Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E01 — The Gang F-s Up Abbott Elementary

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 1 — The Gang F-s Up Abbott Elementary

So, as you may recall, a little while back

#1

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we had some volunteers at the school.

#2

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Found out they were here for community service.

#3

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I wasn't tripping. Four days,

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free labor and they were outta here.

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But we were alerted to some additional footage, if you will.

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Turns out these clowns were up to a lot more than we knew.

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Welcome to Abbott Elementary,

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the best elementary school in the universe.

#9

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What's the deal with all the cameras?

#10

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We have, like, a Vanderpump thing going on.

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- Don't worry about it. - No!

#12

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No. I think I'll be spending my time on the other side of the camera.

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- Thank you very much. - See?

#14

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- Yeah, okay. - Totally get that.

#15

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Um...

#16

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If Caucasian Cultural Exchange is over,

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let's get to the free work.

#18

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You got it.

#19

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Before we do that, could my associates and I talk?

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If you wanna talk, talk.

#21

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In private. I mean, away from the...

#22

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- Yeah. That's an issue. - The cameras. Yeah.

#23

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- Yeah. - If we could just not be near those.

#24

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- It'll only take a second. - Frank, just go...

#25

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- Go? - Yeah.

#26

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Yeah. We'll be right Yeah. We'll be right back.

#27

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- Yeah, of course. - We'll roam around your school.

#28

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- Yeah. - Just need a minute.

#29

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- What are we doing? - Go, go, go. Go.

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Close that door and lock it.

#31

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- Okay. I got an idea. - Frank,

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let's not make this a whole thing, please.

#33

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- Just a quick in and out. - The faster we get it done,

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- the better. - I see an opportunity here.

#35

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How's a school an opportunity?

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It's not just a school. It's a gold mine.

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I can't believe these shitheads forgot they were mic'd.

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_

#39

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- How is a school a gold mine? - Copper piping.

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Thousands and thousands of yards of it.

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And this is an old building. They use the thick kind.

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I mean, a fence would pay a fortune

#43

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- for that stuff. - Frank.

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- What? - We're not ripping copper piping

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- out of a public school. - Well, why not?

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The city's gonna make 'em do it anyway.

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And they're gonna wind up paying for it. We'd be doing them a favor.

#48

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Okay. Stop, stop. We're not doing this, all right?

#49

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We're just We're gonna get through the day. Okay?

#50

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And then we're gonna get the hell out of here. Because I...

#51

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Oh, my God. This coffee is sludge.

#52

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What's the story on the snacks? Are these free or what?

#53

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Guys, I'm with Dennis. If I could just get this release signed,

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then we could be outta here in a week. All right?

#55

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Look, I don't wanna get lice from one of these kids.

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Did you guys know that Black people can't get lice?

#57

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Dee, that's, like, crazy racist.

#58

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No, no, no. That's just science.

#59

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It's the lice who are racist.

#60

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- All right. Hold on, hold on. - Racist lice?

#61

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You hear this conversation? This is us digging a deeper hole.

#62

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Let's please not do it. I'm begging you all.

#63

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Why is this door locked? And who are you people?

#64

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Oh, hi. We're your volunteers.

#65

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You're not supposed to be in here. This is the teachers' lounge.

#66

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Ah. Then where's the volunteers' lounge?

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Actually, um, question. Sorry.

#68

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Are you in charge of cleaning the coffee pots?

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Because, um, they're really dirty

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and you're not doing a good job.

#71

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What is this?

#72

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- Quit eating that. - Yeah. Quit eating that.

#73

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I'm not I thought it was free. It's not free?

#74

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- Y'all get the hell out of here. - Get the hell out of here.

#75

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- Get out of here. He said. - I thought they were free.

#76

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- Get the hell out of here. You know? - Okay. All right.

#77

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- It's just a misunderstanding. Probably. - No.

#78

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Guy's gonna be a problem. Take care of him.

#79

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I can't say I'm surprised by any of this.

#80

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I mean, I liked Dee at first,

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but things got awkward when she tried to steal you.

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That was never gonna happen.

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Still. Safe to say I liked her less after that.

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But it wasn't until I saw the extra footage

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that I was able to realize just how much of a...

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Mmm. I need to say a bad word.

