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Season 1, Episode 10 — Environmental Science

[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

#1

⇓

Okay, you can hear me?

#2

⇓

Okay. Um, good morning.

#3

⇓

I'm here to kick off

#4

⇓

What?

#7

⇓

is becoming so Earth-smart

#11

⇓

to Envirodale.

#13

⇓

But we were already

#14

⇓

called Greendale.

#15

⇓

[MAN LAUGHS]

#16

⇓

MAN: Yeah.

#18

⇓

by a certain band

#21

⇓

called Green Day.

#22

⇓

[STUDENTS APPLAUDING

#23

⇓

AND CHATTERING]

#24

⇓

That make you happy?

#25

⇓

No, not really.

#26

⇓

[WHISPERING]

#27

⇓

We printed 5000.

#29

⇓

Well, print 5000 more.

#30

⇓

I'm trying

#31

⇓

to save a planet here.

#32

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#33

⇓

Pencils down.

#34

⇓

[PENCIL SCRIBBLING]

#35

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#36

⇓

Annie.

#37

⇓

[CHANG CLEARS THROAT]

#38

⇓

I wasn't--

#39

⇓

I want you all

#40

⇓

to write a one-page essay,

#41

⇓

in Español

#42

⇓

to write it?

#45

⇓

Okay, two pages, entitled:

#46

⇓

"The Consequences

#47

⇓

of Questioning Authority."

#48

⇓

This is Spanish 101.

#49

⇓

I know how to say "hello",

#50

⇓

That's the only Spanish

#52

⇓

you taught us.

#53

⇓

[STUDENTS WHINING]

#55

⇓

Guys, put your hands down.

#56

⇓

We respect your authority.

#58

⇓

Thank you, Britta.

#59

⇓

Due on Monday.

#61

⇓

This Monday?

#62

⇓

[THE 88'S

#63

⇓

♪ I can't count the reasons

#65

⇓

I should stay ♪

#66

⇓

If Señor Chang

#67

⇓

gets any crazier,

#68

⇓

he's gonna win

#69

⇓

[LAUGHING]

#71

⇓

to the dean.

#73

⇓

I got a presentation

#78

⇓

the nervous sweats.

#81

⇓

I can help you with that.

#82

⇓

I accept.

#83

⇓

things are.

#85

⇓

Well, we're screwed too.

#86

⇓

We're three days behind

#87

⇓

on a Biology lab.

#88

⇓

is Troy's afraid of--

#90

⇓

I'm not afraid, Abed.

#91

⇓

because they are unpopular.

#93

⇓

Same goes

#94

⇓

for centipedes and lakes.

#95

⇓

There's only one solution.

#96

⇓

Someone has to go to Chang

#97

⇓

and talk to him.

#98

⇓

I vote we all look at Jeff

#99

⇓

at the same time.

#100

⇓

In a way,

#101

⇓

all of you are right.

#102

⇓

What was I tuning out?

#103

⇓

You have to get Chang

#104

⇓

to call off this homework.

#105

⇓

the one

#106

⇓

with the silver tongue.

#107

⇓

Yeah, go tongue Chang.

#108

⇓

What makes you think

#109

⇓

I could convince Chang

#110

⇓

not to make me do it?

#112

⇓

You want me to risk the C

#117

⇓

that I'm pulling

#118

⇓

in that psycho's class

#119

⇓

he's gonna win a Grammy.

#122

⇓

[ALL LAUGH]

#123

⇓

That's very funny.

#125

⇓

What is it, the chair?

#126

⇓

How do you think you're

#127

⇓

gonna keep pulling a C

#128

⇓

if he keeps assigning

#129

⇓

this much work?

#130

⇓

Because I have you guys.

#131

⇓

Well, guess what,

#132

⇓

handsome hobo?

#133

⇓

Your gravy train's

#134

⇓

leaving the station.

#135

⇓

[IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING]

#136

⇓

We are serious.

#138

⇓

Fine, I'll do it.

#139

⇓

But when you find my body,

#140

⇓

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING

#142

⇓

ON COMPUTER]

#143

⇓

in me.

#145

⇓

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

#146

⇓

Oh, wow.

#148

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#149

⇓

We're Greene Daeye.

#151

⇓

Okay. Oh.

#152

⇓

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

#153

⇓

CHANG:

#154

⇓

What do you want, Winger?

#155

⇓

on behalf of the class?

