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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S04E05 — Mac and Charlie Die (1)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 4, Episode 5 — Mac and Charlie Die (1)

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Mac and Charlie Die (1)
Air date: October 02, 2008
Directors: Matt Shakman, Fred Savage
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Part 1 of 2. Mac and Charlie fake their deaths to avoid the wrath of Mac's father who was released from prison and is out for vengeance.
Source: TMDB
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WARDEN: Okay, so just to clarify for the parole board once again,
boardclarifyparolewarden
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you are claiming that your father threatened to, quote,
claimingfatherquotethreatened
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"Eat the living shit out of you."
living
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(microphone feedback whines) Uh, that is correct.
correctfeedbackmicrophonemicrophone-feedbackwhines
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Mr. Kelly, in your sworn statement to police, you've claimed
claimedkellypolicestatementsworn
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that the prisoner told you that if you didn't, and I quote,
prisonerquote
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"Jam a bunch of stuff into your butt,
bunchbuttstuff
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he was going to rape you so hard the room would stink."
hardraperoomstink
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And he was going to, quote,
quote
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"Eat your butt and his son's butt in the stink
buttsonsstink
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"until his stomach was full of...
fullstomach
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Your butts."
butts
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Is this correct?
correct
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(microphone feedback whines) That is also correct. Oh, man...
correctfeedbackmicrophonemicrophone-feedbackwhines
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Warden, they're lying. I do not wanna hurt them.
hurtlyingwarden
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In fact, I wanna get as far away from those two
fact
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as I possibly can.
possibly
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BOTH: Objection! That's an objection, Your Honor! He's lying.
honorlyingobjection
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- Hey! Hey, hey, hey! - Move to strike!
strike
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Quiet! Sit down! Sit down! Get your hands off the microphone!
handsmicrophonequiet
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Just leave it in the middle of the two of you. Leave it alone!
alonemiddle
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Take your hands off the mike! Leave it alone. Leave it there.
alonehandsmike
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LUTHER (clears throat): Yes.
clearsclears-throatlutherthroat
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A few weeks ago, they came to apologize for getting me arrested.
apologizearrestedweeks
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I did not accept their apology.
acceptapology
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That never happened! Shut up!
happened
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- Charlie, shut up! - Quiet! Quiet at the hearing!
charliehearingquiet
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Not gonna accept our apology? Okay, fine. Plan B, bitch.
acceptapologybitchplan
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I'm gonna tell those parole board dickheads
boarddickheadsparole
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that you said you were gonna rape my butt until the room stinks.
buttraperoomstinks
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And then you're gonna eat my butt until your stomach's full of butt,
buttfullstomachs
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full of my butt and full of Mac's butt.
buttfullmacs
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- You're not gonna say it... - I'm gonna say something like that.
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MAC: Charlie, I'm telling you, running away is not the answer.
answercharlierunningtelling
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Mac, we're gonna need supplies on the road. So just calm down.
calmroadsupplies
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Help me throw some stuff into the stick and bindle.
stickstuffthrow
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Dude, no matter where we go, my dad will find us.
matter
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While I admit it would be awesome to be hoboes drifting from town to town
admitawesomedriftinghoboestown
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solving mysteries, I think we need to find a real solution.
mysteriesrealsolutionsolving
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Oh, my God! How do hoboes fit all their stuff into a bandana?
bandanahoboesstuff
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It doesn't make sense, man! We're gonna need like a towel
sensetowel
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or a tablecloth or something! But, ah! It's not gonna look cool!
cool
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- We're gonna look like assholes. - Wait a second. That's it.
assholessecond
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I got it. Forget the bindle.
forget
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The only way that my dad is not going to kill us
kill
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s if he thinks we're already dead. - Great. I was hoping you say that.
deadhopingthinks
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- Let's kill ourselves. - No.
kill
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- No. You didn't let me finish. - It's no problem, I'm on board.
boardfinishproblem
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I grab a knife, I'm gonna jab it into your neck,
grabknifeneck
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I'll yank it out, and then your blood's...
yank
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- No, buddy, listen... - You'll die in five or 10 minutes.
buddyfiveminutes
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Depending on how horrific it looks, I'll probably do it myself too.
dependinghorrific
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Okay, listen. I was gonna say we fake our own death.
deathfake
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He thinks we're dead and he leaves us alone.
alonedeadleavesthinks
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Yeah, right. Either way works. Let's pick one before he gets here!
pickworks
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Let's pick the second one where we don't actually die.
picksecond
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Calm down! We'll pick the second one.
calmpicksecond
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Now, let's think. We gotta do it in some way that's convincing.
convincing
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If we were gonna kill ourselves it'd be awesome, right?
awesomekill
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Yeah. If we were gonna kill ourselves, it would be with class.
classkill
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- I mean, because... - Of course it would be with class.
classcourse
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What do you think, I'm not gonna die with class?
class
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- Maybe some type of explosion? - Of course it's gonna be explosion!
courseexplosiontype
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- You think I'm not gonna explode? - I'm thinking, Charlie.
charlieexplodethinking
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It would be some kind of a blaze of glory...
blazeglory
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Of course it's gonna be a blaze of glory. I'm going down right now.
blazecourseglory
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- Hold on a second. - What's up?
second
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Okay, all right. So...
