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Home » Bad Thoughts » S01E04 — Love

Bad Thoughts

Season 1, Episode 4 — Love

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Bad Thoughts
Episode title: Love
Air date: May 13, 2025
Directors: Rami Hachache, Jeremy Konner, Tom Segura
Top billed cast: Tom Segura
A French love affair takes a turn. A woman’s last wish blindsides her husband. A routine flight goes from turbulent to terrifying.
Source: TMDB
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But first, my sister.
sister
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e0354ef6-e141-42fc-be07-78ee6bde04f3.gif
Is she coming or... Is she here?
coming
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8657ccb5-3580-4cfd-b72b-c13174285e2b.gif
Ohh!
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00039bfb-0723-4998-908e-9f4f93922313.gif
No! Fuck!
fuck
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2cde9367-c540-4038-af77-fa03f589ef9a.gif
Who is this?
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c4ddade3-3482-442f-9860-facf6f1e30cc.gif
- What is that? - Very nice choice, Kati.
choice
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- What in the fuck is coming out of you? - Strong man.
comingfuckstrong
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70be3919-2c6c-4900-a183-761beedcdf13.gif
I can't wait to have a taste.
taste
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9698e771-a0d3-4d34-9e6d-6501a71d02da.gif
You don't want me now, do you?
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81a4fe79-f0a5-4e65-824d-ea11ae298fc6.gif
No.
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d9c9b148-7f39-4beb-9ea0-3dcaa75badd6.gif
I mean, yeah, yeah, I do.
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cc0f1cfa-5d50-4546-98b3-41eacb63c958.gif
I do, I'm really horny. I just...
horny
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3ae3fa31-7e84-40df-b17f-c17293f62659.gif
You're so beautiful.
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997a0075-883f-412a-86a9-a04d162a94d2.gif
Okay.
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1e610f0a-25b0-484d-9864-d86b64996122.gif
Do her first and then me.
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aa8a82ea-bcb8-41dc-94f0-2e668552456a.gif
Okay?
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5584fb88-2939-4ab6-9de0-ae5bda0ca19d.gif
Monsieur. Monsieur.
monsieur
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94fecf0e-370d-463b-b6f4-52b2a805e7bf.gif
Use the backdoor. She likes it.
likes
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4f2ca684-ec27-4306-88a4-622caa6a8428.gif
Don't talk to her.
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e097d067-d98f-4fae-9f6c-a6a9382c2cdd.gif
Come over here.
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fe766a6a-e7d2-4970-890b-4250382b37a0.gif
Fuck me, big boy.
fuck
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03b31d10-a668-424a-9e99-35f567bf09ad.gif
Yes! Fuck her.
fuck
↓
1e31351f-191a-4751-b9c4-249b980b426c.gif
She wants you.
wants
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4f965982-be48-41d7-abd3-c794dd116f75.gif
Okay.
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a9ae6ef4-c6dd-4c8d-8258-5127be55901b.gif
Okay.
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aa1ce936-0389-4cb2-9b2d-5f39e8ea1693.gif
Yes.
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59a153ca-1a6c-43f7-a8da-7c0aaff459aa.gif
Okay.
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06642029-ca56-4c83-918b-76c4b1fd76fa.gif
Go get her.
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1d626d71-e0d6-4343-818e-0e34352bedea.gif
Okay. Yeah.
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eb380718-f01a-4b3d-93ac-c1346e9680b4.gif
Yeah, her first.
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caa4b8dc-c578-487e-948a-7cb97cf4b241.gif
Bonsoir, Monsieur.
bonsoirmonsieur
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e572760e-3da2-40e3-a811-655e26806bae.gif
Bonsoir.
bonsoir
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b7bc2e7f-389e-4fa3-9c49-f1164554e3ca.gif
Your French is fantastic.
fantasticfrench
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63b02b1a-9dec-4572-ab32-d9c3dca59967.gif
It arouses me that you are a world traveler.
travelerworld
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0e17149e-5ef9-499a-b6c0-5b0f3f8acf4f.gif
Merci.
merci
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1b17d008-f7e8-4cc0-9b59-ee57f7cce0a6.gif
Drop your pants and fuck me now!
dropfuckpants
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68aebe33-9d34-4ed4-95c2-7b5eb4ae3f01.gif
- Okay. - It's my turn.
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2bc65eb7-5d26-4c32-b2ca-1f2d52b2974b.gif
Put some butter on that baguette and shove it in my ass.
buttershove
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f16f3ade-36a6-4b0b-9d93-7ea05318a5b9.gif
Mmm...
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558bc6a5-9ddc-4e4e-898a-c1dfb5788591.gif
Now,
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16c48797-e1ea-4128-8477-e3f470b353cb.gif
get it hard.
hard
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3f8f8572-447c-4682-8400-f98efed4e359.gif
Shove it in my tight little ass.
shovetight
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2df8e5af-85f7-4564-b5c9-6e0b63e4063b.gif
Give it a good tug like you're starting a lawn mower.
lawnlawn-mowermowerstarting
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21522ced-ddb9-4a4e-b6c2-5a79209bb2a0.gif
Yes! Tug, tug, tug.
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86ed832d-079f-4744-b0bf-060de52ca8df.gif
Big and hard.
hard
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21b064e4-5efc-4259-863a-0eb75b38291d.gif
Your peepee is not going to grow?
grow
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c5241cc3-1ebe-4672-9280-2e6d254e0a4a.gif
I'm trying, man.
