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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E08 — The Golden Bachelor Live

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 8 — The Golden Bachelor Live

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Golden Bachelor Live

Air date: August 20, 2025

Director: Todd Biermann

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Host Jesse Palmer walks the audience through Frank's journey up until his final rose ceremony in the "Golden Bachelor" finale. But whom will he pick: a young internet celebrity, a confident woman his age, or a familiar face?

Source: TMDB

↓

My name is Frank.

frank name

↓

I've had a great life, a family, lots of friends, adventures,

adventures family friends life lots

↓

but I'm ready for a change.

change ready

↓

One last shot at finding true love.

finding love shot

↓

I'm hoping this is it.

hoping

↓

Thank you. Hi.

↓

Thank you so much. Thank you.

↓

Thank you and good evening, Bachelor nation.

bachelor evening nation

↓

I'm Jesse Palmer, and welcome

jesse palmer welcome

↓

to The Golden Bachelor season finale.

bachelor finale golden golden-bachelor season

↓

Of course, we are coming to you live from Los Angeles

angeles coming course live

↓

as Frank's journey to find the love of his life

franks journey life love

↓

comes to a dramatic conclusion.

comes conclusion dramatic

↓

Now admittedly, the crew nor the producers were prepared

admittedly crew prepared producers

↓

to host a Bachelor as eccentric

bachelor eccentric host

↓

as Frank Reynolds.

frank frank-reynolds reynolds

↓

In fact, this is the first season in Bachelor history

bachelor fact history season

↓

where we considered ending the entire franchise altogether.

altogether considered ending entire franchise

↓

But, boy, are we glad we didn't,

glad

↓

because Frank captured our hearts,

captured frank hearts

↓

and tonight is the moment we've all been waiting for.

moment tonight waiting

↓

Will Frank find true love again?

frank love

↓

All I can say is that you'll have to see it to believe it.

believe

↓

So let's take a look back at the season's highlights

highlights seasons

↓

where Frank started in a very different place

frank place started

↓

than where we find him today.

today

↓

Let's get this show on the road.

road

↓

Can't wait to find a Grade A, prime cut piece of ****.

grade piece prime

↓

To love.

love

↓

Frank, admittedly, was a little rougher around the edges than we're accustomed to.

accustomed admittedly edges frank

↓

All right, so where are all the broads?

broads

↓

I dropped a couple of blueys.

blueys couple dropped

↓

This baby's got about a half hour

babys half half-hour hour

↓

to perform like, pew,

perform

↓

and then that's it. So, let's hurry up.

hurry

↓

Okay, the first car is arriving now.

arriving

↓

Okay, all right, good. The first car.

↓

Oh, my God, I'm getting a chubby.

chubby

↓

Look at this. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

↓

Ooh. Here it comes. I'm anticipating this...

anticipating comes

↓

Oh, let's see, yeah.

↓

- Uh, nope. - Excuse me?

excuse nope

↓

Pass, pass, pass, it's a pass.

pass pass-pass

↓

You can walk by. You can keep on going.

walk

↓

Just walk on by. That's it.

walk

↓

Next, next, next. Bring the next one in.

bring

↓

- Uh-uh. - Frank.

frank

↓

No, no. Absolutely not.

absolutely

↓

No, no. Pass on. Next. Let's go to the next one.

pass

↓

Next one, this is not working out. What's going on?

working

↓

Frank, there's a time for this. It's just not right now.

frank

↓

All right, bring the next one on, bring the next one on.

bring

↓

I'm starting to get nervous.

nervous starting

↓

What do we got?

↓

Holy... Oh...

holy

↓

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

↓

No, pass, pass, pass.

pass pass-pass

↓

Are all these whores gonna be this old?

whores

↓

Why did I do this? I don't know what's the matter with me.

matter

↓

What the **** did I do?

