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Season 1, Episode 7 — Introduction to Statistics
As you know,
#2
⇓
all faculty at Greendale
#3
⇓
are required to give
#4
⇓
extra credit
#5
⇓
to students who organize
#6
⇓
No student
#10
⇓
in any department
#11
⇓
until now.
#13
⇓
[CHUCKLES]
#14
⇓
Tonight, in the library,
#15
⇓
I will be hosting
#16
⇓
Día de los Muertos,
#19
⇓
or Day of the Dead,
#20
⇓
is sometimes referred to
#21
⇓
as Mexican Halloween.
#22
⇓
to people
#24
⇓
as a sexual position.
#26
⇓
you get extra credit.
#28
⇓
See you tonight.
#30
⇓
[ALL SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
#32
⇓
Um...
#33
⇓
Most of you responded
#34
⇓
to my e-vite,
#35
⇓
but some of you
#36
⇓
remain evasive, so...
#37
⇓
Count me in.
#38
⇓
I got some tequila,
#40
⇓
the Rise of Taj, and look.
#42
⇓
My husband's been gone
#44
⇓
for six months.
#45
⇓
I think it's time for me
#46
⇓
to embrace being single.
#47
⇓
Message received.
#48
⇓
I'm waiting to hear
#49
⇓
from Jeff and Pierce.
#50
⇓
Access e-mail.
#53
⇓
You're not going
#54
⇓
to Annie's party?
#55
⇓
Oh, it conflicts
#56
⇓
It's like I'm my mother.
#60
⇓
VOICE [ON PHONE]:
#61
⇓
Calling mother.
#62
⇓
What?
#63
⇓
Speaking of enjoying life,
#64
⇓
I don't wanna beat
#65
⇓
a dead horse,
#66
⇓
anything non-platonic
#68
⇓
I'm sure.
#70
⇓
Good. One of my professors
#71
⇓
is really hot.
#72
⇓
And I wanted to give you
#73
⇓
first right of refusal.
#74
⇓
WOMAN [OVER SPEAKERPHONE]:
#75
⇓
Hello? Pierce?
#76
⇓
How's school going?
#78
⇓
Are you popular?
#79
⇓
right now.
#81
⇓
[STAMMERING]
#82
⇓
Wrong number.
#83
⇓
Has that boy Jeff
#84
⇓
stopped teasing you?
#85
⇓
[THUDDING]
#87
⇓
I saw your father's ghost
#88
⇓
again.
#89
⇓
He's still angry.
#90
⇓
PLAYING]
#92
⇓
♪ Give me some more
#93
⇓
Time in a dream ♪
#94
⇓
♪ Give me the hope
#95
⇓
To run out of steam ♪
#96
⇓
♪ Somebody said
#97
⇓
It can be here ♪
#98
⇓
♪ We could be roped up
#99
⇓
Tied up dead in a year ♪
#100
⇓
♪ I can't count the reasons
#101
⇓
I should stay ♪
#102
⇓
♪ One by one they all
#103
⇓
Just fade away ♪
#104
⇓
The Bernoulli Distribution
#105
⇓
is the number of successes
#106
⇓
in a sequence of
#107
⇓
Okay. For the quiz, Monday
#109
⇓
Bernoulli's one of
#112
⇓
my favorites.
#113
⇓
were not his only love.
#115
⇓
used on meat and poultry.
#117
⇓
That's béarnaise.
#118
⇓
We may need to settle this
#119
⇓
at a restaurant.
#120
⇓
That's cute.
#121
⇓
A little aggressive.
#122
⇓
But as a busy,
#123
⇓
I'm attracted to men
#125
⇓
who take charge.
#126
⇓
Are you being sarcastic
#127
⇓
or am I nailing it?
#128
⇓
You were nailing it
#129
⇓
until you had to ask.
#130
⇓
Oh, damn it.
#131
⇓
Starting over.
#132
⇓
I'd like to, Mr. Winger.
#134
⇓
to know I'd never feel
#137
⇓
Thank you.
#139
⇓
Only problem,
#140
⇓
I don't date students.
#141
⇓
[♪♪♪]
#142
⇓
JEFF:
#143
⇓
Oh. Hey. Awkward.
#145
⇓
How small is this campus?
#146
⇓
Bastard.
#147
⇓
It's disgusting
#149
⇓
the way men behave.
#150
⇓
Heigl movie poster,
#152
⇓
where Gerard Butler
#153
⇓
I don't care what Jeff does.
