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» S01E02 — My Mentor
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Season 1, Episode 2 — My Mentor
And yet, just after two weeks,
#4
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Catheters, chest tubes, IVs,
#6
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Are you? If you have time to listen to music,
#8
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then I assume you have time to finish your paperwork.
#9
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♪ Having a good time... ♪
#10
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Keep moving.
#11
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♪ No, I know ♪
#13
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♪ I'm no Superman ♪
#14
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♪ I'm no Superman ♪
#15
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How's it goin'?
#17
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I'm a 37-year-old janitor.
#18
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How do you think it's going?
#19
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There is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
#20
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Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around.
#21
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I'll go tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids
#22
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that life is worth living.
#23
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And that comes straight from our hero,
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Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing.
#25
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No, seriously, come on.
#26
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Come over to my humble house
#27
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and point out things that are cheap.
#28
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That dog is creepy.
#30
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Aww, be nice to Rowdy.
#31
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The guy we bought him from kept him in a box full of old hats.
#32
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Ew.
#33
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Why is she here all the time?
#34
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- Just give her a chance, man. - Oh! You want to hit that.
#35
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- No! - Yeah!
#36
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- No, she's just a friend, man. - Yeah.
#37
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It's healthy, hanging out with a girl
#38
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without the ultimate goal being sex.
#39
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- You know? - I'm not following.
#40
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[screams]
#41
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Creepy. I had a run-in with that nurse, Carla.
#42
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She forgot to check the stats on a patient and gave me attitude.
#43
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Did you tell on her, or something?
#44
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- Who's responsible for this? - She is.
#45
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I don't remember.
#46
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Why do you assume it was my fault?
#47
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A lot.
#49
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She can't really seem to stop.
#50
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Just because I occasionally say something stupid doesn't mean
#51
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I go door-to-door annoying people,
#52
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like some crazed Jehovah's Witness.
#53
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- Oh, you're not? - No.
#54
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My mother is.
#55
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He's black, too. You should tease him about that.
#56
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Like Carla, for instance.
#58
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Hey, Bambi, that blond stick you hang out with?
#59
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Tell her...
#60
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[speaks Spanish]
#61
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You might have to write that down for me.
#62
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I'm kind of like his protégé.
#64
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- I need to see his chart... - Done, copied and highlighted.
#65
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Unfortunately, Radar, I'm fresh out of gold stars.
#66
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Multilobar pneumonia.
#67
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How much does he smoke?
#68
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I don't know.
#69
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Your attention to detail impresses me.
#70
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- How many packs a day, genius? - Half a pack.
#71
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Oh, I'm sorry. I phrased the question wrong.
#72
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How many packs a day, really?
#73
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Eleven.
#74
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You don't know where I'm coming from.
#75
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Two or three packs.
#76
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Let's hear it.
#77
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Oh, I don't smoke so... Zero packs.
#78
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[bones crack]
#79
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What tests have you ordered?
#80
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Oh, I was just... I was totally kidding with you.
#81
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He was. We're all in on it.
#82
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I ordered blood cultures and a high-resolution CT.
#84
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What are you looking for?
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Cancer.
#86
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When you say "cancer",
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Excellent.
#89
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Not like that.
#90
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There it is.
#91
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But I'm getting better.
#93
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So...
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- How's surgery? - It rocks.
#95
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But my bedroom, that's where I really operate.
#96
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Am I right?
#97
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Come on, show Todd some love!
#98
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I hate showing Todd love.
#99
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[whiplash]
#100
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Bambi, why are you slumming with these scalpel jocks?
#101
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Please, baby. This here's the VIP table.
#102
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Why don't you sit your fine self down?
#103
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"Baby, this here's the VIP table..."
#104
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I'm not really interested in her.
#105
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Yeah? Then the Todd'll show that little biscuit some love.
#106
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Fine. Todd'll show himself some love.
#108
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I'm going to ask Carla out. What do you think?
#109
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I think the janitor's out to get me.
#110
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Thank you so much for your help.