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fef5f8aa-52a6-4cee-9f57-d57cf7e6a8fd.gif
- You've never had sex before? - That's not what it is--
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72580c11-dbb5-4435-8e36-965f48beb48d.gif
Kati, you have to bring a man who's ready to fuck.
bringfuckready
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2f91a40c-779e-4c86-87d7-ecfbf286d640.gif
Your boy's not even hard.
boyshard
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d8e511cd-bf2b-4eae-8045-0dd3452aea68.gif
Pull harder.
harderpullpull-harder
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eafeca73-da0a-4b2b-98ed-6f1701c2d521.gif
Fuck.
fuck
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9f0d3472-1b8f-4259-aca8-8dffe56e5aef.gif
Sorry, I...
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1ba8bf5c-cc7c-40b5-9fd2-eb4ec41cd554.gif
You're not going to?
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f91ee456-fe57-4115-8ecd-3a5d1de0d7cc.gif
I'm sorry. I'm just having a little--
having
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249d2599-1d70-4b92-b233-5bd0811cae55.gif
Do you need a little help?
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947da999-5e15-4b9b-83b7-984462ca5c68.gif
No, no, I'm having a little trouble back here.
havingtrouble
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9d315788-7f9d-41ca-bccb-13767158f100.gif
Put it in my mouth.
mouth
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e7853092-8096-4f1f-af4f-a3252b4efb71.gif
No, no, no. That's okay.
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53ea5c0f-59b9-452c-8cb3-7c7a96efc38a.gif
- Oui. She loves it. - Put it in my mouth, baby.
babylovesmouth
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aa3fd856-72a4-47d3-8c41-fe4849d515aa.gif
- In her mouth? - Oui. Put it in her mouth.
mouth
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b600b3fc-190f-454f-8316-5b7169f97c9f.gif
It's so special for her.
special
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35346e9b-9b52-4563-9bbd-f7074638a725.gif
Climb up here and put it in my mouth.
climbmouth
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9af2e713-9bea-4d15-a3a1-833b1a3e290e.gif
Can I put it in your mouth instead?
mouth
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bc021545-15d0-406c-971e-a47ad864e2d7.gif
Do her first.
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756b9f15-f2c8-404b-a930-98e39d00195a.gif
Then, oui.
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69144676-2f79-4c84-aba1-e4f878ff8eb8.gif
- I'm much better at oral... - Oh, my God.
oral
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2afdb46a-f7c4-451c-b321-c1faa5f6143b.gif
...than Kati.
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4dbda9cd-5acc-4f1e-9972-5d59d53248da.gif
- I love it in my mouth. - Fuck.
fucklovemouth
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720858d6-17d0-43ea-896d-8378394b69d6.gif
Feeling it change in my mouth.
changefeelingmouth
↓
5ef86edc-009b-45e7-b95a-f917fa3cbed8.gif
It's exciting.
exciting
↓
ab4274c3-05a6-4102-988e-b4828d9bcfdc.gif
Mount me, big boy.
mount
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0fce740c-b2e4-45a2-85c2-c64ba7c48ca8.gif
Step over the back.
step
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20b4aa41-b2e2-4727-b045-861e8f5cb1fa.gif
And lower yourself into my mouth.
lowermouth
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ec8d16ae-502d-4a4c-9ea3-3ef746538655.gif
- In the mouth. - Come in my mouth.
mouth
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3ae85f45-5258-4f7e-8f2a-0a02f5a0a1f5.gif
Oui, oui, Juju. You got this.
juju
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c052c2d3-51bb-489c-b6c5-ce37d6dc2bba.gif
Little, little.
↓
11463c99-0228-442b-a5de-19d65234e56d.gif
Oh, fuck. What am I doing?
fuck
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73f8663b-04b3-487e-aeca-72b6a17a4dd2.gif
I can't wait for my turn.
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b1f4afd5-c50e-4bbb-ae49-c57a875c167b.gif
Me too.
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b792ba1b-2ebe-4956-9cfd-ea517be380e8.gif
He's growing in my mouth.
growingmouth
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0a9f9f3b-f91d-4c70-8cea-31745348fb9b.gif
Okay. Okay.
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49717c0f-2748-4bac-943f-e09a891003a3.gif
I'm ready, I guess.
ready
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b5f13c2d-2d22-4bd7-a5d8-4c3aa9e295d3.gif
- Okay. - Don't come in my mouth.
mouth
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3826c559-4f97-41ba-83cf-37bd1144e925.gif
- Save it for my ass. - Jesus.
jesussave
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d12328f6-1b33-44af-82b7-56a12a9e532f.gif
You're so tasty.
tasty
↓
f8c5b862-37e8-42e8-b35e-65042208771c.gif
- Fuck me. - Oh, God!
fuck
↓
456c86ec-4f1f-488f-a570-f15d7750f848.gif
Oh, yes. Not just the head.
head
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b54309aa-f861-4feb-8f84-b7555c26014e.gif
All the way.
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4be0058a-47ec-46c8-aa37-c8c6954ddcb4.gif
God!
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868ac4b3-0060-4738-9f37-a8f89f4c9f2a.gif
Oh, that feels good.
feels
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91dcaedb-3c2f-40f1-9504-4f347fdfd4e7.gif
Juju!
juju
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96a1e710-0d92-4284-803e-fec8d51147a7.gif
Fuck me harder.
fuckharder
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9ed6bbc3-eff6-4d82-9dd0-bcc63d6ccf94.gif
Yeah, Juju, like that.
juju
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708f7509-6bb4-4659-b7c1-b5bfd238b963.gif
- Fuck me, you pussy. - Oh, my God.
fuckpussy
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c60f4374-b791-4188-bb37-f026beac823a.gif
Oh, my God!
