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Home » Community » S01E06 — Football, Feminism and You

Community

Season 1, Episode 6 — Football, Feminism and You

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Community

Episode title: Football, Feminism and You

Air date: October 22, 2009

Director: Joe Russo

Top billed cast: Joel McHale, Gillian Jacobs, Alison Brie, Donald Glover, Yvette Nicole Brown, Danny Pudi

Annie's dream of being the ex-football star's girlfriend is in jeopardy when Jeff is blackmailed into getting Troy to join Greendale's football team.

Source: TMDB

↓

A small, fading remnant

fading

↓

of a star.

star

↓

That's right.

↓

Dwarves hate

hate

↓

And what does a star turn

star

↓

into after it collapses?

collapses

↓

A movie of the week.

movie week

↓

Right.

↓

Troy,

troy

↓

you could be an astronomer.

↓

worth studying.

studying worth

↓

It's called Sagittarius A.

called

↓

It's located in the center

center located

↓

of our galaxy,

galaxy

↓

and it has the density

↓

of 40 suns.

suns

↓

Poo-poo head.

head

↓

Hi, everybody. Ha, ha.

everybody

↓

Well, look at this group.

group

↓

and being so diverse.

diverse

↓

There is just-- Boy--

↓

There is just one of

↓

Uh, Pierce, that's the dean.

dean pierce

↓

You kidding?

kidding

↓

Sorry. Just my luck.

luck

↓

Don't let me interrupt.

interrupt

↓

Sometimes,

sometimes

↓

I just roll around campus

campus roll

↓

like a little football.

football

↓

I can't believe this.

believe

↓

Here I am in a random

random

↓

star quarterback

quarterback star

↓

has a football team?

football football-team team

↓

Did you know

↓

they had a football?

football

↓

Ah. Heh. Good.

↓

That's very funny.

funny

↓

Troy, I was so sorry to hear

troy

↓

about your injury,

injury

↓

but now

↓

that you have recovered,

recovered

↓

we would love for you to play

love

↓

for the Human Beings.

beings human human-beings

↓

The team's name

name teams

↓

is the Human Beings?

beings human human-beings

↓

Grizzlies, but I thought--

↓

A lot of these students

students

↓

have been called animals.

animals called

↓

in image management,

image management

↓

Ooh. Well,

↓

aren't you found money.

found money

↓

Troy, all of your friends

friends troy

↓

are lining up

lining

↓

to turn Greendale around.

greendale

↓

How about you?

↓

in football.

football

↓

Getting injured was the best

best injured

↓

thing that ever happened.

happened

↓

Whoa. Yoko Ono much?

whoa yoko

↓

[DEAN LAUGHING]

dean laughing

↓

Bros before ho's, Troy.

bros troy

↓

Dean, I'm sure Troy

dean troy

↓

will sign up for football,

football sign

↓

if and when

↓

some accident damages

accident damages

↓

the part of his brain

brain part

↓

that feels pride.

feels pride

↓

Until then, excuse us.

excuse

↓

If you change your mind,

change mind

↓

the field is always open.

field open

↓

Figuratively speaking.

speaking

↓

Wednesdays and Sundays

sundays wednesdays

↓

for the megachurch. Okay.

↓

Now let's meet

meet

↓

the minimum requirements

minimum

↓

for a language credit.

credit language

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

What? She's offended?

offended

↓

Girls go in groups.

girls groups

↓

Did you learn nothing

learn

↓

I'll go next time.

↓

mainstream feminine stuff.

feminine mainstream stuff

↓

Then you should know

↓

nothing says,

↓

"I'm a woman"

woman

↓

like doing it with me.

↓

Nothing says,

↓

Will they or won't they?

↓

Sexual tension.

sexual tension

↓

It makes the group

group makes

↓

That's sort of my gimmick.

↓

But we did lean

lean

↓

[THE 88'S "AT LEAST

least

↓

IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]

playing

↓

♪ I can't count

count

↓

The reasons I should stay ♪

reasons

↓

JEFF:

jeff

↓

on the team?

team

↓

It looks like

↓

they won something once.

↓

"Most Valued Customer,

customer

↓

Henderson Trophy Cases."

cases henderson trophy

↓

So we should still study

study

↓

or some Mars bars.

bars mars

↓

Or pancakes.

pancakes

↓

JEFF:

jeff

↓

"I'm Jeff and I'm a student

jeff student

↓

at Greendale"?

greendale

↓

Well, that's not good.

↓

WOMAN:

woman

↓

because it reacts

reacts

↓

spontaneously to--

spontaneously

↓

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

cell cell-phone cell-phone-ringing phone phone-ringing ringing

↓

Seriously.