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- Did I miss something? - You're not getting this.
miss
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I'll walk you through the steps as we go.
stepswalk
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First step, do not douse yourself with lighter fluid.
fluidlighterlighter-fluidstep
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DEE: Whoa. What is that? FRANK: I don't know.
frankwhoa
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You think it's for watching somebody poop?
poopsomebodywatching
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You think there's some perv coming in here to watch me make?
comingpervwatch
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What are you guys doing in here? I got to go to the bathroom.
bathroom
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There's a hole in the wall. We're trying to figure out what it is.
figureholewall
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Well, well, well, Deandra.
deandra
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Would you look at that.
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(chuckles) Frank, Dee, what you two have discovered today
chucklesdiscoveredfranktoday
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s what is most commonly referred to as a glory hole.
gloryglory-holeholereferred
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A glory hole?
gloryglory-holehole
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A secret portal created as a passageway
createdportalsecret
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for one to safely insert one's penis.
insertonespenissafely
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I'm sorry. A hole to stick your dick in?
dickholestick
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Yes, Dee. The partition acts as a physical barrier,
actsphysical
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thus ensuring anonymity throughout the spontaneous act of copulation
spontaneousthroughout
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or fellatio or, at the very least, a hand job.
handleast
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What? Why? Why would you wanna have sex with someone you can't see?
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Dee, I think the real question is,
questionrealreal-question
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why wouldn't you wanna have sex with someone you can't see?
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It's very European. You see, Europe leads the way in sexual exploration.
europeeuropeanexplorationleadssexual
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And, quite frankly, I think it's time we caught up.
caughtfrankly
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This sounds hot. I'm gonna go get some duct tape.
ductduct-tapesoundstape
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Whoa! Hold on a second, Frank.
franksecondsecond-frankwhoa
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Before you go sticking anything through that hole,
holesticking
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you might wanna consider that on the other side of this wall,
considermightsidewall
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more often than not, there's a dude.
often
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But you can't see through the wall.
wall
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So how do you know it's not a girl?
girl
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I mean, I can just picture a girl, and then... It's good. (chuckles)
chucklesgirlpicture
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Right. Well, some might find that method effective,
effectivemethodmight
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but it's a dangerous game you're playing, Frank.
dangerousfrankgameplaying
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Supposing the other guy is picturing a girl also?
girlpicturing
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How is he gonna do that with a dick in his mouth?
dickmouth
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I don't know. That's his problem.
problem
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We're filling it in.
filling
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- Okay, buddy, you ready? - Are you sure we have to do this?
buddyready
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Charlie, yes, we have to do this.
charlie
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If the cops are gonna identify the bodies,
bodiescopsidentify
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we need to leave dental records behind, right?
behinddentalrecords
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So we leave a couple of teeth. Bing-bang-boom!
bangbang-boombingboomcoupleteeth
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- I feel like it's gonna hurt. - It's gonna hurt like a bitch.
bitchhurt
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- Okay, ready? - Uh-huh.
ready
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- One, two... - Uh-oh. Wait.
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- That just came out on its own. - Yeah, that slipped right out.
slipped
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I barely pulled that. I barely pulled that.
barelypulled
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(gasps) What?
gasps
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- Damn, dude. - That's another.
another
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You should really brush your teeth more, 'cause that is not normal.
brushnormalteeth
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(yelps) Oh! Charlie, stop pulling your teeth out.
charliepullingteethyelps
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- They're just coming right out. - You're freaking me out.
comingfreaking
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- They, like, slip right out. - It's really freaking me out.
freakingslip
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(knock on door) Oh, shit.
doorknock
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- Oh, shit. - You think it's my dad?
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- Of course it's your dad, dude. - Shh.
course
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DEE: Charlie, open up. We got a dick hole in the bar.
charliedickdick-holeholeopen
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I need you to come fill it in. (sighs)
fillsighs
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- I got to go fill her dick hole. - Okay. No, no, bro.
dickdick-holefillhole
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Come on, we don't have time. Okay. Audible.
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Grab the camera. Is Dee's car outside?
cameradeesgrab
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- Uh, yes. - Okay, great.
↓
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We'll steal it. We'll use it as a part of blaze of glory.
blazeglorypartsteal
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(yelps) Now you got to stop. Give it to me. Give me the teeth.
teethyelps
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Okay, I got them in my pocket. Okay. Shh.
pocket
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- Hey! What the... (thud) - Okay, go, go, go, go. (Dee yells)
thudyells
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(screams)
screams
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- Why would you do that? - Don't know. It's happening fast.
fast
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7e27641b-03d4-4277-98d5-572a593f6656.gif
- You could've just opened it. - That's true.
couldveopened
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I'll fire you through that window. All right, grab the... No!
firegrabwindow
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- Just go. - Let's go. Grab the camera.
cameragrab
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Okay. So... The videotape is done.
videotape
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My teeth are scattered throughout the car.
scatteredteeththroughout
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- And the will is in place. - Okay. Great.
place
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Toss it out the window. They'll think we did it at the last minute.
minutetosswindow
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Okay. Got it. What's next?
