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Family Guy
» S24E06 — Viewer DMs
Family Guy
Season 24, Episode 6 — Viewer DMs
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❮
❯
↗
⧉
↓
♪ It seems today That all you see ♪
seems
seems-today
today
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Is violence in movies And sex on TV ♪
movies
violence
↗
⧉
↓
♪ But where are those Good old-fashioned values ♪
fashioned
fashioned-values
values
↗
⧉
↓
[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
rely
used
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
family
lucky
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪
lucky
positively
↗
⧉
↓
♪ All the things that make us ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
laugh
↗
⧉
↓
[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪
family
↗
⧉
↓
Here at Family Guy, about every 10 years or so, we do an episode
episode
family
years
↗
⧉
↓
called Viewer Mail, where we try out story ideas
called
ideas
mail
story
viewer
↗
⧉
↓
that fans have submitted in the mail.
fans
mail
↗
⧉
↓
Lately, we've been getting a lot of DMs from fans asking what mail is
asking
fans
lately
mail
↗
⧉
↓
and also suggesting story ideas.
ideas
story
suggesting
↗
⧉
↓
Like this one from viewer Derek.
derek
viewer
↗
⧉
↓
-It's usually dudes. -Who writes, "Didn't Chris used to wear
chris
dudes
used
usually
wear
writes
↗
⧉
↓
an earring one time? Where'd it go?"
earring
whered
↗
⧉
↓
Well, Derek, thank you for your question. And as it happens,
derek
happens
question
↗
⧉
↓
we have an answer for you.
answer
↗
⧉
↓
An answer in the form of three epic films
answer
epic
films
form
three
↗
⧉
↓
crammed into six minutes. Enjoy.
crammed
enjoy
minutes
↗
⧉
↓
[Lois] It all began in the land of Mordor
began
land
lois
mordor
↗
⧉
↓
forged in the fires of Spencer's Gifts,
fires
forged
gifts
↗
⧉
↓
Sauron created the one earring to rule them all.
created
earring
rule
↗
⧉
↓
What followed was a massive war of elves and orcs
elves
followed
massive
↗
⧉
↓
that will someday cost Amazon Studios two billion dollars
amazon
billion
billion-dollars
cost
dollars
someday
studios
↗
⧉
↓
just to get review bombed by racists.
review
↗
⧉
↓
And also this happened.
happened
↗
⧉
↓
[♪ flute music playing]
flute
music
music-playing
playing
↗
⧉
↓
Call of gardening. Modern shrubbery.
gardening
modern
shrubbery
↗
⧉
↓
-Begin. -Yeah.
begin
↗
⧉
↓
Awesome. I'm growing the crap out of this fruit.
awesome
fruit
growing
↗
⧉
↓
-You have unlocked barley. -Sweet.
sweet
unlocked
↗
⧉
↓
I'll share it with my neighbors 'cause hobbits are a friendly,
friendly
neighbors
share
↗
⧉
↓
peaceful folk you can root for.
folk
peaceful
root
↗
⧉
↓
Also the last people who would ever go on an adventure.
adventure
↗
⧉
↓
That's for sure.
↗
⧉
↓
Frodo, I need you to go on an adventure.
adventure
↗
⧉
↓
It's a very heterosexual quest with guys who call each other my dear a lot.
dear
heterosexual
quest
↗
⧉
↓
Where's your season one earring?
earring
season
↗
⧉
↓
Hang on, Gandalf. I think I got it here somewhere.
hang
↗
⧉
↓
Sorry my hobbit hole is so tight.
hole
tight
↗
⧉
↓
-Mmm. -But it's the hole I was given in birth.
birth
given
hole
↗
⧉
↓
Just, uh...
