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Home » Bad Thoughts » S01E03 — Family

Bad Thoughts

Season 1, Episode 3 — Family

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Bad Thoughts
Episode title: Family
Air date: May 13, 2025
Directors: Rami Hachache, Jeremy Konner, Tom Segura
Top billed cast: Tom Segura
A singer finds inspiration for a killer comeback. A school play that no parent could prepare for. An unforgettable night with extremely close sisters.
Source: TMDB
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Mmm! Well, would you look at that?
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You know, I wasn't sure if you were XXXL or XXXXL.
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Please, have a seat.
seat
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Sit down.
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This is nice, isn't it?
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Just a nice normal dinner.
dinnernormal
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Now... I'm sure you're wondering
wondering
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why I invited you into my beautiful home.
homeinvited
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Well, I have not been spoken to like that in a long time.
spoken
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And if I'm being honest... I was a little ticked off.
honest
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And then I got a big old boner.
boner
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Now I'm turned around worse than a woodpecker in a lumberyard.
turnedwoodpeckerworse
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So I'd like to hear some more.
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Byung Sung, take a walk.
byungbyung-sungsungwalk
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You're giving her the heebie-jeebies.
givingjeebies
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It's all right.
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I'm a little racist too.
racist
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Now, tell me what's on your mind.
mind
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Why are you doing this?
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Jesus Christ. It's pretty straightforward, Shelly.
christjesusjesus-christshellystraightforward
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I'm a global country superstar who's lost his mojo.
countrygloballostmojosuperstar
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I decided to kidnap my fans and force them to live in a poor people town,
decidedfansforcekidnaplivepoortown
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make them share their deepest, darkest traumas
darkestdeepestshare
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so I could put it in the hit songs.
songs
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- How the fuck do you not get that? - Oh, no, I get it.
fuck
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Oh, yeah, I get it.
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But it's not working anymore, is it?
anymoreworking
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How do you know that?
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19d3f9a9-e4be-4c5f-bf35-baa3e88f95f5.gif
I've been an honorary hen hound since I was eight years old.
eighteight-yearshonoraryhoundyears
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You know, you kind of remind me of an oyster.
oysterremind
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What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
fucksupposed
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I don't live in the ocean.
liveocean
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No, an oyster. It has a shell to protect it.
oysterprotectshell
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I think you had a lot of people around you who are too scared to tell you the truth.
scaredtruth
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Sometimes a grain of sand gets caught into an oyster
caughtgrainoystersandsometimes
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and it's uncomfortable and harsh.
harshuncomfortable
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But then sometimes that oyster takes that sand, and it makes something magical.
magicalmakesoystersandsometimestakes
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A sandcastle.
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A pearl.
pearl
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Wow. I like that.
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So you're saying...
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you're like my grain of sand.
grainsand
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I could be.
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fb19eb52-d258-40fc-bd01-f7f9b84ca104.gif
You know, um, oysters are like an aphrodisiac.
oysters
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aeb72e32-8b4a-46d0-baaa-4f1240126fe7.gif
Gets you all wet and horny.
horny
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fa857117-7dda-4519-b155-dbc577d81d23.gif
- Mmm-hmm. - I eat them all day.
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e3ec5dfa-28ba-4f1a-87f2-f5c61c7b5b42.gif
You don't need a fake town with poor people to exploit them for their trauma.
exploitfakepoortowntrauma
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52e907da-ecf7-4d6c-afc9-662c5177b492.gif
- Oh, I don't? - Mmm-mmm.
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4a851a5f-53ae-40ae-a1e3-021e50a7e8fc.gif
I think that you need...
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ec2afe8e-2bbe-40a5-b2c9-396f3d835bdb.gif
your own trauma.
trauma
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cf901a6f-b731-4beb-9b0e-7f10696ea09e.gif
What?
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Fuck! Ow! Fuck!
fuck
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Byung Sung! Byung Sung, I've been penetrated!
byungbyung-sungsung
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Shoot her in the face! Don't shoot her tits.
dont-shootfaceshoottits
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Byung Sung...
byungbyung-sungsung
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Please...
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c5f26081-ea0e-4cc4-a88a-115fb7789066.gif
don't shoot.
dont-shootshoot
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b4c496ed-8f76-4c99-bac4-0fb95275b6c6.gif
Do you understand?
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8f252ba0-26d0-42c9-8010-94e5f0d8ad28.gif
I ain't gonna hurt ya.
ainthurt
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You speak fucking English?
englishfuckingspeak
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I do.
