Home » Hazbin Hotel » S01E03 — Scrambled Eggs

Hazbin Hotel

Season 1, Episode 3 — Scrambled Eggs

[Title music]

#1

⇓

[light music] [purring]

#2

⇓

[banging] [Charlie] That looks perfect!

#3

⇓

[squeaking]

#9

⇓

What the hell is that?

#10

⇓

I'm really looking forward to shooting the other residents.

#13

⇓

What? Why?

#14

⇓

Everyone is being too nice.

#15

⇓

Obviously, it must be a lie.

#16

⇓

I can sense they are planning to kill me, but when?

#17

⇓

How? I must be prepared!

#18

⇓

Ooh, the new parts of my machine are here.

#19

⇓

[Odette] Sign, please.

#20

⇓

Thank you for your business. Enjoy your Carmine purchase.

#21

⇓

Carmine? As in Carmella Carmine.

#22

⇓

You are buying parts from an overlord?

#23

⇓

Err, of course. She's the top weapons dealer in Hell.

#24

⇓

Okay, well, that stops right now.

#25

⇓

-[Sir Pentious] Hey. -[Vaggie] You absolutely cannot

#26

⇓

build weapons in this hotel.

#27

⇓

No one is trying to kill you.

#28

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People are being nice because they want you to feel welcome.

#29

⇓

[lazy jazz music]

#30

⇓

[heinous laugh]

#31

⇓

-[Penitous] Hmm. I have my doubts. -[Vaggie] Well, it's true.

#32

⇓

-[Vaggie] You have to trust us. -[Sir Pentious] But I don't.

#33

⇓

Well, why don't we focus on that for today's activities?

#34

⇓

Not before we lay some ground rules.

#35

⇓

No more building weapons,

#36

⇓

no more plotting against other guests.

#37

⇓

And you need to get rid of these things.

#38

⇓

[laser blasts]

#39

⇓

Ugh! What did I just say? What did I just say?

#40

⇓

What? Not my little egg boys. They do my evil bidding for me.

#41

⇓

Do you want to stay here and redeem yourself?

#42

⇓

-Yes. -Then no more eggs.

#43

⇓

All right, eggies. You've got to go.

#44

⇓

I... [sobs]

#45

⇓

-Can't keep you anymore. -Okay, boss.

#46

⇓

No, don't resist. This is how it has to be.

#47

⇓

-[melancholy music] -[sobs]

#48

⇓

[anguished cries]

#49

⇓

[upbeat jazz plays]

#50

⇓

[Alastor hums]

#51

⇓

[Vaggie] Alastor!

#52

⇓

Do you mind? I'm in the middle of breakfast.

#53

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[Vaggie] Pentious's eggs are all over the place,

#54

⇓

and I need you to get rid of them.

#55

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Oh, well, in that case, I'd be delighted to!

#56

⇓

Humanely!

#57

⇓

Hm. Well, that's a lot less hot,

#58

⇓

but I suppose I can take care of that on my outing today.

#59

⇓

Great. That looks disgusting.

#60

⇓

Hi, guys. Thanks for coming.

#61

⇓

It's been brought to our attention

#62

⇓

that there may be a little...

#63

⇓

tension in the hotel.

#64

⇓

[Vaggie] Tension that can be counterproductive

#65

⇓

to what we're trying to do here.

#66

⇓

We think that this group could really benefit from...

#67

⇓

-Trust exercises! -Trust exercises!

#68

⇓

[glass breaks] [Vaggie] Ah shit!

#69

⇓

Vaggie, we rehearsed this.

#70

⇓

[sighs] We're doing trust exercises.

#71

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[Husk] So, what's with the whole, uhhh..This?

#72

⇓

I'm not about to put on some show for these fucking chumps.

#73

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[Angel] Oh, I will, but it's cash up front,

#74

⇓

and I know that one, can't afford me.

#75

⇓

Gross! I'd never think of it spider!

#76

⇓

[Vaggie] Right. Well, let's get started. Charlie?

#77

⇓

Actually, I thought maybe you could take the lead on this one.

#78

⇓

I trust everyone, so maybe you know better

#79

⇓

about how to build it properly.