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29c654c5-62ab-41ba-89cc-f6a7c6a5e2dc.gif
Please stop talking.
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9a6a69cb-bf6e-42f6-a893-4cbb43018a42.gif
No, you stop talking and fuck me!
fuck
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4cc688aa-82f3-4638-b0fc-a80e6021cc94.gif
- She loves it. - Good.
loves
↓
835a5c54-a791-4632-9df3-27056bb1b62c.gif
She hasn't made love in years.
loveyears
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eec8a4b3-f559-43dc-8d65-86ecdbdecda1.gif
Ohh, I'm so lucky.
lucky
↓
70782818-ab10-49d0-8d7f-30f8878ad339.gif
Take me.
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9e712e39-c88f-43a7-80eb-145f9086fa2f.gif
I can't wait for you.
↓
3234c49e-4b00-4622-a3d3-8167107053f7.gif
Oui. Ma soeur.
↓
563d9e2e-8915-4828-84a2-44fbd291ed9f.gif
- Are you going to come? - No. God, no.
↓
9b5af1de-c169-4d85-b7fb-1167e9212e2e.gif
Wait.
↓
dbbe2ef6-3732-4161-a659-701e5309ed2b.gif
I'm going to come.
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5220ceb1-8ed6-4d3f-a038-a3015f2694d0.gif
- Oh, fuck! - Oui!
fuck
↓
f26faf5c-550a-44de-87bb-817fbf5babc1.gif
You go, girl!
girl
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8b7c4d33-a396-4bb5-8828-5b306f1a121e.gif
Is she okay?
↓
6d81e765-7871-420b-9bbf-59725561edcd.gif
Oui. Juju, you did it.
juju
↓
025b0b47-30cf-4e72-8351-987c05e89082.gif
Yeah, I guess I did.
↓
6cd018c1-968a-422e-be0c-ade248a25966.gif
She's so happy.
happy
↓
7bd65550-5fbd-44dc-a399-0d254a923fde.gif
That's nice.
↓
58376af5-f428-4e11-8588-126683eaecc1.gif
Uh...
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231233b0-5844-4591-9b20-e50c973589e4.gif
Can we go now?
↓
5f5e6390-133c-44c9-b11b-d6f149a1cb32.gif
Oui.
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4df99bb3-4f14-4a14-a1df-96d3df5ffd14.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
e83d2b97-921f-414c-94f5-25837aa04a11.gif
Ignore her.
ignore
↓
c571845d-8073-4745-abd5-82d3354471dd.gif
Gladly.
gladly
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481427c8-5c5b-440b-adbe-6cbdcc5d0729.gif
Oui...
↓
c5d887bc-4f18-4c7f-b333-8680d7b931f4.gif
Fuck me harder!
fuckharder
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c6129ba7-0b6d-4461-b13b-9f358a53999c.gif
Oui, that's it! That's it!
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a2ce3642-3137-4c0a-afe9-ecb6d5a2f851.gif
Good boy.
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47d42652-6c50-4a78-b801-e7bf6fe12d06.gif
Hey!
↓
540b4c26-58f6-4d19-b5a3-20c6f99b49ec.gif
Suck my big toe.
suck
↓
26484fcc-1396-4c27-b99b-336a6376b578.gif
Your big toe?
↓
96347763-8415-4f08-9558-62b23bd29ea0.gif
- Yes. - Okay.
↓
d1a85b0e-d131-44d0-934d-8d1fed1a28c6.gif
Okay.
↓
29accdd5-aef0-4ced-9cbd-47df88c761ef.gif
Ah, that's it!
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855adbe8-f5b5-4824-8154-13c8a8a156fa.gif
Just like that.
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721b9ebb-f7c6-41f3-a86c-2bac3885550e.gif
Hey, that's my toe, baby!
baby
↓
e4049725-349b-4e48-a803-cfa79063944b.gif
Oh, fuck! What...
fuck
↓
450feb21-a0dd-47d5-b6a2-122b60fb2361.gif
You're not a nice person. Nobody in this town is!
nobodypersontown
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009a0304-5101-44f3-babc-f1afb9a61f78.gif
Where are you going?
↓
b51dfbf3-3ef0-4e48-8303-207d5e4656f8.gif
Come back here, Donkey Dick!
dickdonkey
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8ded2fe3-29a5-425b-a249-ae5fc4481df6.gif
Love.
love
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247757a3-afe1-495c-9081-199d66a1151d.gif
It fucking sucks.
fuckingfucking-suckssucks
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dda584c3-2e38-43e1-95b4-4ee2311b3e23.gif
But it takes a little while to learn that.
learntakes
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5da686c3-0187-4749-9e7e-84e08782a3f4.gif
Ah, young love.
loveyoung
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4e213cef-3fd2-48e7-be44-57c87a6637a1.gif
Enjoy your first dry tug, young man.
enjoyyoung
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2a2962f1-8a02-47f0-a5ca-6aa905a455b4.gif
Hm?
↓
f11c2c44-a52a-4d92-a28e-61b9402faa4a.gif
You can't choose who you love,
chooselove
↓
0b6dae14-dfa5-492d-b304-16da432c1d99.gif
and you definitely can't choose who loves you.
chooseloves
↓
2d43c654-ebb2-4b8e-b5a6-7d9319187b34.gif
Wonder if they're together again.
wonder
↓
1b83796d-00d0-452e-8c22-048095c9d850.gif
They're not.