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65accdf3-4a73-4d3d-b83e-e709e71a3bc8.gif
He makes us speak Korean.
koreanmakesspeak
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Nobody really knows why.
knowsnobody
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cca513ed-0e88-49e3-b386-3c26342512eb.gif
I guess it's just part of the gig.
part
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fe46c0ef-3431-4b6d-a160-f9ab79caff88.gif
- My real name's Jeff. - That's insane.
insanejeffnamesreal
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c530c30e-1f77-4748-a766-d164a3b9ac2b.gif
Yeah, it's a doozy, isn't it?
doozy
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ecc1df73-eabf-4876-8024-4f3d85b49e10.gif
I'm just a theater actor. All the guards are.
actorguardstheater
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1725a135-3575-41b9-a6b2-46e2becee169.gif
Rodrigo was in Hamilton.
hamilton
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97bd334a-2ca2-4e5b-be34-ad510d7d78ba.gif
There's a small town about ten miles that way.
milestown
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89f8d71c-25bc-4371-a4c2-68f871752dd7.gif
Head there now. Go.
head
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07917a04-4972-4d9f-91fa-1ae8e9381609.gif
Why are you helping me?
helping
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ca1302b4-aa4a-4bc2-b0e5-87f0cd311b5e.gif
Byung Sung's ruthless.
byungruthless
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1dc814c8-4219-4991-9bcc-1b3e33f38265.gif
But Jeff ain't. Go.
aintjeff
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402d0465-51ba-438e-b62f-5e3ec16c176b.gif
Go now!
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Thank you.
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Oh, my God.
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cd6a1929-fc42-4af0-8133-40d2de1915e0.gif
Darling, what the hell are you doing all the way out here?
darling
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- Thank God. - All right. It's okay.
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55f3af93-30e6-4e6d-aa2a-6d0648201ca1.gif
It's okay.
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8d41d682-352d-4150-91be-8fb6d150d2ad.gif
He kidnaps fans, he tortures them.
fans
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And then he buries the bodies.
bodies
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92471457-94ae-4ac3-84e6-700387f3665e.gif
Good God.
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6707444e-b968-41b6-b1f7-5404cdf2a776.gif
You're sure it was the Rex Henley?
henley
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Oh.
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7a3b4922-0e68-4902-9688-c92dfe38e2eb.gif
Yes, I'm pretty fucking sure.
fucking
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Okay, I believe you.
believe
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All right. Now, the sheriff is coming in right now,
comingsheriff
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and we're gonna do everything we can to make this right.
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- Thank you. - All right?
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It's over.
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Hey, speak of the devil.
devilspeak
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Sheriff.
sheriff
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546d2372-ea8e-468f-9e49-7f0f351fe80e.gif
How's the wife, Chris?
chriswife
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Pregnant again.
pregnant
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Should learn to pull out, you little rascal.
learnpullrascal
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No fucking way.
fucking
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93b19fff-e5fc-492b-9eb0-88837bef4cd0.gif
- I'll take it from here. - All right.
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83ec11dc-3a2a-48d4-91d9-36905ea6151c.gif
Let's go, boys. He's got work to do.
boys
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301ba61e-e11e-4fa7-90d3-0b8231bc9ed9.gif
Oh, no. Sit down, darling.
darling
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7dd5199b-8a89-4c8a-9f05-2cf651ea0ebd.gif
Found her! Come quickly!
foundquickly
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93529100-ec07-4116-aa2b-16a25363c257.gif
It's all right.
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53475873-3b28-439a-b854-a39f1b15116e.gif
I ain't mad at you. I like you.
aint
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I need you.
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efdc0009-6d02-48a4-8c8e-cccd8be0e784.gif
Turns out, you were right about everything.
turns
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94634deb-65ec-4509-ab59-de50925ee4b9.gif
I don't need 200 enslaved prisoners.
prisoners
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12936136-d552-43f1-bce4-4cfeb79a9efd.gif
I just need one abusive relationship.
abusiverelationship
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6a3c5781-7d1f-4bc6-bf99-1a92c42488c8.gif
You're my trauma.
trauma
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30bdbc22-8e70-454b-b027-fe6f37025897.gif
And I promise you, when I get home, I'mma dig me a big old hole
holehomeimmapromise
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and mow all those people down into one mass grave.
gravemass
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86e39efc-b41a-4b82-98a5-ec081305053f.gif
Plus, we're gonna save a fortune on shrimp.
fortuneplussaveshrimp
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You don't have to wash your hands so much. That's all because of you.
handswash
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0a795536-6552-439c-b6c5-0be0b3cac686.gif
You and I are not in a relationship.
relationship
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cd0249d4-0af5-42e7-a2dc-12b79dd4129d.gif
Oh, yes, we are.
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d9356ad7-5352-4be2-bb33-83b9c21e6e82.gif
You came into my life, you said a bunch of mean words,
bunchlifewords
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and then you left when I needed you most.
leftneeded
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3c7043b8-8cde-458a-b3e6-463bc1ee7b8b.gif
But you got me feeling alive.
alivefeeling
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05b7316e-b233-4e8f-a553-1a39444f6c22.gif
Brains firing. I'm all bricked up.
brainsfiring
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282b4448-4ed3-4dca-9c03-4257deaaa08e.gif
You're gonna stick around and help me write one more hit song.
songstickwrite
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64819200-580b-443d-a3ec-acc4ea0c56b4.gif
I'm thinking a ballad.
balladthinking
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ec549fb6-cdb6-4dc2-b467-a32f63d88e45.gif
Something about love and loss, about letting go.
lettinglosslove
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b77998b5-b1c8-4bdf-b105-3ef64a60bfe3.gif
Yeah, letting go.
letting
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8e589944-0e0a-4ff6-8cb5-df6f02e32824.gif
- And then maybe you can let me go. - Absolutely not.
absolutely
↓
589cca93-1781-42bd-8046-ca4844312530.gif
Because clearly, a breakup is not enough.
breakup
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8c1194f5-c599-4156-9492-57dfd9d700f1.gif
I need my heart ripped out, Shelly.
heartrippedshelly
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b2c84b5d-9a3e-425e-a69e-0bcfc079ce21.gif
I just need to lose one person I feel a real connection to.
connectionlosepersonreal
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It's not gonna work.
