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» S01E05 — Dating Toledoans
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Season 1, Episode 5 — Dating Toledoans
.
#1
⇓
- All right, everybody,
#2
⇓
let's go ahead and start to shut up.
#3
⇓
We're gonna jump right in on the one subject
#4
⇓
that brings me a little bit of joy in Toledo
#5
⇓
where I find myself currently trapped--
#6
⇓
taking down my rival Miles.
#7
⇓
Now, I had a pretty good idea.
#8
⇓
I was thinking maybe we could hack into his Tesla.
#9
⇓
How hard would that be? I know it's possible.
#10
⇓
You think you guys could do that,
#11
⇓
or are you guys the kinda nerds
#12
⇓
that are good at computers,
#13
⇓
or are you the kinda nerds
#14
⇓
that smell bad and wear capes?
#15
⇓
Uh, you know what? Let's go ahead a pin in that,
#16
⇓
because a cute girl who actually meets my standards
#17
⇓
has swiped right on me.
#18
⇓
I don't know if you guys know what that means,
#19
⇓
but basically, it just means that it's--it's bang time.
#20
⇓
- Is it going to be happening here in front of us?
#21
⇓
- No, Anthony, it's not gonna be happening
#22
⇓
in front of you, you little freak!
#23
⇓
No, we're gonna go get a drink.
#24
⇓
Guys, gotta say...
#25
⇓
I got a really good feeling about this one.
#26
⇓
Can I get a "get some"?
#27
⇓
- Get some!
#28
⇓
- That ma girl! All right!
#29
⇓
Um...see ya, dudes.
#30
⇓
[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
#31
⇓
- One, two, three, four!
#32
⇓
- * Next time I'll listen to my heart *
#33
⇓
* Next time well I'll be smart *
#34
⇓
*
#35
⇓
- Now boarding for New York city.
#36
⇓
*
#37
⇓
- Whoo!
#38
⇓
- If it's on my license, you know,
#39
⇓
they're not gonna want to save me.
#40
⇓
- No. - They're gonna wanna
#41
⇓
harvest my organs. - Yes!
#42
⇓
- That's what they want, they want my organs.
#43
⇓
- Yes, exactly. And I am not gonna die on the table
#44
⇓
so some drunk slob can get my liver.
#45
⇓
- No, no, no. No, that's not fair.
#46
⇓
- No! - You should have your liver.
#47
⇓
- It's very good. It's pristine.
#48
⇓
- Yeah, exactly. - Nice...
#49
⇓
- So, you wanna... head up to your place?
#50
⇓
- I really like you, Jack.
#51
⇓
I just...I just wanna get to know you a little bit better.
#52
⇓
- Yeah, sure. More dates.
#53
⇓
I'm around.
#54
⇓
- Cool. Good night.
#55
⇓
- Good night.
#56
⇓
*
#57
⇓
- Wake up. We're in Toledo.
#58
⇓
Time to go to work.
#59
⇓
- Now boarding for Cleveland...
#60
⇓
- Okeydokey, Principal Durbin.
#61
⇓
Here are your daily announcements.
#62
⇓
- Thank you, Helen. - You're welcome.
#63
⇓
- Betty bought butter but the butter was bitter, so Betty
#64
⇓
bought better butter to make the bitter butter better.
#65
⇓
Ah.
#66
⇓
The Magazine Drive ends Friday.
#67
⇓
O...kay. Oh!
#68
⇓
Oh! Text from Jack.
#69
⇓
"Running late. Can you cover for me, bud?"
#70
⇓
Called me bud. Helen, you gotta
#71
⇓
do the announcements just this one time, okay?
#72
⇓
- Oh, no, I can't do that.
#73
⇓
I get way too nervous.
#74
⇓
I-I was in my cousin's wedding,
#75
⇓
and if you've never fainted
#76
⇓
mouth-first onto a candle...
#77
⇓
it was a nightmare.
#78
⇓
I-I actually ate fire.
#79
⇓
No, I can't-- I can't do that.
#80
⇓
- Just read off the paper. It'll be fine, okay?