↓

Everyone that got out of the car, I mean, they were, like, crackling.

crackling

↓

I mean, you could hear their **** crackling.

crackling

↓

- It was like, just, old meat. - Frank,

frank meat

↓

honestly, you didn't understand the premise of this show?

premise

↓

Well, I knew there would be a couple of duds,

couple duds

↓

but I thought you Hollywood people were all about diversity.

diversity hollywood

↓

Well, there's gonna be women of every ethnicity here.

ethnicity women

↓

Age. Diversity of age.

diversity

↓

Frank, the show's called The Golden Bachelor.

bachelor called frank golden golden-bachelor shows

↓

Golden Bachelor, my ****.

bachelor golden golden-bachelor

↓

I'm **** out of here unless I find something

↓

coming out of that car that I like.

coming

↓

You gotta do something.

↓

- You ever watch TikTok? - Yeah, of course.

course tiktok watch

↓

Well, you ever... you ever hear of Cock Chewa?

cock cock-chewa

↓

- Cock Chewa? - Cock Chewa...

cock cock-chewa

↓

And so in a series of Golden Bachelor firsts,

bachelor golden golden-bachelor series

↓

we caved into Frank's demands.

demands franks

↓

I saw this trash on TikTok.

tiktok trash

↓

Her name was Cock Chewa.

cock cock-chewa name

↓

Her catchphrase was, "Chew on that thang."

catchphrase chew thang

↓

I had to have her.

↓

My heart's beating a mile a minute.

beating hearts mile minute

↓

Let's see what happens.

happens

↓

Oh, oh, oh.

↓

What's coming out?

coming

↓

Oh! It's her. That's her. That's her!

↓

Hey, y'all!

yall

↓

- Chew on that thang. - Chew on that thang!

chew thang

↓

- I choose her. Yes. - I get paid for this, right?

choose paid

↓

Yeah, the game's over. We can take her.

games

↓

No, no, no, Frank. It's only the first episode, okay?

episode frank

↓

We have to go through this whole process,

process whole

↓

otherwise there can't be a show.

otherwise

↓

It's the first night,

night

↓

so you're gonna have to wait a little while

↓

- to chew on that thang. - Chew on that thang.

chew thang

↓

Oh, baby, am I boned up. Okay, here let's go.

baby boned

↓

Okay. Okay.

↓

All right.

↓

Oops, I thought you said we were done with the old ones.

ones oops

↓

Uh, hi. Very nice to see you, you know. But no.

↓

- But no. Okay, so anyway, pass. - Oh.

pass

↓

But, you know, go on inside and keep warm.

warm

↓

I'll get you out of here ASAP.

asap

↓

You're kidding me. This cretin is the bachelor?

bachelor cretin kidding

↓

I got better looking boils.

boils looking

↓

That was a good one. You got me there. You got me there.

↓

Well, maybe I'll keep this one around just to entertain me.

entertain

↓

She got me with that... That was very...

↓

She's good. Let's lump her in with the other one.

lump

↓

We'll see how it goes. That was funny. She was pretty funny.

funny

↓

Oh. Oh. What's this? I thought I said no dudes.

dudes

↓

Oh, I have an Amazon Prime delivery for a, uh, Frank Reynolds.

amazon delivery frank frank-reynolds prime reynolds

↓

- Oh, Frank Reynolds, that's me. - Okay.

frank frank-reynolds reynolds

↓

Yeah, that's me. Oh, yeah, this... Thank you.

↓

Oh, my, my, that was so fast.

fast

↓

Amazon Prime deliveries are so fast.

amazon fast prime

↓

Frank, what are you doing? You can't bring your own plugs.

bring frank plugs

↓

Yeah... I... No, we... No plugs. Their items are very meaningful to me.

items meaningful plugs

↓

I am fired up about Chewy. That's a broad I could spend my life with.

broad chewy fired life spend

↓

And the other one's good too. They both got mouths on 'em.

mouths ones

↓

One's an on-ramp, one's an off-ramp.

ones ramp

↓

I'm leaning toward the 20-year-old.

leaning

↓

Since Frank had already chosen his final two,

chosen final frank

↓

we had to get creative with the situations we put them in.

creative situations

↓

So, uh, where you from?

