Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E06 — Risk E Rat's Pizza and Amusement Center

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 6 — Risk E Rat's Pizza and Amusement Center

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

#1

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[gang singing along] ♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

#2

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♪ Do whatever you want ♪

#3

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♪ At Risk E. Rat's Pizza ♪

#4

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♪ Do whatever you want ♪

#5

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♪ Entertain, go crazy, have fun, go nuts ♪

#6

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♪ At Risk E. Rat's Pizza ♪

#7

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♪ Do whatever you want ♪

#8

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♪ Do whatever you want. ♪

#9

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[grunts] That hits.

#10

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-I am so psyched that we're going back. -[grunts]

#11

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-Yeah, yes. -Yeah, yeah.

#12

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You guys, I mean, arcade games, pizza, comedy.

#13

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-What more do you want in a place? -You can't beat it.

#14

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The best part about Risk E. Rat's, though,

#15

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is that they make kids feel like they're the ones in charge.

#16

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-Yeah... -Totally.

#17

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Like, that's where I became a man

#18

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and saw my first set of boobies, at Risk E.'s. [laughs]

#19

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-Really? -Uh-huh. -Wait, what?

#20

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Wait a minute. Hold on. I don't know about this.

#21

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Oh, yeah, dude, Justine the Teen Dream.

#22

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She was one of the robots in the Animatronic No Rules Band.

#23

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-You guys remember that? -Yeah, of course.

#24

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Right, so if you got off the Train to Kid City

#25

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and you snuck backstage, you could see under her shirt

#26

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-just before she came out to perform. -Ooh...

#27

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-[laughs] -Uh, yeah, I remember hearing about that,

#28

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but I thought that was just a legend.

#29

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-That's real, dude. -No, that was real, dude.

#30

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-You saw them? -I saw 'em, I saw 'em.

#31

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-Yeah. Yeah. -That was the fir-first set of boobs I ever saw

#32

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-since my mom's, so... -Yeah. [groans]

#33

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Do they still have that room where they paddle you

#34

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-if you're out of line? -Oh, no, uh, in our day

#35

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they called it the Time-Out Room.

#36

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And you would just go and sit there

#37

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and fester in your candy-fueled rage for about 20 minutes.

#38

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-[chuckling] -Then you learned your lesson,

#39

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and they'd send you back out to unleash it on the kids.

#40

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Yeah, listen, at the end of the day

#41

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it's all part of the fun.

#42

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I know, but speaking of fun, let's keep the song...

#43

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-Yeah, yeah, turn the song back on. -Yeah, crank that shit.

#44

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-Yeah, yeah, play it again. -♪ Cool ♪

#45

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-Here comes the... -♪ Oh, yeah ♪

#46

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♪ Do it, do it, do it, do whatever you want ♪

#47

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♪ At Risk E. Rat's Pizza, do whatever you want. ♪

#48

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♪ ♪

#49

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They really spruced this place up, huh?

#50

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-Looks good. -Yeah, yeah.

#51

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But it still sounds the same, though, right?

#52

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But, boy, that noise sure would send the parents running,

#53

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-wouldn't it? -[Dee] Yeah.

#54

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-[laughs] -Oh, remember when the moms would go

#55

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-in the padded bar? -Oh, yeah, they soundproofed it.

#56

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Yeah, they soundproofed it so you couldn't hear it.

#57

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-[laughs] -Yeah. -Oh, they would get hammered.

#58

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[Charlie] What you got there, bozo?

#59

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Just need you to sign these waivers.

#60

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Eh, no waivers, no.

#61

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I'm not really supposed to let you in

#62

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unless you sign this.

#63

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Oh, yeah, well, listen.

#64

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Well, I agree it's total bullshit

#65

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that we would have to sign a waiver

#66

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and also that we could bum-rush you

#67

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and there's nothing you could do about it.

#68

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But you know what? Listen, today

#69

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we're just gonna have fun, we're not gonna do any of that.

#70

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We'll sign your goddamn waivers,

#71

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but I want you to know that, for the record,

#72

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we're doing this under protest.

#73

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Sure, I don't care.

#74

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-Okay. Cool, man. -Hey, here's a little something for you.