#81
⇓
It'll be so easy.
#82
⇓
- Jack! You look really bad.
#83
⇓
- Yeah. Had a...bit of a rough one last night.
#84
⇓
I had a date in New York.
#85
⇓
- "Ooh, look at me. I'm Jack.
#86
⇓
I'm too good for Toledo women."
#87
⇓
- Well I'm glad you understand.
#88
⇓
Look, maybe taking a bus to New York isn't ideal,
#89
⇓
but it's worth it to date a woman
#90
⇓
who doesn't believe in angels.
#91
⇓
- They're watching over us. - They help us.
#92
⇓
- Don't hate on an-- You know what?
#93
⇓
Wouldn't it be easier to just come to the bar
#94
⇓
with us tonight?
#95
⇓
Come on.
#96
⇓
Yeah, sure, maybe I should just go ahead
#97
⇓
and alienate all of my core principles
#98
⇓
and date in Toledo. While I'm at it,
#99
⇓
maybe I can eat pie on the toilet.
#100
⇓
- I've done that. - Okay, see,
#101
⇓
don't disrespect pie. - That's disgusting!
#102
⇓
Good morning, Whitlock High.
#103
⇓
It's your daily announcements.
#104
⇓
*
#105
⇓
It's Meatloaf Day in the cafeteria.
#106
⇓
There will be a vegetarian option.
#107
⇓
Too bad there's not an edible option.
#108
⇓
Oh. Thank you.
#109
⇓
Creamed spinach will also be served.
#110
⇓
And for dessert-- violent illness.
#111
⇓
Salmonella pie. - Oh!
#112
⇓
The green apple two-trot.
#113
⇓
- That's...funny. That--Okay.
#114
⇓
- And now, a special guest
#115
⇓
to make your morning announcement.
#116
⇓
This is Coach Novak.
#117
⇓
There's gonna be immediate suspension
#118
⇓
if anybody's gawking at pornography.
#119
⇓
- Ha ha. She's really bustin' my chops.
#120
⇓
- Hey, guys, this was a real kick.
#121
⇓
Don't tell anybody that I, you know,
#122
⇓
went over my-- aah!
#123
⇓
- Oh!
#124
⇓
- Wow. I always thought announcements were...
#125
⇓
a way to impart vital information,
#126
⇓
but I guess what people like more
#127
⇓
are dumb...stupid dumb jokes.
#128
⇓
- Okay, everybody, I'm here.
#129
⇓
Thank you so much for covering.
#130
⇓
I really appreciate it. You're the best.
#131
⇓
The best at what?
#132
⇓
- He is an odd little duck.
#133
⇓
Oh, my God, Heather, thank you for asking,
#134
⇓
but, no, I did not get any.
#135
⇓
I been commuting to New York to go on dates,
#136
⇓
which is a little bit complicated, to say the least.
#137
⇓
But now, for practical reasons, I find myself
#138
⇓
considering dating in Toledo.
#139
⇓
- Uh, at the risk of being contrary,
#140
⇓
haven't you already dated in Toledo?
#141
⇓
Doesn't your high school ex
#142
⇓
- Oh, look. It's you.
#143
⇓
Wonderful. Good to see you, Marcus. Yes.
#144
⇓
Meredith is the exception, you know.
#145
⇓
But there's always gonna be an exception.
#146
⇓
You see, sophisticated New York women,
#147
⇓
they're really more my type.
#148
⇓
You guys know what type is, right?
#149
⇓
Victor, what's your type?
#150
⇓
- Your type.
#151
⇓
Who would you wanna get with?
#152
⇓
- Like...if I could marry anyone?
#153
⇓
Yeah, sure, man. Whatever.
#154
⇓
Just say who it is.
#155
⇓
- I don't wanna say.
#156
⇓
Oh...is it something weird? Is it like somebody
#157
⇓
in your family? - No!
#158
⇓
You could just say who it is,
#159
⇓
or I could just keep guessing. Is it your sister?
#160
⇓
- It's her. - Oh. Cool.
