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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E06 — Overage Drinking: A National Concern

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 6 — Overage Drinking: A National Concern

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Overage Drinking: A National Concern

Air date: August 06, 2025

Director: Ashly Burch

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

When Tammy and Trey, now in their 40s, show up to remove their teenage son from Paddy's, Dennis and Dee attempt to reconnect with their former prom dates. Frank's sudden disappearance sends Mac and Charlie on a mission to track down his whereabouts.

Source: TMDB

↓

- [Mac] They are really going at it. - [Dee] Lot of tongue.

tongue

↓

[Dennis] Too much tongue.

dennis tongue

↓

I think it's kind of weird that we're watching them, right?

watching weird

↓

Well, it's hot. I think it'd be weird if we didn't watch them.

watch weird

↓

They are super young though.

super young

↓

- [Dennis] Yeah. - In fact, everybody here is super young.

dennis everybody fact super young

↓

- [Dee] Oh, goddamn. - Oh, come on.

goddamn

↓

- Hey, are you 21? - Yeah, what does it look like?

↓

Yeah, fuck off, grandpa.

fuck grandpa

↓

- [Dee gasps] - [Mac] Oh.

gasps

↓

- The mouth on him. - [Dennis] I mean

dennis mouth

↓

- [Dee] Heinous. - Wait a second.

heinous second

↓

Didn't we, like, just deal with this?

deal

↓

[Dee] We just dealt with something like this.

dealt

↓

- We did, right? - Not long ago.

↓

All right, let's kick 'em out.

kick

↓

- Goddamn it, Son. - [son] Shit.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- Oh, my God. - [parent] I can't believe you're in a bar.

believe parent

↓

[parent 2] You are in so much trouble.

parent trouble

↓

How many times do we have to tell you to stay away from her?

times

↓

We're in love.

love

↓

Yeah, and there's nothing you can do about it.

↓

- [Mac] Ooh. - Oh, my God. That was riveting.

riveting

↓

[Dee] Yeah, turned into a real Romeo and Juliet thing,

juliet real romeo turned

↓

- didn't it? - Yeah.

↓

[parent 1] I don't know what to do with him.

parent

↓

- He's gotta stop drinking. - [Dennis] Hey, guys.

dennis drinking

↓

You guys look familiar.

familiar

↓

Yeah, you do too.

↓

Hang on a second. What are your names?

hang names second

↓

I'm Trey. This is Tammy.

tammy trey

↓

Oh, shit. This is classic Tammy.

classic tammy

↓

- [all speak indistinct

indistinct speak

↓

[Charlie whispering] Trey and Tammy were lovers in high school,

charlie lovers school tammy trey whispering

↓

but she wanted to make Trey jealous by flirting with Dennis.

dennis flirting jealous trey wanted

↓

Dee tried to bang Trey, but he was only using her

bang trey tried using

↓

to get back at Tammy and it worked.

tammy worked

↓

They slept together on their prom night.

night prom prom-night slept

↓

They had a baby that they named Trey Jr.

baby named trey

↓

Trey Jr.'s in love with that girl named Kerry Bitaberry,

bitaberry girl girl-named kerry kerry-bitaberry love named trey

↓

but Trey and Tammy hate Kerry Bitaberry

bitaberry hate kerry kerry-bitaberry tammy trey

↓

because the Bitaberry family is trash, which they are.

bitaberry family trash

↓

Dennis and Dee are, like, super obsessed with Trey and Tammy still.

dennis obsessed super tammy trey

↓

I can pretty much tell by their body language.

body body-language language

↓

I think they're gonna try to bang them.

bang

↓

Huh? Did you say something? I wasn't listening.

listening

↓

[whispering] Oh, yeah. That's Trey and Tammy.

tammy trey whispering

↓

They were lovers in high school. Tammy tried to bang--

bang lovers school tammy tried

↓

Dude, I don't give a flying fuck about any of this gossipy bullshit.

bullshit flying fuck

↓

- You're not into teen drama? - No, because I am an adult.

adult drama teen

↓

And I like adult stories, like a sexual psychological thriller, you know?

adult psychological sexual stories thriller

↓

This has no weight to it.

weight

↓

Well, this has been fun catching up.

catching fun

↓

- [Dee] Yeah. - We're done? Okay.

