Home » Hazbin Hotel » S01E02 — Radio Killed the Video Star

Hazbin Hotel

Season 1, Episode 2 — Radio Killed the Video Star

[title music]

#1

⇓

Nothing we can't handle.

#4

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[manically] Am I right? And next time,

#7

⇓

when they cut the time in half again and again,

#8

⇓

we'll just handle it, right?!

#9

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[Vaggie] Yes, we will.

#10

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Sure there is. We just have to look a little harder for it.

#14

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People are already freaking out about the news.

#16

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Look at what's happening in the Doomsday District.

#17

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Err, what is a "donkey show"?

#18

⇓

Aah, heh, nothing. My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news, too.

#19

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Like I said, everyone's losing their shit.

#20

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Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate.

#21

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Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?

#22

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[gasps] This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!

#23

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Cute idea and all, but you really going to go out in all of this?

#24

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Well, it's not like people are just going to show up on our doorstep.

#25

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-[explosion] -[screams]

#26

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[Sir Pentious dramatically] Show yourself, Alastor!

#27

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[epic music] Come and face--

#28

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Oh, there you are...

#29

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[shouts] Face my wrath!

#30

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Who are you?

#31

⇓

Who am I? Who am I?

#32

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I am the great Sir Pentious! Inventor, architect of destruction,

#33

⇓

villain extraordinaire!

#34

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Woo! You tell 'em, boss.

#35

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[Niffty gasps] Ooh, he's a bad boy.

#36

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Huh, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you.

#37

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I attacked you literally last week.

#38

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We've done battle, like... 20 times.

#39

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Well, you must have been really bad at this.

#40

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Silence! Now cower!

#41

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[hisses] For when I've slain you, the almighty Vees

#42

⇓

will finally acknowledge me as their equal!

#43

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[Niffty] Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?

#44

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Oh, nobody important.

#45

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[TV announcer] New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes.

#46

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Peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish.

#47

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VoxTek. Trust us with your money.

#48

⇓

This week's episode of "Yeah I Fucked Your Sister So What?"

#49

⇓

is brought to you by VoxTek.

#50

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Trust us with your entertainment.

#51

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VoxTek. Trust us.

#52

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Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us ...

#53

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[maniacal laughing] Now that's good television...

#54

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[electronic dance music]

#56

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Hello there, Velvette. How are you this hellish morning?

#57

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Oh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!

#58

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Whatever could be the problem my dear?

#59

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Your little boy toy is wrecking my department

#60

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while I ' m trying to pull together a show and--

#61

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[Valentino] Fucking bitch!

#62

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Just get your ass here. Now!

#63

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Dammit Valentino! [static]

#64

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[sighs] Oh god, here I go. Valentino.

#65

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Just another fuckin day with Val.

#66

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Hey, hey, hey. Fuck my life.

#67

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[lift crackles]

#68

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[clamoring] [reporters] Mr Vox! Mr Vox!

#69

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[reporter] Mr. Vox, question for you over here. Mr Vox

#70

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Mr. Vox. What are your thoughts on the new extermination deadline?

#71

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My dear people, we at VoxTek Enterprises have always been

#72

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at the forefront of innovation.

#73

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And now with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting our focus

#74

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to your protection.

#75

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We are pleased to announce VoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon.

#76

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Trust us with your safety. [chuckles]

#77

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Sir? Uh, when did we begin working on Angelic Security?

#78

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[Vox] 30 seconds ago. Try to get that bitch Carmilla on the books

#79

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and cancel all my appointments today.

#80

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I have a fire to put out upstairs.

#81

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[static sparks]

#82

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[light electronic dance music]

#83

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[Velvette] Ugh. No. Unacceptable. You're fired.

#84

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What is this? Wrist ruffles? Is it 1750?

#85

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Burn it like the witches who wore it.

#86

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[Vox] Oh, Velvet. I can see you're busy.

#87

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Tell me where's our hot headed friend now?

#88

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Up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down.

#89

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[sighs] And uh, what's got him so out of sorts today?