↓

We've talked about this.

talked

↓

your cell ph--

cell

↓

That's mine. My bad.

↓

[WHISPERING]

whispering

↓

I'm going to the bathroom.

bathroom

↓

Well, yes. Yes, I would.

↓

Oh, that's nice.

↓

Okay, what's it called?

called

↓

Antoni--? Hold on.

↓

Does anybody have a pen?

anybody

↓

A pen?

↓

No one has a pen.

↓

to class?

class

↓

Ha-ha-ha.

↓

loser swooped in.

loser

↓

I couldn't believe it.

believe

↓

BRITTA:

britta

↓

Maybe he didn't see you.

↓

on too.

↓

Maybe.

↓

BRITTA:

britta

↓

Yeah. Whatever.

↓

My mom

↓

might visit this weekend.

might visit weekend

↓

She and I are gonna

↓

get makeovers--

↓

Makeovers. They sure

↓

Something

↓

I thought might be fun.

fun might

↓

might be fun.

fun might

↓

Let's find the number of

number

↓

It's zero.

zero

↓

Thanks for offering

offering thanks

↓

Heh. That's no problem.

problem

↓

I took the liberty

liberty

↓

of thumbnailing a prototype,

prototype

↓

uh, which I modeled

modeled

↓

The penis is a little small.

penis

↓

Oh, okay.

↓

you know,

↓

what message are we sending?

message sending

↓

Our symbol needs

needs symbol

↓

the diversity of our school

diversity school

↓

So black?

black

↓

No, because we're not

↓

the Greendale Blacks

blacks greendale

↓

or the Greendale Asians,

asians greendale

↓

we are

↓

the Greendale Human Beings.

beings greendale human human-beings

↓

Yeah.

↓

Uh-- Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

[GASPS]

gasps

↓

Whoa-oh.

whoa

↓

Ah. Good, a pencil.

pencil

↓

Oh, well,

↓

you're a very photogenic man.

↓

Is that real bed head,

head real

↓

or do you put something

↓

in there? Can I?

↓

and I thought,

↓

The soul?

soul

↓

poster design?"

design poster

↓

Those were

↓

less than personable.

less

↓

Which is why I went

↓

with the full bodies

bodies full

↓

in these mailers

↓

we have going out.

↓

Ta-ta-ta.

↓

Did you not read

read

↓

the release agreement

agreement release

↓

on the back

↓

of your registration?

registration

↓

I'm starting to see why

starting

↓

someone used to be a lawyer.

lawyer used

↓

Look, if someone

↓

at a community college,

college community community-college

↓

Oh.

↓

Goodness. Look what

goodness

↓

we have stumbled onto.

stumbled

↓

An opportunity to help

opportunity

↓

each other out.

↓

I suppose I wouldn't need

suppose

↓

this promotional campaign

campaign

↓

if I could announce

announce

↓

to the press

press

↓

that Troy Barnes

barnes troy

↓

is playing football here.

football playing

↓

He's been pretty clear

clear

↓

If you said jump,

jump

↓

he'd say, "How high?"

↓

If you said stop,

↓

he'd say "Hammer time."

hammer

↓

You get what I mean? Hmm?

↓

You know,

↓

I didn't realize before,

realize

↓

but we should send those out

send

↓

to local businesses.

businesses local

↓

Law firms, lawyer companies,

companies lawyer

↓

legal gatherings.

legal

↓

I think so.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

Oh, hi, Abed.

abed

↓

Bye. He's just laying low.

laying

↓

to the bathroom?

bathroom

↓

You know what? I'm good.

↓

had to go number two.

number

↓

Okay, what's

↓

Ha-ha-ha.

↓

but it shows

shows

↓

Can I talk to you for a sec?

↓

The galaxy's

↓

not going anywhere.

↓

I'll bring him back.

bring

↓

JEFF:

jeff

↓

at something.

↓

TROY:

troy

↓

After the dean talked

dean talked

↓

to you about football,

football

↓

you and I were thinking

thinking

↓

the same thing.

↓

We were thinking,

thinking

↓

what if Troy did play?

troy

↓

You'd be surprised

surprised

↓

at how many of

↓

your favorite players

favorite players

↓

got started

started

↓

at community college.

college community community-college

↓

Really? Name one.

name

↓

Me. Whoa.

whoa

↓

Maybe you

↓

and I should go

↓

check out

check

↓

the Greendale Thunderdome.

greendale

↓

[IMITATES CROWD CHEERING]

cheering crowd crowd-cheering imitates

↓

The dome arrives later.

arrives dome

↓

It comes with thunder.

comes thunder

↓

about me.

