♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » Scrubs » S02E17 — My Own Private Practice Guy

Scrubs

Season 2, Episode 17 — My Own Private Practice Guy

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Scrubs

Episode title: My Own Private Practice Guy

Air date: March 13, 2003

Director: Marc Buckland

Top billed cast: Zach Braff, Donald Faison, John C. McGinley, Sarah Chalke, Judy Reyes, Ken Jenkins

A personal secret of Dr. Cox is revealed during hospital visitations by a cocky MD (Jay Mohr), who establishes a rapport with J.D.

Source: TMDB

↓

OK, you've been avoiding Dr Cox since Jordan told you her baby was his.

avoiding baby jordan

↓

OK, you've been avoiding Dr Cox since Jordan told you her baby was his.

avoiding baby jordan

↓

OK, you've been avoiding Dr Cox since Jordan told you her baby was his.

avoiding baby jordan

↓

This is a sign. It's time to let go of the secret. Find a smooth way in.

secret sign smooth

↓

This is a sign. It's time to let go of the secret. Find a smooth way in.

secret sign smooth

↓

Hey, Dr Cox! Taking a whizz?

↓

-We've been over this before, Newbie, eyes front, no talking.

eyes front newbie

↓

-We've been over this before, Newbie, eyes front, no talking.

eyes front newbie

↓

-OK, fine. I'll just read the wall.

read wall

↓

-OK, fine. I'll just read the wall.

read wall

↓

"JD has a tiny pickle"?

pickle tiny

↓

"JD has a tiny pickle"?

pickle tiny

↓

-Kudos for honesty, there, Newbie, but, again, no talking.

honesty kudos newbie

↓

-Dr Cox, I have to tell you something.

↓

-Dr Cox, I have to tell you something.

↓

-Oh! Perry, you pee standing up at work. That is so cute.

cute perry standing

↓

-Oh! Perry, you pee standing up at work. That is so cute.

cute perry standing

↓

Come on. We're on a very tight schedule.

schedule tight

↓

Come on. We're on a very tight schedule.

schedule tight

↓

(WHIMPERS) -You know, Jordan,

jordan whimpers

↓

with the baby weight you haven't lost,

baby lost weight

↓

with the baby weight you haven't lost,

baby lost weight

↓

I just went ahead and assumed you'd be used to tight things by now.

ahead assumed tight used

↓

I just went ahead and assumed you'd be used to tight things by now.

ahead assumed tight used

↓

-Oh, that's lovely. Huh!

lovely

↓

Well, hello, sailor.

sailor

↓

Well, hello, sailor.

sailor

↓

-Ahoy. -Oh, my goodness, Newbie.

ahoy goodness newbie

↓

-Ahoy. -Oh, my goodness, Newbie.

ahoy goodness newbie

↓

Are you so uncomfortable with Jordan here

jordan uncomfortable

↓

Are you so uncomfortable with Jordan here

jordan uncomfortable

↓

that you've, in fact, stopped peeing mid-stream?

fact peeing stopped stream

↓

-I may have.

↓

-I may have.

↓

-Yes! -I wonder why Dr Cox and Jordan got divorced?

divorced jordan wonder

↓

-Yes! -I wonder why Dr Cox and Jordan got divorced?

divorced jordan wonder

↓

They act like they hate each other, but that's for show.

hate

↓

They act like they hate each other, but that's for show.

hate

↓

-Yeah, whatever. Are you gonna stretch before we play basketball?

basketball stretch

↓

-Yeah, whatever. Are you gonna stretch before we play basketball?

basketball stretch

↓

-Turk likes to blow off steam by playing basketball before surgery.

basketball blow likes playing playing-basketball steam surgery turk

↓

-Turk likes to blow off steam by playing basketball before surgery.

basketball blow likes playing playing-basketball steam surgery turk

↓

I always get my ass kicked,...

kicked

↓

..but not today. Grrrrrr.

today

↓

..but not today. Grrrrrr.

today

↓

-And that's game! (BOTH GRUNT)

game grunt

↓

-And that's game! (BOTH GRUNT)

game grunt

↓

How the hell did we lose?! We have Chet! -Sorry, man.

chet lose

↓

-Chet, you suck!

chet suck

↓

-Chet, you suck!

chet suck

↓

AAARRRGGGHHH!

↓

You know what? Some stereotypes are true, Turk. OK?

stereotypes turk

↓

You know what? Some stereotypes are true, Turk. OK?

stereotypes turk

↓

Just maybe, black people are a little better at basketball. Whatta you say?

basketball black

↓

Just maybe, black people are a little better at basketball. Whatta you say?

basketball black

↓

-Ha!

↓

-Ha!

↓

-Maybe a little. -Y'all got hockey.

hockey yall

↓

-Maybe a little. -Y'all got hockey.

hockey yall

↓

# "Superman" - Lazlo Bane

superman

↓

Why do you think they got divorced?

divorced

↓

Why do you think they got divorced?

divorced

↓

-No idea. I can't believe you peed in front of Jordan. I could not do it.

believe front idea jordan peed

↓

-No idea. I can't believe you peed in front of Jordan. I could not do it.

believe front idea jordan peed

↓

Paul, my boyfriend, turns the volume up on the TV when I go.

boyfriend paul turns volume

↓

Paul, my boyfriend, turns the volume up on the TV when I go.

boyfriend paul turns volume

↓

He's not allowed in the apartment an hour before or after I do twosies.

allowed apartment hour

↓

He's not allowed in the apartment an hour before or after I do twosies.

allowed apartment hour

↓

-You're a doctor, stop calling it "twosies."

calling doctor

↓

-Oh, with patients I say "dookie." Oh, dookie!

dookie patients

↓

-Oh, with patients I say "dookie." Oh, dookie!

dookie patients

↓

-Well, now, Maggie!