↗
⧉
↓
Just get that earring, please.
earring
↗
⧉
↓
The truth is, my hole doesn't get many visitors.
hole
truth
visitors
↗
⧉
↓
-How we doing on that earring? -Here it is.
earring
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, and it's hissing some kind of devil talk at me.
devil
hissing
↗
⧉
↓
And there's stuff on here about unlimited dark power.
dark
power
stuff
unlimited
↗
⧉
↓
Huh. Go pack your underthings while I practice saying,
pack
practice
↗
⧉
↓
"You shall not pass," in the mirror.
mirror
pass
↗
⧉
↓
Thank you, everyone, for coming to the Council of Elrond,
coming
council
↗
⧉
↓
a meeting that I called and then named after myself.
called
meeting
named
↗
⧉
↓
Cool. If there's one thing that's awesome to show
awesome
cool
↗
⧉
↓
in a big action movie, it's meetings.
action
meetings
movie
↗
⧉
↓
Where are we on the agenda, by the way?
agenda
↗
⧉
↓
And also, what's the Wi-Fi password?
password
↗
⧉
↓
-Just use Rivendell Public. -Okay, is that what you're on?
public
↗
⧉
↓
Don't worry about what I'm on. Use Rivendell Public.
public
worry
↗
⧉
↓
I feel like you're probably on a faster one.
faster
↗
⧉
↓
Look, we're here because Frodo has the One Earring,
earring
↗
⧉
↓
and it must be destroyed by returning it from whence
destroyed
must
returning
↗
⧉
↓
it came, into the fires of Mount Doom.
fires
mount
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, Rivendell Public is super slow, man.
public
slow
super
↗
⧉
↓
Anyway, you guys have to help Frodo get there.
↗
⧉
↓
I think we're all in agreement that one simply walks into Mordor.
agreement
mordor
simply
walks
↗
⧉
↓
But aren't there... I like that reference, by the way.
reference
↗
⧉
↓
Aren't there giant eagles in Middle-Earth?
eagles
earth
giant
middle
↗
⧉
↓
Can't Gandalf just fly me to Mordor on a giant eagle?
eagle
giant
mordor
↗
⧉
↓
-No, you gotta walk. -Hey, I like being part of this group,
group
part
walk
↗
⧉
↓
but I don't like that y'all put your backpacks on my lap.
backpacks
yall
↗
⧉
↓
I'm not a chair. I'm...
chair
↗
⧉
↓
I'm kind of a chair.
chair
↗
⧉
↓
Thanks for escorting me to Mordor, everyone.
mordor
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
You bet. And what's great is that since the soundtrack in these films
films
↗
⧉
↓
is so forgettable, we can basically run
↗
⧉
↓
any movie music we want here.
movie
music
↗
⧉
↓
[♪ upbeat music playing]
music
music-playing
playing
upbeat
upbeat-music
upbeat-music-playing
↗
⧉
↓
-Well, you're on your own from here. -What?
↗
⧉
↓
You're leaving, Viggo Mortensen?
leaving
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, sorry. I got to go be in two more things and then no more things.
↗
⧉
↓
I'll also have to leave,
↗
⧉
↓
but not to go check in with my parole officer,
check
officer
parole
↗
⧉
↓
if that's what you're wondering.
wondering
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, and my beard kind of got caught in the spokes.
beard
caught
↗
⧉
↓
I think I have to unspool it all the way back to where we started.
started
↗
⧉
↓
Ah, that's worse.
worse
↗
⧉
↓
And I can only poop in my own apartment in Lothlorien.
apartment
poop
↗
⧉
↓
Didn't know we were going to be out this long.
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, hey, I can tag along with you and the precious.
along
precious
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, that earring that I don't have big feelings
earring
feelings
↗
⧉
↓
about one way or the other.
↗
⧉
↓
Freaking great. So how do we get there?
freaking
↗
⧉
↓
-Well, let's check the map. -This, um, this map is not very detailed.
check
↗
⧉
↓
-Okay. -No, seriously,
↗
⧉
↓
why are there no roads?
roads
↗
⧉
↓
And I guess these three wavy lines are supposed to indicate a lake?
indicate
lake
lines
supposed
three
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, there's really no detail on here.
detail
↗
⧉
↓
This is basically a child's menu.
childs
menu
↗
⧉
↓
-Who would be helped by this? -Look, this is the map, okay?
helped
↗
⧉
↓
At least we know we go that way.
least
↗
⧉
↓
Why is they playing the theme from Stripes, my precious?
playing
precious
stripes
theme
↗
⧉
↓
It's just... It's just a joke from earlier.
joke
↗
⧉
↓
Thanks, map. Thanks, great detailed map.
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
All right, listen, I wanted to keep this a secret,
secret
wanted
↗
⧉
↓
but I do know a shortcut into Mordor.
mordor
shortcut
↗
⧉
↓
What? Where is it?