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209f4b0e-94ab-4591-9126-99042d8cfdd2.gif
He's in hell.
↓
e9417be5-ca0f-41a8-9d76-9474061b7d0b.gif
I love stories about love.
lovestories
↓
f9c3f03a-ed0f-4cb5-a8d6-34a5f0609b3f.gif
And that's because I have a heart twice the size of a normal person.
heartnormalnormal-personpersonsizetwice
↓
463a2ff4-9e8e-44be-ba2a-16c225d50f40.gif
It's called cardiomegaly, and it very well might kill me.
calledkillmight
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c96845f8-502d-4bdc-a3a3-f500beaf0437.gif
I can't wait.
↓
15a56838-9506-4029-987f-0bd866cd699c.gif
I love you.
love
↓
cc8520d9-dbfb-4724-b723-9e34f5128ee0.gif
I love you so much.
love
↓
ee3cea17-bfd7-40cf-837e-857e807288fd.gif
Are you feeling okay?
feeling
↓
e6819056-c801-4c11-946b-66b84c8f31ef.gif
Yeah.
↓
5fbbfc28-e7eb-4c4c-a3d2-abdf4cea5027.gif
The meds are working really well.
medsworking
↓
469f76a5-a8e8-452b-92d9-85e2b4f1b05d.gif
- Good, good. - The kids are coming later?
comingkids
↓
2e7f41c5-48dc-47d9-9192-1cb923712b08.gif
- They're coming, yeah. - Okay. Good.
coming
↓
404c997a-6050-458b-960b-e5156bd8e389.gif
Sarah, Carl.
carlsarah
↓
3ffd6291-278f-4454-8f69-3355e5a99559.gif
This is Lilly Weiland. She's from the Last Wish group.
grouplillywish
↓
3a1088c6-824a-44b8-bcf2-db04dcbce026.gif
I'll leave you to it.
↓
842cbd1d-ab4d-4899-8464-96855c3fd74e.gif
You must be Sarah.
mustsarah
↓
2b502418-8825-4a1d-b0cd-c89550299f37.gif
Hi. And you are?
↓
353759ed-3273-4f9a-9b01-ef156c40769f.gif
Oh, I'm Carl. I'm her husband.
carlhusband
↓
619ce3b9-be20-4fd4-ae1d-bddb212b4104.gif
What's the Last Wish group?
groupwish
↓
0deff58a-08df-48f7-b3e8-b593a23fca24.gif
Well, uh, we do our very best to deliver wishes.
bestdeliverwishes
↓
013b30f9-a410-434a-9c7c-0b43495a42c4.gif
Bucket list experiences for people like Sarah.
bucketbucket-listexperienceslistsarah
↓
76ae0500-bb33-4628-a5c6-166bf778c4ad.gif
Oh, my God, that's so awesome.
awesome
↓
5dfe6453-6eca-4c67-a90e-c846e0d68799.gif
You're still full of surprises.
fullsurprises
↓
335a24be-620f-4900-8b5d-e225c6fc67b8.gif
Oh, God, you two are so cute.
cute
↓
677ce0cc-a38f-46df-b1b7-de72824c8acf.gif
Oh, well, I hit the jackpot with this one.
jackpot
↓
66af7422-4654-40e6-a87c-70bc319665dc.gif
He's the Popeye to my Olive Oyl.
olivepopeye
↓
108784fe-d827-4996-876b-bcc1a7aef0b2.gif
- Right? - Yeah.
↓
985cd7f3-b865-4b5a-b6e2-641ec3dcf795.gif
I'm sorry.
↓
a429935a-c3e0-4113-914f-a1eb40544851.gif
What's your wish, honey?
honeywish
↓
b91ed940-6afa-4fc4-9b3b-2878b3435a33.gif
Well, Sarah did not make it easy on me, but I love a challenge.
challengeeasylovesarah
↓
0c9a43af-6c84-4d66-8408-7969bb32d14f.gif
It's Sergei, isn't it?
sergei
↓
a5680fd7-154e-458b-85b7-bde8d77c8724.gif
The violinist?
↓
4243d324-7aa2-4e07-bab6-4453ea08f92c.gif
She wanted to see the symphony one last time.
symphonywanted
↓
3ec261ba-10e3-4996-ad99-5d59745690b0.gif
It's not that but...
↓
d7f4546d-2c38-465b-8dda-45d7e76f74d5.gif
Is it Chip and Joanna Gaines from HGTV?
chipjoanna
↓
d981bd74-886c-461c-820d-46d5cb338e29.gif
Maybe Maroon 5 Adam Levine.
adam
↓
01eb3317-d7ec-4751-945c-1bea402dccd1.gif
Wait, it's...
↓
f95455f2-f04c-418b-ad41-31df22a86d99.gif
Barry the Sandwich Guy on TV.
barrysandwich
↓
9ef0f44c-5409-48d4-8c55-cbaa4ccfae1a.gif
How are you doing, bud?
↓
36396530-0bd7-488b-ab06-16b6880ab290.gif
Um, so your last wish is a Hoagie?
hoagiewish
↓
48d7f24e-e8c9-46fd-83b5-fbf6d6b841ed.gif
Well, that and other things.