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I'm gonna gun this car as fast as it goes directly into that wall.
directlyfastwall
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Judging by the distance, I'm thinking I can get her up to about
distancejudgingthinking
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60, 70 miles an hour. - Oh, definitely. Definitely.
hourmiles
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At the last second, I'm thinking maybe three feet from the wall,
feetsecondthinkingthreewall
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we jump out to safety, the car explodes in a hot ball of fury.
ballexplodesfuryjumpsafety
↓
7c20ff06-bf9c-4858-9fc1-bf0658c58bdc.gif
- And we're dead to the world. - Okey-dokey. Good luck with that.
deaddokeyluckokeyokey-dokeyworld
↓
5e816cc3-9037-4fe4-93a8-6e2573841dd9.gif
Wait. Where you going, dude?
↓
c622d27a-0f49-4051-bbda-8253011bf9c4.gif
Well, I'm gonna... I'm gonna watch you do it.
watch
↓
884b620b-1e34-4831-af7e-1083395862d5.gif
- No. We need to do it together. - I'm not really doing anything.
↓
d471e7bf-0de2-4777-a16a-613f62b1f802.gif
Yes, you are, Charlie. You're here for moral support.
charliemoralsupport
↓
f301b7a8-6140-4b0a-8036-044d7848539e.gif
If no one's actually seeing us jump out of the car...
jumponesseeing
↓
790740b4-7cbc-4e42-9e80-66210063af43.gif
We're gonna kill ourselves together. You get out. I'll do it myself.
kill
↓
5b8e9666-d1a7-4ad7-b5c9-0ed8ba84e690.gif
The whole thing's gonna be better without me anyway, Mac.
whole
↓
71946566-1680-46c4-8b5b-319a3513114d.gif
It's gonna be great without me. All right, buddy, good luck.
buddyluck
↓
ed9ada7f-e8d5-45f2-9ada-a40d2a0b748b.gif
Pussy.
pussy
↓
04da18ff-4870-403f-8ed5-60466583ce0e.gif
(engine revving)
engineengine-revvingrevving
↓
7d613d19-c88c-4c23-8ff6-3377c27fd3ef.gif
(screaming) Mac!
screaming
↓
b2cc9c0b-2f89-4216-97fb-dbf41ca625a1.gif
Holy shit! Are you all right? Why didn't you jump out?
holyjump
↓
544fc486-af3e-4a64-ad97-d5e2d845f88c.gif
- Holy shit! - I'm okay, Charlie.
charlieholy
↓
8bf9c902-7f26-4469-8a1d-fb508a473588.gif
- Dude! Oh, my God! - I was going too fast.
fast
↓
0abce49f-5cf4-484d-8615-494c3f382b7a.gif
Oh, my God. Let's get out of here.
↓
62eecfea-6cff-4568-b6a8-6dc75cd92e08.gif
We're gonna have to burn the car. We'll have to get some gasoline.
burngasoline
↓
0b94783c-850c-4178-bbec-c11ecbd904bb.gif
Holy shit! (laughing) Whoo!
holylaughingwhoo
↓
b223c2b6-ba31-4364-a382-5a208dcc196a.gif
Pawn shop, dude?
pawnpawn-shopshop
↓
309a5779-28cf-44f0-902c-d30a8bcb2072.gif
We're not gonna find something to burn the car at a pawn shop.
burnpawnpawn-shopshop
↓
c9acd237-e22c-4086-a765-9b6014b890ec.gif
Are you kidding me? You can find amazing things in pawn shops.
amazingkiddingpawnshops
↓
02bddc91-8f5d-4980-a7dc-f4d989f2942c.gif
What about a gas station?
station
↓
2680a516-e8aa-4ebd-b9b8-24646b7c61a5.gif
- You can buy some gasoline. - We said this the whole walk over.
gasolinewalkwhole
↓
1b00f4e6-bffa-4bb3-af23-5720ddf69a36.gif
You can't go to a gas station. There's too many cameras.
camerasstation
↓
74872249-89c3-4673-8d71-a7670862a5ec.gif
Bro, I say something, and then you forget it two seconds later, okay.
forgetseconds
↓
04b3c8fd-da1c-479f-8734-d43cda73f5a6.gif
You sure you're all right? Your ear's bleeding a ton.
bleedingears
↓
72fbf533-d606-4e51-9a2a-8832d5a877a0.gif
- I feel like one million dollars. - All right, you don't seem like...
dollarsmillionmillion-dollars
↓
8f632cdb-99c1-4286-9420-ea50840ef029.gif
Focus, Mr. Million dollars and let's find something to blow up a car.
blowdollarsfocusmillionmillion-dollars
↓
7eaf876c-f798-4e32-84b5-ef5e12307314.gif
Oh! Charlie, look at that wedding dress, dude. That's sad.