↓

Yeah. Yeah, you know, we should do this more often.

often

↓

It's so hard to believe we haven't seen each other since high school.

believe hard school seen

↓

- Yeah. - Well, since we were in high school.

school

↓

You were 30.

↓

Okay. Well, let's not do that, you know? Time's all in your head, Tammy.

head tammy times

↓

And in your ass, apparently.

apparently

↓

- She's just making a joke. You look great. - It's true.

joke

↓

Well, if our son ever comes back in here again,

comes

↓

can you please send him home? Or at least not sell him alcohol?

alcohol home least sell send

↓

Speaking of which. I assume you will be picking up the tab, yeah?

assume picking speaking

↓

'Cause they kind of hustled out of here and you are legal guardians.

legal

↓

Yeah. I actually think that's a law.

↓

I think you have to pick up your child's tab if

childs pick

↓

Here. Let's go.

↓

- You gave him way too much-- Okay. - Now.

↓

Oh, man.

↓

- What a trip down memory lane, huh? - [door opens, closes]

closes door door-opens door-opens-closes lane memory opens opens-closes trip

↓

- Trey looks good. - Yeah, so does Tammy.

tammy trey

↓

Yeah, sometimes I feel like she might be the one that got away.

might sometimes

↓

Hey, did you sense something off between them?

sense

↓

Something was off, right? It was all in the body language.

body body-language language

↓

Yeah, there was a strain there, right? Right?

strain

↓

There was a strain there. God, that's hot.

strain

↓

- Is it? - Married, forbidden lust.

forbidden lust married

↓

- Uh-huh. - Ooh.

↓

I bet those two are just screaming for some strange.

screaming strange

↓

Yeah.

↓

[Charlie] This is classic Dee and Dennis stuff.

charlie classic dennis stuff

↓

I think they're gonna try to sleep with those two people

sleep

↓

that don't want to sleep with them at all.

sleep

↓

It's probably gonna wind up in a rape or a murder.

murder rape wind

↓

What?

↓

Jesus Christ, man.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

You know we can hear you? I would never do that.

↓

- Well - [sighs] Don't tell her though.

sighs

↓

[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music

↓

[Dee] This is very exciting. I got a couple of bits planned,

bits couple exciting planned

↓

- so just let me do my thing. - Oh, you Don't do bits.

bits

↓

No, no. Trust me.

trust

↓

Dee, I think let's throw 'em off the scent at first.

scent throw

↓

- I don't see how that's gonna be possible - [bell rings]

bell bell-rings possible rings

↓

- with all that cologne you're wearing. - That's actually not a cologne.

cologne wearing

↓

No, that's a pheromone serum I heard about on Rogan. Super cool, man.

cool heard rogan super super-cool

↓

It's like testicular fluid from, like, a bull's prostate or something like that.

bulls fluid prostate testicular

↓

I know it sounds strange, but it's scientifically proven

proven sounds strange

↓

to intimidate males and drive females wild.

drive females intimidate males wild

↓

Human females?

females human

↓

Focus, Dee. Stop. All right, listen.

focus

↓

Listen, once we get in there, let's split off by gender, okay?

gender split

↓

I'll have a man-to-man talk with Trey, and you do, I don't know,

trey

↓

whatever it is that you females do when you're alone with each other.

alone females

↓

And then let's find an excuse to split off again--

excuse split

↓

- Uh, take a shit. - Too gross.

gross

↓

Well, it's A shit is all I can think about.

↓

It's overwhelming, the smell that's coming off of you.

coming overwhelming smell

↓

The smell isn't coming off right to you.

coming smell

↓

It's a pheromonal thing because you're my sister, okay?

sister

↓

If it was working on you, then we'd have a real problem,

problem real real-problem working

↓

- wouldn't we? - That would be bad. All right.

↓

- Hey, Tammy. Hi. - Tammy, we were just in the neighborhood,

neighborhood tammy

↓

so we thought we'd just swing by and say hi.

swing

↓

- Yeah. - Oh. Hello.

↓

Are you expecting somebody else?

expecting somebody

↓

No, no. I was just wondering what that smell was.

smell wondering

↓

- Oh. - I guess the lawn got fertilized. So

lawn

↓

Oh.