↓

I assume you are whiling away the morning

assume morning

↓

I assume you are whiling away the morning

assume morning

↓

cat-chatting with your gal-pal as you've finished your pre-rounding?

chatting finished rounding

↓

cat-chatting with your gal-pal as you've finished your pre-rounding?

chatting finished rounding

↓

-Haven't started yet. -What? -Gotcha! Finished!

finished gotcha started

↓

-Haven't started yet. -What? -Gotcha! Finished!

finished gotcha started

↓

-Good one, Newbie. My heart is racing. You are a prankster.

heart newbie racing

↓

-Good one, Newbie. My heart is racing. You are a prankster.

heart newbie racing

↓

-I could tell you stories. -If there's a God, you won't.

stories

↓

This is Mrs Gracin's chart.

chart

↓

This is Mrs Gracin's chart.

chart

↓

Her private practice doctor showed up, so I am off this one.

doctor practice private private-practice showed

↓

Her private practice doctor showed up, so I am off this one.

doctor practice private private-practice showed

↓

-Well, is there anything I need to do for her lung nodule?

lung

↓

-Oh, I don't know. Start her on 20ccs of "It's not my problem any more!"

problem start

↓

-Oh, I don't know. Start her on 20ccs of "It's not my problem any more!"

problem start

↓

-Great. A pretentious private practice guy

practice pretentious private private-practice

↓

who'll order me around while he counts his money.

counts money order wholl

↓

who'll order me around while he counts his money.

counts money order wholl

↓

-Hey! You must be JD! -He knows my name.

knows must name

↓

-Hey! You must be JD! -He knows my name.

knows must name

↓

-I'm Dr Fisher, Pete. Never call me Petey, we'll be friends for life.

fisher friends life pete petey

↓

-I'm Dr Fisher, Pete. Never call me Petey, we'll be friends for life.

fisher friends life pete petey

↓

Hey, don't believe me? Already got you a latte, buddy. Look.

believe buddy latte

↓

Hey, don't believe me? Already got you a latte, buddy. Look.

believe buddy latte

↓

-Thanks! A latte! -That's funny! We got a good one, Sally!

funny latte sally thanks

↓

-Thanks! A latte! -That's funny! We got a good one, Sally!

funny latte sally thanks

↓

-How is that funny? Eh, just go with it.

funny

↓

I pull pranks, too. Dr Cox was like, "Did you do that pre-rounding?" -

pranks pull rounding

↓

I pull pranks, too. Dr Cox was like, "Did you do that pre-rounding?" -

pranks pull rounding

↓

-Sorry to interrupt. Could you get a pulmonary consult for Sally?

consult interrupt pulmonary sally

↓

-Sorry to interrupt. Could you get a pulmonary consult for Sally?

consult interrupt pulmonary sally

↓

-Yeah, yeah. -Why not do it before?

↓

-Yeah, yeah. -Why not do it before?

↓

You weren't sure if you'd be over-stepping your boundaries.

boundaries stepping

↓

You weren't sure if you'd be over-stepping your boundaries.

boundaries stepping

↓

What if I was an ass with a giant ego, or an ego with a giant ass?

giant

↓

What if I was an ass with a giant ego, or an ego with a giant ass?

giant

↓

Stop me, Sally! -Ha! -And you're gonna help me.

sally

↓

I need you to help me get Sally, here, out of bed,

sally

↓

I need you to help me get Sally, here, out of bed,

sally

↓

then I can go back to trying to get her into bed.

↓

then I can go back to trying to get her into bed.

↓

-Stop! -You stop, foxy lady!

lady

↓

You're doing great. Just follow your instincts, OK? And you, don't flirt.

flirt follow instincts

↓

You're doing great. Just follow your instincts, OK? And you, don't flirt.

flirt follow instincts

↓

-Wanna make him jealous? -No.

jealous

↓

Thank, thanks a latte! Thank, thank, well, well, well, thanks a lot!

latte thanks

↓

Thank, thanks a latte! Thank, thank, well, well, well, thanks a lot!

latte thanks

↓

I, oh, "Thanks a latte"! I got it!

latte thanks

↓

At a hospital, there's always one sure way to deal with boredom.

deal hospital

↓

You guys wanna go laugh at the narcoleptic guy?

laugh

↓

I know it sounds insensitive, but let's face it,

face insensitive sounds

↓

I know it sounds insensitive, but let's face it,

face insensitive sounds

↓

narcolepsy is a funny condition.

condition funny

↓

And it can be triggered by a number of things, like stress.

number stress triggered

↓

And it can be triggered by a number of things, like stress.

number stress triggered

↓

Or anger, from, say,

anger

↓

Or anger, from, say,

anger

↓

three double-bogeys in a row. (SPLASH!)

double splash three

↓

three double-bogeys in a row. (SPLASH!)

double splash three

↓

Or,... in Mr Hilliard's case....

case

↓

Or,... in Mr Hilliard's case....

case

↓

-Sexual arousal!?

arousal sexual

↓

-I'm going in. (SIGHS)

sighs

↓

-I'm going in. (SIGHS)

sighs

↓

Is falling asleep after sex considered narcolepsy?

asleep considered falling

↓

Is falling asleep after sex considered narcolepsy?

asleep considered falling

↓

Cos if it is, Mr Roberts got it.

roberts

↓

-OK, first, she's gonna stick her chest out,

chest stick

↓

-OK, first, she's gonna stick her chest out,

chest stick

↓

and then she'll toss her hair.

hair shell toss

↓

-That's sexy. -And, drop!

drop sexy

↓

-Oh! Oops!

oops

↓

-Oh! Oops!

oops

↓

-Oh, that did it.

