Home » The Boys » S04E01 — Department of Dirty Tricks

The Boys

Season 4, Episode 1 — Department of Dirty Tricks

Go on, son. Have a bump.

#1

⇓

[intense music playing]

#2

⇓

-Shit. -[Annie] What the fuck?

#3

⇓

-Homelander's gonna love this. -No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

#4

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Homelander has agreed to donate to the Starlight House, which is...

#5

⇓

-No. No. -I mean, giv... Come on, give it up.

#6

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-Give it up for this guy. -No, no, no.

#7

⇓

I'm not just like the rest of you,

#8

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I'm better.

#9

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-Homelander is a fucking psychopath. -Homelander is protecting them.

#10

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[grunts]

#11

⇓

You said you'd always looked out for me. You promised!

#12

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-Well, maybe I don't want to look at you. -I hate you.

#13

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-This little guy here is my son. -[cheering]

#14

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Fuck you, fascist!

#15

⇓

-[cheering] -[laughing]

#16

⇓

You help me out with one small favor,

#17

⇓

and I'll help you.

#18

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-Do you have it or not? -Original recipe, all 11 herbs and spices.

#19

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-[screaming] -[Neuman] Just a pinch.

#20

⇓

My name is Annie January, and I fucking quit.

#21

⇓

I say you're one of the Boys.

#22

⇓

You are like rabid little doggy,

#23

⇓

but loyal to whoever holds this chain.

#24

⇓

Your brain's leaking.

#25

⇓

[Annie] Temp V is gonna kill you both.

#26

⇓

-How long I got? -[doctor] Months. 12 on the outside.

#27

⇓

Homelander needs to die.

#28

⇓

That's it. Whatever it takes.

#29

⇓

Soldier Boy's our weapon. He's how we kill Homelander.

#30

⇓

Did you know?

#31

⇓

That Soldier Boy was my father?

#32

⇓

-[grunts] -Get out of the building, now.

#33

⇓

-Butcher, stop! -[grunts]

#34

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The thing you wanted, he's right fucking there, and now you blink?

#35

⇓

I made a promise.

#36

⇓

[Maeve] You don't need me anymore.

#37

⇓

I could jump.

#38

⇓

You can fucking fly.

#39

⇓

-[yells] -[grunts]

#40

⇓

[♪ Sex Pistols: "God Save the Queen"]

#41

⇓

♪ God save the queen ♪

#42

⇓

♪ The fascist regime ♪

#43

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♪ They made you a moron ♪

#44

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♪ A potential H-bomb ♪

#45

⇓

♪ God save the queen ♪

#46

⇓

♪ She ain't no human being ♪

#47

⇓

♪ And there's no future ♪

#48

⇓

♪ God saves. ♪

#49

⇓

[feedback screeches]

#50

⇓

-[applause] -Good evening!

#51

⇓

Now, look, I know it's a late night,

#52

⇓

so I just wanted to come out and say thanks for your patience.

#53

⇓

The bar remains open, and, uh...

#54

⇓

Oh, yeah, Colorado and Nevada just went to Robert Singer!

#55

⇓

-[cheering] -Whoo!

#56

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So, stay tuned.

#57

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I feel like we're gonna be back very soon with some very good news.

#58

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Thank you, and God bless America!

#59

⇓

[cheering]

#60

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[intriguing music playing]

#61

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[sniffs] Motherfucking Gruyère puffs?

#62

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What am I supposed to do with these?

#63

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She says you've been working too hard. You need to eat more.

#64

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We pull this off, I promise I'll grub all these motherfuckers.

#65

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[dramatic music playing]

#66

⇓

[hisses]

#67

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Hughie, come on. I need eyes.

#68

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[Hughie over comms] Yeah, yeah, just give me one... more second.

#69

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Sorry, sorry. There's, like, a million connectors in here, and I can't see shit.

#70

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[sighs] Are you helping, or you just showing off?

#71

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Oh, for sure both.

#72

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[Hughie] Is that it?

#73

⇓

All right, live and in living color.

#74

⇓

Butcher, you copy?

#75

⇓

[scoffs]

#76

⇓

Where the fuck is Butcher?

#77

⇓

[vomiting]

#78

⇓

[sighs]

#79

⇓

[spits]

#80

⇓

Oh, don't you fucking start. I'm fine.

#81

⇓

[Frenchie] Charcuter.

#82

⇓

Who are you talking to?

#83

⇓

I ain't said a word.

#84

⇓

[distant siren wailing]

#85

⇓

[sighs] Geez.

#86

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All right. [sighs] Come on, then.

#87

⇓

[dramatic, suspenseful music playing]

#88

⇓

Evening, cunts.

#89

⇓

We're here to commit a bit of high treason.

#90

⇓

[door opens]

#91

⇓

-[elevator bell dings] -[automated voice] Going up.

#92

⇓

Hey, whoa, hey.

#93

⇓

The plan is you wait here, cover our exit, no?

#94

⇓

Oh, come off it. Watch a fucking door?

#95

⇓

Kimiko, if Butcher steps one foot in that elevator, break his arm.

#96

⇓

[automated voice] Please remove obstruction from doors.

#97

⇓

Fuck me.

#98

⇓

[tense, dramatic music playing]

#99

⇓

[breathes deeply]

#100

⇓

[urinating]

#101

⇓

[urinating stops]

#102

⇓

[inhales deeply]

#103

⇓

[whimpers]

#104

⇓

[sighs heavily]

#105

⇓

[lively chatter]

#106

⇓

Okay, big man, let's do this.

#107

⇓

There's a lot of people in there.