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dfa73934-147a-44f2-9659-97325fb1e821.gif
Why not?
↓
9d51c6b3-257e-46e3-8985-2795b6a666ea.gif
Because I'm just some girl that you met a day ago.
girl
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9d4038dc-ca2c-4870-990a-a85ea6ea072e.gif
We don't even have a history.
history
↓
69ce90c9-38fb-496e-add2-3e6798ca23e8.gif
There's no real loss at the end of this.
lossreal
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efba3db1-c650-407a-b304-b108da3b20e2.gif
I know you have someone in your life.
life
↓
c835ecca-c804-4927-9843-2dfec452100d.gif
Someone who matters. Someone who you loved.
lovedmatters
↓
f640a1a8-e1fe-48a0-a599-3b78f9443eee.gif
And...
↓
befa3dab-16c6-4f99-a34f-cfd5fdf983e9.gif
that's the person.
person
↓
6b566991-bda2-4802-a5ad-be0af6360eb6.gif
That's the person that can inspire you to write that hit song.
inspirepersonsongwrite
↓
3e4b9043-c864-4060-8b3a-513a872aeb74.gif
You...
↓
a7589eba-c375-44e9-82e4-377575bf10bd.gif
are fucking brilliant.
brilliantfucking
↓
715b4243-ef9a-44b3-ad54-84adc0d96b9d.gif
There is someone...
↓
afbf3e0f-76d7-490a-9719-4c2f4ed9505c.gif
Oh, no.
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d6f87ef3-90dc-4087-a3a1-fc1575a436e4.gif
Byung Sung!
byungbyung-sungsung
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00b390cd-a3b2-4342-8ddb-fbba5094f96a.gif
Oh, no, no, no! Byung Sung! Oh, God, my brother.
brotherbyungbyung-sungsung
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c4a77b29-ce26-4270-836a-cd8621bee194.gif
Why, God? Why would you take him from me?
↓
cd732a2b-85f7-4913-8f17-d09f0f08ddc7.gif
Oh, shit!
↓
394429ca-221c-471e-9b66-092f3636f005.gif
I feel all these emotions.
emotions
↓
6d8f016a-2252-45ee-b00e-6b0c5e868af1.gif
It worked, buddy.
buddyworked
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5cb6e8c8-e7f1-4b84-aef4-7635a9261792.gif
I feel it.
↓
8ff137e8-2015-42aa-97a2-6cc7c94cfe02.gif
I feel I miss you already.
miss
↓
195e97b3-0389-4ec9-93e4-c2df8ce0b431.gif
Oh, God. Shelly, it's working.
shellyworking
↓
85bc15ab-3954-40a8-b955-cb923e868752.gif
Look, there's real tears coming out of my eyes.
comingeyesrealtears
↓
2fed7c59-0c73-4533-8ac0-20106feba845.gif
I'm traumatized.
traumatized
↓
e3807af8-4c02-46dd-bd9a-7ee1adbfa662.gif
This was my best friend. Oh, shit!
bestbest-friendfriend
↓
7cad1ef5-2307-4391-912a-044b1430ab6a.gif
Oh! I get to use the hankie that you gave me.
↓
4aa3d158-6108-4dac-9cee-253c8767a591.gif
Look, it was made in Korea.
korea
↓
ed9be581-1d81-4d39-9cc8-1dbf0d072581.gif
I love you, my sweet Korean brother.
brotherkoreanlovesweet
↓
513fa04b-7a77-4b93-9b5e-305ad45912e7.gif
Rex Henley has a new number one album out.
albumhenleynumber
↓
76647ecb-c1c2-4913-a82e-37c6f21a3749.gif
Well, I guess officially, y'all, we got a hit album.
albumofficiallyyall
↓
3211a4ff-f1af-4027-9ac0-2bc9d0ca93d2.gif
Shockingly, this album is entirely in Korean.
albumentirelykoreanshockingly
↓
6f55b53f-7f69-48a3-9ab9-9911e309958c.gif
You've heard of K-Pop?
heard
↓
adb32b57-1af4-4264-bf3f-e843d1bc1134.gif
This is a Korean country. Would it be K-Cunt?
countrycuntkorean
↓
7a6710cf-16bf-4632-867a-2cb2996ead7a.gif
Whatever it's called, I love it.
