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Home » The Boys » S05E05 — One-Shots

The Boys

Season 5, Episode 5 — One-Shots

TMDB episode metadata

Show: The Boys

Episode title: One-Shots

Air date: April 29, 2026

Director: Philip Sgriccia

Top billed cast: Karl Urban, Jack Quaid, Antony Starr, Erin Moriarty, Laz Alonso, Chace Crawford

Tonight at 9/8C a @VoughtNews special report: Treason in Tinseltown! Find out which of your favorite Hollywood stars are rumored to be Starlighters!

Source: TMDB

↓

I'll fucking kill you.

fucking fucking-kill kill

↓

-[grunting] -[intense music playing]

grunting intense intense-music intense-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[yelling]

yelling

↓

[Butcher] I got you something.

butcher

↓

[Ryan] Terror! Does he still hump everything?

hump ryan terror

↓

[Butcher] He does his best.

best butcher

↓

My grandma was diagnosed with leukemia.

diagnosed grandma leukemia

↓

I discovered a cure.

cure discovered

↓

They laughed at me.

laughed

↓

Fuck them all.

fuck

↓

[Firecracker] Heavens to Betsy!

betsy firecracker heavens

↓

What's that smell? It's Soldier Boy. I can smell him all over you.

smell soldier

↓

-Where's Noir? -He just disappears every afternoon.

afternoon disappears noir

↓

Won't say where he's going. Won't say shit.

↓

-I trusted you. -[Deep] Are you still butthurt

deep trusted

↓

-about me bringing in Stan Edgar? -[Black Noir] I thought we were friends.

black black-noir bringing edgar friends noir stan stan-edgar

↓

I needed a win from Homelander, Edgar was it.

edgar homelander needed

↓

If we get the V1 first, we save Annie, we save Kimiko.

annie kimiko save

↓

If Homelander gets it, he's immortal.

homelander immortal

↓

[Butcher] A punch like a bleeding sledgehammer

bleeding butcher punch

↓

and a taste for fucking smack.

fucking smack taste

↓

Bombsight.

bombsight

↓

[Soldier Boy] Enriched uranium.

enriched soldier

↓

Good luck getting out of a Supe-proof cell

cell luck proof supe

↓

while you're bleeding out of your ass.

bleeding

↓

The V1 wasn't here.

↓

Just fucking do it already.

fucking

↓

[Homelander] I was visited by an angel.

angel homelander visited

↓

Today, we commit ourselves

commit today

↓

to a divine rebranding.

divine rebranding

↓

I am the Messiah.

↓

The Democratic Church of America!

america church democratic democratic-church

↓

[congregation chanting] Homelander! Homelander!

chanting homelander homelander-homelander

↓

[inspirational music playing]

inspirational inspirational-music music music-playing playing

↓

[narrator] They're up before dawn.

dawn narrator

↓

They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.

cattle heads herd thousand

↓

It's hard work and strong coffee.

coffee hard strong

↓

Old leather saddles

leather saddles

↓

and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.

remington stock worn

↓

And when the sun finally rises over the range,

finally range rises

↓

the cowboys know

cowboys

↓

America is God's country

america country gods

↓

and Americans, God's chosen people.

americans chosen gods

↓

So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans

americans church

↓

with American grit and American values?

american grit values

↓

Founded by the greatest American of us all?

american founded greatest

↓

A true American prophet?

american prophet

↓

Come home to the Democratic Church of America.

america church democratic democratic-church home

↓

Come home to Homelander.

home homelander

↓

Already, the campaign's Aided Awareness

awareness

↓

outpaces the norm by plus-22 points,

norm plus points

↓

led by white men and women, ages 36 to 54 and 55 to 72.

ages white women

↓

We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.

ground growth level massive seeing

↓

Yeah? 'Cause I'm seeing massive growth myself.

growth massive seeing

↓

Church attendance is up,

attendance church

↓

and our online donation CTR is at 44%.

donation online

↓

That's a new record. Amen.

amen record

↓

Amen.

amen

↓

Next up is a 500 million ad blitz

million

↓

with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.

digital print

↓

Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America

aint america church democratic democratic-church nobody

↓

and its chosen prophet.

chosen prophet

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

Prophets are servants.

servants

↓

Of course.

course

↓

Sir, great point.

point

↓

We're just trying to ease people into it.

ease

↓

No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension.

america prepare

↓

-We must be honest. We must be direct. -[claps hands]

claps direct hands honest must

↓

-I like "savior." -[Firecracker] Mm.

firecracker savior

↓

Or-or--

↓

Lord.

lord

↓

Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.

agree

↓

-[Homelander] Mm. -Religion is not about being meek.

homelander meek religion

↓

We should dominate

dominate

↓

the seven mountains of society,

mountains seven society

↓

bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. Amen.

amen bring earth heaven kingdom

↓

-Amen. -Amen. I love all that.

amen amen-amen love

↓

So fucking dope.

dope fucking

↓

[Oh Father] Easter is just around the corner.

corner easter father

↓

How perfect would it be for your second coming

coming perfect second

↓

to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?

jesus resurrection

↓

Mm. Second coming?

coming second

↓

Let's be clear, I am not the son of God.

clear

↓

Yeah, well, of course.

course

↓

Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.

believe jesus

↓

Well, that's just confusing.

confusing

↓

I don't want my church getting involved in all... that.

church involved

↓

[Firecracker] Exactly.

firecracker

↓

Besides, if we pull up our timeline,

besides pull timeline

↓

you won't have...

↓

this.

↓

[hopeful music playing]

hopeful music music-playing playing

↓

[Homelander gasps]

gasps homelander

↓

We're gonna drag our feet because of a book?

book drag feet

↓

Not a book.

book

↓

The book.

book

↓

The Homelander Bible.

bible homelander

↓

Heavy.

heavy

↓

[quietly] What the fuck?

fuck quietly

↓

It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament,

testament

↓

and the Brand New American Testament,

american brand testament

↓

written by A.I. trained on the works of Pat Robertson.

trained works written

↓

See, we need to pass the torch, sir,

pass torch

↓

from Jesus to you.

jesus

↓

Sir, we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.

chance impression

↓

Are we really gonna rush something this important?

rush

↓

-We ain't Arby's, after all. -No.

aint

↓

We're the Cheesecake Factory.

cheesecake factory

↓

[sighs] Okay.

sighs

↓

We'll do it your way.

↓

Thank you.

↓

You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval

realize religious sudden

↓

is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?

civil generate likely

↓

[Firecracker] Local law should be able to handle the suburbs,

able firecracker handle local suburbs

↓

but we could use extra hands in major metros.

extra hands major

↓

Oh, let's recall all Supes stationed overseas.

overseas recall stationed supes

↓

American heroes should be protecting America,

america american heroes protecting

↓

-not Who-Gives-A-Fuckistan. -Great idea.

gives idea

↓

-[laughs] -[phone vibrating]

laughs phone phone-vibrating vibrating

↓

[suspenseful music playing]

music music-playing playing suspenseful suspenseful-music suspenseful-music-playing

↓

-Something wrong? -Everything's peachy.

everythings peachy

↓

[siren wailing in distance]

distance siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

[Reverend Dupree] Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.

city reverend sleeps

↓

How could you with all that racket?

racket

↓

-You get used to it. -You seem to have.

used

↓

City life seems to suit you.

city life seems suit

↓

I guess.

↓

I was surprised you called, Reverend.

called reverend surprised

↓

Well, I was surprised you answered.

answered surprised

↓

It's been a while, and, uh, I said things I regret.

regret

↓

We both did.

↓

You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?

church remember school used

↓

Use your powers to light our candles? [laughs]

candles laughs light powers

↓

I remember staying for supper.

remember staying supper

↓

Oh, man, those Fish Fry Fridays.

fish fridays

↓

I never liked eating alone.

alone eating liked

↓

Or were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?

least square

↓

Reverend, is something the matter?

matter reverend

↓

I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but, um,

embarrassed

↓

the last couple of weeks have been rough.

couple rough weeks

↓

We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America,

america bleeding church democratic democratic-church

↓

and what folks are sticking around, they're scared.

folks scared sticking

↓

-Why? -'Cause last Sunday, somebody, um,

somebody sunday

↓

melted our stained glass window of Mary.

glass mary melted stained window

↓

-Melted it? -Mm-hmm.

melted

↓

It was our local Supe, Praying Mantis.

local mantis praying supe

↓

He sprayed acid out of his butt.

acid butt sprayed

↓

-I mean, his... his glands, his whatever. -Yeah.

glands

↓

-I know him. -It was a message.

message

↓

I called the sheriff. I called the mayor. I called half of Florida.

called florida half mayor sheriff

↓

You're all I got left.

left

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

Reverend, I don't know what I could do.

reverend

↓

[Reverend Dupree] Well, you got to be able to do something.

able reverend

↓

You're Homelander's right hand.

hand homelanders

↓

Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.

challenged homelanders keen

↓

Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?

franchise join

↓

Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.

afford barely bill honey water

↓

Besides, the Democratic Church of America?

america besides church democratic democratic-church

↓

God does not favor one nation over another.

another favor nation

↓

-Doesn't he, though? [chuckles] -No.

chuckles

↓

Name one way God's ever blessed Canada. [chuckles]

blessed canada chuckles gods name

↓

Just 'cause Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.

homelander tells

↓

You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure?

action figure jesus

↓

[Firecracker laughs]

firecracker laughs

↓

I'm surprised you remember that.

remember surprised

↓

How could I forget it? You carried it with you everywhere you went.

carried forget

↓

-[laughs] -You almost wore the face off the thing.

face laughs wore

↓

Do you still carry him?

carry

↓

[gentle music playing]

gentle gentle-music gentle-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

It's complicated.

complicated

↓

No, it's... I don't think it is.

