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Home » South Park » S26E02 — The Worldwide Privacy Tour

South Park

Season 26, Episode 2 — The Worldwide Privacy Tour

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: The Worldwide Privacy Tour

Air date: February 15, 2023

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mona Marshall, Jennifer Howell

The prince of Canada and his wife try to find privacy and seclusion in a small mountain town.

Source: TMDB

↓

* I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time *

goin park south south-park

↓

* Friendly faces everywhere *

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

* Humble folks without temptation *

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

* Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind *

behind goin park south south-park woes woes-behind

↓

* Ample parking day or night *

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

* People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" *

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

* Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind *

heading park south south-park unwind

↓

* Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! *

mrph mrph-rmhmhm rmhmhm

↓

* Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine *

friends meet park south south-park

↓

Today is a tragic day for Canada.

canada today tragic

↓

Thousands of Canadians have gathered to mourn

canadians gathered mourn thousands

↓

the passing of their beloved mother.

beloved mother passing

↓

The Queen is dead.

dead queen

↓

The Queen is dead *

dead queen

↓

Every Canadian everywhere

canadian

↓

is feeling absolute emptiness right now.

absolute feeling

↓

Oh, God, she's dead *

dead

↓

And now the casket is brought down the aisle

aisle brought casket

↓

with the Queen inside.

queen

↓

The Queen's body being carried by the royal guard.

body carried guard queens royal

↓

What a horrible day for Canada and therefore the world.

canada horrible therefore world

↓

Not the Queen *

queen

↓

She is dead *

dead

↓

Ike, the Queen died like four months ago.

died four four-months months queen

↓

You gotta let it go.

↓

And here comes Canada's most beloved musician,

beloved comes musician

↓

Sir Smelly John.

john smelly

↓

Yes, Smelly John is sitting down at the piano

john piano sitting smelly

↓

with a tribute for the Queen, I believe.

believe queen tribute

↓

* Goodbye, queefy Queen *

goodbye queen

↓

* Seems as though you've queefed your last queef *

queef seems

↓

it's my turn to use the computer.

computer

↓

Ike, me and my friends are playing "Darktide" right now.

friends playing

↓

Get off! Fuck you, Kyle!

fuck kyle

↓

Oh, and now people are starting to stare angrily.

angrily stare starting

↓

Y-Yes, it looks like the Prince and his new wife

prince wife

↓

have just shown up.

shown

↓

The Prince and his wife have, of course,

course prince wife

↓

been bashing the Canadian monarchy.

bashing canadian

↓

A lot of Canadians hate them now.

canadians hate

↓

Oh, and I belive the Earl of Halifax

earl

↓

has just farted on the Prince's wife's face!

face farted princes wifes

↓

The Prince seems to have taken offense to this.

offense prince seems taken

↓

Oh, this is bad now.

↓

Ike, I'm playing "Darktide" with my friends.

friends playing

↓

No, get off me!

↓

Hey, guys.

↓

Kyle, dude, where were you last night?

kyle night

↓

Yeah, we were all waiting.

waiting

↓

I haven't been showing up for things, but...

showing

↓

but I got screwed by my little brother.

brother screwed

↓

He just keeps crying about the Queen.

crying keeps queen

↓

And then there's this Prince and his wife

prince wife

↓

and they're bashing the Canadian monarchy.

bashing canadian

↓

I guess it's like people don't even know

↓

why they showed up to the funeral

funeral showed

↓

But, anyway, I'm really sorry I ruined game time for everyone.

game ruined

↓

You didn't ruin it for anyone. We played without you.

played ruin

↓

What? Y-You guys, we... we said we'd all level up together.

level

↓

Well, yeah, we're all like level 12 now.

level

↓

We got some sweet drip, dude.

drip sweet

↓

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

mrph mrph-rmhmhm rmhmhm

↓

But this isn't fair, it wasn't my fault.

fair fault

↓

Hey, guys. Did you get to upgrade your rifle, Stan?

rifle stan upgrade

↓

Yeah, it's got a lot better range now.

range

↓

What about you?