#90

⇓

Who knows? But he tore up my best model.

#91

⇓

And you know, the show can't wait for that unlucky bitch

#92

⇓

to pull herself back together.

#93

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Melissa, get over here.

#94

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No. No. Hideous.

#95

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I want to die. Eww. Oh, yes. That's the one.

#96

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Well, looks like you have everything under control here.

#97

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Of course I do. Fuck you. Now shoo!

#98

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Take care of the piss baby.

#99

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[gentle music]

#100

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[door closes]

#101

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[ominous music]

#102

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[Valentino] Fuckin' finally,

#103

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[glass smashes] Kitty, another drink.

#104

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Can you believe what that piece of shit did?

#105

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The ungrateful whore! [glass smashes]

#106

⇓

Um which whore are we talking about this time?

#107

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Fucking Angel Dust.

#108

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Who the hell else would I be talking about?

#109

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That fucking slut walked out on me. Me.

#110

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I fucking made him.

#111

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Without me, he's just a bag of meat

#112

⇓

with some mildly entertaining holes.

#113

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-Angel quit? -No, he didn't fucking quit.

#114

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It's worse. He moved!

#115

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He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else.

#116

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Can you fucking believe that?!

#117

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He thinks he can run off

#118

⇓

and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter?

#119

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Angel is living with Lucifer's daughter now?

#120

⇓

Yeah, that bitch. Chalkie, or Chandler, or...

#121

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I don't know. Something mannish like that.

#122

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She's got this hotel and--

#123

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And which of these makes me look sexier?

#124

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[Vox chuckles] What are you doing, Val?

#125

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You're not going over there.

#126

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That slippery twink is going to remember who owns him.

#127

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I'm going to fuck everyone in that rancid shithole, I swear to God.

#128

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[shouts] Val! [chuckles] Think about it.

#129

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Our brand is perfection.

#130

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And what do you think chasing whores around town

#131

⇓

will do for our image?

#132

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Uh... Fuck it up?

#133

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Right! [cheering]

#134

⇓

Do you want people thinking you can't control your employees?

#135

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-No. -Exactly.

#136

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And, hey, you still have him under contract.

#137

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He isn't going anywhere. So you should...?

#138

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[Valentino] Do nothing?

#139

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Great idea. Now, that's why they pay you the big bucks.

#140

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[sighs] But I really wanted to shoot someone.

#141

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Well, let me call up the lowest earners this month.

#142

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Oh, you know me too well. [chuckles darkly]

#143

⇓

You know, Angel isn't the only one spending time at this ratty hotel

#144

⇓

with the devil's princessa .

#145

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[Vox] Oh, who else is there? Someone who owes you money?

#146

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[chuckles] Someone who owes us much more than money.

#147

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The Radio Demon is there.

#148

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[tense music]

#149

⇓

[chuckles] What did you just say?

#150

⇓

You heard me.

#151

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Alastor came back and he is with Lucifer's daughter,

#152

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[angrily] and that wasn't the first fucking thing you told me?!

#153

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[Valentino] Hey, killing Alastor is your kink.

#154

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[Sir Pentious] Arrgh, Oh! Please! Stop! [Alastor laughs]

#155

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[Charlie] Um, Alastor? I think he's had enough.

#156

⇓

[Angel] Nah, he's got a few more hits in im!

#157

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[dramatic music] [Sir Pentious] Aahhh!

#158

⇓

[Alastor] Thanks for another forgettable experience.

#159

⇓

[Sit Pentious] Thank... you... for letting your guard down!

#160

⇓

Haha! Yah! Oh, shit.

#161

⇓

[Sir Pentious screams] Argh!

#162

⇓

Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor.

#163

⇓

Best of luck, chums.

#164

⇓

Wait. You're leaving?

#165

⇓

Alastor, we need your help. We need you to do your job.

#166

⇓

We need a wall.

#167

⇓

Of course.

#168

⇓

Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already.

#169

⇓

What would the papers say?