↓

Homelander is a... he's a great American.

american homelander

↓

He can stop bullets, he can fly, and do amazing things.

amazing bullets

↓

Those aren't miracles.

miracles

↓

And he is not God.

↓

If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to over fish,

bible fish gray taught tucker

↓

I think you know it, too.

↓

[groaning]

groaning

↓

[pants]

pants

↓

[grunting]

grunting

↓

We ain't doing that again.

aint

↓

[laughs] That's what you said the last six times.

laughs times

↓

No, I really mean it this time.

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

You seem a little out of it. Did you nut?

↓

'Cause usually you nut.

usually

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

Were you baptized?

↓

Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.

front half hill

↓

Governor Sproul did the honors.

governor honors

↓

My family kept up appearances, of course.

appearances course family

↓

Then we never set foot in church again.

church foot

↓

I had lunch today with the reverend who baptized me.

lunch lunch-today reverend today

↓

He's been getting heat to switch over to our church.

church heat switch

↓

You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him?

easy homelander might open

↓

Just... give him a little more time?

↓

I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.

anybody practically raised

↓

So you didn't nut?

↓

You know, this whole Homelander as God shit, it's...

homelander whole

↓

it's fucking ridiculous.

fucking ridiculous

↓

Really? You think so?

↓

If he's the second coming, then what does that make me? Joseph?

coming joseph second

↓

I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history.

biggest cuck history

↓

Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin,

best virgin

↓

and then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.

baby comes gravy meat squirts wallet

↓

Fuck that.

fuck

↓

I guess I've been struggling with where to place

place struggling

↓

Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.

heart homelander jesus lord

↓

Okay.

↓

Of course I worship Homelander.

course homelander worship

↓

I mean, he's always been a god to me.

↓

Look, I'll tell you this.

↓

If there is a God...

↓

...sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.

balls

↓

-I got to go. -Where you off to?

↓

L.A.

↓

I fucking hate L.A.

fucking fucking-hate hate

↓

[knock on door]

door knock

↓

[Firecracker] Homelander?

firecracker homelander

↓

[suspenseful music playing]

music music-playing playing suspenseful suspenseful-music suspenseful-music-playing

↓

Homelander?

homelander

↓

[soft whoosh]

soft whoosh

↓

Hello?

↓

Does Homelander know you're here?

homelander

↓

Yeah, of course.

course

↓

Some of our church's followers generously donated their milk

churchs donated followers milk

↓

for our savior's sustenance.

saviors

↓

I mean, he got to get this liquid gold from somewhere, am I right? [laughing]

gold laughing liquid

↓

You need something?

↓

Where's Homelander?

homelander

↓

Oh, uh, he didn't tell you?

↓

Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.

↓

Strange he didn't mention anything.

mention strange

↓

Well, I've been real busy working for his glory,

busy glory real working

↓

so not much time for chitchat.

↓

Of course.

course

↓

Look at us, a regular Peter and John, just bearing witness

bearing john peter regular witness

↓

-and spreading the gospel. -[sighs]

gospel sighs spreading

↓

A real blessing.

blessing real

↓

-Amen. A real... -Amen.

amen real

↓

-...blessing. -Oh, uh, by the way,

blessing

↓

after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible,

bible checked homelander meeting timeline

↓

and, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.

easter happy rush

↓

Well, ain't you full of get-up-and-go.

aint full

↓

Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.

problem

↓

So, I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.

bent holding wondered

↓

I wasn't.

↓

See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.

wanted

↓

Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts,

doubts feeling

↓

come to me.

↓

I can be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.

friendly shoulder warm

↓

Well, bless your heart.

bless heart

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

I'll do that.

↓

What'd you want to talk to Homelander about?

homelander whatd

↓

Maybe I can help.

↓

That is so kind of you.

↓

But it wasn't important.

↓

[knock on door]

door knock

↓

What's up?

↓

Um...

↓

Got a tip from our southeast stringer.

↓

Praying Mantis raided half a dozen churches in Daytona.

churches dozen half mantis praying

↓

Was one of 'em Holy Baptist?

holy

↓

The man upstairs wants us-- you-- to run with it top of show.

upstairs wants

↓

He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.

church home itll statement strong thinks

↓

So I'll have Chris load the new graphics?

chris load

↓

I got to finish getting ready.

finish ready

↓

[somber music playing]

music music-playing playing somber somber-music somber-music-playing

↓

-[rock music playing] -♪ USA... ♪

music music-playing playing rock rock-music rock-music-playing

↓

Welcome to Truthbomb.

welcome

↓

Our top story tonight's a personal one.

personal story tonights

↓

It's the story of my hometown church,

church hometown story

↓

Holy Baptist of Daytona.

holy

↓

It was the church I grew up in.

church grew

↓

Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.

sang sunday

↓

But that church...

church

↓

That church...

church

↓

That church...

church

↓

...has become

become

↓

a hotbed of Starlighter infestation.

starlighter

↓

And my old pastor,

↓

Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected

greg infected reverend

↓

by Starlight's seditious propaganda.

propaganda starlights

↓

Now...

↓

...I never told a soul this,

soul

↓

but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over for supper.

girl regularly reverend supper

↓

Alone.

alone

↓

No.

↓

Nothing ever happened to me, but...

happened

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

I heard stories about his "Fish Fry Fridays."

fish fridays heard stories

↓

And if that ain't code for child grooming,

aint child code grooming

↓

I don't know what is.

↓

How much longer

longer

↓

are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches

churches pedo

↓

diddle our babies?

babies diddle

↓

Americans deserve better.

americans deserve

↓

They deserve... Homelander.

deserve homelander

↓

They deserve

deserve

↓

the Democratic Church of America.

america church democratic democratic-church

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

[phone vibrates]

phone phone-vibrates vibrates

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

Something wrong?

↓

Everything's peachy.

everythings peachy

↓

-Would you like some knee pads? -I'm sorry?

knee knee-pads pads

↓

You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.

looking suck

↓

So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.

asking knee knee-pads pads

↓

[stammers]

stammers

↓

[Homelander] Take it easy on the little guy.

easy homelander

↓

He brought me Stan Edgar.

brought edgar stan stan-edgar

↓

[knuckles crack]

crack knuckles

↓

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

↓

[dramatic music playing]

dramatic dramatic-music dramatic-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[lighthearted music playing]

lighthearted lighthearted-music lighthearted-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

Barry Gibb. B.G. There's no Bee Gees without me.

barry

↓

B.G. means the "Brothers Gibb."

brothers

↓

What, you think that falsetto makes you boss?

boss makes

↓

I think Saturday Night Fever going platinum 16 times makes me boss.

boss fever makes night saturday saturday-night times

↓

We made that album together.

album

↓

You're nothing without me and Maurice.

maurice

↓

Don't you dare bring Maurice into this!

bring dare maurice

↓

[scoffs]

scoffs

↓

I don't know. It feels inauthentic for Barry to move like this.

barry feels

↓

[Adam] Oh, yeah?

adam

↓

In what way?

↓

Egomaniacs like Barry are-are really just insecure.

barry insecure

↓

I think he's threatened by Robin's talent.

robins talent threatened

↓

So, maybe he, uh, expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead?

barrel roll

↓

Never mind. Sorry, I broke character. I didn't mean to--

broke character mind

↓

Yeah.

↓

You need to apologize all right.

apologize

↓

For being a fucking genius.

fucking genius

↓

Are you fucking kidding me? A barrel roll?

barrel fucking fucking-kidding kidding roll

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

It's brilliant.

brilliant

↓

Justin, I don't know who you are,

justin

↓

or where you came from, or anything about you,

↓

but, my God, if you are not a fucking talent.

fucking talent

↓

-Wow, thank you. -No.

↓

Thank you.

↓

Let's take ten, everybody.

everybody

↓

-[siren wailing in distance] -[Adam sighs]

adam distance sighs siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

All right.

↓

-Lay it on me, Justin. -What do you mean?

justin

↓

You're acting up there. Stop acting.

acting

↓

Stop acting.

acting

↓

Don't act. Don't.