↓

Gang, gang.

gang gang-gang

↓

Chew, chew.

chew

↓

Gang, gang. Gang. Gang, gang.

gang gang-gang

↓

That's a butthole.

butthole

↓

Thank you, y'all. Thank you.

yall

↓

What's that? What are you doing?

↓

I'm making money on a live stream.

live money stream

↓

- Huh? - Gang, gang.

gang gang-gang

↓

You're making...

↓

So, uh, yeah, yeah, hmm.

↓

- Well, what kind of music do you like? - Thank you.

music

↓

The conversation was a little rough.

conversation rough

↓

I didn't know what the hell she was doing with the phone.

phone

↓

I guess people pay her to respond to emojis?

respond

↓

I was losing my patience.

losing patience

↓

Gang, gang. Chew, chew. Chew.

chew gang gang-gang

↓

Look, if we don't bang soon, I'm gonna boot you off the show.

bang boot

↓

- Well, that worked like a charm. - All right.

charm worked

↓

We banged three times that night.

banged night three three-times times

↓

And on some kind of OnlyFans live stream thing.

live stream

↓

Made 12 grand. It was incredible.

grand incredible

↓

Except for the chewing.

chewing except

↓

That was weird as hell.

weird

↓

I-I thought it was more of a catch phrase than an actual method.

actual catch method phrase

↓

Where the **** is he?

↓

- Wow. I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh, hey.

late

↓

I had to dump out big time.

dump

↓

Oh, well, that makes two of us.

makes

↓

Just got here myself.

↓

Took the liberty of ordering us the seafood linguine.

liberty ordering seafood

↓

- Yeah? - Yeah, yeah.

↓

So... Hmm. Mm-mmm.

↓

What now?

↓

Ah. Well...

↓

we could get the linguine to go, go back to your place.

place

↓

I would say we bang at my place,

bang place

↓

but I don't want you hanging around after.

hanging

↓

- You get it. - What makes you think I'm gonna bang you?

bang makes

↓

All right, we bang after dinner.

bang dinner

↓

- Eh, make love. - Hmm.

love

↓

Yeah. So what's your deal? Were you ever married?

deal married

↓

If you must know.

must

↓

My husband's dead.

dead husbands

↓

You knock him off?

knock

↓

They say he got chomped in two by a great white

white

↓

while he was snorkeling off the coast of Maine.

coast maine

↓

Ooh, wicked.

wicked

↓

Personally, I think he was smuggling drugs down from Canada,

canada drugs personally smuggling

↓

got chainsawed by some cartel.

↓

They only found the bottom half.

bottom found half

↓

Nasty.

nasty

↓

Mmm. Nasty business.

business nasty

↓

Did you keep the dong?

dong

↓

Of course I did.

course

↓

I had it pickled and put in a jar.

pickled

↓

- Yeah. - Wow...

↓

That's what I would have wanted.

wanted

↓

- Hmm. - Wow. Beautiful.

↓

Hmm.

↓

I have to say I enjoyed the conversation.

conversation enjoyed

↓

We talked all night, didn't even bang.

bang night talked

↓

Which is probably better because my cock was chewed to ****.

chewed cock

↓

So Frank was left with a dilemma.

dilemma frank left

↓

Who was he gonna choose?

choose

↓

And for that he turned to his family.

family turned

↓

But in a bizarre turn of events,

bizarre events

↓

the producers learned that his family was not his family at all.

family learned producers

↓

He had hired actors to play them.

actors hired

↓

These people are maniacs. You don't understand.

maniacs

↓

I was afraid they were gonna embarrass me on national television.

afraid embarrass national television

↓

So Frank was concerned that his real family would embarrass him.

concerned embarrass family frank real real-family

↓

It was time to go to his hometown:

hometown

↓

Philadelphia. The birthplace of our nation.

nation philadelphia

↓

Could it be the birthplace of a new love?

love

↓

Things were off to a rocky start.

rocky start

↓

I was terrified to have Sam and Chewy meet the gang.

chewy gang meet terrified

↓

But I have to admit, they played it really cool.

admit cool played

↓

Well, here we are.