↓
c9903728-cf4f-42f2-8281-a0c92ee735a7.gif
Her wish includes a turkey and provolone club
clubincludesturkeywish
↓
95e2cb73-9b77-43f8-aa47-173cf8cd2ff3.gif
- from the Hoagie Hut. - Bestseller.
hoagie
↓
5247ed87-78b6-4d29-85ca-e39ae42cc5d7.gif
A bag of sea salt potato chips.
chipspotatopotato-chipssalt
↓
6101120f-f2ff-4ee2-84e8-db8fdbbaab3b.gif
As requested.
requested
↓
0284d5e0-b8ac-4457-b9fe-51221635823a.gif
And for Barry,
barry
↓
b816373e-64ab-4090-8c06-4ffb4bfb9bd0.gif
the manager of Hoagie Hut...
hoagiemanager
↓
de25f971-fe99-4ec7-9bea-2d02aafc1469.gif
Owner-operator.
operatorowner
↓
ba035e31-0771-4449-ab1d-7d024f4015d8.gif
Owner-operator to...
operatorowner
↓
6b480200-b6b0-4b38-8738-3106580453d4.gif
"Fuck every hole and fill me with this big boy jizz.
fillfuckholejizz
↓
92fc1ebd-530f-4e39-aef5-d2e6963f4363.gif
I want big boy jizz, not little bitch boy jizz
bitchjizz
↓
b60b74d3-770b-4762-8b91-c7df362dd7f9.gif
to make me feel like a real woman, for once in my life."
liferealreal-womanwoman
↓
6f03531b-4e2d-40f6-aef5-f73a4c12b4ce.gif
Wait, wait, wait. What is this?
↓
0c64893f-6f10-40b9-b103-dfaff47ca17e.gif
Is this some sort of prank or something?
prank
↓
2b8da5ed-5a93-4908-8e98-55929c2fe797.gif
No, it's the real deal, pal.
dealrealreal-deal
↓
f77e1b05-692f-4f42-bd1a-5117cef7da29.gif
What's big-boy jizz?
jizz
↓
bc869b60-e5e6-4cfc-ba58-284737a3b059.gif
That's the only kind I carry.
carry
↓
675173e9-399b-496f-8d1b-fdc604accf03.gif
Hold on.
↓
7c0f86f8-dd0d-4ad8-ac45-3c0ff6cdf5b1.gif
I'm sorry. Is there gonna be a problem?
problem
↓
49a5e372-7a36-4514-80c9-c7269a802d6c.gif
- Actually, I'm sorry. There is a problem. - Yeah, there's a problem.
problem
↓
dc9e3ad1-1873-45f3-ba23-ede25fce95f8.gif
I think you missed the part about him dragging his nuts across my face.
draggingfacemissednutspart
↓
3bca2f82-52bd-4df0-9e90-5468a001bc2d.gif
What?
↓
4e0cd8ff-adcd-4ccd-9a4f-4c6d633b55bd.gif
Oh, God, I'm so sorry, It continued on to the next page.
continuedpage
↓
6e0b3b6f-12a8-4535-b192-e1917696df49.gif
"I want him to drag his nuts across my face..."
dragfacenuts
↓
20554d60-bcb2-4a6c-8feb-4920be3d994d.gif
- There it is. - "...fold me in half
foldhalf
↓
4a831701-579d-4cc0-a1ef-28c502d7ec70.gif
and make me his cum pig.
↓
51f7c442-e34f-4697-ab83-43e8d89b7018.gif
Shove my head in a trash can to snap my back..."
headshovesnaptrash
↓
78afe094-eb49-4c78-bea4-457c66686b18.gif
"Cum pig"?
↓
d3cdc403-b376-46fb-b36a-74d3d4ecc4f4.gif
"...and to fill me with this girthy meat."
fillmeat
↓
50762db9-9790-4107-82b3-994c7fefdc36.gif
Wait a second. Are you cheating on me with Barry from Hoagie Hut?
barrycheatinghoagiesecond
↓
3beaf02b-9458-4887-af51-f417f4370304.gif
- Whoa. No. - No!
whoa
↓
dbb70968-8fdb-47d9-8940-1782ff735b2c.gif
The guy we make fun of his billboards. He karate-chops his sandwiches. That guy?
billboardschopsfunkaratesandwiches
↓
04537207-154a-4e47-b980-0eca3df368c7.gif
Of course not. Of course not.
course
↓
b77f3435-9550-4aaa-8bac-dc411a7e7d26.gif
No, no, no, no.
↓
91f2c81a-7864-4cb3-a0ec-09728bb00537.gif
This is just a fantasy.
fantasy
↓
847948a6-b1e3-483b-97a7-a98c0581e454.gif
Fantasies happen in your mind.
fantasieshappenmind
↓
d648a70b-b914-4a24-af1b-aefccee363aa.gif
This is happening right now in this room.
room
↓
9616ff53-0f02-4329-bcfe-0f2494a65f4e.gif
No, it's like...
↓
b5d50369-6067-46c3-b68a-5a9d2d94fa84.gif
It's like last year when you went to the Masters.
masters
↓
ebfc5631-f350-4042-a3f7-20b048f68b16.gif
This is not that at all! That was golf.
golf
↓
eee17e4f-abaa-4c9d-bb11-49b642784826.gif
This is my golf.
golf
↓
ea35b23f-d188-4890-b865-9a101d485d95.gif
- You both like golf. - Shut up, Barry.
barrygolf
↓
ca2c626b-2e7b-44f9-8170-fb94eeea271e.gif
All right, Carl, let's just give them some space.
carlspace
↓
61938def-3a63-400d-a1c4-a55f87de83d4.gif
Excuse me, um...
excuse
↓
b31ec4c6-a1c7-4215-9e35-cf6595566064.gif
So my wife isn't mentally fit to make this decision, right?