↓

I kept the same gun, but I got some sweet drip.

drip sweet

↓

Nice, sweet drip, dude.

drip sweet

↓

It stinks, doesn't it?

stinks

↓

What stinks?

stinks

↓

When people make certain judgements about you.

certain

↓

I've been watching you, Kyle,

kyle watching

↓

and I can see you're having some problems with your brand.

brand having problems

↓

My brand?

brand

↓

Some kids call it your credibility

credibility kids

↓

or your reputation,

reputation

↓

but those things are just little parts

parts

↓

of something much more important...

↓

your brand.

brand

↓

Think about it, Kyle.

kyle

↓

Who are you?

↓

I'm just... I-I'm just me.

↓

See? You don't know what your brand is.

brand

↓

So how is anyone else supposed to know?

supposed

↓

It's like a commercial for Kyle,

commercial kyle

↓

but you're not putting a label on the jar.

label putting

↓

Butters, this seems very out of character for you.

butters character seems

↓

That's because I've been workin' on my brand.

brand workin

↓

My parents saw that my brand wasn't working with people

brand parents working

↓

so they sent me to brand management.

brand management sent

↓

Brand management?

brand management

↓

Hi, Mr. Davis.

davis

↓

Well, Butters Stotch. How you doing there, Butters?

butters

↓

How's the brand going?

brand

↓

I made two new friends, and a girl asked me

asked friends girl

↓

to help her with her homework.

homework

↓

Well, there ya go there, Butters.

butters

↓

My friend Kyle here was thinking of reworking his brand a bit,

brand friend friend-kyle kyle thinking

↓

and I told him maybe you could help.

↓

Oh, well, sure there, Kyle,

kyle

↓

let's just get you to fill out a CumHammer survey,

cumhammer fill survey

↓

and then we'll go in the back

↓

and come up with some options for ya.

options

↓

it's "Good Morning, Canada."

canada morning

↓

It has been several months now

months several

↓

since our beloved Queen has died.

beloved died queen

↓

All Canadians are finding it hard to go on.

canadians finding hard

↓

All Canadians, that is, except for our first guests,

canadians except guests

↓

The Prince and his wife.

prince wife

↓

We want privacy! We want privacy!

privacy

↓

Thanks for having us on the show.

having thanks

↓

It's so awesome to be here. It's great.

awesome

↓

So let me start with you, sir.

start

↓

You lived a life with the royal family,

family life lived royal

↓

you had everything handed to you

handed

↓

but you say your life has been hard,

hard life

↓

and you've written all aboot it in your new book, "Waaagh."

book written

↓

Yes that's right, fwiend.

↓

You see, my wife and I are...

wife

↓

I was totally like, "You should write a book

book write

↓

'cause you're family's, like, stupid,

familys stupid

↓

and then so are, like, journalists."

journalists

↓

So you hate journalists?

hate journalists

↓

That's right.

↓

that reports on the lives of the royal family.

family lives reports royal

↓

Right.

↓

So you're a journalist.

↓

We just want to be normal people.

normal

↓

All this attention is so hard.

attention hard

↓

Isn't it true, sir, that your questionable wife

wife

↓

has her own TV show and hangs out with celebrities

celebrities hangs

↓

and does fashion magazines?

fashion magazines

↓

What are you suggesting?

suggesting

↓

Well, I just think some people might say

might

↓

that your Instagram-loving bitch wife

bitch instagram loving wife

↓

actually doesn't want her privacy.

privacy

↓

How dare you, sir!

dare

↓

My Instagram-loving bitch wife has always wanted her privacy!

bitch instagram loving privacy wanted wife

↓

And you know what else? To hell with Canada.

canada

↓

We are leaving.