↓

-Oh, that did it.

↓

-Hell, yeah!

↓

-Hell, yeah!

↓

I have a boyfriend, work is going well,

boyfriend

↓

I have a boyfriend, work is going well,

boyfriend

↓

I feel cute for the first time in my life,

cute life

↓

my self-esteem cannot be touched!

cannot esteem self self-esteem touched

↓

my self-esteem cannot be touched!

cannot esteem self self-esteem touched

↓

-It's been weird since I got engaged.

engaged weird

↓

-You're right, I'll never get married!

married

↓

Message received! -This is about me.

message message-received received

↓

Message received! -This is about me.

message message-received received

↓

-Oh, really? -Yeah. -Oh, OK.

↓

-I don't feel attractive at all lately, like I've lost my spark.

attractive lately lost spark

↓

-I don't feel attractive at all lately, like I've lost my spark.

attractive lately lost spark

↓

-Oh, please! Remember what Kelso said about your hair?

hair kelso remember

↓

-Oh, please! Remember what Kelso said about your hair?

hair kelso remember

↓

-It makes you look frumpy! -I thought he said clumpy!

makes

↓

-It makes you look frumpy! -I thought he said clumpy!

makes

↓

-How is that better?

↓

-I... -You don't know.

↓

-I... -You don't know.

↓

-Morning, boys! -Sir?

boys morning

↓

This is where we play. -Funny.

funny

↓

This is where we play. -Funny.

funny

↓

I thought this was where we worked.

worked

↓

I thought this was where we worked.

worked

↓

-I have a low-anterior resection this afternoon,

afternoon resection

↓

and I'd really like to exercise in order to be at my best.

best exercise order

↓

and I'd really like to exercise in order to be at my best.

best exercise order

↓

-Well, I'd like to have grandkids someday,

grandkids someday

↓

-Well, I'd like to have grandkids someday,

grandkids someday

↓

but the last five Christmases, my son brought his roommate Brad home!

brad brought five home roommate

↓

but the last five Christmases, my son brought his roommate Brad home!

brad brought five home roommate

↓

So, you tell me whether life is fair.

fair life whether

↓

So, you tell me whether life is fair.

fair life whether

↓

-I can't believe you did your residency here!

believe residency

↓

-I can't believe you did your residency here!

believe residency

↓

-You kidding me? We lived, we loved, we sang to each other.

kidding lived loved sang

↓

-You kidding me? We lived, we loved, we sang to each other.

kidding lived loved sang

↓

Hey, Laverne, remember the time you and I got a little crazy, right?

crazy laverne remember

↓

Hey, Laverne, remember the time you and I got a little crazy, right?

crazy laverne remember

↓

Went to the waterfall, stripped off our scrubs, dove in. Remember?

dove remember scrubs stripped

↓

Went to the waterfall, stripped off our scrubs, dove in. Remember?

dove remember scrubs stripped

↓

-Are you hitting the crack-pipe? -That's the magic I'm talking about!

crack hitting magic pipe

↓

-Are you hitting the crack-pipe? -That's the magic I'm talking about!

crack hitting magic pipe

↓

-Hey, ladies. -You two must know each other.

ladies must

↓

-Dr Cox. -Petey.

petey

↓

-Dr Cox. -Petey.

petey

↓

-When you're in an awkward situation,

awkward situation

↓

-When you're in an awkward situation,

awkward situation

↓

the best thing to do is to go to your happy place.

best happy happy-place place

↓

the best thing to do is to go to your happy place.

best happy happy-place place

↓

-Well, it's not uncommon! A lot of people

uncommon

↓

keep plants in their apartment. Right, JD?

apartment plants

↓

keep plants in their apartment. Right, JD?

apartment plants

↓

(LAUGHS) Oh, Jay! You're so crazy!

crazy laughs

↓

(LAUGHS) Oh, Jay! You're so crazy!

crazy laughs

↓

(PLAYS MAD RIFF)

plays riff

↓

-We have a little history. Yeah.

history

↓

-We have a little history. Yeah.

history

↓

-What's up his pooper? -He's mad cos I went into private practice,

pooper practice private private-practice

↓

and he's stuck in this hell hole. -Yeah.

hole stuck

↓

and he's stuck in this hell hole. -Yeah.

hole stuck

↓

-That guy was my mentor. I lived and breathed for his approval.

approval lived mentor

↓

-That guy was my mentor. I lived and breathed for his approval.

approval lived mentor

↓

-That's lame. -I know! Once you learn the tricks, he's easy to deal with.

