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» S01E03 — My Best Friend's Mistake
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Season 1, Episode 3 — My Best Friend's Mistake
[makes elevator noise]
#5
⇓
I've been attending for three years. How come you know better?
#6
⇓
- In my gut I know I'm right. - We need to decide now.
#7
⇓
- Fine, then it's on you. - Yes, it is.
#8
⇓
Nurse.
#9
⇓
- Erasure. - Yes, doctor.
#10
⇓
I hate this song.
#11
⇓
Me too, man. Me too.
#12
⇓
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
#15
⇓
Our shifts keep overlapping on Friday nights.
#19
⇓
It's the closest thing I've had to a date recently.
#20
⇓
Well, I had a great time tonight.
#21
⇓
Oh, yeah. Me too.
#22
⇓
So, can I page you?
#23
⇓
You'd better. And don't do the two-day waiting thing.
#24
⇓
Oh, baby, I don't play by the rules.
#25
⇓
So, good night.
#26
⇓
Come on. I don't do this for all the doctors.
#29
⇓
Yes!
#30
⇓
[pistol shot]
#31
⇓
This guy's gonna need 40 mEq's of KCL.
#32
⇓
Grab me when you get the results.
#33
⇓
You got it.
#34
⇓
His TV is broken, so when you two start tagging each other,
#35
⇓
the least you can do is wake him up and let him watch.
#36
⇓
In my experience,
#37
⇓
I'll see ya.
#43
⇓
You're such a girl.
#44
⇓
Nothing was going on last night between me and Elliot.
#45
⇓
Good thing you still have your flower, then.
#46
⇓
[Turk] That song is like a virus.
#47
⇓
I'm just a little lonely, you know.
#48
⇓
I haven't been hanging out with Turk
#49
⇓
since he's been dating Carla.
#50
⇓
First of all, who's Turk?
#51
⇓
And don't answer. Look,
#52
⇓
if you have a medical question,
#53
⇓
I'm forced by hospital policy to answer you.
#54
⇓
However, if you ask me about a personal problem,
#55
⇓
I'm going to start doing this...
#56
⇓
Ow!
#57
⇓
You seem unhappy.
#58
⇓
I like that.
#59
⇓
♪ I try to discover ♪
#60
⇓
♪ Oh, baby, refrain... ♪
#62
⇓
I cannot get that stupid song out of my head.
#63
⇓
It's like a damn virus. Okay, here's his chart,
#64
⇓
his transfer note. Hemodynamically stable.
#65
⇓
Consider him officially turfed to medicine.
#66
⇓
T-Man. I'm gonna get my grub on.
#67
⇓
- Means he's gonna go eat. - Ah.
#68
⇓
- So, surgery went okay? - It was cool.
#69
⇓
Dude,
#70
⇓
I got to close for the first time ever. Ever.
#71
⇓
The human body is so disgusting.
#72
⇓
Not yours. Yours is stunning.
#73
⇓
We should go out and celebrate. Tear it up like we used to, just the two of us.
#74
⇓
What comes before Part B?
#75
⇓
[both] Part A!
#76
⇓
We used to tear it up.
#77
⇓
We should probably never do that again.
#78
⇓
Yeah.
#79
⇓
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪
#81
⇓
♪ Give a little respect to me ♪
#82
⇓
No!
#83
⇓
Don't let it be awkward.
#84
⇓
Do something cute.
#85
⇓
- Guess who? - I can't breathe.
#87
⇓
Okay, gang, it's time for rounds.
#88
⇓
Let's see who's The Weakest Link.
#89
⇓
[Kelso laughs]
#90
⇓
The Weakest Link!
#91
⇓
Now, then... Dr., uh... Simotas.
#92
⇓
Severe swelling of the lips in this patient
#93
⇓
might be an indication of what?
#94
⇓
- Angioedema. - Well done, sport.
#95
⇓
And what treatment would you recommend, Dr., uh... Dorian?
#96
⇓
A combination of steroids and any of several antihistamines.
#97
⇓
Attaboy, sport.
#98
⇓
Now, what would you recommend the patient stay away from,
#99
⇓
Dr., uh... Reid?
#100
⇓
My first guess would be shellfish.
#101
⇓
Right you are, sweetheart.
#102
⇓
Sweetheart?
#103
⇓
[♪ jazz]
#105
⇓
Right you are, sweetheart.
#106
⇓
- What do you want to watch? - Fletch.
#107
⇓
- Fletch it is. - Seen it.
#108
⇓
You haven't seen it with us saying all the lines.
#109
⇓
I'm so lucky I met you.
#110
⇓
Maybe next time her mom could come.