#108

⇓

[sighs]

#109

⇓

Come on, kiddo.

#110

⇓

Would you be scared of a bunch of cockroaches? Huh?

#111

⇓

Yeah.

#112

⇓

Yeah. [stammers] Then baby chicks or whatever.

#113

⇓

Look, the-the point is, you have nothing to be nervous about.

#114

⇓

Come on. We've talked about this.

#115

⇓

They're only humans and...?

#116

⇓

[both] Toys for our amusement.

#117

⇓

-That's right. -Yeah.

#118

⇓

We got this.

#119

⇓

-[overlapping chatter] -[cameras clicking]

#120

⇓

Hold up, hold up.

#121

⇓

Okay, we got a problem.

#122

⇓

W-Wait, what is... he doing here?

#123

⇓

[Mother's Milk over comms] Homelander's in the building.

#124

⇓

If you see him, do not engage. I repeat,

#125

⇓

do not engage with Homelander.

#126

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That means you, Butcher, you copy?

#127

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My goodness, you look beautiful this evening.

#128

⇓

Especially you. Zoe, uh, y-you remember my son, Ryan?

#129

⇓

-Yeah. Hi. -Hi.

#130

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Hey, Zo, you know what? I heard that this hotel makes its own ice cream.

#131

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Why don't you take Ryan and try and find some, huh?

#132

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What a great idea. Go for it, sport.

#133

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Just nobody come back pregnant.

#134

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[laughs] Just kidding.

#135

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I'm kidding, I'm kidding. They're too young. Although,

#136

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Ryan could spew goo if he wanted to.

#137

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What the fuck are you doing here?

#138

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Oh, I've supported every new administration

#139

⇓

for the past... [sputters] 16 years.

#140

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[chuckles] I don't want your support. You're on trial for fucking murder.

#141

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-Hi, Doug. [laughs] -One,

#142

⇓

that's a formality, and two, that's a clear-cut case of self-defense.

#143

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That thug threw a projectile at my son.

#144

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It was a plastic bottle.

#145

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Could've had anthrax in it.

#146

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Not that that would've hurt us, but there was a principle at stake.

#147

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And, besides, when I took that monster down, people applauded.

#148

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Your shareholders didn't.

#149

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[laughs] Well, that's why you and me are gonna prove to them

#150

⇓

that even with a "soft on crime" fucking libtard

#151

⇓

-for a president... -Mm.

#152

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...it's gonna be business as usual at Vought.

#153

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Any transaction you and I may or may not have had is ancient history.

#154

⇓

[laughs]

#155

⇓

Well, then let's make some new history.

#156

⇓

Ladies and gentlemen, Victoria Neuman.

#157

⇓

-[chuckles] -Let's give her a round.

#158

⇓

-[cheering] -Huh?

#159

⇓

Girls get it done in the White House.

#160

⇓

Hmm? God bless you.

#161

⇓

[indistinct chatter]

#162

⇓

[chuckling]

#163

⇓

Give us a minute here, would you, love?

#164

⇓

[tense music playing]

#165

⇓

[typing on phone]

#166

⇓

Listen, Ryan, I've got a lot to say...

#167

⇓

and fuck all time to say it.

#168

⇓

I got a lorry out back. I can get you out of here.

#169

⇓

-What are you talking about? -I know you're angry at me, and you've got every right to be.

#170

⇓

But you know how dangerous Homelander is.

#171

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-He's my dad. -Right.

#172

⇓

H-He murdered some poor sod right in front of your eyes.

#173

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-That guy was a pedophile. -It ain't true.

#174

⇓

He-He's lying to you.

#175

⇓

Let me take you to Grace, all right?

#176

⇓

A-And then you don't got to see me no more.

#177

⇓

Please, I'm... I'm begging you.

#178

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It's what your mom would want.

#179

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No means no, William.

#180

⇓

This isn't the Neverland Ranch. [chuckles]

#181

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Don't worry. Nothing bad's gonna happen, right?

#182

⇓

Oh.

#183

⇓

Seems it already has.

#184

⇓

Look at that big black mass curdling around your brain.

#185

⇓

[chuckles]

#186

⇓

What do you got, six months?

#187

⇓

Less?

#188

⇓

That's too bad. W-We're not gonna have that last dance together.

#189

⇓

I'll miss us.

#190

⇓

[chuckles] Bloody hell.

#191

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You wank to your own voice, don't you?

#192

⇓

[scoffs]

#193

⇓

That's the spirit, champ.

#194

⇓

[chuckles] Son.

#195

⇓

[tense, suspenseful music playing]

#196

⇓

Come on. I do not want to miss Smash Mouth.

#197

⇓

[♪ Smash Mouth: "Walkin' on the Sun"]

#198

⇓

[beeps]

#199

⇓

♪ It ain't no joke ♪

#200

⇓

♪ I'd like to buy the world a toke ♪

#201

⇓

♪ And teach the world to sing in perfect harmony ♪

#202

⇓

♪ And teach the world... ♪

#203

⇓

So many pantsuits.

#204

⇓

♪ And the liars, hey, I know ♪

#205

⇓

♪ It's just a song, but it's spice ♪

#206

⇓

♪ For the recipe, this is a love attack ♪

#207

⇓

♪ I know it went out, but it's back ♪

#208

⇓

♪ It's just like any fad ♪

#209

⇓

♪ It retracts before impact ♪

#210

⇓

♪ And just like fashion, it's a passion for the ♪

#211

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♪ With-it and hip, if you got the goods ♪

#212

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♪ They'll come and buy it...