#111
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Why not be a little bit more paranoid?
#112
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- Wait, Turk... - That's him.
#113
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Hi, how are you?
#114
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Um... I need David Farr's chart.
#115
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We all need lots of things.
#116
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Great. Uh, Dr. Kelso? You're the Chief of Medicine.
#117
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Is there a special way to communicate with nursing staff?
#118
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Well, sugar won't work. They're already so sweet.
#119
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Now, listen, Dr. Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is,
#120
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you tattled yesterday, I responded.
#121
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I feel closer to you than ever.
#122
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But the ramifications are yours.
#123
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Don't drag me into your pathetic whiny little squabble
#124
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with that god-awful bunch of malcontents.
#125
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I hope you all kill each other.
#126
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Have a great day, ladies.
#127
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I hate this place.
#128
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Dr. Cox, I got Will's CT results back.
#129
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No cancer. So what shall I tell him?
#130
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I'd open with that.
#131
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He's headed down such a bad road,
#132
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maybe you and I could talk to him...
#133
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I, um... I'm just happy you haven't messed up yet today.
#137
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Don't ever touch me.
#139
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Means "Don't ever touch him."
#140
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Just thought it was a nice moment.
#141
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- No, I don't wanna... - Come on, come on, come on.
#142
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Carla, I shouldn't have told Dr. Kelso on you.
#143
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No, you shouldn't have.
#144
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[silence]
#145
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Ah, comfortable silences.
#146
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But thank you for apologizing.
#147
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Okay, good.
#148
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- I wanna make one thing clear. - No, nothing needs to be clear.
#149
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[♪ church organ]
#150
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I still think you were in the wrong.
#151
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Checking orthostatics is your job.
#152
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I need to know you'll take care of it.
#153
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That's all I'm saying.
#154
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There. All better.
#155
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So, yes. As of now, you have no signs of cancer.
#156
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Woo! Who rules? Will rules.
#157
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It's important you realize this isn't great news.
#158
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Are you sure? That's how it first hit me.
#159
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You're on a slippery slope, man...
#160
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So, right now, the one thing I want you to think about...
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Let me see.
#165
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This is so cool.
#166
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No, it's not.
#167
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Biddy, biddy, biddy. Okay, doc.
#168
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It's not a toy.
#169
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Would you like to play a game?
#170
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Look, man. You're a great patient.
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I like you enough to hope I never see you again.
#174
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But if you keep smoking, you'll be back here.
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I bet my own life on that.
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[PA] Dr. Reid to Room 402,
#177
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I'm nervous, man. Why am I nervous?
#179
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Todd's your wing man, buddy. I will not leave your side.
#180
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- Hey, baby. - Keep moving, frat boy.
#181
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You got it.
#182
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Come on. Out with it.
#183
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Don't rush me.
#184
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I mean...
#185
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You shouldn't be impatient with the opportunity of a lifetime.
#186
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Oh, I'm gonna sit down because you're so sexy?
#187
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My knees are weak.
#188
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Really?
#189
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Oh, Dr. Cox? I know I'm being annoying,
#190
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but I'm really getting used to talking to patients.
#191
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I mean, this is why I became a doctor, right? Right?
#192
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I heard, "I know I'm being annoying" and then white noise.
#193
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Will, the pneumonia patient. I got him to quit smoking.
#194
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Forever? No last one?
#195
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'Cause the last ones are better than sex.
#196
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Trust me, I've had about 1,000 of them.
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Done forever, he swore to me. I reached him.
#198
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I reached him.
#199
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Hm.
#200
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You're having a big day, there, Susan.
#201
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[wind whistles]
#202
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Private party.
#203
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- Dr. Cox, about Will... - Not now!
#205
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I've a 10-minute break and my soap is on.
#206
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Hey, Skeech... If you go ahead and change the channels,
#207
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I swear I'll suture your hands together.
#208
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Right. So with Will...
#209
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This woman is just fantastic.
#210
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I mean, the breasts are probably fake
#211
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but by God, those tears are real.