#80

⇓

What? Uhh, I don't know if I'm qualified, uh--

#81

⇓

Oh, come on. It'll be easy. I'm sure you can handle this.

#82

⇓

Yeah,Um... Sure, I can handle this. No problem.

#83

⇓

[sniffs]

#84

⇓

[drill sergeant style] All right,

#85

⇓

so we are starting with trust falls.

#86

⇓

Each of you are going to share something vulnerable

#87

⇓

with the group about yourself and then fall backwards,

#88

⇓

while the rest of the group catches you.

#89

⇓

Got it? Who wants to go first?

#90

⇓

Oooohh, ooohh, me me me! Me! Me! Me!

#91

⇓

All right. Get on up here.

#92

⇓

[Charlie] I love you guys.

#93

⇓

[romantic music] Like really, really love you.

#94

⇓

-[Charlie] Whoa! -[Vaggie]Gotcha.

#95

⇓

[Charlie] That felt good!

#96

⇓

-Angel, why don't you go next? -Fine.

#97

⇓

[Vaggie] This time everyone needs to catch him.

#98

⇓

Okay? Unless you want me to hurt you.

#99

⇓

Somethin' about myself, huh? How about this?

#100

⇓

I love to suck--

#101

⇓

[Husk] I swear to fuck if you say dicks.

#102

⇓

Popsicles, ya sicko!

#103

⇓

Get your mind out of the gutter. [strains]

#104

⇓

But you know, dick's too!

#105

⇓

[thud]

#106

⇓

All right, new guy, you're up.

#107

⇓

[melodramatic music] I...

#108

⇓

don't want to live without my minions.

#109

⇓

Nobody catch me. [clatter]

#110

⇓

-Damn it. -That's great.

#111

⇓

Wow, you are slimy.

#112

⇓

Okay. Good job. Err, Niffty.

#113

⇓

-[chaotic music] -[frantic giggles]

#114

⇓

Sometimes I kill motherbugs in front of their children

#115

⇓

as a warning to others.

#116

⇓

[splats]

#117

⇓

Yay! Pain. [giggles]

#118

⇓

-[frantic running] -[Niffty pants]

#119

⇓

[Niffty] Pain!

#120

⇓

I don't know if this is really working the way we hoped.

#121

⇓

Maybe we should--

#122

⇓

Honey, you have to trust me here.

#123

⇓

I got this, okay? I'll figure something out.

#124

⇓

If you're in the market for some ideas,

#125

⇓

I got just a thing for some "trust" buildin'.

#126

⇓

[Vaggie sighs] What do you have in mind?

#127

⇓

[sirens blare]

#128

⇓

[Frank] Oh, boy. What's the plan, boss?

#129

⇓

I like your suit.

#130

⇓

[Egg Boi #2] What are the antlers for?

#131

⇓

[Egg Boi #3] Can I touch your staff thing?

#132

⇓

[Egg Boi #4] Are those your ears? Or is it your hair? I can't tell.

#133

⇓

-[sinister music] -[Zestial] Hark, Alastor.

#134

⇓

How fare thee this day?

#135

⇓

[Frank] Who's that, boss?

#136

⇓

Want me to rough him up for you?

#137

⇓

Follow in silence if you value your shell.

#138

⇓

Greetings Zestial!

#139

⇓

[Demon] Oh holy shit!

#140

⇓

[Zestial] Ah, the weather doth become this fine day.

#141

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[Demon screams]

#142

⇓

Indeed. Looks like we might have some acid rain this afternoon.

#143

⇓

[screams]

#144

⇓

[Zestial] If our luck doth hold!

#145

⇓

I do revel in the screams. How art thou?

#146

⇓

It has been an age since thou hath graced us with thy presence.

#147

⇓

[Demon] Oh, fuck!

#148

⇓

[Zestial] Some hath spun wild tales of you falling to...

#149

⇓

holy arms .

#150

⇓

[Alastor laughs]

#151

⇓

Oh, I just took a well earned sabbatical. Nothing serious.

#152

⇓

Though it's fun to keep everyone on their toes.

#153

⇓

[chuckles]

#154

⇓

There too hath been rumour of thy involvement

#155

⇓

with the princess and her recent flight of fancy.