deal easy lame learn tricks

↓

-That's lame. -I know! Once you learn the tricks, he's easy to deal with.

deal easy lame learn tricks

↓

-Tell me about it. (LAUGHS) I'm serious, tell me about it. -Oh!

laughs serious

↓

-Tell me about it. (LAUGHS) I'm serious, tell me about it. -Oh!

laughs serious

↓

Oh. Er, well, you know when he gets on his rants, he gets all hyped up,

↓

Oh. Er, well, you know when he gets on his rants, he gets all hyped up,

↓

his veins stick out of his neck, and he yells at ya,

neck stick veins yells

↓

his veins stick out of his neck, and he yells at ya,

neck stick veins yells

↓

when he's done, just stare him right in the eye,

stare

↓

and say, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

↓

and say, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

↓

(LAUGHS) It works, trust me.

laughs trust works

↓

-No, I do. How do you get him to stop calling you girl's names?

calling girls names

↓

-No, I do. How do you get him to stop calling you girl's names?

calling girls names

↓

-Girl's names? -Oh. Never mind.

girls mind names

↓

-Girl's names? -Oh. Never mind.

girls mind names

↓

-Pukers! (BLOWS)

blows

↓

I gotta get this thing fixed.

fixed

↓

I gotta get this thing fixed.

fixed

↓

-Allow me! May I?

allow

↓

-Allow me! May I?

allow

↓

Ah, yep. See, what you got here is a Medi-Com XJ.

medi

↓

Ah, yep. See, what you got here is a Medi-Com XJ.

medi

↓

Got a hip-guard on it. It's always coming loose?

coming guard loose

↓

-It is always coming loose! -I've been there, I've seen it,

coming loose seen

↓

-It is always coming loose! -I've been there, I've seen it,

coming loose seen

↓

I fixed it. Give that a try, Missy.

fixed fixed-it missy

↓

I fixed it. Give that a try, Missy.

fixed fixed-it missy

↓

-Thank you! -Oh, for what? For doing my job?

↓

-Thank you! -Oh, for what? For doing my job?

↓

This kinda thing gets me up in the morning.

kinda morning

↓

That, and the smell of urinal cakes. (LAUGHS)

cakes laughs smell urinal

↓

That, and the smell of urinal cakes. (LAUGHS)

cakes laughs smell urinal

↓

Anyway, see you around! Have a good one!

↓

Anyway, see you around! Have a good one!

↓

-Back at ya!

↓

-What are you smiling about?

smiling

↓

-Oh, I just made a new friend.

friend

↓

-Oh, I just made a new friend.

friend

↓

(HUMS)

hums

↓

-This is so unfair of Kelso. Everyone has a way of taking the edge off!

edge kelso unfair

↓

-This is so unfair of Kelso. Everyone has a way of taking the edge off!

edge kelso unfair

↓

You and I, we've got basketball.

basketball

↓

You and I, we've got basketball.

basketball

↓

Nurse Roberts has got her stories.

nurse nurse-roberts roberts stories

↓

-A guy named DRK must love Miss PacMan,

love miss must named pacman

↓

-A guy named DRK must love Miss PacMan,

love miss must named pacman

↓

cos he's got a high score of 41 million.

million score

↓

-DRK? Dr Kelso!

kelso

↓

-DRK? Dr Kelso!

kelso

↓

(MAKES COMPUTER GAME SOUNDS)

computer game makes sounds

↓

(MAKES COMPUTER GAME SOUNDS)

computer game makes sounds

↓

-Oh, Miss PacMan, I would sex that bow right off your head!

head miss pacman

↓

-Oh, Miss PacMan, I would sex that bow right off your head!

head miss pacman

↓

Eat those dots, you naughty, naughty girl!

dots girl naughty

↓

Eat those dots, you naughty, naughty girl!

dots girl naughty

↓

-Hey, Dr Cox. -Oh, hey, buddy! I was just thinking about you!

buddy thinking

↓

-Hey, Dr Cox. -Oh, hey, buddy! I was just thinking about you!

buddy thinking

↓

It might be nice to have somebody around here who could help me out.

might somebody

↓

It might be nice to have somebody around here who could help me out.

might somebody

↓

You know, someone I could call, "My Resident"

resident

↓

You know, someone I could call, "My Resident"

resident

↓

and we'd do stuff together, medical stuff. It would just be peaches!

medical medical-stuff peaches stuff

↓

Then it occurred to me that a guy

occurred

↓

who looked a hell of a lot like you used to be that guy.

looked used

↓

who looked a hell of a lot like you used to be that guy.

looked used

↓

Monica! Just because you have a new buddy

buddy

↓

doesn't mean you can drop all your regular duties.

drop duties regular

↓

And I know I just said "drop your duties,"

drop duties

↓

And I know I just said "drop your duties,"

drop duties

↓

and, so help me God, if you even smile,

smile

↓

I will crush you into two little newbie-cubes

crush cubes newbie

↓

I will crush you into two little newbie-cubes

crush cubes newbie

↓

and hang you from my rear-view mirror. Whatta you gotta say?

hang mirror rear rear-view view view-mirror

↓

and hang you from my rear-view mirror. Whatta you gotta say?

hang mirror rear rear-view view view-mirror

↓

-Just do it!

↓

-Just do it!

↓

I'm sorry, did you say something?