#161
⇓
It's somebody who's... in the room.
#162
⇓
That's great. We can follow up.
#163
⇓
Grace, do you like Victor?
#164
⇓
No! That's too bad.
#165
⇓
But you know what, it's gotta feel good
#166
⇓
to get that off your chest, clear that up.
#167
⇓
All right, guys. Good job, everybody.
#168
⇓
See ya tomorrow. Grace...
#169
⇓
Good job today.
#170
⇓
Success!
#171
⇓
*
#172
⇓
- Oh, look who showed up.
#173
⇓
- Yeah, well, it was either this
#174
⇓
or a 15-hour bus ride to Long Island,
#175
⇓
so...it was a toss-up.
#176
⇓
- Mm-hmm. What the hell are you wearing?
#177
⇓
I'm sorry--did you just come back from court?
#178
⇓
- Yes. And the judge ruled I look awesome.
#179
⇓
- Ah!
#180
⇓
- Well, we're glad you came.
#181
⇓
- Oh, I'm not.
#182
⇓
You don't wanna see me drink.
#183
⇓
I get really emotional and clean out my purse.
#184
⇓
It's nuts. - Oh, well, that was
#185
⇓
a long way around "no, thank you."
#186
⇓
- Yeah, she does that. So, Jack,
#187
⇓
here's what we're talking about.
#188
⇓
Now, I'm looking to catch a financially stable man
#189
⇓
for a casual yet respectable situationship.
#190
⇓
- Hmm. - And Mary over here
#191
⇓
is looking for a scuzzy little liar.
#192
⇓
- Oh, you always hated Mark.
#193
⇓
- Well, he stole your computer.
#194
⇓
- He's fixing the viruses. - No, he's not.
#195
⇓
- I'll tell you what kind of guy I like.
#196
⇓
My husband Keith. He's so good to me.
#197
⇓
He planted me a secret garden.
#198
⇓
I don't know what's in there. I think it's tomatoes!
#199
⇓
Ha ha ha ha. - So what are you
#200
⇓
looking for, Jack? - Well...
#201
⇓
this one over by the bar seems acceptable to me.
#202
⇓
- Oh, she's acceptable. - Oh, yes.
#203
⇓
She will serve my needs nicely. - Her parents must be so proud.
#204
⇓
- Stop it, I mean, no, she's...she's cute.
#205
⇓
- That's our yoga teacher Vicky.
#206
⇓
- Ah. - Okay, we'll go grease
#207
⇓
the runway, but you have to land the plane.
#208
⇓
- Uh...I think I got it.
#209
⇓
- Okay...
#210
⇓
- Yeah.
#211
⇓
I, uh...
#212
⇓
had sex with the Head of Women's Studies,
#213
⇓
so I think I can handle Yoga Vicky, right?
#214
⇓
Ah...
#215
⇓
- This is who we were talking about.
#216
⇓
Jack is so smart
#217
⇓
and has so many sweaters...
#218
⇓
- So, Jack, we're gonna go grab another drink.
#219
⇓
Will you keep our friend Vicky company?
#220
⇓
- Yeah, sure. - Okay.
#221
⇓
- Hi, Jack. Nice to meet you.
#222
⇓
- Hi. It's nice to meet you too.
#223
⇓
It's, uh...always nice to meet new people.
#224
⇓
I just moved here from Cambridge.
#225
⇓
That's where Harvard is.
#226
⇓
I taught there. At Harvard.
#227
⇓
I was a philosophy professor, so...
#228
⇓
- Okay. - At Harvard.
#229
⇓
It's a prestigious university in the Northeast.
#230
⇓
- I know.
#231
⇓
Oh...I have a work emergency.
#232
⇓
Michelle told me where you work.
#233
⇓
- Well, then you know what this is.
#234
⇓
*
#235
⇓
,
#236
⇓
- Morning, boss!
#237
⇓
Want a little touch-up before we--
#238
⇓
*
#239
⇓
- Dennis, roll it.
#240
⇓
I got a new take.
#241
⇓
Okay...
#242
⇓
Ahh. Yeah.
