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Season 2, Episode 16 — My Karma
-I still can't believe you guys are getting married.
#1
⇓
-I still can't believe you guys are getting married.
#2
⇓
-I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy.
#3
⇓
-I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy.
#4
⇓
About you because you're so damn cute.
#5
⇓
About you because you're so damn cute.
#6
⇓
-Good save. Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.
#7
⇓
-Good save. Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.
#8
⇓
-This is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends and...
#9
⇓
-This is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends and...
#10
⇓
..Nurse Roberts. -Don't get all pissy now. You said, "My treat, order whatever you want."
#11
⇓
..Nurse Roberts. -Don't get all pissy now. You said, "My treat, order whatever you want."
#12
⇓
You didn't say, "Order whatever you want except the lobster." -I said no shellfish.
#13
⇓
You didn't say, "Order whatever you want except the lobster." -I said no shellfish.
#14
⇓
'I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing...'
#15
⇓
'I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing...'
#16
⇓
-You can't celebrate without beer. -Right!
#17
⇓
-You can't celebrate without beer. -Right!
#18
⇓
'Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but -luckily I'm not the jealous type.'
#19
⇓
'Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but -luckily I'm not the jealous type.'
#20
⇓
Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here.
#21
⇓
Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here.
#22
⇓
A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week
#23
⇓
A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week
#24
⇓
will understand.
#25
⇓
will understand.
#26
⇓
You guys rock... You do.
#27
⇓
You guys rock... You do.
#28
⇓
'How's that taste, blondie?' -I've just gotten to know you as a couple
#29
⇓
'How's that taste, blondie?' -I've just gotten to know you as a couple
#30
⇓
but you remind me of my grandparents.
#31
⇓
but you remind me of my grandparents.
#32
⇓
They were married for 65 years, and every night before they walked
#33
⇓
They were married for 65 years, and every night before they walked
#34
⇓
round the block, he would look deep in her eyes as if to say,
#35
⇓
"I'd follow you anywhere." The way you two just looked at each other,
#36
⇓
"I'd follow you anywhere." The way you two just looked at each other,
#37
⇓
I could have sworn I was looking at them.
#38
⇓
-Lame! (This guy!)
#39
⇓
-Lame! (This guy!)
#40
⇓
Morning, Dr Kelso. -How is it this whole hospital gets up in arms
#41
⇓
Morning, Dr Kelso. -How is it this whole hospital gets up in arms
#42
⇓
every time our MRI machine misses a tumour, but every morning
#43
⇓
every time our MRI machine misses a tumour, but every morning
#44
⇓
our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot?
#45
⇓
our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot?
#46
⇓
our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot? -Did we miss another tumour?
#47
⇓
-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.
#48
⇓
-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.
#49
⇓
-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.
#50
⇓
-I wish I knew why it hurt so much. -It could be because it's damp out.
#51
⇓
-I wish I knew why it hurt so much. -It could be because it's damp out.
#52
⇓
It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open
#53
⇓
It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open
#54
⇓
with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy. You'll be fine.
#55
⇓
with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy. You'll be fine.
#56
⇓
Hey, Dr Dorian, I have a couple of minutes off. Would you like me
#57
⇓
Hey, Dr Dorian, I have a couple of minutes off. Would you like me
#58
⇓
to show you that new technique? -Yes, Doctor.
#59
⇓
to show you that new technique? -Yes, Doctor.
#60
⇓
-See, now, what you wanna do is choke up on the club like this.
#61
⇓
-See, now, what you wanna do is choke up on the club like this.
#62
⇓
And then hit this bad boy like a baseball.
#63
⇓
And then hit this bad boy like a baseball.
#64
⇓
-You can't teach that.
#65
⇓
-You can't teach that.
#66
⇓
You can't teach that. -No, you cannot, my friend.
#67
⇓
-So, what was up with Mr Simms' back?
#68
⇓
-So, what was up with Mr Simms' back?
#69
⇓
-During his open lung biopsy, I nicked his intercostal artery
#70
⇓
-During his open lung biopsy, I nicked his intercostal artery
#71
⇓
and now he's got a haematoma. -You gonna tell him?
#72
⇓
and now he's got a haematoma. -You gonna tell him?