leaving

↓

We'll go find some quiet place

place quiet

↓

where we can be normal people.

normal

↓

Come on, wife.

wife

↓

We want privacy! We want privacy!

privacy

↓

* Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on *

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on *

↓

We want privacy! We want privacy!

privacy

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* Come on, come on, come on *

↓

* 'Cause we want some privacy *

privacy

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* Come on, come on, come on *

↓

* Because we need some privacy *

privacy

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

We want privacy! We want privacy!

privacy

↓

* The Worldwide Privacy Tour is coming soon to your town *

coming privacy privacy-tour tour town worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* We're coming soon to your town, give us privacy *

coming privacy town

↓

We want privacy! We want privacy!

privacy

↓

* Come on, come on, come on *

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on *

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* Come on, come on, come on *

↓

* 'Cause we want some privacy *

privacy

↓

* It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour *

privacy privacy-tour tour worldwide worldwide-privacy worldwide-privacy-tour

↓

* Come on, come on, come on *

↓

* Because we need some privacy *

privacy

↓

Alright there, Kyle, we got your survey answers,

alright answers kyle survey

↓

and I think we've put together some great ideas for your brand.

brand ideas

↓

I understand you want people to like you more

↓

and think you're cool.

cool

↓

Is that right?

↓

Alright, well, let's see how this brand works for you.

alright brand works

↓

We got... Kyle... Rugged. Vegan. Compassionate. Victim.

compassionate kyle vegan victim

↓

I... I don't think that's really me.

↓

Well, that's fine 'cause there's a lot of different

↓

brands people are attracted to. How about this one?

attracted

↓

Kyle... Sensitive. Outdoorsy. Frugal. Victim.

kyle outdoorsy sensitive victim

↓

I'm not... I'm not that outdoorsy.

outdoorsy

↓

Okay, well, remember there, Kyle,

kyle remember

↓

it's not so much about who you are as much as it is

↓

about what people are attracted to, okay?

attracted

↓

So let's see, how about this?

↓

Kyle... Wealthy. Handsome.

handsome kyle wealthy

↓

Multi-talented Grammy Award-Winning. Victim.

award award-winning multi talented victim winning

↓

Oh, that... that one's taken already.

ones taken

↓

Sorry. Hold on.

↓

Just a minute, Kyle.

kyle minute

↓

We're gonna find a good one here for you.

↓

You'll see, Kyle.

kyle

↓

When you have your brand up and runnin,'

brand runnin

↓

no one can stop you.

↓

Look at this town. There's just something about it.

town

↓

Oh, darling. I think this might be the place.

darling might place

↓

You really think so?

↓

It's so quiet and empty here.

empty quiet

↓

If we moved here, then people would think

moved

↓

we're really serious about wanting to be normal.

normal serious wanting

↓

It does seem perfect, doesn't it?

perfect

↓

We can have a fresh start here.

fresh start

↓

Lead a normal life and have babies.

babies lead life normal normal-life

↓

Can we? Can we really move here and finally have our privacy?

finally privacy

↓

My love, I will do anything for your privacy.

love privacy

↓

The couch goes in the first room!

couch room

↓

Ay, be careful with that TV, buddy!

buddy careful

↓

Drum set goes on the second floor.

drum floor second second-floor

↓

Wait. Put it down.

↓

I want to make sure it isn't damaged.

damaged

↓

What the hell?

↓

Hey! Hey, you!

↓

Hey, what are you looking at?!

looking

↓

You ever heard of privacy?!

heard privacy

↓

What?

↓

You guys, I am so sorry.

↓

I totally was going to play with you guys online

online

↓

but the Prince of Canada and his wife

canada prince wife

↓

moved in across the street from me.

moved street

↓

They have this huge jet parked in front of my house

front house huge parked

↓

and then they kept trying to get me to buy their stupid book

book stupid

↓

and... and, anyway, I'm sorry I messed up another game night.

another game messed night

↓

It's okay, dude, we had a great time.