#243
⇓
Good mornin', Whitlock High!
#244
⇓
Here's the morning announcements in your face!
#245
⇓
Ooh!
#246
⇓
Guess what's for lunch today. Pizza!
#247
⇓
With a side order of hepatitis A.
#248
⇓
Ha ha. Cafeteria food.
#249
⇓
Sucks! Right?
#250
⇓
You know who else has hepatitis A?
#251
⇓
Jeremy Jones.
#252
⇓
Jeremy will be spending
#253
⇓
some time at Children's Hospital,
#254
⇓
so everybody sign the big card.
#255
⇓
We love you, Jeremy.
#256
⇓
Oh! My God, a huge celebrity just dropped by.
#257
⇓
Yo, whazzup?
#258
⇓
It's Snoop Da-zoggy Dogg!
#259
⇓
Get your tickets
#260
⇓
to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
#261
⇓
- I think that's blackface.
#262
⇓
- Ah, l--
#263
⇓
- Uh, thanks for asking. I don't know.
#264
⇓
I don't know. Last night, I opened myself up
#265
⇓
to dating Toledo women.
#266
⇓
One would think.
#267
⇓
Uh, no, you know what? I...
#268
⇓
I came up empty all night.
#269
⇓
You know, I have devoted my entire life
#270
⇓
to studying logic and reason, but this...
#271
⇓
this night made me question everything. Truly.
#272
⇓
I-I-I just--
#273
⇓
I don't know what... went wrong.
#274
⇓
- You probably talked about Harvard
#275
⇓
and philosophy too much. - Sarika...
#276
⇓
you may have stumbled onto something there.
#277
⇓
Mm-hmm. You're saying that it was too in their face
#278
⇓
how much better I was than them.
#279
⇓
- That...wasn't really
#280
⇓
what I-- - A preemptive self-rejection.
#281
⇓
An interesting concept, and I think we should
#282
⇓
get it on its feet. Victor.
#283
⇓
Please, no more...
#284
⇓
- Is that why you've never confessed
#285
⇓
your secret crush on Grace?
#286
⇓
Because you're afraid that she's going to reject you.
#287
⇓
You think that you are beneath her.
#288
⇓
Please wake up.
#289
⇓
Please wake up. - Grace, do you think
#290
⇓
you could ever be into Victor?
#291
⇓
What's wrong with him? - I don't want to say.
#292
⇓
- Oh. You don't wanna say.
#293
⇓
Maybe it's you that's into weird stuff.
#294
⇓
Maybe I should start guessing-- - I have a secret boyfriend.
#295
⇓
- It's not a secret
#296
⇓
to the boyfriend. - Okay, this is good.
#297
⇓
Yeah, no, okay, so, um,
#298
⇓
Grace, who is the lucky guy?
#299
⇓
- It's Marcus.
#300
⇓
- Okay. Well, this has been a surprisingly productive class.
#301
⇓
Thank you, Grace. Thank you, Victor.
#302
⇓
This has been very helpful for me.
#303
⇓
Good work.
#304
⇓
- Yeah, girl. - I might have to
#305
⇓
sneak in there. - Hey, guys. Okay,
#306
⇓
so I think you were right. I misplayed it last night.
#307
⇓
- I get it, I get it. I hashed it out with my students,
#308
⇓
and I realized with my Harvard pedigree,
#309
⇓
I was like a Grace in a bar full of Victors.
#310
⇓
But I get it now. Let's get back in there
#311
⇓
and let's get after it. I need you guys to wing me.
#312
⇓
Let's go.
#313
⇓
- Yes!
#314
⇓
What was it again?
#315
⇓
- Just...be normal.
#316
⇓
- Right. Just... normal.
#317
⇓
- Why are you saying it weird?
#318
⇓
- Jack, it's "nermal." Oh, my God,
#319
⇓
now I can't say it either.
#320
⇓
- Sorry, Jack, it's a no.
#321
⇓
- How 'bout this. I'll buy drinks all night.
#322
⇓
- Good answer! - Here we go.