#73
⇓
-And risk a law suit - are you crazy? Besides. it'll heal just fine.
#74
⇓
-And risk a law suit - are you crazy? Besides. it'll heal just fine.
#75
⇓
Hey, throw me another ball.
#76
⇓
-Yeah, but don't you believe in bad karma? -No.
#77
⇓
-Yeah, but don't you believe in bad karma? -No.
#78
⇓
-Hot cup of lava coming through.
#79
⇓
-Hot cup of lava coming through.
#80
⇓
'Aaaaaaaaaargh!'
#81
⇓
'Aaaaaaaaaargh!'
#82
⇓
-I don't know. Me, I think karma keeps the universe in order.
#83
⇓
-I don't know. Me, I think karma keeps the universe in order.
#84
⇓
-Karma shmarma. If you're not getting the length on the drive you need,
#85
⇓
-Karma shmarma. If you're not getting the length on the drive you need,
#86
⇓
a lot of the better pros take a running start.
#87
⇓
a lot of the better pros take a running start.
#88
⇓
-Righty-oh.
#89
⇓
(GLASS SMASHES / TYRES SCREECH)
#90
⇓
(CRASH! / HORNS BLARE)
#91
⇓
(CRASH! / HORNS BLARE)
#92
⇓
# I can't do this all on my own
#93
⇓
# I can't do this all on my own
#94
⇓
# No, I know
#95
⇓
# No, I know
#96
⇓
# I'm no superman
#97
⇓
# I'm no superman #
#98
⇓
# I'm no superman #
#99
⇓
'In medicine you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.'
#100
⇓
'In medicine you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.'
#101
⇓
-Morning, sport.
#102
⇓
-Morning, sport.
#103
⇓
Morning, sport. 'Do not say splotchy!'
#104
⇓
Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy. -Oh, please! It's barely noticeable!
#105
⇓
Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy. -Oh, please! It's barely noticeable!
#106
⇓
-Oh! Dark roast. -Goddammit!
#107
⇓
-Oh! Dark roast. -Goddammit!
#108
⇓
-There she is. Are you ready to be born today?
#109
⇓
-There she is. Are you ready to be born today?
#110
⇓
Dooba-dooo! -Get away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg lock
#111
⇓
Dooba-dooo! -Get away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg lock
#112
⇓
and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs.
#113
⇓
and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs.
#114
⇓
-Enjoy your special day. -Thanks.
#115
⇓
-Enjoy your special day. -Thanks.
#116
⇓
-In honour of this little goblin's arrival,
#117
⇓
-In honour of this little goblin's arrival,
#118
⇓
I have taken care of everything. Dr Gurrison is waiting to induce you,
#119
⇓
I have taken care of everything. Dr Gurrison is waiting to induce you,
#120
⇓
she will also administer the world's largest epidural.
#121
⇓
she will also administer the world's largest epidural.
#122
⇓
I have woefully underqualified residents covering my patients
#123
⇓
I have woefully underqualified residents covering my patients
#124
⇓
so that I can be with you every step of the way,
#125
⇓
so that I can be with you every step of the way,
#126
⇓
and here's the kicker - I have traded every one of my weekends,
#127
⇓
and here's the kicker - I have traded every one of my weekends,
#128
⇓
I have called in every favour, and I have kissed every pompous ass
#129
⇓
I have called in every favour, and I have kissed every pompous ass
#130
⇓
in this fluorescent hellhole so that I could secure for you
#131
⇓
in this fluorescent hellhole so that I could secure for you
#132
⇓
the one and only Mc Daddy out-of-your-mind birthing suite
#133
⇓
the one and only Mc Daddy out-of-your-mind birthing suite
#134
⇓
in this entire hospital.
#135
⇓
in this entire hospital.
#136
⇓
-Nice job, Alice.
#137
⇓
-Hey, Paul. -What are you doing down here?
#138
⇓
-Hey, Paul. -What are you doing down here?
#139
⇓
-I need a nurse to help me out. -This name tag says, "Paul Flowers, Nurse",
#140
⇓
-I need a nurse to help me out. -This name tag says, "Paul Flowers, Nurse",
#141
⇓
not, "Paul Flowers, Elliot Reid's Boyfriend".