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- It's okay. Yeah. - Yeah?

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- I'm gonna. It's real bad. - We talked about this. Go ahead.

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How much of a total fucking cunt she was.

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I I thought you was gonna call her a bitch.

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- No. I didn't feel that was strong enough. - Okay.

#92

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Bitch can be a very fine dog. That is not what this woman is.

#93

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Class, could I have your attention for one second?

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You are being taught by a genius.

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And class, if I may,

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you have a genius volunteer aiding you.

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Aw.

#98

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- You. You. - You.

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- No, you. - It's definitely you.

#100

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- Right now. One, two, three. You. - You.

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Back up. Go. Go out there. Go out there. Go out there.

#102

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Okay. I notice you following that one around a bunch?

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What is going on with that? I'm not picking up star vibes from her.

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She's a dud. She's a giant dud.

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But I have an idea: You follow me around,

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make me the star of whatever this is,

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and I will make this shit pop. Right?

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I'll steal her man. I'll expose her for the dud she is.

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What do you think? Let's work together.

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Huh? Oh.

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- Hey. - Hey.

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- We can't wait till you come back. - I can't wait to come back.

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Oh, my God.

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I mean, what is she talking about?

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The star of the thing? What?

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- I don't know. She's crazy. It's a... Yeah. - She really is crazy.

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- If anything, Ava's the star. - Mmm.

#118

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Maybe Barb. Could be me at this point.

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- But you know - Sure. Yeah.

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Sure?

#121

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- You don't think I've gotten... - No. No. No, absolutely.

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- You're the star. - The focus...

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They kind of go through my interpretation of it.

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- Yeah. It's for you. Yeah. - Okay.

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Well, actually, that's not what this is about.

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- No. Exactly. - 'Cause it's about the kids.

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But the good news is

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she was never actually attracted to Gregory at all.

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Sorry.

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She should've been. No.

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These dumbasses couldn't even pretend to volunteer for very long.

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Day one, they tried to recruit athletes for their old high school.

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Yo.

#134

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Hey, dude. Pfft. This place is the worst, man.

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They're, like, totally, like, trying to teach me to read and stuff.

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And I'm just, like, playing along and being like, "Oh.

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You know. You can help me."

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But it's just like I'm trying to kill time, you know?

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- Like, it's so boring. Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

#140

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- Sure. - What do they got you doing?

#141

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Uh, well, they don't really have me doing anything,

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but I decided to do this.

#143

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Oh. What What is this?

#144

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Well, I... I grabbed a bunch of stuff from the science class

#145

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- Uh-huh. - and I'm doing a science experiment here.

#146

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- Is it coffee? - It is coffee.

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I could smell it.

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It's the most amazing coffee you've ever had.

#149

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- You wouldn't believe it. - Dude, sick. Give me a cup.

#150

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- I'm like Walter White over here. - Yeah, absolutely.

#151

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- Hey, guys. - You want this one? It's ready to go.

#152

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You would not believe the bozos they got

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as the stars of this thing.

#154

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- Stars of what thing? - Yeah.

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Their reality show or whatever it is they got going.

#156

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- Oh, shit. - Oh, shit.

#157

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- I keep forgetting about these guys. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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- Yeah, me too. - I'm gonna use it as a launching pad.

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- I got an angle. - No, no, no. We're not doing angles, Dee.

#160

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- What smells good? - Coffee. You gotta try it.

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- Make her one. - You want one?

#162

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- This is a coffee? Yeah. - Yeah.

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It's really slow, so I'll make you a small one.

#164

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- Raccoon on the loose. - What?

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- Really? - Hey, hey. Frank, Frank.

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Yeah. I bought a racoon in to keep that janitor busy.

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- Coffee me, huh? - Nice, dude. Good move.

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- Yeah. - No, no. Frank, cameras.

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- Yo. What's up, bitches? - Oh, shoot.

#170

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Have you guys seen the talent in this school?

#171

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No. No. What are you... We're just doing the one thing, okay?

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You guys are talking about five different things.

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For Christ's sake, you're all over the place.

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What talent? What you talking about?

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Yeah. There's kids, like, that are taller than me.

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I say we recruit one for the basketball team at St. Joe's.

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- No, no, no. - Dude. Great idea, man.

