Home » Scrubs » S05E10 — Her Story II

Scrubs

Season 5, Episode 10 — Her Story II

Behold Julie Quinn.

#1

⇓

We fell for each other so swiftly, we decided to buy some property together.

#2

⇓

We fell for each other so swiftly, we decided to buy some property together.

#3

⇓

And build a deck on it.

#4

⇓

And build a deck on it.

#5

⇓

To our half acre.

#6

⇓

To our half acre.

#7

⇓

Hey, look, the Clarks are home.

#8

⇓

The Clarks felt if we weren't building a house,

#9

⇓

The Clarks felt if we weren't building a house,

#10

⇓

we weren't technically their neighbours.

#11

⇓

- Hey, Clarks! - Go to hell!

#12

⇓

- Hey, Clarks! - Go to hell!

#13

⇓

OK. Hey, Buzz! I'm gonna beat you in poker next time.

#14

⇓

OK. Hey, Buzz! I'm gonna beat you in poker next time.

#15

⇓

The Morgans, on the other side, were friendlier,

#16

⇓

The Morgans, on the other side, were friendlier,

#17

⇓

but I don't think we're gonna have them over again.

#18

⇓

but I don't think we're gonna have them over again.

#19

⇓

- Hi. - Y'all are a cute couple.

#20

⇓

- Thanks. - You want to buy a baby?

#21

⇓

- Thanks. - You want to buy a baby?

#22

⇓

- Sweetie? - No.

#23

⇓

- Sorry. No, thank you. - I'll throw in a crib.

#24

⇓

- Sorry. No, thank you. - I'll throw in a crib.

#25

⇓

Throwing in a crib.

#26

⇓

It didn't matter. I was happy to look out at my beautiful half acre

#27

⇓

It didn't matter. I was happy to look out at my beautiful half acre

#28

⇓

with my sweet but klutzy gal.

#29

⇓

You OK, buttercup?

#30

⇓

You OK, buttercup?

#31

⇓

The glass broke in my mouth.

#32

⇓

The glass broke in my mouth.

#33

⇓

Turk and I discovered a new way to deal with Kelso's bad moods.

#34

⇓

Turk and I discovered a new way to deal with Kelso's bad moods.

#35

⇓

Damn it. If you can't fill out your patients' insurance forms, then...

#36

⇓

Damn it. If you can't fill out your patients' insurance forms, then...

#37

⇓

Spoon of peanut butter?

#38

⇓

It usually bought us a few minutes of peace,

#39

⇓

It usually bought us a few minutes of peace,

#40

⇓

but then Carla said something that disturbs every man on God's Earth.

#41

⇓

but then Carla said something that disturbs every man on God's Earth.

#42

⇓

I just got my period.

#43

⇓

This sucks. I've been trying to get pregnant for two months.

#44

⇓

- I almost bought a baby yesterday. - What?

#45

⇓

Don't tell, in case you want it.

#46

⇓

Don't tell, in case you want it.

#47

⇓

Nothing.

#48

⇓

Don't worry. We'll keep trying.

#49

⇓

Don't worry. We'll keep trying.

#50

⇓

Remember I read how important it is for the man to have high-protein?

#51

⇓

Remember I read how important it is for the man to have high-protein?

#52

⇓

Last time, you are not eating ribs while we do it.

#53

⇓

Last time, you are not eating ribs while we do it.

#54

⇓

You don't let me have no fun!

#55

⇓

I'm not gonna have a kid until that genetic technology is available.

#56

⇓

I'm not gonna have a kid until that genetic technology is available.

#57

⇓

You wanna pick the sex and eye colour?

#58

⇓

No. Gills. When that day comes,

#59

⇓

No. Gills. When that day comes,

#60

⇓

goodbye hospital, hello father-son treasure hunting.

#61

⇓

goodbye hospital, hello father-son treasure hunting.

#62

⇓

Wow. Well, you better get cracking. What are you, like, 45?

#63

⇓

Wow. Well, you better get cracking. What are you, like, 45?

#64

⇓

Forty-three. I know I look little older,

#65

⇓

but that's 'cause I drink, smoke, work with chemicals, sleep on my face.

#66

⇓

but that's 'cause I drink, smoke, work with chemicals, sleep on my face.

#67

⇓

- No hard feelings? OK. - All right.

#68

⇓

- No hard feelings? OK. - All right.

#69

⇓

I swear on my unborn fish-boy's life, she will pay.

#70

⇓

I swear on my unborn fish-boy's life, she will pay.