#142
⇓
What do you need? -Mr Mahoney threw up. He needs a bath.
#143
⇓
What do you need? -Mr Mahoney threw up. He needs a bath.
#144
⇓
-Hey, Dina, my girlfriend's got a job for you.
#145
⇓
-Hey, Dina, my girlfriend's got a job for you.
#146
⇓
-< Right! -I just want you to know, I am having such a good time with you.
#147
⇓
-< Right! -I just want you to know, I am having such a good time with you.
#148
⇓
-Me, too.
#149
⇓
Sorry I didn't call you last night. I totally crashed.
#150
⇓
Sorry I didn't call you last night. I totally crashed.
#151
⇓
-No big deal. -I love that you don't let the little things bother you.
#152
⇓
-No big deal. -I love that you don't let the little things bother you.
#153
⇓
Like you have pit stains, and you're like, "Whatever! I'm working hard."
#154
⇓
Like you have pit stains, and you're like, "Whatever! I'm working hard."
#155
⇓
-What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal! (LAUGHS)
#156
⇓
-What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal! (LAUGHS)
#157
⇓
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!
#158
⇓
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!
#159
⇓
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!
#160
⇓
'Doctors love to use humour.'
#161
⇓
Well, Mr Foster, your blood tests are back,
#162
⇓
Well, Mr Foster, your blood tests are back,
#163
⇓
and the good new is, you're not pregnant. (LAUGHS)
#164
⇓
and the good new is, you're not pregnant. (LAUGHS)
#165
⇓
You're... Cos you're...
#166
⇓
You're... Cos you're...
#167
⇓
-I said, "Not pregnant."
#168
⇓
-I said, "Not pregnant."
#169
⇓
(FEEDBACK) Is this thing on?
#170
⇓
And, hey! What is the deal with Q-Tips?
#171
⇓
And, hey! What is the deal with Q-Tips?
#172
⇓
They're not Qs and they're not tips!
#173
⇓
They're not Qs and they're not tips!
#174
⇓
(BAM! BAM!)
#175
⇓
(BAM! BAM!) (CRASH!)
#176
⇓
(BAM! BAM!) (CRASH!)
#177
⇓
-But unfortunately, the CAT scan suggests a laceration in your spleen,
#178
⇓
-But unfortunately, the CAT scan suggests a laceration in your spleen,
#179
⇓
which is why I asked for a surgical consult. So, how did this happen?
#180
⇓
which is why I asked for a surgical consult. So, how did this happen?
#181
⇓
-A golf ball hit my windshield and I drove into a tree.
#182
⇓
-A golf ball hit my windshield and I drove into a tree.
#183
⇓
OK, you are supposed to be up in the Mc Daddy suite,
#184
⇓
OK, you are supposed to be up in the Mc Daddy suite,
#185
⇓
but the woman who is in there is in her 40th hour of labour.
#186
⇓
but the woman who is in there is in her 40th hour of labour.
#187
⇓
-Did you explain to her that it is my room?
#188
⇓
-I started to, but then she screamed, grunted and pooped on the table.
#189
⇓
-I started to, but then she screamed, grunted and pooped on the table.
#190
⇓
It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.
#191
⇓
It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.
#192
⇓
It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.
#193
⇓
-I'm going to pooh in front of people?!
#194
⇓
-No.
#195
⇓
-No.
#196
⇓
Yeah.
#197
⇓
-We're done talking. -Don't tease me. -Where's Dr Gurrison?
#198
⇓
-We're done talking. -Don't tease me. -Where's Dr Gurrison?
#199
⇓
-With that woman. -Who the hell's taking care of me?! -She's sending her resident.
#200
⇓
-With that woman. -Who the hell's taking care of me?! -She's sending her resident.
#201
⇓
-Hey! I'm Donna Burlotti, but you can call me Dr Donna!
#202
⇓
-Hey! I'm Donna Burlotti, but you can call me Dr Donna!
#203
⇓
(LAUGHS)
#204
⇓
(LAUGHS)
#205
⇓
-Carla, you know how I'm crazy? -Sure. What's up?
#206
⇓
-Carla, you know how I'm crazy? -Sure. What's up?
#207
⇓
-It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul. -I hear you, girl.
