Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E08 — Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 8 — Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day

Everything looks good, Mr. Reynolds.

#1

⇓

Your blood work is all normal.

#2

⇓

Excellent. As expected, right?

#3

⇓

Does look like your blood pressure's

#4

⇓

-a little high, however. Um-- -Wait.

#5

⇓

-I have high blood pressure? -Well, yes, but

#6

⇓

that's consistent with your last visit.

#7

⇓

We might want to put you on a low dose

#8

⇓

-of blood pressure medication. -Oh... no.

#9

⇓

Come on, Doc. Pills are for old men.

#10

⇓

Well, we all get to a certain age where we need--

#11

⇓

Do we? I don't.

#12

⇓

So, no. I mean, you know, let-let's not...

#13

⇓

Listen, I-I can see where you're headed with this.

#14

⇓

Let's-let's not go there, okay?

#15

⇓

If I wanted my blood pressure to be low, I would simply

#16

⇓

command my body to make it low.

#17

⇓

That's really not how chronic high blood pressure works.

#18

⇓

Okay, well, it is how it works with Dennis Reynolds, okay?

#19

⇓

And if I'm chronically having high blood pressure,

#20

⇓

it's because I'm chronically suffering fools

#21

⇓

who won't listen to me when I say that I can do things.

#22

⇓

Uh, you know what, Doc? It's fi...

#23

⇓

I'm gonna take control of this, okay?

#24

⇓

Don't you worry about a thing

#25

⇓

'cause Dennis Reynolds is gonna

#26

⇓

figure this all out on his own.

#27

⇓

There we go.

#28

⇓

Blood pressure.

#29

⇓

Pulse. Resting heart rate, syncs right to the phone.

#30

⇓

And it records everything.

#31

⇓

This is perfect.

#32

⇓

Now I'll have proof I can smash in that stupid doctor's face.

#33

⇓

-Yeah. - Oh, hey, Dennis.

#34

⇓

Uh, a-are we above or below sea level?

#35

⇓

-What? Tell him about the family-style cooking.

#36

⇓

Yeah, so we're doing

#37

⇓

some family-style cooking now, and we got this,

#38

⇓

like, industrial-grade pressure cooker.

#39

⇓

Mm. Pretty badass, man,

#40

⇓

but, you know, we got to make sure

#41

⇓

we're above sea level just to be safe.

#42

⇓

Well, we can't be below sea level.

#43

⇓

Otherwise, we'd be underwater.

#44

⇓

But if it's under sea level,

#45

⇓

-it may explode. -That's our big worry.

#46

⇓

That this sucker's gonna explode.

#47

⇓

You can't take a pressure cooker under the sea.

#48

⇓

It's not gonna explode.

#49

⇓

Yeah, that's not how pressure cookers works.

#50

⇓

-Yeah. -You're telling me that you can't bring

#51

⇓

a pressure cooker onto a submarine?

#52

⇓

How do they feed the entire U.S. Navy?

#53

⇓

-They don't pressure-cook the shit, Mac. -Navy argument.

#54

⇓

-Navy argument... -Stop! Stop! All of you, okay?

#55

⇓

They have, like, a grill or something.

#56

⇓

I'm calling mental health day.

#57

⇓

Mental health day?

#58

⇓

What kind of cuckoo shit is that?

#59

⇓

It's a new thing. It's like a sick day

#60

⇓

but for your brain, and if somebody calls it,

#61

⇓

you have to give it to 'em, you can't ask any questions.

#62

⇓

Are you calling that? Are you taking that for real?

#63

⇓

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm calling mental health day, okay?

#64

⇓

-And I'm gonna drive out to the beach... Ooh.

#65

⇓

...and spend the entire day just staring at the ocean.

#66

⇓

Isn't your car in the shop? I'm sorry.

#67

⇓

That's, uh, not a question about mental health.

#68

⇓

That's a question of logistics.