↓

No, I think maybe, you're

↓

Maybe you're smelling a cool spring breeze?

breeze cool smelling spring

↓

Perhaps some freshly hung laundry.

freshly hung laundry perhaps

↓

Did one of you step in dog shit?

step

↓

- I don't think so. - I know I didn't.

↓

Okay, well, come on in. Take your shoes off.

shoes

↓

- [Tammy] Jesus. - No problem.

jesus problem tammy

↓

Don't. Just don't.

↓

[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music

↓

[door opens]

door door-opens opens

↓

Hey, dude. All right. Thanks for coming over, man.

coming thanks

↓

[groans] I need your help with something.

groans

↓

- [sighs] - Okay, w [sniffs]

sighs sniffs

↓

That smell. Has Dennis been here? I feel both intimidated and aroused.

aroused dennis intimidated smell

↓

Know what that is? That's the old piss cans.

cans piss

↓

I haven't changed them in, like, forever.

changed forever

↓

Is that why you asked me over here?

asked

↓

No. Look, remember when you said, like,

remember

↓

you wanted, like, a sexual psychological thriller thing?

psychological sexual thriller wanted

↓

You were more into those kind of stories.

stories

↓

You wanna sink your teeth into something like that,

sink teeth

↓

you know what I mean? I got something for you.

↓

I'm listening.

listening

↓

All right, take a look around this place.

place

↓

Something's missing. What is it?

missing somethings

↓

- A vacuum. - Stop. Come on, man. Be serious.

serious vacuum

↓

I am dead serious. Buddy, how I don't get it.

buddy dead dead-serious serious

↓

I mean, how can you be so obsessed with cleaning the bar

cleaning obsessed

↓

and yet you live in all this piss and shit?

live piss

↓

Dude, it's Frank.

frank

↓

- It's both of you. - Will you stop? It's Frank that's missing.

frank missing

↓

Well, how is that a psychological sex thriller?

psychological thriller

↓

Well, I don't know what it is, but it's strange, you know what I mean?

strange

↓

Like, he didn't come home last night.

home night

↓

He hasn't been at the bar recently.

recently

↓

Like some of his stuff's missing, you know?

missing stuffs

↓

I keep finding these, like, weird piles of hair everywhere.

finding hair piles weird

↓

The piles of hair could be from any one

hair piles

↓

of the wild animals that probably lives here.

animals lives wild

↓

Well, you gotta admit it's kind of strange.

admit strange

↓

Well, I'm not exactly thrilled, so it's not a thriller.

thrilled thriller

↓

But it is a mystery, I'll give you that. Okay, I'll bite.

bite mystery

↓

Where do you and Frank go when you're not together?

frank

↓

Well, if we're not together, we don't go anywhere.

↓

- Well, right now you're not together. - Well, I'm here.

↓

I recognize where you are.

recognize

↓

What we're trying to do is find out where Frank is.

frank

↓

- Oh. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay.

↓

Uh, he could be anywhere, you know?

↓

He could go under the bridge. He goes there a lot.

bridge

↓

- All right, we're getting somewhere. - Yeah.

↓

- Okay, I guess we gotta go - Check under the bridge. All right, cool.

bridge check cool

↓

Yeah, you see? You're pretty good at this.

↓

- That rules out anything sexy. - Yeah.

rules sexy

↓

- Yeah. Okay, let's go. - All right.

↓

ere he is.

↓

I thought you were taking a shit.

↓

No. Come on, don't be silly.

silly

↓

It's just the excuse I made to sort of peel off and be alone with you.

alone excuse peel

↓

You were in the bathroom for, like, 20 minutes.

bathroom minutes

↓

Yeah, I took a shit. But you know what? That's your fault, mister.

fault mister

↓

Because you get things moving inside me, you know?

moving

↓

- That's kind of gross. - Okay.

gross

↓

Listen, I'm trying to take a shot here, but you're making it hard.

hard shot

↓

Take a shot with what?

shot

↓

Like a suburban married drama, you know? A little infidelity.

drama married suburban

↓

Okay. Look

↓

If I'm being honest, uh, things aren't great between me and Tammy,

honest tammy

↓

- Ooh. - like sexually-wise right now.

sexually wise

↓

Maybe spicing things up in the bedroom might help.

bedroom might

↓

Yes. Okay, now you're talking.