#111
⇓
Dude, you won't even know she's here.
#112
⇓
Except she'll ask some stupid stuff and that makes me laugh.
#113
⇓
It's stupid... Because it's so stupid...
#114
⇓
Oh, come on. Tonight's still about us.
#115
⇓
Whatever, I don't care.
#116
⇓
Turk, you wanna go hang out in your room?
#117
⇓
[pistol shot, feet running away]
#118
⇓
On the one hand, I know Dr. Kelso doesn't mean anything by it,
#119
⇓
and okay, maybe I am kind of a sweetheart...
#120
⇓
- I'm sleeping. - On the other hand,
#121
⇓
it just sounds so demeaning.
#122
⇓
You're not listening to a word I'm saying.
#123
⇓
It's not like he's my grandpa or anything.
#124
⇓
Anyway, J.D. always tells me how much you've helped him...
#125
⇓
He obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy.
#126
⇓
This whole groovy guidance counselor thing
#127
⇓
you people seem to have working, is a total fantasy.
#128
⇓
I'm not that guy. You can go and ask anybody.
#129
⇓
Now, you've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.
#130
⇓
I guess sweetheart is kind of innocuous.
#131
⇓
Okay.
#132
⇓
Here's what you're gonna do.
#133
⇓
Go right down there and confront Kelso.
#134
⇓
- Really? - Oh, absolutely.
#135
⇓
Never mind that he is the Chief of Medicine
#136
⇓
for the entire hospital,
#137
⇓
he'll have a whole new level of respect for you.
#138
⇓
- Honestly? - Yes.
#139
⇓
You can't have sexist terms like that around here.
#140
⇓
You go get him.
#141
⇓
This guy looks stable but I still wanna get an EKG.
#142
⇓
[J.D.] Let's do cardiac enzymes...
#143
⇓
When you say sweetheart...
#144
⇓
...uh... and an aspirin.
#145
⇓
Look man, I'm surgery and you're medicine.
#148
⇓
This isn't college any more. Things have to change.
#149
⇓
I know relationships change,
#150
⇓
I guess I just thought yours and mine never would.
#151
⇓
What's going on with you, man?
#152
⇓
We always used to look out for each other.
#153
⇓
I just don't feel you have my back any more.
#154
⇓
- You really feel that way? - Yeah, I do.
#155
⇓
You do? Great.
#156
⇓
I'll get them from my locker, you can write me a check.
#157
⇓
Can you take a look at Mr. Bidwell?
#158
⇓
His temperature's starting to spike.
#159
⇓
Sure.
#160
⇓
[man] Legally, there's a huge difference.
#161
⇓
Stitch a patient, wind up sewing a sheet to him,
#162
⇓
that's an accident.
#163
⇓
He tries getting up,
#164
⇓
gurney collapses, breaks his front teeth,
#165
⇓
that's a lawsuit.
#166
⇓
Say it with me. Accident. Lawsuit.
#167
⇓
[all] Accident. Lawsuit.
#168
⇓
So, what is it, sweetheart?
#169
⇓
It's that, it's the sweetheart thing.
#170
⇓
It doesn't hit me right.
#171
⇓
I'm a doctor, it seems sort of disrespectful.
#172
⇓
I've always called young men "sport"
#173
⇓
and young ladies "sweetheart."
#174
⇓
But you call Becky "sport".
#175
⇓
Oh. Well, I am so sorry, sport.
#176
⇓
It must be one of those bad habits I've developed
#177
⇓
after working in the medical field for over 30 years.
#178
⇓
30 years? But you look so young!
#179
⇓
I don't get it, he was fine last night.
#182
⇓
Now he's diaphoretic, in and out of consciousness,
#183
⇓
maybe even septic.
#184
⇓
We won't know till his blood work's back.
#185
⇓
I've seen this before. Gauze, sponges,
#188
⇓
some young surgeon left something in this man.
#189
⇓
No, no, I know the guy that closed.
#190
⇓
He'd never be that careless.
#191
⇓
Okay, uh, excuse me, sorry.
#192
⇓
Has anyone seen my keys?
#193
⇓
No? Okay, how about my wallet?
#194
⇓
Anyone?
#195
⇓
I've never seen that before.
#196
⇓
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪
#197
⇓
♪ Give a little respect ♪
#198
⇓
♪ To me ♪
#199
⇓
Turk!
#200
⇓
Oh, Dr. Cox, have you seen Turk?
#201
⇓
Ow!
#202
⇓
Ow!
#203
⇓
Turk.
#204
⇓
Hey, I was just dreaming about you.
#205
⇓
You were... Well, we were...