#69

⇓

Ah, damn it. No, you're right.

#70

⇓

Hey, Dennis, I'll come drive you.

#71

⇓

I could use a beach day.

#72

⇓

Oh, shit. You know what? This could be a good way

#73

⇓

-to find out whether or not we're, uh, underwater.

#74

⇓

We can take the cooker there, yeah.

#75

⇓

We're gonna bring the cooker, too. -No. No.

#76

⇓

Goddamn it! Do you hear that beeping?

#77

⇓

-That means stop. No!

#78

⇓

This is my mental health day, and none of you

#79

⇓

are a part of it. Goddamn it!

#80

⇓

Hi.

#81

⇓

Hi. How can I help you today?

#82

⇓

Uh, yeah, I have a reservation under the name Reynolds.

#83

⇓

-Okay, let me check that out for you. -All right.

#84

⇓

Wow. That's a lot of typing you're having to do there.

#85

⇓

-You writing a novel? -Oh, I'm sorry.

#86

⇓

We have no more vehicles available in that class.

#87

⇓

No, no, no, I made a reservation.

#88

⇓

Sometimes our system double-books,

#89

⇓

so that's our mistake, and we are happy

#90

⇓

-to offer you a complimentary upgrade. -Okay.

#91

⇓

This is the Tsuma EVS, a fully-electric car

#92

⇓

with touch screen controls, automated steering

#93

⇓

made right here in America.

#94

⇓

Oh, these are awesome. I've seen these.

#95

⇓

-These are really cool. -Mm-hmm.

#96

⇓

Okay, yeah, no. I-I... I accept, and I'll take those keys.

#97

⇓

-There are no keys. -Aha.

#98

⇓

-There's an app. -Oh, right.

#99

⇓

-An app. -Mm-hmm.

#100

⇓

Boy, I got tell you, I... I, uh, I don't love that.

#101

⇓

I, uh, have a lot of apps on my phone already,

#102

⇓

and, uh, keys are sort of a system

#103

⇓

that have existed for millennia.

#104

⇓

I don't know why we're trying to fix that, but, uh,

#105

⇓

yeah, no, now we got apps.

#106

⇓

We got... we got apps for everything, right?

#107

⇓

Even for things we already had things for.

#108

⇓

I guess, uh, since my blood pressure's going up,

#109

⇓

really spiking here, I'm just gonna...

#110

⇓

I'm gonna go with it. We're gonna download the app.

#111

⇓

Right? What's one more app?

#112

⇓

The phone is the key now. Simple.

#113

⇓

This is nice. Smooth ride, it's quiet.

#114

⇓

Try this automated steering thing.

#115

⇓

Hey.

#116

⇓

Hey!

#117

⇓

That is awesome.

#118

⇓

Time to kick this mental health day off

#119

⇓

with some feel-good plant tonic.

#120

⇓

My good friend, Mr. Kratom.

#121

⇓

Uh, this stuff's gnarly as hell, though.

#122

⇓

I need some... some kind of a mixer.

#123

⇓

Uh, Tsuma, direct me to the nearest tea shop.

#124

⇓

Rerouting to Teaspoon.

#125

⇓

Holy shit.

#126

⇓

Tsuma, play... Roxette.

#127

⇓

-Now playing Roxette,

#128

⇓

-"Listen to Your Heart."

#129

⇓

That is so cool.

#130

⇓

I'll just sit here and enjoy the ride, I guess.

#131

⇓

This car's nailing it.

#132

⇓

-Uh, one herbal tea, please. -Which flavor?

#133

⇓

Flavor. Uh, I don't know. Jasmine?

#134

⇓

Uh, sorry, I meant for the boba.

#135

⇓

The little spheres

#136

⇓

of, uh, tapioca and sugar?

#137

⇓

The tea comes with boba.

#138

⇓

Well, it doesn't

#139

⇓

because I see the tea right there,

#140

⇓

and I see the boba over there,

#141

⇓

so why don't we just not combine 'em, yeah?