charliedressweddingwedding-dress
↓
c9d3f7e9-d221-4c6c-9641-6d50593d9954.gif
Okay, that is not gonna blow a car up, okay? So can you focus?
blowfocus
↓
a2f43c8d-82e3-43e1-9823-f6ff9229f501.gif
Will you please find a way to focus? Oh, shit, look at this, dude.
focus
↓
b029d730-b123-46c0-ac18-ab97bc95e72a.gif
- Now we're talking. - Damn, they sell guns here?
gunssell
↓
658cd597-8c25-4c13-af8a-2a8c214ed538.gif
They sell everything here. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
sell
↓
db102809-cf1f-4958-99d4-c67ebe9b7592.gif
Pawn shops are like international waters.
internationalpawnshopswaters
↓
4d986180-16bd-4819-a6ba-50fbc50f1d06.gif
People come in and they just trade stuff.
stufftrade
↓
e64fb7ea-ee28-45ef-b056-8a1606c198bd.gif
Anything goes here. We can get whatever we want.
↓
16be8c08-8fce-4cd4-b819-b0908b95a0e4.gif
- Let's pick this bad boy up. - Shit, that's awesome. Good.
awesomepick
↓
28cdb614-ff97-42f1-8e15-4f89b7f53dbc.gif
You're sure we'll have enough money for this and the wedding dress?
dressmoneyweddingwedding-dress
↓
02f5c46b-244c-4f72-a7f4-dbb54092aeb5.gif
'Cause that is a great gun.
↓
25a9f629-287f-4f1d-a6a8-df31be332814.gif
We're not buying the wedding dress.
buyingdressweddingwedding-dress
↓
39fa3677-2068-4041-8c19-ad58f241626a.gif
- We're buying the wedding dress. - Are you crazy?
buyingcrazydressweddingwedding-dress
↓
933de82e-6a42-4753-b961-7f8b488a6753.gif
- We can't just leave it here. - We absolutely can leave it here.
absolutely
↓
82c31ef6-0c16-45f5-84d8-6f2898372730.gif
It's not gonna help us in any way, shape or form.
formshape
↓
bcafb708-8a9f-4128-9ced-26ddde22fe48.gif
- That's crazy. - You know what?
crazy
↓
5d09ca5f-f025-4368-af89-33ca05b991cd.gif
That car wreck, it scrambled your circuits. You're losing your mind.
circuitslosingmindscrambledwreck
↓
42e0293f-171b-49b1-a673-9463e97c67f2.gif
Will you just let me handle it? I got Dee's purse.
deeshandlepurse
↓
e1c5d14b-22c8-4b66-9d2a-8c2f5de29b61.gif
We got her credit cards in here. We have plenty of money.
cardscreditcredit-cardsmoneyplenty
↓
1482613f-e878-4bfc-8393-9204d17689b0.gif
I know what I'm doing. And stop talking about the wedding dress.
dressweddingwedding-dress
↓
46f5cffd-f18d-4753-a230-0d71030a7b20.gif
Sir? Excuse me, sir.
excuse
↓
7a287941-84ed-4182-8d3f-890261093693.gif
Hi. Um, we are in desperate need of something that will destroy a car
desperatedestroy
↓
3b3898fa-8547-4d6c-a769-ce788166fdc6.gif
and, uh, annihilate any traces of a human being.
humantraces
↓
47695d1f-8714-443b-ae89-98c2e5849869.gif
Let me see what I got.
↓
f381155c-0a95-4e3e-a732-57d4f530f373.gif
- All right, you see that? - Yeah.
↓
5a32b25a-f725-4642-8d48-9dab3ae4739a.gif
Your ol' buddy here knows what he's doing every now and then.
buddyknows
↓
f6ec637f-d329-4978-b11d-6a915207c87d.gif
- Okay? - Yeah.
↓
7ff07d4d-c067-410c-8160-28f8b7f7ba89.gif
Okay.
↓
fc12b7aa-52e9-4298-bbae-f08e6c0dfb0c.gif
This is an interesting turn. I'm assuming this is a live grenade.
assuminggrenadeinterestinglivelive-grenade
↓
6b9d319b-cc06-4ab2-bbea-3d504494702f.gif
- Oh, yeah. - Well, then we'll take it.