#206
⇓
Hey, you got a few minutes?
#207
⇓
Don't move.
#208
⇓
No, no, no. Don't move.
#209
⇓
Have you seen Turk?
#210
⇓
Yeah, I saw him.
#211
⇓
He just went out that door.
#212
⇓
Turk?
#213
⇓
Aaaah!
#214
⇓
La, la, la. Can't hear you.
#215
⇓
- What? - Let me in!
#216
⇓
You love who?
#217
⇓
Mr. Kavanaugh, your arrhythmia's much better.
#218
⇓
Everything looks... just great, actually.
#219
⇓
You sound surprised.
#220
⇓
Well, okay, it has nothing to do with you.
#221
⇓
I had a run-in with Dr Kelso yesterday
#222
⇓
so when he switched me to you,
#223
⇓
I thought it would be a difficult case.
#224
⇓
Go on, I'm listening.
#225
⇓
Excuse me while I go check on another penis... patient.
#226
⇓
Um, well, he's a penis patient.
#227
⇓
Hey...
#228
⇓
- Turk! - [Turk] Hey!
#229
⇓
No, no, I gotta talk to you.
#230
⇓
No, no, no!
#231
⇓
Look, it's nine up, OK?
#232
⇓
We just lost our fourth, it's your ball.
#233
⇓
It's important I talk to you.
#234
⇓
This is not a joke either. This is real.
#235
⇓
It's surgical versus medical.
#236
⇓
- Your ball, you're shirts. - [Todd] Let's play.
#237
⇓
Don't bring in the same weak-ass crap the last kid did.
#239
⇓
Suddenly, I was so fed up
#240
⇓
[♪ rock guitar]
#242
⇓
[both] Ouch.
#244
⇓
J.D., I'm gonna show you...
#245
⇓
what... the ... deal... Oh... oh...
#246
⇓
[Becky] Throw the body out of here!
#247
⇓
Oh...!
#248
⇓
All right, that's game. What's so important?
#249
⇓
Okay, I was looking at Bidwell...
#250
⇓
- [pager beeps] - One second.
#251
⇓
Damn, I gotta go. But you played a good game.
#252
⇓
[Turk] You played a good game!
#253
⇓
I thought you sucked.
#254
⇓
Go get your grub on.
#255
⇓
Yeah.
#256
⇓
♪ Give a little respect ♪
#257
⇓
♪ To the Todd ♪
#258
⇓
- Hey, what's up? - You gotta be kidding.
#259
⇓
Yes?
#260
⇓
Sorry to bother you, sir.
#261
⇓
Well, if it isn't "sport".
#262
⇓
How are things?
#263
⇓
Did you see Mr Kavanaugh today?
#264
⇓
Yes.
#265
⇓
Yes, I did. Dr. Kelso, I just wanted to say, well...
#266
⇓
As far as the whole sweetheart thing goes, maybe I overreacted.
#267
⇓
Are you sure?
#268
⇓
I wouldn't want you to be the least bit uncomfortable.
#269
⇓
Oh, no... To tell you the truth, I have no idea
#270
⇓
what possessed me to say anything in the first place.
#271
⇓
You've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.
#272
⇓
Absolutely no idea.
#273
⇓
Super.
#274
⇓
Then run along, sweetheart.
#275
⇓
♪ I try to discover ♪
#276
⇓
♪ Ooh, baby, refrain ♪
#278
⇓
♪ From breaking my heart ♪
#279
⇓
♪ I'm so in love...♪
#280
⇓
Have you seen Mr. Bidwell's blood work?
#281
⇓
No, it hasn't come back yet.
#282
⇓
Okay, have you seen Turk?
#283
⇓
Not since this morning.
#284
⇓
Well, I'm sure you'll end up seeing him before I do, so...
#285
⇓
Bambi, are you giving me attitude?
#286
⇓
What if I am?
#287
⇓
Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick
#288
⇓
in a bad movie to pull that off.
#289
⇓
- You know what I mean, right? - Oh, child, please!
#290
⇓
- You speak the truth. - [Carla] Explain it to him.
#291
⇓
First the hand, then the finger,
#292
⇓
then talk through the nose.
#293
⇓
Then give a lot of attitude, that's it.
#294
⇓
If you're not from there, you don't understand...
#295
⇓
- Okay, I'm gonna leave now. - [Carla] What?
#296
⇓
Oh, no, you didn't! Where you going? Where you going?
#297
⇓
[man] ♪ I hear you calling ♪
#298
⇓
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪
#299
⇓
♪ Give a little respect ♪
#300
⇓
♪ To ♪
#301
⇓
♪ Me ♪
#302
⇓
Thank you very much.