decisionmentallywife
↓
38672d38-0fb2-4de3-a632-ce61ce4f563c.gif
Oh. This one is still as sharp as a tack.
sharptack
↓
4ac424d9-580a-4508-b563-7db77e1f7d1d.gif
Do not spit on my dying wife, man.
dyingspitwife
↓
c76691b1-0874-45d1-a6e8-8b6fdddbd853.gif
- Piece of shit. - All right, let me go talk to him.
piece
↓
5f012d63-6213-4e05-8771-2f12b55326f8.gif
You spit on her, man.
spit
↓
4035773e-5f7b-4dbc-983c-05c292f95c75.gif
Look, I don't know if I'm going crazy,
crazy
↓
b6be9b40-126e-4026-b580-34e56fe4ce66.gif
but it feels like you don't want me to fuck your wife.
feelsfuckwife
↓
ebfd57dd-ca08-4a95-bf70-b9e3cbc4b913.gif
That's correct.
correct
↓
685fa942-fb64-4c56-80fe-0b393635b955.gif
Shit.
↓
0bb6e96b-d40c-4d08-84a2-1eaa54e97546.gif
I've been holding this load for a week.
holdingloadweek
↓
33cf7aeb-567c-4e5a-af08-89292050767f.gif
- I don't care. - I lapped it up, Daddy!
caredaddy
↓
be74ba30-dd38-4654-8f1a-8fd93e94cb64.gif
Good girl.
girl
↓
5404e8fb-6931-4fd2-86cb-f9a91a6fea38.gif
You know, the thing is, man,
↓
d7061198-242b-4237-a89c-b8287ca584d8.gif
I think you're just kind of looking at the situation wrong.
lookingsituation
↓
e6acb576-aed0-461f-ad7e-e9968c7b62fe.gif
It's about perspective. You know what you are?
perspective
↓
34df0906-703b-464d-99ce-e4323145d9bd.gif
- What? - A ham and cheese sandwich.
cheesesandwich
↓
73f0465a-1cbe-4aaf-a074-de7b34983992.gif
They're good. It's good bread, it's good ham, it's good cheese.
breadcheese
↓
99aa8f8a-43f1-4123-8a4c-45bca52ebc64.gif
But you can get it anywhere, any day.
↓
bd036ab2-6746-4dde-bd56-ca27fa32926f.gif
And I'm over here.
↓
c732b975-5c06-437c-b9ea-43c26c493847.gif
I'm like imported specialty meats.
importedmeatsspecialty
↓
69a04660-3edd-4f6b-bedc-954c5f2f1b39.gif
Prosciuttos, and jamón serranos,
↓
9370d5a3-0138-4683-8c9f-b44e729a6e7f.gif
some Vietnamese pork belly,
bellyporkvietnamese
↓
dca7d3b6-7f4a-4b33-b729-e47e8a32e5ee.gif
bok choy, kare-kare.
↓
fe53d461-cf03-4da3-93df-6668c4cfd668.gif
I'm like a bánh mì.
↓
94b44af7-c224-4191-9283-6654c1b0205c.gif
You see that and you go, "This is fucking crazy."
crazyfuckingfucking-crazy
↓
e43a5bb6-ce51-4312-be7e-4a3c8e1f7118.gif
You get it?
↓
e2f5fe57-5d14-4e1a-b635-3165959b2a4c.gif
He gets it.
↓
6e169298-6183-4bea-b819-9d1a0b30599b.gif
All right. If I start now, I can come four times in an hour.
fourfour-timeshourstarttimes
↓
2de76c7a-ed11-41d5-a253-bdb53e99b8f8.gif
- Oh. - Ah, the first one is always quick.
quick
↓
3d27b1ab-e33f-4fcf-9ffb-1fa2f415cd7d.gif
I don't know why.
↓
5dfcd2d2-e86e-44c7-b24f-658f199b3fc3.gif
No.
↓
ecb85878-ea38-4f7b-9bc4-41e63c28201b.gif
No, no, no. Nope!
nope
↓
46ccb453-4e5b-4e72-93f2-cf39d3953484.gif
You can't do this.
↓
f9055834-df12-46d0-8f79-d9894c7fc73b.gif
You cannot do this!
cannot
↓
f0c9b903-3476-4907-88c7-b6f042be932f.gif
- I already took the pill. - I'm sorry.
pill
↓
9628f7f5-485e-4294-9c1f-a261efcc7220.gif
Did I just hear someone deny a last wish?
denywish
↓
cda1633f-83eb-4fc3-8d26-5ca77188fe07.gif
Him.
↓
83b6a8df-0dfa-4804-8deb-5da166477866.gif
In my 35 years of medicine, I've never heard someone deny a last wish.
denyheardmedicinewishyears
↓
cc8583be-e236-40c9-9f26-f44803c7ff4e.gif
You're being incredibly selfish, Carl.
carlincrediblyselfish
↓
0e94fee3-c5fd-4665-b78d-1b7b2b20c9ef.gif
I'm selfish?
selfish
↓
b998dd73-dc04-4ff4-b52a-cc3ce32d7ff5.gif
Am I losing my fucking mind?
fuckinglosingmind
↓
43d91c5c-415e-4e45-b178-8bd8eb2bfbce.gif
You know, we can certainly have you evaluated
certainly
↓
680c14d7-cc06-48be-b6da-42ffc4e78c2e.gif
if you're feeling unwell.
feeling
↓
0a27702d-6cde-48e1-9a10-dc3755942e12.gif
That's a good idea, Doc.
idea
↓
8d066f32-9c93-4d5e-b5c1-ff76d4aeea79.gif
- That won't be necessary. - Good.
necessary
↓
e62b7463-e362-4768-8439-74c056e3797e.gif
- Okay. - All right, Carl.
carl
↓
1d28366c-46c9-4d56-9d4b-8ea9ea204e64.gif
- Let's get you out of here. - Come on.