#75

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[quietly] That's not my name.

#76

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Yeah, I just went... [gibbers, laughs]

#77

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There's a bottom section, too... okay.

#78

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-All right, man. -None of 'em are really...

#79

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Okay.

#80

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Mmm.

#81

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What the hell are you doing?

#82

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Drinking water.

#83

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What does it look like I'm do...?

#84

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Get the hell out of here!

#85

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Frank, what...?

#86

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-I guess he's thirsty. -Yeah.

#87

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All right, well, we have a few hours before the show begins.

#88

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I was thinking I would go redeem my old tickets

#89

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and then maybe play some Skee-Ball.

#90

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-Yeah, good call, man. Nice. Have fun, have fun. -Yeah?

#91

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-Get it, go ahead. Yo. -Hey, uh, Charlie, um,

#92

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I can't get past

#93

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-this whole Justine the Teen Dream thing. -Sure.

#94

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And this feeling that I just missed out on my childhood.

#95

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-Yeah, mm-hmm. -And I'm just wondering if

#96

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-maybe you want to... -Yes, I do.

#97

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-Yeah? -Yeah, let's go.

#98

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Uh... Well, they're gonna go check out

#99

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some animatronic titties, so...

#100

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Hey, you want to do the joke hunt?

#101

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-Yeah! Did you have that when you were a kid? -Yeah.

#102

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Where you search around for the little pieces of cheese

#103

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and they have jokes attached?

#104

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Yeah, and if you got 'em all...

#105

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-Yeah. -...you'd get to meet Risk E. himself.

#106

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And he'd do his whole routine for you.

#107

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Where he would smack his kids in the head

#108

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because they were pieces of shit

#109

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and then he would bust his brother

#110

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because he was a lazy drunk.

#111

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That was so funny.

#112

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-[both laugh] -Oh, yeah. I mean, that, that's funny.

#113

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They changed it a bit by-by the '80s.

#114

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-Oh. -Yeah, I think they...

#115

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It was a little bit more highbrow and, like,

#116

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um, uh, topical,

#117

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like, like, uh, like diverse ethnic stuff.

#118

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Oh, ethnic, yeah. Racist.

#119

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Mm, no, no. Not, not racist.

#120

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Thinks like, um, you know, like making fun of people

#121

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for not belonging here.

#122

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Right? Or like, like it's funny when people sound funny

#123

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because they're, they don't, they're not from...

#124

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they're not from here.

#125

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Yeah, because of their race.

#126

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Hmm, I don't think that was it because it was like,

#127

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it's like a fish out of water...

#128

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-kind of... -Uh, okay.

#129

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Satire? I don't know.

#130

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I can't wait to see who the victims are

#131

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these days.

#132

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-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Totally. -Yeah. Let's go.

#133

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-Let's-let's go find some cheese. -Let's... okay.

#134

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Let's go. Let's go this way.

#135

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-Yeah. -Come on.

#136

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♪ ♪

#137

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No more Game Boys, but they do have a PlayStation.

#138

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That's an upgrade.

#139

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-Can I help you, sir? -Ah, yes, you can.

#140

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I brought my tickets and I'd like to make a purchase.

#141

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Where are your guns?

#142

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Uh, excuse me?

#143

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Uh, the gun section.

#144

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I'm very specifically looking for Risk E.'s rifle.

#145

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It had a real heavy feel to it,

#146

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it was very realistic, had a good smoky bang.

#147

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I used to put pebbles in there

#148

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and I could fire them, like, right at Charlie's eye.

#149

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It was awesome.

#150

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Oh, uh, I don't think we have anything like that.

#151

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We have an orange space laser.

#152

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What t he hell am I supposed to do with an orange space laser?

#153

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Have you ever seen anybody use a space laser in real life?

#154

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How do I simulate

#155

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real-world violence with something like that?

#156

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Why would you want to simulate real-world violence?

#157

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To get it out of my system, bozo.

#158

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All right, fine. Forget it.

#159

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Just get me one of those, um...

#160

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switchblades that are combs.

#161

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I don't know what that is.