#142

⇓

-You know, so, I'll take the tea

#143

⇓

without the covert diabetes delivery mechanism, please.

#144

⇓

-The system won't let me do that.

#145

⇓

Okay. Yeah. No, fine.

#146

⇓

One boba, please.

#147

⇓

We'll call it a mental health day treat.

#148

⇓

Self-care, right? Isn't that what people call it

#149

⇓

whenever they need an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want?

#150

⇓

-I don't know. -Yeah, I know. Of course you don't.

#151

⇓

Of course you don't. One chewy sugar tea, please.

#152

⇓

All right. Uh, you can scan the code.

#153

⇓

Uh, why?

#154

⇓

Because the code takes you to the app.

#155

⇓

That's two apps today, yeah.

#156

⇓

Got apps for everything, you know?

#157

⇓

Even though I'm already talking to the person

#158

⇓

that, uh, could just take my order right here,

#159

⇓

but I got to download an app, right?

#160

⇓

How about this?

#161

⇓

I have cash, you have tea.

#162

⇓

Why don't we just streamline things?

#163

⇓

We don't take cash, though.

#164

⇓

Yeah. How about cards? Take cards?

#165

⇓

-Uh, yes. -Oh, great.

#166

⇓

But there is a ten-dollar minimum.

#167

⇓

There's no minimum on the app, though.

#168

⇓

Sorry. It's, uh...

#169

⇓

It's not your fault.

#170

⇓

You know, you didn't create the system.

#171

⇓

The system is just... It is what it is,

#172

⇓

and, yeah, we're both victims here, so...

#173

⇓

What?

#174

⇓

Uh, nothing.

#175

⇓

Two boba teas, please.

#176

⇓

♪ Listen to your heart ♪ -Oh, shit.

#177

⇓

Ugh! Oh.

#178

⇓

That is rough.

#179

⇓

Oh.

#180

⇓

-Ugh! Aah!

#181

⇓

It's so sweet.

#182

⇓

Good, though. It's good.

#183

⇓

-What do you mean, "Key not found"?

#184

⇓

Key not found? Th-There is no key.

#185

⇓

-The key is my...

#186

⇓

...phone.

#187

⇓

Where's my phone? Where's my phone?

#188

⇓

Goddamn it, where's my phone?

#189

⇓

Ah, shit. Ugh! Yes. What?

#190

⇓

Hey, Dennis. Hey, man. Hey. Hey.

#191

⇓

Hey, uh, real quick. You know that French dip

#192

⇓

of yours in the fridge. Can we eat that?

#193

⇓

No, that French dip has been in the fridge for a month, dude.

#194

⇓

Do not eat it and do not call me!

#195

⇓

We already ate it. Yeah, we ate it.

#196

⇓

It's been eaten. I told 'em not to eat it.

#197

⇓

Dee tried to tell us not to eat it, but look, anyway,

#198

⇓

we're just calling now so you don't get mad at us later.

#199

⇓

-All right? Yeah, we're hoping that you get mad out there

#200

⇓

and then you come back and you're happy.

#201

⇓

Do not expect that sandwich

#202

⇓

when you get back, 'cause it's gone, okay?

#203

⇓

But don't worry about it. It has been pressure-cooked.

#204

⇓

Yeah, we pressure- cooked the shit out of it. -What do you mean?

#205

⇓

-No, you cannot pressure-cook a French dip.

#206

⇓

Oh, yeah, you can, and I guarantee that the U.S. Navy

#207

⇓

-is down on their submarine... -Don't. Don't talk!

#208

⇓

-Don't talk. Don't. Stop. -...with their pressure cooker.

#209

⇓

-No more phone calls! No more!

#210

⇓

Fantastic.

#211

⇓

Hello, Officer.

#212

⇓

License and registration.

#213

⇓

-Uh, well, this is a rental, actually. -Hmm.