#71

⇓

I need some milk.

#72

⇓

I need some milk.

#73

⇓

- Yo, Glassman. - What's "Glassman"?

#74

⇓

- Yo, Glassman. - What's "Glassman"?

#75

⇓

Basketball thing. I'm a great rebounder.

#76

⇓

Basketball thing. I'm a great rebounder.

#77

⇓

You know who else is a great rebounder? Dr Mickhead.

#78

⇓

You know who else is a great rebounder? Dr Mickhead.

#79

⇓

- His wife was killed last Saturday. - Hey, guys.

#80

⇓

Hey, Mickhead!

#81

⇓

Hey, Mickhead!

#82

⇓

- Have the police cleared him yet? - He's still a person of interest.

#83

⇓

- Have the police cleared him yet? - He's still a person of interest.

#84

⇓

There was sexual energy everywhere.

#85

⇓

There was sexual energy everywhere.

#86

⇓

For the women, it was due to the dashing new gynaecologist, Dr Matthews.

#87

⇓

For the women, it was due to the dashing new gynaecologist, Dr Matthews.

#88

⇓

Jordan, why would you need seven Pap smears in one month?

#89

⇓

Jordan, why would you need seven Pap smears in one month?

#90

⇓

I got a lot of Pap. Move your head so I can see.

#91

⇓

I got a lot of Pap. Move your head so I can see.

#92

⇓

And for the men, there was a new, sexy Latina nurse:

#93

⇓

And for the men, there was a new, sexy Latina nurse:

#94

⇓

Nurse Martinez.

#95

⇓

Will you guys stop doing that?

#96

⇓

Will you guys stop doing that?

#97

⇓

Yep. There was eye candy for all,

#98

⇓

and only one thing could upset this delicate balance.

#99

⇓

and only one thing could upset this delicate balance.

#100

⇓

Wow. She looks like a young Carla.

#101

⇓

Wow. She looks like a young Carla.

#102

⇓

That's why they call him the Glassman.

#103

⇓

That's why they call him the Glassman.

#104

⇓

(theme song)

#105

⇓

(theme song)

#106

⇓

Julie and I overslept,

#107

⇓

so we didn't have time for our usual seven solid minutes of lovemaking.

#108

⇓

so we didn't have time for our usual seven solid minutes of lovemaking.

#109

⇓

We had to fake it.

#110

⇓

Oh, yeah! Don't stop!

#111

⇓

Oh, yeah! Don't stop!

#112

⇓

Pull my hair!

#113

⇓

Pull my hair!

#114

⇓

Shut up and take it, you stupid bitch!

#115

⇓

OK, well, we can stop there. Now it's time to ring the sex gong.

#116

⇓

OK, well, we can stop there. Now it's time to ring the sex gong.

#117

⇓

OK, well, we can stop there. Now it's time to ring the sex gong.

#118

⇓

- What? - Turk and I got sex gongs in Chinatown.

#119

⇓

We're supposed to ring when we get lucky.

#120

⇓

We're supposed to ring when we get lucky.

#121

⇓

Though I don't live with him,

#122

⇓

I think that somewhere he hears it and it makes him happy.

#123

⇓

I think that somewhere he hears it and it makes him happy.

#124

⇓

That's so funny.

#125

⇓

That's so funny.

#126

⇓

Yeah, buddy! That's my dawg!

#127

⇓

Yeah, buddy! That's my dawg!

#128

⇓

I hope my gong wasn't too loud. It can be.

#129

⇓

I hope my gong wasn't too loud. It can be.

#130

⇓

It's a loud gong. I mean, it's like, "Gong."

#131

⇓

It's a loud gong. I mean, it's like, "Gong."

#132

⇓

I knew you were faking 'cause you didn't say, "Bombs away."

#133

⇓

I knew you were faking 'cause you didn't say, "Bombs away."

#134

⇓

How could I forget my sexiest move?

#135

⇓

How could I forget my sexiest move?

#136

⇓

Great. Julie thinks I'm weird and lame...

#137

⇓

She likes you. Do yourself a favour and stay out of your head for once.

#138

⇓

She likes you. Do yourself a favour and stay out of your head for once.

#139

⇓

OK, from this moment on, I am officially out of my head.

#140

⇓

OK, from this moment on, I am officially out of my head.

#141

⇓

I'm an old hag. I mean look at her. Everything's so tight and perky.

#142

⇓

I'm an old hag. I mean look at her. Everything's so tight and perky.