↓

Every day,

↓

on my way to school,

school

↓

I drive through downtown,

downtown drive

↓

past the courthouse,

courthouse past

↓

just to get a glimpse

glimpse

↓

of the world I once ruled.

ruled world

↓

And I just wanna jump out

jump

↓

of my car,

↓

run up the steps and exploit

exploit steps

↓

the legal system for profit.

legal profit system

↓

But I can't. I'm locked out

locked

↓

of my old kingdom.

kingdom

↓

You're not.

↓

You see what I'm saying?

↓

You're saying

↓

I'm saying

↓

you're a football player.

football football-player player

↓

That's racist.

racist

↓

That's racist.

racist

↓

That's gay?

↓

That's black.

black

↓

Damn.

↓

When you played,

played

↓

you were a god.

↓

You're not playing

playing

↓

and you're not.

↓

I'd tell you do the math,

math

↓

but math isn't important.

math

↓

The only thing

↓

important is this.

↓

Annie said Benjamin Button

annie benjamin button

↓

was compelling.

compelling

↓

A smart girl, but

girl smart

↓

sometimes she's just wrong.

sometimes

↓

Eighty-five, go long.

eighty five

↓

It's like a drug, isn't it?

drug

↓

Feel it, Troy. Throw it!

throw troy

↓

The scoreboard lights up.

lights

↓

There will be

↓

a scoreboard there.

↓

It's complete. Nice catch.

catch complete

↓

The girls, the glory,

girls glory

↓

the scouts, the career.

career scouts

↓

It starts

starts

↓

when you join this team.

join team

↓

You can meet them later,

meet

↓

but this decision

decision

↓

has to be yours, T-Bone.

bone

↓

And this decision

decision

↓

has to be yes.

↓

How did you know

↓

You're a football player

football football-player player

↓

and your name begins with T.

begins name

↓

Your name begins with T.

begins name

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

Britta?

britta

↓

Oh, are you finished?

finished

↓

I have to go, but apparently,

apparently

↓

I failed yesterday's tryouts

failed tryouts yesterdays

↓

for the position

position

↓

of bathroom companion.

bathroom companion

↓

I wasn't trying

↓

You didn't hurt

hurt

↓

my feelings, Shirley.

feelings shirley

↓

I don't need to go

↓

with other people.

↓

I was just trying

↓

to throw you a bone

bone throw

↓

the stranger's side?

side strangers

↓

because we want makeovers.

↓

I even like that

↓

Women have always hated me.

hated women

↓

I don't even know

↓

how it started.

started

↓

Maybe it was when I got boobs

boobs

↓

before everybody--

everybody

↓

Shh.

↓

Whoo! Ha, ha.

whoo

↓

You dropped your books,

books dropped

↓

Poindexter. Heh-heh-heh.

↓

It's all right. I'm worth it.

worth

↓

♪ Riverside got the broom

broom

↓

Don't need a mop ♪

↓

♪ Put your team in a box

team

↓

A ribbon on top ♪

ribbon

↓

♪ Not John Kerry

john kerry

↓

We don't flip flop ♪

flip flip-flop flop

↓

♪ Say, ho ♪

↓

why are you doing

↓

been playing football?

football playing

↓

Threw the skin around.

skin threw

↓

I still got it.

↓

Uhn, uhn, uhn. Doosh! Uhn.

↓

But you knew we had

↓

Class blows.

blows class

↓

What I need to know

↓

about the universe

universe

↓

is I'm at the center

center

↓

of it.

↓

♪ Oh

↓

Bing, bong, sing along ♪

along bing bong sing sing-along

↓

♪ Your team's Al Gore

gore teams

↓

Your views are wrong ♪

views

↓

Don't become

become

↓

ignored the only people

ignored

↓

that liked him

liked

↓

because

↓

Jeff said you'd say that.

jeff

↓

Jeff-- What now?

jeff

↓

Troy. Troy, Troy, Troy.

troy

↓

That's my name.

name

↓

I think if we add in a little

↓

bit of Phylicia Rashad,

↓

Right.

↓

That beige is light.

beige light

↓

Um-- Wow.

↓

Yeah, yeah.

↓

We are developing

developing

↓

the perfect mascot.

mascot perfect

↓

No stereotypical identifiers

↓

from any race or gender.

gender race

↓

we're staying away from.

staying

↓

Pan-Asian eye folds, uh,

asian folds

↓

It goes from Seal

seal

↓

to Seal's teeth.

seals teeth

↓

JEFF:

jeff

↓

I think

↓

not being racist

racist

↓

is the new racism.

racism

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

Ooh, I left the nose

left nose

↓

in the kiln.