↓

Okay. All right, let me finish up this laundry and then we can slip out of here.

finish laundry slip

↓

You always do the laundry?

laundry

↓

Yeah, and Tammy gets pissed if I do it half-assed.

assed half half-assed pissed tammy

↓

But I told her that I'd pick some things up

pick

↓

at the supermarket after I walk the dogs.

dogs supermarket walk

↓

So, I could sneak out after lunch.

lunch sneak

↓

So you do the grocery shopping, and you walk the dogs too?

dogs grocery grocery-shopping shopping walk

↓

- And the laundry? - I do, yeah. Yeah.

laundry

↓

- Do you do the dishes? - I do.

dishes

↓

Tammy makes all the money, I don't know what to tell you.

makes money tammy

↓

But like, I got some things on the side.

side

↓

I've been killing it at fantasy football.

fantasy football killing

↓

I gotta take a shit.

↓

- Tammy, Tammy, Tammy. - [chuckles]

chuckles tammy

↓

It's so great to be alone finally, isn't it?

alone finally

↓

God, I swear there's a dead animal in here somewhere.

animal dead swear

↓

There's no dead animal in here.

animal dead

↓

- Might have to fumigate the entire house. - Enough with the smells. Let's

entire entire-house house might smells

↓

Let's focus on the feelings.

feelings focus

↓

The feelings?

feelings

↓

Yeah, well, you're feeling trapped. You're feeling depressed.

depressed feeling trapped

↓

Life used to be so exciting, and now it's dull and dreary.

dull exciting life used

↓

Well, being married isn't the easiest thing in the world.

easiest married world

↓

I can only imagine. I wouldn't know though.

imagine

↓

Yeah, I live free. Like a wild beast.

beast free live wild

↓

Okay.

↓

Maybe Trey's gotten a little bit too complacent.

gotten treys

↓

Maybe old Tammy needs to take a page out of young Tammy's notebook.

needs notebook page tammy tammys young

↓

What are you talking about?

↓

Let's bang and make Trey jealous.

bang jealous trey

↓

[scoffs]

scoffs

↓

Oh, God. That's what this is about?

↓

Yeah.

↓

I'm not gonna bang you.

bang

↓

- Well - Uh-uh.

↓

I have to take a shit.

↓

[Dennis sighs]

dennis dennis-sighs sighs

↓

- Trey's a pussy. I couldn't do it. - Yeah, I couldn't do it either.

pussy treys

↓

Tammy was all over me, but I found the whole thing boring.

boring found tammy whole

↓

You know why? Because it's adult drama.

adult drama

↓

That's why it's boring.

boring

↓

Teen drama is exciting 'cause everything's brand-new.

brand drama everythings exciting teen

↓

Adult stuff's just the same thing over and over and over and over.

adult stuffs

↓

Yeah. See, teen drama's forged in lust.

forged lust teen

↓

Adult drama's forged in sadness.

adult forged sadness

↓

So sad. He was folding the laundry.

folding laundry

↓

- What? - He does that every day.

↓

- She should be doing that. - Of course she should.

course

↓

You know what else? He goes grocery shopping.

grocery grocery-shopping shopping

↓

What? Why?

↓

Because he's a pussy like I said.

pussy

↓

Oh. Okay. Well, let's get out of here 'cause I do have to take shit for real.

real

↓

Not me.

↓

[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music

↓

I'm actually getting a little worried about Frank, man.

frank worried

↓

All right, well, don't get melodramatic. This isn't a soap opera.

melodramatic opera soap

↓

Why do they call 'em that? There's no soap involved.

involved soap

↓

- And no singing. - Right? Nothing operatic about it.

singing

↓

No, not sure. Either way, it's not the kind of mystery we want.

mystery

↓

You see, we want a rising tension to make the comedy or tragedy

comedy rising tension tragedy

↓

feel more satisfying in the end.

satisfying

↓

The wha The tragedy?

tragedy

↓

Yeah. We don't know what this is yet, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Well, how would a tragedy feel satisfying?

satisfying tragedy

↓

Well, okay. What if we came down here and we found Frank

found frank

↓

with a bullet in his head and a suicide note?

bullet head note suicide

↓

- Not satisfying. - Not satisfying. Very tragic.

satisfying tragic

↓

However, there could be an overall poetic sense of completion

overall poetic sense

↓

to his inevitable story arc

inevitable story

↓

due to Frank's historically terrible life choices.

choices franks historically life

↓

And somehow, as a viewer,

viewer

↓

- I would feel satisfied by the - There would be a subconscious

satisfied subconscious

↓

Yeah, that's not gonna work for me at all, man.