↓

I'm so excited to see Frank.

excited frank

↓

Oh, I'm just excited to meet the ladies.

excited ladies meet

↓

If Frank likes them, I'll like them.

frank likes

↓

Wonder where they are.

wonder

↓

I, too, am feeling things.

feeling

↓

Well, speak of the dev... Uh, speak of Frank.

frank speak

↓

- Yeah. - Oh.

↓

I was really nervous that you guys were gonna be mad

nervous

↓

about the whole fake family thing.

fake family whole

↓

Oh.

↓

- Frank, forget it, huh? - Oh, no. Please, we get it.

forget frank

↓

- I don't care. - You were nervous.

care nervous

↓

- Yeah. - I'm passed that.

passed

↓

Yeah, I want you to know how happy we are for both of you and for Frank.

frank happy

↓

- Well, thank you. - We just want what's best for everyone.

best

↓

Uh, Frank, should we take your dates and get to know them a little better?

dates frank

↓

Oh.

↓

Okay. Uh, all right. Play nice.

↓

Play nice.

↓

Well, we always play nice. - He's a funny guy, right?

funny

↓

- He's so funny. - A joker.

funny

↓

Okay, listen, bitch. You are not getting the money.

bitch money

↓

Yeah, you're too old to have a baby.

baby

↓

And if you try and adopt, so help me God,

adopt

↓

we will snuff that thing out like a cigarillo.

snuff

↓

Hmm. You're on television.

television

↓

Please.

↓

I think we all know Disney's never gonna air this.

↓

So listen to me and listen good.

↓

You are not getting our money.

money

↓

I have my own money.

money

↓

You do?

↓

Explain yourself.

explain

↓

I got chicken money and plenty of it too.

chicken chicken-money money plenty

↓

So whatever Frank's got, he can just keep it.

franks

↓

I made my own fortune on the backs of others.

backs fortune others

↓

I don't need to be pulling it out of an old man's pocket.

mans pocket pulling

↓

- Chicken money. - Chicken money, huh?

chicken chicken-money money

↓

The chicken money comment was a bit of a relief, you know?

chicken chicken-money comment money relief

↓

- Not that I trust her. - Well, no, that's true.

trust

↓

We're not really the trusting kind, you know?

trusting

↓

But if she does have this so-called "chicken money",

called chicken chicken-money money

↓

then we wouldn't mind, uh...

mind

↓

Wetting our beaks.

↓

Did you see that? I didn't have to say it.

↓

She-She walked right into it.

walked

↓

Dee's a bird.

bird dees

↓

Uh... ...Chewy. May I call you Chewy?

chewy

↓

- Yeah. - Chewy, we are a vibe.

chewy vibe

↓

And we need to know how you're gonna fit in.

↓

You know, I think it's important that whoever

↓

we bring into the fold fits with our dynamic.

bring dynamic fits fold

↓

Oh, I love the gays. I'll chew on that thang.

chew gays love thang

↓

That doesn't make any sense. Moreover, it sickens me.

sense

↓

What is this? How is this gonna work?

↓

Like, there's no room for you on my couch, man.

couch room

↓

- There's just not. - Okay. Well, we have to pick one, Charlie.

charlie pick

↓

I don't want to pick one. I don't understand why Frank did this.

frank pick

↓

If he was unhappy, why didn't he come to me?

unhappy

↓

You ruined this, okay? I need it to go back to the way that it was.

ruined

↓

Well, he's not gonna just chew on that thang.

chew thang

↓

Whatever y'all want. What does that mean?

yall

↓

Why does she keep saying it?