↓

Yeah, we are literally dripping with drip.

drip dripping

↓

Well, I just want you guys to know

↓

that I am a reliable, fun-loving, punctual victim.

fun loving reliable victim

↓

'Kay, well, we gotta get to class.

class

↓

I'm really working on myself!

working

↓

You're gonna like what you see!

↓

As a child, you see the world in a different way.

child world

↓

You see the wonder in nature, and you're starting to learn

learn nature starting wonder

↓

more about yourself all the time.

↓

And you're learning that there's something more important

learning

↓

than you ever thought... your brand.

brand

↓

It's what defines you.

defines

↓

And with brand management, you can make sure

brand management

↓

others see you the way they want to see you.

others

↓

Welcome to your CumHammer Work tutorial.

cumhammer welcome

↓

You are taking the first steps to making your brand

brand steps

↓

a great one.

↓

By now you've received your workbook

received

↓

and also your brand slide tool

brand slide tool

↓

and CumHammer social-media drive

cumhammer drive media social social-media

↓

which will be used in this video.

used video

↓

Now, if you're ready, let's start the exercises

exercises ready start

↓

on page five of your workbook.

five page

↓

Yeah!

↓

Respect our privacy!

privacy respect

↓

Leave us alone!

alone

↓

Down with the monarchy!

↓

We just want our privacy!

privacy

↓

God, fuck these people!

fuck

↓

Why are we so mad today?

today

↓

Because we want our privacy!

privacy

↓

Park County Police Station. What's your emergency?

county emergency park police police-station station

↓

Yeah, the neighbors across the street are setting off fireworks

fireworks neighbors setting street

↓

and it's 10:30 at night!

night

↓

Oh, is it the Prince of Canada and his wife,

canada prince wife

↓

who just want to be left alone?

alone left left-alone

↓

Yes.

↓

They're being super loud, and I'm trying to work on my brand!

brand loud super

↓

Oh, God damn it.

↓

Now the prince is playing polo on the lawn!

lawn playing prince

↓

We are here because privacy is a basic human right.

basic human privacy

↓

How many more princes and his wives

princes wives

↓

have to live in this nightmare?

live nightmare

↓

Hey, can you two fucking keep it down?!

fucking

↓

Oy!

↓

You ever heard of a thing called "privacy"?!

called heard privacy

↓

Yeah, nobody gives a shit.

gives nobody nobody-gives

↓

Will you two just shut up, and go away?!

↓

It seriously is driving me crazy!

crazy driving

↓

The prince plays drums all day. I don't think he even has a job.

drums plays prince

↓

And I don't know what the hell she does.

↓

Why they even left Canada is beyond me.

beyond canada left

↓

And, like, she seems to just boss him around,

boss seems

↓

and make him do whatever she wants.

wants

↓

I mean, why did they even leave Canada

canada

↓

and move to South Park, anyway?

park south south-park

↓

Stan, are you gonna say something?

stan

↓

You say it.

↓

Say what?

↓

Look, Kyle...

kyle

↓

We just kinda don't care about some dumb prince

care dumb kinda prince

↓

and his stupid wife.

stupid wife

↓

I don't care about them either!

care

↓

So, then why do you talk about them all the time?

↓

Dude, we're just kind of sick of hearing about them.

hearing sick

↓

I'm sick of hearing about them!

hearing sick

↓

But I can't get away from them!

↓

They're everywhere! In my fucking face!

face fucking fucking-face

↓

Yeah, and now you're putting 'em in our fucking face.

face fucking fucking-face putting

↓

Fine, I won't talk about them anymore.

anymore

↓

Thank you.

↓

Okay, just one last thing... did you know the prince sleeps-

prince sleeps

↓

I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

↓

The problem with you is you want results without the work.

problem results

↓

You can't just say you're a certain thing,

certain

↓

and then expect people to just like your brand.

brand expect

↓

You gotta work it, sell people on it.

sell

↓

But I just don't feel like my brand

brand

↓

is who I really am on the inside.