↗
⧉
↓
You just go through that tunnel.
tunnel
↗
⧉
↓
See where it says giant spider hole?
giant
hole
spider
↗
⧉
↓
-Is a giant spider in there? -No, that's just some kids messing around.
giant
kids
messing
spider
↗
⧉
↓
[growls] I'm this!
growls
↗
⧉
↓
Ah, frick. [exclaims]
exclaims
frick
↗
⧉
↓
What the hell, man? You tried to get me killed.
killed
tried
↗
⧉
↓
That's it. I'm only giving you 14 more chances,
chances
giving
↗
⧉
↓
and then you can't be in my quest anymore.
anymore
quest
↗
⧉
↓
There it is. Mount Doom.
mount
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, but how are we supposed to get there?
supposed
↗
⧉
↓
This valley's full of trolls and orcs and...
full
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, God. Mork from orcs.
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Elvish Presley.
gentlemen
ladies
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Don't be cruel to the hobbit's crew ♪
crew
cruel
↗
⧉
↓
Thank you, girl. Thank you very much.
girl
↗
⧉
↓
Oho, Gandalf the Gray or Gandalf the Gay.
gray
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, watch where you put that staff, mister.
mister
staff
watch
↗
⧉
↓
-[both laughing] -[groans]
groans
laughing
↗
⧉
↓
I can't go on. I'm exhausted from all the riffing.
exhausted
riffing
↗
⧉
↓
Plus, he did a gay voice, and that's not okay anymore.
anymore
plus
voice
↗
⧉
↓
It's over, Gollum. We're not going to make it.
gollum
↗
⧉
↓
We're all alone, and our path is blocked.
alone
blocked
path
↗
⧉
↓
And I forgot to turn on my step counter before we left the Shire.
counter
forgot
left
step
↗
⧉
↓
-Perfect. -We could probably estimate it.
estimate
perfect
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, what, using the map?
using
↗
⧉
↓
All right, if you're going to keep being like this,
↗
⧉
↓
I don't want to be your quest buddy.
buddy
quest
↗
⧉
↓
Wait, look.
↗
⧉
↓
Where all the Robin Williams is going?
robin
williams
↗
⧉
↓
I wonder if maybe there are some private school kids
kids
private
school
school-kids
wonder
↗
⧉
↓
somewhere not seizing the day.
↗
⧉
↓
-[orc] Oh, Sauron, my Sauron. -Okay, yeah, I think it's that.
↗
⧉
↓
Should I watch these hobbits who are probably coming to destroy me?
coming
destroy
watch
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, Galadriel's showering.
showering
↗
⧉
↓
-We finally made it. -I know, and our faces
faces
finally
↗
⧉
↓
and clothes are much dirtier than when we started,
clothes
started
↗
⧉
↓
so that means the journey was lengthy and difficult.
difficult
journey
↗
⧉
↓
Now we just gotta throw the earring into the fire.
earring
fire
throw
↗
⧉
↓
[grunts]
grunts
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, no, it's the one true lord of the earrings,
earrings
lord
↗
⧉
↓
Harrison Ford.
ford
harrison
harrison-ford
↗
⧉
↓
[mumbles]
mumbles
↗
⧉
↓
Yes, Harrison, throw it into the fire.
fire
harrison
throw
↗
⧉
↓
That's the last thing Sauron wants,
wants
↗
⧉
↓
which is why he built a convenient land bridge to the fire.
bridge
built
convenient
fire
land
↗
⧉
↓
[mumbles] Fancy earring. [mumbles] Off of my plane!
earring
fancy
mumbles
plane
↗
⧉
↓
-What? -He's so stoned.
stoned
↗
⧉
↓
[grunts, exclaims]
exclaims
grunts
↗
⧉
↓
It's done.
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, so I kind of need to go die with the precious.
precious
↗
⧉
↓
All I ask is that my death scene be accompanied
accompanied
death
death-scene
scene
↗
⧉
↓
by a piece of very dramatic film score.
dramatic
film
piece
score
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Aruba, Jamaica ♪
aruba
jamaica
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, come on, man.