↓

Because I don't need an actor.

actor

↓

I need Barry Gibb.

barry

↓

You're right, boss. I'm sorry.

boss

↓

My process has been all over the map. I just...

process

↓

This scene hits a little close to home.

close hits home scene

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

All right, let me guess. The egomaniac we're talking about,

egomaniac

↓

that's someone in your life?

life

↓

Someone I work with.

↓

In my... day job.

↓

All right. What are you doing? So quit.

quit

↓

There's no way this gig is more important than the fucking theater.

fucking theater

↓

I thought this guy was my brother,

brother

↓

but he straight-up hijacked something I did and took all the credit for it.

credit hijacked straight

↓

All right.

↓

I've been trying to keep this on the D.L., but...

↓

in addition to my theater work,

addition theater

↓

I also happen to be a massive feature director.

director feature happen massive

↓

Four Saturn Awards to prove it.

awards four prove

↓

So, I was working on this little film, I don't know, you may have heard of it,

film heard working

↓

called Dawn of the Seven.

called dawn seven

↓

Billion dollar gross, but who's counting.

billion billion-dollar counting dollar gross

↓

There was this fucking guy, the Deep,

deep fucking

↓

he just kept upstaging everyone with his trite, shitty improvs.

shitty

↓

I heard he's a real baby.

baby heard real

↓

He is a Jared Leto-level baby bitch.

baby bitch jared level

↓

But you got to put people like that in their place, right?

place

↓

So, whoever is upstaging you, you fucking upstage them right back.

fucking

↓

-Okay? -Yeah.

↓

All right.

↓

You got this, bubbeleh.

↓

[lighthearted music playing]

lighthearted lighthearted-music lighthearted-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[computer voice] Testing. Testing. Bitch. Bitch.

bitch bitch-bitch computer testing testing-testing voice

↓

-So great you're here, bro. -Alpha. Sigma. Beta.

alpha beta

↓

Yes, well, we need to meet young men where they are

meet young

↓

if we plan to usher them into the fold of our Lord.

fold lord plan

↓

Mm. Totes McGotes.

↓

So, listen, you know, I've got some ideas

ideas

↓

about how to take this whole church thing to the next level.

church level whole

↓

Oh, yeah?

↓

So you know how communion wafers taste like dried shit?

dried taste

↓

What if they were Nilla wafers instead.

nilla

↓

Ah?

↓

Oh, yeah, and if you could throw in a commandment

throw

↓

about how it's not cool to try and bone another bro's girl.

another bone bros cool girl

↓

We have that. That already exists.

exists

↓

Great minds then, eh? [laughs]

laughs minds

↓

Point is, me and Homelander, we go way back.

homelander point

↓

I know what he likes, doesn't like,

likes

↓

so you ever want to bounce some ideas back--

bounce ideas

↓

Don't listen to him, bro.

↓

Oh, shit!

↓

He talks.

talks

↓

-No, he does not. -He's not trying to help you.

↓

He's like those fish who suck on whales.

fish suck whales

↓

[scoffs] You talking about a suckerfish?

scoffs

↓

He latches onto every new Supe-- Starlight, me, Sage.

sage starlight supe

↓

He pretends he's the guy, but he's not the guy. He's a joke.

joke pretends

↓

That smell on his breath? It's because he's been clam diving, on clams.

breath clam clams diving smell

↓

What? I have not done that.

↓

-I have definitely never done that. -[Black Noir] Look, if you

black black-noir noir

↓

really want to impress Homelander, bring me onstage for Easter.

bring easter homelander impress onstage

↓

Homelander can heal me. I'll get my voice back.

heal homelander voice

↓

And then, I'll fly.

↓

-You know I can fly, right? -That's so fucking stupid, bro!

fucking fucking-stupid stupid

↓

Well, now, I'm gonna have to run this by Homelander, but, uh,

homelander

↓

an honest to God faith healing?

faith healing honest

↓

That's like a nine-point bump with Pentecostals right there.

bump nine point

↓

[laughs] Goddamn.

goddamn laughs

↓

[lighthearted music playing]

lighthearted lighthearted-music lighthearted-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[Adam] There's my guy.

adam

↓

Little pep in the step, huh?

step

↓

Sir, I did what you said, and I upstaged that fuckhead at work.

↓

I'm proud of you.

proud

↓

Now, that's exactly how I handled that motherfucker Paul Rudd.

handled motherfucker paul

↓

He's not who you think he is.

↓

I appreciate the help, boss.

appreciate boss

↓

[stammers, chuckles]

chuckles stammers

↓

Oh, my God, kid. You know what?

↓

Keep this between us, but you know Vought Studios

studios vought

↓

hung me out to dry after they shelved Training A-Train?

hung train training

↓

-[grunts softly] -Oh, yeah.

grunts grunts-softly softly

↓

And at first, I drowned my sorrows in crack,

crack drowned

↓

nitrous, huffing glue, huffing paint, paint thinners, cough medicine, guns,

cough glue guns medicine paint

↓

high-risk sex, codeine.

risk

↓

Do you ever fuck on codeine?

fuck

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

But that's not the answer.

answer

↓

[gentle music playing]

gentle gentle-music gentle-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

This play.

↓

It saved me.

saved

↓

You saved me.

saved

↓

Wow. Thank you.

↓

No. Kid, thank you.

↓

'Cause I got some big news.

news

↓

We're going to Broadway.

broadway

↓

[laughs] Yes. No more mindless studio bullshit.

bullshit laughs mindless studio

↓

I can finally be the artist I always dreamed of, and you...

artist dreamed finally

↓

Kid, you have no idea, but you're gonna be a fucking star.

fucking idea star

↓

So, you ditch that office gig 'cause you and I, we are gonna save the world.

ditch office save world

↓

With our talent.

talent

↓

Oh, my God. You have no idea how much this means to me!

idea

↓

[chuckles, grunts] I love you, kid.

chuckles grunts love

↓

You start your vocal warm-ups.

start vocal warm

↓

-Yeah. -I'm gonna drop a deuce.

deuce drop

↓

Okay.

↓

[water splashes]

water

↓

Fucking Tony Gilroy.

fucking tony

↓

-[suspenseful music playing] -[water bubbling]

bubbling music music-playing playing suspenseful suspenseful-music suspenseful-music-playing water

↓

-[squelching] -[screaming]

screaming

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

-[intense music playing] -[screaming]

intense intense-music intense-music-playing music music-playing playing screaming

↓

[Black Noir] Adam?

adam black black-noir noir

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

Get it out!

↓

-[screaming] -[screeching]

screaming screeching

↓

[groans]

groans

↓

[panting]

panting

↓

Come here.

↓

[somber music playing]

music music-playing playing somber somber-music somber-music-playing

↓

Closer.

closer

↓

[inhales deeply]

deeply inhales inhales-deeply

↓

My asshole hurts so fucking much.

asshole fucking hurts

↓

[intense music playing]

intense intense-music intense-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[panting]

panting

↓

[squeaks weakly]

squeaks weakly

↓

[door opens]

door door-opens opens

↓

-[door closes] -Hey, bro.

closes door door-closes

↓

Don't you fucking "hey bro" me. What the fuck is wrong with you?

fuck fucking

↓

Nothing. Why? What's wrong with you?

↓

I call you a "clam diver," and you send an eel to ass-murder Adam Bourke?

adam bourke clam diver murder send

↓

Did something terrible happen at your play rehearsal today?

happen rehearsal today

↓

Which is definitely not your job.

↓

The lead producer's stepping away. They're shuttering the production.

lead producers production stepping

↓

[scoffs] He had it coming.

coming scoffs

↓

Fucker didn't use my improvs in Dawn of the Seven.

dawn fucker seven

↓

He believed in me, you fuckwit!

believed

↓

And for what? 'Cause I fucking upstaged you with Oh Father?

father fucking

↓

[tense music playing]

music music-playing playing tense tense-music tense-music-playing

↓

Here's what gonna happen now.

happen

↓

You are gonna fucking do whatever I say whenever I say it,

fucking

↓

or I'm gonna tell Homelander you were in some pussy play,

homelander pussy

↓

which is a definite conflict of interest

conflict definite interest

↓

since Homelander outlawed the National Endowment for the Arts.

arts homelander national

↓

You have nothing to say? Nice.

↓

You're really getting the hang of that Meisner technique, huh?

hang technique

↓

-[intense music playing] -[door opens, closes]

closes door door-opens door-opens-closes intense intense-music intense-music-playing music music-playing opens opens-closes playing

↓

[uplifting music playing]

music music-playing playing

↓

-Hey. Hey, buddy. -[Terror panting]

buddy panting terror

↓

Good boy. Good boy.

↓

Hi.

↓

[music distorting]

music

↓

You want to fuck me?

fuck

↓

[distorted] You want to fuck me like a good boy?

distorted fuck

↓

[narrator over TV] And Americans, God's chosen people.

americans chosen gods narrator

↓

So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans?

americans church

↓

With American grit and American values?

american grit values

↓

Founded by the greatest American of us all?

american founded greatest

↓

A true American prophet?

american prophet

↓

-[squeaking rhythmically] -[door opens]

door door-opens opens rhythmically squeaking

↓

Hold on.