↓
3cbcf913-3aeb-48a4-9ba5-2df5038f4af9.gif
You're not gonna wanna see this.
↓
cffa14d2-6195-41aa-8802-9213e28a4a2f.gif
I can't wait for you to try this.
↓
281dcbe6-ff3b-47d9-99fe-99ea798ce195.gif
I'm using a new mayo.
mayousing
↓
1aa0c4a0-d5d4-4f8f-ad2d-3429a7a3b39a.gif
Barry?
barry
↓
f0bb0571-ae4b-41c6-afc1-d6e206a94012.gif
Can you please use a condom?
condom
↓
e3a5db35-03c5-4172-8424-7f6fecfcfeac.gif
No.
↓
bafbf988-d57c-46a6-b40e-7a32154a9656.gif
Good evening.
evening
↓
d89bfa87-8b0d-4a86-8d18-c91a901c61ea.gif
This is your captain speaking.
captainspeaking
↓
b2d4eba7-dff2-4782-804c-17884461cfca.gif
We're at cruising altitude.
altitudecruising
↓
ee1ca99c-434c-4eaa-b834-20b91fabe83d.gif
In love?
love
↓
777bba24-3b4c-41f6-8ea5-e229f11b6622.gif
Excuse me?
excuse
↓
477dcc9c-cf15-48c1-b0ad-8d527cd84d9a.gif
You in love?
love
↓
420a0630-d7a1-450b-9392-1728c963f294.gif
Oh, no, it's for my wife.
wife
↓
54341c02-e0b7-4a55-953b-b7513695e71e.gif
You don't love your wife?
lovewife
↓
843f3d80-01ed-4d7e-a6a7-ff6906c10126.gif
Sorry.
↓
ce8653a5-9b8b-4a87-a613-96e9d70cd88f.gif
I meant yes, I love my wife.
lovemeantwife
↓
61383ed0-5f91-484f-a7d7-3b590cac93db.gif
Just...
↓
560936dd-4167-4f71-9bd8-3bf644227c8a.gif
I'm going home after being away for a while. That's all.
home
↓
a056d0a5-60e1-4318-bae1-9af9a450e0e3.gif
We good?
↓
e774d2f0-081e-4640-a4b2-34618033816f.gif
I feel like I know you.
↓
d3529579-c665-4dde-a0ec-0dfe6aecd66c.gif
Nah, you don't.
↓
4b6125ea-13bc-4603-a894-75c0b7a2b6bd.gif
Wait. Are you that comedian?
comedian
↓
6adbac12-8ac9-44fc-807b-7ab689ee9ae6.gif
No.
↓
4b423862-1d7a-4380-a9a2-599eeadcda34.gif
Bikes!
bikes
↓
58104409-9693-4596-8e4a-7ad90f4f371a.gif
Right! Tom Segura.
segura
↓
2d341d14-185b-4e26-8ba4-71139aa55167.gif
You're funny, man.
funny
↓
1c7c169c-a5fe-4b59-961e-dca2b76034f6.gif
- Bikes! Bikes! - Okay. Dude.
bikes
↓
01874ce0-b550-4b24-a63a-531ae4d69a16.gif
- Sir? Sir. - Yeah.
↓
8507e8cb-f895-4872-8572-efe925845d7a.gif
I'm going to need you to keep your voice down.
voice
↓
c21cda62-9e70-428e-b870-dd2383fd5799.gif
Me?
↓
156f433c-1b0d-41d8-98f7-eb47a2263b13.gif
Thank you for your cooperation.
cooperation
↓
247fdef6-a65f-419a-9788-b3b0be7236cd.gif
- I always yell that. Bikes! - Okay, thank you. Appreciate it, man.
appreciatebikesyell
↓
2e8d72b7-13f2-400c-afa4-df95c974cde5.gif
What was that other bit you had again?
↓
edd05197-9613-4181-b725-34b65ff2aa8d.gif
I don't know.
↓
3775d21e-d20c-4724-a012-e384dc681c43.gif
Oh, yeah, it's that calling someone a midget
callingmidget
↓
79469121-4730-4901-a236-55083e0ca7b4.gif
isn't as bad as calling someone a.
calling
↓
194aaf99-d420-4e17-a432-aa901a1b699c.gif
Jesus Christ, dude!
christjesusjesus-christ
↓
a0591bc1-73c2-4d2b-a5d2-e141b0b1b4a3.gif
- You can't say that. - What?.