#156

⇓

Tell me, how does thou fall in such folly?

#157

⇓

[Alastor] That is for me to know.

#158

⇓

But please do guess.

#159

⇓

I'd love to know the theories.

#160

⇓

[Zestial chuckles]

#161

⇓

[Zestial] T'would be grander folly by far

#162

⇓

to assume the workings of your mind, Alastor.

#163

⇓

Thou hath been naught but an enigma since thy manifested in this realm.

#164

⇓

Coming from someone as ancient as you, I take that as quite the compliment.

#165

⇓

[epic ominous music]

#166

⇓

[Alastor] No, No. I have a very important task for you.

#167

⇓

Stay here and guard the front until I return.

#168

⇓

[Egg Bois mutter]

#169

⇓

[lift whirrs]

#170

⇓

[Egg Boi] Oh look. Frank is up there.

#171

⇓

We have names?

#172

⇓

-[lift dings] -[laid back jazz plays]

#173

⇓

[Frank] Oh!

#174

⇓

-[scared murmuring] -[Overlords laugh]

#175

⇓

[jazz continues]

#176

⇓

Oh!

#177

⇓

[metallic clinking]

#178

⇓

[Carmilla] Welcome, Hell sovereign overlords.

#179

⇓

I've invited you all here

#180

⇓

because you represent the controlling powers of our city.

#181

⇓

Together, you own millions of souls.

#182

⇓

Souls at risk with the new extermination schedule.

#183

⇓

We need to discuss what can be done to minimize

#184

⇓

the impact to our interest. [rattles]

#185

⇓

-Zestial, so good to see you, my friend. -Enchanted as always Carmilla.

#186

⇓

[Carmilla] Alastor?

#187

⇓

Yes, I know I've been absent some time.

#188

⇓

I'm sure you've all been wondering.

#189

⇓

Not really. But welcome back in any case.

#190

⇓

This year's extermination was brutal , far more even than years past.

#191

⇓

We have assessed that about 16% of the population was lost.

#192

⇓

With the angelic legions now returning twice as quickly

#193

⇓

I think it prudent we--

#194

⇓

[door slams open] Yes, I've got it handled, Vox.

#195

⇓

Are you doubting me?

#196

⇓

Really? Me? That's what I thought.

#197

⇓

[laughing] Yes, I know. They're all a joke.

#198

⇓

[laughs] Thank you, Vee. See you soon.

#199

⇓

[kisses] Kisses, darling.

#200

⇓

Nice of you to join us, Velvette.

#201

⇓

Will your... colleagues be joining?

#202

⇓

No. They have better shit to do than to listen to an old windbag

#203

⇓

Who thinks she's tough shit. I'm here to represent.

#204

⇓

[Carmilla] Charming.

#205

⇓

So, as I was saying, we need to discuss-

#206

⇓

-Yes? -On the subject of discussion...

#207

⇓

-[Squelches] -[Odette] Ooh shit.

#208

⇓

-[Clara gasps] -[Alastor] Oh, tasty!

#209

⇓

Where did you get this?

#210

⇓

[Velvette] We found it during extermination day.

#211

⇓

If these Holy Rollers can be killed, the game has changed.

#212

⇓

We can take the fight to them.

#213

⇓

The boys and I have come up with a full assault plan.

#214

⇓

[slurping noises]

#215

⇓

-[slurping continues] -[cup clinks on saucer]

#216

⇓

[Zestial] If it be true thee and thy colleagues desire to war,

#217

⇓

with such meagre proof.

#218

⇓

Thou art far more foolish than I be thought.

#219

⇓

[scoffs] Meager proof? It's a dead fucking exorcist.

#220

⇓

I'd say that's pretty fucking definitive.

#221

⇓

You going blind, old man?

#222

⇓

We know not how this perished.

#223

⇓

mayhaps t'was not by a demon's hand at all.

#224

⇓

If we rush to war without knowing mightn't they purge

#225

⇓

all of Hell for daring an uprising?

#226

⇓

[muttering in agreement]

#227

⇓

[Alastor] Oh, that's possible I suppose.

#228

⇓

Oh, I get it.