↓

What're you doing?

whatre

↓

Frenchie won't cook my steak past medium rare,

cook frenchie medium past rare steak

↓

and I like mine burnt, with ketchup.

burnt ketchup

↓

Okay, and why don't you tell him that?

↓

I have.

↓

Maybe we just don't like the same... steak, you know?

steak

↓

Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Has Butcher ever washed this thing? Oh.

butcher washed

↓

Ugh, that thing is, like, glazed in dog semen.

semen

↓

Like a come doughnut.

doughnut

↓

Come-nut? Did I just invent a new word?

invent word

↓

You know what? I am gonna do us all a favor and wash this.

favor wash

↓

Terror, your boyfriend is about to become a virgin all over again.

become boyfriend terror virgin

↓

Oof.

↓

[Kimiko] Good boy.

kimiko

↓

[door closes]

closes door door-closes

↓

[lighthearted music playing]

lighthearted lighthearted-music lighthearted-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[quiet squeaking in distance]

distance quiet squeaking

↓

[wheels squeaking]

squeaking wheels

↓

[Mother's Milk] The fuck is that?

fuck milk mothers mothers-milk

↓

You finally building yourself a fuck-bot?

building finally fuck

↓

Something me and Frenchie are working on. [sighs]

frenchie sighs working

↓

Proper preparation and planning, my son.

planning preparation proper

↓

None of my fucking business, got it.

business fucking

↓

Yeah, that's the one.

↓

-Any leads on Bombsight? -Not a damn thing.

bombsight leads

↓

[Butcher] Well, he's an unbreakable cunt that flies through the air.

butcher cunt flies

↓

How hard can it be?

hard

↓

Well, if it's so easy, why don't you look for him?

easy

↓

I've hit every single dead end and then some.

dead single

↓

How about Legend? That old bastard knows everyone.

bastard knows legend

↓

He's in the wind.

wind

↓

And if I had as much shit on Vought as he did, I'd fuck off, too.

fuck vought

↓

Ah, shit.

↓

Wait, wait, wait.

↓

-Oi. Terror, no! -Hey, hey, hey!

terror

↓

-Get down. No, Terror. Oi. -Good boy. Good boy.

terror

↓

Oi, oi, oi, oi. No.

↓

You can't have no chocolate, mate.

chocolate mate

↓

Yeah, get your own chocolate.

chocolate

↓

[Mother's Milk] Mmm.

milk mothers mothers-milk

↓

What?

↓

-Three Mississippi rule. -Bloody hell.

bloody mississippi rule three

↓

I never thought I'd see the day.

↓

It's got a fucking pubic hair on it and all.

fucking hair

↓

Tasty, too. Hmm?

tasty

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

You know what's funny?

funny

↓

Here we are, parked in the middle of hell,

middle parked

↓

and I've never slept or shit so good in my entire life.

entire entire-life life slept

↓

-What's different? -Well, like you,

↓

I just finally realized that I'm already dead.

dead finally realized

↓

And once I just gave up that stress of needing to stay alive, it's like,

alive needing stress

↓

shit got easier.

easier

↓

You know, I spent my whole life

life spent whole whole-life

↓

going after Soldier Boy for what he did to my family.

family soldier

↓

Yet he's immortal?

immortal

↓

He's immune? [scoffs]

immune scoffs

↓

What kind of fucking cosmic joke is that?

cosmic fucking joke

↓

So, you tell me, Butcher.

butcher

↓

Why should I keep going?

↓

Well, you keep going for Monique, for Janine.

janine monique

↓

They're better off without me.

↓

How can a man so smart be so fucking daft?

daft fucking smart

↓

They are.

↓

And I'm better off without them.

↓

Because if I thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell

chance

↓

that I might see them again...

might

↓

...then I might be too scared to do what you and me both need me to do.

might scared

↓

[footsteps pattering]

footsteps

↓

[object clatters in distance]

clatters distance object

↓

[lighthearted music playing]

lighthearted lighthearted-music lighthearted-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[Terror panting]

panting terror

↓

[Frenchie] Oh.

frenchie

↓

Bonsoir, mon toutou.

bonsoir

↓

You wonder what am I doing? [laughs]

laughs wonder

↓

Oh, well, first, I made Kimiko the perfect French ribeye.

french kimiko perfect

↓

You know, she loves my steak.

loves steak

↓

And for dessert, my soufflé au chocolat.

dessert

↓

It's a thing of legend.

legend

↓

[Frenchie sighs]

frenchie sighs

↓

You know, she wants one of you.

wants

↓

To... I don't know.

↓

What is it that you do?

↓

Eat? Sleep? Oh, fetch.

fetch sleep

↓

[chuckles] I throw the ball, you bring it back.

ball bring chuckles throw

↓

I throw the ball, you bring it back.

ball bring throw

↓

It's a nightmare of futility.

nightmare

↓

What would I do with one of you?

↓

I've killed every plant I've owned.

killed owned plant

↓

I'd surely kill you, too.

kill surely

↓

[grunts softly]

grunts grunts-softly softly

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

She deserves peace.

deserves peace

↓

A normal life.

life normal normal-life

↓

But I...

↓

[melancholy music playing]

melancholy melancholy-music melancholy-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

I don't know how to give her this.

↓

If I even can.

↓

[grunts softly]

grunts grunts-softly softly

↓

-[timer ringing] -Oh! Oh, la, la, la, la.

ringing timer

↓

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Aw...

↓

Fils de pute!

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

[inhales sharply]

inhales inhales-sharply sharply

↓

I need fresh air. You want to come?

fresh

↓

Outside?

↓

No?

↓

Okay.

↓

[Hughie] If you and M.M. still think--

hughie

↓

[Butcher] Oh, for fuck's sakes, Hughie, knock it off

butcher fucks fucks-sakes hughie knock sakes

↓

with this V1 shite. You're doing me fucking head in.

fucking fucking-head head shite

↓

Oi. Terror. Cut it out. Come on.

terror

↓

Now, listen, if we do find that stuff,

stuff

↓

we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it, all right?

fucking vaccines

↓

We're not the department of fucking health.

department fucking health

↓

We burn that shit before Homelander gets his paws on it,

burn homelander paws

↓

-and that's that. -Well, if you want to kill yourself,

kill

↓

knock yourself out, but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?

decide knock rest

↓

Oh, 'cause I'm fucking right!

fucking

↓

'Cause I've always been right!

↓

I've been telling you lot from the fucking start

fucking start telling

↓

the sky is falling, and guess what.

falling

↓

The sky fucking fell.

fell fucking

↓

-Well, you kind of helped bring it down. -Oh, don't give me that bollocks.

bollocks bring helped

↓

Listen, Homelander thinks he's a fucking god.

fucking homelander thinks

↓

Once he becomes immortal, he's gonna start killing like one,

becomes immortal killing start

↓

and we are talking millions of people.

millions

↓

Now, are you telling me you're honestly happy to risk all of that

happy risk telling

↓

for a life on the run with your girl,

girl life

↓

knowing that you could've stopped it?

couldve knowing stopped

↓

You can live with that, can you?

live

↓

What if it was Becca?

becca

↓

You'd just let her die?

↓

[tense music playing]

music music-playing playing tense tense-music tense-music-playing

↓

I did let her die.

↓

Look.

↓

I know that Homelander comes first.

comes homelander

↓

I really do.

↓

All I'm asking is that we try.

asking

↓

Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.

annie deserve kimiko

↓

[garbage can clatters]

clatters garbage

↓

Oi, Terror, no!

terror

↓

Oi, get out of there. Oh, bloody hell. Is that chocolate?

bloody chocolate

↓

Isn't chocolate bad for dogs?

chocolate dogs

↓

For a dog this old, it's fucking lethal. Oi!

fucking lethal

↓

Frenchie, you cunt! Get me some hydrogen peroxide, would you?

cunt frenchie

↓

Okay, we have some in the first aid kit. Give me one second.

second

↓

-What happened? -You poisoned me fucking dog.

fucking happened poisoned

↓

-No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -What's going on?

↓

Look, all you need is charcoal.

charcoal

↓

-[Kimiko] We should call a vet. -[Mother's Milk] They're gonna tell you

kimiko milk mothers mothers-milk

↓

-you need charcoal. -[Hughie] Guys, we got this.

charcoal hughie

↓

-Just give us some room. -I'll hold his mouth open, you pour.

mouth open pour room

↓

Right? On the count of three. One, two, three.

count three

↓

Sorry, buddy.

buddy

↓

There you go.

↓

[Butcher] That's a-- All right, all right.

butcher

↓

[Terror gagging, wheezing]

gagging terror wheezing

↓

-[Butcher] Oof. That's it. -Ew.

butcher

↓

That's it. Good boy. You're all right.

↓

You're gonna be all right, boy.