↓

You know, Kyle, some people think

kyle

↓

it's what's inside you that matters.

matters

↓

But people can't see inside you.

↓

They can only see what kind of drink you're drinking.

drink drinking

↓

That's what matters.

matters

↓

I guess so.

↓

Now, I'm gonna help you with a new brand,

brand

↓

but you've got to work on it.

↓

What do you want your friends to think about you?

friends

↓

I want them to think I'm not gonna complain about things,

complain

↓

I'm more thick-skinned.

thick

↓

Okay. This is good. This is good.

↓

And I want people to think I'm stronger, mentally,

mentally stronger

↓

than I probably am.

↓

Okay. Okay. I think we got it.

↓

People are gonna love this.

love

↓

Kyle... he's a thick-skinned, super cool,

cool kyle super super-cool thick

↓

nothing bothers him victim.

bothers victim

↓

I just don't know if I can...

↓

You're goin' off brand already!

brand goin

↓

Remember, no matter what, nothing bothers you.

bothers matter remember

↓

I don't care. Don't care.

care

↓

What the hell? What'd he just say?

whatd

↓

He victimized me!

↓

It's because I'm an ethnic woman!

ethnic woman

↓

He can't do that! I'll see...

↓

Wait, you're ethnic? This is an outrage!

ethnic outrage

↓

We'll just see how he deals with my blue penis!

blue deals penis

↓

Hey!

↓

Have some respect for this privacy!

privacy respect

↓

Don't worry, my love,

love worry

↓

he's not gonna get away with this.

↓

Hey, guys! How you doin?!

doin

↓

Good. How are you?

↓

I'm great. Got some good sleep last night.

night sleep

↓

Just letting' things roll right off my back, you know?

letting roll

↓

'Cause that's the kind of guy I am.

↓

Cool.

cool

↓

Hey, do you guys wanna play Darktide after school?

school

↓

Or if not, whatever. I'm cool either way.

cool

↓

Yeah, I'm sure we can figure that out.

figure

↓

Cool. Whatever. I'm care-free and unflappable.

care cool free

↓

I'll catch you guys at lunch!

catch lunch

↓

Wow, Kyle, you seem really different.

kyle

↓

Do you like it?

↓

Uh, Sure.

↓

Thanks, Jimmy.

jimmy thanks

↓

But you know, I really need to thank a good friend.

friend

↓

He introduced me to a way of becoming a more stable person.

becoming introduced person stable

↓

Have you seen Butters?

butters seen

↓

Butters? Oh, sure.

butters

↓

He's out on the playground,

playground

↓

getting the shit beat out of him by Bebe.

beat bebe

↓

What?

↓

Mother! Fucker!

fucker mother

↓

Don't ever say that shit again!

↓

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

What the hell is going on?!

↓

I wasn't even doing anything, and he came up,

↓

and started talking shit to me!

started

↓

Yeah, everyone likes a guy that's strong and assertive,

assertive likes strong

↓

so I told Bebe to go fuck herself.

bebe fuck

↓

Who do you even think you are?!

↓

You want some more of this, you dumb slut?

dumb slut

↓

Butters, what are you doing?

butters

↓

This isn't you.

↓

Hey, Kyle, will you relax.

kyle relax

↓

You're kind of fucking up my brand.

brand fucking

↓

Okay, that does it... come on, Butters.

butters

↓

You're going back to CumHammer.

cumhammer

↓

You're lucky he saved your ass!

lucky saved

↓

Fuck you, you fucking bitch!

bitch fuck fucking fucking-bitch

↓

The most important thing about your brand is being flexible.

brand flexible

↓

We want to make sure you're completely satisfied.

completely satisfied

↓

You say you're having some problems?

having problems

↓

That's right!

