⇓

Oh, good. We both hate mean people.

#323

⇓

- Who likes mean people? - We don't like mean people.

#324

⇓

- Well, neither do I. - We both think kissing's gross.

#325

⇓

- How is kissing gross? - We just don't like it.

#326

⇓

- We're not into it. Probably... - Sticky.

#327

⇓

Is it sticky? It's, like, there's candy and beer in your mouth.

#328

⇓

How is it sticky? From candy and beer?

#329

⇓

- I don't know. - This is bullshit.

#330

⇓

Clearly there's some kind of language-barrier thing happening.

#331

⇓

So I'm gonna go ahead and pop this shirt off

#332

⇓

and finish this thing once and for all, Charles.

#333

⇓

Charlie? He smell like dog fart. (laughs)

#334

⇓

- She says you smell like dog fart. - Oh, yeah?

#335

⇓

- Take it off. Take it off for us. - Dog fart, huh?

#336

⇓

(laughing, hollering)

#337

⇓

(fly buzzing)

#338

⇓

(groans)

#339

⇓

(snoring) (gasps)

#340

⇓

Am I in America?

#341

⇓

(chattering) (jukebox: rock) Ladies.

#342

⇓

- Nice turnout, huh? (sighs) - Yeah.

#343

⇓

But I'm getting a little nervous here.

#344

⇓

I've heard some rumblings about Mr. Kim's, okay?

#345

⇓

- We gotta keep these people here. - Don't worry, Mac. I got a plan.

#346

⇓

Mac, I got problems, man.

#347

⇓

I can see that. Why are you wearing the duster with no shirt?

#348

⇓

I'm trying to get my mojo back. Charlie and I have been competing...

#349

⇓

over the same Korean chick, and he's like totally winning.

#350

⇓

Why are you wearing my duster with no shirt?

#351

⇓

This is the perfect combination. Do I really have to explain this?

#352

⇓

- Are you kidding me? - Explain it to me.

#353

⇓

Black leather duster... Tough, muscular dude underneath it,

#354

⇓

nside of it. Very sexual.

#355

⇓

- Check this out. Check this out. DENNIS: What's with the hose?

#356

⇓

Hang on. I'm gonna spray it on the women's tops.

#357

⇓

We get a better look at their talents if their shirts are wet.

#358

⇓

- Wet T-shirt contest. I like that. - Wait, Frank. Frank.

#359

⇓

How are we gonna have a wet T-shirt contest without girls?

#360

⇓

- We never got any contestants. - We use the girls that are here.

#361

⇓

They don't even know they're contestants.

#362

⇓

You can't just blast people with a hose in a bar. They will leave.

#363

⇓

- Lock the door. - No, that's not gonna work.

#364

⇓

MAC: Frank, go get your gun. Perfect. Go over to Mr. Kim.

#365

⇓

- Convince him to close for the day. - I can do that.

#366

⇓

- Oh, excuse us! - Excuse us, please.

#367

⇓

- Excuse us! Hey-oh! - Hey-oh!

#368

⇓

I love when you say it!

#369

⇓

We are so happy. And do you know why?

#370

⇓

- We just got engaged. - Yes!

#371

⇓

- You guys just got engaged? - Yes!

#372

⇓

- Yes. - Now we're engaged.

#373

⇓

Do you want to have some champagne?

#374

⇓

We'll have some champagne to celebrate this.

#375

⇓

Come on. Champagne!

#376

⇓

Did you guys happen to catch what Sun-Li was wearing?

#377

⇓

- White tank top. - A white tank top.

#378

⇓

Exactly. I thought we could talk Charlie into having her enter

#379

⇓

the wet T-shirt contest. - Yeah, yeah.

#380

⇓

We'll tell him it's all a part of Dee's talent show.

#381

⇓

Right. When she jumps up on the stage,

#382

⇓

we'll blast her with the water. The crowd will go crazy.

#383

⇓

The other girls are gonna want to join in.

#384

⇓

And we will save the bar. And then she'll break up with Charlie,

#385

⇓

ruining any hopes for happiness that that son of a bitch ever had.