#323
⇓
- Good answer, good answer. - Normal.
#324
⇓
Thank God I got it back.
#325
⇓
Whew!
#326
⇓
- Ooh. Now, there's a sturdy one,
#327
⇓
looking like he could mow his lawn in a tornado.
#328
⇓
- Well, you better give it up
#329
⇓
for these pear-shaped men
#330
⇓
lookin' just like they mamas. - Mmm...
#331
⇓
- Hey, hey. What do you guys think?
#332
⇓
Took your advice. - You know,
#333
⇓
mm-mm, I'm sorry, I forgot, ladies.
#334
⇓
Was our advice to make him look like
#335
⇓
a cell phone salesman from the mall kiosk?
#336
⇓
- Ha ha ha ha. No, no, no.
#337
⇓
This is so the Toledo women will not be intimidated by me.
#338
⇓
- Oh, so you think this is what's normal here?
#339
⇓
- Yep. Tonight I'm just normal old Toledo Jack.
#340
⇓
Oh, waiter? Yeah. Can I get a plate of cheese fries
#341
⇓
and any kind of a beer
#342
⇓
that's got a landscape on the can.
#343
⇓
Let's do this!
#344
⇓
.
#345
⇓
- All right, guys, ready to set me up?
#346
⇓
Grease the runway?
#347
⇓
- No, no, no, no, no, Toledo Jack.
#348
⇓
We wants no parts
#349
⇓
of whatever is happening here. - Right.
#350
⇓
But do leave your tab open--thank you.
#351
⇓
- Yeah, yeah. All right, here we go.
#352
⇓
- Good luck. - Watch him leave.
#353
⇓
Look--Look at it. Look at his belt.
#354
⇓
- Ah...man. Feels good to sit down.
#355
⇓
Can I buy you a drink?
#356
⇓
- Sure, I'll... I'll have another house wine.
#357
⇓
- Great. Another house wine, please.
#358
⇓
Yeah, so...
#359
⇓
Isis.
#360
⇓
Don't those guys drive you nuts?
#361
⇓
- You know, for me,
#362
⇓
it's like, ah, God, stop, you know?
#363
⇓
You make me sick.
#364
⇓
- Yeah. Isis isn't great.
#365
⇓
- Yeah. No. It's like, you know--
#366
⇓
[background chatter, music playing]
#367
⇓
Ahh...hey.
#368
⇓
Are you, uh, an organ donor?
#369
⇓
- Yeah, of course. - Of course you are. Me too.
#370
⇓
I would love to be able to...you know, donate my--
#371
⇓
I mean, I don't wanna die, but if I did,
#372
⇓
I wanna give some kid the gift of sight, you know?
#373
⇓
Maybe I would get to see the world
#374
⇓
through a child's eyes again.
#375
⇓
Is that how it works? I don't know.
#376
⇓
I'm just some normal guy. I don't read much.
#377
⇓
.
#378
⇓
- * I love gin juice That is funny.
#379
⇓
* Drivin' in my car
#380
⇓
* Gin juice
#381
⇓
- Is there anything that I can do before I go?
#382
⇓
- No, uh, Helen, I think you've done enough.
#383
⇓
- Ralph, is there something--
#384
⇓
Can you do that, Helen? Can you close the door?
#385
⇓
Or is that too simple? Do you need to
#386
⇓
put like a fun spin on it.
#387
⇓
Or can I have. The door. Closed.
#388
⇓
Which is...all I ever... wanted?
#389
⇓
See how easy that was?
#390
⇓
- Oh, no. - Excellent.
#391
⇓
- I'm doing this!
#392
⇓
- This place sucks. - Please.
#393
⇓
Did you think that wearing a golf shirt
#394
⇓
and talking about organ donors would work?
#395
⇓
I think you're afraid
#396
⇓
you'll meet someone and like Toledo.
#397
⇓
- Ooh! Michelle, comin' through with the realness.
#398
⇓
And while you're "slumming" it
#399
⇓
with the commoners... - Here we go.
#400
⇓
- You're missing out on some fabulous women.