#157
⇓
I'm barely a student.
#159
⇓
I'm older than you,
#160
⇓
I drive a Lexus.
#161
⇓
It's uncanny
#165
⇓
how many of my buttons
#166
⇓
you're finding,
#167
⇓
but I have a personal rule
#168
⇓
about this and I stick to it.
#169
⇓
I can change your mind.
#171
⇓
I know you can.
#172
⇓
That's why you're not
#173
⇓
getting the chance.
#174
⇓
Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo.
#175
⇓
Are you coming to my party?
#176
⇓
I'm definitely gonna try
#177
⇓
to swing by.
#178
⇓
Then I can mark you down
#179
⇓
as definitely being there
#180
⇓
from 7:00 sharp
#181
⇓
until question mark?
#182
⇓
do you understand?
#186
⇓
I am being assertive,
#187
⇓
Are you trying to get
#190
⇓
formidable with me?
#191
⇓
Infomercials work on Pierce.
#193
⇓
If you show up, it will be
#195
⇓
the first party I host
#196
⇓
where everyone doesn't say
#197
⇓
for the news.
#199
⇓
This won't work.
#201
⇓
The last time you did this,
#202
⇓
I saved a vial of your tears.
#203
⇓
And I've been slowly
#204
⇓
building up an immunity.
#205
⇓
I was so unpopular
#206
⇓
in high school,
#207
⇓
the crossing guard
#208
⇓
at being hip, cool,
#211
⇓
laid-back.
#212
⇓
Thank you.
#214
⇓
I'm putting you down
#215
⇓
for two bags of ice
#216
⇓
[♪♪♪]
#218
⇓
Taking a pill?
#219
⇓
"Xenolovaden."
#221
⇓
Fantastic.
#224
⇓
Heard stories about it.
#232
⇓
with no pants on,
#234
⇓
which in the Gaza Strip
#235
⇓
be careful.
#238
⇓
Look, I really don't need
#239
⇓
your advice,
#240
⇓
and I'm not your pantsless
#241
⇓
grandpa.
#242
⇓
"Pantsless grandpa."
#243
⇓
[LAUGHS]
#244
⇓
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING
#245
⇓
OVER SPEAKERS]
#246
⇓
ANNIE:
#247
⇓
Scary.
#248
⇓
You look great.
#249
⇓
Hi.
#250
⇓
Britta,
#251
⇓
Thank you.
#253
⇓
as an excuse
#255
⇓
to dress up like sluts,
#256
⇓
you know?
#257
⇓
Yeah.
#258
⇓
Okay, everyone.
#259
⇓
I think we can begin.
#260
⇓
I've got everyone's
#261
⇓
por tradición.
#263
⇓
And, in a few minutes
#264
⇓
we're going to start
#265
⇓
the Dance of the Dead,
#266
⇓
La Danza de los Muertos.
#267
⇓
You don't have to keep
#268
⇓
doing that.
#269
⇓
Party on.
#270
⇓
Nice of you to be here,
#271
⇓
with your hot professor.
#273
⇓
It's funny.
#274
⇓
CHANG:
#280
⇓
Professor Slater?
#281
⇓
She's not grading papers.
#282
⇓
Oh, look.
#284
⇓
Are you saying
#286
⇓
my people are sneaky?
#287
⇓
What?
#288
⇓
on the horizon.
#291
⇓
Hey. Can I ask you something
#295
⇓
I always wanted to ask
#296
⇓
Yeah.
#298
⇓
Am I good-looking?
#299
⇓
young man.
#301
⇓
I knew it.
#302
⇓
I am the Beastmaster.
#306
⇓
What rock
#308
⇓
What are you going as?
#310
⇓
A gay douche bag?
#311
⇓
Nice one.
#313
⇓
You're not much of
#315
⇓
Oh. Body blow.
#317
⇓
Is that liquor?
#318
⇓
[IN ENGLISH ACCENT]
#319
⇓
Hello.
#320
⇓
Here's your drinks, mates.
#321
⇓
JEFF:
#322
⇓
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
#324
⇓
I'm Harry Potter.
#325
⇓
What up, Urkel?
#327
⇓
[♪♪♪]
#328
⇓
[TOILET FLUSHES]
#329
⇓
Oh!
#331
⇓
All right.
#332
⇓
What are you taking?
#333
⇓
Huh? Oh.
#334
⇓
You know,
#335
⇓
the usual cool stuff.