↓

-Welcome to today's lecture,

lecture todays welcome

↓

-Welcome to today's lecture,

lecture todays welcome

↓

The Biomechanical Reaction of Dr Cox When He's Not Being Listened To.

listened reaction

↓

The Biomechanical Reaction of Dr Cox When He's Not Being Listened To.

listened reaction

↓

Stage one, the jaw-clench. Arrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!

clench stage

↓

Stage one, the jaw-clench. Arrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!

clench stage

↓

Quickly followed by stage two, syllable elongation.

followed quickly stage syllable

↓

Quickly followed by stage two, syllable elongation.

followed quickly stage syllable

↓

-Newbie, I re-he-heally don't have time to repeat myself!

newbie repeat

↓

-Newbie, I re-he-heally don't have time to repeat myself!

newbie repeat

↓

-Finally, stage three. Dr Cox begrudgingly offers some respect,

finally offers respect stage three

↓

-Finally, stage three. Dr Cox begrudgingly offers some respect,

finally offers respect stage three

↓

but distances himself by over using the word "there."

using word

↓

but distances himself by over using the word "there."

using word

↓

-But, I gotta give it to you, there, for yanking my chain, there. There!

chain yanking

↓

-But, I gotta give it to you, there, for yanking my chain, there. There!

chain yanking

↓

-The young soldier is offered a prize for his courage.

courage offered prize soldier young

↓

-The young soldier is offered a prize for his courage.

courage offered prize soldier young

↓

Get ready!

ready

↓

Get ready!

ready

↓

-I'll tell you what, there, Newbie,

newbie

↓

-I'll tell you what, there, Newbie,

newbie

↓

if you want to stick around

stick

↓

and help me out with Mrs Riley's pericardial synthesis

↓

and help me out with Mrs Riley's pericardial synthesis

↓

after work, that'd be great.

thatd

↓

after work, that'd be great.

thatd

↓

-I knew this was his way of reaching out, but still...

reaching

↓

I have plans tonight. -Oh, what plans?

plans plans-tonight tonight

↓

I have plans tonight. -Oh, what plans?

plans plans-tonight tonight

↓

-OK, think of something believable. Grandma died! No, don't do that,

believable died grandma grandma-died

↓

-OK, think of something believable. Grandma died! No, don't do that,

believable died grandma grandma-died

↓

if she dies, I'll feel bad. She's no spring chicken.

chicken dies spring

↓

if she dies, I'll feel bad. She's no spring chicken.

chicken dies spring

↓

I should call her. But whenever we talk,

↓

I have nothing to say. How about asking how I am?!

asking

↓

I have nothing to say. How about asking how I am?!

asking

↓

(WHISTLES) Newbie! My grandma died!

died grandma grandma-died newbie whistles whistles-newbie

↓

(WHISTLES) Newbie! My grandma died!

died grandma grandma-died newbie whistles whistles-newbie

↓

-Hello, Mr Hilliard.

hilliard

↓

-Hey.

↓

-Hey.

↓

-Just wanna make sure you're comfortable!

comfortable

↓

-Just wanna make sure you're comfortable!

comfortable

↓

-Who are you?

↓

-Who are you?

↓

-They call me Carla. -OK, Carla it is.

carla

↓

-They call me Carla. -OK, Carla it is.

carla

↓

-Mr Hilliard? -Mm-hmm?

hilliard

↓

-Do I have something on my...

↓

-Do I have something on my...

↓

..lips? -Nope! Totally clean.

clean lips nope

↓

..lips? -Nope! Totally clean.

clean lips nope

↓

-I felt guilty about blowing off Dr Cox to grab a beer with Pete.

beer blowing grab guilty pete

↓

Of course, that was before we got Nancy as our waitress.

course nancy waitress

↓

Of course, that was before we got Nancy as our waitress.

course nancy waitress

↓

-Nancy, the kid's a doctor, for crying out loud. He saves lives.

crying doctor kids lives loud nancy saves

↓

-Nancy, the kid's a doctor, for crying out loud. He saves lives.

crying doctor kids lives loud nancy saves

↓

That's worthy of your respect, or at least one drunken weekend in Vegas.

drunken least respect vegas weekend worthy

↓

That's worthy of your respect, or at least one drunken weekend in Vegas.

drunken least respect vegas weekend worthy

↓

-Three-day weekend! -Three days! Columbus day!

columbus days three three-days weekend

↓

-Three-day weekend! -Three days! Columbus day!

columbus days three three-days weekend

↓

That's coming up, right? Come on!

coming

↓

-Everyone deals with problems in their own way.

deals problems

↓

-Everyone deals with problems in their own way.

deals problems

↓

Some lash out at others,...

lash others

↓

(SIGHS)

sighs

↓

(SIGHS)

sighs

↓

-..some just end up lashing out at themselves.

lashing

↓

-..some just end up lashing out at themselves.

lashing

↓

And some people just try to hide.

hide

↓

And some people just try to hide.

hide

↓

-Nancy! Nancy.

nancy

↓

-Unfortunately, that never works.

unfortunately works

↓

Hey, Dr Cox. Look, I'm so sorry I lied to you last night.

lied night

↓

Hey, Dr Cox. Look, I'm so sorry I lied to you last night.

lied night

↓

I should've told you I was out with Pete.

pete shouldve

↓

I should've told you I was out with Pete.