#401
⇓
Okay? - Truth bomb.
#402
⇓
- All right, well, thanks for the therapy, buds,
#403
⇓
I appreciate it, but I'm done with this place.
#404
⇓
- Oh, stay! We're gonna get some fire wings
#405
⇓
and do pucker shots.
#406
⇓
- Plus, Michelle is drinking,
#407
⇓
and so we might need a white man to talk to the cops.
#408
⇓
- Well, this was fun, but I think I'm gonna
#409
⇓
close out my tab. Sorry, guys. - Oh...
#410
⇓
- Hey, can I close out, please? Thanks.
#411
⇓
- Not a single imported beer.
#412
⇓
God, I forgot I'm in Garbage City.
#413
⇓
- It's actually Glass City.
#414
⇓
- Yeah, no thanks.
#415
⇓
I'm good. I don't need to update my cell phone plan.
#416
⇓
- Oh, no, no, these clothes--
#417
⇓
I'm doing a social experiment.
#418
⇓
I'm actually just in town for a brief stint.
#419
⇓
I'm taking a break from Harvard.
#420
⇓
- Oh.
#421
⇓
Forget that.
#422
⇓
I-I'm jack.
#423
⇓
I take it you're not from around here either?
#424
⇓
- Chloe. From Baltimore.
#425
⇓
- Yeah, I can see that you enjoy this city
#426
⇓
about as much as I do.
#427
⇓
- It's the worst. - Yeah.
#428
⇓
- Oh, don't even try getting decent sushi.
#429
⇓
- It's impossible.
#430
⇓
I worry about
#431
⇓
the doctors. I mean, if you're actually good at surgery,
#432
⇓
what are you doing here? I mean, how did you
#433
⇓
not move to Chicago?
#434
⇓
- Well, at least the people are amazing.
#435
⇓
- Oh, yeah. I mean
#436
⇓
like that guy over there with his gut hanging out?
#437
⇓
He just invited me to his summer home in Provence.
#438
⇓
- Oh, I have to.
#439
⇓
- I think you should.
#440
⇓
- Check this out. See da Vinci over there?
#441
⇓
Yeah, he just invited me to check out
#442
⇓
this crazy new invention
#443
⇓
that he's never even tried called "a fork."
#444
⇓
- We shouldn't be too hard on this place.
#445
⇓
- No. I mean, after all,
#446
⇓
there is a table of scientists right over there.
#447
⇓
Really? - Yeah.
#448
⇓
- Ugh! They're brilliant.
#449
⇓
- Booyah! These shots are not gonna drink themselves.
#450
⇓
- Hey, you wanna get outta here
#451
⇓
before the dumb rubs off on us?
#452
⇓
- Uh, uh...
#453
⇓
- I think they're just having fun.
#454
⇓
And, uh, actually,
#455
⇓
they're friends of mine.
#456
⇓
- Right! My friend is here too.
#457
⇓
Right over there. She's the lady
#458
⇓
that brought her newborn to the bar.
#459
⇓
Busties!
#460
⇓
- Yeah, first of all, you really know
#461
⇓
how to run a joke into the ground.
#462
⇓
Secondly, I wasn't kidding.
#463
⇓
They really are friends of mine.
#464
⇓
You know what? No. I'm gonna keep this open.
#465
⇓
Can I get three blue pucker shots, please?
#466
⇓
Uh, actually... make it four.
#467
⇓
Also...
#468
⇓
Baltimore-- It's a third-rate city.
#469
⇓
It sucks. And you have dead women buried in your parks.
#470
⇓
*
#471
⇓
Ladies, some shots. - Hey!
#472
⇓
- It looks like you were making it happen with that one.
#473
⇓
What'd you mess up this time?
#474
⇓
But it looked like you guys
#475
⇓
were having more fun over here, so I figured I join you
#476
⇓
and stay. - Okay!
#477
⇓
- All right! - Hey, hey!
#478
⇓
- Mm. - Yeah!
#479
⇓
Tornado Dance!
#480
⇓
- Yeah... - Uh...
#481
⇓
excuse you?