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama ♪
bahama
bermuda
mama
↗
⧉
↓
Welcome back, and big thanks to all the viewers
thanks
viewers
welcome
↗
⧉
↓
still sending us DMs.
sending
↗
⧉
↓
Viewer Gail K. writes, "Have y'all been to space?"
gail
space
viewer
writes
yall
↗
⧉
↓
Okay, now that's a bit tone deaf.
deaf
tone
tone-deaf
↗
⧉
↓
Viewer Ryan asks, "How did the Griffin family get to Quahog
asks
family
griffin
quahog
ryan
viewer
↗
⧉
↓
in the first place?" Funny story.
funny
funny-story
place
story
↗
⧉
↓
The Griffins' pioneer ancestors actually traveled
ancestors
griffins
pioneer
traveled
↗
⧉
↓
to Quahog on the Oregon Trail.
oregon
quahog
trail
↗
⧉
↓
The other way. Let's watch.
watch
↗
⧉
↓
Good evening and welcome to Channel 5 News Oregon.
channel
evening
news
oregon
welcome
↗
⧉
↓
Coming up, moss and lots of it.
coming
lots
moss
↗
⧉
↓
But first, in summer trends,
summer
↗
⧉
↓
there's an all-new race to be unjustifiably prejudiced against,
prejudiced
race
↗
⧉
↓
and it's called Chinese.
called
chinese
↗
⧉
↓
Man, Oregon sucks so bad.
oregon
sucks
↗
⧉
↓
For a state called the Beaver State,
beaver
called
state
↗
⧉
↓
this place is a sausage fest.
fest
place
sausage
↗
⧉
↓
I'm with Pioneer Chris. Having to pay for everything in otter pelts is a hassle.
chris
hassle
having
otter
pelts
pioneer
↗
⧉
↓
Also, the Megs keep dying.
dying
megs
↗
⧉
↓
[sighs]
sighs
↗
⧉
↓
You, you're the inside Meg now. The rest of you,
rest
↗
⧉
↓
come bury your sister very shallowly.
bury
sister
↗
⧉
↓
You know, I hear tell of a majestic territory
majestic
territory
↗
⧉
↓
somewhere out yonder called Quahog, Rhode Island.
called
island
quahog
rhode
rhode-island
↗
⧉
↓
Ooh, I've heard the same.
heard
↗
⧉
↓
They say there's a whole small world out east
east
whole
world
↗
⧉
↓
with minimal land just ripe for the taking.
land
minimal
ripe
↗
⧉
↓
Why, it's the American destiny. Manifest retreat.
american
destiny
manifest
retreat
↗
⧉
↓
Oregon's not so bad, guys. What about the microbrews?
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] Silly beer. We're staying in Oregon.
beer
laughs
oregon
silly
staying
↗
⧉
↓
And finally, tonight in sports,
finally
sports
tonight
↗
⧉
↓
hope is high for Oregon's premier athlete,
athlete
hope
premier
↗
⧉
↓
Steve Pre-Pre-Pre-Prefontaine.
steve
↗
⧉
↓
We're leaving.
leaving
↗
⧉
↓
Ah, the journey begins.
begins
journey
↗
⧉
↓
And we've already lost a Meg to dysentery.
lost
↗
⧉
↓
Please, just don't put the cause of death on my tombstone.
death
↗
⧉
↓
Nah, people need to know you died gross.
died
gross
↗
⧉
↓
Explosive feels like an unnecessary detail.
detail
explosive
feels
unnecessary
↗
⧉
↓
How's the Oregon Trail going for everyone so far, huh?
oregon
trail
↗
⧉
↓
Are we having a good Oregon Trail?
having
oregon
trail
↗
⧉
↓
Let me know when you need snacks.
snacks
↗
⧉
↓
Brian, does this Stewie want to kill Lois?
brian
kill
lois
stewie
↗
⧉
↓
Uh, I don't know.
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, I'm not really sure what the rules are.
rules
↗
⧉
↓
I think I'm just gonna kind of lay low until this one finishes.
finishes
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, no, we weren't counting on this river.
counting
river
↗
⧉
↓
But is there some way around it?