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- They've been sucking ass, bro. - We are just doing the one thing. Okay?

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I want a I want a straight line to Friday. That's it.

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- Okay. All right. - He needs a coffee.

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Yeah. Get him some coffee, man. Make a coffee for

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- Coffee, coffee. - Mac, try a coffee.

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- Yeah. I'll have a coffee. - It's really good.

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It's perfectly pH-balanced.

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I keep forgetting about the cameras, man.

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- I forget about them every time, dude. - Shit. Yeah.

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It is easy to forget about the cameras.

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I keep cash on me to make things "go away."

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But they took it to the next level.

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That's a good idea.

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Totally profit off a young basketball player.

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Like, pull a Blind Side on 'em.

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- Are you pissing in that locker? - Oh, it's the coffee.

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- I drank so much coffee. Yeah. - It goes right through you, yeah.

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Let's do the Blind Side thing.

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Well, yeah. But I think we're not supposed to say "blind side,"

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- 'cause it's, like, a... - Why?

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It got frowned upon, 'cause It was, like, a white savior thing.

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And I think white people aren't supposed to help Black people anymore. Right?

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No. That's a misunderstanding.

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- Okay, good. - Yeah. You see, St. Joe's is

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predominantly white teams, so we're helping the basketball team.

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We're helping a white school, so it's fine.

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- Look at that one. He's tall. - Don't say "that one." I know that much.

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- Let's go get him. Let's go get him. - I meant that Black kid.

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Hey, kid. Look at you. Wow.

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Wow, man. We saw you in the hall.

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- We liked everything we saw. - We did.

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What's it gonna take to convince you

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to leave a place like this and come with us?

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We may have access to a Lexus if you wanna joyride.

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- You like joyriding? - Vroom, vroom.

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What is this? What is going on here?

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Uh... Well...

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He... He left. Yeah.

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Okay, you need to leave too.

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What the...

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Poor Rodney. He was really freaked out.

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Maybe it was Jacob interrupting them,

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or maybe it was when they found out

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that Rodney is legally blind in one eye and can't shoot for shit.

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Don't think we didn't try. He's trash.

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A basketball recruit? Oh, thank God.

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My mind was going to terrible places.

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Anyway, they got off that idea and bounced to the next one

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like one of those ADHD kids.

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The only thing I will say is, their coffee was fantastic.

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Okay. Got a soy almond latte for Gregory. There we go.

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- Much obliged. - Okay. And Janine. You have the

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Yeah. it was a mocha grande half-caf with a splash of...

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- A splash of vanilla. - Yes.

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Okay. I got you right here.

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- There we go. Enjoy. Enjoy. - Thanks. Okay. Thank you.

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Katie, I remember you.

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Super complicated order.

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I gotta say, guys.

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This experience is not as bad as I thought it would be.

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Yeah. It's fine, you know.

#239

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I mean, for once, laying low is maybe paying off for us.

#240

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No, no, no. Screw laying low.

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I'm making a play for dingbat's guy, and it's working.

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- No. Dee, I said no angles. What're you... - Excuse me.

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Guys, excuse me. I'm volunteering,

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so I have to come through here. Yeah.

#245

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Yeah. Yeah, they said that the volunteers had to come through.

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'Cause we wouldn't normally do that.

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We're good people. But we had to. So...

#248

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What, bro? What?

#249

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Guys, I'm actually, like, really pissed at this school.

#250

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Like, they have no idea how to teach people, you know? Like...

#251

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- What, you not learning to read? - No. It's not the reading.

#252

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I know how to read. It's 9/11, man.

#253

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- What-What-What? - What about 9/11?

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Yeah?

#255

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The kids don't know anything about it, man.

#256

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- They don't know what it is. - What?

#257

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I heard a couple of 'em joking,

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and they were sharing funny, like, Internet memes.

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And they were, like, "Oh, yeah. Oh, that? I know that Internet joke thing."

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No.

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- That's how they know it. - Okay. Hold on a second. I...

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Well now I have to get involved, 'cause that's insane.

#263

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- Yeah, that's kids these days. - Huh?

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- 9/11 is just one giant meme to them. - Yeah, it's a big joke.

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- It is? - Yeah. It's like Pearl Harbor.