calledlove
↓
9f835a18-aac9-4272-bbeb-9a5066fcff01.gif
Love you, Byung Sung.
byungbyung-sunglovesung
↓
32a0aed6-05f1-4d3d-8abe-34551ee29b4f.gif
Family.
family
↓
6093ef7d-a057-457f-91e8-f52214dc6a4c.gif
Love them or hate them.
hatelove
↓
49ebeabb-65bd-4045-bedc-e67fcfc44883.gif
You're stuck with them.
stuck
↓
0fc80370-681c-4968-a207-27a80b26807a.gif
Unless you're the Menendez brothers.
brothers
↓
9fe0d136-fa8e-4460-9178-5cc98cb27174.gif
They figured that shit out.
figured
↓
aca81c1f-fab0-49b9-accf-8a6e94f2c158.gif
Some families are happy, others are dysfunctional.
dysfunctionalfamilieshappyothers
↓
83455a69-06ee-45f5-9ff8-9048f59ffeae.gif
Some are even famous.
famous
↓
2dd9242c-ade5-408c-bd78-fd738bb8c9b7.gif
Like the Frankels.
↓
bf995801-a5bc-4438-8b9d-d6d78f4ad9d5.gif
Smile, everybody.
everybodysmile
↓
5ad95471-9c33-4cb6-bed2-2a4916bddba4.gif
Well, the Frankels are only famous in my town because there was a rumor
famousrumortown
↓
9e7dac15-e0a6-45d3-b2b1-ff7d0ada271f.gif
the dad got busted banging the family dog.
bangingbustedfamily
↓
134965af-42a8-450e-acfd-8ff8f852f584.gif
- What the fuck? - I knew it.
fuck
↓
4dbbe0e6-8ac8-49f0-af9e-8d99f4e549e5.gif
- I knew it. - You knew what?
↓
528e36f4-8f4a-4c83-b7d4-ec240dd17a66.gif
It was me. I started the rumor.
rumorstarted
↓
83bad24c-f14b-460c-aaeb-e389886b52f6.gif
So gather your families on the couch and watch these uplifting tales.
couchfamiliesgathertaleswatch
↓
77478174-c58d-4bfe-b984-9f78fc0b766b.gif
Or don't.
↓
a7779de1-2f36-4f05-b5b9-9eadcca13e36.gif
I really don't care. I'm just here to get away from my family.
carefamily
↓
8576d6aa-fe30-408e-ad60-8070bc6d6bce.gif
You're sick.
sick
↓
7d20097c-4d4e-408b-96b3-b11106735142.gif
Aww!
↓
1678978d-c0b4-4388-951c-229832984c91.gif
We love you, Grandma.
grandmalove
↓
d2b00c34-7069-4d08-8103-74aa455317f9.gif
- You came! - Yes.
↓
6490a6ab-80a0-4d56-8999-c3e990e034cc.gif
Aren't they just so wonderful?
↓
c689a404-675f-4c29-a9a0-a69e96ae238e.gif
What is this?
↓
4a61daa4-8815-4f7b-92d5-7b5440d12787.gif
It's what Stevie and your dad have been working on.
stevieworking
↓
1b2386a4-4491-42a5-b773-03a8be7c71ac.gif
- What? - Next up, we have Stevie Segura
segurastevie
↓
44b82cc3-07fd-4fd2-9373-07971d845d01.gif
telling a story of his grandfather, Wes.
grandfatherstorytelling
↓
70a37e36-73a4-4ad7-8884-6fd8da3c5d13.gif
- My dad's here? - Yeah.
dads
↓
65d262ee-0f62-4c55-801c-1b61e981d362.gif
And joining Stevie are several of his classmates.
classmatesjoiningseveralstevie
↓
0056b4ee-6f73-48de-a9da-7feb27712c8f.gif
Take it away, Stevie Segura.
segurastevie
↓
08c6bd5f-0f6d-44f5-b2ed-a21211434e24.gif
This is gonna be bad.
↓
01c84b84-6893-461b-b25e-be611da6cddc.gif
No, it'll be sweet.
itllsweet
↓
d09f4779-449a-4665-a28f-4b431b113fed.gif
My dad doesn't do sweet.
sweet
↓
e1f82008-9449-46b8-aa07-6eb0c82055d8.gif
Welcome to the suck, homos.
suckwelcome
↓
7f7a478a-6752-4bc4-af7e-cb4c36a1dbea.gif
Here it is.
↓
7ccbe72a-6418-4beb-87c3-33a31508ba72.gif
Jesus Christ!
christjesusjesus-christ
↓
6fd56433-d90d-41e6-87d0-1fb7015d3642.gif
When I asked for more marines, I meant ones that are ready to hump.
askedhumpmeantonesready
↓
4fde7488-fa30-4458-9c7d-578ab1f04866.gif
You sacks of shit don't look like you can play T-ball.
ballsacks
↓
7e2718ea-5b86-4ca3-9e7a-ec6ddccb5ed1.gif
- Wow. - Oh, my God.
↓
eb181123-946d-474c-b16e-719dacfd9bc2.gif
Gutierrez...