#336
⇓
I've got 'ludes, dreamers,
#337
⇓
Johnny Boys.
#338
⇓
I don't know,
#341
⇓
Star-Burns, I'm--
#342
⇓
with the Beastmaster.
#344
⇓
Hey. Who said you weren't?
#345
⇓
Saddle up, fruit pie.
#346
⇓
May I?
#348
⇓
Here, take this.
#349
⇓
Give anyone that shows up
#350
⇓
their stupid credit.
#351
⇓
Make me your plus one.
#353
⇓
Give it up, Winger.
#354
⇓
Professor Slater
#355
⇓
doesn't date students.
#356
⇓
Or married Asians
#357
⇓
who drive mopeds.
#358
⇓
I'll give you 20 bucks.
#359
⇓
I'll bring the hog around.
#360
⇓
Okay, it's time
#361
⇓
for the Dance of the Dead.
#362
⇓
Everyone form a circle.
#363
⇓
Lights. Music.
#364
⇓
Is it under genre
#365
⇓
Hey, man,
#367
⇓
What did you slip me, man?
#371
⇓
My heart stopped racing
#372
⇓
and I can't pee.
#373
⇓
Now, for the first dance,
#374
⇓
Jeff Winger?
#377
⇓
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING
#378
⇓
OVER SPEAKERS]
#379
⇓
Jeff?
#380
⇓
Where's Jeff?
#381
⇓
Please slow down.
#382
⇓
JEFF:
#385
⇓
Watch it!
#386
⇓
Is Jeff gone?
#387
⇓
You know, I'm gonna go.
#388
⇓
News.
#390
⇓
He just stepped out.
#391
⇓
He's going to
#393
⇓
the faculty party.
#394
⇓
No, it's not about her,
#397
⇓
Shirley.
#398
⇓
I can't believe that Jeff
#399
⇓
would do this to Annie.
#400
⇓
Yes, absolutely,
#401
⇓
it's about Annie.
#402
⇓
We should go find
#403
⇓
that bitch's car
#404
⇓
and snap off her antenna.
#405
⇓
It's like high school
#406
⇓
all over again.
#407
⇓
Everyone's leaving.
#408
⇓
Not me.
#409
⇓
I love you.
#411
⇓
[CHATTERING]
#412
⇓
[BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYING
#413
⇓
OVER SPEAKERS]
#414
⇓
What are you doing here?
#416
⇓
I have to admit,
#418
⇓
I may or may not
#420
⇓
have been deflowered
#421
⇓
by a junior rodeo champion.
#422
⇓
You remind me
#423
⇓
of my first time too.
#424
⇓
You lost your virginity
#425
⇓
to Robin Hood?
#426
⇓
at a party.
#428
⇓
We seem destined
#429
⇓
to repeat history.
#430
⇓
I told you, no students.
#431
⇓
It's unseemly.
#432
⇓
I go out with you,
#433
⇓
you tell your friends.
#434
⇓
What friends?
#435
⇓
I have no friends.
#436
⇓
I hate everyone here
#437
⇓
but you.
#438
⇓
What are you doing here?
#440
⇓
You should be over
#442
⇓
at the library with Annie.
#443
⇓
a costume guy.
#446
⇓
Had to have one to get in,
#447
⇓
squirrel.
#448
⇓
I don't know
#452
⇓
what you're getting at.
#453
⇓
And it is tight too.
#456
⇓
I'd say yes.
#459
⇓
Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD.
#460
⇓
Britta Perry, GED.
#461
⇓
Oh, are you a classmate
#462
⇓
of Jeff's?
#463
⇓
When you say classmate,
#464
⇓
it sounds like
#465
⇓
we take naps together
#466
⇓
and eat paste.
#467
⇓
What's great about
#468
⇓
community college is
#469
⇓
is that a lot of the students
#470
⇓
Jeff, you must return
#472
⇓
to Annie's party.
#473
⇓
She's feeling unpopular.
#474
⇓
and he is tripping balls.
#476
⇓
He's touching people
#477
⇓
and dancing weird.
#478
⇓
It's like Grumpy Old Men,
#479
⇓
but not hilarious.
#480
⇓
You're all being unseemly.
#483
⇓
Why is Urkel ripping
#486
⇓
the antenna
#487
⇓
off Professor Slater's car?
#488
⇓
[CROWD GASPS]
#489
⇓
That's right,
#490
⇓
you steal Jeff
#493
⇓
from a good woman.