↗
⧉
↓
I don't know. Maybe we could check the map.
check
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, yeah, let's check the very helpful map.
check
helpful
↗
⧉
↓
-Chris. -Hey, guys, while you've been bickering,
bickering
chris
↗
⧉
↓
we lost another three Megs.
another
lost
lost-another
megs
three
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, I guess we could use the dead Megs as a raft
dead
megs
raft
↗
⧉
↓
and float across the river.
float
river
↗
⧉
↓
I'm being facetious, of course.
course
↗
⧉
↓
I don't think we should use the Megs.
megs
↗
⧉
↓
One Meg raft later.
raft
↗
⧉
↓
We're lost! What are we going to do?
lost
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, I think Chris is starting to lose it.
chris
lose
starting
↗
⧉
↓
He's over there hosting a Real Housewives reunion with snowmen.
real
reunion
↗
⧉
↓
Okay, let her talk. We're gonna let her talk,
↗
⧉
↓
and then we're gonna hear what you're trying to say.
↗
⧉
↓
We're in real trouble, guys.
real
trouble
↗
⧉
↓
If we don't find a way off this mountain
mountain
↗
⧉
↓
like now, we're gonna die up here.
↗
⧉
↓
All right, give me one second. I'm gonna go pray on this,
pray
second
↗
⧉
↓
because human brain's as stupid back now.
brains
human
stupid
↗
⧉
↓
God, it's me,
↗
⧉
↓
Peter Griffin's pioneer ancestor.
griffins
peter
pioneer
↗
⧉
↓
My family is lost, and we need your help.
family
lost
↗
⧉
↓
Please send an angel who will deliver us to safety in Rhode Island.
angel
deliver
island
rhode
rhode-island
safety
send
↗
⧉
↓
God, if you do this for us, I promise to stop kicking over
kicking
promise
↗
⧉
↓
grave markers I see on the side of the trail.
grave
side
trail
↗
⧉
↓
Amen.
amen
↗
⧉
↓
-Peter, I... -[exclaims]
exclaims
peter
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, boy. Okay, God,
↗
⧉
↓
if you could just send one more angel.
angel
send
↗
⧉
↓
Look, I'm putting the gun down.
putting
↗
⧉
↓
And maybe he could come out in front of me where it's not a surprise.
front
surprise
↗
⧉
↓
-Hey. -Hey, man.
↗
⧉
↓
Look, just be cool, all right?
cool
↗
⧉
↓
I'm just going to do a pioneer miracle for you
miracle
pioneer
↗
⧉
↓
and your family, all right?
family
↗
⧉
↓
Nobody else needs to get hurt. You already shot Jerry.
hurt
jerry
needs
nobody
shot
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, he had a name. Now I feel worse.
name
worse
↗
⧉
↓
He didn't have a family, though, right?
family
↗
⧉
↓
-Angels don't have families. -Let's just do this.
angels
families
↗
⧉
↓
There. That's Quahog, Rhode Island.
island
quahog
rhode
rhode-island
↗
⧉
↓
Sweet. Hey, guys, come on. I found Quahog all by myself.
found
quahog
sweet
↗
⧉
↓
[♪ bluegrass music playing]
music
music-playing
playing
↗
⧉
↓
Ha-ya! 10 points for Peter Griffin.
griffin
peter
peter-griffin
points
↗
⧉
↓
That puts Griffin at 620 points total,
griffin
points
total
↗
⧉
↓
a new Oregon Trail record. [exhales]
exhales
oregon
record
trail
↗
⧉
↓
Well, family, we made it.
family
↗
⧉
↓
And with just one Meg to spare.
spare
↗
⧉
↓
Welcome home, everyone.
home
welcome
welcome-home
↗
⧉
↓
Peter, doesn't this house belong to someone else?
belong
house
peter
↗
⧉
↓
Not for long. Hey, guys, you had a thousand years
thousand
thousand-years
years
↗
⧉
↓
to invent guns, and you didn't, so sorry.
guns
invent
↗
⧉
↓
I know, I know this sucks,
sucks
↗
⧉
↓
but all of America did this, so it's not just me, so it's okay.
america
↗
⧉
↓
[sighs] Terrific.
sighs
terrific
↗
⧉
↓
Let's never teach about that in our schools.
schools
teach
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, that's kind of a sad ending for Native Americans.
americans
ending
native
↗
⧉
↓
Eh, it's not so bad.
↗
⧉
↓
In 200 years, what's left of the Doobie Brothers
brothers
doobie
left
years
↗
⧉
↓
is gonna play at their casino.
casino
↗
⧉
↓
Well, it's good to finally be settled in New England.
england
finally
settled
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, but you better get going.