#213

⇓

Mom?

#214

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-[door closes] -What are you doing in here?

#215

⇓

[agent 1] Apologies, Miss Neuman,

#216

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we're with your mother's detail.

#217

⇓

Is that Zoe?

#218

⇓

We'll be done in just a minute.

#219

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Why don't you wait outside.

#220

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-[shrieks] -[screaming]

#221

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-Frenchie, what's happening? -[Frenchie] She's a fucking Supe.

#222

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She's a fucking Supe!

#223

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Yeah, I guess I'll just, uh...

#224

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-[van door slams] -...wait here.

#225

⇓

[dramatic music playing]

#226

⇓

It's okay.

#227

⇓

We see nothing.

#228

⇓

Ça va? Non ça va?

#229

⇓

[shrieks]

#230

⇓

We need an exit, now!

#231

⇓

[exciting music playing]

#232

⇓

There's a window on the south end of the hallway.

#233

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Uh... We're eight stories up.

#234

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[Annie] Frenchie, trust me.

#235

⇓

[Zoe shrieking]

#236

⇓

[crowd murmuring]

#237

⇓

-No! -Frenchie!

#238

⇓

Motherfucker.

#239

⇓

[screams]

#240

⇓

[panting]

#241

⇓

[somber music playing]

#242

⇓

[panting]

#243

⇓

Yes.

#244

⇓

-Oh, shit. -Oh, mon Dieu.

#245

⇓

Oh, God.

#246

⇓

Oh, gross.

#247

⇓

Thank Christ. Can we go now? Jesus.

#248

⇓

-Hey, you. -Hey.

#249

⇓

You got to teach Butcher the meaning of the word "covert."

#250

⇓

He just got made by a 12-year-old.

#251

⇓

You mean Zoe, who just murdered two guys?

#252

⇓

Vic, you-you shot your own daughter up with V? How could you do that to her?

#253

⇓

-I needed to keep her safe. -Safe?

#254

⇓

You turned her into a fucking monster. Like you.

#255

⇓

I'm sorry. That sounds like the pot calling the kettle

#256

⇓

a teleporting dude with his dick out.

#257

⇓

Worst mistake I ever made.

#258

⇓

Vic, you and me, we were...

#259

⇓

We were like family. I mean...

#260

⇓

was everything just... bullshit?

#261

⇓

[scoffs]

#262

⇓

I almost told you once.

#263

⇓

That night of the blackout, you remember?

#264

⇓

You brought every bodega snack you could carry for Zoe.

#265

⇓

We played Uno with her for hours until the lights came back on.

#266

⇓

And I thought...

#267

⇓

...you were one of my closest friends.

#268

⇓

I mean, hell, you're dating a Supe.

#269

⇓

If anyone would understand, it'd be you, right?

#270

⇓

Why didn't you tell me?

#271

⇓

I was scared.

#272

⇓

Scared you'd have to pop my head.

#273

⇓

I was scared to lose you.

#274

⇓

[sighs]

#275

⇓

I always cared about you, Hughie.

#276

⇓

That part was real.

#277

⇓

Hey, Vicky.

#278

⇓

-Fuck you! -Oh!

#279

⇓

Seriously? Ugh.

#280

⇓

I have to be on TV in, like, ten minutes, you fucking asshole.

#281

⇓

We're gonna out you. We're gonna go to the press, tell them you blew up Congress.

#282

⇓

I still, I still got the Red River files.

#283

⇓

Okay, okay, okay. Have you ever seen WarGames?

#284

⇓

What am I saying, look at you, of course you've seen fucking WarGames.

#285

⇓

-We're making jokes? -Mutually assured destruction.

#286

⇓

I hurt you, you out me. You out me,

#287

⇓

I kill everyone you've ever loved.

#288

⇓

The only thing that makes sense is a truce.

#289

⇓

Or plan B.

#290

⇓

-[gunshot] -Jesus fucking... [gasping]

#291

⇓

[Neuman groans]

#292

⇓

How is it you guys are actually getting worse at your jobs?

#293

⇓

[phone chimes]

#294

⇓

Mm. They just called Arizona.

#295

⇓

Guess I better go change.

#296

⇓

[panting]

#297

⇓

[sighs]

#298

⇓

[cheering]

#299

⇓

[rock music playing]

#300

⇓

[dramatic music playing]

#301

⇓

Nice of you to show up. Where the hell you been?

#302

⇓

The bog. Trying to wash off the stench of failure

#303

⇓

from your cock-up last night.

#304

⇓

Shut the fuck up, Butcher.

#305

⇓

Grace.

#306

⇓

-Not you. -Oh, come off it.

#307

⇓

I washed my bollocks and all.

#308

⇓

-M? -There are people who,

#309

⇓

because of ignorance or maybe insanity,

#310

⇓

still believe you have something to contribute.

#311

⇓

I'm not one of them.

#312

⇓

I'll get the kid back, Grace.

#313

⇓

I'll make it right.

#314

⇓

[somber music playing]

#315

⇓

Two agents from my detail are dead at the hands of a 12-year-old.

#316

⇓

We had to tell their families they snorted fentanyl-laced cocaine at the after-party.

#317

⇓

-Sir, our intel told us the acid would work on Neuman. -She's no idiot.

#318

⇓

She'll know I was behind it.

#319

⇓

Goddamn it! Everyone told me to pick Buttigieg instead.

#320

⇓

You didn't know, sir. Marvin,

#321

⇓

I vouched for you. The CIA is bankrolling you.

#322

⇓

All due respect, ma'am,

#323

⇓

you can always put Butcher back in charge. He's right outside.