#162

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The switchblades that become combs

#163

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that you can threaten your friends with,

#164

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but then you don't know whether it's a blade or a comb.

#165

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You know what I'm talking about?

#166

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Okay, how about some of that, um...

#167

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can you get me some of that gum

#168

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that I can put in my mouth and pretend like I got,

#169

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like, a big old fat lip and spit all over the place?

#170

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You know what I'm talking about? The...

#171

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I don't think we have those--

#172

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What about the candy cigarettes? Give me candy cigarettes!

#173

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Those were discontinued because cigarettes are illegal.

#174

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Okay, for Christ's sakes,

#175

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can you get me like...

#176

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the extra large Atomic FireBalls?

#177

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I believe they were considered a choking hazard.

#178

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Oh, my God, a-a box of Nerds, nerd.

#179

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Now, Nerds.

#180

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Oh, you got those.

#181

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What the...?

#182

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What is, what is this? Where's the mouse hall?

#183

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[Dennis] Hold on a second.

#184

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What, what? So you're telling me they shut down the-the-the

#185

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Ride to Kid City for a superstore?

#186

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I mean, there's clearly no mouse hall.

#187

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There's no way to access this thing.

#188

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-Dude, what are they doing, man? -I don't know...

#189

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Also, okay, what's up with the helmet, right?

#190

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-[stammers] -Risk E. does not wear a helmet, remember?

#191

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If he would fall and hit his head, he would say...

#192

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"That's what the bone's for."

#193

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"That's what the bone was for," right?

#194

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And he'd come up, he'd crack you on the back of the head.

#195

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He'd smack you in the back of the head.

#196

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-"That's what the bone is for!" -"Bone is for!"

#197

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-[goofy laugh] -I mean, that was, like...

#198

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-part of the fun of it. -It's unbelievable, man.

#199

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-Things change, I-I get that. -Okay, fine.

#200

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-Things change, right? -Yeah.

#201

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I mean, look, I don't want to be that old guy

#202

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who's, like, complaining about the way things used to be,

#203

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but, you know, I, uh...

#204

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-Want to see boobs. -I just do.

#205

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You didn't get to see 'em,

#206

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and it was a big part of the experience.

#207

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They knew that you needed that.

#208

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Risk E. knew that you needed that.

#209

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They knew you were curious. It wasn't a big deal.

#210

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-Yeah. -The boys, they need something to as... you know.

#211

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Yeah, yeah. It's great for the boys.

#212

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And it's also good for the girls because then they know

#213

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what they're supposed to look like.

#214

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It's aspirational. I mean, this,

#215

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I don't think this is the work of Risk E.

#216

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You know what I mean? Like...

#217

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I feel like Risk E.'s walled off in there,

#218

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and-and I think

#219

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Risk E. would want us to take a risk right now.

#220

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He would want us to do it.

#221

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Do it, whatever we want. Watch my back.

#222

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-No one looking? -Uh-huh.

#223

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-[thuds] -Oh.

#224

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-Okay. -All right.

#225

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[clattering]

#226

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Good, I think you... made some headway, though.

#227

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These balls have no weight to 'em.

#228

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Back in my day, you could crush a man's skull with one of these.

#229

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[machine chimes]

#230

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Oh, hey, you're pretty good.

#231

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Thanks.

#232

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I'm going for 10,000 tickets.

#233

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Oh, yeah? Dude, I got like 7,000.

#234

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What? How do you have so many?

#235

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I was really good back in the day.

#236

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Better than you.

#237

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Oh, well, I only have 1,500.

#238

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Oh, you know what we should do? We should pool our tickets,

#239

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and that way we can get, like, the biggest prize they have.

#240

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Uh, I don't think you're allowed to do that.

#241

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Yeah, you can. This is America.

#242

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You can do whatever the fuck you want.

#243

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You just cursed.

#244

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So what? We're in an arcade.

#245

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And there's no adults around.

#246

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Hey, do you know how much candy

#247

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we can get with this many tickets?

#248

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I'm not allowed to eat candy. I have to ask my parents.

#249

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You don't have to ask your parents anything.

#250

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You can eat as much candy as you want.

#251

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You're at Risk E. Rat's. That's the whole point.