↗
⧉
↓
Why?
↗
⧉
↓
Because the only profession in 19th century New England
century
england
profession
↗
⧉
↓
is being soaking wet on a whaling boat.
boat
soaking
↗
⧉
↓
[thunderclap]
thunderclap
↗
⧉
↓
It is a whale.
whale
↗
⧉
↓
That's not the one specific whale that made me angry a few years back.
angry
specific
whale
years
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, God. New England stinks until Tom Brady.
brady
england
stinks
↗
⧉
↓
Welcome back. The DMs from viewers are still rolling in.
rolling
viewers
welcome
↗
⧉
↓
Javier writes, "Hey guys, since The Cleveland Show
cleveland
writes
↗
⧉
↓
was such a big success, I wonder if you've considered
considered
success
wonder
↗
⧉
↓
giving Quagmire a show of his own."
giving
quagmire
↗
⧉
↓
Well, Javier, big success might be overly charitable,
charitable
might
overly
success
↗
⧉
↓
but as it happens, Quagmire actually did have
happens
quagmire
↗
⧉
↓
his very own variety show back in the 1960s.
variety
↗
⧉
↓
We've tracked down the only existing episode.
episode
existing
tracked
↗
⧉
↓
Let's check it out.
check
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, gang, I'm Glenn Quagmire, and this is the Giggity Good Time Hour.
gang
giggity
glenn
glenn-quagmire
hour
quagmire
↗
⧉
↓
Let's open the show as we always do by totally ruining a current song.
current
open
ruining
song
↗
⧉
↓
[♪ '60s theme music playing]
music
music-playing
playing
theme
theme-music
theme-music-playing
↗
⧉
↓
♪ This one has got some very large boobies ♪
boobies
↗
⧉
↓
♪ That one has got a very nice can ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ They all are dancing very close to me ♪
close
dancing
↗
⧉
↓
♪ That's why I say giggity ♪
giggity
↗
⧉
↓
[audience clapping]
audience
audience-clapping
clapping
↗
⧉
↓
-[audience whistling, exclaiming] -Thanks, hon.
audience
audience-whistling
exclaiming
thanks
whistling
↗
⧉
↓
Keep them coming till the '70s get here.
coming
till
↗
⧉
↓
Whoa, how'd you all get in my house?
house
howd
whoa
↗
⧉
↓
[all laughing]
laughing
↗
⧉
↓
The implication being that I've had so much to drink,
drink
implication
↗
⧉
↓
I don't know where I am. But, no, I don't have
↗
⧉
↓
-a pranking problem, a drinking problem. -[all laughing]
drinking
drinking-problem
laughing
problem
↗
⧉
↓
[continues laughing]
continues
laughing
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, we got a great show for you tonight.
tonight
↗
⧉
↓
Now stay tuned while I vamp with this piece of on-set furniture,
furniture
piece
tuned
↗
⧉
↓
and that somehow counts as entertainment.
counts
entertainment
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] Whoa! Whoa!
laughs
whoa
whoa-whoa
↗
⧉
↓
Have you ever seen such furniture? Oh, boy!
furniture
seen
↗
⧉
↓
We are having a wild time tonight.
having
tonight
wild
↗
⧉
↓
Whoa! Hey, won't somebody help me with this crazy couch?
couch
crazy
somebody
whoa
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs]
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
You're watching the Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour
giggity
glenn
glenn-quagmire
glenn-quagmire-giggity
hour
quagmire
quagmire-giggity
watching
↗
⧉
↓
with special guests Orson Welles,
guests
orson
special
↗
⧉
↓
Tiny Tex, the Little Person Cowboy,
cowboy
person
tiny
↗
⧉
↓
the Giggity Good Time Gals, and the winner
gals
giggity
winner
↗
⧉
↓
of the Man Booker Prize for Narrative Nonfiction,
narrative
prize
↗
⧉
↓
Professor Sharon Feinblatt of Cornell University.
professor
sharon
university
↗
⧉
↓
Brought to you by DuPont Chemical.
brought
chemical
dupont
↗
⧉
↓
DuPont, thank God you can't Google us yet.
dupont
google
↗
⧉
↓
-Whoo! -Thanks, doll.
doll
thanks
whoo
↗
⧉
↓
This is almost it for me.