↓
ec86f2b7-9513-4459-9edb-b3359e15bb54.gif
- Was the wedding in Philadelphia? - I don't care about the wedding.
carephiladelphiawedding
↓
a17356b4-395f-4db6-8188-7f7e57206c94.gif
Sir, do you have anything that might get my buddy's head straight?
headhead-straightmightstraight
↓
b0ccac8d-08ae-4238-9949-4692d43db789.gif
He's losing his mind.
losingmind
↓
32101dea-feb9-4e29-8051-d249f4f07483.gif
- Got some poppers in the back. - All right. There we go.
poppers
↓
eef9df04-11a1-4b7d-9d0b-07f4de8a8e8e.gif
(exhales sharply)
exhalesexhales-sharplysharply
↓
95675cc3-a506-46b6-a423-f058673db0c9.gif
All right, Luther, today's the day.
luthertodays
↓
4fbf5a8a-43cd-4ae6-bb05-67df120252e3.gif
You got any plans for the outside?
plans
↓
acd0724c-cb29-48f5-9aa5-1f5b6d72b652.gif
(grunts)
grunts
↓
f66582e3-de55-47df-8da3-946092a049a0.gif
(breathing heavily) Yeah. I got some plans.
breathingbreathing-heavilyheavilyplans
↓
9cedfc4b-af90-4c46-9c7e-8955db7cfbd1.gif
(cell door opening) I got some big plans.
celldoordoor-openingopeningplans
↓
777a2ca8-bf8b-498a-b7ac-7075c6cf96a6.gif
Okay, I'm gonna throw this grenade into the car.
grenadethrow
↓
f977d2c4-6e33-4fa7-84bb-c232e8fc6a8a.gif
The car will explode, and our problems will be solved.
explodeproblemssolved
↓
152471b3-2010-43c4-9d08-ab758f1cc5a9.gif
In the meantime, I need you to do a popper.
meantimepopper
↓
3c33a434-0f66-4af2-8bdc-c8202dbf194e.gif
Okay, I understand the plan. Except for when we find the bride.
brideexceptplan
↓
b55a7322-4cdd-456c-a3fe-78fc299ab72d.gif
- Don't even start, man. - It's an important part of my plan.
partplanstart
↓
be5124c1-8d51-4115-9986-d5f1f3a6f69e.gif
Take a deep breath of this. Inhale. (inhales)
breathdeepdeep-breathinhales
↓
9ae7daa0-8dd9-4730-9144-a3b5e3335461.gif
- Oh! - There we go.
↓
26810ef1-6b72-493b-a9bf-ec1656e1b5b6.gif
- Yeah! - Grenade!
grenade
↓
07805367-4dd9-47c0-8676-5fd3da45c56e.gif
- Throw it in the car. - Yeah. Let's do it. I'm back.
throw
↓
e8140043-2022-4735-b053-085c9a5acdb1.gif
Let's not talk about the dress anymore. Here we go.
anymoredress
↓
bc145883-860d-4770-b85a-26a4e60f480e.gif
- No dress. Grenade. - Go! Move! Go, go, go, go!
dressgrenade
↓
daf8a983-f210-49f4-abe9-11ae96d28663.gif
Okay. (laughing) This is gonna be awesome.
awesomelaughing
↓
97f5a71c-1cae-45d7-bd9b-3dc4f60964b0.gif
It's gonna be huge. (laughing)
hugelaughing
↓
06806919-7da2-4579-bfe4-1059a70e37aa.gif
(horn honks)
honkshornhorn-honks
↓
d9a51632-6134-466c-8f0d-786cdc0eca5e.gif
- That's it? - Weird.
weird
↓
a4aff99c-bf00-4256-baa2-7f7b5cc4cde8.gif
- That was totally lame. - That's what grenades do?
lame
↓
7eb7a2a9-5481-497a-9ec0-2eec92c1c27d.gif
- It was a very old grenade. - What a gyp.
grenade
↓
39088162-7f7d-4063-844c-9353d7848bef.gif
I thought it was gonna be so much more awesome than that.
awesome
↓
2e8c5de5-e966-44b7-9f65-6c7872b7b874.gif
- The car's not even on fire. - All right, plan B.
carsfireplan
↓
c1479c67-2424-4c98-9186-7f189c6ec8cc.gif
Gun. Gas tank. I'm gonna fire directly into it.
directlyfiretank
↓
885301be-25a3-4c08-8b46-3f957b9a4d1c.gif
- The car's gonna go up. - Now you're thinking.
carsthinking
↓
6a157ae2-c83b-4e15-8088-87f519e06d10.gif
- Go, baby. - Ready?
babyready
↓
dea620cf-1d4c-4f2d-be0a-d37a31891db4.gif
Whoa, whoa. Dude. You're gonna waste all the bullets.
bulletswastewhoawhoa-whoa
↓
43b03f73-398b-4ed9-9e26-104e270c2474.gif
- You got to get a lot closer. - Closer?
closer
↓
cd46a50a-0ec0-4c61-9b28-092c004f01df.gif
No. You got to stay far away 'cause it's gonna blow up.
blow
↓
f32e9e74-2447-4641-874f-c041342323bb.gif
- Chickenshit. I'll walk right up... - You can't walk right up to it.
walk
↓
d83b9d10-5abe-4275-aa48-e2cee1d03e60.gif
- It'll blow you to safety. - How about this?
blowitllitll-blowsafety
↓
f09cf267-9cfb-4c84-8163-a83a6476f769.gif
Popper. Put it to my nose. We'll walk up.
nosepopperwalk
↓
d6e59a88-1772-4c53-8c4b-6047aaf3bbfe.gif
- And I'll just be firing as I go. - That will help your focus.