#143

⇓

Come on, it's not her fault. Just do what you always do.

#144

⇓

Come on, it's not her fault. Just do what you always do.

#145

⇓

Turn the other cheek and quietly spread the rumour that she's a guy.

#146

⇓

Turn the other cheek and quietly spread the rumour that she's a guy.

#147

⇓

Hey, Turk. Guess what?

#148

⇓

She's not a guy. And besides, "Young Carla" is a compliment.

#149

⇓

She's not a guy. And besides, "Young Carla" is a compliment.

#150

⇓

Really? So how would you feel if I said, "Hey, it's Skinny Turk"?

#151

⇓

Really? So how would you feel if I said, "Hey, it's Skinny Turk"?

#152

⇓

And now his boyfriend will comfort him.

#153

⇓

And now his boyfriend will comfort him.

#154

⇓

Don't listen to her, Brown Bear. Your body's fierce.

#155

⇓

- Is it? - Like Taye Diggs.

#156

⇓

Taye Diggs.

#157

⇓

Taye Diggs.

#158

⇓

Luckily, I had a best friend too.

#159

⇓

So, what did "her" name used to be?

#160

⇓

So, what did "her" name used to be?

#161

⇓

- How about Alberto? - I'll spread the word.

#162

⇓

- How about Alberto? - I'll spread the word.

#163

⇓

Alberto.

#164

⇓

When am I gonna meet Julie?

#165

⇓

Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?

#166

⇓

Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?

#167

⇓

What are you doing?

#168

⇓

I'm saying my thoughts out loud so I don't mess this relationship up.

#169

⇓

I'm saying my thoughts out loud so I don't mess this relationship up.

#170

⇓

I don't understand.

#171

⇓

I don't understand.

#172

⇓

I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow.

#173

⇓

You know what? It's time for her to meet the people in my life.

#174

⇓

You know what? It's time for her to meet the people in my life.

#175

⇓

I think she's gonna do great.

#176

⇓

I think she's gonna do great.

#177

⇓

J.D.'s parents thought he was gonna be a girl.

#178

⇓

J.D.'s parents thought he was gonna be a girl.

#179

⇓

They didn't have a name when he was born. So until he was three,

#180

⇓

They didn't have a name when he was born. So until he was three,

#181

⇓

they called him Joanna.

#182

⇓

I don't know who you are,

#183

⇓

I don't know who you are,

#184

⇓

but thank you for this.

#185

⇓

but thank you for this.

#186

⇓

So, what do you think?

#187

⇓

Sure. I guess I can hide this in my basement for you.

#188

⇓

Sure. I guess I can hide this in my basement for you.

#189

⇓

OK. Great. Great.

#190

⇓

You know what? Let's just give that back. Thanks.

#191

⇓

You know what? Let's just give that back. Thanks.

#192

⇓

Nice to see you, Mickhead.

#193

⇓

Nice to see you, Mickhead.

#194

⇓

Look, Julie, I'm very protective of J.D.,

#195

⇓

Look, Julie, I'm very protective of J.D.,

#196

⇓

so it's gonna take a lot to win me over.

#197

⇓

so it's gonna take a lot to win me over.

#198

⇓

J.D. Wanted me to introduce you to my godfather.

#199

⇓

J.D. Wanted me to introduce you to my godfather.

#200

⇓

Julie's a great girl.

#201

⇓

Lando Calrissian!

#202

⇓

Come here. Come here.

#203

⇓

Come here. Come here.

#204

⇓

You can call me Billy Dee.

#205

⇓

Yes, Lando. Yes.

#206

⇓

Yes, Lando. Yes.

#207

⇓

You already won Carla and me over because you're nice to J.D.

#208

⇓

You already won Carla and me over because you're nice to J.D.

#209

⇓

You won Jordan over buying the first round.

#210

⇓

You won Jordan over buying the first round.

#211

⇓

I got lemon drops!

#212

⇓

I got lemon drops!

#213

⇓

Last time I had one, I agreed to go on a date with a chick

#214

⇓

in my art history class.

#215

⇓

in my art history class.

#216

⇓

Yeah, can we go somewhere less college-y?

#217

⇓

One of the boys here could be the baby I gave up in high school.

#218

⇓

One of the boys here could be the baby I gave up in high school.

#219

⇓

We aren't too old to hang out here. Come on.

#220

⇓

We aren't too old to hang out here. Come on.