↓

I'd seen all I needed to see.

needed seen

↓

I mean, we-we couldn't run the risk of one of these women

risk women

↓

becoming a major player in our lives.

becoming lives major player

↓

We need to bring in someone Frank might go for,

bring frank might

↓

but who we know we can control.

control

↓

A woman with no personal ambitions

personal woman

↓

but who Frank could also bang.

bang frank

↓

Guys, I believe I have the first line.

believe line

↓

- Uh, announcement. - Announce. Just an announcement.

announce announcement

↓

- It's just a natural conversation. - Yes.

conversation natural

↓

- He just has to talk first. - Welcome to Mac and Dennis's apartment.

apartment denniss welcome

↓

- Well, you're Mac. - I'm Mac.

↓

- Well, he's just welcoming. - Yeah.

welcoming

↓

This is Dennis, and this is our apartment.

apartment dennis

↓

- Yes. - And we do a lot of hosting.

↓

- That's right. - And we are not a couple.

couple

↓

- No. - But our living arrangement is

arrangement living

↓

- Well, he is gay. - Well... ...Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

And I am gay.

↓

Uh, I believe I may have snapped at Dennis and hit him a little bit...

believe dennis snapped

↓

- Yeah, a little bit too hard. - ...too hard.

hard

↓

And also the fact that you're gay is inconsequential because...

fact

↓

- It's playful. - Yes.

playful

↓

...that's gonna make it sound like maybe I'm not.

sound

↓

She's not supposed to say that, right?

supposed

↓

Is that it? That's all she can say?

↓

- The vocab is limited. - Good.

limited

↓

- Yeah. - I'ma barf on it.

barf

↓

- What? - What?

↓

That's not your line.

line

↓

Ah. It's kind of a catchphrase that I do, you know what I mean?

catchphrase

↓

- She's kidding. You're kidding. - Barf on that thing, y'all.

barf kidding yall

↓

Well, no, no, no.

↓

Should I have a catchphrase? I don't approve of this union.

approve catchphrase union

↓

Let's keep this evening about Frank, okay?

evening frank

↓

And not have... We don't have... Nobody has any catchphrases.

nobody

↓

We-we're just... Uh, I'm gonna raise a toast... Um...

raise toast

↓

to these two wonderful women and to an impossible choice.

choice impossible women

↓

- Yeah. - Oh.

↓

Oh.

↓

- My, my. Who could that be? - Oh. What's this?

↓

Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Hey... Oh, Miss... Ms. Kelly.

kelly miss

↓

- Mom. - My God. Well, what brings you here?

brings

↓

To be a slut and to marry Frank.

frank marry slut

↓

That was...

↓

Oh.

↓

Really? Oh, good. Dennis, did you put her up to this?

dennis

↓

What do you mean? She just came over.

↓

Already I have to deal with two sluts and now a third?

deal sluts third

↓

Start over, Mac! Start over.

start

↓

♪ yeah!

↓

Now the stakes were even higher with a third woman in the mix,

higher stakes third woman

↓

but luckily for Frank,

frank luckily

↓

he'd have the fantasy suites to help him make up his mind.

fantasy mind

↓

This was the hardest decision of my life. What's the order?

decision hardest life order

↓

Do I go Chewy first and work my way to Bonnie through Sam?

bonnie chewy

↓

Or do I run the risk of being gnawed to a stump and have to heal?

heal risk stump

↓

I was feeling so many things.

feeling

↓

And then, I had an idea.

idea

↓

Frank, there is no way Disney is ever gonna go with that.

disney frank

↓

It's what I want.

↓

No, Frank, we have to stagger them.

frank

↓

I'll handle that once we're in the middle of it.

handle middle

↓

Look, you wanna join us?

join

↓

I don't love it, but no eye contact and we're good.

contact love

↓

All right. Let's go ahead. Let's go.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Ha! Let's go, ladies.

ladies

↓

We're gonna do kind of a group situation.

group situation

↓

Why don't you just come this way?