#324

⇓

What about Starlight?

#325

⇓

She goes by Annie now.

#326

⇓

Can Annie burn out Neuman's fucking eyes, debilitate her?

#327

⇓

If she can get close enough to her without getting her head popped off, who knows?

#328

⇓

But we might have to accept the possibility that Neuman's... invulnerable.

#329

⇓

Congress certifies the election January 6.

#330

⇓

After that, a Supe is one heartbeat away from the presidency.

#331

⇓

My fucking heartbeat.

#332

⇓

Now, I can only keep my distance from her for so long.

#333

⇓

Eliminating her is top priority.

#334

⇓

So do your fucking job.

#335

⇓

Yes, ma'am.

#336

⇓

♪ Never gonna give you up ♪

#337

⇓

-Fuck. -♪ Never gonna let you down ♪

#338

⇓

♪ Never gonna run ♪♪

#339

⇓

Somewhere else you need to be?

#340

⇓

No, sir.

#341

⇓

[muffled chatter continues]

#342

⇓

[Kessler] Billy Butcher.

#343

⇓

Joe Kessler.

#344

⇓

Fuck me. How long's it been?

#345

⇓

Uh, I'd say 11 years, but, officially speaking,

#346

⇓

none of that shit show ever happened.

#347

⇓

Then how come I remember you high on opium,

#348

⇓

rimming out the General's wife?

#349

⇓

Well, fuck you.

#350

⇓

[both laughing]

#351

⇓

Hey, let me buy you a bad cup of coffee.

#352

⇓

[Kessler] Demoted from your own fucking team.

#353

⇓

What's your shitty code name again?

#354

⇓

The Boys.

#355

⇓

Oof. Who came up with that shit?

#356

⇓

Why you putting up with it? Walk away.

#357

⇓

No, my son, I've got plans and schemes.

#358

⇓

I'll be back at the head of the table in no time.

#359

⇓

[Kessler] Well, you better.

#360

⇓

You know, a lot of the guys are thinking you got benched

#361

⇓

at the worst possible time.

#362

⇓

You know, Mallory's so focused on killing the VP-Elect

#363

⇓

'cause that's what Singer wants, and half of goddamn Langley's on it.

#364

⇓

Well, you know Grace, she's always been a bit of a political animal.

#365

⇓

And what are you focused on?

#366

⇓

Homelander.

#367

⇓

He killed that poor cunt in broad daylight, and they fucking cheered.

#368

⇓

I mean, what you think that taught him, eh?

#369

⇓

No.

#370

⇓

We're whistling away towards a fucking apocalypse,

#371

⇓

and Grace's eye ain't on the ball.

#372

⇓

You had a clean shot at him, right?

#373

⇓

With Soldier Boy? You didn't take it.

#374

⇓

Was your eye on the ball?

#375

⇓

Why do I get the feeling we ain't just bumped into each other?

#376

⇓

You remember the Panjshir Valley?

#377

⇓

Yeah. Pretty hard to forget.

#378

⇓

You dragged me out of there and dropped how many bodies to do it,

#379

⇓

without giving it a second fucking thought.

#380

⇓

And yet you still didn't name your son after me, eh?

#381

⇓

We need someone like you, Billy. Right fucking now.

#382

⇓

Before the Supes start rounding us up and dumping us off in camps.

#383

⇓

[tense music playing]

#384

⇓

[knock on door]

#385

⇓

Hey.

#386

⇓

A tie? You going to prom?

#387

⇓

[chuckles]

#388

⇓

-What's up? -[sighs] Janine.

#389

⇓

She got into a fight at school.

#390

⇓

Principal didn't say why, just that she KO'd a boy.

#391

⇓

A boy?

#392

⇓

Don't you dare be proud right now.

#393

⇓

She's been slamming doors, Marvin.

#394

⇓

She told me to "eat a dick."

#395

⇓

Janine said that?

#396

⇓

She's been having a hard time since Todd moved out.

#397

⇓

You mean, since you kicked him out?

#398

⇓

Let's dial down the glee in your voice, but, yes,

#399

⇓

since I kicked him out.

#400

⇓

But Janine still loves him.

#401

⇓

-She's worried. -Worried about what?

#402

⇓

Todd got so deep into all that weird Hometeamer shit.

#403

⇓

He's not answering my calls. I don't know where he is.

#404

⇓

Okay, so...?

#405

⇓

And you're good at finding people.

#406

⇓

Oh, come on. Monique--

#407

⇓

For your daughter, Marvin.

#408

⇓

[sighs]

#409

⇓

Well, I get what you saw in that guy. He was good to Janine.

#410

⇓

'Cause it sure as shit wasn't the D. [scoffs]

#411

⇓

Right?

#412

⇓

-[Madelyn] You have to be good. -[Vogelbaum] You're my greatest failure.

#413

⇓

[overlapping voices]

#414

⇓

-[grunts] -It's your destiny.

#415

⇓

[overlapping voices]

#416

⇓

[intense, pulsing music playing]

#417

⇓

[Homelander] It's because deep down there's a part of you that is still...

#418

⇓

human.

#419

⇓

[gasps]

#420

⇓

[Judge Roemhildt] Don't get brazen with me.

#421

⇓

You're not to refer to the deceased as the "victim."

#422

⇓

It's a loaded term and for the jury to decide.

#423

⇓

[Ashley] Sir, so I'm afraid we are behind on the Tower Reconstruction,

#424

⇓

but I can 100% assure you that it is not my fault.