#221

⇓

Time to dial up the Spanish. That makes them feel guilty

#222

⇓

Time to dial up the Spanish. That makes them feel guilty

#223

⇓

they haven't spent time around minorities.

#224

⇓

they haven't spent time around minorities.

#225

⇓

Come on, mis amigas, we don't have to vamonos. Pretty please?

#226

⇓

Come on, mis amigas, we don't have to vamonos. Pretty please?

#227

⇓

- Whatever. - Let's do it.

#228

⇓

To being young.

#229

⇓

To being young.

#230

⇓

You guys, for real, you're my best friends.

#231

⇓

You guys, for real, you're my best friends.

#232

⇓

So Carol... do you like jazz?

#233

⇓

So Carol... do you like jazz?

#234

⇓

Yeah? How much?

#235

⇓

Yeah? How much?

#236

⇓

Hey, look at what we have here.

#237

⇓

Hey, look at what we have here.

#238

⇓

A representation of how alcohol affects ages.

#239

⇓

A representation of how alcohol affects ages.

#240

⇓

- We have the young... - Morning!

#241

⇓

...the slightly older... - Stop talking.

#242

⇓

...the slightly older... - Stop talking.

#243

⇓

...the slightly older still...

#244

⇓

...the slightly older still...

#245

⇓

...and last, the very, very, very old.

#246

⇓

She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness.

#247

⇓

She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness.

#248

⇓

Jor-da-roo! Jor-da-licious! Jor-da-roni!

#249

⇓

Jor-da-roo! Jor-da-licious! Jor-da-roni!

#250

⇓

We'll get you some more coffee.

#251

⇓

We'll get you some more coffee.

#252

⇓

If you're willing to pay for it, just sit there frozen.

#253

⇓

If you're willing to pay for it, just sit there frozen.

#254

⇓

How very generous.

#255

⇓

That's so funny.

#256

⇓

Yeah.

#257

⇓

- Julie's awesome. - Doesn't it bother you

#258

⇓

- Julie's awesome. - Doesn't it bother you

#259

⇓

- she never laughs? - What do you mean?

#260

⇓

When something's funny, she never laughs.

#261

⇓

When something's funny, she never laughs.

#262

⇓

She just says, "That's so funny." It's kind of annoying.

#263

⇓

She just says, "That's so funny." It's kind of annoying.

#264

⇓

J.D., this is an intervention.

#265

⇓

J.D., this is an intervention.

#266

⇓

First off, I just want to say, everyone here loves you.

#267

⇓

First off, I just want to say, everyone here loves you.

#268

⇓

This is a safe space. But you're such a commit-a-phobe!

#269

⇓

This is a safe space. But you're such a commit-a-phobe!

#270

⇓

Every time you date a girl with potential,

#271

⇓

you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason.

#272

⇓

you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason.

#273

⇓

Think about the great girls you let slip through your fingers.

#274

⇓

Think about the great girls you let slip through your fingers.

#275

⇓

Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl,

#276

⇓

Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl,

#277

⇓

Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-kids, Rumplefugly...

#278

⇓

Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-kids, Rumplefugly...

#279

⇓

I'm forgetting someone.

#280

⇓

I'm forgetting someone.

#281

⇓

Oh, my God, Turk. If you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.

#282

⇓

Oh, my God, Turk. If you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.

#283

⇓

Aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?

#284

⇓

Heidi Horse-Face.

#285

⇓

Me, Turk! She's talking about me, OK?

#286

⇓

Me, Turk! She's talking about me, OK?

#287

⇓

Relax, Elliot. You're Mole Butt.

#288

⇓

Relax, Elliot. You're Mole Butt.

#289

⇓

Really?

#290

⇓

Sorry, Turk.

#291

⇓

Sorry, Turk.

#292

⇓

J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something.

#293

⇓

J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something.

#294

⇓

Don't mess this up, man. Be smooth.

#295

⇓

Don't mess this up, man. Be smooth.

#296

⇓

- Lando's right. - Billy Dee!

#297

⇓

- Lando's right. - Billy Dee!

#298

⇓

Joanna, now I'm not much

#299

⇓

Joanna, now I'm not much

#300

⇓

for this sensitive crap.

#301

⇓

for this sensitive crap.

#302

⇓

Darn it all, you've found someone

#303

⇓

who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

#304

⇓

who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

#305

⇓

Don't screw up, or you'll end up where you always do,

#306

⇓

Don't screw up, or you'll end up where you always do,

#307

⇓

lying on that couch wishing you hadn't driven another one away.