#214

⇓

-Turn the car off.

#215

⇓

Yeah.

#216

⇓

I, uh... I can't because I don't have a key.

#217

⇓

Uh, well, technically there is no key.

#218

⇓

My phone is the key, and...

#219

⇓

I don't have a phone.

#220

⇓

Step out of the car, sir.

#221

⇓

Uh, you know, I'd really rather not

#222

⇓

because I'm afraid if I get out, then, um,

#223

⇓

I'm not gonna be able to start the car again.

#224

⇓

Sir, out of the car, please.

#225

⇓

Right. You don't care.

#226

⇓

All right, stepping out.

#227

⇓

Well, who could've predicted that?

#228

⇓

Hi. Good afternoon. Fine, and you? Thanks for asking.

#229

⇓

Listen, my name is Dennis Reynolds,

#230

⇓

and I'm on a family plan under the name Frank Reynolds,

#231

⇓

and I need a new phone, please.

#232

⇓

Okay, I can help you with that here.

#233

⇓

Great.

#234

⇓

-Frank Reynolds, mm-hmm.

#235

⇓

-My name's not that long. -So,

#236

⇓

looks like I can get you a replacement phone here.

#237

⇓

Can have it to you by end of day tomorrow.

#238

⇓

Uh, no, that's-that's not gonna work. I need it today.

#239

⇓

Unfortunately, the phones are at our warehouse, so...

#240

⇓

Tell me about those,

#241

⇓

'cause those look like phones.

#242

⇓

Those aren't the phones.

#243

⇓

-Those aren't the phones? -No.

#244

⇓

Hey, those aren't the phones, guys, so,

#245

⇓

you know, just so you know. Those are just boxes

#246

⇓

filled with phones that aren't the phones.

#247

⇓

-Phones for new customers. -Oh, for new customer, right.

#248

⇓

Not for old customers. Not for the paying customers,

#249

⇓

the people who have been paying for months and months,

#250

⇓

for years and years and years and years.

#251

⇓

Let's punish those people and give the phones

#252

⇓

that are right there to the new customers.

#253

⇓

It's just how the system works.

#254

⇓

-Yeah, well, mm, that system.

#255

⇓

I've been running up against it all day.

#256

⇓

Well, I'll tell you what, pal. I am not mad at you, okay?

#257

⇓

I am mad at the system.

#258

⇓

Okay, but unfortunately the system isn't here

#259

⇓

for me to direct my frustrations at it, s...

#260

⇓

Good. Let's try something else.

#261

⇓

Um, what if we add a new line

#262

⇓

to the Frank Reynolds family plan?

#263

⇓

Would that make me a new customer?

#264

⇓

Yeah, I can do that. I just need your PIN.

#265

⇓

Right, 'cause the PIN's the key to the phone,

#266

⇓

and the phone's the key to the car,

#267

⇓

and everything's been streamlined.

#268

⇓

Excuse me, please. I need to make a call on my watch.

#269

⇓

-Are you sure this is gonna work? -Charlie,

#270

⇓

diamonds are made under pressure.

#271

⇓

This is a pressure cooker.

#272

⇓

We're going to cook diamonds. It's very linear.

#273

⇓

-So genius.

#274

⇓

I just can't believe no one's ever thought of this before.

#275

⇓

-We're gonna be rich, man. Oh, I know.

#276

⇓

It's Dennis.

#277

⇓

Oh, oh, oh, oh, do not answer it.

#278

⇓

-It's a mental health day test. -A test. Mm.

#279

⇓

-Test? -Mm-hmm.

#280

⇓

In my day, if you wanted to get out of work, you...

#281

⇓

you hit yourself with a hammer

#282

⇓

or you got gnawed by a shark or something simple.

#283

⇓

-No, not gonna pick up now.

#284

⇓

No, wh-wh-why would he? Unreal.

#285

⇓

Uh, let's try... 69-69.