#425

⇓

[Nneka over TV] But it wasn't until Annie January stepped out

#426

⇓

from Vought's shadow, and Homelander's,

#427

⇓

that we saw the true extent of her power.

#428

⇓

Vought and Homelander aren't above the law.

#429

⇓

They can't just do whatever they want.

#430

⇓

[Hailey over TV] Deep, we got to talk about the octopus in the room.

#431

⇓

Your ex, Cassandra, wrote a tell-all book--

#432

⇓

I'm gonna have to stop you right there, Hailey.

#433

⇓

You know, there were no relations with an octopus.

#434

⇓

It's, uh, it's just a racist rumor and a ridiculous lie

#435

⇓

perpetuated by a jilted and, uh... [scoffs]

#436

⇓

emotionally unstable hysterical woman,

#437

⇓

who, let's be clear, pooped in my bed.

#438

⇓

Deep, please tell me the fucking octopus is gone.

#439

⇓

Yes, Ashley. She's...

#440

⇓

It is taken care of. Okay?

#441

⇓

Hey, Noir.

#442

⇓

[Ashley] Sir, after that debacle at Godolkin--

#443

⇓

thank you again for saving my life--

#444

⇓

the board felt we should find new candidates for The Seven, ASAP.

#445

⇓

The selection committee has

#446

⇓

narrowed it down to 25 choices.

#447

⇓

Um, okay, great.

#448

⇓

If we're going purely on socials, I might suggest Talon out of Redlands.

#449

⇓

[Deep] Pass. She's a butterface.

#450

⇓

-Her body's on point, but her face... -[Ashley] Yeah, I get it.

#451

⇓

Thank you so much for explaining.

#452

⇓

[whispers] Chauvinist prick.

#453

⇓

Ugh, not that slutty cum rag.

#454

⇓

-Hold up, I thought he ate a dog. -He ate out a dog.

#455

⇓

It's a big difference.

#456

⇓

-[Ashley sighs] -[A-Train] Sister Sage? Hell no.

#457

⇓

She was with me in Teenage Kix for, like, barely a year

#458

⇓

-before they canned her ass. -What's her power?

#459

⇓

[A-Train] She's the world's smartest person.

#460

⇓

She's not smart enough to know when to shut her mouth.

#461

⇓

Wrangler. Isn't he a...

#462

⇓

Texas nutjob. The San Antonio office had to cover up those migrant murders.

#463

⇓

-I kind of like him. -[Ashley] Of course,

#464

⇓

he bumps us with suburban women and white men over 50.

#465

⇓

Amazing choice, sir.

#466

⇓

Yeah, I totally agree. He's a mensch.

#467

⇓

Did I use that word right? Mensch?

#468

⇓

You just said he was crazy.

#469

⇓

[Ashley] What I meant was we would be crazy

#470

⇓

to, you know, not bring him in.

#471

⇓

[Homelander groans]

#472

⇓

I am surrounded by sycophants and fucking imbeciles.

#473

⇓

It's just that you make a lot of really great points, sir.

#474

⇓

Deep, just...

#475

⇓

Blow A-Train.

#476

⇓

What?

#477

⇓

[Homelander] I'm not kidding. Go over there, pull out

#478

⇓

A-Train's cock and blow him.

#479

⇓

[scoffs] Okay.

#480

⇓

[breathes deeply]

#481

⇓

[Homelander] Get up.

#482

⇓

[sighs heavily]

#483

⇓

[exhales]

#484

⇓

[chuckles] Sex is just a spectrum, right, bro?

#485

⇓

Get off your fucking knees.

#486

⇓

This is exactly

#487

⇓

what I'm talking about. Not one of you

#488

⇓

has the stomach to challenge anything I say.

#489

⇓

Oh, my God.

#490

⇓

I have got to carry this entire fucking company on my shoulders.

#491

⇓

You're... right?

#492

⇓

[tense music playing]

#493

⇓

I wasn't gonna do it.

#494

⇓

Homelander faces his toughest opponent yet, our corrupt legal system.

#495

⇓

Smash that donate button, get a free tote--

#496

⇓

Roland Keating attacked Homelander's son.

#497

⇓

♪ We shall...

#498

⇓

[announcer] The magic of Vought on Ice, coming December 7 at VoughtCoin Arena.

#499

⇓

Things grew heated between the Starlighter

#500

⇓

and Hometeamer movements outside the courthouse today.

#501

⇓

This creep had photos of his quote-unquote "niece"

#502

⇓

naked in the bathtub.

#503

⇓

He's an antifa pedo who fucked around and found out.

#504

⇓

And "an eye for an eye" might be in the Jew section of the Bible,

#505

⇓

but it is still in the Bible.

#506

⇓

[coughs]

#507

⇓

Yes. Steady.

#508

⇓

Good, good.

#509

⇓

[grunts]

#510

⇓

-Yes. -[groaning]

#511

⇓

Annie, that was awesome. Look, look. It's a new record. 33 seconds.

#512

⇓

Oh, amazing. I can fly 100 feet away from all my cares.

#513

⇓

And drain the power grid at the same time.

#514

⇓

What would Greta say?

#515

⇓

[phone buzzing, ringing]

#516

⇓

[clattering]

#517

⇓

[mutters in French]

#518

⇓

Six months of work, c'est merde!

#519

⇓

So the acid didn't work.

#520

⇓

We'll think of something else.

#521

⇓

Like what? Yeah.

#522

⇓

Hey, look, I-I-I totally agree with whatever you said.

#523

⇓

No one wants Neuman gone more than me,

#524

⇓

and no one knows how dangerous she is for the country.