#252

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You can do whatever you want.

#253

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-I want my mom. -You're not getting your mom!

#254

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Whoa! Everything okay over here?

#255

⇓

Looks like someone might need to take a breather.

#256

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We don't need a breather.

#257

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All right? I'm just... [groans]

#258

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I'm navigating something with the kid.

#259

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'Cause you're a jerk.

#260

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You're a jerk, and now we're in trouble,

#261

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and now we have to go to the Time-Out Room.

#262

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♪ ♪

#263

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I tell you what, I don't care for these new scanners.

#264

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You know, it was just so much cooler when they were like...

#265

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-Yeah. -...little plastic pieces of cheese with the joke on 'em.

#266

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You'd read the joke and toss it in the trash.

#267

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You know what they, they used to do?

#268

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They used to put 'em on the waitresses

#269

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without them knowing it.

#270

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-Really? -Yeah, that was the fun thing,

#271

⇓

because then you could cop a feel

#272

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and they couldn't say anything

#273

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because if they did, they'd lose their jobs.

#274

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-[chuckles] Yeah. -That's terrible.

#275

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No, it was the '50s. It was fine.

#276

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-Right. -Yo, folks. Got your mozzarella sticks.

#277

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Oh, yeah. Thank you so much.

#278

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Please be careful, they're hot.

#279

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-[Frank] Hmm. -Are they hot, dork?

#280

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Are you trying to tell me that

#281

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these sticks of molten cheese that just came out of

#282

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the deep fryer, they're hot?

#283

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Well, yeah, I don't want you to get burned.

#284

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Thank you so much for helping me out.

#285

⇓

What'd I've done if you weren't here?

#286

⇓

Bye. Beat it. Bye, Jesse.

#287

⇓

Sorry.

#288

⇓

-I mean... -[Frank] I'm talking about it.

#289

⇓

-Yeah. -There's one.

#290

⇓

-Ooh! -I found it. Look, over there.

#291

⇓

-Where? -Right over there.

#292

⇓

-Oh, my God. Ooh. [laughs] -Un-Un-Under the table.

#293

⇓

He wasn't joking.

#294

⇓

-[scanner beeps] -[chuckles] Hey, guys.

#295

⇓

-You having a good time? -Hey there, Dingbat Duck.

#296

⇓

-Yes, we are. -Uh, actually, it's Dapper Duck now.

#297

⇓

How do you like the delectable duds?

#298

⇓

It's not Dapper Duck. You're-you're Dingbat Duck.

#299

⇓

Oh, hey, and where's your stutter? That was your...

#300

⇓

-the funny thing you did. -Yeah, yeah, where-where's the...?

#301

⇓

Oh, I don't stutter. I have delightful diction.

#302

⇓

No, you don't. No, you d...

#303

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you d-d-d-d-d-do-do st-st-st-st-stutter.

#304

⇓

And that's the only thing that's funny about you.

#305

⇓

-[laughing] That was good. -He's laughing.

#306

⇓

-[Frank] Yeah. -[Dee] See?

#307

⇓

You were, you were the retard.

#308

⇓

Whoa, whoa. [chuckles]

#309

⇓

-What? -Don't say... come on, don't say that.

#310

⇓

Well, he's a duck.

#311

⇓

I wouldn't say that about a human.

#312

⇓

But you're telling me I can't say a duck is retarded?

#313

⇓

-Yes. -No? What do you mean?

#314

⇓

Suppose he walked up here, and his feet were on backwards

#315

⇓

and his beak was on the inside of his head,

#316

⇓

what, then I could call him retarded?

#317

⇓

[Dee] Well, no. Then you're dealing with

#318

⇓

a mutant duck, and that's not funny.

#319

⇓

But his whole shtick was that he would drool and slobber

#320

⇓

-and-and, you know, he was like... -Yeah. Yeah.

#321

⇓

He could b-b-b-b-b-b-barely get the w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-words out.

#322

⇓

-His mouth was retarded. -Stop saying "retarded."

#323

⇓

[Charlie] How dare you?

#324

⇓

'Cause I didn't see anything backstage and... Oh, shit.

#325

⇓

Okay. Look, look, look at, look at this.