↓

- There you go. There you go. - Yeah.

↓

- O-Okay, listen to me, Frank. - Hey.

frank

↓

I'm no prude, right?

prude

↓

I mean, I was in the navy, right?

navy

↓

I took a whole destroyer full of torpedoes, you know?

destroyer full torpedoes whole

↓

That's pretty funny, Sam.

funny

↓

Yeah, but here's the thing:

↓

I feel like I'm ready to settle down and, you know...

ready settle

↓

- ...I got feelings for-for-for you, Frank. - You do?

feelings frank

↓

Yeah, you know. Ain't that something.

aint

↓

I-I gotta tell you a little story, right?

story

↓

Well, I'm kind of on the clock here, you know?

clock

↓

Yeah, okay.

↓

When I was a little girl,

girl

↓

I shortened my name to Sam and I told everybody,

everybody name

↓

"Ooh, I-I really liked that so much better,"

liked

↓

but I didn't.

↓

I-I just thought that... Samantha, that's-that's too long for anybody to say.

anybody samantha

↓

So-So I changed my name, Frank, because I thought

changed frank name

↓

that nobody would care enough to take the time to say the whole thing.

care nobody whole

↓

Oh, my God. Stupid, huh?

stupid

↓

Well, you were a kid.

↓

I lived my whole life that way.

life lived whole whole-life

↓

And when I was busy pretending to be somebody that I wasn't,

busy pretending somebody

↓

you were living your life being exactly who you are.

life living

↓

I just love that about you, Frank.

frank love

↓

And I kind of thought it was too late for me, but then,

late

↓

you've shown me that it's never too late

late shown

↓

to find your heart.

heart

↓

And your voice.

voice

↓

And your name.

name

↓

I think I'm falling in love with you, Frank.

falling frank love

↓

Yeah, I-I don't want to ruin that.

ruin

↓

So, you know, I'm not going in there.

↓

I'm-I'm gonna go.

↓

Sam had struck a chord.

struck

↓

And now Frank had an even tougher decision to make.

decision frank tougher

↓

Just what was he going to do?

↓

Yeah, I mean, I took a shot, right?

shot

↓

And I-I think he's feeling the same things I am.

feeling

↓

At least, I hope so, right?

hope least

↓

Yeah.

↓

What's it say?

↓

Look, as much as Dennis wanted Frank to pick Bonnie,

bonnie dennis frank pick wanted

↓

we all knew he was gonna go with the 20-year-old, so...

↓

I devised that prank to make sure she was cool.

cool prank

↓

The prank is this, when they fly us out there, we set off

prank

↓

one of those elephant toothpaste bombs in the mansion.

bombs elephant mansion toothpaste

↓

And then, if she likes it, she's in.

likes

↓

What the hell is that? - What is that?

↓

Oh. It's-It's like a chemical reaction. Check it out.

check chemical reaction

↓

This is a good idea though, Mac. I could work with this.

idea

↓

- Yeah, that's gonna be fun. - Okay.

fun

↓

So Frank was concerned that his real family would embarrass him.

concerned embarrass family frank real real-family

↓

Well, we've got them here with us tonight.

tonight

↓

How do you guys feel about that?

↓

Well...

↓

The situation...

situation

↓

...under the circumstances is quite understandable.

circumstances understandable

↓

Our appearance may seem gruesome, but all can be quite easily explained.

appearance easily explained gruesome

↓

Oh. Indeed.

indeed

↓

As you can tell, our voices have also been affected,

affected voices

↓

creating an unintentionally sinister tone.

creating sinister tone

↓

- So, where did things go wrong, guys? - Well...