firingfocus
↓
ac8e1a05-3e7c-4ab7-93db-2843b3cae573.gif
That's the smart thing to do. Hold on. I'm stepping on this dress.
dresssmartstepping
↓
9899385c-dca5-4c14-8e00-30694f82c17c.gif
- One, two... (inhales) - Go.
inhales
↓
dee79660-833d-44f8-9ca7-a74ba1743505.gif
- Ah! God damn it, dude! - No more bullets.
bullets
↓
79f3da8b-f31a-46c8-8b0d-ac201fff4592.gif
Grenades and bullets don't burn cars?
bulletsburncars
↓
3f4e647a-5e54-41d8-82b0-0d459ae43b0f.gif
New plan. The teeth, the envelope, the crash. I think it's enough.
crashenvelopeplanteeth
↓
7b87369b-105f-4dd6-aaa5-93460e7d4b54.gif
- You think that's enough? - Maybe the cops will think we...
cops
↓
8add56bc-6ad7-4ebd-b9af-6df8c45f30e5.gif
- I don't know. Disintegrated? - All right, fine.
↓
c0b003ef-4f6e-49d1-ad0e-d764e9954bea.gif
We'll get Dee's credit card, buy some camping equipment.
campingcardcreditcredit-carddeesequipment
↓
45613939-4f9e-498b-bc73-e253da1a3381.gif
- We'll go up to the roof. - There's my boy.
roof
↓
595007af-7c86-448c-87bc-4d38cffa1625.gif
- He's making plans again. - He's back.
plans
↓
5d88d565-5976-40bf-839c-b809ff9fcecd.gif
He's also wearing a wedding dress. And I'd like him to take it off.
dresswearingweddingwedding-dress
↓
e7f0c402-f9c2-4885-8129-6254d972d111.gif
- Oh, yeah. - That's completely crazy, man.
completelycrazy
↓
87578cfb-c509-415c-8279-469edcb4a666.gif
This is it.
↓
0222c0ce-143c-4613-a9db-a2f134afd147.gif
Uh, I'm having second thoughts about this sex party thing, Frank.
frankhavingpartysecondsecond-thoughtsthoughts
↓
5cc511b1-7151-4f2d-b095-ac237b3a9128.gif
Dennis, you're having second thoughts about the glory hole?
dennisgloryglory-holehavingholesecondsecond-thoughtsthoughts
↓
5d17ce4a-fc66-4552-a790-1437363656a8.gif
And now you're gonna be skittish about the sex party? Don't...
party
↓
6ceef98c-dfd3-4f9b-925a-50e6ee66bcc0.gif
You said you wanted to have anonymous sex. This is the place.
anonymousplacewanted
↓
53a40425-a47f-43b7-94a9-632a6091bebe.gif
I do wanna have anonymous sex. I wanna have anonymous sex.
anonymous
↓
efc5aaa8-6955-4251-8a9f-a4bc9ff759b4.gif
I wanna have a sex party. I want the glory hole. I want all those things.
gloryglory-holeholeparty
↓
f1a97193-0b17-46a5-9191-00be88d7ce76.gif
What I'm having a hard time believing though, Frank,
believingfrankhardhaving
↓
682e94a0-f6bc-4341-9f5b-0989bb3807b9.gif
s that there is an elite secret sex society
elitesecretsociety
↓
5a89cd10-702c-4d22-8788-713b8801c5cf.gif
behind that door in this building.
behindbuildingdoor
↓
3ef676a2-26e7-4e01-b2bf-11e1130c895d.gif
I used to run with this crew. These people are the most powerful,
crewpowerfulused
↓
10e19bae-a452-4046-b57c-a71572f0215b.gif
nfluential, sexiest people in Philadelphia.
philadelphiasexiest
↓
9411388e-1f08-4864-8b3b-b18ac711ad8e.gif
Why are they having a goddamn orgy in such a dump then?
dumpgoddamnhavingorgy
↓
1eabfa69-cff9-43bd-ba36-f2ff50307a97.gif
I thought this kind of thing went down in somebody's elegant mansion.
elegantmansionsomebodys
↓
17f65b12-1011-429d-aeb7-b2c46c7babc1.gif
- I was looking forward to that. - No.
forwardlookinglooking-forward
↓
3ec28799-a1e1-44a9-a19c-31aa643a6dca.gif
Nobody's gonna have an orgy in their mansion,
mansionnobodysorgy
↓
4898a4c2-8243-4bc8-98f0-c3402ee95daf.gif
all over their nice furniture. That doesn't make sense.
furnituresense
↓
1562cddb-761c-44bf-8dd2-89c18756da03.gif
No, it doesn't. That's a really good point. Let's do it.
point
↓
fdef86d8-0946-4394-9e62-22ce5f23b3f4.gif
Put your mask on, and don't embarrass me.
embarrassmask
↓
2fdd0fc9-7d9e-4643-b6e3-9d24d75112e3.gif
Don't embarrass yourself.