↓

What the hell are you talking about, dude?

↓

- Well, it's the hero's journey. - There he is.

journey

↓

[Charlie] Cricket. Hey, man.

charlie cricket

↓

Shit. What's good, baby? What's popping?

baby popping

↓

What's with the, uh, dreadlocks and the voice you're doing?

voice

↓

Oh. Yeah no, ain't no voice, baby.

aint baby voice

↓

I'm just evolving right down here under the bridge, you know what I mean?

bridge evolving

↓

Just trying to spread my business to a more diverse clientele,

business clientele diverse spread

↓

- you know what I mean? - [Mac] No. I don't feel you, no.

↓

I feel like this is not cool. Like, is this a good plot twist?

cool notcool plot twist

↓

- What is this? - This is

↓

There's nothing good about this. This is giving me the ick.

giving

↓

Yeah, this is just

↓

I feel like we're dancing around a very dangerous line here.

dancing dangerous line

↓

You know, just having, like, a white guy talking like, you know,

having white

↓

"What it is, man?" Is not I'm just doing Cricket.

cricket

↓

- I'm just doing Cricket. Right? - We're not supposed to do it.

cricket supposed

↓

We're past it as a society.

past society

↓

It's okay for the detective to make fun of the suspect.

detective fun suspect

↓

Hold up. Why y'all saying suspect? Am I a suspect?

suspect yall

↓

Well, we don't know what you are yet, do we, Cricket?

cricket

↓

If this got something to do with that john who got his dick bit off,

dick john

↓

I don't know shit, all right? I wasn't there, and I didn't see shit.

↓

And I don't know where the dick is, okay?

dick

↓

- You bit a dude's dick off, man? - No, I didn't bite it. No, no.

bite dick dudes

↓

They take the dick, and I don't know what they do with it,

dick

↓

and I don't ask, okay?

↓

- Who's they? - Who's they?

↓

It doesn't matter 'cause I don't know shit, and I'm not talking.

matter

↓

I'm gonna blow past this, especially 'cause I feel uncomfortable

blow especially past uncomfortable

↓

with you talking like this. Where's Frank?

frank

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

- Now, that I really can't talk about. - Why not?

↓

Well, he made me sign an NDA, so this cricket ain't chirping.

aint chirping cricket sign

↓

An NDA? That's good. That brings us right back around to a mystery.

brings mystery

↓

How's that good, dude?

↓

It means there's a paper trail. Cricket, do you have a copy of this NDA?

copy cricket paper trail

↓

Maybe I do. Maybe I don't.

↓

Stop with this, dude. Stop. I'm gonna kick the shit out of you, man.

kick

↓

- Don't step to me. - [Charlie] Okay, all right.

charlie step

↓

- All right, I won't. I won't, but - [Mac] Don't step to him.

step

↓

I need to know where Frank is, bro.

frank

↓

All right. You know You know Goddamn, fine.

goddamn

↓

I'll give you this, but then your Marian the Librarian ass

librarian

↓

has gotta roll up out of here. Man, y'all blowing up my spot.

blowing roll spot yall

↓

- What is Marian the Librarian? - The Music Man . Know your culture.

culture librarian music

↓

I feel so uncomfortable with this whole thing.

uncomfortable whole

↓

"Matthew Mara is hereby barred from any communication

communication hereby mara matthew matthew-mara

↓

about Frank Reynolds or Frank will sue his ass."

frank frank-reynolds reynolds

↓

Well, that doesn't help us at all, dude.