#157

⇓

Can I ask you a personal

#158

⇓

question, Señor Chang?

#159

⇓

Okay, Freud.

#160

⇓

Sure, you try to penetrate

#161

⇓

Holy--

#164

⇓

Well, when you pick juries,

#166

⇓

you learn to read

#167

⇓

the little stuff.

#168

⇓

Same shirt twice in one week.

#169

⇓

Teaching us the word esposa

#170

⇓

means "liar."

#171

⇓

A picture of you with a woman

#172

⇓

with a Post-it note

#173

⇓

dialogue balloon

#174

⇓

above her head that says,

#175

⇓

"Enjoy it while it lasts."

#176

⇓

And, um,

#178

⇓

You get a job--

#181

⇓

You stop salsa dancing.

#182

⇓

Of course I know.

#183

⇓

Winger.

#185

⇓

Yeah.

#187

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#190

⇓

Pickled bull testicle?

#192

⇓

Uh, are you offering

#193

⇓

or collecting?

#194

⇓

♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪

#195

⇓

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#199

⇓

Troy, sing.

#200

⇓

to respond to a song.

#202

⇓

Yeah.

#203

⇓

Hm?

#206

⇓

BOTH:

#207

⇓

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#208

⇓

He did it. Good boy, Fievel.

#210

⇓

Commencing reward.

#211

⇓

I have to open the cage.

#212

⇓

I'm not afraid!

#214

⇓

[SQUEALING]

#215

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[SCREAMING]

#216

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[STUDENTS LAUGHING]

#217

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Fievel.

#218

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Everybody, shut up.

#219

⇓

I'll kick all your asses,

#220

⇓

but you all have

#221

⇓

to come up here.

#222

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[LAUGHS]

#223

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Dude, you are gonna be fine.

#224

⇓

You just have to move on.

#225

⇓

And if you hang out with me

#226

⇓

sometime,

#227

⇓

you will see how great

#228

⇓

single life can be.

#229

⇓

Yeah.

#231

⇓

What about tonight?

#232

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Absolutely.

#233

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Oh, shoot.

#234

⇓

My Spanish study group

#235

⇓

has to get together

#236

⇓

every night now.

#237

⇓

have it with this homework.

#239

⇓

Yeah.

#241

⇓

Jeff, essay cancelled.

#243

⇓

Fantastic.

#245

⇓

That is fantastic.

#246

⇓

Everybody will be so happy.

#247

⇓

Oh-oh-oh.

#248

⇓

You're the one

#251

⇓

Right. Yeah.

#253

⇓

in an unenviable,

#255

⇓

and wanna be--

#257

⇓

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

#260

⇓

Is there a rat in here?

#261

⇓

I have no idea

#262

⇓

what you're talking about.

#263

⇓

El Tigre.

#265

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#266

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#267

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Yeah, but it didn't do

#269

⇓

any good.

#270

⇓

My head still hurts

#271

⇓

from the yelling.

#272

⇓

My pupils

#273

⇓

are more sensitive to light

#274

⇓

because he yelled at me

#275

⇓

so much.

#276

⇓

Oh, well, now I feel bad

#277

⇓

that we made you do that.

#278

⇓

Maybe we can help

#279

⇓

with your essay.

#280

⇓

Oh, that's okay.

#281

⇓

You could do my homework

#283

⇓

next time.

#284

⇓

See you in class.

#285

⇓

He's hiding something.

#286

⇓

Damn.

#291

⇓

Here comes Abed.

#292

⇓

He needs my help.

#293

⇓

I gotta get out of here.

#294

⇓

and he escaped.

#297

⇓

Oh, Abed, I'm sorry.

#298

⇓

He probably found more rats

#299

⇓

and is very happy

#300

⇓

living with them.

#301

⇓

in reality, Britta.

#303

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#304

⇓

I believe that, uh,

#305

⇓

fusing brownies

#306

⇓

with the, uh, Internet

#307

⇓

is going to create

#308

⇓

Yawn!

#310

⇓

No.

#312

⇓

You might consider

#317

⇓

a darker top.

#318

⇓

Oh, and don't--

#320

⇓

Don't lock your knees.

#321

⇓

Never lock your knees.

#322

⇓

You know what happens

#323

⇓

when you lock your knees?

#324

⇓

Oh.

#326

⇓

Second, when you wanna

#327

⇓

drive home a point,

#328

⇓

hand them a sandwich.

#329

⇓

Try it.