#229

⇓

So Grandpa is too pussy to fight,

#230

⇓

so I guess there's no point, right?

#231

⇓

[epic music]

#232

⇓

Oh. What's the matter, Fossil?

#233

⇓

Too senile to make a real power grab for--

#234

⇓

[operatic singing] ♪ You better show some respect ♪

#235

⇓

♪ Check your behaviour ♪

#236

⇓

♪ No one speaks to Zestial that way ♪

#237

⇓

♪ Did you expect us ♪

#238

⇓

♪ To sit back and take your ♪

#239

⇓

♪ Insolent brazen display ♪

#240

⇓

[raps] ♪ Ha-ha, you've got it twisted ♪

#241

⇓

♪ I'm not the one who Needs a new attitude ♪

#242

⇓

♪ Maybe you missed it, But I'm that hashtag bitch ♪

#243

⇓

♪ And I will do nothin' Less than what I please woo ♪

#244

⇓

♪ I'm the backbone of the Vees ♪

#245

⇓

♪ Mad that I acted respectless ♪

#246

⇓

♪ Well it's cause No one could respect this ♪

#247

⇓

♪ Sorry group attending ♪

#248

⇓

♪ Since when are Overlords Too scared to fight ♪

#249

⇓

♪ You're long past trending ♪

#250

⇓

♪ Sorry babe but I ain't Swipin' right ♪

#251

⇓

♪ You've lost your relevance-- ♪

#252

⇓

[Zestial] ♪ We can't act Without more intelligence ♪

#253

⇓

♪ No wonder I'm so respectless ♪

#254

⇓

♪ I could eat You lot for breakfast ♪

#255

⇓

♪ You and the Vees are inane and Uninformed ♪

#256

⇓

♪ Smug wannabes who don't heed When you've been warned ♪

#257

⇓

[Velvette] ♪ Oops, did I strike a nerve ♪

#258

⇓

♪ Cause when I brought out the angel's head ♪

#259

⇓

♪ Couldn't help but observe ♪

#260

⇓

♪ That your wrinkled face was Turnin' red ♪

#261

⇓

♪ And why are you avoiding war ♪

#262

⇓

♪ That's what The guns you sell are for ♪

#263

⇓

♪ Thanks to my Bein' respectless ♪

#264

⇓

♪ One thing I'm Startin' to suspect is ♪

#265

⇓

♪ You know why This angel's headless ♪

#266

⇓

♪ Do you have a disclosure ♪

#267

⇓

♪ This meeting's over ♪

#268

⇓

[silence]

#269

⇓

[Alastor] That was a productive meeting.

#270

⇓

Hmmph, fine.

#271

⇓

Safe travels back to the nursing home, fuckers.

#272

⇓

Kiss my ass.

#273

⇓

[laughs]

#274

⇓

[Zeezi] What the hell? We literally just got here.

#275

⇓

Mother?

#276

⇓

[incidental music]

#277

⇓

Hmm!

#278

⇓

Well, that's interesting.

#279

⇓

You little egg creature. I have a job for you.

#280

⇓

-Oh, yes, boss. -Follow them.

#281

⇓

[slapping noises] Angel! What the actual fuck?

#282

⇓

No activity requires more trust than BDSM, baby.

#283

⇓

No bond stronger than those formed through bondage.

#284

⇓

That's their motto.

#285

⇓

[slapping noise and screams]

#286

⇓

Angel, love the enthusiasm. But umm, uh... Hmmmm..

#287

⇓

What makes you think anyone would be into this?

#288

⇓

[purrs] Ya know, I... I don't hate this.

#289

⇓

[chuckles]

#290

⇓

[Niffty] I'm ready to punish some bad boys.

#291

⇓

[giggles]

#292

⇓

Never mind, I-I'm out.

#293

⇓

Okay, hello, there. Hi. Um. Hm...

#294

⇓

[slapping noise] [low growl]

#295

⇓

Ugh, I can't fucking believe I let you drag us here Angel.

#296

⇓

[Vaggie] This is disgusting.

#297

⇓

[Angel] It's no big deal, Vaggie.

#298

⇓

You know, maybe I can just help, uh--

#299

⇓

No. I told you, you could trust me.