#525

⇓

Yeah, we may never get another shot like that ever again...

#526

⇓

-I am really bad at pep talks. -Oh, you think?

#527

⇓

[muttering]

#528

⇓

All right, I'm out of here.

#529

⇓

Recycling bin, motherfucker.

#530

⇓

[sighs]

#531

⇓

[door closes]

#532

⇓

What? [sighs]

#533

⇓

-He blew our cover with Neuman. -Mm-hmm.

#534

⇓

He almost got you killed again.

#535

⇓

Uh-huh.

#536

⇓

You're the only one that wants him here.

#537

⇓

We should cut him loose.

#538

⇓

We're not cutting him loose.

#539

⇓

We're not cutting him loose.

#540

⇓

Well, it's a fine time to fucking well bring that up, innit?

#541

⇓

[tense music playing]

#542

⇓

It's gonna be a lot harder to do a murder with them cunts around.

#543

⇓

Them? Nah.

#544

⇓

They're, uh, hand-picked, sort of secret-secret service, so...

#545

⇓

I'm surprised you called.

#546

⇓

I'm full of surprises, ain't I?

#547

⇓

What do you want?

#548

⇓

Well, I was thinking that, uh, you and I could scratch each other's backs.

#549

⇓

Like when you shot me in the head?

#550

⇓

I need a hand to get Ryan away from Homelander.

#551

⇓

[chuckles] Is that all? Boy needs a father.

#552

⇓

That cunt ain't no father.

#553

⇓

And you are?

#554

⇓

[clears throat]

#555

⇓

You're between a cock and a hard place.

#556

⇓

I'm going to put you into that posh VP slot,

#557

⇓

and he's gonna make sure you spend the next four years

#558

⇓

grabbing your ankles while he shoves it up your ass.

#559

⇓

I think I can handle myself.

#560

⇓

Oh, you mean that nasty little virus they cooked you up at Godolkin?

#561

⇓

Yeah, I know about it,

#562

⇓

and I know it ain't strong enough to kill Homelander yet.

#563

⇓

And then there's the hard place.

#564

⇓

The full weight of the CIA and my Boys working 24/7 to top you.

#565

⇓

You need me.

#566

⇓

If I was even gonna think about this...

#567

⇓

I'd want a show of good faith.

#568

⇓

The material Hughie has on me from the Red River Group Home.

#569

⇓

That don't stop him from going to the press.

#570

⇓

Mm. Stops them from printing it.

#571

⇓

Just a wild conspiracy theory from a disgruntled former staffer.

#572

⇓

Those are my terms.

#573

⇓

You know where to find me.

#574

⇓

Motherfucker. I just logged in five minutes ago.

#575

⇓

-What's happening? -This shit.

#576

⇓

Uh... Oh, okay, yeah, you got to hit

#577

⇓

"Keep me logged in."

#578

⇓

-[phone buzzes] -Sorry. Uh, yeah, "Keep me logged in."

#579

⇓

But, uh, spoiler alert, that will not keep you logged in. [chuckles]

#580

⇓

[man on phone] This message is for Hugh Campbell.

#581

⇓

I'm calling again from New York Central Hospital.

#582

⇓

Your father was admitted...

#583

⇓

Fuck. Fuck!

#584

⇓

Kid?

#585

⇓

[tense music playing]

#586

⇓

Sorry.

#587

⇓

Dad? I'm...

#588

⇓

The Starlight House, a so-called "home for at-risk teens."

#589

⇓

Sure. And Jeff Epstein killed himself.

#590

⇓

No, the only thing these teens are at risk of is being groomed

#591

⇓

and thrown into Starlight's LGBTerror-dungeon.

#592

⇓

Child Lives Matter, folks...

#593

⇓

It'd be a lot easier to get media coverage if you were there.

#594

⇓

Homelander's verdict will 1,000% be innocent,

#595

⇓

and I'm not showing up to even dignify that shit.

#596

⇓

Annie, I'm happy to organize the protest and-and make the speech,

#597

⇓

but no one wants to hear it

#598

⇓

'cause it's the Starlighter Movement and I'm not Starlight.

#599

⇓

-Well, neither am I. -Then, tell that to her.

#600

⇓

The whole reason I quit was to get away from her.

#601

⇓

Now, you're killing it with the Starlighters.

#602

⇓

You don't need me.

#603

⇓

If-- just if-- you were Starlight,

#604

⇓

then maybe we'd drum up some real donations.

#605

⇓

I want to help, of course, but as Annie January.

#606

⇓

No one's donating to the Annie House. It sounds like we sell raisin cookies.

#607

⇓

[quietly] Hey.

#608

⇓

Hey.

#609

⇓

So, Colin is annoying as hell,

#610

⇓

but he has saved my ass more than a few times

#611

⇓

over the past few months, so thank you for the rec.

#612

⇓

-He's a champ. -Oh, je t'en prie.

#613

⇓

You know, I can tell this even from our first group meeting.

#614

⇓

Anonymous meetings.

#615

⇓

Right there in the name.

#616

⇓

[chuckles]

#617

⇓

-Excuse-moi. -Mm-hmm.

#618

⇓

Pardon.

#619

⇓

I should not have brought up our meetings.

#620

⇓

It's okay.

#621

⇓

I love my boss knowing I'm an ex-junkie. [chuckles]

#622

⇓

[door opens, closes]

#623

⇓

[quiet chatter]

#624

⇓

[gentle music playing]

#625

⇓

[breathes deeply]

#626

⇓

[ominous music playing]

#627

⇓

[audiobook playing in fast-forward over earbuds]

#628

⇓

[knock at door]

#629

⇓

[clicks tongue]

#630

⇓

Shit.