↓
5754939d-4f3d-4bb9-823c-1d6704137af1.gif
What the hell have you been eating, Gutierrez?
eating
↓
cbde12a3-5a0a-41c9-a992-3956beeaf254.gif
If your fat ass holds us up for even one second,
holdssecond
↓
a0a86d06-7046-4c13-a160-3041bab779f2.gif
I'm sending your ass back to Okinawa
sending
↓
848706c4-945f-4fab-8cb1-6238779e58b8.gif
faster than you can say, "Chuba me chimichurri."
faster
↓
bbccc288-52ff-4606-aef3-0281cf1fff42.gif
Sir, yes, sir.
↓
1d3dc0d4-70f9-49d1-9bd5-9d7c2dba2317.gif
Fat ass.
↓
38061a72-ee8d-4ec1-b666-c9ef8cbf3bc1.gif
Steinberg!
↓
6718cd0e-7331-431a-bdb4-9956be33c62c.gif
You're the first of your kind in my platoon, Steinberg.
platoon
↓
f77cc3f6-6816-42b2-ae05-c4369d4f2d17.gif
- You got a problem with that? - Sir, no, sir.
problem
↓
6e479cef-83da-4857-8d54-fdcae5e5362e.gif
Fall back and keep that nose tucked in before it gets caught in a tripwire.
caughtfallnosetucked
↓
09b74e31-e830-4c87-ae2b-afb162ee16fd.gif
That's my boy!
↓
a4644227-e0f7-435b-85ca-b6810f616601.gif
You know we have to transfer schools, right?
schoolstransfer
↓
6c0938bc-224d-42c2-a60e-b86f1ec716f2.gif
Of course.
course
↓
8ce4fe78-24e6-42ce-a756-5b99e94e2132.gif
Small, Reggie, put your reefer out and turn off your Motown boogie beats!
beatsboogiemotownreggie
↓
94646c8e-fed9-410e-8bc7-191feb4ecedd.gif
What the hell were you two clowns doing?
clowns
↓
aeeccadb-c2b0-48bd-b5a2-621d13058852.gif
Oh, you know, Lieutenant, just getting a little downtime.
lieutenant
↓
f1545901-19bd-4172-8743-321094ea5fab.gif
Are you two ever not relaxing?
relaxing
↓
cd86d4cf-76c7-4ee1-8d49-2c0e74ed9bfb.gif
- I'm gonna go. - Fuck. No!
fuck
↓
e9e5a4d9-0a6a-487c-8d1a-2bd5b009d354.gif
- We're in this together. - It's part of our culture, sir.
culturepart
↓
01907758-ef5e-4e4b-a147-2ce102906588.gif
We love to dance or just sit around.
dancelove
↓
2aef6aad-81ea-4a8f-a0a9-765b40733878.gif
Lazy.
lazy
↓
d8a9b539-4f56-4781-af4c-f9fbdda2e999.gif
Thank you for guiding us to be more than just
guiding
↓
61cdfac2-2833-458e-beeb-a14d5195d763.gif
a couple of Division-3 basketball players
basketballcoupledivisionplayers
↓
778becef-e257-4ba6-b873-7630d85aa122.gif
who had no real shot at the pros.
prosrealshot
↓
bb420274-e3d2-49af-ba5d-f2c4396440ae.gif
- You fellows... - I'm sorry!
fellows
↓
27a359c7-e8cc-485b-a0ed-804035bbffb4.gif
...tell Tyrone here how we operate.
operatetyrone
↓
bc7eea34-d9ab-44c6-b9cd-0743c445a977.gif
There's no shootin' Black talk and no jive talk.
black
↓
a5df4740-6feb-40b8-b424-e5cc3f9ed0f0.gif
We're not like this. I swear.
swear
↓
09a8aae0-a93c-470d-a05d-8e2663a44cdb.gif
We're here to do one thing and one thing only.
↓
1ab38038-5a40-458b-a4c5-a8b85e851e08.gif
Kill those two-faced rice-slopping commie bastards.
bastardsfacedkillrice
↓
d9c61722-1c9f-42c9-9639-9eafd455a68b.gif
'Oorah!
↓
25efed79-1b68-4469-906c-050eebbad77d.gif
Goddamn gooks.
goddamn
↓
0e0f168c-f735-4881-aff9-daf591b18205.gif
- How did he learn all this stuff? - By hanging out with my dad.
hanginglearnstuff
↓
f5aed495-28d1-4337-a254-2a6e0fa9f7ad.gif
Oh, it's a puppy.
puppy
↓
c5e34276-0241-4f61-9576-e46da5fb4af5.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
8c0aa9d5-e63e-4adf-af53-256d50c90d8c.gif
It's the puppy story.
puppystory
↓
87ffb73a-319a-49cc-94da-6e87d9db13d0.gif
Nobody wants to blow up a puppy, but I'll do anything to protect my men.
blownobodynobody-wantsprotectpuppywants
↓
c257558d-ae30-46bd-8f72-dcba886ff259.gif
I will.