#300

⇓

And I'm not going to let you down.

#301

⇓

[gentle music]

#302

⇓

I just need to teach them the way I was taught.

#303

⇓

[Demon] AHHH!

#304

⇓

[Charlie shouting] This is how you learned to trust people?

#305

⇓

[Demons shout] Bring it on Bitch, Yeehaw!

#306

⇓

[Vaggie in drill sergeant style] There is nothing stronger

#307

⇓

than the trust between comrades and arms.

#308

⇓

Buckle up, butter cups, because today you boys become men!

#309

⇓

[explosion] You...

#310

⇓

[Sir Pentious] Wait, wait! I can't fight without my minions--

#311

⇓

[Vaggie] ... Are going to survive together.

#312

⇓

[Sir Pentious] Aaaahhh! [Vaggie] And you--

#313

⇓

[Angel] D-don't you even think about it--

#314

⇓

Are going to make this hotel work!

#315

⇓

[Angel screams]

#316

⇓

[excitedly] My turn, my turn!

#317

⇓

Vaggie! No!

#318

⇓

This is the only way they'll learn, Charlie.

#319

⇓

No, it's not. There are other ways.

#320

⇓

-It just takes time. -Time we don't have.

#321

⇓

[Vaggie] How many exterminations

#322

⇓

will have gone by before these idiots get their shit together?

#323

⇓

How many times do we have to watch your people be killed

#324

⇓

before we make headway?

#325

⇓

Vaggie...

#326

⇓

I took charge today and it all went sideways.

#327

⇓

I'm supposed to make your dreams a reality.

#328

⇓

I'm supposed to protect you.

#329

⇓

I'm supposed to never fail you.

#330

⇓

[Angel] I blame you for this you crazy bitch!

#331

⇓

You didn't fail me,

#332

⇓

[somber music] Vaggie... You're not--

#333

⇓

If I can't help you, what's the point of me?

#334

⇓

[gasps] Vaggie, don't say that! You do so much! It's--

#335

⇓

I'm sorry. I'd like to be alone for a minute.

#336

⇓

[somber music continues]

#337

⇓

[fighting and screaming continues]

#338

⇓

[Angel breathes heavily] [strains and groans]

#339

⇓

[Angel] Made it.

#340

⇓

Let's go home, guys.

#341

⇓

Ugh! I just walked up all those stairs.

#342

⇓

-[strains] -[morose music]

#343

⇓

[Carmilla mutters in Spanish]

#344

⇓

[Zestial] Carmilla, what troubles thou?

#345

⇓

Losing thy composure is unlike thee.

#346

⇓

[sighs] It's nothing, Zestial. Really.

#347

⇓

[Zestial] The felled angel...

#348

⇓

'twas by thy hand, was it not?

#349

⇓

-Let's not talk about it. -[Clara] Mom...

#350

⇓

Maybe he should know.

#351

⇓

Nobody should know.

#352

⇓

I did what I had to do. I am not discussing this.

#353

⇓

[sombre music] [gentle singing]