#170

⇓

[Angel giggles]

#171

⇓

Hey, sweet cheeks. [laid back jazz]

#172

⇓

What you doing later?

#173

⇓

I love me a man with a giant... tool.

#174

⇓

[Valentino] See? Look, at how he flirts with that guy,

#175

⇓

and he's not even paying.

#176

⇓

Who is that? I'm gonna fucking kill his whole fucking family.

#177

⇓

Vox? Vox?

#178

⇓

[static buzzes] [ominous music]

#179

⇓

[dramatic music] That fucker is back!

#180

⇓

Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too.

#181

⇓

It's been seven years!

#182

⇓

You still pissed he almost beat you that time?

#183

⇓

-Uh, fuck you. -Just saying.

#184

⇓

Things have changed a lot since he left town.

#185

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[Valentino] That's for sure.

#186

⇓

I got to send a message

#187

⇓

of who's really in charge of things now.

#188

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[chuckles]

#189

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[dramatic music] ♪ Welcome home ♪

#190

⇓

♪ I'm gonna make you wish ♪

#191

⇓

♪ That you'd stayed gone. ♪

#192

⇓

♪ Say hello ♪

#193

⇓

♪ To a new status quo ♪

#194

⇓

♪ Everyone knows that there's a brand new dawn ♪

#195

⇓

♪ Turn the TV on ♪

#196

⇓

[director] Camera, speeds. Rolling in 3,2.

#197

⇓

[upbeat music] ♪ Welcome to the show ♪

#198

⇓

♪ So the Radio Demon is back in town. ♪

#202

⇓

♪ Why is he hanging around? What does that mean for your family? ♪

#203

⇓

♪ Well handily, I've got good news. He's a loser, a fossil ♪

#204

⇓

♪ And I don't mean to sound hostile but the demon is a coward ♪

#205

⇓

♪ You can take that as gospel. Pulling my viewers? Impossible ♪

#206

⇓

♪ Im visual, he's barely audible ♪

#207

⇓

♪ Stop giving him the time of day ♪

#208

⇓

♪ Don't listen to a word he'd say

#209

⇓

♪ Hope he had a nice vacay ♪

#210

⇓

♪ But he should have stayed away ♪

#211

⇓

♪ While he hid in radio ♪

#212

⇓

♪ We pivoted to video ♪

#213

⇓

♪ And now his medium ♪

#214

⇓

♪ is getting bloody rare ♪

#215

⇓

♪ Hell's been better since he split ♪

#216

⇓

♪ Where's he been? Who gives a shit? ♪

#217

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[Alastor] ♪ Salutations ♪

#218

⇓

♪ Good to be back on the air ♪

#219

⇓

♪ Yes I know It's been a while since someone with style ♪

#220

⇓

♪ Treated hell to a broadcast Sinners rejoice ♪

#221

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[Vox] What a dated voice!

#222

⇓

-Instead of a clout chasing video podcast -Come on!

#223

⇓

♪ Is Vox insecure pursuing allure? ♪

#224

⇓

♪ Flitting between this fad and that ♪

#225

⇓

- ♪ Is nothing working? ♪ - ♪ Ignore his chirping ♪

#226

⇓

♪ Every day he's got a new format ♪

#227

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[Vox] ♪ You're looking at the future ♪

#228

⇓

♪ He's the shit that comes before that ♪

#229

⇓

[Alastor] ♪ Is Vox as strong as he purports ♪

#230

⇓

♪ Or is it based on his support? ♪

#231

⇓

♪ He'd be powerless without the other Vees ♪

#232

⇓

[Vox] Oh please.

#233

⇓

♪ And here's the sugar ♪

#234

⇓

♪ on the cream ♪

#235

⇓

- ♪ He asked me to join his team ♪ -[Vox] Hold on!