↓
588ce870-2b88-4f74-a8df-df47eca37f5f.gif
Oh, shit.
↓
fb816870-4fe6-4b68-b0c7-186ab27b9c9e.gif
Is that a foot?
foot
↓
b3a4cb7c-8390-4252-a897-a21d67546004.gif
That's a nice touch.
touch
↓
a3c812fb-335a-4100-a989-c238b615da66.gif
There's no better feeling than killing the enemy.
enemyfeelingkilling
↓
9f8e63d9-7f9d-4d63-857e-a32c29c764cc.gif
- Nice. - Oh, my God.
↓
d5b7fb4c-6224-472a-96ab-4a96707be71f.gif
War is ugly, but necessary to ensure a better world for our children.
childrenensurenecessaryuglyworld
↓
943c20ec-33d3-42ed-8c5f-46641d4b5b71.gif
There you go. There you go.
↓
fced7fb6-785f-4771-b405-aea578164cf6.gif
Take my own son, Tom.
↓
6c46f619-08ca-4f48-a8dc-8f803928bacd.gif
- Tommy, stand up. - No.
standtommy
↓
cb2dbabb-8b61-4a3e-bafe-225c032d102a.gif
Get your ass up.
↓
83ef2ed5-fb1f-4e64-919e-bf8dc78b50de.gif
Tom has the freedom to do whatever he wants,
freedomwants
↓
2db3cc3f-320d-408a-88a2-5428025079b3.gif
but my men fought and died
diedfought
↓
7ac3cc5a-e3d8-4541-83e3-13b21f95a501.gif
so he could tell jokes, hang out with his Jew buddies
buddieshangjokes
↓
aa46ce6e-53a0-434c-85d5-7fa94c59534e.gif
and prance around like some Gypsy broad.
broadgypsy
↓
182faf2c-d643-43ae-a6d9-096d0335a894.gif
Did you know my son needs to inject testosterone into his body?
bodyinjectneedstestosterone
↓
60e6e4df-84fc-423a-b7bf-861c1dd87384.gif
What kind of man needs to inject testosterone into his body?
bodyinjectneedstestosterone
↓
9bbdeb18-4152-478d-9758-4c776548bc1b.gif
I'm 78. I had no problem putting lead into my pencil.
leadpencilproblemputting
↓
fa2cfb46-5a97-4608-aba3-ce7ac3b3bc2a.gif
No needles, no pills.
needlespills
↓
91c2685a-c004-4b08-8854-57d6ce563a8d.gif
Thank you.
↓
0917adb8-8800-4765-8b27-8c7a6bf54da5.gif
Attaboy. Attaboy!
attaboy
↓
06e99c30-59d4-46a2-9c71-454027732391.gif
- Jesus Christ. - I know. That was very...
christjesusjesus-christ
↓
1b170b33-be2f-464a-8b3c-49562351ba9a.gif
- Thank you... - Bad.
↓
47a7ea99-29c4-4ecf-a14f-2922f4ee4e5a.gif
...Stevie, and, uh, of course, Wes,
coursestevie
↓
2624f192-cc6a-4857-a2af-66753e1fcba5.gif
for that interesting lesson in history.
historyinterestinglesson
↓
e2340290-bcbb-43c0-bdb3-4accdf4eb372.gif
Uh...
↓
39f069cb-f260-427c-bd6b-649a3e76f49f.gif
Up next, we have Luis Ochoa and the story of his grandfather, Hector.
grandfatherhectorluisstory
↓
c79e4e1c-502a-439e-93de-f3eedc24e90c.gif
- Holy shit. - Excuse us.
excuseholy
↓
577e980d-824b-4882-b492-1508f475a6fd.gif
South Beach, Miami, 1991, was all about cocaine.
beachcocainemiamisouth
↓
beacedac-81a5-49e7-8636-2196fc8c3fb7.gif
And that's because of... me.
↓
3cc31e19-7da8-4a1f-aae6-c7da78759aa9.gif
- I think I wanna see this. - Yeah, me too.
↓
d2be3511-c18d-46cc-bbdd-64ca4d9f7c17.gif
Come and get some!
↓
d1e20cae-44a3-4301-b272-ef1281068776.gif
Our kid's not that bad.
kids
↓
b09b67d7-4cc2-4729-b5ee-40d830beec94.gif
No way. That's illegal. We're just racist.
illegalracist
↓
f6a6c53c-5842-4db7-aa65-b16e675bee2a.gif
Let's go.
↓
bc4a1784-2382-40d7-8dc4-a66f276ba1f1.gif
Don't touch it.
touch
↓
17c9bd0a-a993-4939-8b13-8da5877ff72c.gif
Disgusting. That's why we're always out of peanut butter.
butterdisgustingpeanutpeanut-butter
↓
5c90fce9-4ee4-48ef-9262-b3f61a64d636.gif
Okay.
↓
e731b853-7364-477b-a80d-f5d41b551743.gif
I understand.