↓

Yes, it does. Look who his lawyer is.

lawyer

↓

- Who? - Jack Kelly, attorney-at-lawyering.

attorney jack jack-kelly kelly

↓

Okay, you're sure this wouldn't be better to handle at my office?

handle office

↓

You have an office? That in itself is a mysterious twist.

mysterious office twist

↓

No, he doesn't. He's talking about my mom's basement.

basement moms

↓

I have a filing cabinet and a computer.

cabinet computer filing

↓

You have a filing cabinet until the FBI comes.

cabinet comes filing

↓

[stammering]

stammering

↓

It's so annoying we got to go through him.

annoying

↓

- [Jack] Okay, all right. - What is the deal with Frank and this NDA?

deal frank jack

↓

He's been getting some of his affairs in order.

affairs order

↓

What does that mean, his affairs? What's going on with him? Where is the guy?

affairs

↓

Okay, well, he passed info to me,

info passed

↓

but I only have permission to show Charlie.

charlie permission

↓

Why?

↓

Well, because he's the one listed as the president of Frank's foundation.

foundation franks listed president

↓

Okay. Well, this is news to me. I'm sorry, what foundation?

foundation news

↓

Yeah, and what's my role in the foundation?

foundation role

↓

Um

↓

Well, I'm not seeing you listed anywhere in here.

listed seeing

↓

That's impossible. Frank's always talking about me, isn't he?

franks impossible

↓

And how I should be more involved in his affairs.

affairs involved

↓

I'm gonna tell Charlie,

charlie

↓

and then after I leave, he can tell you if he likes.

likes

↓

This is bullshit.

bullshit

↓

Charlie, there's gotta be room for me in the foundation.

charlie foundation room

↓

I don't know. You know, there's a lot to think about

↓

now that I'm president, you know what I mean?

president

↓

I gotta find Frank. I gotta find out what I'm president of.

frank president

↓

You know, these are big decisions.

decisions

↓

They're kinda over your head, man.

head kinda

↓

Yeah. All right, I'm gonna pass the info to you, okay?

info pass

↓

- Whoa! I didn't sign off on that maneuver. - [Mac laughs]

laughs maneuver sign whoa

↓

Charlie, we've got an address.

address charlie

↓

Yeah, but I didn't sign off on that, man.

sign

↓

I needed to be able to do my job, all right?

able needed

↓

This is my job, getting the information, getting the facts.

facts information

↓

This is thrilling. What is this?

thrilling

↓

Uh, it seems like we've transitioned into a bit of a political thriller.

political seems thriller

↓

Ah.

↓

I like those. Needs a chase scene.

chase needs scene

↓

You wanna chase me around the apartment?

apartment chase

↓

- No, we're not gonna do that - [Mac] I don't wanna be in that movie.

movie

↓

with you, Uncle Jack.

jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

Well, I banged her.

banged

↓

- [Dee] What? - Yeah.

↓

- Who? Tammy? - No, uh, Tammy's son's prom date.

date prom prom-date sons tammy tammys

↓

- Kerry Bitaberry? - Yeah.

bitaberry kerry kerry-bitaberry

↓

- Oh. - Yeah.

↓

Yeah, I was going for that forbidden teen drama thing, you know?

drama forbidden teen

↓

I convinced her that Trey Jr. cheated on her,

cheated convinced trey

↓

and the only way she could get back at him was to sleep with me.

sleep

↓

- [groans] - [chuckles]

chuckles groans

↓

Gross.

gross

↓

Yeah, and you know what?

↓

It was kinda gross, but probably not for the reasons you're thinking.

gross kinda reasons thinking

↓

It was gross because she wasn't satisfying to me.

gross satisfying

↓

- [gasps] - She didn't know any moves, you know?

gasps moves

↓

I tried to teach her, but she wouldn't listen to any of my commands.

commands teach tried

↓

- Can you believe this? - [gasps]

believe gasps

↓

Yeah, and now she's blowing up my phone, you know?

blowing phone

↓

She made me a playlist, like We don't have a song.

playlist song

↓

How could we have a song together? We listen to no music whatsoever.

music song whatsoever

↓

The whole thing was done in silence. Except for the noises that I was making.

except noises silence whole

↓

- Stop. - What's grossing you out?

↓

- The fact that she wasn't satisfying me? - The fact that she's a child.

child fact satisfying

↓

No, she's not a child.

child

↓

- She's 19 years old, I checked. - Still a teen.

checked teen years

↓

Well, she has to be a teen. I thought we were doing a Romeo and Juliet thing.

juliet romeo teen

↓

Juliet was not banging an old man.

banging juliet

↓

Dee, you know what? Just stop.