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I mean, you know, that happens. Everybody looks the other way.

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Now we're all buying Japanese cars.

#268

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And now the Arabs are buying golf from us.

#269

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- What? - Golf's not for sale, dude.

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The purest sport in the history of humanity?

#271

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What's next, football?

#272

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- Wait a minute. - What happened to "never forget"?

#273

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We said we weren't gonna forget.

#274

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We made an agreement to never forget.

#275

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We collectively made an agreement to never forget.

#276

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Next thing you know, now the camps And just buying whatever car we want?

#277

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- I mean, what the hell is this? - We're just forgetting what happened?

#278

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This argument went on for way too long.

#279

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I remember every goddamn one of those attackers' names.

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- Every goddamn one. - Of course you do.

#281

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- Mohamed Atta. - That guy!

#282

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- Marwan al-Shehhi! - Ziad Jarrah!

#283

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Bin Laden! He died like the dog in the dirt that he was, man!

#284

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- That's right, goddamn it. - That's where he belongs.

#285

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- The fallen fire department! - Gonna forget about the firefighters?

#286

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These people were passionate, but dumb as shit.

#287

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'Cause at some point they argued themselves right into conspiracy theories.

#288

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- So it had to be a hoax. - Of course. Yes.

#289

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I mean, steel would not melt at that temperature.

#290

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I mean, take fire to steel and see if it melts. It won't.

#291

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- You try it. - No, you know what?

#292

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A missile sent by your own government is probably what it was.

#293

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- I read online there wasn't even a plane. - Really?

#294

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I'm starting to think there wasn't even towers, dude.

#295

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- I'd never been to them. - Has anybody seen the towers?

#296

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- With your own eyes, not a picture. - Exactly. Not a picture.

#297

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Only seen pictures the government has shown me.

#298

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They're changing the weather now, do you know about this?

#299

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- They control the weather. - Yeah. With frogs. I saw that.

#300

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- They control the weather. - Yeah, with frogs.

#301

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- Yeah, they shoot the frogs up there. - They shoot frogs up there?

#302

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- They're throwing tornadoes at Florida. - Yeah. It creates a super storm.

#303

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- Crop control. - The oranges. There's too many oranges.

#304

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I know it sounds crazy but I think at one point,

#305

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these people were trying to start a boy band.

#306

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All right. Remember to combine all three words here.

#307

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Darnell Lewis and Jordan Cox,

#308

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please report to the principal's office.

#309

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I thought it was kinda odd

#310

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when Ava had one of the volunteers making announcements.

#311

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- Now, really think about... - No. What? Actually, wait.

#312

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Yeah, sorry. Go to the bathroom.

#313

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No, no. Don't tell them to go to the bathroom.

#314

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Dennis, the acoustics are better.

#315

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What? Have them come to the music room.

#316

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Yeah. Okay, fine. Darnell and Jordan,

#317

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please go to the music room or whatever. Thank you.

#318

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Did you have that pushed the whole time?

#319

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- The what? No, which What? - Keep doing your work.

#320

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I'll be right back.

#321

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So I had to go down there and check it out for myself.

#322

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* I'll make love to you Like you want me to *

#323

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* And I'll hold you tight Baby, all through the night *

#324

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- Ooh. This is what we want. - Yeah, yeah.

#325

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- This is good. - A little pitchy at times.

#326

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- Very good singer. - Very nice.

#327

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- He's a little pitchy, but it's fine. - Yeah? But...

#328

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My main concern is he's coming off like kind of a nerd.

#329

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You know we've already got our nerd.

#330

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- We need a bad boy. - We do.

#331

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Hey, Steven, would you say you're a bad boy?

#332

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I don't know.

#333

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- You don't know? - You don't know, huh?

#334

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I feel like a bad boy would know if he was bad, right?

#335

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- Yeah, he might. - I think so.

#336

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Damn it. I told Mac to get the detention list.

#337

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Yeah, 'cause that's how we're gonna find...

#338

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Hey. Hey. How we doing? All right.

#339

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What's going on in here?

#340

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Uh, we're just having auditions. Well, Ava said it was okay.

#341

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Ava said we could use the room.

#342

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- And we got her... - Real quick, just wanna walk this back.