#494
⇓
[CROWD GASPS]
#495
⇓
No, Abed.
#496
⇓
[LAUGHING]
#497
⇓
[PIERCE MUMBLING
#498
⇓
INDISTINCTLY]
#499
⇓
[MEOWING]
#500
⇓
Yeah.
#502
⇓
Enough.
#503
⇓
Abed, you're not Batman.
#507
⇓
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce.
#508
⇓
Studies department.
#510
⇓
I'm old?
#512
⇓
What do you mean old?
#513
⇓
Whose hands are these?
#514
⇓
[GROANING]
#515
⇓
Way to go.
#517
⇓
She's pretty hot.
#521
⇓
Well, where were we,
#522
⇓
little doggie?
#523
⇓
Yeah, crap.
#525
⇓
[THUDDING
#526
⇓
AND GLASS BREAKING]
#527
⇓
BRITTA:
#528
⇓
Shirley?
#529
⇓
[GRUNTING]
#530
⇓
Shirley?
#531
⇓
This is Professor
#532
⇓
Robin Hood's office.
#533
⇓
Why?
#537
⇓
To teach that long neck,
#538
⇓
weave-having bank teller
#539
⇓
she can't steal another
#540
⇓
woman's man, that's why.
#541
⇓
Uh...
#542
⇓
I have a confession to make.
#543
⇓
I think some
#544
⇓
of what I just said
#545
⇓
may have more to do
#546
⇓
with my situation.
#547
⇓
Yeah, the long neck,
#548
⇓
weave-having bank teller
#549
⇓
didn't feel universal.
#550
⇓
My ex-husband
#551
⇓
came by this morning,
#552
⇓
and he asked
#553
⇓
for his ring back.
#554
⇓
It was his mother's,
#555
⇓
and he wants to give it
#556
⇓
to his new girlfriend.
#557
⇓
Shirley, that sucks.
#558
⇓
The best thing that ever
#559
⇓
I just always thought
#561
⇓
he'd come crawling back,
#562
⇓
and I'd get to tell him
#563
⇓
to go to hell.
#564
⇓
[CRYING]
#565
⇓
He couldn't even
#566
⇓
give me that.
#567
⇓
You know what the crazy
#568
⇓
thing is?
#569
⇓
It's like I was too proud
#571
⇓
to admit I was hurt,
#572
⇓
so I had to pretend
#573
⇓
that you were.
#574
⇓
I totally get that.
#575
⇓
I feel better now.
#576
⇓
Let's go check on Annie.
#577
⇓
Can you believe
#578
⇓
I bet she's nice.
#581
⇓
BRITTA:
#582
⇓
Yeah.
#583
⇓
Nice and pretentious.
#584
⇓
[DISTORTED FOLK MUSIC
#585
⇓
PLAYING]
#586
⇓
Pierce, are you okay?
#587
⇓
[LAUGHING
#588
⇓
IN DISTORTED VOICE]
#589
⇓
Hey, man, what's going on?
#590
⇓
Just relax. Relax, man.
#592
⇓
Just relax, okay?
#593
⇓
JEFF:
#594
⇓
You're going to die.
#597
⇓
JEFF:
#598
⇓
Tell me about The Beatles,
#600
⇓
Pierce.
#601
⇓
Tell me about Woodstock
#602
⇓
and sputnik, Pierce.
#603
⇓
[YELLS]
#604
⇓
[LAUGHING]
#605
⇓
[CRYING]
#606
⇓
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING
#607
⇓
OVER SPEAKERS]
#608
⇓
Do I feel a breeze here?
#609
⇓
Because someone
#610
⇓
just struck out.
#611
⇓
Chang.
#613
⇓
Is that what you have
#614
⇓
to fall back on?
#615
⇓
Look at me, bro.
#616
⇓
Look at me.
#617
⇓
I've got the body
#618
⇓
of a fifth grader, okay?
#619
⇓
If I was working
#620
⇓
with what you've got,
#621
⇓
she'd be at the Comfort Inn
#622
⇓
right now
#623
⇓
giving me
#624
⇓
a Mexican Halloween.
#625
⇓
It's this campus.
#626
⇓
It feeds on my coolness.
#627
⇓
I got no moves anymore.
#628
⇓
Moves?
#629
⇓
Everything's a game
#630
⇓
to guys like you.
#631
⇓
I know one move I bet
#632
⇓
What is it?