#236

⇓

♪ I said no and now he's pissy, that's the tea ♪

#237

⇓

[glitches] ♪ You old timey prick ♪

#238

⇓

♪ I'll show you suffering ♪

#239

⇓

[Alastor] ♪ Uh oh, the TV is buffering ♪

#240

⇓

[signal breaks up] ♪ I'll destroy yoo-o-u-u you little-- ♪

#241

⇓

[Alastor] I'm afraid you've lost your signal.

#242

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[dramatic music]

#243

⇓

[Alastor] ♪ Lets begin ♪

#244

⇓

♪ I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone ♪

#245

⇓

♪ Tune on in ♪

#246

⇓

♪ When I'm done ♪

#247

⇓

♪ Your status quo Will know its race is run ♪

#248

⇓

♪ Oh this will be fun ♪

#249

⇓

[Alastor laughing]

#250

⇓

Fuck!

#251

⇓

[light music] We have a problem.

#252

⇓

Alastor is getting close to Little Princess Morning Star.

#253

⇓

So our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck

#254

⇓

between Lucifer's brat and that smiling freak.

#255

⇓

Well, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?

#256

⇓

Put something inside them.

#257

⇓

That's how I get the bitches to behave.

#258

⇓

Well maybe someone on the inside isn't such a bad idea.

#259

⇓

Do you think Angel would?

#260

⇓

That lanky prick won't even return my calls.

#261

⇓

We need someone who Little Miss Bleeding Heart would take in.

#262

⇓

Someone pathetic, desperate, with no direct ties to us.

#263

⇓

I employ every down on their luck loser this side of hell.

#264

⇓

Who the fuck is left?

#265

⇓

[Vox scoffs]

#266

⇓

[dramatic music] I think I have just the one.

#267

⇓

[Charlie exhausted] Hmmph!

#268

⇓

[Angel] So how'd it go?

#269

⇓

[sighs] Not a single new recruit.

#270

⇓

Yeah. Well, who would want to use their last days

#271

⇓

[banging on door] not fucking and fighting?

#272

⇓

Why, hello, my dear--

#273

⇓

[thud]

#274

⇓

[Sir Pentious] Wait wait wait!

#275

⇓

I come in peace.

#276

⇓

What are you doing here?

#277

⇓

Vaggie what's the problem? [gasps]

#278

⇓

Oh, hello again.

#279

⇓

I didn't come looking for a fight. I uhh...

#280

⇓

I heard that you're helping people.

#281

⇓

People who want to be better?

#282

⇓

[gasps] You heard right.

#283

⇓

Welcome to our home of healing. Our resort of restoration. Our--

#284

⇓

Are you fucking nuts?

#285

⇓

This chump was trying to kill us, like,

#286

⇓

literally 6 hours ago.

#287

⇓

And now you want to bring him in here to live with us?

#288

⇓

Absolutely!

#289

⇓

This place is about second chances.

#290

⇓

And who deserves one more than this...

#291

⇓

slithery... slippery... special little man.

#292

⇓

Aren't you're supposed to protect this place?

#293

⇓

-[puppy dog noises] [ Vaggie sighs]

#294

⇓

I... guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine

#295

⇓

or even with the war machine.

#296

⇓

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

#297

⇓

Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin hotel!

#298

⇓

Oh, no darling, thank you. You won't regret this.

#299

⇓

Eh, I give you a week tops.

#300

⇓

[light music] So... this is the bar and the bartender.

#301

⇓

This is the curtain,

#302

⇓

and this is the new wall after you broke the last one, heh,

#303

⇓

and, oh, this, this is--

#304

⇓

Babe, you don't have to show him every detail.

#305

⇓

Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest!

#306

⇓

Uh, what the hell am I then?

#307

⇓

Well, you're an important part of our family here, Angel.

#308

⇓

But you, um, uh....

#309

⇓

[Vaggie] Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff,

#310

⇓

and have literally never once tried to improve?

#311

⇓

What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested for once.

#312

⇓

[light music]

#313

⇓

Over here we have our maid Niffty.

#314

⇓

[gasps] The bad boy is back.

#315

⇓

[creepy whisper] Never leave me again.

#316

⇓

We're about eighty percent sure she's harmless.