#208
⇓
-It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul. -I hear you, girl.
#209
⇓
It wasn't until last week that I told Turk the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom
#210
⇓
It wasn't until last week that I told Turk the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom
#211
⇓
isn't the germs but cos I'm afraid of toilet snakes. -And now so am I.
#212
⇓
isn't the germs but cos I'm afraid of toilet snakes. -And now so am I.
#213
⇓
-You just hold out until he's invested enough, he won't run away at the first thing that spooks him.
#214
⇓
-You just hold out until he's invested enough, he won't run away at the first thing that spooks him.
#215
⇓
-With Paul I feel like I'm getting pretty close right now.
#216
⇓
-With Paul I feel like I'm getting pretty close right now.
#217
⇓
-So, you guys have...? -Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so...
#218
⇓
-So, you guys have...? -Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so...
#219
⇓
-Four dates? -One date longer than the sluts, one shorter than the prudes.
#220
⇓
-Four dates? -One date longer than the sluts, one shorter than the prudes.
#221
⇓
I am Four-Date Reid.
#222
⇓
I am Four-Date Reid.
#223
⇓
-Yeah, but what about that surgeon the other - -I'm Four-Date Reid!
#224
⇓
-Yeah, but what about that surgeon the other - -I'm Four-Date Reid!
#225
⇓
-Hey, cutie. Hey. You ready for our third date?
#226
⇓
-Hey, cutie. Hey. You ready for our third date?
#227
⇓
-Fourth. You're forgetting the time we met at the coffee machine.
#228
⇓
-Fourth. You're forgetting the time we met at the coffee machine.
#229
⇓
You shut up. Hi!
#230
⇓
You shut up. Hi!
#231
⇓
-What the hell am I doing playing golf? It's all Tiger Woods's fault.
#232
⇓
-What the hell am I doing playing golf? It's all Tiger Woods's fault.
#233
⇓
-He'll sue, we'll get fired, we'll have to become male whores.
#234
⇓
-He'll sue, we'll get fired, we'll have to become male whores.
#235
⇓
Very successful male whores -
#236
⇓
Very successful male whores -
#237
⇓
we'll have a nicer apartment, some bling-bling - but whores nonetheless.
#238
⇓
-Relax - nobody knows about this but us. We'll be fine.
#239
⇓
-Check out the personalised golf-club cosy I found on the roof.
#240
⇓
-Check out the personalised golf-club cosy I found on the roof.
#241
⇓
"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!
#242
⇓
"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!
#243
⇓
"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!
#244
⇓
-One of your golf balls went through the windshield of my van. No biggie. I just expect you to replace it.
#245
⇓
-One of your golf balls went through the windshield of my van. No biggie. I just expect you to replace it.
#246
⇓
-Your windshield's been broken for a year! -Yeah, I know. Still.
#247
⇓
-Your windshield's been broken for a year! -Yeah, I know. Still.
#248
⇓
"Oh, no!"
#249
⇓
"Oh, no!"
#250
⇓
"Looks like we're in a pickle! Pick - pick - pickle!"
#251
⇓
"Looks like we're in a pickle! Pick - pick - pickle!"
#252
⇓
Diggity buggetty buggetty buggetty!
#253
⇓
Diggity buggetty buggetty buggetty!
#254
⇓
Here's the keys. Have it back by tomorrow. Who are you?
#255
⇓
Here's the keys. Have it back by tomorrow. Who are you?
#256
⇓
-Dr Turk. -I don't care.
#257
⇓
-Dr Turk. -I don't care.
#258
⇓
-I'm not gonna lie to you, Bob -
#259
⇓
I have not been having the greatest day,
#260
⇓
I have not been having the greatest day,
#261
⇓
-Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.
#262
⇓
-Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.
#263
⇓
-Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room,
#264
⇓
-Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room,
#265
⇓
and I was wondering if... if...
#266
⇓
and I was wondering if... if...
#267
⇓
Whoo! Well!
#268
⇓
-Perry, if you want a favour, don't beat around the bush.
#269
⇓
-Perry, if you want a favour, don't beat around the bush.
#270
⇓
Just curtsey.
#271
⇓
Just curtsey.
#272
⇓
-I beg your pardon, backdraft? -You heard what I said.