#482
⇓
Yeah? - No, no, no, no, no.
#483
⇓
- Sorry. Sorry, that's on us.
#484
⇓
- It's not worth it, girl, it's not worth it.
#485
⇓
Walk away.
#486
⇓
.
#487
⇓
*
#488
⇓
- Oops. It looks like there's a little lighting issue.
#489
⇓
There's a shadow. You want me to fix that?
#490
⇓
- Yeah, sure, Helen. Why don't you just
#491
⇓
take over the whole production? - I can't take this anymore!
#492
⇓
What is this about, Ralph?
#493
⇓
- Dennis, a moment.
#494
⇓
You really don't know what this is about, do you?
#495
⇓
Morning announcements were my chance
#496
⇓
to be the cool guy,
#497
⇓
to connect with the students,
#498
⇓
and you took them from me!
#499
⇓
- Oh, Ralph, why would I ever do anything
#500
⇓
to hurt you?
#501
⇓
You pulled me up from the gutter.
#502
⇓
You're an amazing man.
#503
⇓
I would never take the announcements from you.
#504
⇓
Well, it's too late. I'm awake now, Helen.
#505
⇓
I thought I had this game cornered,
#506
⇓
then you came in and did it in a way
#507
⇓
that I didn't know what possible!
#508
⇓
I'm a fraud. - No.
#509
⇓
- You should do them! - Oh! I should do them.
#510
⇓
Ha! You think that's what people want?
#511
⇓
Me runnin' around like a big, dumb goof?
#512
⇓
I do that crap for my nephew, and he's five.
#513
⇓
Forever, if you know what I mean.
#514
⇓
- Holy crap. Is that thing on?
#515
⇓
- Oh--
#516
⇓
- I don't understand what they see in you.
#517
⇓
- Well...this is fun!
#518
⇓
Who, uh, who started all this?
#519
⇓
- You!
#520
⇓
Well, this is already awesome.
#521
⇓
Explain. - When you revealed
#522
⇓
that Victor liked Grace, we also found out
#523
⇓
she had a secret boyfriend, Marcus.
#524
⇓
But she was actually protecting
#525
⇓
her real secret boyfriend, Devin,
#526
⇓
not realizing Marcus is secretly dating Sarika,
#527
⇓
who got super-jealous.
#528
⇓
So Sarika decided to revenge-date Devin.
#529
⇓
But Devin is fluid, so he may actually like me.
#530
⇓
And unrelatedly, Colin lost his retainer
#531
⇓
and is afraid to tell his mom,
#532
⇓
and no one is talking to anyone, a-and we're drowning!
#533
⇓
Colin, you need to just tell your mom.
#534
⇓
- Okay, hey, guys, guys, guys.
#535
⇓
Wow! You are being far too dramatic.
#536
⇓
I mean, don't you realize how meaningless
#537
⇓
these little teenage crushes are?
#538
⇓
Come on, only adult romances actually mean anything.
#539
⇓
Look, the point is, you should
#540
⇓
all just be focused on your friendships.
#541
⇓
Don't worry about all this petty dating stuff.
#542
⇓
Okay? You should all be downing shots together
#543
⇓
and doing dances based on natural disasters, you know?
#544
⇓
Leave all this other crap behind, you know?
#545
⇓
Otherwise, you're just gonna be stuck in Toledo goin' it alone.
#546
⇓
Look, you're gonna have your whole lives
#547
⇓
to worry about dating, 'kay?
#548
⇓
Right now, honestly, you should probably
#549
⇓
just be focused on masturbating.
#550
⇓
You guys all masturbate, right?
#551
⇓
Yeah?
#552
⇓
Show of hands real quick.
#553
⇓
- Oh, no...
#554
⇓
- Yeah, that's tough. That's tough.
#555
⇓
- I noticed you weren't entangled
#556
⇓
in any of the love triangles.
#557
⇓
You prefer to stay above the fray.
#558
⇓
- I don't mess with this kid stuff.
#559
⇓
I'm looking for a real woman.
#560
⇓
.
#561
⇓
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