#212
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Time for a bold move.
#213
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[wild animal snorts]
#214
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I need to know how we're gonna fix this Will thing.
#215
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Do you know what you've just done?
#216
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You just lost all lapdog privileges.
#217
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Excuse me?
#218
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No more walkies, no more treats,
#219
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no more following me around.
#220
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- I'm not your lapdog. - Hey, you back there.
#221
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What do we do with lapdogs who can't behave in the house?
#222
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- Make them stay outside? - That's right.
#223
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You have five seconds to get out of this room,
#224
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or I'm gonna start whacking you on the nose with this.
#225
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Don't laugh, this isn't a joke. Get out.
#226
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But I was thinking...
#227
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[Dr. Cox] Go!
#228
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What do you want to watch, Captain Courage?
#229
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- Days of our Lives? - Attaboy.
#230
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[TV: laughter]
#231
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[knock on door]
#232
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Come in.
#233
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[Turk laughs]
#234
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He smells the food.
#235
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- Move your butt. - Okay.
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[Elliot] Um... Peace offering?
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Look, I know I don't always make the best first impression.
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Or second, for that matter.
#239
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I'd like us to be friends.
#240
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I thought I could get to know you a bit better.
#241
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See what you're about...
#242
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Uh...
#243
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For instance, when did you meet Morgan Freeman?
#244
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That's my mom.
#245
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I like her freckles.
#246
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Jeez!
#247
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Rowdy, no!
#248
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I still can't figure out why Dr. Cox tore me a new one today.
#249
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Oh, man, enough already! He's a jerk.
#250
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- He's a jerk. - He's a jerk.
#251
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- He's a jerk. - You're a jerk.
#252
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He's just Dr. Cox. He's always like that.
#253
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Who really knows him? Who does he hang out with here?
#254
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- No one. - That must be lonely.
#255
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"Take two Turks as needed, apply to sensitive areas..."
#256
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Who wrote this?
#257
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Wassup?
#258
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Aw, come on, Carla.
#259
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Give me one good reason why you won't go out with me.
#260
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Well, you're a surgeon, so you got the God complex,
#261
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the cockiness, the "married to the job" thing.
#262
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You're cute, but you're very, very aware of it.
#263
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You've no idea what I'm like, so your feelings for me
#264
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are coming from down there.
#265
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But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing.
#266
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You're nothing but a little boy
#267
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who's not used to being told "No."
#268
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So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favorite.
#269
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I'd go with the God complex.
#270
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But it's hard to choose. They're all so good.
#271
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It's a lot like high school.
#274
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[♪ high school band plays off-key]
#275
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[laughter]
#276
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I know that watching Will slowly kill himself hurts you, too.
#280
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It's harder if you don't have anyone to talk with.
#281
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So I figured I'd pick up a few cold ones, right?
#282
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And maybe you and I, we'll talk it out,
#283
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we'll just break the whole thing down.
#284
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Right? What do you say to that?
#285
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Aagh!
#286
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I'm sick of this. Everyone keeps ignoring me.
#287
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I'm like a plague around here.
#288
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Don't look back at me when you're talking.
#289
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Dr. Reid. I just wanted to say, you're out of my doghouse.
#290
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That was a great catch on that patient with meningococcus.
#291
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That actually wasn't me. Carla noticed the rash on his legs.
#292
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That's fascinating.
#293
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You could have been back into my good graces
#294
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and instead you passed the credit on to a nurse.
#295
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How noble. I tell you what,
#296
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I'll get the cafeteria staff to write
#297
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"Was it worth it?" on a big cake for you.
#298
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"...station." This is the nurses' station.
#299
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[TV] ...middle quarter...
#300
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Do you think I've damaged the ligaments?
#301
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I don't care.
#302
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Now, can I count on you to never drop by here again?
#303
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Or shall I just go ahead and move?
#304
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Oh, you can't leave a place with this much warmth.
#305
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I especially love this shelf
#306
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filled with photos of your friends and family.