#343

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Um, Ava said that it was okay for you to pull kids out of class

#344

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- so they could sing for you? - Yeah.

#345

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Yeah. Otherwise how we're gonna know who's the

#346

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It was kinda like a class. In a way, it's a music class.

#347

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Basically like, we're just kind of, like, shopping for kids here,

#348

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and we got a pretty good collection.

#349

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You know, we got a nerd and we got the boy next door.

#350

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We got the ugly one that people feel sorry for, but we

#351

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He's so ugly too. But he is uglier than...

#352

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Maybe too ugly.

#353

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- Yeah, maybe too ugly. - Now we found our bad boy.

#354

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You see, the bad boy is the most important one.

#355

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Because the bad boy makes the sexual component less weird.

#356

⇓

Yeah. I wouldn't have said that, but...

#357

⇓

That's not why. That's not really the...

#358

⇓

This was some crazy shit. I didn't wanna deal with it,

#359

⇓

so I took it to Ava.

#360

⇓

Ava.

#361

⇓

- What? - The others were right.

#362

⇓

These volunteers have got to go.

#363

⇓

No. You were right. They're amazing, and they're staying.

#364

⇓

Shit. I might frame 'em for another crime just to get their hours up.

#365

⇓

What? What? No.

#366

⇓

Did I ask you to stop steaming?

#367

⇓

Okay. She was right.

#368

⇓

Between fighting teachers, pissing in lockers and the boy band thing,

#369

⇓

I should have booted their ass.

#370

⇓

Because that white woman was going in.

#371

⇓

What do you mean you didn't get the fight on camera?

#372

⇓

What is wrong with you?

#373

⇓

I let that bitch kick my ass so that I could look like a victim.

#374

⇓

You think I couldn't kick her...

#375

⇓

She's tiny. I could destroy her.

#376

⇓

I'd rip her hair out.

#377

⇓

I'd rip this whole school bald if I wanted to,

#378

⇓

oh, but that would like some kind of hate crime

#379

⇓

in the liberal media.

#380

⇓

Wouldn't they just love that. No. I'm not doing it.

#381

⇓

What's wrong with you? You call yourself a camera crew?

#382

⇓

Oh, my God. Get your head out of your ass.

#383

⇓

Nah, I've seen some shit.

#384

⇓

But crazy white people hit different.

#385

⇓

"Let me kick her ass?"

#386

⇓

No. I am not a violent person, but if I wanna kick someone's ass, I will.

#387

⇓

"Let me kick her ass." She said that?

#388

⇓

No. No. And you know what? I'm not mad.

#389

⇓

I'm not, because I am totally over that woman,

#390

⇓

um, because I'm a happy person. So...

#391

⇓

I'm so sorry. I saw a mosquito.

#392

⇓

Yeah, so, in one point

#393

⇓

I was misled into believing they were shooting an educational video

#394

⇓

in the vein of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire."

#395

⇓

I don't know how the fuck they got on this.

#396

⇓

Bye. See youse.

#397

⇓

Knock, knock, knock. I've got a piping hot

#398

⇓

caramel macchiato for a Melissa.

#399

⇓

That's me.

#400

⇓

- Oh, there you are. - Thank you, Dennis.

#401

⇓

It's my pleasure. Absolutely. Hey, Go birds.

#402

⇓

- Go birds. - Hey, listen.

#403

⇓

Um, might I trouble you with a query?

#404

⇓

On the subject of Billy Joel with the scale being, one:

#405

⇓

"I can't stand his music" to ten:

#406

⇓

"I think he's the single greatest musician in the history of sound,"

#407

⇓

where do you place the man?

#408

⇓

Negative five. But you know who is a massive fan?

#409

⇓

A hundred fifty. A million ten. Infinity.

#410

⇓

Amazing. Okay, great. Yeah.

#411

⇓

So we are actually looking to recruit teachers

#412

⇓

to help us with a little song.

#413

⇓

By that point, I should have known better

#414

⇓

but, um, I'm a sucker for anything Billy Joel related, so...

#415

⇓

- Yeah. - This is really exciting, guys.

#416

⇓

Okay. So here's what we're gonna do.

#417

⇓

You, our modern educators,

#418

⇓

are going to sing the updated lyrics

#419

⇓

to Billy Joel's classic song,

#420

⇓

and we will be reenacting the iconic historical moments

#421

⇓

on video at a later date.