#326

⇓

Oh, man, this is, this is sad.

#327

⇓

And they stuck 'em all in storage, dude.

#328

⇓

The whole band is here, dude.

#329

⇓

You got Spaz the drummer, Chef Greaseball Linguini.

#330

⇓

-Oh. -Dr. Slice

#331

⇓

the Funky Funkosapien or whatever he was.

#332

⇓

Was he supposed to be Black?

#333

⇓

-Yeah. I, yeah, I-I think so. -Yeah.

#334

⇓

And you know what? Now that I think of it,

#335

⇓

it's good that they're updating that.

#336

⇓

I mean, you can't have a purple character

#337

⇓

-that does a Black voice. -Why not?

#338

⇓

Well, because... [sighs]

#339

⇓

If you're gonna put a Black person in the band,

#340

⇓

it's got to be representative of...

#341

⇓

It was a white guy doing the voice.

#342

⇓

-That was the problem. -Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

#343

⇓

-Yeah, yeah. -It was a white guy doing a Black voice...

#344

⇓

-No, no, no, that's-- -...in a purple costume.

#345

⇓

That's not a good look, you know what I mean?

#346

⇓

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. For sure, for sure.

#347

⇓

Yeah, so...

#348

⇓

But they are purple.

#349

⇓

Who? What?

#350

⇓

Monsters. You know, like...

#351

⇓

-Monsters are purple? -Yeah.

#352

⇓

Blue, green, purple, orange, and we can't just, like,

#353

⇓

not have purple monsters in bands anymore.

#354

⇓

-All right, you know what? I... -Oh, but they should have

#355

⇓

-white voices. -Well, they should have monster voices.

#356

⇓

They should have monster voices

#357

⇓

because we need monster representation.

#358

⇓

So we can't just put them in boxes.

#359

⇓

This is all very complicated stuff, man.

#360

⇓

-It is complicated, man. -It's tough to navigate it, man.

#361

⇓

I don't know what the answer is, so I'm gonna move past it.

#362

⇓

-I tell you what, I... -All right, as long as they can still have

#363

⇓

-groovy monsters, you know? -Yeah.

#364

⇓

Look at all this stuff. Eh, tell you what,

#365

⇓

some of this stuff brings back a lot of memories.

#366

⇓

Yeah, yeah.

#367

⇓

Oh, no.

#368

⇓

-Aw... -Sweet Justine.

#369

⇓

What have they done to you?

#370

⇓

Oh, man.

#371

⇓

Bam! Look at those.

#372

⇓

-Hey, you found her torso. -[laughs]

#373

⇓

Yeah.

#374

⇓

[both whooping]

#375

⇓

-[laughs] Hey-hey. -That looks crazy, man.

#376

⇓

[Dennis] That is something else, isn't it? Mmm.

#377

⇓

[Charlie] Yeah, yeah.

#378

⇓

Now, are you telling me that

#379

⇓

there is a lifelike set of animatronic breasts under there?

#380

⇓

-I am, sir. -Really?

#381

⇓

-Yeah. Very accurate design. -Huh.

#382

⇓

-Uh, nipples. -Interesting.

#383

⇓

-All the curves. -Fascinating.

#384

⇓

-Yeah, wow, good. -Yeah.

#385

⇓

Yeah, okay. So I will take, uh...

#386

⇓

-Yeah. -...the shirt off.

#387

⇓

-Let's, uh, let's pop it off. -And, uh, I... hmm...

#388

⇓

Hmm, I'm sorry, is it wrong to do this?

#389

⇓

If I'm being honest, it feels wrong to me as well.

#390

⇓

-[chuckles] Right, but why? Why would--? -I don't know.

#391

⇓

-Is it 'cause she's underage? -No.

#392

⇓

I mean, she's a robot, man, like...

#393

⇓

-Right. Robot. -They're ageless.

#394

⇓

Now, wait a second.

#395

⇓

We could just be two mature men with an interest in robotics.

#396

⇓

This could be science is what you're saying.

#397

⇓

I think this is a scientific experiment,

#398

⇓

and that's one way to look at it, and--

#399

⇓

This is for the good of... future robots, right?