↓

I think the fact that she was 19 is actually the reason

fact reason

↓

why Trey and Tammy didn't want their son dating her,

dating tammy trey

↓

because she was robbing the cradle. You know?

cradle robbing

↓

- Okay, all right. - Why are you so grossed out by this?

grossed

↓

- You know what? I gotta go. - Where are you going?

↓

I gotta go bang Trey Jr.

bang trey

↓

Why?

↓

Because we're doing a thing and I gotta win.

↓

All right.

↓

His address is a storage unit. You think he's in there?

address storage unit

↓

I don't know, man. Yeah, this could be, like,

↓

the secret headquarters of the foundation or something.

foundation headquarters secret

↓

That seems more like a James Bond spy thing.

bond james james-bond seems

↓

That doesn't really fit.

↓

I don't know, dude. The foundation's got a lot of international stuff happening.

international stuff

↓

You don't even know what the foundation is.

foundation

↓

- Got it. Sixty-nine. Sixty-nine. - Well, of course.

course nine sixty

↓

- [Mac] No Frank. - Yeah.

frank

↓

What is this? "Toys for the foundation. Ship to Africa."

africa foundation ship toys

↓

I told you we had international dealings, you know what I mean?

international

↓

Africa is a big market for us, you know?

africa market

↓

We do a lot of, you know, trading of in the toy sector.

sector trading

↓

You know, don't even ask too many questions about it.

questions

↓

It's, like, annoying how much

annoying

↓

you're prying me about trying to be in the foundation.

foundation

↓

Let's see what's in here.

↓

I mean, like, maybe I can finagle you like a

↓

like an entry level position, but I can't just put you on the board or

board entry level position

↓

What am I looking at here? What is this?

looking

↓

"Rhino." These are dick pills, man. Jesus.

dick jesus pills

↓

All right, well it took a sexual turn. That's kind of interesting.

interesting sexual

↓

What is he doing in here with the dick pills?

dick pills

↓

What's on the tape? What is this about?

tape

↓

[Mac] I don't know. Should we watch it? I don't want to.

watch

↓

Yeah, I'm a little concerned about what I might see here.

concerned might

↓

I think you got to shield your eyes because he's most likely,

eyes likely shield

↓

almost definitely, for sure gonna be naked and fucking.

fucking naked

↓

Let's just hit play and let's just see what it's about.

↓

- Okay, we'll just Yeah, okay. - [Charlie] Let me know if he's got his

charlie

↓

Hey, I'm Frank. I've had a few great loves in my life.

frank life loves

↓

I lost one to racial injustice. Another one OD'd.

another injustice lost racial

↓

Lost a wife to a botched neck job, but that's a whole other story.

botched lost neck story whole wife

↓

But I haven't had a love in my life for a long time, you know?

life love

↓

And I'm not sure how long I can go on without it.

↓

[lighting striking, tape glitching]

lighting striking tape

↓

- That's it? - I don't know.

↓

Looks like he taped over some old Highlander episodes

episodes taped

↓

- and ran out of tape. - He always does that.

tape

↓

He forgets where the tape

forgets tape

↓

What is this, man? What's he doing? I don't get it.

↓

He's doing a lot of dick pills, 'cause these are all empty.

dick empty pills

↓

Oh, shit. Oh, shit, dude. That's not good.

↓

Frank always said he wanted his dick and his heart to explode at the same time.

dick explode frank heart wanted

↓

Dude, did he kill himself?

kill

↓

If he did, he did it hard as a rock.

hard rock

↓

[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music

↓

Knock, knock.

knock knock-knock

↓

Jesus Christ. You are a boy.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Sorry, you are a lot younger than I than I remember.

remember younger

↓

- Huh? - Yeah.

↓

In my head you looked a bit more like a man,

head looked

↓

but boy, are you not. You're a kid. You're a kid.

↓

- How in God's name did Dennis do this? - Do what?

dennis gods gods-name name

↓

I'm trying to beat my brother. You wouldn't get it.

beat brother

↓

- Are you the lady from the bar? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

lady

↓

Let's just power through and get to the hot part, right?

part power

↓

So sex. Sex.