#317

⇓

And over here we have--

#318

⇓

Oh, uh, Alastor, our gracious Facility Manager!

#319

⇓

You've met our newest guest, Sir Pentious... Heh heh.

#320

⇓

Ah, yes. You're the one who ruined my coat.

#321

⇓

[sinisterly] I definitely remember you now.

#322

⇓

[gulp]

#323

⇓

Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson:

#324

⇓

[clears throat]

#325

⇓

"How to apologize".

#326

⇓

The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong,

#327

⇓

Why don't you give it a try?

#328

⇓

Yes, um... Mr, um, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you

#329

⇓

and ruining your very lovely coat... Um, here...

#330

⇓

Oh-ho, not many people have been able to take even this much off me.

#331

⇓

It must have meant quite a lot to you.

#332

⇓

[ignites]

#333

⇓

[cat purrs]

#334

⇓

Now! With a new resident,

#335

⇓

I think it's important we all get to know each other,

#336

⇓

so we are going to play a little game.

#337

⇓

Everyone, follow me.

#338

⇓

My name is Charlie. [claps]

#339

⇓

I like to sing. [claps]

#340

⇓

And when we get to know each other, it's the greatest thing.

#341

⇓

[claps]

#342

⇓

My name's Sir Pentious. [claps]

#343

⇓

I like to build. [claps]

#344

⇓

And despite my stupid Egg Bois,

#345

⇓

I think I'm very skilled. [claps]

#346

⇓

This is stupid.

#347

⇓

♪ This is not stupid it 's just the game ♪

#348

⇓

♪ Sir Pentious did it well so now please try to do the same ♪

#349

⇓

I am too sober for this.

#350

⇓

Well, get used to it and learn how to play.

#351

⇓

♪ This is going to be your whole day ♪ [claps]

#352

⇓

[laidback jazz music]

#353

⇓

[Angel] "Oh I'm a bad man on the streets

#354

⇓

who never got enough hugs."

#355

⇓

"Now, where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?"

#356

⇓

[Angel] Wow. Who wrote this?

#357

⇓

It's great, right? Keep going.

#358

⇓

-"Hey you." -Who, me?

#359

⇓

"Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some devil's dandruff."

#360

⇓

[Angel] Oh, for fuck's sake.

#361

⇓

Not me. I have to go home and study.

#362

⇓

"Come on kid, it'll make you cool like me...

#363

⇓

The crack head!"

#364

⇓

The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs.

#365

⇓

Now, if you'll excuse me,

#366

⇓

I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!

#367

⇓

[fanfare sounds] Yes! Oh, bravo, bravo!

#368

⇓

Wow, Pentious,

#369

⇓

at this rate you'll be redeemed in no time.

#370

⇓

[melancholy music]

#371

⇓

[Angel] I... I'm going to bed.

#372

⇓

[Charlie] I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious.

#373

⇓

-That was amazing. -Thank you.

#374

⇓

-That was beautiful work today! -[Sir Pentious] Thank you.

#375

⇓

You like me. You really like me!

#376

⇓

[grunts]

#377

⇓

[sighs]

#378

⇓

[voicemail beeps] [Valentino] Angel, Baby, come home.

#379

⇓

It's not the same without you here. I miss you, come back

#380

⇓

[shouting] Angel you bitch, If you don't come home,

#381

⇓

You will be fucking greasy truckers for the next year--

#382

⇓

[Valentino] Hey, amorcito, I didn't mean to yell,

#383

⇓

but you know how crazy you make me f--

#384

⇓

[shouting] You fuckin' slut!

#385

⇓

[Valentino being friendly] Hey, Angie, about earlier--

#386

⇓

[shouting] Kill your whole fucking fam--

#387

⇓

Work ' s really stressful--

#388

⇓

[shouting] Little cocksucking piece of shit--

#389

⇓

[ominous music] You actually think you can change?

#390

⇓

-Addict trash like you doesn't change. -[sigh]

#391

⇓

[Valentino] I'll see you soon, baby.