#422

⇓

Oh, my God. Can we be part of that as well? 'Cause...

#423

⇓

I feel like it wouldn't be right if you weren't.

#424

⇓

- That's great. Let's get them involved. - Yeah.

#425

⇓

- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay.

#426

⇓

Matter of fact, I'm gonna film the rehearsal.

#427

⇓

Yeah, just shoot it. Shoot everything.

#428

⇓

Okay, I'm gonna stumble through one.

#429

⇓

Don't worry if you get it wrong.

#430

⇓

- Okay. Yeah. - Let's just try it for time. Okay? Um...

#431

⇓

Okay. And...

#432

⇓

* Caitlin Clark And Angel Reese *

#433

⇓

* Captain Sully hit some geese *

#434

⇓

* Marijuana legalized *

#435

⇓

* Price of copper Is on the rise *

#436

⇓

* Kaepernick takes a knee *

#437

⇓

* Ozempic cures obesity *

#438

⇓

* Y2K was overblown They shut down Guantánamo *

#439

⇓

* We didn't start the fire It was always burning *

#440

⇓

- * Always burning * - * Since the world's been turning *

#441

⇓

- * Since the world's been turning * - * We didn't start the fire *

#442

⇓

- * We didn't start the fire * - * It was always burning *

#443

⇓

- * Since the world's been turning * - * It's always turning *

#444

⇓

* We didn't, we didn't We didn't, we didn't *

#445

⇓

* We didn't we didn't, we didn't *

#446

⇓

* We didn't start the fire *

#447

⇓

Actually, they did start a fire.

#448

⇓

You see this? Look, it's not even wilting.

#449

⇓

Mac, that's indestructible.

#450

⇓

You're telling me that an entire building is gonna melt to the ground

#451

⇓

but we can't even melt the bench?

#452

⇓

- I don't think so. Oh. - Oh!

#453

⇓

Oh, shit. It's going up the wall.

#454

⇓

But eventually, the whole song thing fell apart

#455

⇓

when they discovered something that they did not like.

#456

⇓

- Wow. Wow, guys. This was amazing. - Yes.

#457

⇓

- Love it. You guys. - Charlie.

#458

⇓

Look, guys. I'm so excited and I really can't wait

#459

⇓

to be a part of the reenactment. I just want to throw that out there again,

#460

⇓

but I'm just curious, like, as to why you guys are doing it?

#461

⇓

I just was wondering.

#462

⇓

- Fair. Fair. - Yeah. That's a good question. Like...

#463

⇓

So we realized that the kids don't know anything about 9/11 really.

#464

⇓

It's like a joke or a meme to them.

#465

⇓

And, like, "Never forget," you know?

#466

⇓

We said, "Never forget," and they seemed to have forgotten.

#467

⇓

I love this. I mean, I love this.

#468

⇓

Human beings have been educating one another

#469

⇓

through the method of song for generations

#470

⇓

that predate even the most ancient of societies.

#471

⇓

- Absolutely. - Yeah.

#472

⇓

This particular song was instrumental,

#473

⇓

- I would say, in our education - It was big for us.

#474

⇓

and we just felt like it was due for an update. Right.

#475

⇓

- It's due for an update. - Yes.

#476

⇓

And I love that you guys did it almost better than Fall Out Boy, you know?

#477

⇓

- With the lyric change and everything. - Yeah.

#478

⇓

Well then, no this is Billy Joel's song.

#479

⇓

No, no. The band Fall Out Boy, they already did an update

#480

⇓

- Yeah. - like, of this song.

#481

⇓

Changed all the lyrics and

#482

⇓

Who's Fall Out Boy?

#483

⇓

It's an emo band that did a really good update. It was really good.

#484

⇓

- Okay. - Yeah.

#485

⇓

- I thought that's why you... - Yeah.

#486

⇓

Will you excuse us for a moment?

#487

⇓

We're gonna need a...

#488

⇓

- We're just gonna need a minute. - Okay.

#489

⇓

Is it to go listen to their version?

#490

⇓

- To... - No.

#491

⇓

- No. - Oh, okay.

#492

⇓

Apparently, this Fall Out Boy thing was a big deal to them.