embarrass
↓
27294f89-af1b-48a6-b4b3-8dfbd98a5def.gif
(knocking on door)
doorknocking
↓
dc34a997-9304-40d3-b0ec-2032df8bf1f2.gif
(people talking indistinctly)
indistinctly
↓
911248cf-5b28-4c24-a4e5-f48fa749962b.gif
What is the password?
password
↓
03cf24f4-4898-4b97-ab1f-a8e786272739.gif
Orgy.
orgy
↓
c72f66f4-35e9-46f0-9b1d-c2fc5843dc42.gif
You may enter.
enter
↓
fb29016a-5402-4d3e-ac37-37846877dd72.gif
"Orgy"? Seriously?
orgy
↓
676b9f4c-ac86-4bf4-8c64-8de6ac53b3ac.gif
What the hell is this place? What did you bring me to?
bringplace
↓
e85adcdc-2f33-4605-a3c4-2d63ee36afce.gif
- This is a buffet. - I can see that it's a buffet.
buffet
↓
fb595566-cc70-4b5b-890f-b9201522d939.gif
But why is there a buffet at a goddamn orgy, Frank?
buffetfrankgoddamnorgy
↓
1fe64c69-071e-4003-acd4-4501c48605b2.gif
You don't wanna bang on an empty stomach, do you?
bangemptystomach
↓
4e8f4e96-3132-4c26-85bf-3e173e17d7f1.gif
I don't wanna bang any of these people anyway.
bang
↓
17bc8289-d8db-494f-9ff5-615cb04b1ebc.gif
They're all paunchy and weird and old.
weird
↓
e6dff4d3-151d-4731-88a9-10c4747858c7.gif
- You can't tell under the masks. - I can absolutely tell.
absolutelymasks
↓
b4e9e09e-408f-4bea-b446-bfc727bdf93e.gif
Why are our costumes so much more elaborate than everybody else's?
costumeselaborateelseseverybody
↓
2084e72e-b731-4e2a-90f3-201d2d9703df.gif
It's like they didn't put any effort into it. Jesus Christ.
christeffortjesusjesus-christ
↓
da98c9aa-efb4-4bca-87af-630e78cc36b6.gif
That guy's not even wearing a mask.
maskwearing
↓
0e1dae7c-f65a-4e9e-8204-6d74b17ad04b.gif
He's got the right idea. This beak is interfering with my nosh.
beakidea
↓
c82fe6c5-53ef-465c-8126-e029e3a594f0.gif
Don't take it off. Aw, Jesus. What are we doing here, man?
jesus
↓
3e3e8cae-895a-46fa-b2c2-32af4dac8daf.gif
How is this even an orgy? Nobody's having sex.
havingnobodysorgy
↓
af1367b1-487b-4c2e-a719-73cb710d20b0.gif
What did you bring me to? It's like a half-nude buffet party.
bringbuffethalfnudeparty
↓
cbb6b3d0-b7be-4a05-b8f6-99fe03ed379f.gif
It's not exactly what I thought it was gonna be either.
↓
e229a397-17b5-42fc-9b2b-d88605ce564e.gif
But it's okay. There's a lot of food.
food
↓
6e48721a-80de-4cb0-88fc-bc9292786b0e.gif
Frank, I think we can both agree.
agreefrank
↓
fe12aacd-eb45-4bb3-9c89-0e6b65de8c9f.gif
This is not the kind of anonymous sex we're looking for, right?
anonymouslooking
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You wanna go down by the bridge?
bridge
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What in God's name could possibly be down by the bridge?
bridgegodsgods-namenamepossibly
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- I don't know. It could be cool. - It could be cool?
cool
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No, Frank. I don't wanna go down by the bridge.
bridgefrank
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I'm going back to the bar. I'm gonna go back to the glory hole.
gloryglory-holehole
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aa768cce-0cfc-431a-be03-21e0ee1779fa.gif
That's something I feel like I can wrap my head around.
headwrap
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- This is ridiculous. - You think these are fresh shrimp?
freshridiculousshrimp
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- Or is it frozen shrimp? - I don't care!
carefrozenshrimp
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What is this place? These are not... It's like a bad acid trip in here.
acidplacetrip
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I'm coming. I'm gonna come.
coming
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FRANK: Now, what if I just slip my foot over like this?
footfrankslip
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d8fea49d-a543-4bb0-b036-accf0e065be3.gif
As if to say, "Hello. I'd like to have some anonymous sex, please."
anonymous
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DENNIS: All right, I'm into that. - Then I wait for the signal back.
dennissignal
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If it's a lady's foot, I'm in the clear.
clearfootladys
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Frank, here's my problem with that. A man can wear a woman's shoe.
frankproblemshoewearwomans
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You can't rule out trickery. That's why we need the viewing slot.
ruleslotviewing
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This slot defeats the purpose. I could see your eyes.
defeatseyespurposeslot
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- We might as well get married. - It's the safest way, Frank.
frankmarriedmightsafest
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Dennis, if I was looking for safe,
dennislookingsafe
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I wouldn't be sticking my dick through a wall.
dickstickingwall
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You guys, get out here right now. You need to take a look at this.