↗
⧉
↓
Just 18 more, okay? [laughs]
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
Because I drink so much, 18 drinks feels like not that many drinks.
drink
drinks
feels
↗
⧉
↓
[Peter] Stop saying the premise of the joke you just said.
joke
peter
premise
↗
⧉
↓
Just tell the joke.
joke
↗
⧉
↓
[knock on door]
door
knock
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, somebody's at the Giggity Good Time door.
door
giggity
somebodys
↗
⧉
↓
I'm sure it's not something wild and outrageous.
outrageous
wild
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] What?
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
This is the last thing I expected to see.
expected
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] They just keep coming. Look at all this. Wow!
coming
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] This is the Wally. Freaking easy, buddy.
buddy
easy
freaking
laughs
wally
↗
⧉
↓
Idiot.
idiot
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] Oh, so many band people.
band
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
Noise equals fun.
equals
fun
noise
↗
⧉
↓
What could possibly be zanier? [laughs]
laughs
possibly
↗
⧉
↓
We hope you're enjoying the Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour.
enjoying
giggity
glenn
glenn-quagmire
glenn-quagmire-giggity
hope
hour
quagmire
quagmire-giggity
↗
⧉
↓
Sponsored by Housewife Screaming Bags.
bags
housewife
screaming
sponsored
↗
⧉
↓
We know you're frustrated, ladies.
frustrated
ladies
↗
⧉
↓
Scream into this bag.
scream
↗
⧉
↓
And now, here's Glenn with the only reasonably attractive zookeeper
attractive
glenn
↗
⧉
↓
in the Western Hemisphere.
western
↗
⧉
↓
-Now, who's this guy? -This is Chloe.
chloe
↗
⧉
↓
She's seven years old. And don't worry,
seven
seven-years
worry
years
↗
⧉
↓
she only panics around cigarette smoke and hair tonic.
cigarette
hair
smoke
tonic
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, boy.
↗
⧉
↓
This reminds me of my weekend at Lake George with Ava Gardner.
george
lake
reminds
weekend
↗
⧉
↓
Go to break.
break
↗
⧉
↓
Take it away, Smokey the sock puppet.
puppet
smokey
sock
↗
⧉
↓
The Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour will be back in just a minute.
giggity
glenn
glenn-quagmire
glenn-quagmire-giggity
hour
minute
quagmire
quagmire-giggity
↗
⧉
↓
No ifs, ands, or butts. [hacks, coughs]
butts
coughs
hacks
↗
⧉
↓
And we're back with the lovely Dr. Sharon Feinblatt,
lovely
sharon
↗
⧉
↓
here to talk about her new book.
book
↗
⧉
↓
Now, what is it, Sharon?
sharon
↗
⧉
↓
It's called Days of Disorder, Weimar Germany and the Birth of Modernity.
birth
called
days
disorder
germany
↗
⧉
↓
Fascinating. Get up and give us a little spin, would you?
fascinating
spin
↗
⧉
↓
-Uh, um... What? -I'm just joshing.
↗
⧉
↓
Please go on while I bite my fist in a caricature of sexual longing.
bite
fist
sexual
↗
⧉
↓
So, um, my book posits that on its own merits,
book
↗
⧉
↓
Weimar Germany was a fascinating laboratory
fascinating
germany
laboratory
↗
⧉
↓
of cultural innovation.
cultural
innovation
↗
⧉
↓
Great, and can you share some of the recipes from the book?
book
share
↗
⧉
↓
Uh, excuse me?
excuse
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] The joke being that if a woman wrote a book in these times,
book
joke
laughs
times
woman
wrote
↗
⧉
↓
it's obviously a cookbook.
obviously
↗
⧉
↓
-[Peter] You're doing it again. -This was a mistake.
mistake
peter
↗
⧉
↓
I am leaving.
leaving
↗
⧉
↓
And you should see a doctor about your sweating.
doctor
sweating
↗
⧉
↓
-It's a real problem. -Oh, come on.
problem
real
real-problem
↗
⧉
↓
You haven't even danced in the giant birdcage yet.
danced
giant
↗
⧉
↓
Please give Dr. Feinblatt a big hand while I scream at an off-screen producer.
hand
producer
scream
screen
↗
⧉
↓
Who booked that person? No, no, Roy.
booked
person
↗
⧉
↓
You can't just show me a picture and I say yes,
picture
↗
⧉
↓
and then you don't tell me what she's about, Roy.