#308

⇓

lying on that couch wishing you hadn't driven another one away.

#309

⇓

If Jordan were conscious, she'd agree.

#310

⇓

If Jordan were conscious, she'd agree.

#311

⇓

Now who put that fake arrow through her head?

#312

⇓

Now who put that fake arrow through her head?

#313

⇓

Which one of ya?

#314

⇓

It was me. I did it.

#315

⇓

It was me. I did it.

#316

⇓

I gotta get cooking. People are gonna be here for this barbecue.

#317

⇓

I gotta get cooking. People are gonna be here for this barbecue.

#318

⇓

- Your friends liked me? - They're crazy about you.

#319

⇓

They're worried I'm gonna mess up.

#320

⇓

They're worried I'm gonna mess up.

#321

⇓

You're not gonna be a jerk and do something like that, are you?

#322

⇓

You're not gonna be a jerk and do something like that, are you?

#323

⇓

The only jerk around here is the spicy marinade on this Jamaican chicken, mon.

#324

⇓

The only jerk around here is the spicy marinade on this Jamaican chicken, mon.

#325

⇓

That's so funny.

#326

⇓

That's so funny.

#327

⇓

It is, Julie. It is. Why do you always do that?

#328

⇓

It is, Julie. It is. Why do you always do that?

#329

⇓

Do what?

#330

⇓

You never laugh when something's funny. You say, "That's funny ."

#331

⇓

You never laugh when something's funny. You say, "That's funny ."

#332

⇓

Does that bother you?

#333

⇓

Don't mean to bother anybody. I'm showing Nurse Martinez around.

#334

⇓

Don't mean to bother anybody. I'm showing Nurse Martinez around.

#335

⇓

That's our chief of medicine, that's a patient and that is you in 20 years.

#336

⇓

That's our chief of medicine, that's a patient and that is you in 20 years.

#337

⇓

OK. Let's go look at dead people.

#338

⇓

That nurse makes me feel so damn old.

#339

⇓

That nurse makes me feel so damn old.

#340

⇓

Oh, calm down, Nurse Espinosa.

#341

⇓

I have it on good authority that she's a dude.

#342

⇓

I have it on good authority that she's a dude.

#343

⇓

I made that stuff up.

#344

⇓

I made that stuff up.

#345

⇓

Then it's time for her to meet Bob Kelso, licensed hetero.

#346

⇓

Then it's time for her to meet Bob Kelso, licensed hetero.

#347

⇓

Sweetie, you're not old. You don't have crow's feet.

#348

⇓

Your bra size hasn't gone from a 34B to a 40 long.

#349

⇓

Your bra size hasn't gone from a 34B to a 40 long.

#350

⇓

And you don't have arthritis.

#351

⇓

And you don't have arthritis.

#352

⇓

Neither do I, but that's how it gets ya.

#353

⇓

Neither do I, but that's how it gets ya.

#354

⇓

And then Mrs Wilk said something that really surprised me.

#355

⇓

It's not like you're trying to get pregnant and you can't.

#356

⇓

It's not like you're trying to get pregnant and you can't.

#357

⇓

Actually, I am.

#358

⇓

Actually, I am.

#359

⇓

Of course, none of us were the least bit surprised that J .D. Made this happen.

#360

⇓

Of course, none of us were the least bit surprised that J .D. Made this happen.

#361

⇓

Why is Julie behind that bush crying?

#362

⇓

Why is Julie behind that bush crying?

#363

⇓

Who knows? Could be anything.

#364

⇓

Who knows? Could be anything.

#365

⇓

You know what's interesting? She's not saying, "That's so sad."

#366

⇓

You know what's interesting? She's not saying, "That's so sad."

#367

⇓

You know what's interesting? She's not saying, "That's so sad."

#368

⇓

She's actually crying.

#369

⇓

- You're an idiot. - Yes, I am.

#370

⇓

- You're an idiot. - Yes, I am.

#371

⇓

I tried, but I just couldn't get babies off my mind.

#372

⇓

Excuse me, fellas. Gotta take a whiz.

#373

⇓

Excuse me, fellas. Gotta take a whiz.

#374

⇓

Wait a minute. Why am I rushing?

#375

⇓

All right.

#376

⇓

All right.

#377

⇓

You're disgusting.

#378

⇓

She's right. I am disgusting.

#379

⇓

I'm disgustingly incapable of carrying on a relationship

#380

⇓

I'm disgustingly incapable of carrying on a relationship

#381

⇓

with someone I like.