#400

⇓

So, for the good of... science...

#401

⇓

-Yeah. -...I'm just gonna

#402

⇓

-go ahead and... -Yeah.

#403

⇓

[Dennis] I'm gonna slide this down here.

#404

⇓

[Charlie] Just for scientific purposes we can... aah!

#405

⇓

[yells] Oh, God!

#406

⇓

-[Charlie screams] -That is...

#407

⇓

-What?! -How did they...?

#408

⇓

These are not the boobs I saw, dude, these are not them.

#409

⇓

This is so disturbing.

#410

⇓

They-they took her tits off. They literally sanded 'em off!

#411

⇓

-They mutilated this poor woman. -That is disgusting.

#412

⇓

Goddamn libs.

#413

⇓

-Unbelievable. -Oh, my God.

#414

⇓

And this could be the religious conservatives, too.

#415

⇓

You know, y-you don't know.

#416

⇓

-That's true. -Which kind of--

#417

⇓

Lopping tits off feels like a, feels like a religious move.

#418

⇓

-Yeah, that's some kind of like-- -I don't know anymore.

#419

⇓

-Everybody's crazy these days. -[groans]

#420

⇓

This is nuts, man. I'll tell you what, though.

#421

⇓

This is a sad day for women's rights.

#422

⇓

[sighs deeply]

#423

⇓

[Charlie sighs]

#424

⇓

[mascot sighs]

#425

⇓

Now, Mac, tell us how you're feeling right now.

#426

⇓

Well, I... feel angry.

#427

⇓

Is there anything else?

#428

⇓

Yeah, I feel... misunderstood.

#429

⇓

Unheard.

#430

⇓

Thank you.

#431

⇓

Sam, how are you feeling?

#432

⇓

I feel stupid.

#433

⇓

You are stupid. It's 'cause you're stupid.

#434

⇓

-Shut up. -Now, Mac... -You shut up.

#435

⇓

-Mac. -He's getting sassy.

#436

⇓

-I was not being sassy. -You were being sassy.

#437

⇓

You... Okay, hey, guys.

#438

⇓

Honestly, you were both being a little sassy.

#439

⇓

But right now I just want to hear about Sam's emotions, okay?

#440

⇓

Fine.

#441

⇓

Thank you.

#442

⇓

There's that sass that I was talking about.

#443

⇓

I feel like we're getting stuck on the sass of it.

#444

⇓

It's hard not to get stuck in the sass.

#445

⇓

-I understand. -I'm mired in the sass

#446

⇓

because the kid is so sassy.

#447

⇓

Let's just let him talk, and I feel

#448

⇓

like it'll all sort itself out.

#449

⇓

Fine.

#450

⇓

As I was saying, I feel stupid talking about my feelings.

#451

⇓

Like, I don't want to be in the Feelings Center.

#452

⇓

That's not the point of Risk E. Rat's.

#453

⇓

-[dog] Hmm. -We are on the same page there

#454

⇓

'cause, like, this isn't the point.

#455

⇓

I don't want to be in the Feelings Center either,

#456

⇓

and, like, he's dead right about Risk E. Rat's.

#457

⇓

That's the whole point of it.

#458

⇓

And...

#459

⇓

I feel I just want to go out there and have fun.

#460

⇓

That's what I want to do, too.

#461

⇓

I just want to play and have fun, and--

#462

⇓

-See? -Good, good.

#463

⇓

Hey, here's the question about that, you guys.

#464

⇓

Do we feel like we've earned that?

#465

⇓

Yes.

#466

⇓

Okay, well, so do I.

#467

⇓

-Let's get out there and have some fun, shall we? -Wait, wait, wait, wait.

#468

⇓

We've only been here for like five minutes.

#469

⇓

That's not a punishment. I-I don't feel punished.

#470

⇓

Where-Where's the shame I'm supposed to be feeling?

#471

⇓

There's no shame in making a mistake, Mac.

#472

⇓

Yes, there is.

#473

⇓

How else would I know not to do it anymore?

#474

⇓

Hey, listen, man. I'm a licensed psychotherapist.

#475

⇓

You're a talking dog. I'm out of here.