#286

⇓

Okay.

#287

⇓

-Yeah, that's it. -That worked?

#288

⇓

You're all set.

#289

⇓

-Seriously? -That's it.

#290

⇓

-This is the phone? -That's the phone.

#291

⇓

I'm gonna open the box, I'm gonna turn it on,

#292

⇓

-the phone's going to work? -Yup.

#293

⇓

It's gonna work. It's your phone.

#294

⇓

Whoo!

#295

⇓

Why won't you talk to each other?!

#296

⇓

Talk! Talk! Talk! Talk!

#297

⇓

Talk! Talk!

#298

⇓

Dennis Reynolds.

#299

⇓

D, E, "N" as in Nancy...

#300

⇓

License plate-- "B" as in boy,

#301

⇓

SX355.

#302

⇓

I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

#303

⇓

Yeah, no, I know you didn't get it 'cause I didn't say it.

#304

⇓

I didn't say what it was.

#305

⇓

Did you say "January"?

#306

⇓

No, I didn't say "January." I didn't say anything.

#307

⇓

I didn't give a month, I didn't give a day.

#308

⇓

Representative. No, representative.

#309

⇓

Human! Human!

#310

⇓

Oh.

#311

⇓

D,

#312

⇓

E, "N" as in "neighbor,"

#313

⇓

I, S.

#314

⇓

Dennis Reynolds.

#315

⇓

"D" as in "Deliver me from this!"

#316

⇓

-"E" as in "Engage with human."

#317

⇓

"N" as in "nightmare"!

#318

⇓

"N" as in "nightmare"! "I" as in "Is this real?!"

#319

⇓

"S" as in "Somebody help me!"

#320

⇓

There has to be a way to open this goddamn car!

#321

⇓

How do I open the car?!

#322

⇓

Dennis Reynolds.

#323

⇓

D, E,

#324

⇓

"N" as in "never-ending."

#325

⇓

-"N" as in... Thank you for calling

#326

⇓

-Tsuma Customer Care. Never gonna help me.

#327

⇓

Your call is very important to us.

#328

⇓

Please enter your 17-digit VIN.

#329

⇓

Please say your name.

#330

⇓

-Dennis Reynolds. -Got it. Let me transfer you.

#331

⇓

Thank you for calling Tsuma Customer Care.

#332

⇓

My name is Daisy. May I please have your name and 17-digit VIN?

#333

⇓

No. No, no, no, no. No.

#334

⇓

I just ent... I ju...

#335

⇓

I just entered all that information into the system.

#336

⇓

I'm sorry, sir.

#337

⇓

-I get it, but I do-- -That-That's okay. No, no.

#338

⇓

That's okay. Daisy, was it?

#339

⇓

Listen, don't be sorry, okay? I'm not mad at you.

#340

⇓

I'm a little upset, but I'm upset at the situation, okay?

#341

⇓

And-and the situation is this, Daisy.

#342

⇓

If you'll just give me a second and indulge me, okay?

#343

⇓

My new phone won't talk to my car.

#344

⇓

Okay, so I called the car rental company,

#345

⇓

and they put me on with a supervisor

#346

⇓

who told me to call Tsuma Roadside,

#347

⇓

so I called Tsuma Roadside.

#348

⇓

Spoke to someone over there

#349

⇓

who put me on with another supervisor

#350

⇓

who told me to call the service center.

#351

⇓

So I called the service center, spoke to about--

#352

⇓

I don't know-- two, three morons over there

#353

⇓

who had no answers for me whatsoever.

#354

⇓

They put me on with one of their supervisors,

#355

⇓

and that person told me to call the car rental company again.

#356

⇓

So I called the car rental company,

#357

⇓

then roadside, service center, rental company,

#358

⇓

roadside, service center, rental company,

#359

⇓

roadside, service center, and around and around

#360

⇓

and around like that for hours and hours,

#361

⇓

until finally someone had the presence of mind

#362

⇓

to let me know there's a goddamn customer care line.