#330

⇓

Hand them a sandwich. See?

#331

⇓

Yeah.

#333

⇓

Except that you're--

#334

⇓

You just dropped

#335

⇓

the sandwich

#336

⇓

as opposed

#337

⇓

to handing it to them.

#338

⇓

Right. Yeah.

#340

⇓

Try attention-grabbing words

#341

⇓

to wake up the audience,

#342

⇓

such as: multiple orgasm.

#343

⇓

Whatever.

#347

⇓

Yeah, and about

#348

⇓

I mean,

#350

⇓

from somebody

#352

⇓

Okay. Ahem.

#356

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Uh!

#358

⇓

Um!

#360

⇓

These brownies are delicious.

#361

⇓

Like.

#363

⇓

Whatever, valley girl.

#365

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[♪♪♪]

#366

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and tu

#368

⇓

is a matter of formality.

#369

⇓

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#370

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You are old.

#371

⇓

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#372

⇓

You are ugly.

#373

⇓

No, you're not.

#374

⇓

Shakira.

#375

⇓

Shakira.

#376

⇓

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#377

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Westside!

#378

⇓

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#379

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You are dirty.

#380

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And on another subject,

#385

⇓

on your essays.

#387

⇓

Oh, no.

#389

⇓

Jeff already turned

#390

⇓

in his essay.

#391

⇓

Thanks.

#393

⇓

As soon as you turn in

#395

⇓

your essays on Monday,

#396

⇓

so study hard.

#398

⇓

Class dismissed.

#399

⇓

Dude.

#401

⇓

That was crazy.

#403

⇓

it gets crazy.

#405

⇓

Dude, let's do it again.

#407

⇓

Yeah, I want to,

#408

⇓

Well, how about this:

#411

⇓

Bling. A-plus.

#412

⇓

Nice work, Winger.

#413

⇓

[JEFF & CHANG LAUGHING]

#416

⇓

Cherry daiquiri.

#418

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#419

⇓

Uh-huh, later.

#420

⇓

fabric and hair product.

#422

⇓

All right,

#427

⇓

dial it back a little.

#428

⇓

If anyone should be

#429

⇓

disappointed, it's me.

#430

⇓

What kind of group

#431

⇓

unless he helps them?

#433

⇓

What kind of a person

#434

⇓

Yeah.

#437

⇓

I don't like

#439

⇓

being talked to that way.

#440

⇓

He's using fake outrage

#441

⇓

to justify leaving.

#442

⇓

Yeah, that's it,

#444

⇓

I'm out of here.

#445

⇓

That's what you guys want.

#448

⇓

seven times.

#450

⇓

Don't answer your phones

#451

⇓

and bury all your money

#452

⇓

in the backyard.

#453

⇓

Let's see,

#456

⇓

"I took a computer class

#457

⇓

at Tienda De Manzana,"

#458

⇓

the Apple Store.

#459

⇓

Keep going.

#461

⇓

"And the saleswoman

#462

⇓

had manzanas gigantes."

#463

⇓

Seven times, seven different

#466

⇓

It's crazy.

#468

⇓

Come on, man. It--

#473

⇓

Come on. Don't do that.

#474

⇓

Yeah.

#476

⇓

No, no, no,

#479

⇓

it's fine, it's just--

#480

⇓

I'm dumb.

#482

⇓

What?

#488

⇓

I'll have

#491

⇓

to think of something.

#492

⇓

Let me rest gently

#493

⇓

on your pecs.

#494

⇓

That's mine.

#506

⇓

Thanks, Pierce.

#507

⇓

Okay.

#509

⇓

I was involved.

#511

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#512

⇓

Yeah.

#518

⇓

Dean says the exterminator

#519

⇓

is coming

#520

⇓

because of our rat.

#521

⇓

I'd like to exterminate

#522

⇓

this conversation.

#523

⇓

He's sitting in Jeff's chair,

#525

⇓

so he's trying

#526

⇓

to act like Jeff.

#527

⇓

ALL:

#528

⇓

Oh! Oh.

#529

⇓

Uh, e-mail.

#530

⇓

me because we are friends.

#532

⇓

Real friends help me

#534

⇓

I would face my fears

#536

⇓

to help you.

#537

⇓

Exactly.

#538

⇓

Am I?

#540

⇓

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#541

⇓

Abed.

#543

⇓

If he gets any nuttier,

#544

⇓

they'll put him on The View.