↓

[sighs] Fucking hell.

fucking sighs

↓

-Hey. You want some turkey? -[Terror panting]

panting terror turkey

↓

[distorted] Well, first, you got to fuck me.

distorted fuck

↓

Then I'll give you the turkey.

turkey

↓

Oi.

↓

There he is, eh.

↓

Oi. Hey, were you having a dream, were you?

dream having

↓

Was it a goody?

goody

↓

[knock on door]

door knock

↓

How's he doing?

↓

[Butcher] Yeah, he's all right.

butcher

↓

Thank you for, uh...

↓

Yeah. It's all good.

↓

[gentle music playing]

gentle gentle-music gentle-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

Oi.

↓

Hughie.

hughie

↓

Listen, uh...

↓

If we do find that V1,

↓

and if it don't fuck us, uh...

fuck

↓

...y-you can have some.

↓

For Annie and, uh... Kimiko.

annie kimiko

↓

What about you?

↓

Oi, but as soon as Frenchie's got that shite sorted,

frenchies shite sorted

↓

we're using it, all right? Ready or not.

ready using

↓

Ooh.

↓

[softly] Yeah.

softly

↓

What you looking at?

looking

↓

Nothing.

↓

And as for you, don't you ever fucking do that to me again, all right?

fucking

↓

Good boy.

↓

Now, I caught Blondie trying to give your wank-plush the boil wash,

blondie boil caught wank wash

↓

but I know how you love the crunchy goods.

crunchy goods love

↓

Yes, I do. I know how you love those crunchy goods. Yeah.

crunchy goods love

↓

[squeaking rhythmically]

rhythmically squeaking

↓

You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely

likely realize religious sudden

↓

to generate widespread civil unrest?

civil generate

↓

Local law can handle the suburbs, but we could use

handle local suburbs

↓

extra hands in major metros.

extra hands major

↓

All right, we'll recall all the Supes stationed overseas.

overseas recall stationed supes

↓

American heroes should be protecting America,

america american heroes protecting

↓

not Who-Gives-A-Fuckistan.

gives

↓

-[Firecracker laughs] -Great idea.

firecracker idea laughs

↓

[intriguing music playing]

intriguing intriguing-music intriguing-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

-Where to? -Crime analytics.

analytics crime crime-analytics

↓

[elevator bell chimes]

bell bell-chimes chimes elevator elevator-bell elevator-bell-chimes

↓

[elevator doors slide closed]

closed doors elevator slide

↓

-That was thrilling, wasn't it? -[elevator beeping steadily]

beeping elevator thrilling

↓

What a bright future we have ahead of us.

ahead bright future

↓

It was a real Guccione piss party.

party piss real

↓

Imagine how much more exciting it'll be when Homelander becomes immortal.

becomes exciting homelander imagine immortal itll

↓

Mm.

↓

Have you found the V1?

found

↓

No.

↓

Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar?

edgar gotten homelander stan stan-edgar

↓

No. But I haven't had a crack at him yet.

crack

↓

[chuckles]

chuckles

↓

-[elevator bell chimes] -[doors slide open]

bell bell-chimes chimes doors elevator elevator-bell elevator-bell-chimes open slide

↓

[intriguing music playing]

intriguing intriguing-music intriguing-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[doors slide closed]

closed doors slide

↓

[door opens]

door door-opens opens

↓

Jesus, give me a little personal space, will you, Garth?

garth jesus personal space

↓

[groans]

groans

↓

Twenty-four-seven agents must be hard for someone so into scat play.

agents four hard must seven twenty twenty-four

↓

You realize I do actually work?

realize

↓

I was this close to convincing the FCC to pull every broadcast license but VNN.

broadcast close convincing license pull

↓

Homelander feels this is more important.

feels homelander

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

What now?

↓

The president and I stand by this decision.

decision president stand

↓

We need our American Supes here in America.

america american supes

↓

[man over phone speaking angrily]

angrily phone speaking

↓

Well, isn't it kind of sort of your fault for being invaded?

fault

↓

You might as well have been wearing a short skirt.

might short skirt wearing

↓

Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on them.

fucking mouth

↓

Remember, you're doing the Lord's work.

remember

↓

Word's out, Vought's stock is tanking.

stock tanking voughts words

↓

The international markets are in freefall, and you're not

international markets

↓

-the least bit concerned? -It's not about what I think.

concerned least

↓

It's what the man wants.

wants

↓

It's always what the man wants.

wants

↓

[dramatic music playing]

dramatic dramatic-music dramatic-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

You want a drink?

drink

↓

So, we're at the Climate Change Summit in Reykjavík,

change climate climate-change summit

↓

when the Swiss chancellor says we should all race our Gulfstreams.

race swiss

↓

The amount of CO2 we splooged out?

amount

↓

The air was chewy the next day, lolz. [laughs]

chewy laughs

↓

Come on. What do you want from me, Sage?

sage

↓

What makes you think I want anything from you?

makes

↓

You haven't called me the poster child for late-term abortion once today.

abortion called child late poster term today

↓

Truth be told, you're not the one I want.

truth

↓

I know you know what Homelander's doing.

homelanders

↓

-[Bashley] He's going after the V1. -Wait, what?!

bashley

↓

And if he gets any--

↓

-He lives forever. -What is V1?

forever lives lives-forever

↓

And what do you mean Homelander lives forever? [gasps]

forever gasps homelander lives lives-forever

↓

I've done what I can to make sure he doesn't find any.

↓

How do you know about this and I don't?

↓

Have you two been talking without me?

↓

Homelander is an open baby book, but Soldier Boy is tricky.

baby book homelander open soldier tricky

↓

I need you to read his mind.

mind read

↓

What he knows, where they're headed next,

headed knows

↓

and most importantly, if Soldier Boy is warming up to his sadistic rugrat.

importantly sadistic soldier warming

↓

Okay. I'm in.

↓

The fuck you are.

fuck

↓

-We're not conspiring against Homelander. -[Bashley] Hey.

bashley conspiring homelander

↓

Don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote tramp stamped on our ass.

forget quote tramp

↓

"The only real prison is fear."

fear prison real

↓

-No, the only real prison is prison. -Ashley--

ashley prison real

↓

What do you think happens to you if I die?

happens

↓

I'm not about to risk my neck

neck risk

↓

because I let an overgrown boil do my thinking for me.

boil thinking

↓

Okay, fine. Just stay.

↓

Why? So you can play more mind games?

games mind mind-games

↓

You gave me your answer. I heard you.

answer heard

↓

Now, don't make me drink alone.

alone drink

↓

[dramatic music playing]

dramatic dramatic-music dramatic-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[Ashley] I'm starving. Are you starving?

ashley starving

↓

I'd kill for a chalupa right now.

kill

↓

[Bashley] I'd kill for a big, juicy dick.

bashley dick juicy kill

↓

Hey, we should call Gavin.

↓

His girth was amazing, and, oh, man, the amount of spunk

amazing amount

↓

he shot back here, we looked like Pepé Le Pew.

looked shot

↓

We are not booty-calling my high school boyfriend.

booty boyfriend calling school school-boyfriend

↓

[Bashley] But he was so sweet. And Mom loved him, remember?

bashley loved remember sweet

↓

Yeah, well, Mom's dead, so she doesn't get a say,

dead moms moms-dead

↓

-and neither do you. -What happened to her?

happened

↓

Cancer.

cancer

↓

My grandmother, too.

grandmother

↓

What was she like? Your mother?

mother

↓

Tiny. [laughs] And terrifying.

laughs terrifying tiny

↓

This one bitch, Harper Hewitt, used to make fun of my nose,

bitch fun harper nose used

↓

so my mom tells Mr. Hewitt that Mrs. Hewitt

tells

↓

has been railing the UPS guy, which she was.

↓

That was Mom, bringing a nuke to a knife fight.

bringing fight knife nuke

↓

So, they moved.

moved

↓

And the rest of kindergarten was no sweat.

kindergarten rest sweat

↓

My folks shot me up with V, thinking I'd be a meal ticket.

folks meal shot thinking ticket

↓

And then, my power turned out to be smarts.

power smarts turned

↓

Which is the worst fucking one.

fucking worst

↓

Try knowing what everyone really thinks of you all day.

knowing thinks

↓

Ooh, trust me.

trust

↓

The thing people hate more than just about anything

hate

↓

is feeling stupid.

feeling stupid

↓

So, when a three-year-old corrects your grammar or, oh, tells them

grammar tells three

↓

their "life dream yogurt shop" is doomed to fail,

doomed dream fail life shop yogurt

↓

they start to hate you, too.

hate start

↓

Least my parents did.

least parents

↓

So they dumped me at my grandma's.

dumped grandmas

↓

But Grandma,

grandma

↓

she was the only one who ever thought it was a gift.

gift

↓

I would quote Othello to her word for word,

othello quote word

↓

and-and... [sighs] she'd clap

clap shed sighs

↓

and laugh her big laugh.

laugh

↓

I'm still so pissed she is gone.

gone pissed

↓

I used to want to be like my mom.

used

↓

Strong. Pushy as fuck.

fuck pushy strong

↓

Didn't take shit from anyone.