#493

⇓

Son of a bitch!

#494

⇓

Every goddamn time we try a single thing

#495

⇓

this goddamn Fall Out Boy!

#496

⇓

- Goddamn pricks! - Always a step ahead of us! Fuckers!

#497

⇓

I mean, the Ed Hardy jeans.

#498

⇓

- The spiked hair. - Yeah!

#499

⇓

Plus the eyeliner! That was my look.

#500

⇓

- He stole it from me. - It was your look, Mac!

#501

⇓

That has been your look!

#502

⇓

- Goddamn Fall Out Boy. - This goddamn Fall Out Boy.

#503

⇓

I've got nothing for this.

#504

⇓

In all my years of teaching primary school,

#505

⇓

I have never seen a student of mine tantrum that long.

#506

⇓

And these were full-grown adults

#507

⇓

with fully-developed frontal lobes.

#508

⇓

I thought they were done.

#509

⇓

But then, I found this video online.

#510

⇓

It was titled "Fall Out Boy can't stop us."

#511

⇓

* Caitlin Clark And Angel Reese *

#512

⇓

* Captain Sully hit some geese *

#513

⇓

* Marijuana legalized *

#514

⇓

* Price of copper is on the rise *

#515

⇓

* Kaepernick takes a knee *

#516

⇓

* Ozempic cures obesity *

#517

⇓

* Y2K was overblown They shut down Guantánamo *

#518

⇓

* We didn't start the *

#519

⇓

I gotta hand it to these jabronis.

#520

⇓

'Cause I didn't really like the original,

#521

⇓

'cause I felt like Billy Joel didn't even try

#522

⇓

to match the lyrics to the video,

#523

⇓

but these guys, they milked the school

#524

⇓

for every minute of content they could.

#525

⇓

It reminded me of that verse on DMX's "What You Want."

#526

⇓

"There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia."

#527

⇓

I wasn't mad at it. It was a bop.

#528

⇓

Look, at the end of the day, did I like those people?

#529

⇓

No. I did not.

#530

⇓

But I will admit

#531

⇓

that what they did before they left was pretty nice.

#532

⇓

Thank you all so much for coming here.

#533

⇓

Please enjoy a round of drinks on us.

#534

⇓

- Johnnie Walker Blue. - No spirits.

#535

⇓

Chardonnay, please.

#536

⇓

Gosh, we don't have a bottle already open.

#537

⇓

- Yeah. - Okay. Heineken.

#538

⇓

- Well, no imports though. - Yeah.

#539

⇓

Jesus Christ.

#540

⇓

How about an iced tea?

#541

⇓

- Iced tea. Uh, I think we have ice. - Mm-mmm.

#542

⇓

Nope. You don't have ice.

#543

⇓

- I already checked. And... - Yeah, no.

#544

⇓

We're off water altogether.

#545

⇓

- Sorry. - We're not doing water anymore in the bar.

#546

⇓

It's a whole thing.

#547

⇓

I am so sorry, but why are we here?

#548

⇓

- Like, what is this? - Oh, right.

#549

⇓

Yes, no. Fair. Um, yeah.

#550

⇓

Well, listen, we just wanted to let you know

#551

⇓

that our experience with you really touched us.

#552

⇓

You know, you blindsided us with your heart

#553

⇓

and your care for those children.

#554

⇓

And while Frank is sorry that he couldn't be here today,

#555

⇓

he did spring for this gift for your teacher's lounge.

#556

⇓

Mac.

#557

⇓

A new espresso machine.

#558

⇓

Nice, right? We don't even have one of these.

#559

⇓

May you be as happy as you are caffeinated.

#560

⇓

Maybe they're kinda sweet. That was kinda sweet.

#561

⇓

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.

#562

⇓

It wasn't that sweet. Come with me.

#563

⇓

I think they lured us down to their bar so the old one could do this.

#564

⇓

He must've ripped out about a hundred feet of copper.

#565

⇓

But on the bright side,

#566

⇓

the state was gonna make us move out some old pipes,

#567

⇓

so actually he saved us a few grand in construction costs.

#568

⇓

I'm gonna lose my job if anyone sees this, so burn those tapes.

#569

⇓

- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com

#570

⇓