#382

⇓

I apologised to her, so I think we're cool for now,

#383

⇓

I apologised to her, so I think we're cool for now,

#384

⇓

but it won't last. Every time she says, "That's funny,"

#385

⇓

but it won't last. Every time she says, "That's funny,"

#386

⇓

it's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

#387

⇓

- You're too picky with women. - You used to be the same.

#388

⇓

- You're too picky with women. - You used to be the same.

#389

⇓

You got over it and are married.

#390

⇓

You got over it and are married.

#391

⇓

'Cause I was never as bad as you.

#392

⇓

Really? Remember "Whitney the Snapper?"

#393

⇓

Really? Remember "Whitney the Snapper?"

#394

⇓

Hey. I just wanted to say thanks for dinner tonight.

#395

⇓

And for dessert you're gonna get a little Whitney...

#396

⇓

And for dessert you're gonna get a little Whitney...

#397

⇓

...a la mode.

#398

⇓

...a la mode.

#399

⇓

Get out.

#400

⇓

Too much.

#401

⇓

You've been off the pill two months. Why a fertility test?

#402

⇓

You've been off the pill two months. Why a fertility test?

#403

⇓

Because I'm old and the crock pot is on the fritz.

#404

⇓

Because I'm old and the crock pot is on the fritz.

#405

⇓

- No reason. - Carla Espinosa?

#406

⇓

- Yes. - Dr Matthews will see you now.

#407

⇓

- Yes. - Dr Matthews will see you now.

#408

⇓

Great.

#409

⇓

OK, he is super cute.

#410

⇓

So do not look into his eyes. You could get lost.

#411

⇓

So do not look into his eyes. You could get lost.

#412

⇓

I'll be fine.

#413

⇓

I'll be fine.

#414

⇓

Ask him if he remembers me from my pelvic exam!

#415

⇓

Ask him if he remembers me from my pelvic exam!

#416

⇓

Ask him!

#417

⇓

Ask him!

#418

⇓

I made popcorn.

#419

⇓

You OK, sweetness?

#420

⇓

You OK, sweetness?

#421

⇓

- I'll go make some more. - All right.

#422

⇓

- Why are we watching a movie? - Immersion therapy.

#423

⇓

- Why are we watching a movie? - Immersion therapy.

#424

⇓

What we'll watch will make her say

#425

⇓

What we'll watch will make her say

#426

⇓

"that's so funny" so many times that eventually it's not gonna bother you.

#427

⇓

"that's so funny" so many times that eventually it's not gonna bother you.

#428

⇓

How can you guarantee she'll laugh?

#429

⇓

I can't. But Uncle Buck can.

#430

⇓

I can't. But Uncle Buck can.

#431

⇓

That's so funny.

#432

⇓

That's so funny.

#433

⇓

That's so funny. Look how big that pancake is! That's so funny.

#434

⇓

That's so funny. Look how big that pancake is! That's so funny.

#435

⇓

Make her stop!

#436

⇓

Make her stop!

#437

⇓

That's so funny!

#438

⇓

This guy's not that hot.

#439

⇓

This guy's not that hot.

#440

⇓

You've only been trying two months,

#441

⇓

so I don't think you need a fertility test.

#442

⇓

so I don't think you need a fertility test.

#443

⇓

Unless you're over 35.

#444

⇓

Well, buddy, I'm 36 and OK with it.

#445

⇓

Well, buddy, I'm 36 and OK with it.

#446

⇓

So how old are you?

#447

⇓

So how old are you?

#448

⇓

Ravish me.

#449

⇓

Ravish me.

#450

⇓

I'm 29.

#451

⇓

I've seen a lot of 29-year-olds.

#452

⇓

I've seen a lot of 29-year-olds.

#453

⇓

- Oh, my God, really? - Yeah. Like her.

#454

⇓

Call me J.J.

#455

⇓

Call me J.J.

#456

⇓

- Immersion therapy didn't work. - Relax.

#457

⇓

- Immersion therapy didn't work. - Relax.

#458

⇓

I was a psych minor. The next time she says, "That's so funny,"

#459

⇓

I was a psych minor. The next time she says, "That's so funny,"

#460

⇓

I want you to pretend she's says, "That's so money."

#461

⇓

I want you to pretend she's says, "That's so money."

#462

⇓

I like that.

#463

⇓

Yeah. It's called word replacement... ism.

#464

⇓

Yeah. It's called word replacement... ism.