↓
dd68edee-26dd-45b7-aeb6-4595311e924b.gif
All right. Goodbye, Genevieve.
goodbye
↓
f1b45e33-bec2-4811-ba78-01793d0b70b6.gif
I love you.
love
↓
45789465-ae84-4ad4-a9f1-f390a17dd8dc.gif
I said, "I love you."
love
↓
4315f8ee-5dca-40bf-b077-d3954057f254.gif
Feelings change?
changefeelings
↓
c0d56c92-6707-4753-a638-7bf136721a81.gif
Yeah, I'm hungry.
hungry
↓
21564f96-fb67-4ed3-ae2f-d9babb64b072.gif
That's my feeling.
feeling
↓
8d666f83-e4da-4167-817c-5642c844206a.gif
Oh. Sir, you are back.
↓
a683eee2-a396-4241-a311-a530462c1492.gif
Has your lady, uh, she arrived?
arrivedlady
↓
81ae9435-cc36-4f08-beb7-1b14e66ef5a5.gif
Uh, dinner solo--
dinnersolo
↓
37f27134-a982-441d-b7e8-aefa1f505290.gif
- Please. No. - In English, sir.
english
↓
33b0f65e-857e-49a1-8ba0-6b12ab7ecfb7.gif
Your... Your French is very...
french
↓
c3beab77-6959-43f7-a8ee-51de92e39b1b.gif
sad to me.
↓
eab1f878-3ff6-4f99-810c-eae5c779c706.gif
She will not be joining me this evening.
eveningjoining
↓
1143b0b0-2497-47d9-8f50-0a48e111c5f2.gif
The chef has already begun to prepare the lamb broth dinner for two.
begunbrothchefdinnerlambprepare
↓
6caf4673-d082-4d9e-9d3c-256e4d62f778.gif
- So unfortunately-- - It's fine. I'll pay for it.
unfortunately
↓
591ddd1a-475a-4d2e-a216-ed514433378e.gif
Very good, sir.
↓
e5968012-bb34-4c55-b55c-105f15302d9c.gif
Plus, this is better.
plus
↓
25cb09f1-54c8-4dba-83c2-1e9def61c736.gif
Now you very much enjoy more food.
enjoyfood
↓
792d57b1-5f6f-4e7b-acb8-8894dda5e155.gif
Because you're fat.
↓
083ea31d-387f-42a9-bd19-6d0332af4132.gif
Thank you.
↓
eb2c9350-a06c-4e51-b896-678b3dfc2a61.gif
Oh, I didn't order that.
order
↓
3e145d68-fab6-415c-8605-cae39f61936b.gif
I moved to fucking Gordes! Gordes, France. For her!
francefuckingmoved
↓
840d7635-7738-4cfa-bf2b-71917469d776.gif
Don't grieve, for there are, what do they say?
grieve
↓
b508c00a-080d-439e-b68c-0bd75b5114b2.gif
"Plenty of fishes in the sea, oui"?
plenty
↓
4edcb616-4553-41a3-b434-946433c184ab.gif
You know, she said my teeth were fucked up.
fuckedteeth
↓
884cabaa-7e23-4596-b898-56930eabb29b.gif
She made me get adult braces and I feel stupid.
adultbracesstupid
↓
65b9db9e-5524-48ab-939e-8818421a119e.gif
Would you like to know a simple secret to life?
lifesecretsimple
↓
fadc1306-f04d-4b1e-9aa5-5eec5db9d4da.gif
Sure.
↓
ef4d064f-f096-4cfb-804a-49b0c82e63b3.gif
Be open to the right opportunity when she presents herself.
openopportunitypresents
↓
74c2b1de-cc79-4116-a630-3e11bec678e2.gif
Merci beaucoup.
merci
↓
df7c1031-7a09-4797-ae2b-cf13a721fe09.gif
Please. Don't speak French.
frenchspeak
↓
ca7f6b4f-c4b7-4b34-a69a-f54f330d516d.gif
I'm sorry. I'm really fucking drunk.
drunkfucking
↓
fbe54a3e-3563-40de-8408-a498c31cde02.gif
Well, yeah.
↓
c1c17079-8174-42cd-8860-63ca1d9c6c50.gif
Welcome to France, eh? Yeah.
francewelcome
↓
f840e9d1-d095-4bf3-a531-6e1b7d9f25af.gif
You have to hold your liquor, right?
liquor
↓
7336a674-afd3-482a-a38a-404f095c841b.gif
You know, I lost 300 lb.
lost
↓
1937cd13-2f8e-46ad-916d-9de6e2d55882.gif
Bonjour. This is Genevieve.
bonjour
↓
e42575db-c805-4d17-a8cc-56541ca75c7c.gif
Leave a message.
message
↓
319b8afb-c3e0-40fc-a0db-2302149db1ce.gif
I can't fucking drive.
drivefucking
↓
dfaa8f39-953a-4d4e-a589-ddb455c2db29.gif
Hey, Genevieve. This is Joe.
↓
99136413-f612-4dd2-978a-6e16e4049fa2.gif
I'm still in Gordes.