↓
5273914a-ef67-4c79-8993-eeefa438160d.gif
- You shouldn't say that word. - But you did.
word
↓
96fcf00a-5964-4e92-8350-0dc0743f58cf.gif
- You said that in your act. - It was a joke from a long time ago, okay?
joke
↓
a2fcbb65-e084-4a28-8545-de368899147e.gif
Such a funny joke.
funnyfunny-jokejoke
↓
fe344304-9b75-4466-89c5-d0c85d45fb56.gif
The joke was about equating words that aren't equal.
equaljokewords
↓
316c96ec-8fce-4b63-841b-2fa6f8630a32.gif
Somebody said that they were,
somebody
↓
cacad167-35d2-490e-ac88-d5abfe3add6d.gif
and all I said was that saying the "M" word
word
↓
8f3b3bc1-3603-4151-a293-344de17c61fe.gif
was not the same as saying the "N" word.
word
↓
67fa1797-e1ff-4d68-a89f-7464f9af52fb.gif
But I don't say either in my real life,
liferealreal-life
↓
6e2bd59d-8305-47e6-954f-638a62abb65b.gif
and you're saying both right now very loudly, I might add.
loudlymight
↓
ee88eb45-2d73-4856-8918-5f5ff8976fb5.gif
The captain has turned on the seatbelt sign.
captainseatbeltsignturned
↓
438aef15-cbcd-4c2d-bafe-84d14f310d3c.gif
We're gonna have a few bumps.
bumps
↓
d4229445-8254-4976-8469-c9ac759d6fc5.gif
So let me get this straight.
straight
↓
0d0295e0-0d01-4c26-b778-ecbcaaab86a2.gif
Your argument is saying, "midget" isn't
argumentmidget
↓
918e200a-91da-4120-aedd-b867d55ff2aa.gif
as hurtful as saying.
hurtful
↓
e8a699aa-07d2-4f0a-a60b-0d2f8f8759f0.gif
Christ, dude!
christ
↓
e74fa85e-8efe-44ac-adb4-a0e87ac1087e.gif
Yes, sir?
↓
dceb8f11-2cf4-4d90-993c-8e67d7447493.gif
That man is very inappropriate.
inappropriate
↓
79c88492-9385-4b5b-8d6c-0d971a47ff92.gif
- He also hates his wife. - No, I don't hate my wife.
hatehateswife
↓
1b906ca1-e168-41a9-aeb7-c8777cc60ecf.gif
Sir, please do not make me ask you again.
↓
19e161e9-184b-4ca2-9901-d088cb43facf.gif
You really should not say that word.
word
↓
1a7ffa56-ab9c-4691-8ca2-7393913cea7a.gif
I'm sorry, which word?
word
↓
b33d8424-e2bd-4f03-9fb0-d78982187e39.gif
You know which one's off limits.
limitsones
↓
7a97d770-1efa-44c7-bb1f-6b829338268d.gif
- I do not know. I say a lot of words. - We're talking about two fun words
funwords
↓
de6d399b-93a2-40f2-9de1-14f318d0fcef.gif
that you get to play with one and you don't get to touch the other.
touch
↓
4b0fb88c-f352-41c3-897f-7b75c6b5fb76.gif
What about me, Tommy?
tommy
↓
59e4e95c-d8e8-4a70-a18f-88060b4fa797.gif
What words am I allowed to say?
allowedwords
↓
1ba2d3fd-228c-468e-9a9f-e4d9fc2dd129.gif
You can say both.
↓
78cc72e3-bfca-4e80-8816-5f592090c410.gif
Both what?
↓
20d6daaf-f04d-4ea9-ba56-613e0b600578.gif
Both words.
words
↓
5e961c40-93e8-446d-8407-597edbe18804.gif
Both words that we were... He was saying. Out loud.
loudwords
↓
94478d29-01c8-4472-976c-b2cb370e5273.gif
Tell me what word.
word
↓
9e5b5df8-921e-4807-a859-cfbb0d57c701.gif
I can't.
↓
a7ab6154-170a-4ed8-82d7-f07eefa84be7.gif
Why?
↓
8d03acfb-9a3a-4809-b327-6bdcac35ff60.gif
'Cause... 'cause you're...
↓
a3d4cdab-127b-4003-9f71-128281dedb45.gif
I'm what?
↓
d2ff21c4-c5ee-4f88-9e50-b2e4030e6255.gif
You're both of the...
↓
5eec72a1-dd66-47ee-9fad-23135781b53c.gif
You fit into the different boxes.
boxes
↓
62504fec-d25d-45f6-a747-30cba9115db7.gif
He said I could fit into boxes now.
boxes
↓
16363556-7b2c-4bd1-b6a1-99614c00ade4.gif
Fitting in a box? We can fit in a box?
fitting
↓
5507b546-ef8b-4281-a952-ea730ca02547.gif
I'm calling it flying first class. This what I get--
callingclassflying
↓
25b25d47-2036-450e-a05f-20d1fb365413.gif
- I need an able-bodied volunteer. - Right here.
ablevolunteer
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So we're not able-bodied? Is that what you're saying?
able
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- I'm just trying to help. - Come with me, please.
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- You guys are nuts. - You're nuts, man.
nuts
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You saved my ass. Those guys--
saved
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Do you speak Spanish?
spanishspeakspeak-spanish
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Yeah. Fluently.
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- The pilots are dead. - What?
deadpilots
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What the fuck?
fuck
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How did this happen?
happen
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8e5fbfa5-c874-497f-93eb-2e56930e5756.gif
They were doing their pilot sex shit, and it got out of hand.
handpilot
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69b8d8ab-e210-410c-946d-83c546eb9753.gif
Pilot sex shit?
pilot
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97db3e8e-6ade-418e-8d1f-f00efa32dd75.gif
All pilots have sex with each other.
pilots
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b2145595-41bf-496b-bbc8-05cd20aa84da.gif
Why do you think Sully hit those birds?
birdssully
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9d2ca4c1-ad22-4643-b83c-2984729e60d0.gif
They left that part out of the movie.
leftmoviepart
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cc301d96-1a6b-4154-8716-3e2c4abfac81.gif
Yeah. Okay, we need you to land the plane.
landplane
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What?