↓

You still can.

↓

If you help me.

↓

Fuck you.

fuck

↓

You knew about my mom the whole time.

whole

↓

You drew it out of me just to soften me up.

drew soften

↓

-Did it work? -No. This is my fucking problem with you.

fucking problem

↓

I know you've been working some big plan all year.

plan working

↓

How am I supposed to trust you if I'm just a pawn in your fucked-up chess game?

chess fucked game pawn supposed trust

↓

All right.

↓

If I tell you, will you help me?

↓

I would heavily consider it.

consider heavily

↓

Helping Homelander take control of the country is phase one.

control country helping homelander phase

↓

It was only ever the beginning. Phase two is the end.

beginning phase

↓

-The end of what? -The world.

world

↓

After this Supe-killing virus is released--

killing released supe virus

↓

-Wait, you want it released? -Oh, you bet I do.

released

↓

After Supes realize humans are behind it, all hell will break loose.

behind break humans loose realize supes

↓

Supes butchering humans, virus butchering Supes.

humans supes virus

↓

-Oh, fucking World War Supe. -I don't believe you.

believe fucking fucking-world supe world

↓

Swear on my grandma's soul.

grandmas soul swear

↓

Why would you possibly want that?

possibly

↓

'Cause I'll be watching from my cozy bunker outside Colorado Springs.

bunker colorado cozy springs watching

↓

And when it's all over, I can read all day every day,

read

↓

no one bothering me.

bothering

↓

Nothing but peace and quiet forever.

forever peace quiet

↓

[ominous music playing]

music music-playing ominous ominous-music ominous-music-playing playing

↓

Which is why Homelander can't survive.

homelander survive

↓

God, that needy asshole would never give me a moment's rest.

asshole moments needy rest

↓

Yeah, defeats the whole purpose.

defeats purpose whole

↓

Don't worry. You're invited to my bunker.

bunker invited worry

↓

You, too, Ashley.

ashley

↓

[Bashley] Fuck.

bashley fuck

↓

-Would you like some knee pads? -Sorry? What?

knee knee-pads pads

↓

You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.

looking suck

↓

So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.

asking knee knee-pads pads

↓

[Homelander] Go easy on the little guy.

easy homelander

↓

-He brought me Stan Edgar. -[Deep] Thank you, sir.

brought deep edgar stan stan-edgar

↓

[Homelander] You may leave.

homelander

↓

[triumphant music playing]

music music-playing playing triumphant triumphant-music triumphant-music-playing

↓

What crawled up your shithole?

crawled shithole

↓

No idea what you mean.

idea

↓

When you're pissy,

pissy

↓

you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy, too.

elses everybody lives pissy tend

↓

Stan Edgar still stonewalling you?

edgar stan stan-edgar

↓

I've talked to him three times now.

talked three three-times times

↓

Says he has no idea where the V1 is. Heart rate steady as a rock.

heart heart-rate idea rate rock steady

↓

I'm starting to believe him.

believe starting

↓

That slippery fuck used to fetch my cocaine.

cocaine fetch fuck slippery used

↓

You know what? I have an idea.

idea

↓

Why don't I take a crack at him?

crack

↓

What, you don't trust me?

trust

↓

Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material

lock material nuclear room

↓

and, uh, tried to stop me getting the V1,

tried

↓

so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.

↓

You could've killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't.

couldve couldve-killed fort harmony killed

↓

-Maybe I feel like I owe you. -Or maybe you're lying.

lying

↓

Maybe.

↓

[inhales deeply]

deeply inhales inhales-deeply

↓

Give me an hour.

hour

↓

I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.

cell edgars meet

↓

[dramatic music playing]

dramatic dramatic-music dramatic-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[urinating]

urinating

↓

[Soldier Boy] My, my, how the mighty have fucked themselves square in the ass.

fucked mighty soldier square

↓

Don't shit where you eat, Stan.

stan

↓

So, you've called in reinforcements.

called reinforcements

↓

I wanted to see the prick that sold me out to the Reds.

prick reds sold wanted

↓

It wasn't personal. It was a business decision.

business decision personal

↓

We had your replacement model on the way.

model replacement

↓

Even as a toddler, Homelander showed more promise than you ever did.

homelander promise showed toddler

↓

Not that it amounted to much.

↓

When have you ever done anything

↓

remotely interesting or original?

interesting original remotely

↓

My power is absolute, Stan.

absolute power stan

↓

At heights no one's even dreamed of.

dreamed heights ones

↓

I'd call that pretty fucking original.

fucking original

↓

Nothing that the lowest speck

lowest

↓

of this pointless species couldn't have thought of,

pointless species

↓

were they to be granted your level of power.

granted level power

↓

Why am I still alive?

alive

↓

Oh, because you're useful, Stan.

stan useful

↓

-And I always wanted a pet. -Perhaps.

perhaps wanted

↓

Or is it because you are so desperate for daddy figures

daddy desperate figures

↓

that you can't even bring yourself to kill the ones who hate you.

bring hate kill ones

↓

At least that's something he and I have in common.

common least

↓

Do you want to die, Stan?

stan

↓

[Soldier Boy] Jesus.

jesus soldier

↓

You could get pregnant with all the eye-fucking.

fucking pregnant

↓

Tempe, Arizona.

arizona

↓

Is that supposed to mean something?

supposed

↓

Well, I had the eggheads in crime analytics

analytics crime crime-analytics

↓

track down your granddaughter, Zoe,

track

↓

and her dad.

↓

They're in Tempe, Arizona.

arizona

↓

[tense music playing]

music music-playing playing tense tense-music tense-music-playing

↓

So...

↓

where is the V1?

↓

As I told you, I genuinely don't know.

genuinely

↓

But...

↓

I may know someone who does.

↓

You should go and see Mister Marathon in L.A.

marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

He's always had an intense interest in Vought's history.

history intense interest voughts

↓

It should be a delightful reunion.

delightful reunion

↓

[suspenseful music playing]

music music-playing playing suspenseful suspenseful-music suspenseful-music-playing

↓

-[♪ Rosemary Clooney sings "Hooray for Hollywood"] -♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray rosemary sings

↓

♪ That screwy, ballyhooey Hollywood ♪

hollywood screwy

↓

-[siren wailing in distance] -♪ Go out and try your luck ♪

distance luck siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

♪ You might be Donald Duck ♪

donald duck might

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪♪

hollywood hooray

↓

[Mister Marathon] Homelander, it is really, uh, really good to see you.

homelander marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

Um, why-- [stammers] Uh, you know, what-what brings you by?

brings stammers

↓

-Relax. We're just here to talk. -Yeah, yeah, great, awesome.

awesome relax

↓

And Soldier Boy, wow. Big fan, sir.

soldier

↓

I actually, uh, popped my cherry in your Underoos.

cherry popped

↓

Nice.

↓

So you were part of The Seven?

part seven

↓

Uh, I was, I was. You know, until this one replaced me with A-Train.

replaced train

↓

Check it out. Come on.

check

↓

Well, you're only the world's fastest man

fastest worlds worlds-fastest

↓

as long as you're the world's fastest man, Champ, and you got slow.

champ fastest slow worlds worlds-fastest

↓

It was one race. You never gave me the chance to win it back, boss.

boss chance race

↓

[intriguing music playing]

intriguing intriguing-music intriguing-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

Hey, check this one out.

check

↓

Grossed 35 mil.

grossed

↓

On a $200 million budget.

budget million

↓

-These aren't even Vought films. -What's the difference?

difference films vought

↓

These were made where washed-up Supes go to die.

supes washed

↓

Sony Pictures TV.

pictures

↓

It's a legit studio.

legit studio

↓

And I save half on their TVs.

half save

↓

And maybe we're not part of the official VCU,

official part

↓

and maybe we can't mention Vought or, you know, any licensed Vought hero,

hero licensed mention vought

↓

but, hey, I'm still making magic.

magic

↓

That and I, uh, I sling a little bit on the side.

side sling

↓

Blow, pills, Ozempic, whatever you need.

blow pills

↓

Fastest dealer in town. [chuckles]

chuckles dealer fastest town

↓

All right, come on. The gang will be psyched to meet you.

gang meet psyched

↓

Did you guys hear? They rounded up Aziz, Macaulay,

rounded

↓

-Joaquin, Kiefer, Meryl. -I also heard they got Benedict.

heard

↓

-Wong or Cumberbatch? -Both.

↓

-Fuck! -I know. Dude, what the fuck, Malchemical?

fuck

↓

Get your boys in check, huh?

boys check

↓

Just 'cause I'm a Supe doesn't mean I truck in that fascist shit.

fascist supe truck

↓

-We need to do something. -Counterpoint: why?

↓

[Kumail] 'Cause we're storytellers, dude.