#545

⇓

[CHUCKLES]

#546

⇓

That works. Yeah.

#547

⇓

What are we gonna do?

#548

⇓

We're gonna study.

#549

⇓

Ah!

#550

⇓

Fievel?

#551

⇓

Fievel.

#552

⇓

Fievel?

#553

⇓

[WHISPERS] Fievel.

#555

⇓

Fievel.

#556

⇓

Woo-woo-woo.

#557

⇓

Okay, thank you.

#558

⇓

here at Greendale.

#560

⇓

And now for our band,

#561

⇓

Greene Daeye.

#562

⇓

They're not

#563

⇓

the real Green Day.

#564

⇓

Thought we should just rip

#565

⇓

Hey!

#568

⇓

Wanna hang out?

#570

⇓

I will fail you.

#572

⇓

Actually, I had an idea

#573

⇓

for an extra-credit project.

#574

⇓

our first song

#576

⇓

She said

#578

⇓

I didn't tell her

#580

⇓

you wanted to talk.

#581

⇓

of brownies has...

#583

⇓

I, uh-- Target group--"

#584

⇓

Ms. Bennett,

#585

⇓

I'm afraid I have to ask you

#586

⇓

to put down the cards.

#587

⇓

Uh... I-- Uh...

#590

⇓

[SQUEAKING]

#593

⇓

[BAND PLAYING

#594

⇓

UPBEAT CELTIC MUSIC]

#595

⇓

TROY:

#596

⇓

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#597

⇓

♪ Someone's saying a prayer ♪

#598

⇓

They are wonderful.

#599

⇓

We all love brownies.

#600

⇓

They're delicious.

#601

⇓

If you love brownies,

#602

⇓

you love life.

#603

⇓

ABED:

#604

⇓

♪ And even though I know ♪

#605

⇓

Orgasmically delicious.

#607

⇓

♪ Wishing on

#609

⇓

The same bright star ♪

#610

⇓

♪ It helps to think

#615

⇓

We're sleeping ♪

#616

⇓

[CHANG YELLS]

#618

⇓

BOTH:

#619

⇓

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#620

⇓

Here's Brownie!

#622

⇓

♪ Then we'll be together ♪

#623

⇓

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#624

⇓

♪ Out where dreams ♪

#625

⇓

♪ Come true ♪

#626

⇓

[SQUEAKING]

#627

⇓

God, he's on my leg!

#628

⇓

He's on my leg! Aah!

#629

⇓

[WHIMPERING]

#630

⇓

Disgusting.

#631

⇓

Thank you.

#632

⇓

He's getting a refill

#634

⇓

on his void.

#635

⇓

I got an A on my presentation

#636

⇓

to Pierce.

#638

⇓

And I had a great sandwich.

#639

⇓

It's true.

#642

⇓

I have something to say.

#643

⇓

And I've been

#645

⇓

a horrible teacher.

#646

⇓

Jeff Winger,

#648

⇓

for showing me that

#649

⇓

No more 20-page essays

#651

⇓

due on Monday.

#652

⇓

Thank you.

#654

⇓

Although, Winger,

#655

⇓

you should write

#656

⇓

a one-page essay called:

#657

⇓

"Taking Advantage

#658

⇓

Boo-yah.

#660

⇓

You did that for us?

#661

⇓

Mm. Kind of.

#662

⇓

You know, I thought

#663

⇓

was the worst way

#665

⇓

to pass Spanish.

#666

⇓

Well, we're the best.

#668

⇓

a handsome hobo.

#670

⇓

You go dance.

#678

⇓

I know your secret.

#680

⇓

I know about the chair.

#681

⇓

Whoa.

#682

⇓

What model did you get?

#683

⇓

The Devil's Drench XJ11.

#686

⇓

This is gonna be awesome.

#687

⇓

We should establish

#688

⇓

base camps.

#689

⇓

What part of library

#690

⇓

do you want?

#691

⇓

North east is closest

#692

⇓

All right, guys,

#694

⇓

Oh, ha-ha! Pierce,

#696

⇓

I hope that's the tiny gun

#697

⇓

that you throw at us

#698

⇓

to confuse us

#699

⇓

while you grab the giant gun

#700

⇓

taped to your back.

#701

⇓

Aah! Oh, it's pepper water!

#704

⇓

Oh, it's pep--

#705

⇓

Who puts pepper

#706

⇓

in water?

#707

⇓