#476

⇓

-[dog] Great. -I'm scared. -I'm sure you are, Sam.

#477

⇓

I'm sure you are.

#478

⇓

'Cause you're a pussy.

#479

⇓

Now, look, look, man, that's...

#480

⇓

-that's not your fault. -Jesus Christ, man.

#481

⇓

It's not your fault. This dog, your parents,

#482

⇓

the whole, the whole culture is grooming you to be a pussy.

#483

⇓

You got no freedom,

#484

⇓

which means you got no balls.

#485

⇓

And then, even when you actually do get caught

#486

⇓

doing something bad, you're not held accountable.

#487

⇓

And if you're not held accountable, you feel no guilt.

#488

⇓

If you feel no guilt, you feel no shame.

#489

⇓

If you got no shame...

#490

⇓

you're never gonna hate yourself enough

#491

⇓

to stop being bad and grow some balls.

#492

⇓

You diddle this kid, you're definitely on camera.

#493

⇓

I don't know if you want to be alone with him.

#494

⇓

♪ ♪

#495

⇓

All right, this is the last piece.

#496

⇓

-[scanner beeps] -All right, what's it say?

#497

⇓

"What does a nosy pepper do?"

#498

⇓

-What? -"It gets jalapeño business."

#499

⇓

That's stupid. Let me see it.

#500

⇓

Oh, I get it! You know what it is?

#501

⇓

You got to do it with an accent.

#502

⇓

Uh, it gets "all-up-in-yo" business.

#503

⇓

-Get it? -[laughs] Yeah, well, that's funny.

#504

⇓

-Yeah. -'Cause that's Black.

#505

⇓

-That's Black. -Well, n-not necessarily,

#506

⇓

but it is sassy.

#507

⇓

You just got to put some sass on there.

#508

⇓

It also could be Mexican, I guess,

#509

⇓

'cause of the jalapeño, that's a Mexican pepper.

#510

⇓

-Um, gets "hall-up-in-your" business, see? -Oh, yeah, that...

#511

⇓

I get it, but I got to know who it's about.

#512

⇓

I-I don't think it's about anybody.

#513

⇓

I think it's just a-a play on words.

#514

⇓

But I got to know who the victim is

#515

⇓

in order for me to laugh at them.

#516

⇓

Yeah, I'll tell you what, in this scenario it's whites

#517

⇓

because white people are the only people

#518

⇓

who don't have the accent to pull off the joke.

#519

⇓

-Well, that's racist. -That is racist,

#520

⇓

-and I don't appreciate it. -That's very racist.

#521

⇓

I'll tell you that much right now.

#522

⇓

Is this the satire you're talking about?

#523

⇓

I don't know. If I'm being honest,

#524

⇓

I don't 100% understand what satire means.

#525

⇓

-Let's go through the jokes again. -[mutters]

#526

⇓

-Yeah, it's not good now, man, you know? -Yeah, it's the pits.

#527

⇓

Really creepy, too.

#528

⇓

Like, who are the weirdos with the kids?

#529

⇓

I think it's their parents.

#530

⇓

-The parents should be in the bar. -Charlie, there is no bar.

#531

⇓

-What? Are you serious? They got rid of the bar? -There's no bar?

#532

⇓

Oh, that's crazy.

#533

⇓

This was, like, one of the best bars in town, man.

#534

⇓

All right, all right, you know what? Every...

#535

⇓

Let's just, everybody calm down.

#536

⇓

Okay? We're here, you know? Let's give it another shot.

#537

⇓

Right? The show's about to begin.

#538

⇓

That was always one of the best parts

#539

⇓

of this place anyway, right? The show.

#540

⇓

-Okay. Okay. -Let's see if the show's good.

#541

⇓

-One, one last shot. -Hard to screw the show up.

#542

⇓

They could redeem themselves here.

#543

⇓

[announcer] Everybody clap your hands

#544

⇓

'cause it's time to party.

#545

⇓

-[lively music playing] -Here it comes.

#546

⇓

-Okay. Okay. -Party time, baby.

#547

⇓

It's party time.

#548

⇓

What are these?

#549

⇓

-What's this? -Earplugs? -Earphones?