pete shouldve

↓

-Did we just slip into some alternate dimension

dimension slip

↓

-Did we just slip into some alternate dimension

dimension slip

↓

where I give a flying ducky about what you say and do?

ducky flying

↓

-I know he's in private practice, but Pete's actually a really cool guy.

cool petes practice private private-practice

↓

-I know he's in private practice, but Pete's actually a really cool guy.

cool petes practice private private-practice

↓

-He is a bad guy, and Newbie,

newbie

↓

-He is a bad guy, and Newbie,

newbie

↓

if you're smart, you'll stay away from him.

smart

↓

if you're smart, you'll stay away from him.

smart

↓

-Ohhh, my God!

ohhh

↓

You're actually jealous that I'm hanging out with another doctor!

another another-doctor doctor hanging jealous

↓

You're actually jealous that I'm hanging out with another doctor!

another another-doctor doctor hanging jealous

↓

-No, I'm not. -Laverne?

laverne

↓

-No, I'm not. -Laverne?

laverne

↓

-Jealous. -Ta-dow!

jealous

↓

-Look, Marsha, if I were you, I'd drop this jealousy thing right now.

drop jealousy marsha

↓

-Look, Marsha, if I were you, I'd drop this jealousy thing right now.

drop jealousy marsha

↓

-Don't worry about it, champ. It's alright to need me.

alright champ worry

↓

-Don't worry about it, champ. It's alright to need me.

alright champ worry

↓

(GRUNTS) -Touchdown!

grunts touchdown

↓

(GRUNTS) -Touchdown!

grunts touchdown

↓

Hi, Happy! -I'm hideous.

happy hideous

↓

Hi, Happy! -I'm hideous.

happy hideous

↓

I can't even get Todd to make a sex joke. Watch this.

joke todd watch

↓

Hey, Todd? I'm out of extra-long tongue depressors, do you have one?

extra todd tongue

↓

Hey, Todd? I'm out of extra-long tongue depressors, do you have one?

extra todd tongue

↓

-Sorry, Carla, I'm all out. -He didn't say, "Yeah, in my pants".

carla pants

↓

-Sorry, Carla, I'm all out. -He didn't say, "Yeah, in my pants".

carla pants

↓

-God! What is so different about me since I got engaged?

engaged

↓

-God! What is so different about me since I got engaged?

engaged

↓

-Wait, I found one. It's not made of wood, but give me a minute!

found minute wood

↓

Hey, have you checked Mr Oberman for hypertension?

checked

↓

Because I've got hypertension right here!

↓

Because I've got hypertension right here!

↓

-No... way!

↓

-No... way!

↓

(GIGGLES) Boobies!

boobies giggles

↓

Charts.

charts

↓

Charts.

charts

↓

-I know it was you!

↓

-You mean this right here?

↓

-You mean this right here?

↓

This is mine from home.

home

↓

This is mine from home.

home

↓

-Forty million, son!

forty million

↓

Do you have any idea how many patients I had to ignore

idea ignore patients

↓

Do you have any idea how many patients I had to ignore

idea ignore patients

↓

to get that high score? People died!

died score

↓

-Well, what about me, sir? I need to play basketball.

basketball

↓

-Well, what about me, sir? I need to play basketball.

basketball

↓

Since you lost that game, aren't you more stressed than usual?

game lost stressed usual

↓

Since you lost that game, aren't you more stressed than usual?

game lost stressed usual

↓

-Open! Open!

open open-open

↓

-Open! Open!

open open-open

↓

Open! OPEN!

open open-open

↓

(LIFT DINGS)

dings lift

↓

(LIFT DINGS)

dings lift

↓

-Maybe a little. -So, what do we do now?

↓

-Maybe a little. -So, what do we do now?

↓

-Now, this is how you relieve stress.

relieve stress

↓

-Now, this is how you relieve stress.

relieve stress

↓

Dammit to hell!

dammit

↓

-You're saying the Janitor's a nice person? -He is such a sweetie.

janitors person sweetie

↓

-I'm gonna ask him an innocuous little question,

innocuous question

↓

-I'm gonna ask him an innocuous little question,

innocuous question

↓

and his answer will be filled with hate. Filled with it! How's it going?

answer filled hate

↓

and his answer will be filled with hate. Filled with it! How's it going?

answer filled hate

↓

-Very well, sir. Thanks for asking. How are you?

asking thanks

↓

-Very well, sir. Thanks for asking. How are you?

asking thanks

↓

-Do you not see the hate? -What is wrong with you?

hate

↓

-Do you not see the hate? -What is wrong with you?

hate

↓

-That was a good one. -I think so.

↓

-That was a good one. -I think so.

↓

Alright, go. Hold it. Nah.

alright

↓

-He's doing it!

↓

-He's doing it!