#465

⇓

This is the dumbest conversation.

#466

⇓

You should hear this one.

#467

⇓

You should hear this one.

#468

⇓

I remember my first exam with Dr Matthews.

#469

⇓

I remember my first exam with Dr Matthews.

#470

⇓

He said, "You're healthy down there." And then I said, "Right back at you."

#471

⇓

He said, "You're healthy down there." And then I said, "Right back at you."

#472

⇓

Then there was this weird awkward pause, so I said,

#473

⇓

Then there was this weird awkward pause, so I said,

#474

⇓

"I like to keep a clean shop." And then he asked to see my insurance card.

#475

⇓

"I like to keep a clean shop." And then he asked to see my insurance card.

#476

⇓

So, how did your fertility test go?

#477

⇓

So, how did your fertility test go?

#478

⇓

Everything is A-OK.

#479

⇓

Oh, that's bull!

#480

⇓

Oh, that's bull!

#481

⇓

- Excuse me, sir? - I was talking to these ladies.

#482

⇓

- Excuse me, sir? - I was talking to these ladies.

#483

⇓

I was talking to you ladies. Listen to me.

#484

⇓

You never stop being annoyed by little things.

#485

⇓

You never stop being annoyed by little things.

#486

⇓

Take Gandhi here. Your wife is the bossiest woman I've ever met.

#487

⇓

Take Gandhi here. Your wife is the bossiest woman I've ever met.

#488

⇓

You trying to tell me you're not bothered by that?

#489

⇓

You trying to tell me you're not bothered by that?

#490

⇓

Sometimes I watch Roots to remind myself how good I have it.

#491

⇓

Sometimes I watch Roots to remind myself how good I have it.

#492

⇓

Me too.

#493

⇓

Everyone is annoying. I mean, take Jordan.

#494

⇓

Everyone is annoying. I mean, take Jordan.

#495

⇓

She is now returning from what I can only assume

#496

⇓

She is now returning from what I can only assume

#497

⇓

is her eleventh gynaecological visit this month.

#498

⇓

I'm saving my breast exam for when you go away next month.

#499

⇓

I'm saving my breast exam for when you go away next month.

#500

⇓

Upsetting, but we persevere. Bottom line:

#501

⇓

Upsetting, but we persevere. Bottom line:

#502

⇓

There is no such thing as a perfect person. You. Tell her.

#503

⇓

There is no such thing as a perfect person. You. Tell her.

#504

⇓

If you found someone who makes you happy by just sitting around

#505

⇓

If you found someone who makes you happy by just sitting around

#506

⇓

and holding hands, then eventually all that other stuff won't matter.

#507

⇓

and holding hands, then eventually all that other stuff won't matter.

#508

⇓

- Dude, not me. - I know.

#509

⇓

- Dude, not me. - I know.

#510

⇓

Nurse Espinosa, I know you didn't take that fertility test.

#511

⇓

People think I am some clueless old geezer,

#512

⇓

but nothing that happens in these hallways gets by me.

#513

⇓

but nothing that happens in these hallways gets by me.

#514

⇓

It wasn't me. I didn't do it!

#515

⇓

It wasn't me. I didn't do it!

#516

⇓

If I take that fertility test

#517

⇓

and I find out I missed my window to have a kid I'll never forgive myself.

#518

⇓

and I find out I missed my window to have a kid I'll never forgive myself.

#519

⇓

If you're worried about your legacy,

#520

⇓

If you're worried about your legacy,

#521

⇓

as the father of a son who not only wrote a musical on my life

#522

⇓

but is shacked up with the actor playing me, honestly,

#523

⇓

but is shacked up with the actor playing me, honestly,

#524

⇓

it's not all it's cracked up to be. But I know you.

#525

⇓

it's not all it's cracked up to be. But I know you.

#526

⇓

You'll find out eventually, so why don't you just turn around and tell him?

#527

⇓

You'll find out eventually, so why don't you just turn around and tell him?

#528

⇓

Dr Matthews.

#529

⇓

I'm 36.

#530

⇓

Well, let's get you that fertility test. Follow me.

#531

⇓

OK.

#532

⇓

OK.

#533

⇓

Here goes nothing.

#534

⇓

One-A-Day Vitamins?

#535

⇓

I tell you how they could double their profits. Two-a-Day.

#536

⇓

I tell you how they could double their profits. Two-a-Day.

#537

⇓

That's so funny.

#538

⇓

That's so funny.