#631

⇓

[toddler crying nearby]

#632

⇓

I am almost never surprised.

#633

⇓

May I come in?

#634

⇓

-Sister Sage. -Just Sage.

#635

⇓

Right.

#636

⇓

Vought added the "Sister" part.

#637

⇓

Can't have one of us without a racial qualifier.

#638

⇓

-Ha. -Never seen you without the suit.

#639

⇓

Why incognito?

#640

⇓

You know, I would've thought the smartest woman on Earth

#641

⇓

would have a nicer place.

#642

⇓

Smartest person,

#643

⇓

and that person's too smart to give a fuck about Pottery Barn.

#644

⇓

Okay. Preach, sister.

#645

⇓

Well, um...

#646

⇓

You're so smart.

#647

⇓

Show me.

#648

⇓

Show me.

#649

⇓

Based on your public appearances,

#650

⇓

your stylist is dying your hair more often.

#651

⇓

Used to be every month, now it's every 2.4 weeks.

#652

⇓

Did she tell you you're going gray,

#653

⇓

-or is she hiding it? -[scoffs]

#654

⇓

So between that and your enlarged prostate...

#655

⇓

-My fucking what? -Look at your hands.

#656

⇓

You've been washing them more often,

#657

⇓

so likely you've been peeing more often, which makes sense.

#658

⇓

You got a lot of power, but you do age.

#659

⇓

Plus, there's that small matter your own father almost killed you.

#660

⇓

[chuckles] Wow.

#661

⇓

Any mouth breather could see you're going through some existential midlife...

#662

⇓

whatever.

#663

⇓

Pretty ballsy for someone whose power is a party trick.

#664

⇓

You are welcome to laser me,

#665

⇓

but I'm guessing you need me and my party trick for something.

#666

⇓

Hmm.

#667

⇓

I need advice.

#668

⇓

From someone on my level.

#669

⇓

Of course, if you breathe a word of this, I'll pull you apart bit by bit.

#670

⇓

Naturally.

#671

⇓

God, I've spent my life scaling to the peak of-of Vought.

#672

⇓

It's all I ever wanted. And-and... now that I have it--

#673

⇓

You're still not happy?

#674

⇓

[sighs]

#675

⇓

I save people, they cheer. I fucking kill people, they cheer.

#676

⇓

It's-it's meaningless.

#677

⇓

Humans are nothing. They're, they're less than nothing.

#678

⇓

They're just toys for my amusement.

#679

⇓

And yet they control everything.

#680

⇓

It's unnatural.

#681

⇓

What kind of legacy am-am I gonna leave to my son?

#682

⇓

[stammers] A shithole country in a shithole world?

#683

⇓

Or something better?

#684

⇓

Something... pure and cleansed.

#685

⇓

Like... marble.

#686

⇓

You do realize that probably won't make you happy, either.

#687

⇓

Still.

#688

⇓

Tell me how you'd go about it.

#689

⇓

Hypothetically.

#690

⇓

[exhales]

#691

⇓

Well... Greece,

#692

⇓

all democracies, they fail because people are fucking stupid.

#693

⇓

You don't need an army of Supermen like Nazi bae wanted-- so German.

#694

⇓

If you crush the masses, who builds your monuments?

#695

⇓

Who tongues your taint?

#696

⇓

No.

#697

⇓

The people will tear it apart themselves,

#698

⇓

just got to nudge 'em a little.

#699

⇓

Then you get to swoop in, be the one saving it.

#700

⇓

Like Caesar.

#701

⇓

Like Caesar.

#702

⇓

Statistically, it's inevitable.

#703

⇓

-I'd like you to join the Seven. -No fucking way.

#704

⇓

-Why not? -Because I'm not wearing

#705

⇓

some vaguely racist super suit in front of a bunch of clapping seals.

#706

⇓

Plus, I'm a Black woman who is a thousand times smarter than you.

#707

⇓

Your ego can't handle it.

#708

⇓

-I'm pretty smart myself. -See what I mean?

#709

⇓

Smart enough to listen.

#710

⇓

I mean really listen to you.

#711

⇓

[sighs] You can stay here,

#712

⇓

reeking of Taco Bell and loneliness,

#713

⇓

or we can put some of your theories into practice on a global scale.

#714

⇓

When's the last time you got a chance like that?

#715

⇓

[sighs softly]

#716

⇓

Butcher, what are you doing here?

#717

⇓

Couldn't sleep.

#718

⇓

What about you?

#719

⇓

Um, my dad, he, uh, he had a stroke.

#720

⇓

Oh, fuck.

#721

⇓

I'm sorry to hear that, mate.

#722

⇓

Just gonna grab a few things before I get back to him.

#723

⇓

-Is he, uh... -I-I don't know.

#724

⇓

He-he called me right before it happened, and, um... I didn't pick up.

#725

⇓

Why didn't I pick up?

#726

⇓

I mean, maybe I could've seen it coming.

#727

⇓

-I could-- I could've... -No, no, no. Hughie.

#728

⇓

Don't beat yourself up about it. There's nothing you could've done.

#729

⇓

All he ever wants is to chat about some stupid fucking James Patterson book

#730

⇓

that he's reading, and I couldn't even give him that.

#731

⇓

And now they're saying that even if he lives...

#732

⇓

God.

#733

⇓

Yeah, well, I know what I'd want.

#734

⇓

Quick lights out. Better than the alternative.