#363

⇓

Okay, so I called the customer care line

#364

⇓

and now I find myself talking to you, Daisy,

#365

⇓

my little wildflower.

#366

⇓

And you ask me to enter in my VIN

#367

⇓

and my date of birth again,

#368

⇓

information which I already entered into your system.

#369

⇓

Okay, now, now, listen, Daisy, Daisy,

#370

⇓

bear with me here, okay?

#371

⇓

I know you didn't create the system, okay?

#372

⇓

So you are not to blame.

#373

⇓

But somebody did create the system,

#374

⇓

and I would very much like to blame that person.

#375

⇓

So... who is that?

#376

⇓

Sir, I'm sorry. Who is...?

#377

⇓

Who is the person who created your customer service system

#378

⇓

in such a way

#379

⇓

that the information entered

#380

⇓

into the computer isn't passed on

#381

⇓

to the human representative?!

#382

⇓

Sir, I don't know. I can send you to one of my supervisors.

#383

⇓

No, no, no, no, no. No, Dai... no.

#384

⇓

No, don't send me to a supervisor, Daisy.

#385

⇓

Daisy, Daisy...

#386

⇓

it's just you and me.

#387

⇓

Just you and me, Daisy, fighting the good fight

#388

⇓

against a broken system engineered

#389

⇓

to drive us both so crazy

#390

⇓

that we have to take days off

#391

⇓

for our mental health!

#392

⇓

Daisy?

#393

⇓

Yes?

#394

⇓

The Tsuma. It's made in America, right?

#395

⇓

Yes, it is.

#396

⇓

Where?

#397

⇓

All right, yes, okay. Yup.

#398

⇓

Oh, let me call you back.

#399

⇓

Hello. How are you?

#400

⇓

I've been better.

#401

⇓

I've been worse.

#402

⇓

Is the CEO in?

#403

⇓

I'm sorry. Uh, who are you?

#404

⇓

Dennis Reynolds.

#405

⇓

D, E, "N" as in "Nancy," N, I, S.

#406

⇓

Tsuma customer for, uh,

#407

⇓

oh, six hours and 17 minutes.

#408

⇓

I have some helpful feedback

#409

⇓

that I would very much like to pass on to your boss.

#410

⇓

-Oh.

#411

⇓

Can I get you a water or something?

#412

⇓

Listen, I have traveled

#413

⇓

through blistering sun and pouring rain to get here,

#414

⇓

so, if you don't mind, I'll just wait.

#415

⇓

Uh, he is not in the office

#416

⇓

this week,

#417

⇓

but customer feedback is very important to him,

#418

⇓

so, if you'd like to leave him a message,

#419

⇓

I'll make sure he gets it.

#420

⇓

If I leave you a message,

#421

⇓

can you assure me

#422

⇓

that you will get this to him?

#423

⇓

Absolutely. I'll make sure he gets it

#424

⇓

when he gets back from the beach house.

#425

⇓

-The beach, huh? -Mm-hmm.

#426

⇓

-Yeah.

#427

⇓

I was supposed to go to the beach today.

#428

⇓

-That's nice. -Yeah.

#429

⇓

-How about that, huh?

#430

⇓

Which beach?

#431

⇓

Brandon, dinner's ready!

#432

⇓

Hi.

#433

⇓

This is a medical marvel.

#434

⇓

You lowered your blood pressure

#435

⇓

by 20 points in less than a minute, but how?

#436

⇓

Well, just let off a little steam, all naturally.

#437

⇓

Told you, Dr. Tsuma.

#438

⇓

-Hmm.

#439

⇓

Oh. Excuse me.

#440

⇓

Hello?

#441

⇓

Oh, hey, Dennis.

#442

⇓

Uh, are-are we above or below sea level?

#443

⇓

I'll be right in.

#444

⇓

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

#445

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