#303
⇓
- What? - Hi, how are you?
#304
⇓
I have a quick legal question. I'm just curious.
#305
⇓
What if, hypothetically...
#306
⇓
Oh, God! You killed somebody.
#307
⇓
- No! - Someone else did.
#308
⇓
- No, no one killed anyone. - Maimed, mutilated, disfigured.
#309
⇓
Let's not split hairs.
#310
⇓
I'm not sure there is a problem.
#311
⇓
I'm running tests, doing everything I should be doing.
#312
⇓
If you know about something,
#313
⇓
by not reporting it you're every bit as culpable.
#314
⇓
Is there anything you wanna tell me?
#315
⇓
- Anything at all? - Tell him.
#317
⇓
No.
#318
⇓
Scared the hell out of me.
#319
⇓
Dr. Cox...
#320
⇓
I'm hoping there's another Dr. Cox sat behind me.
#321
⇓
I feel stupid but, sending me to Kelso like that...
#322
⇓
I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me.
#323
⇓
The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.
#324
⇓
We both know there's more to it than that.
#325
⇓
No, no, there's not.
#326
⇓
Look, I want you to go ahead and spread the word, missy.
#327
⇓
I've had enough.
#328
⇓
The next whiny intern that comes to me for a cookie and a hug,
#329
⇓
I swear to Aisha, I'm going to hurt them.
#330
⇓
And you, you neurotic, one-woman freak show,
#331
⇓
take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist.
#332
⇓
If you're so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine,
#333
⇓
over some quasi-offensive endearment,
#334
⇓
then you've got to replace the captain of your brain ship
#335
⇓
because he's drunk at the wheel.
#336
⇓
You're right. I need to learn to pick my battles. Thank you, sir.
#337
⇓
You're welcome.
#338
⇓
And you say your husband hardly wore them?
#339
⇓
- Mm-hmm. - Fantastic.
#340
⇓
Oh, the blood work came back.
#341
⇓
Negative?
#342
⇓
How could they be negative? The guy looks like death.
#343
⇓
Hi!
#344
⇓
What happened?
#345
⇓
There's no infection. He's diabetic.
#346
⇓
So when someone gave him insulin during post-op,
#347
⇓
when he wasn't eating, he became hypoglycemic.
#348
⇓
That's funny, the only person that could've given him insulin...
#349
⇓
Uh-oh.
#350
⇓
Me!
#351
⇓
He's fine, Bambi.
#353
⇓
I gave him an amp of D50 and he's eating now.
#354
⇓
You should probably give him some orange juice in an hour.
#355
⇓
Carla, thank you so much. You totally saved my ass.
#356
⇓
No, it wasn't me.
#357
⇓
- Look, Turk. - Come on, man.
#358
⇓
You know I always got your back.
#359
⇓
I know.
#360
⇓
I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
#362
⇓
Okay, um...
#363
⇓
You've had a rough day so I'm gonna let that go.
#364
⇓
Thank you.
#365
⇓
We're gonna find time to hang, man.
#366
⇓
We're both really swamped right now
#367
⇓
and I'm hanging out with Carla a lot, I know.
#368
⇓
But if there was someone you were into
#369
⇓
wouldn't you be doing the same?
#370
⇓
Oh, crap!
#371
⇓
Did Nurse Roberts sell you these?
#372
⇓
[countdown clock beeps]
#373
⇓
You don't wanna hear about my day.
#374
⇓
You're right. Kiss me.
#375
⇓
Right now?
#376
⇓
We can wait three, four seconds.
#377
⇓
But I just ate, I feel gross.
#378
⇓
Not gross, pretty. Come here.
#379
⇓
J.D., can we just talk for a second?
#380
⇓
It never fails.
#381
⇓
[man] How're you doing?
#382
⇓
Went to high school with her.
#383
⇓
We worked at Penguins Yogurt.
#384
⇓
[man] I met her on a bus.
#385
⇓
She'll come around.
#386
⇓
Pretzel?
#387
⇓
Thank you.
#388
⇓
The first few weeks have been so hard for me,
#389
⇓
mentally, physically, emotionally.
#390
⇓
It's like math camp all over again.
#391
⇓
Not that I've ever been to math camp, it's an expression.
#392
⇓
I use it all the time.
#393
⇓
- Come on. - Anyway...
#394
⇓
but you know what?
#397
⇓
I can't believe you lost our bottle opener.
#401
⇓
Yeah, I know.
#402
⇓
I miss it so much it hurts sometimes.
#403
⇓
You're a bad person.
#404
⇓
[Turk] Don't judge me.
#405
⇓
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