↓

-[Seth] Yeah. -Our superpower

seth

↓

is we inspire hearts and minds.

hearts inspire minds

↓

Look at the characters we create:

characters create

↓

-Luke Skywalker, Katniss, Gandhi. -[Will] Oh, bitch please.

bitch gandhi luke skywalker

↓

Come on, like Mark Hamill, J-Law, and Sir Ben Kingsley

mark

↓

do anything but collect their fucking residuals.

collect fucking

↓

-They're very engaged. -Look, here's what we do.

engaged

↓

We all post about this simultaneously on Instagram.

instagram post simultaneously

↓

-[Kumail] Yes. -[Seth] Black squares on the main feed.

black feed main seth squares

↓

-Black Lives Matter did black squares. -[Seth] Fuck. You're right.

black black-lives black-lives-matter fuck lives lives-matter matter seth squares

↓

We do blue squares on the grid.

blue grid squares

↓

-'Cause blue lives matter. That's totally different. -I wouldn't post that.

blue lives lives-matter matter post

↓

Is there any color that hasn't been taken by some fucking group?

color fucking group taken

↓

-What about white? -Well...

white

↓

Oh, ooh, ooh, I'll get Lena Dunham to write an editorial for The Atlantic.

atlantic write

↓

-Oh, yeah. -[Seth] It's like, that'll really rate. -[Will] She's great.

rate seth thatll

↓

-[Seth] That has great readership. -She's a great writer.

seth writer

↓

-[Seth] She's a very persuasive-- -Universally beloved.

beloved persuasive seth

↓

Whatever, fuck sticks.

fuck sticks

↓

Look, best day of my life was when they executed Hader.

best executed life

↓

Right? More offer-onlys for the Forte.

forte offer

↓

Hey, do we think Michael Cera's a Starlighter?

michael starlighter

↓

'Cause we're up for the same part right now,

part

↓

and it'd be pretty good if he got vanished.

vanished

↓

We've been friends with him for 20 years, Chris.

chris friends years

↓

-Yeah, but I really need this part, man. -Oh, no. Oh, no.

part

↓

-'Sup? -Homelander.

homelander

↓

Soldier Boy. Wow. [stammers]

soldier stammers

↓

I'm Will. Remember me? I'm the one who turned in Channing Tatum.

remember turned

↓

Seth Rogen. We actually met once before, uh, with Black Noir

black black-noir noir seth

↓

at the premiere for Silent Vengeance 3: Vengeance Reloaded.

premiere silent vengeance

↓

Big fan. I'm actually, uh, testifying in front of Congress for you, you know,

congress front

↓

outing suspected Starlighters.

outing starlighters suspected

↓

Spoiler alert: Post Malone.

alert post spoiler-alert

↓

You need to get the fuck away from me right now.

fuck

↓

-You bet, yeah. -Yeah.

↓

[Homelander] We came here looking for something.

homelander looking

↓

What do you know about V1?

↓

[tense music playing]

music music-playing playing tense tense-music tense-music-playing

↓

You've come to the right place.

place

↓

-[keypad beeping] -[lock clicks]

beeping clicks lock lock-clicks

↓

[intriguing music playing]

intriguing intriguing-music intriguing-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

Here you go. [clears throat]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

Oh, yeah, Vought yanked that one from newsstands after Kent State.

state vought

↓

Good times.

times

↓

-How'd you end up with it? -[Mister Marathon] Some old bitch on eBay.

bitch howd marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

I paid 20 bucks. I mean, it'd go for half a mil at auction easy.

auction bucks easy half paid

↓

[clears throat]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

Yeah, Dr. Vought was a, was a titan, a visionary.

vought

↓

He was a pansy with a German accent and sweaty palms.

accent german pansy sweaty

↓

[Mister Marathon] He was a complicated guy.

complicated marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

[somber music playing]

music music-playing playing somber somber-music somber-music-playing

↓

-[clears throat] -Do you or do you not have V1?

clears clears-throat throat

↓

I-I don't.

↓

But Bombsight does.

bombsight

↓

He does.

↓

-That piece of shit's still alive? -Yeah.

alive piece shits

↓

Yeah, he was my best customer for a long time.

best customer

↓

What makes you think he has it?

makes

↓

One night, he was tweaked out of his gourd,

night tweaked

↓

and he told me he had some,

↓

-and I believe him. -Where is he?

believe

↓

Me and Bombsight are still cool.

bombsight cool

↓

Wh-Why don't we all just hang out for a sec, and I-I'll call him.

hang

↓

He'll-he'll fly right over.

↓

[snorts]

snorts

↓

[rap music playing quietly]

music music-playing playing quietly

↓

[Mister Marathon snorts, clears throat, sniffs]

clears clears-throat marathon mister mister-marathon sniffs snorts throat

↓

I scooped this up from Bogotá while you were taking a piss.

piss

↓

-Mm. -I mean, for the Soldier Boy,

soldier

↓

-nothing but the best. -Mm.

best

↓

[clears throat]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

[Christopher] Seth?

christopher seth

↓

Oh. No, I actually hate weed.

hate weed

↓

I just pretend to like it for my brand, so I can sell ashtrays to suckers.

brand pretend sell suckers

↓

Um... [clears throat] Yo, Homelander.

clears clears-throat homelander throat

↓

[clears throat] Uh, you want to hit this?

clears clears-throat throat

↓

It is my life goal to smoke you out, homie.

goal homie life smoke

↓

[groans]

groans

↓

Don't call me that.

↓

[Malchemical] Homelander.

homelander

↓

It's good to see you again.

↓

-Do I know you? -Yeah.

↓

Uh, we met, like, six times. Malchemical.

times

↓

Make deadly gasses.

deadly

↓

Did that whole campaign with Gas-X.

campaign whole

↓

[sighs] That's embarrassing.

embarrassing sighs

↓

[Mister Marathon] Homelander still as weird as he was when I was there?

homelander marathon mister mister-marathon weird

↓

-Well, I wasn't there back then, but yes. -[laughs]

laughs

↓

So, get this. One time, at Les Deux,

↓

Mischa Barton wanted to suck him off, right?

barton suck wanted

↓

He spent two hours talking to her

hours spent

↓

about Nietzsche, then left when she stepped on his cape.

cape left stepped

↓

Ugh. That fucking cape.

cape fucking

↓

-Like a baby with a blanket. -[laughs]

baby blanket laughs

↓

Pretty sure he jerks off into it. Probably why it's so stiff. [chuckles]

chuckles jerks stiff

↓

[Homelander] Say that again.

homelander

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

Oh, can't you take a fucking joke?

fucking joke

↓

Say it again.

↓

Thought as much.

↓

If Bombsight's not coming, I'm leaving.

coming leaving

↓

No, he's on his way, be here any minute. I swear.

minute swear

↓

Nah, I'm done.

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

-Oh, shit. -[Homelander] By the way... Hey!

homelander

↓

I heard you all.

heard

↓

And I want you all to know

↓

that very soon, gentlemen, you are going to pay

gentlemen

↓

for your sick posts and your hateful memes.

hateful memes posts sick

↓

Especially the memes.

especially memes

↓

What, no, no, no, no.

↓

-I-It was Kumail and Seth's idea. -What?!

idea

↓

-Fuck you, Forte! That-- -I-I was against it. I was against it.

forte fuck

↓

It was, it was fucking his idea, man!

fucking idea

↓

He is just sucking your dick so you can help his shitty fucking career.

career dick fucking shitty sucking

↓

[Will] Take them, okay?

↓

Shit, I-I'll take 'em out for you right now.

↓

Oh, really, yeah? You want to take me, bitch?

bitch

↓

-I'm fucking yoked now. -Shut up, Forte. -Really? Okay--

forte fucking

↓

-Forte, you're making this worse-- -I'm not!

forte worse

↓

Everybody, stop!

everybody

↓

We really should round up Michael Cera.

michael round

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

Homelander.

homelander

↓

-S-Sorry. Quick question. -What?

question quick quick-question

↓

Oh, for fuck's sakes.

fucks fucks-sakes sakes

↓

[hissing]

hissing

↓

[gasping]

gasping

↓

-Ooh! -Who's memorable now?

memorable

↓

-What the fuck? -Easy. Easy. Easy.

easy easy-easy fuck

↓

-Can we fuck off, please?! -Chill out, MacGruber. Everything's cool.

chill cool everythings fuck

↓

Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you, honest,

honest problem

↓

but-but-but-but fuck this fucking guy.

fuck fucking

↓

You know, he fucked my life.

fucked life

↓

Look, i-if you help us get rid of him, then we all win, and you,

↓

you can have The Seven.

seven

↓

And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.

bring care

↓

I don't need to kill him to get The Seven.

kill seven

↓

No, yeah, of course not,

course

↓

but what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church?

church creepy

↓

I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool,

cool everybody rounding

↓

all the hookers, the drug dealers.

dealers drug drug-dealers hookers

↓

They want to ban porn.

porn

↓

-I mean, they want to ban fucking abortions. -[Mister Marathon] Yeah.

abortions fucking marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.

abortion banning personally problem

↓

[Mister Marathon] Exactly, for all of us.

marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

S-So, if we kill him, w-we can stop worrying about being

kill worrying

↓

cops or-or-or gods or-or asexual weirdos.

asexual cops gods weirdos

↓

You know, we can go back to fucking and-and being fucking awesome.

awesome fucking

↓

Look, we know you've got that fucked-up chest blast thing.

blast chest fucked

↓

I mean, I was at Herogasm. I saw it.

herogasm

↓

[Mister Marathon] Just finish him now.

finish marathon mister mister-marathon

↓

Take away his powers, so we can curb stomp him

curb powers stomp

↓

while we have the chance.

chance

↓

[tense music playing]

music music-playing playing tense tense-music tense-music-playing

↓

He is a fucking asexual weirdo.

asexual fucking weirdo

↓

-Yeah. -Yeah.