↓

You are inexperienced and sex is exciting and maybe a little nerve-wracking.

exciting nerve

↓

The kids at my school have been sleeping with each other for a decade.

decade kids school sleeping

↓

I don't need your whole backstory. You are 18, right?

backstory whole

↓

I don't wanna be mean,

↓

but my granny isn't that much older than you.

granny older

↓

- Your granny? - Yeah.

granny

↓

Um, I will have you know I went to high school with your mom. So

school

↓

She said when she was in high school you were 40.

school

↓

- I was 30. - What's the difference?

difference

↓

Ten years! Ten years is the diff

years

↓

Listen to me, you little shit.

↓

Dennis slept with your prom date.

date dennis prom prom-date slept

↓

Oh, yeah. Does that make you sad?

↓

Do you wanna suck your thumb, little boy? I gotta go.

suck thumb

↓

Well, you win, Dennis. I couldn't do it.

dennis

↓

So it wasn't really a win-lose thing maybe.

lose

↓

Of course it was, all right.

course

↓

But to be very clear, the kid wanted to, I just am not a criminal.

clear criminal wanted

↓

I'm not a criminal either. Kerry Bitaberry is 19 years old.

bitaberry criminal kerry kerry-bitaberry years

↓

The only crime here is Kerry Bitaberry's inability to satisfy a lover.

crime inability kerry lover satisfy

↓

Well, then I probably did Trey Jr. a favor by telling him.

favor telling trey

↓

Yeah, I guess Wait, what? You told him?

↓

Yeah, I told him. He took it pretty hard.

hard

↓

It was juicy. I think he's gonna try and fight you after school.

fight juicy school

↓

Although, watching a grown man be pummeled by a kid in his prime

grown prime watching

↓

is more sad than dramatic, if I'm being honest.

dramatic honest

↓

Goddamn it, Dee. Why'd you tell him? I mean, that's

goddamn goddamn-it whyd

↓

two local teens attempted suicide

attempted local suicide teens

↓

when they drove off the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

bridge drove mansion strawberry

↓

Fortunately, the teens survived the crash,

crash fortunately survived teens

↓

although both sustained injuries and will be likely severely disfigured.

disfigured injuries likely severely sustained

↓

Oh

↓

Well, I could definitely kick his ass now, right? He's all jacked up.

jacked kick

↓

Wha What?

↓

You're not gonna make me feel bad about this, okay? I don't feel bad.

↓

I don't feel anything.

↓

- [door opens] - Guys, we got a problem.

door door-opens opens problem

↓

Frank took all his dick pills.

dick frank pills

↓

- [Dennis sighs] - Oh.

dennis dennis-sighs sighs

↓

- He's gonna commit suicide. - He's gonna commit suicide.

commit commit-suicide suicide

↓

Yeah, yeah. 'Cause his penis is

penis

↓

[Dee] Hey, speaking of suicide.

speaking suicide

↓

Dennis almost killed a couple of teenagers.

couple dennis killed teenagers

↓

Yeah, they drove off a bridge, but they're still alive.

alive bridge drove

↓

Who? Kerry Bitaberry and Trey Jr.?

bitaberry kerry kerry-bitaberry trey

↓

- [Dee] That's them. - You bet.

↓

- That's classic Dennis. - Come on, man.

classic dennis

↓

Maybe teen drama does have some weight to it 'cause that's like a tragedy.

drama teen tragedy weight

↓

Uh, well I mean, it's really only a tragedy if they die.

tragedy

↓

You know, if they're just, like, mangled and stuff,

mangled stuff

↓

then I think it's nothing. It's not anything.

↓

- You know, maybe a horror film? - All right, well, we're still in a mystery

film horror mystery

↓

- 'cause Frank is missing. - [Dee] Uh, guys

frank missing

↓

- one of Philadelphia's own has been - I think I found him.

found philadelphias

↓

selected to be the next Golden Bachelor .

bachelor golden golden-bachelor selected

↓

Local businessman and philanthropist, Frank Reynolds is looking for love.

businessman frank frank-reynolds local looking love philanthropist reynolds

↓

Frank's Global Youth Foundation brings joy to needy children.

brings children foundation franks global needy youth

↓

I want to share that joy with someone I can spend the rest of my life with.

life rest share spend

↓

Seems like a great guy. We hope you find true love, Frank.

frank hope love seems

↓

We'll be rooting for you.

rooting

↓

Well, that's what you call a plot twist.

plot twist

↓

[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music