↗
⧉
↓
Do your job, Roy.
↗
⧉
↓
Stay tuned for more of The Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour,
giggity
glenn
glenn-quagmire
glenn-quagmire-giggity
hour
quagmire
quagmire-giggity
tuned
↗
⧉
↓
brought to you by Milk at Dinner.
brought
dinner
milk
↗
⧉
↓
It's still the '60s, so wash down your dinner
dinner
wash
↗
⧉
↓
with a big glass of milk like a psychopath.
glass
milk
psychopath
↗
⧉
↓
[audience whistling, exclaiming]
audience
audience-whistling
exclaiming
whistling
↗
⧉
↓
Mr. Quagmire, Dr. Dentist Orson Welles
dentist
orson
quagmire
↗
⧉
↓
will see you now.
↗
⧉
↓
My God, I played King Lear in the West End.
king
lear
played
west
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah, well, I'd like to Lear at her West End. [laughs]
laughs
lear
west
↗
⧉
↓
-Doctor, I brought... -[audience whistling and exclaiming]
audience
audience-whistling
brought
doctor
exclaiming
whistling
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, guys, guys, not this one, okay?
↗
⧉
↓
This is my niece.
niece
↗
⧉
↓
She's in this sketch as a favor to my brother, all right?
brother
favor
sketch
↗
⧉
↓
-Go ahead, Denise. -I brought the patient's bill.
ahead
bill
brought
denise
go-ahead
patients
↗
⧉
↓
-[all laughing] -Oh, my God.
laughing
↗
⧉
↓
Can you imagine? Oh, this will be so expensive.
expensive
imagine
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, my God. It just keeps going.
keeps
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] Have you ever? It's just the craziest.
craziest
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
Well, ladies and gentlemen, our time is up.
gentlemen
ladies
↗
⧉
↓
And not just our time for this episode.
episode
↗
⧉
↓
The entire 1960s have concluded.
concluded
entire
↗
⧉
↓
And the '70s will have no time for this [bleep].
bleep
↗
⧉
↓
So for now,
↗
⧉
↓
♪ How drippy can one guy be? ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Three pints of moisture on me ♪
moisture
three
↗
⧉
↓
♪ And you're asking I bet, why is he looking so wet? ♪
asking
looking
↗
⧉
↓
These lights are very hot, ladies and gentlemen. Good night.
gentlemen
ladies
lights
night
↗
⧉
↓
Thanks for watching The Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour,
giggity
glenn
glenn-quagmire
glenn-quagmire-giggity
hour
quagmire
quagmire-giggity
thanks
watching
↗
⧉
↓
brought to you by Step-Son Beating Belts.
beating
belts
brought
step
↗
⧉
↓
He's not your son, but he'll do what you say
↗
⧉
↓
with Step-Son Beating Belts.
beating
belts
step
↗
⧉
↓
Well, we've had a good time tonight.
tonight
↗
⧉
↓
But as you can see, our bow ties are now undone
ties
undone
↗
⧉
↓
and our shirt collars are open which indicates the end
collars
indicates
open
shirt
↗
⧉
↓
of a long, crazy night.
crazy
night
↗
⧉
↓
[Peter] I said stop doing that.
peter
↗
⧉
↓
Thanks to everyone who sent in DMs
sent
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
and to any female fans who got direct responses
direct
fans
female
↗
⧉
↓
from me last night, I was hacked.
hacked
night
↗
⧉
↓
-We hope you enjoyed the show and... -[knocking at door]
door
enjoyed
hope
knocking
↗
⧉
↓
What? Who could possibly be knocking at the Stewie Griffin Super Fun Door?
door
fun
griffin
knocking
possibly
stewie
super
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, this better not be something crazy.
crazy
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] What a delightful surprise.
delightful
laughs
surprise
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, my goodness, they just keep coming and coming.
coming
goodness
↗
⧉
↓
Oh, there's so many of them.
↗
⧉
↓
Have you ever been so entertained? [laughing]
entertained
laughing
↗
⧉
↓
[♪ closing theme music playing]
closing
closing-theme
closing-theme-music
music
music-playing
playing
theme
theme-music
theme-music-playing
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