↓

But as much as it pains me to say this,

pains

↓

he's my fucking asexual weirdo.

asexual fucking weirdo

↓

-Nobody fucks my son but me. -What?

fucks nobody

↓

That came out wrong.

↓

[grunts]

grunts

↓

-[screams] -Oh!

screams

↓

[intense music playing]

intense intense-music intense-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

-[neck cracks] -[others scream]

cracks neck neck-cracks others scream

↓

-Whoa! -Oh, fuck!

fuck whoa

↓

[screams]

screams

↓

[others screaming]

others screaming

↓

Oh! What the fuck?!

fuck

↓

-[toilet flushes] -Danny Trejo need to stick to acting.

acting danny flushes stick toilet toilet-flushes

↓

Them tacos fucked my shit up.

fucked tacos

↓

Soldier Boy.

soldier

↓

[dispatcher over phone] 911. What's your emergency?

dispatcher emergency phone

↓

[hushed] Yeah, please send police right now. We're gonna die.

police send

↓

-Okay. What is the address? -I don't know the address.

address

↓

-Do you know the address? -I don't know the address.

address

↓

-Oh, fuck. Fuck. Don't kill-- Please don't kill us. -Shut up. Shut up.

fuck fuck-fuck kill

↓

I'm not gonna kill you.

kill

↓

I'm gonna get you out of here, but you need to do exactly as I say.

↓

[suspenseful music playing]

music music-playing playing suspenseful suspenseful-music suspenseful-music-playing

↓

Go. Go.

↓

[both scream]

scream

↓

Fuck!

fuck

↓

No! No!

↓

What'd you do to me, man?

whatd

↓

-Seth. -[somber music playing]

music music-playing playing seth somber somber-music somber-music-playing

↓

Fuck. Hey, hey.

fuck

↓

-Hey, hey, hey. -Is-is it bad?

↓

Well, uh...

↓

I-I didn't mean to.

↓

I don't want to die, man.

↓

It's gonna be okay.

↓

I'll remember you

remember

↓

-every time I watch An American Pickle. -What?

american pickle watch

↓

[neck cracks]

cracks neck neck-cracks

↓

[panting]

panting

↓

[intriguing music playing]

intriguing intriguing-music intriguing-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

[tense music playing]

music music-playing playing tense tense-music tense-music-playing

↓

[screams]

screams

↓

Fuck!

fuck

↓

Does Bombsight really have it?

bombsight

↓

Fuck you! I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff 'em down your throat.

balls fuck stuff throat

↓

That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.

garden hose shove thatd

↓

[groans]

groans

↓

Does Bombsight have the V1?!

bombsight

↓

[screams] Oh, God!

screams

↓

Yes, yes! Okay, yes! That part was true.

part

↓

I swear to fucking God, man.

fucking swear

↓

-He's got it. -Where is he?

↓

-I don't know. -Where the fuck is he?!

fuck

↓

I don't know. I haven't talked to him in, like, five years, I swear, man.

five five-years swear talked years

↓

I swear to God. Please.

swear

↓

[pained grunting]

grunting pained

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

What happened?

happened

↓

I took care of it.

care

↓

Why?

↓

Because fuck them.

fuck

↓

That's why.

↓

I don't think this micro-prick was lying.

lying micro prick

↓

Bombsight has the V1. We just got to find him.

bombsight

↓

Also, um...

↓

[smacks lips]

lips smacks smacks-lips

↓

I've been fucking Firecracker.

firecracker fucking

↓

But out of respect for you, that's, uh... that's done.

respect

↓

Plus, her pillow talk was getting to be a real drag.

drag pillow plus real

↓

Pillow talk?

pillow

↓

[elevator bell chimes]

bell bell-chimes chimes elevator elevator-bell elevator-bell-chimes

↓

[elevator doors slide closed]

closed doors elevator slide

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

Homelander.

homelander

↓

How was L.A.?

↓

Did you catch tonight's Truthbomb?

catch tonights

↓

I did indeed.

indeed

↓

And it was a real barnburner.

real

↓

-Well done. -Thank you, sir.

↓

That means the world.

world

↓

How's sex with my father?

father

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

Is he good at it?

↓

Are you thinking about me

thinking

↓

when you're making love to him?

love

↓

I never meant to cross a line

cross line meant

↓

-or offend you in-- -Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

offend

↓

Don't fret, little one.

fret

↓

I don't care about the sex, really.

care

↓

But I do care about your little chats after sex.

care

↓

Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I--

assure soldier

↓

You mean, uh, your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh...

comes inner

↓

[sighs] Jesus?

jesus sighs

↓

Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?

jesus thinking

↓

No, you are my one and only savior.

savior

↓

You s-say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird.

heart hummingbird whirring

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

You're supposed to worship me.

supposed worship

↓

Love me.

love

↓

And me alone.

alone

↓

-I do. -I believed in you.

believed

↓

Turns out...

turns

↓

...you don't believe in me.

believe

↓

I need you to collect your things...

collect

↓

...and leave.

↓

But I do believe in you.

believe

↓

I love you.

love

↓

I am the only one here who ever has!

↓

I gave you everything.

↓

I gave you my soul.

soul

↓

Everybody else here, they're just...

everybody

↓

they're just scared of you.

scared

↓

Or they want something from you, but I have always loved you for you.

loved

↓

Just the strongest, smartest,

smartest strongest

↓

best man on Earth.

best earth

↓

[scoffs] Man?

scoffs

↓

No, no, no, no, no. A god. No.

↓

No, the God.

↓

My Lord, that look you used to get when you'd suckle me?

lord used

↓

I felt like Mother Mary herself.

mary mother

↓

I felt blessed to nourish someone as...

blessed

↓

-important as you. -[sighs]

sighs

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?

↓

You cast me out into the cold.

cast cold

↓

Which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place.

feeling place warmth worse

↓

So all I have been trying to do

↓

is to get you to see me the way that you used to.

used

↓

Hell, only reason I was with Soldier Boy was because your reflected light...

light reason soldier

↓

...is better than no light at all.

light

↓

Please, sir.

↓

I love you.

love

↓

We all need love, don't we?

love

↓

Even God.

↓

[sighs softly]

sighs softly

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

[exhales]

exhales

↓

[unsettling music playing]

music music-playing playing unsettling unsettling-music unsettling-music-playing

↓

[door opens, closes]

closes door door-opens door-opens-closes opens opens-closes

↓

-[♪ Rosemary Clooney sings "Hooray for Hollywood"] -♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray rosemary sings

↓

♪ That screwy, ballyhooey Hollywood ♪

hollywood screwy

↓

♪ Where any office boy or young mechanic ♪

mechanic office young

↓

♪ can be a panic with just a good-looking pan ♪

looking panic

↓

♪ And any barmaid can be a star, mate ♪

mate star

↓

♪ if she dances with or without a fan ♪

dances

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray

↓

♪ Where you're terrific, if you're even good ♪

terrific

↓

♪ Where anyone at all from Shirley Temple ♪

shirley temple

↓

♪ to Aimee Semple ♪

↓

♪ is equally understood ♪

equally understood

↓

♪ Go out and try your luck, you might be Donald Duck ♪

donald duck luck might

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray

↓

♪ That phony, super-Coney Hollywood ♪

coney hollywood phony super

↓

♪ They come from Chillicothes and Paducahs ♪

↓

♪ with their bazookas ♪

↓

♪ to get their names up in lights ♪

lights names

↓

♪ All armed with photos from local rotos ♪

armed local photos

↓

♪ with their hair in ribbon and legs in tights ♪

hair legs ribbon tights

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray

↓

♪ You may be homely in your neighborhood ♪

neighborhood

↓

♪ But if you think that you can be an actor ♪

actor

↓

♪ see Mr. Factor ♪

factor

↓

♪ He'll make a monkey look good ♪

monkey

↓

♪ Within a half an hour ♪

half hour

↓

♪ you'll look like Tyrone Power ♪

power tyrone

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

hollywood hooray

↓

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪♪

hollywood hooray