#634
⇓
Please sleep with me.
#635
⇓
Please.
#636
⇓
Pretty please.
#637
⇓
I'm so lonely.
#638
⇓
I haven't slept with anyone
#639
⇓
in a very long time,
#640
⇓
and you're so good-looking.
#641
⇓
Please do me the favor
#642
⇓
of having sex with me.
#643
⇓
and promise
#645
⇓
I promise. I promise.
#647
⇓
Everybody stay out
#649
⇓
of the library.
#650
⇓
Pierce, it's okay.
#651
⇓
Come out of there.
#652
⇓
PIERCE:
#653
⇓
No, I'm not ready to die.
#654
⇓
You're not gonna die.
#656
⇓
Look at me.
#657
⇓
Just keep walking.
#658
⇓
Don't make eye contact.
#659
⇓
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
#660
⇓
Pierce is freaking out.
#661
⇓
You're the only one
#662
⇓
that can help.
#663
⇓
PIERCE: Is Jeff there?
#665
⇓
I can't believe
#671
⇓
I'm doing this.
#672
⇓
I, uh...
#673
⇓
good night.
#675
⇓
guardian for these people?
#677
⇓
No. Um...
#678
⇓
They're my classmates.
#679
⇓
Good night, Jeff.
#680
⇓
CHANG:
#681
⇓
Loser!
#682
⇓
[♪♪♪]
#683
⇓
What in the Pink Floyd?
#684
⇓
Is that a death
#688
⇓
befitting a beastmaster?
#689
⇓
I never saw Beastmaster,
#691
⇓
I just wanted to be cool.
#692
⇓
[♪♪♪]
#694
⇓
we get what we pay for,
#701
⇓
don't we?
#702
⇓
I'm old, Jeff.
#703
⇓
Pierce, I don't know how
#704
⇓
but I know
#706
⇓
in the last two months,
#707
⇓
you've probably doubled
#708
⇓
the national average
#709
⇓
for amount of life lived
#710
⇓
per lifetime.
#711
⇓
Well, I do have a young
#712
⇓
African-American friend.
#713
⇓
Yeah, and more importantly,
#714
⇓
in a desk fort that you built
#716
⇓
during a bad trip.
#717
⇓
If life is just a series
#718
⇓
of ridiculous attempts
#719
⇓
to be alive,
#720
⇓
you're a hero to everything
#721
⇓
that's ever lived.
#722
⇓
Yeah.
#724
⇓
Yeah.
#725
⇓
[RUMBLING]
#726
⇓
[ALL GASP]
#727
⇓
[♪♪♪]
#728
⇓
Batman?
#729
⇓
Yeah.
#731
⇓
Are you staying
#732
⇓
for the party?
#733
⇓
If I stay,
#734
⇓
I must be out there
#736
⇓
in the night,
#737
⇓
staying vigilant.
#738
⇓
Wherever a party needs
#739
⇓
to be saved, I'm there.
#740
⇓
Wherever there are masks,
#741
⇓
wherever there's tomfoolery
#742
⇓
and joy,
#743
⇓
I'm there.
#744
⇓
But sometimes I'm not
#745
⇓
staying vigilant, watching.
#747
⇓
Lurking, running, jumping,
#748
⇓
hurdling, sleeping.
#749
⇓
No, I can't sleep.
#750
⇓
You sleep. I'm awake.
#751
⇓
Am I a bird? No.
#753
⇓
I'm a bat.
#754
⇓
I am Batman.
#755
⇓
Or am I?
#756
⇓
Yes, I am Batman.
#757
⇓
Happy Halloween.
#758
⇓
[IMITATING YODA]
#759
⇓
I'm Batman.
#760
⇓
[IN DEEP VOICE] I'm Batman.
#762
⇓
[IN DEEP VOICE]
#763
⇓
That's Batman.
#764
⇓
Candy corn
#765
⇓
Yeah, it sure does.
#767
⇓
At, like, a candy
#768
⇓
traffic school.
#769
⇓
Look out.
#772
⇓
We driving.
#773
⇓
Yeah, but you keep wanting
#774
⇓
to eat yourself.
#775
⇓
All day.
#776
⇓
What is?
#778
⇓
If I ever, like,
#779
⇓
woke up as a doughnut.
#780
⇓
You would eat yourself.
#781
⇓
Mm. That would be tasty.
#783
⇓
Yeah.
#786
⇓
Yeah.
#787
⇓
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