#354

⇓

♪ What weighs on Your soul old friend? ♪

#355

⇓

♪ I implore You to share the load ♪

#356

⇓

♪ If it was thou Who slew the angel ♪

#357

⇓

♪ Why not let Your strength be known? ♪

#358

⇓

[gentle ballad music] ♪ I always thought ♪

#359

⇓

♪ That I would Keep blood off my face ♪

#360

⇓

♪ But when that thing attacked I had to act ♪

#361

⇓

♪ To cross That line and keep them safe ♪

#362

⇓

[power ballad music] ♪ But if anyone knew ♪

#363

⇓

♪ Then all of Hell would rise to war ♪

#364

⇓

♪ And who's to say who'd survive the fray? ♪

#365

⇓

♪ I might lose the ones ♪

#366

⇓

♪ That I was killing for ♪

#367

⇓

[power ballad builds] ♪ So I... ♪

#368

⇓

♪ I'll be your keeper ♪

#369

⇓

♪ Do whatever it takes I'll make the mistakes ♪

#370

⇓

♪ I'll keep you safe and Keep this secret ♪

#371

⇓

♪ When I saw your face ♪

#372

⇓

♪ You made me feel like a Stranger in a brand new place ♪

#373

⇓

♪ And it felt so Good to be understood ♪

#374

⇓

♪ But there's so much I wished that I could say ♪

#375

⇓

♪ So, I... I'll be your armor ♪

#376

⇓

♪ Do whatever it takes I'll make the mistakes ♪

#377

⇓

♪ I'll spend my Life being your partner ♪

#378

⇓

♪ And I don't know What we might face ♪

#379

⇓

♪ But I know I can't replace you so ♪

#380

⇓

♪ I'll do anything to save you ♪

#381

⇓

♪ And I will try to make your Dreams come true ♪

#382

⇓

[singing together] ♪ Whatever We go through, I know I... ♪

#383

⇓

-♪ I'll be your keeper ♪ -♪ I'll be your armor ♪

#384

⇓

[singing together] ♪ Whatever it takes ♪

#385

⇓

-♪ I'll make the mistakes ♪ -♪ I'll make the mistakes ♪

#386

⇓

[singing together] ♪ Whatever it takes ♪

#387

⇓

[quirky music] Ooohh. This smells like fun.

#388

⇓

Ooh,I love garbage. [lift dings]

#389

⇓

[Alastor] So, what did you hear?

#390

⇓

[Frank] First the old guy w-was all "you're not yourself,

#391

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you're the one that killed the angel" a-a-and

#392

⇓

then she was all

#393

⇓

[sings] ♪ Whatever it takes ♪

#394

⇓

-And then what was that last thing? -She killed the angel?

#395

⇓

Interesting.

#396

⇓

Let's keep this between us, shall we?

#397

⇓

You got it, boss.

#398

⇓

[melancholy music]

#399

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-[Vaggie] Hey. -[Charlie] Hey.

#400

⇓

[sighs] I'm sorry I got so crazy today.

#401

⇓

[Charlie] No, no, I'm sorry.

#402

⇓

I'm sorry I put pressure on you. We work as a team.

#403

⇓

I guess I just thought all this would be easier,

#404

⇓

But we'll figure it out... together.

#405

⇓

I mean, look what your exercise did for them.

#406

⇓

[all laughing]

#407

⇓

[Angel] And then when that buff guy started beating the shit outta you.

#408

⇓

Ha ha! Yes, with the dismembered arm.

#409

⇓

Yes, that was particularly unpleasant.

#410

⇓

[giggles] I liked that part.

#411

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[Husk] Well hey,

#412

⇓

at least you can take a beating like a champ.

#413

⇓

You did okay, new kid.

#414

⇓

[Sir Pentious] Really? Oh, well,

#415

⇓

I suppose I did get into a little of the old rough and tumble today.

#416

⇓

[laughs]

#417

⇓

And thank you for pulling me out of there.

#418

⇓

[all laugh and giggle]

#419

⇓

[Vaggie] Well, how about that?

#420

⇓

-[door slams] -[Vaggie] Alastor...

#421

⇓

Failed to get rid of the eggs, I see.

#422

⇓

Yes, well, the little monsters prove to be rather useful.

#423

⇓

[Vaggie] Why don't you give them back to Pentious?

#424

⇓

-Really? -[Vaggie] Yeah.

#425

⇓

After today, I guess I can trust you with them.

#426

⇓

But seriously, no more weapons.

#427

⇓

[Pentious emotionally] Ahhhh! My eggs! Yeah.

#428

⇓

Oh it's so good to have you back.

#429

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[shouts] Now go clean my quarters this instant!

#430

⇓

[Charlie] Maybe things will move faster than you think.

#431

⇓

[Sir Pentious] Ah! How was your day with Alastor my minions?

#432

⇓

It was awesome, boss.

#433

⇓

I went to this meeting and there was a knife lady,

#434

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an old guy and a dinosaur.

#435

⇓

That's nice.

#436

⇓

And the nice lady killed an angel.

#437

⇓

And I was not supposed to talk about it--

#438

⇓

Oh, I'm so sure and maybe you'll meet martians tomorrow.

#439

⇓

But now it's time for sleep. Good night Eggies.

#440

⇓

[Frank yawns]

#441

⇓

[End credit music]

#442

⇓