#735

⇓

Sitting there, stewing in your mistakes...

#736

⇓

...as you wait out the inevitable.

#737

⇓

[zipper closes]

#738

⇓

I hope your old man pulls through.

#739

⇓

Thank you. I-- Oh.

#740

⇓

-[Annie] Hughie? -Hey.

#741

⇓

[sighs] I'm so sorry.

#742

⇓

I got here as soon as I could.

#743

⇓

I'm sorry.

#744

⇓

[sighs] I'm okay.

#745

⇓

[newscaster speaking over radio]

#746

⇓

[Frenchie] Turn here.

#747

⇓

-Right here? -Yes.

#748

⇓

So, what does the CIA think of you wasting their vast resources,

#749

⇓

all to hunt down the phone of Todd?

#750

⇓

I didn't ask.

#751

⇓

Just like I didn't ask you to come, either.

#752

⇓

-Mm. We are here for you always, mon ami. -[phone chimes]

#753

⇓

Colin?

#754

⇓

Why do you ask?

#755

⇓

You've been spending a lot of time...

#756

⇓

...together in the bathroom...

#757

⇓

Sorry, I should've said something.

#758

⇓

But it's complicated.

#759

⇓

To be clear

#760

⇓

I love you.

#761

⇓

Moi aussi.

#762

⇓

But you and I..

#763

⇓

Are not happening.

#764

⇓

I know.

#765

⇓

So if Colin makes you happy...

#766

⇓

Go be happy.

#767

⇓

Yo, white boy spotted.

#768

⇓

[pulsing music playing]

#769

⇓

[Todd] How's it going, Nick? Here for the meet-up?

#770

⇓

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

#771

⇓

[Todd] Cool.

#772

⇓

[Frenchie] That's a good question.

#773

⇓

-What's that? -[Frenchie] She wonders, uh...

#774

⇓

how a man such as this win the love of a woman

#775

⇓

like Monique, you know?

#776

⇓

[Mother's Milk] Oh, he's, uh, he's nice to my daughter.

#777

⇓

[Frenchie] Come on, there is only one reason.

#778

⇓

Todd must be packing some serious heat between his legs.

#779

⇓

Seriously, Frenchie, you did not have to come.

#780

⇓

[Frenchie] Okay, I'm only saying,

#781

⇓

the man has some serious Pete Davidson energy over there, no?

#782

⇓

[camera clicking]

#783

⇓

-You recognize her? -Not sure.

#784

⇓

Hi, fellas. Thanks for making it on such short notice.

#785

⇓

He's here, right? Like, in the building here?

#786

⇓

This is the best day of my life.

#787

⇓

Yeah.

#788

⇓

[camera clicking]

#789

⇓

Well, you know, Dirk, I'm not actually holding my breath underwater.

#790

⇓

I'm technically breathing underwater.

#791

⇓

So it's more impressive.

#792

⇓

Mmm. A-Train, try these buffalo ranch bacon blasters.

#793

⇓

They're juicy.

#794

⇓

Sage.

#795

⇓

It's good to see you again.

#796

⇓

[quietly] What the fuck are you doing here?

#797

⇓

Homelander's tired of being surrounded by morons.

#798

⇓

-Hello, everyone. -[Todd] Homelander!

#799

⇓

I just want to say, it's a huge honor to be here with you.

#800

⇓

Right. Now, I can't stay long,

#801

⇓

but I heard that you are some of my biggest fans,

#802

⇓

supporting me when others turned their backs.

#803

⇓

I just wanted to personally say...

#804

⇓

thank you for your devotion and your sacrifice.

#805

⇓

W-- Well, really, it's you who gives so much to--

#806

⇓

You people are more than just fans.

#807

⇓

You're martyrs to the greatest cause on Earth.

#808

⇓

-Open it. -You got it.

#809

⇓

Whoa. Bats.

#810

⇓

Yeah.

#811

⇓

I want you to take these bats

#812

⇓

and beat these gentlemen to death.

#813

⇓

[laughing] You're funny.

#814

⇓

[laughs] Oh, it's like one of your tests. You want us to say no.

#815

⇓

No, Deep.

#816

⇓

This is not a test.

#817

⇓

I want you to beat these gentlemen to death... now.

#818

⇓

I think maybe we should go.

#819

⇓

Oh, Jesus!

#820

⇓

Mm-hmm.

#821

⇓

Oh, shit.

#822

⇓

Jesus!

#823

⇓

[intense music playing]

#824

⇓

Stay here.

#825

⇓

Wait for further instructions.

#826

⇓

[door opens]

#827

⇓

-[door closes] -[sighs]

#828

⇓

Yo, what the fuck? That was so fucked-up, you guys.

#829

⇓

[Mother's Milk] What the fuck is he doing here?

#830

⇓

[Frenchie] He should be at his trial, no?

#831

⇓

Shit.

#832

⇓

[Cameron] This exclusive live footage

#833

⇓

of Homelander arriving at the courthouse just now.

#834

⇓

The verdict will be read any moment.

#835

⇓

So stay with us after these important messages.

#836

⇓

[announcer] Are you ready to stop reusing your catheter and start living your life?

#837

⇓

[crowd chanting, clamoring]

#838

⇓

[overlapping shouting]

#839

⇓

[phones chiming]

#840

⇓

[man] The verdict's coming.

#841

⇓

Jurors are seated. Any second.

#842

⇓

[shouting quiets]

#843

⇓

[phones chiming, buzzing]

#844

⇓

-Not guilty! -[crowd cheering]

#845

⇓

Fuck you, fascist!

#846

⇓