↓
ab836ab9-cb6c-48c5-90ec-623d3de44206.gif
I moved here to be with you, if you recall, and guess what?
movedrecall
↓
0c9fad05-b5cd-401c-a81d-bd461db48f32.gif
I'm not sorry.
↓
1d72e555-c6dd-48fd-8d95-980572b46852.gif
I met a guy.
↓
593ff5dd-0f8a-43c3-8e30-a4c5ed99543a.gif
Not like that.
↓
449ada15-f55b-49f4-8613-81be0eaf25ed.gif
Like a cool older guy, and he says there's fishes everywhere.
coololder
↓
09fa883d-3ab5-4a07-9602-586032031a15.gif
So I'm gonna catch a long-nosed fish,
catchfishnosed
↓
46702f43-db91-4fa0-91c0-ebc94b0de759.gif
like the kind just mounted over a fireplace.
fireplace
↓
4da436bb-d412-45c9-a1ad-37a67c324215.gif
You ever see those?
↓
18196385-e07d-48e7-b4b0-9675cabc0aa5.gif
And you're like, "Holy fuck! Did you catch that?"
catchfuckholyholy-fuck
↓
aea67e51-8691-43c1-9253-f47938520788.gif
So big.
↓
7d14d6ca-adb4-4233-9a30-8aa5ff99b67a.gif
How many fish did you see?
fish
↓
c06b312a-b0df-4187-91f8-0a7193a287a8.gif
Oh, this is stupid. I'm not sending this.
sendingstupid
↓
ed287ef2-cadd-436f-800f-ba7fb55d3263.gif
Fuck. Did I just send that?
fucksend
↓
6d60058f-f7e3-403d-8fca-fd6097410186.gif
Me?
↓
6f23eeb5-d79d-45f3-8a7b-666b15904333.gif
Okay.
↓
b095187a-e28a-4c5c-b84f-ed8704eb4408.gif
Hello?
↓
b353dbad-263f-4b26-a6a9-f16ef5ba747b.gif
I'm back here.
↓
64eb5c3a-e3ec-46a9-a761-f8061b554ce1.gif
Wow.
↓
2cede9d5-5eea-421a-8f16-4cb94ab12d4b.gif
Why are you the only handsome man that has ever passed by?
handsomepassed
↓
a73987ee-0d7f-4140-adcb-9964d0d0b782.gif
I don't know.
↓
d2c46038-7a21-47cb-8989-1dbc172577e6.gif
I've been standing at that window for three whole days.
daysstandingthreewholewindow
↓
adce2081-f58b-4ecd-846b-eed51c5efa20.gif
I'm glad I walked by.
gladwalked
↓
353514c5-d4b0-47b1-b32a-ca2bdb2e7b17.gif
Me too.
↓
edc3787e-76c8-4de1-9b66-5280840c60f5.gif
I'm Katie.
katie
↓
f33c4c21-4c67-468a-ac3f-590413e20dd9.gif
Uh... I'm Joseph.
joseph
↓
43467133-dfc3-4334-91eb-5dcb75c1aa25.gif
Joseph?
joseph
↓
3d3f6100-6ff7-4b9e-8e23-f0f967346a1e.gif
Juju?
juju
↓
a83c555a-0104-4324-9fce-cad1cb09f1bd.gif
I like that name.
name
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You have broad shoulders, Juju.
broadjujushoulders
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And beautiful eyes.
eyes
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- I'm glad you like them. - Mmm!
glad
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That was...
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very nice.
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You're a real man.
real
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I am? I am.
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Mm. It's not easy to find.
easy
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You're having trouble finding a man?
findinghavinghaving-troubletrouble
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Oui.
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Did you ever go outside?
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Oh...Mais oui, Juju.
juju
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You are...
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stunning.
stunning
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I mean, I was seeing someone.
seeing
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She said I'm a friend type.
friendtype
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Then I met a cool older guy.
coololder
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He was saying, "There's a bunch of fishes--"
bunch
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I want you to fuck me.
fuck
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What? Yeah, okay.
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I do. I mean, I want to. Thank you.
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Fuck. Yeah, let's do that.
fuck
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Oh, my God.
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But...
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I want you to do me a favor.
favor
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Okay, yeah, sure.
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You have to fuck my sister first.
fucksister
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She's my twin.
twin
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Okay? Sure. I can do you that favor.
favor
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Promise?
promise
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I will do my best, madam.
bestmadam
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- Do you want me, Juju? - Mmm-hmm. Yes. Yes.
juju
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- I want you. - Oh. Good. Good.
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No! I want you to want me more!
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- I never wanted anybody more. - More!
anybodywanted
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I want you to take me and do whatever you want with me.
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Whatever pleases you. Mm!
pleases
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- Juju! Yes. Okay? - Okay.
juju
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- Okay. - Watch your step.
stepwatch
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I'm yours, Juju.
juju
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Yes.
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But first... my sister.
sister
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Okay.
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Is she coming or is she here?
coming
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What does she look like?
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Oh...
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No! Fuck!
fuck
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Who is this?
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What is that?