#392

⇓

Sorry. Not now, Fat Nuggets. [oinks]

#393

⇓

[bottles clink] [cork squeaks open]

#394

⇓

[gulps]

#395

⇓

Aah!

#396

⇓

Huh?

#397

⇓

[suspenseful music]

#398

⇓

[door creaks]

#399

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[Angel] You slippery little shit!

#400

⇓

[screams]

#401

⇓

You're working for the Vees?

#402

⇓

I fucking knew there was something shitty about you.

#403

⇓

[Sir Pentious] I don't know what you're talking about...

#404

⇓

whorebug!

#405

⇓

[growls]

#406

⇓

[frantic music] [scuffles]

#407

⇓

[Sir Pentious] Get your aggressively average body,

#408

⇓

off of me!

#409

⇓

[Angel] Fuck!

#410

⇓

[hisses]

#411

⇓

[growls ]

#412

⇓

[yawn] [Charlie] What's going on?

#413

⇓

[Angel] This little bitch is a traitor!

#414

⇓

Preposterous, I would never betray you. You... are my best friends!

#415

⇓

[Angel] Uh-uh, Then explain this.

#416

⇓

[suspenseful music]

#417

⇓

Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort!

#418

⇓

S.O.S. Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!!

#419

⇓

[Vox] Pentious? ... Wait ... You were caught?!

#420

⇓

[laughing] It hasn't even been a day!

#421

⇓

Please, you've got to get me out of here!

#422

⇓

[Vox] I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple.

#423

⇓

Do us a favor, if they don't kill you,

#424

⇓

go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable failure.

#425

⇓

I... I...

#426

⇓

[sombre music]

#427

⇓

Just make it quick, I guess.

#428

⇓

Not that I deserve it.

#429

⇓

Gladly.

#430

⇓

Wait... Pentious?

#431

⇓

[light ballad music]

#432

⇓

♪ It starts with sorry ♪

#433

⇓

♪ That's your foot In the door ♪

#434

⇓

♪ One simple sorry ♪

#435

⇓

♪ Spoken straight from your core ♪

#436

⇓

♪ The path to forgiveness ♪

#437

⇓

♪ Is a twisting trail of hearts ♪

#438

⇓

♪ But sorry is where it starts ♪

#439

⇓

[music builds]

#440

⇓

♪ Who could forgive a dirtbag like me ♪

#441

⇓

♪ I don't deserve your amnesty ♪

#442

⇓

[Angel and Vaggie] ♪ Can ' t we just kill him ♪

#443

⇓

♪ Shoot him and spill his blood ♪

#444

⇓

[Charlie] ♪ That's an option you could choose ♪

#445

⇓

[Angel and Vaggie] ♪ Works for us ♪

#446

⇓

♪ But who hasn't Been in his shoes ♪

#447

⇓

♪ It starts with sorry ♪

#448

⇓

♪ Sorry ♪

#449

⇓

♪ Dig down deeper and say ♪

#450

⇓

♪ One sincere sorry ♪

#451

⇓

[Sir Pentious] ♪ I'm so sorry ♪

#452

⇓

[Charlie] ♪ And your journey's underway ♪

#453

⇓

[Charlie and Sir Pentious] ♪ It'll take time to cover ♪

#454

⇓

♪ Your vast multitude of sins ♪ ♪ My vast multitude of sins ♪

#455

⇓

♪ But sorry is where it begins ♪

#456

⇓

♪ It starts with sorry ♪

#457

⇓

[Niffty] I hated that song!

#458

⇓

Why are you so lame? Not a bad boy.

#459

⇓

[happy sigh] Good first day. Let's get some rest.

#460

⇓

[suspenseful music]

#461

⇓

[electronic static] [Vox] What?!

#462

⇓

You'll have to try harder than that next time, ol' pal.

#463

⇓

[Vox rages] Aaaarrggghhhhh!!

#464

⇓

[Alastor laughs]

#465

⇓

[end credit music]

#466

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