#550

⇓

-Are you serious? -No, no, no, no, no.

#551

⇓

-No, no, no, no. No. -Get out of here.

#552

⇓

I want to be able to hear the show.

#553

⇓

-Risk E., Risk E.... -This is a jam, right?

#554

⇓

Has a good beat going.

#555

⇓

Yeah, I like that beat. That's it.

#556

⇓

♪ It's time for magic and fun ♪

#557

⇓

♪ Rocking out at Robbie-pizza.com ♪

#558

⇓

What the...?

#559

⇓

Did he just say Robbie-pizza.com?

#560

⇓

-Did they change the name? -They can't...

#561

⇓

You cannot call a place a website.

#562

⇓

That's crazy.

#563

⇓

He's not Risk E. anymore?

#564

⇓

-He's Robbie now? -[groans]

#565

⇓

This is so depressing, but, g-guys, we c...

#566

⇓

we can't wallow.

#567

⇓

We got to do something about this.

#568

⇓

For the sake of the kids!

#569

⇓

Okay. So here's what we do.

#570

⇓

We recreate the old Risk E.'s so that these kids can have

#571

⇓

the same experience that we had when we were younger

#572

⇓

and they can perhaps tell the tale.

#573

⇓

That's exactly what I was thinking.

#574

⇓

Guys, let's get risky.

#575

⇓

[mischievous laughter]

#576

⇓

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

#577

⇓

♪ It's time for action, it's time for fun ♪

#578

⇓

♪ You better move, get off your butt and run ♪

#579

⇓

-♪ You're a kid, you make the rules ♪ -♪ Make the rules ♪

#580

⇓

♪ Be rude, freak out, and do something cool ♪

#581

⇓

♪ Yeah ♪

#582

⇓

♪ Do it, do it, do it, do whatever you want ♪

#583

⇓

♪ At Risk E. Rat's Pizza, do whatever you want ♪

#584

⇓

♪ Entertain, go crazy, have fun, go nuts ♪

#585

⇓

♪ At Risk E. Rat's Pizza, do whatever you want ♪

#586

⇓

♪ Do whatever you want ♪

#587

⇓

♪ Do whatever you want. ♪

#588

⇓

Wow. Those kids are jazzed.

#589

⇓

-Wow! -Yeah, man, we're all set here.

#590

⇓

[Frank laughs]

#591

⇓

Guys, I got to say, I think we've...

#592

⇓

I think we've done something pretty magical here today.

#593

⇓

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah!

#594

⇓

Okay. On the count of three,

#595

⇓

you open the doors and let 'em in...

#596

⇓

-[Dennis] Yeah. -...and I will throw this switch

#597

⇓

and let the real fun begin.

#598

⇓

-[Dennis] Yeah, baby. -Ready?

#599

⇓

-[cheering, whooping] -That's the attitude, Frank.

#600

⇓

-[Charlie] Let's do it, let's do it. -[Dennis] Yeah, all right.

#601

⇓

[all] Three, two, one...

#602

⇓

Fun!

#603

⇓

-[crowd clamoring] -[horn honks]

#604

⇓

Where's my son?! Where's my son?!

#605

⇓

[clamoring]

#606

⇓

[woman] They're standing right over there. Go get them.

#607

⇓

[helicopter blades whirring]

#608

⇓

[screaming]

#609

⇓

-Well, that got out of hand. -Yeah.

#610

⇓

Yeah, these kids, they just,

#611

⇓

th-they weren't prepared for that amount of fun.

#612

⇓

You know what it is?

#613

⇓

That's because they were sheltered too much.

#614

⇓

-Right. -I'm glad that they signed the waiver, though.

#615

⇓

Oh, right. No lawsuits for them.

#616

⇓

-[laughter] -They can't do shit.

#617

⇓

-Nobody can sue. -Although you didn't, you didn't sign anything.

#618

⇓

Ah, they won't find me.

#619

⇓

-Hey, should we get out of here? -Yes. -Probably, yes.

#620

⇓

-Let's go, let's go. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's slip out.

#621

⇓

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

#622

⇓

[trio chanting backwards]

#623

⇓