#539

⇓

I'm sorry I said, "That's so funny." I know that drives you crazy.

#540

⇓

I'm sorry I said, "That's so funny." I know that drives you crazy.

#541

⇓

You know what?

#542

⇓

I really couldn't care less.

#543

⇓

I really couldn't care less.

#544

⇓

So, what do we do now?

#545

⇓

So, what do we do now?

#546

⇓

I don't know. We've already got the half acre.

#547

⇓

I imagine we'll eventually be able to build a house on it. Backyard.

#548

⇓

I imagine we'll eventually be able to build a house on it. Backyard.

#549

⇓

Room for a Slip 'N Slide for kids, Gilligan and the Skipper.

#550

⇓

Room for a Slip 'N Slide for kids, Gilligan and the Skipper.

#551

⇓

I know. I'm sorry. I gotta do it. I lost a bet to Turk.

#552

⇓

I know. I'm sorry. I gotta do it. I lost a bet to Turk.

#553

⇓

I don't wanna rush things, but I feel good about this.

#554

⇓

I don't wanna rush things, but I feel good about this.

#555

⇓

I don't know. I feel like... you and I could go the distance.

#556

⇓

I don't know. I feel like... you and I could go the distance.

#557

⇓

I meant what do you want to order from take-out for dinner.

#558

⇓

I meant what do you want to order from take-out for dinner.

#559

⇓

- Tapas. - I love tapas.

#560

⇓

- Sharing. - Sharing's fun.

#561

⇓

- I love it. Just share. - Share.

#562

⇓

- I love it. Just share. - Share.

#563

⇓

You really don't think about that stuff?

#564

⇓

J.D., I'm only 23. I don't even know if I want any of that stuff.

#565

⇓

J.D., I'm only 23. I don't even know if I want any of that stuff.

#566

⇓

And certainly not for the next five or ten years.

#567

⇓

And certainly not for the next five or ten years.

#568

⇓

You know what?

#569

⇓

We just started dating, so this conversation goes down a bad path.

#570

⇓

We just started dating, so this conversation goes down a bad path.

#571

⇓

Why don't we say we'll never talk about it.

#572

⇓

Why don't we say we'll never talk about it.

#573

⇓

- OK. - OK.

#574

⇓

OK.

#575

⇓

OK.

#576

⇓

OK.

#577

⇓

So you really feel that way?

#578

⇓

So you really feel that way?

#579

⇓

And here I am again.

#580

⇓

I can't believe I broke up with her. Why do I keep doing this?

#581

⇓

I can't believe I broke up with her. Why do I keep doing this?

#582

⇓

J.D., this was totally different.

#583

⇓

J.D., this was totally different.

#584

⇓

You didn't break up because she said, "That's funny"

#585

⇓

You didn't break up because she said, "That's funny"

#586

⇓

or sang Christmas carols in summer.

#587

⇓

It was August. The weather was far from frightful.

#588

⇓

It was August. The weather was far from frightful.

#589

⇓

You broke up with her for a real reason. Right, Carla?

#590

⇓

You broke up with her for a real reason. Right, Carla?

#591

⇓

Definitely.

#592

⇓

Oh, my God, what did I just agree to?

#593

⇓

Oh, my God, what did I just agree to?

#594

⇓

All I can think about is getting my results.

#595

⇓

All I can think about is getting my results.

#596

⇓

I have to get out of my head. Say something positive.

#597

⇓

She's a keeper, J.D. You'll never do better.

#598

⇓

She's a keeper, J.D. You'll never do better.

#599

⇓

I guess it's human nature to worry about the future.

#600

⇓

I guess it's human nature to worry about the future.

#601

⇓

Especially when we think our dreams might not come true.

#602

⇓

Especially when we think our dreams might not come true.

#603

⇓

Thanks. Thanks, Dr Matthews. That's great news.

#604

⇓

Thanks. Thanks, Dr Matthews. That's great news.

#605

⇓

Turk!

#606

⇓

Turk!

#607

⇓

- Yeah, baby. - Get over here.

#608

⇓

Yeah, buddy!

#609

⇓

As for my future,

#610

⇓

I had finally gotten to the place where I was looking for the right person.

#611

⇓

I had finally gotten to the place where I was looking for the right person.

#612

⇓

And I knew she was out there.

#613

⇓

And I knew she was out there.

#614

⇓

Even if I couldn't quite see her yet.

#615

⇓

Even if I couldn't quite see her yet.

#616

⇓

Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#617

⇓

Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#618

⇓