↓

-What's the deal, Alpha Dog? You ever gonna cut me some slack?

alpha deal slack

↓

-What's the deal, Alpha Dog? You ever gonna cut me some slack?

alpha deal slack

↓

-Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey...

petey petey-petey petey-petey-petey

↓

-Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey...

petey petey-petey petey-petey-petey

↓

-OK, good answer. Look, er,

answer

↓

I know you're seeing Jordan again, I just wanted to say, good for you.

jordan seeing wanted

↓

I know you're seeing Jordan again, I just wanted to say, good for you.

jordan seeing wanted

↓

-Would you like to know what'd be good for you?

whatd

↓

-Would you like to know what'd be good for you?

whatd

↓

-More bran in my diet? -How about you never mention Jordan again?

bran diet jordan mention

↓

-More bran in my diet? -How about you never mention Jordan again?

bran diet jordan mention

↓

-Do you mind if I turn on CNN?

mind

↓

Grandma bought me stock, I wanna see how it's doing.

bought grandma stock

↓

Grandma bought me stock, I wanna see how it's doing.

bought grandma stock

↓

-Look at Rockefeller. Pass me the remote, buddy.

buddy pass remote rockefeller

↓

-Look at Rockefeller. Pass me the remote, buddy.

buddy pass remote rockefeller

↓

-Cool! These guys are finally starting to get along.

along cool finally finally-starting starting

↓

(CRASH!) Or not.

crash

↓

(CRASH!) Or not.

crash

↓

-No big deal! I'll, er, you know,

deal

↓

do one of these, change the channel.

change channel

↓

do one of these, change the channel.

change channel

↓

-Or we could just leave it on this station.

station

↓

-Mr Hilliard, I like my body.

body hilliard

↓

-OK. -I didn't always.

↓

-OK. -I didn't always.

↓

When I was ten, my swim coach told me my butt stuck out of the water.

butt coach stuck swim water

↓

When I was ten, my swim coach told me my butt stuck out of the water.

butt coach stuck swim water

↓

But now? I like it when my boyfriend looks and my wagon

boyfriend wagon

↓

But now? I like it when my boyfriend looks and my wagon

boyfriend wagon

↓

and goes "BAM!", you know? I'm OK with my curves.

curves

↓

Women inject God-knows-what into their face to have lips like mine!

face inject knows lips women

↓

Mr Hilliard! I can hop out of the shower and look at my naked body

body hilliard naked shower

↓

Mr Hilliard! I can hop out of the shower and look at my naked body

body hilliard naked shower

↓

for ten seconds without losing it, that's more than most women!

losing seconds women

↓

for ten seconds without losing it, that's more than most women!

losing seconds women

↓

Still, when I can't make you fall asleep,

asleep fall fall-asleep

↓

Still, when I can't make you fall asleep,

asleep fall fall-asleep

↓

it's like hearing my swim coach again,

coach hearing swim

↓

it's like hearing my swim coach again,

coach hearing swim

↓

and my body doesn't deserve that.

body deserve

↓

-What do you want me to do? -Fall asleep.

asleep fall fall-asleep

↓

-What do you want me to do? -Fall asleep.

asleep fall fall-asleep

↓

-I'm not attracted to you! -WHY!?

attracted

↓

-You remind me of my sister. -But I'm not your sister!

remind sister

↓

-You remind me of my sister. -But I'm not your sister!

remind sister

↓

That's what I'm talking about.

↓

(EXHALES) Had to be done.

exhales

↓

(EXHALES) Had to be done.

exhales

↓

-OK. Terrific. Grown-ups tackle each other all the time.

grown tackle terrific

↓

-OK. Terrific. Grown-ups tackle each other all the time.

grown tackle terrific

↓

Perry, I can't change what already happened,

change happened perry

↓

Perry, I can't change what already happened,

change happened perry

↓

but believe me, I never meant to come between you and anyone.

believe meant

↓

-Watching Dr Cox and Pete fight over me was,

fight pete watching

↓

-Watching Dr Cox and Pete fight over me was,

fight pete watching

↓

aw, hell, I'll say it, it was awesome!

awesome

↓

aw, hell, I'll say it, it was awesome!

awesome

↓

-You went ahead and took something that did not belong to you.

ahead belong

↓

-You went ahead and took something that did not belong to you.

ahead belong

↓

-A bit possessive, but I'm flattered.

flattered

↓

-Worse than that, you did it knowing just exactly how I felt about her.

knowing worse

↓

-Worse than that, you did it knowing just exactly how I felt about her.

knowing worse

↓

-Ah, he just wouldn't be Dr Cox if he didn't refer to me as a her.

refer

↓

-Ah, he just wouldn't be Dr Cox if he didn't refer to me as a her.

refer

↓

-Hey, for what it's worth, I didn't make the first move.

worth

↓

-Hey, for what it's worth, I didn't make the first move.

worth

↓

-That's a lie! You bought me a latte!

bought latte

↓

-That's a lie! You bought me a latte!

bought latte

↓

Hey, guys.

↓

Hey, guys.

↓

-We were having problems.

having having-problems problems

↓

Problems that you knew all about because I confided in you.

problems

↓

Problems that you knew all about because I confided in you.

problems

↓

What did you do? You used it to get Jordan into bed, didn't you?

jordan used

↓

What did you do? You used it to get Jordan into bed, didn't you?

jordan used

↓

Didn't you?

↓

Didn't you?

↓

-Perry, come on. -Go.

perry

↓

-And the reason Dr Cox and his wife got divorced became abundantly clear.

became clear divorced reason wife

↓

-And the reason Dr Cox and his wife got divorced became abundantly clear.

became clear divorced reason wife

↓

-Yes! Get in there!

↓

-Yes! Get in there!