↓
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Good news, Dee. We made the bathroom unisex.
bathroomnews
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- Glory hole's up and running, baby. - I don't care about that.
babycaregloryholesrunning
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According to the Philadelphia Police Department,
accordingdepartmentphiladelphiapolice
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Mac and Charlie are dead.
charliedead
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- And you got the camera on? - Is it ready?
cameraready
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- Yeah. Good. - Are we on? Okay.
↓
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Dennis and Frank, if you're watching this, then we're already dead.
deaddennisfrankwatching
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Our lives were horrible.
horriblelives
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Horrible and sad. So we decided to end it all.
decidedhorrible
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Not me actually. My life was pretty sweet.
lifesweet
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b8b48d25-985a-4f9b-b369-7429c356931f.gif
But Charlie and I had a suicide pact, and I have to honor that
charliehonorpactsuicidesuicide-pact
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because I am an honorable man. I will die an honorable man.
honorable
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There's also a will enclosed, and you totally have to do all of that.
↓
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- Because that's a law. - Wait a second. My life was also...
lifesecond
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Here we go. (Blaze of Glory playing)
blazegloryplaying
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I can't believe they're dead.
believedead
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I can't believe they didn't include me in their suicide pact.
believeincludepactsuicidesuicide-pact
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What? Are you crazy? They're not dead.
crazydead
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- They're doing something stupid. - You saw the tape, Dee.
stupidtape
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My best friends went out in a blaze of glory
bestbest-friendsblazefriendsglory
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and they didn't ask me to be part of it. This is terrible!
part
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Are you buying this? That is ridiculous.
buyingridiculous
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Dennis, they left us a list of demands.
demandsdennisleftlist
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What are you talking about? It's their last will and testament.
testament
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b6edcf95-346f-4aed-893b-366957a88961.gif
- That is not demands. - It says, "List of Demands."
demandslist
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d42f5eac-0c04-41de-98c9-ab1e094bfb9c.gif
Whatever. It's their wishes, and we have to honor them.
honorwishes
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Oh, we do? We have to honor them? Okay. Let's see, Frank.
frankhonor
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Charlie's number one, "My ashes are to be made into a tea
ashescharliesnumber
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and to be dranken by every-wan in bar."
↓
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- Done. - Damn it. Gross. Fine. What else?
gross
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Mac's number one, "In lieu of a body,
bodymacsnumber
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"which was most likely blown up in the most awesome way imaginable,
awesomeblownimaginablelikely
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"I would like the duster to be burned and its ashes buried
ashesburiedburnedduster
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n an unmarked grave somewhere by the river."
graveriver
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Well, that's crazy. I'm not gonna burn or bury the duster. No.
burnburycrazyduster
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Yeah. We also both have to name our firstborn child Murphy
childfirstbornmurphyname
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because that was RoboCop's name.
name
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God damn it. Mac is dead, and he's still bossing me around.
bossingdead
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- Mac is not dead, Dennis. - How can you be so cold?
colddeaddennis
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- He blew up my car! - Not burning the duster.
blewburningduster
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- You're still talking about a coat? - Absolutely!
absolutelycoat
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- That is an automobile. DEE: It's a piece of clothing!
clothingpiece
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FRANK: They're people! DEE: They're alive!
alivefrank
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(arguing) Jesus, man, they must be really broken up.
arguingbrokenjesusmust
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- If we can hear them from up here. - Like cryin' and whinin' and...
↓
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I'm excited about the hot dogs. Oh, crap!
dogsexcited
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- What? - We should've got beans, dude.
beansshouldve
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- Hoboes are always eating beans. - We'll be fine without the beans.
beanseatinghoboes
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'Cause this is a perfect, perfect hiding spot.
hidingperfectspot
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- This would be better with beans. - Leave it alone with the beans.
alonebeans
↓
ece98156-e847-46e4-a83b-c759bd0a3d95.gif
(glass shatters) (grunts) Yeah. No. Stop it.
glassglass-shattersgruntsshatters
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5fce97bb-307e-4f85-9eee-5a2bd8920aeb.gif
Don't do it. Oh, my God. How?
↓
f6e87c02-5c03-4c1f-9983-940c35cafaa8.gif
- How is that possible? - I don't know.
possible
↓
ff9f9a3a-4b84-4388-9a46-eee7a3d7135d.gif
- Just put it down. - You think they're my baby teeth?
babyteeth
↓
1a73b053-1d2d-4ab5-81e1-6de3a8a8b562.gif
Put it with the other ones. (arguing continues) (teeth clinking)
arguingclinkingcontinuesonesteeth
↓
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- You're won't be able to eat this. - I'll suck it down.
ablesuck
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LUTHER: I asked you to leave me be.
askedluther
↓
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I asked you to let me live my life.
askedlifelive
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But you wouldn't go away.
↓
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You kept pushing and pushing
pushing
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until you forced me to do something drastic,
drasticforced
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89446036-45f5-4029-905d-6f591bc86ef4.gif
something I was hoping I would never have to do.
hoping