#307
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Well, actually, you have a point.
#309
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I guess watching the game by yourself with a Scotch
#310
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isn't really the only way to watch a game, huh?
#311
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I don't know, it's just that...
#312
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I've always thought of needing people as a sign of weakness.
#313
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- It's not. - Well, then...
#314
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Would you stay and... watch the game with me?
#315
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Maybe have a slice of pizza?
#316
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- Of course I will. - I can braid your hair.
#317
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I know the couch isn't very deep,
#318
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but we could move the back cushion
#319
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and spoon.
#320
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[door opens]
#321
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Hey, you guys, what do you say?
#322
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Beer and chips in the back.
#323
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Just ignore them.
#324
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Would you tell me the answer to this question?
#325
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Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
#326
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Kelso didn't even ask her, she gave you full credit.
#327
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I don't care. Too little too late.
#328
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Plus, I know why you're really here.
#329
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So I'm gonna plop myself right here in the VIP section,
#330
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so you can give me what you got.
#331
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I was gonna tell you
#332
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how I busted J.D.'s chops the other day
#333
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for wanting to be friends with a girl.
#334
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And now I find it so amazing to see how strong you are,
#335
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how well you carry yourself,
#336
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how I'd give anything to wake up
#337
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and watch you read the paper.
#338
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But instead I think you should hop off your broom for a second,
#339
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try and remember what it was like when you first started here
#340
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and give Elliot a break.
#341
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Because she may be a chore
#342
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but she is a good person.
#343
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And your ass is especially fine today.
#344
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Pick me up tomorrow at seven.
#345
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She's not the only one who can do a speech.
#346
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I can do a speech.
#347
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You are to return that umbrella to me at the hospital.
#348
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Not here. Is that clear?
#349
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Yeah.
#350
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And, newbie...
#351
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- Know what your problem is? - My bones hurt?
#352
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You were gonna rescue me from loneliness
#353
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with a $3 six-pack of light beer?
#354
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It turns out we can't save people from themselves.
#355
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We just treat 'em.
#356
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Treat that kid with a respiratory problem
#357
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and when he comes back with cancer,
#358
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go ahead and treat that too.
#359
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- Thanks for the pick-me-up. - Hey.
#360
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Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever.
#361
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All I'm saying is, if you keep living and dying
#362
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on whether or not a person changes, well...
#363
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...you're not gonna make it as a doctor, that's all.
#364
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Now come here and give me a hug.
#365
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It's okay, come here.
#366
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Come here.
#367
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Get outta here!
#368
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Take this piss water with you. It's embarrassing.
#369
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[man] I'll drink it!
#370
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I'll take the beer. You'll beat it.
#371
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- You apologize. - No, I don't wanna.
#372
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Okay, come on.
#373
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Just do it really fast. Like a Band-Aid.
#374
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Here, I wrote out the pharmacy renewals on all your patients.
#375
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Wow, great. You know what else would be really helpful?
#376
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- Thank you, Carla. - You're welcome.
#378
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- So when's the baby due? - What baby?
#380
⇓
what they're gonna be.
#382
⇓
This is a strange resort. The wheelchair service is great
#383
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but that suite I rented, there was another person in it.
#384
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And for some reason, the bellhop gave me an enema.
#385
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Yeah, he's new here.
#386
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So...
#387
⇓
- Anything you wanna say? - You know it all, man.
#388
⇓
Still, I hated Will a little
#389
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Heart disease.
#392
⇓
Liver disease.
#393
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Somebody choking her.
#394
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I don't know.
#395
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Probably stress.
#396
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- Say anything else to him? - No.
#397
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But you wanted to.
#398
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- You told me not to. - Jeez, would you be a man?
#399
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Stick to your convictions
#400
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or you'll never make it as a doctor.
#401
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[screams]
#402
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I can't believe your head exploded.
#403
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If your head explodes, you'll never make it as a doctor.
#404
⇓
I mean, come on. You look ridiculous.
#405
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