↓

Say it! -I'm your bitch.

bitch

↓

Say it! -I'm your bitch.

bitch

↓

-Don't be too hard on yourself, sir!

hard

↓

-Don't be too hard on yourself, sir!

hard

↓

You only been playing this game for 56 years!

game playing years

↓

-Dr Kelso, is this young man a guest of yours?

guest kelso young

↓

-Dr Kelso, is this young man a guest of yours?

guest kelso young

↓

-Dave, I've never seen him before in my life.

dave life seen

↓

-Dave, I've never seen him before in my life.

dave life seen

↓

-Really? -Dave,...

dave

↓

-Really? -Dave,...

dave

↓

Hey, man, you, you don't gotta... -Oh, yeah, I do.

↓

Hey, man, you, you don't gotta... -Oh, yeah, I do.

↓

Don't you run from me! Don't! Hey!

↓

Don't you run from me! Don't! Hey!

↓

-Dr Kelso!

kelso

↓

-Dr Kelso!

kelso

↓

Hey, hey! Jack Daniels! What's cracking?

cracking daniels jack

↓

My hot cousin's volleyball team has a game tonight,

cousins game team tonight volleyball volleyball-team

↓

My hot cousin's volleyball team has a game tonight,

cousins game team tonight volleyball volleyball-team

↓

tall girls, tiny shorts, you in?

girls shorts tall tiny

↓

-Er, I think I'm gonna pass.

pass

↓

-Er, I think I'm gonna pass.

pass

↓

-Oh, you're still in Perr-a-reeno's corner. But that's OK, buddy.

buddy corner

↓

-Oh, you're still in Perr-a-reeno's corner. But that's OK, buddy.

buddy corner

↓

Just a word to the wise. Just be careful who you hitch your wagon to.

careful hitch wagon wise word

↓

Just a word to the wise. Just be careful who you hitch your wagon to.

careful hitch wagon wise word

↓

I mean that. Yikes!

yikes

↓

I mean that. Yikes!

yikes

↓

I gotta go, OK? Hi! Could I buy you a house?

house

↓

I gotta go, OK? Hi! Could I buy you a house?

house

↓

-I guess sometimes it comes down to loyalty.

comes loyalty sometimes

↓

Hey, Dr Cox! -Still no talking in the bathroom, Newbie.

bathroom newbie

↓

Hey, Dr Cox! -Still no talking in the bathroom, Newbie.

bathroom newbie

↓

You know what's weird? -That you're allowed to talk?

allowed weird

↓

You know what's weird? -That you're allowed to talk?

allowed weird

↓

-I never blamed Jordan. I was a chief resident, I was here all the time,

blamed chief chief-resident jordan resident

↓

-I never blamed Jordan. I was a chief resident, I was here all the time,

blamed chief chief-resident jordan resident

↓

and I always made damn sure she knew she came second.

second

↓

and I always made damn sure she knew she came second.

second

↓

But, God almighty, I'm trying harder this time.

almighty harder

↓

But, God almighty, I'm trying harder this time.

almighty harder

↓

I just hope I'm doing the right thing, you know?

hope

↓

-Who cares if Jordan wants it a secret?

cares jordan secret wants

↓

-Who cares if Jordan wants it a secret?

cares jordan secret wants

↓

Tell him it's his baby! Scream it from the mountains!

baby mountains scream

↓

Tell him it's his baby! Scream it from the mountains!

baby mountains scream

↓

Dr Cox!

↓

-Oh, there you are! -Hey, babe. -Hi, handsome.

babe handsome

↓

-Oh, there you are! -Hey, babe. -Hi, handsome.

babe handsome

↓

How are you?

↓

Oh!

↓

Oh!

↓

Hello, DJ.

↓

-Hey, Jordan. How ya doin'?

doin jordan

↓

-Hey, Jordan. How ya doin'?

doin jordan

↓

-Oh! -Around here, you have to grab hold of the littlest victories.

grab victories

↓

-Oh! -Around here, you have to grab hold of the littlest victories.

grab victories

↓

Whether it's victories over your insecurities,...

insecurities victories whether

↓

-Doc, Doc, Dr Kelso?

kelso

↓

-..or security's victories over you.

securitys victories

↓

-..or security's victories over you.

securitys victories

↓

-Dr Kelso!

kelso

↓

-Either way,

↓

you gotta choose your battles.

battles choose

↓

you gotta choose your battles.

battles choose

↓

I want you to tell her the truth, dammit.

dammit truth

↓

You're a surly, devious, horrible excuse for a human being!

devious excuse horrible human

↓

You're a surly, devious, horrible excuse for a human being!

devious excuse horrible human

↓

Who's that?

↓

Who's that?

↓

-It's my son. -Oh, my God, JD!

↓

-It's my son. -Oh, my God, JD!

↓

-I'm sorry. I didn't see him there. -No, no, no, I'm glad he heard it.

glad heard

↓

-I'm sorry. I didn't see him there. -No, no, no, I'm glad he heard it.

glad heard

↓

I think it's important he sees how the world treats people like us.

sees treats world

↓

I think it's important he sees how the world treats people like us.

sees treats world

↓

-I'm so sorry.

↓

-I'm so sorry.

↓

-Who the hell are you?

↓

-Who the hell are you?

↓

Go on, beat it.

beat

↓

Go on, beat it.

beat

↓

Scram.

scram

↓

All right, stick around.

stick

↓

All right, stick around.

stick

↓

Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

access access-innovation access-innovation-media edited innovation innovation-media media

↓

Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

access access-innovation access-innovation-media edited innovation innovation-media media