↓

There's this horrible spy

horrible

↓

who lives across the street from us,

lives street

↓

and we're gonna get him back by changing our brand!

brand changing

↓

All right.

↓

And I do see you're in our database,

database

↓

but you didn't first get help at this CumHammer location?

cumhammer location

↓

No.

↓

My wife went to one in California as a child.

california child wife

↓

Ah. Okay.

↓

Then you must be in the national system.

must national system

↓

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Is this you?

↓

"Sorority girl, Actress, Influencer, Victim."

actress girl sorority victim

↓

Yeah. That's totally me.

↓

Okay. I see.

↓

And then, you added your husband

added husband

↓

to your Friends and Family account.

account family friends

↓

You must be the "Royal prince, millionaire,

millionaire must prince royal

↓

world traveler, victim."

traveler victim world

↓

That's right.

↓

Come on, Butters.

butters

↓

Hello?

↓

Oh, hey there. Just gimme a minute.

minute

↓

I'm with some other clients right now, there, Kyle.

clients kyle

↓

Uh, no. This is an emergency.

emergency

↓

We need to talk to...

↓

Oy! Do you mind! Stop invading...

mind

↓

It's him!

↓

What the hell are you doing here?

↓

You just can't leave us alone, can you!

alone

↓

Oh, my God, he's so obsessed with us.

obsessed

↓

I'm not obsessed with you.

obsessed

↓

It's this stupid place!

place stupid

↓

Don't you see, Butters?

butters

↓

Teaching people to think of their brand

brand teaching

↓

just makes more people like them.

makes

↓

This whole thing is wrong.

whole

↓

They're telling you guys to reduce yourselves into products

products reduce telling yourselves

↓

instead of people to be truly understood and loved.

loved truly understood

↓

Don't you guys want people to like you for you

↓

instead of who they want you to be?

↓

Look, we all have our faults. God knows I do.

faults knows

↓

But if we just try to present and control an image of us

control image present

↓

for people to see, then, we're just performers

↓

instead of human beings.

beings human human-beings

↓

He's right.

↓

Trying to make ourselves into a brand

brand

↓

just turned us into products.

products turned

↓

We don't need to be a brand, do we?

brand

↓

If it's truly what we want,

truly

↓

then we really can get away from it all.

↓

No more magazines and Netflix shows.

magazines netflix shows

↓

We really can live a normal life.

life live normal normal-life

↓

Yes, I'm sure you agree, darling.

agree darling

↓

We can be the people we talked about being,

talked

↓

with no more worries about how we look

worries

↓

or the image we project to people.

image project

↓

What matters is what we have on the inside.

matters

↓

Hello?

↓

Come on, Butters. Time to go home.

butters home

↓

Yeah.

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

Now, hey.

↓

Don't make a decision you might all regret.

decision might regret

↓

Yeah, come on, honey. We don't need this place.

honey place

↓

Honey?

honey

↓

The queen is dead.

dead queen

↓

What a sad day for Canada... and therefore, the world.

canada therefore world

↓

Ike, I need to use the...

↓

Oh no, not again.

↓

She's still dead.

dead

↓

Ike, I have to get on the computer.

computer

↓

The Queen's been dead a long time.

dead queens

↓

Ike, I have to get on with my friends!

friends

↓

If I don't, they're gonna think I'm...

↓

It's okay.

↓

Things get to you.

↓

It's who you are.

↓

Oh. Hey, guys.

↓

Hey, dude. Uh...

↓

We thought maybe you could do with a little outside time.

↓

Really?

↓

We just thought it'd be good to get you out of the house.

house

↓

You seem to bee going through a lot lately.

lately

↓

Yeah. Yeah, I have.

↓

Thanks, guys. I'd love to play.

love thanks

↓

Oy! Oy!

↓

Could, uh...

↓

Could I play?

↓

Sure. You can play.

↓

Great!