↓

There seems to have been a miscalculation.

seems

↓

- Our hubris got the best of us. - Nonsense.

best nonsense

↓

There was no mix-up in the laboratory, no... ...neglect of the pH balance.

balance laboratory neglect

↓

It was my jealousy of these women

jealousy women

↓

that drove me to surreptitiously add 20 gallons

drove gallons

↓

of Nair hair removal into the concoction.

hair hair-removal removal

↓

Wait, wait, you did what?

↓

♪ You wear short shorts If you dare wear short shorts Nair for--♪

dare short shorts wear

↓

Yeah, we know the product.

product

↓

You're familiar with it?

familiar

↓

Do you guys know the song?

song

↓

- Yes, we know the goddamn song. - Yes.

goddamn song

↓

Uh. Okay, okay, okay, that's just...

↓

We're gonna stop right there.

↓

Uh. So with no help from his family whatsoever,

family whatsoever

↓

Frank is now left with the most important choice of his entire life.

choice entire entire-life frank left life

↓

And on that final night he had to make that choice alone.

alone choice final night

↓

Ooh.

↓

Frank, it's the final rose.

final frank rose

↓

This is it. So who will you choose?

choose

↓

Will it be Bonnie or Sara?

bonnie sara

↓

Who the hell is Sara?

sara

↓

You actually thought that the woman's birth name was Cock Chewa?

birth cock cock-chewa name womans

↓

Oh. Never gave it much thought.

↓

America is waiting.

america waiting

↓

Frank, who are you gonna give it to?

frank

↓

Well, Bonnie, you are a dirty, dirty slut.

bonnie dirty dirty-dirty slut

↓

Thank you, Frank.

frank

↓

And you're old as hell.

↓

But-But I gotta be honest, you bone me up like nobody else.

bone honest nobody

↓

So it's really hard not to choose you.

choose hard

↓

Chewy, I gotta be honest, I don't like the teeth.

chewy honest teeth

↓

I-I never understood the chewing thing. I mean, people like that?

chewing understood

↓

Chew on that thang?

chew thang

↓

It's weird as hell. It hurts, your chomping on it.

chomping hurts weird

↓

I mean, it's like...

↓

You go deep, deep, deep. The bottom? Oh.

bottom deep deep-deep

↓

I may never recover from that.

recover

↓

But I gotta say,

↓

you are so goddamn hot.

goddamn

↓

It is hard not to choose you.

choose hard

↓

I gotta make a decision.

decision

↓

I gotta make a decision.

decision

↓

And...

↓

my decision is...

decision

↓

Sam!

↓

Sam! Sam, where are you?

↓

Sam!

↓

Sam!

↓

Sam!

↓

Samantha! Samantha!

samantha

↓

Frank.

frank

↓

- Frank. - Saman... Oh.

frank

↓

Samantha, don't get on that bus.

samantha

↓

I'm a jerk. I'm an idiot.

idiot jerk

↓

But most of all I'm a coward.

coward

↓

I-I didn't let you go because I didn't like you.

↓

I-I got rid of you because I like you too much

↓

and it scared the shit out of me.

scared

↓

I'm just like you, Samantha.

samantha

↓

But together, we don't have to be afraid.

afraid

↓

Would you accept this rose and be my wife?

accept rose wife

↓

Frank,

frank

↓

I will.

↓

Be strong, Bonnie.

bonnie strong

↓

Be strong for your little gingerbread man.

gingerbread strong

↓

Bonnie?

bonnie

↓

How do you guys know each other?

↓

- This is my date. - Yeah.

date

↓

One. Two. Three.

three

↓

- Why are you doing everything in threes? - So Charlie doesn't die.

charlie threes

↓

Show us on the doll.

doll

↓

Show you what?

↓

Where he touched you.

touched

↓

I don't want a dog to eat my face, Charlie.

charlie face

↓

She doesn't want a dog eating her face.

eating face

↓

Oh. Sorry.

↓

You!

↓

- I'm so excited. It's almost Christmas! - I'm so excited!

christmas excited

↓

I'll be in the kitchen making gingerbread men for my gingerbread boy.

gingerbread kitchen