#386

⇓

I agree with the first part. But the second part seems incredibly harsh.

#387

⇓

- That's the best goddamn part! - Look, you guys deal with that.

#388

⇓

I'm gonna go take care of Mr. Kim.

#389

⇓

- Yeah, what do you want... - Boom!

#390

⇓

- What the hell is this? - Oh,

#391

⇓

only Mr. Kim's secret microbrew recipe.

#392

⇓

It's in Korean. What am I supposed to do with this?

#393

⇓

Maybe I can get Sun-Li to translate it for us.

#394

⇓

Sun-Li? Hi. Could you read this for us, please?

#395

⇓

Okay.

#396

⇓

"Bony American is dirty, dirty whore.

#397

⇓

"She bring much shame to herself and country."

#398

⇓

Great. Good work, Dee.

#399

⇓

You really topped yourself this year, Sis.

#400

⇓

Charlie, can we talk to you for a sec?

#401

⇓

- You whore? - Mm-hmm.

#402

⇓

Good. (sighs)

#403

⇓

What you want?

#404

⇓

I'm gonna have to ask you to shut this place down.

#405

⇓

I am shut down. Look around, you jerk! No one here.

#406

⇓

Yeah, I was kinda wondering about that. What's up?

#407

⇓

My daughter, Sun-Li, she is missing!

#408

⇓

- Korean broad? - You seen her?

#409

⇓

Uh, no.

#410

⇓

Oh, she no come home last night!

#411

⇓

Well, I'm sure she's gonna come back.

#412

⇓

She probably just met some guy.

#413

⇓

What you talking about? You sick freak!

#414

⇓

Sun-Li only 12 years old!

#415

⇓

- What? - She just 12-year-old girl!

#416

⇓

Oh, shit!

#417

⇓

Attention, everybody. Hey, attention.

#418

⇓

Our first contestant hails from North Korea.

#419

⇓

That's right, North Korea, everybody.

#420

⇓

She's gonna be doing something or other.

#421

⇓

And then we're gonna blast her with water from a hose.

#422

⇓

It's gonna be great, right? You're gonna want to stick around for this.

#423

⇓

And listen, ladies, if you wanna get in on this action,

#424

⇓

please do not hesitate to do so.

#425

⇓

Okay, take it away. (giggles)

#426

⇓

- All set. - Uh, wait a second.

#427

⇓

You're gonna blast my fiancée with water,

#428

⇓

exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?

#429

⇓

- Yeah, man. Is that cool? - That's very cool.

#430

⇓

Awesome. All right, Sun-Li, hit it!

#431

⇓

#Oh, Great Leader We come to enjoy you

#432

⇓

#You make sun and moon In the sky

#433

⇓

#The earth is spinning Because of your laughter#

#434

⇓

- She's bombing. Blast her. - All righty.

#435

⇓

All right, everybody! Three, two...

#436

⇓

(gasps) One!

#437

⇓

- Oh, God! What are you doing? - Come on, Frank! Son of a bitch!

#438

⇓

- The wet T-shirt contest is off! - Why?

#439

⇓

- She's only 12 years old! - What? (murmuring)

#440

⇓

- You're just 12? - Twelve, Charlie!

#441

⇓

- Oh, shit. - That actually explains a lot.

#442

⇓

Where are you guys going? You guys don't have to leave!

#443

⇓

No, stay, drink! We didn't know she was 12.

#444

⇓

(clamoring) Goddamn it!

#445

⇓

- Well, there goes the pub crawl. - Oh, son of a bitch.

#446

⇓

- Well, I feel better about myself. - Why?

#447

⇓

Uh, all I did was sleep with a toothless, oily busboy for a recipe.

#448

⇓

- Charlie banged a 12 year old. - No, I didn't.

#449

⇓

- What? - I didn't even kiss that girl.

#450

⇓

- Like, nothing happened. - Really?

#451

⇓

Yeah, absolutely. I can't believe you banged a toothless busboy.

#452

⇓

(guys chuckling)

#453

⇓

- Those goddamn North Koreans. - They are some sneaky bastards.

#454

⇓

- Yeah. - Yep.

#455

⇓