↓

Which means

↓

I'll be getting rid of these.

↓

I want him

↓

the new mascot

mascot

↓

and things are finally

finally

↓

Ooh. Ow.

↓

I'm gonna get

↓

some more coffee.

coffee

↓

A Desmond Tutu

desmond

↓

with enough cream to make

cream

↓

a Lou Diamond Phillips.

diamond phillips

↓

La Bamba. Got it.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

I've been following you.

following

↓

How much did the dean

dean

↓

pay you to make Troy play?

troy

↓

with someone

↓

Because I'm right?

↓

Because I'm not in

↓

of me.

↓

For that,

↓

you've convinced Troy

convinced troy

↓

to flush his life down

flush life

↓

football's toilet again?

toilet

↓

Britta's right. You are

↓

the most selfish person.

person selfish

↓

All that is gonna end now.

↓

I'm telling him what kind

telling

↓

of friend you are.

friend

↓

in love with him.

love

↓

High school

school

↓

to notice you.

notice

↓

or were you worried

worried

↓

what he wants,

wants

↓

Because, really,

↓

You're right.

↓

I could never be

↓

as good as you.

↓

Probably,

↓

because I actually care.

care

↓

Profound,

profound

↓

because it won't happen.

happen

↓

Yeah.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

[WHISPERS]:

whispers

↓

Damn it.

↓

to the bathroom with me?

bathroom

↓

But, uh,

↓

on ourselves for men?

↓

I don't know, sweetie.

sweetie

↓

Maybe it's because men

↓

make the world go around?

world

↓

Kleenex?

kleenex

↓

of the litter,

litter

↓

and I'll never

↓

Oh, Annie, screw him.

annie screw

↓

There are guys out there

↓

If Troy isn't one of them,

troy

↓

that's him failing

failing

↓

your standards. You got that?

standards

↓

You're right.

↓

I wouldn't want to.

↓

Britta.

britta

↓

Yes.

↓

[ALL GIGGLE]

giggle

↓

I did it. I did it.

↓

Oh, yes, you did.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

[CHANTING IN DISTANCE]

chanting distance

↓

Human Beings.

beings human human-beings

↓

Troy. Troy.

troy

↓

What?

↓

to get in high school.

school

↓

and depression

depression

↓

of that door.

door

↓

Is this your first

↓

pep rally or something?

rally

↓

You told me football was

football

↓

the most important thing.

↓

It's kind of my gimmick.

↓

No, let me.

↓

That keg flip

flip

↓

that cost me my scholarship?

cost scholarship

↓

What?

↓

There was a scout coming

coming scout

↓

to the final game,

final game

↓

and I couldn't take

↓

the pressure.

pressure

↓

So I took the easy way out.

easy

↓

When you showed me

showed

↓

that field,

field

↓

I saw there was nothing

↓

to worry about.

worry

↓

I could play football

football

↓

for fun.

fun

↓

Have you seen these guys?

seen

↓

Dude, we have feelings.

feelings

↓

I don't know about you,

↓

but I know I ended up here

ended

↓

because things

↓

weren't that great out there.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

Try accepting

accepting

↓

where you're at, man.

↓

Take a pottery class

class

↓

or something.

↓

Nancy Pelosi is no fun ♪

fun nancy

↓

[ANNOUNCER SPEAKS

announcer speaks

↓

INDISTINCTLY ON MIC]

indistinctly

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

Hey.

↓

Look, I'm, uh--

↓

Really?

↓

Hmm. Okay, maybe I was

↓

a little more wrong.

↓

I should grow up

grow

↓

It's not like Greendale

greendale

↓

is gonna kill me.

kill

↓

[SCREAMS]

screams

↓

for him to see.

↓

[MASCOT GRUNTING]

grunting mascot

↓

But take it from me,

↓

that's human for "hello."

human

↓

Let's get you

↓

into the pep rally.

rally

↓

We've solved racism.

racism solved

↓

What's next?

↓

Let's do something

↓

PIERCE:

pierce

↓

How about little albinos?

↓

Has the potential to be

potential

↓

♪ Please, please ♪

↓

♪ Please, do not go ♪

↓

♪ Please, please, please

↓

Do not go ♪

↓

Do not go ♪

↓

Here at Greendale.

greendale

↓

Greendale.

greendale

↓

BOTH:

↓

Say what?

↓

A few quick announcements.

announcements quick

↓

Number one.

number

↓

starting right now.

starting

↓

butt soup.

butt soup

↓

Announcement number three,

announcement number number-three three

↓

I am not Hadji

↓

On security, you gotta

security

↓

MAN:

↓

Hey.