#273
⇓
-I beg your pardon, backdraft? -You heard what I said.
#274
⇓
Well?
#275
⇓
Always remember how I made you do that.
#276
⇓
Always remember how I made you do that.
#277
⇓
-Hmmmm!
#278
⇓
-Ha! Ow!
#279
⇓
-Ha! Ow!
#280
⇓
-Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors.
#281
⇓
-Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors.
#282
⇓
So, what's the dealeo?
#283
⇓
So, what's the dealeo?
#284
⇓
-Ted, how bad would it really be if two doctors were hitting golf balls
#285
⇓
-Ted, how bad would it really be if two doctors were hitting golf balls
#286
⇓
off the roof and they caused a car accident
#287
⇓
off the roof and they caused a car accident
#288
⇓
and the driver needed surgery?
#289
⇓
Ted? -Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors!
#290
⇓
Ted? -Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors!
#291
⇓
So, what's the dealeo?
#292
⇓
-No dealeo, Ted. We just stopped by to say hi.
#293
⇓
-No dealeo, Ted. We just stopped by to say hi.
#294
⇓
Hi. -See you later, buddy.
#295
⇓
Hi. -See you later, buddy.
#296
⇓
-Later.
#297
⇓
-Later.
#298
⇓
'We both knew what we had to do.'
#299
⇓
'We both knew what we had to do.'
#300
⇓
Let's come clean. -Let's not tell anyone! Ever. Ever. Ever! Ever!
#301
⇓
Let's come clean. -Let's not tell anyone! Ever. Ever. Ever! Ever!
#302
⇓
-Ever?
#303
⇓
-Ever!
#304
⇓
-Ever!
#305
⇓
'I guess it's hard to predict -how a person will react.'
#306
⇓
'I guess it's hard to predict -how a person will react.'
#307
⇓
-So, do you wanna come in?
#308
⇓
-So, do you wanna come in?
#309
⇓
-No, it's OK. I'll see you tomorrow.
#310
⇓
-No, it's OK. I'll see you tomorrow.
#311
⇓
-Why don't we think of today as a test run?
#312
⇓
-Why don't we think of today as a test run?
#313
⇓
'Other times people react -exactly how you expect.'
#314
⇓
'Other times people react -exactly how you expect.'
#315
⇓
-The only way I could have felt more taken care of, is if I were
#316
⇓
-The only way I could have felt more taken care of, is if I were
#317
⇓
at a four star resort, or a third world country where you have to boil
#318
⇓
at a four star resort, or a third world country where you have to boil
#319
⇓
your own sewage for something to drink. A giant feather in your cap
#320
⇓
your own sewage for something to drink. A giant feather in your cap
#321
⇓
for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years(!)
#322
⇓
for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years(!)
#323
⇓
-I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am.
#324
⇓
-I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am.
#325
⇓
But when you get here tomorrow,
#326
⇓
But when you get here tomorrow,
#327
⇓
Dr Gurrison will be in the de luxe birthing suite, so that you
#328
⇓
can have that story-book drug-addled petocin-induced pregnancy
#329
⇓
you've always dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl.
#330
⇓
you've always dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl.
#331
⇓
But in the meantime, you've got to cut me a little slack.
#332
⇓
But in the meantime, you've got to cut me a little slack.
#333
⇓
It's not like the real father's running round here busting his hump.
#334
⇓
It's not like the real father's running round here busting his hump.
#335
⇓
-Oh, that's nice! I'm going home.
#336
⇓
-Oh, that's nice! I'm going home.
#337
⇓
-No. No, you're not. -Bye-bye.
#338
⇓
-No. No, you're not. -Bye-bye.
#339
⇓
-Jordan, your water just broke.
#340
⇓
-This kid's annoying me already.
#341
⇓
-This kid's annoying me already.
#342
⇓
-Having babies is so much fun! -I will choke her.
#343
⇓
-Having babies is so much fun! -I will choke her.
#344
⇓
-Please, Dr Burlotti, no more talking. -I really prefer Dr Donna!
#345
⇓
-Please, Dr Burlotti, no more talking. -I really prefer Dr Donna!
#346
⇓
-That means no, pep squad. Now, beat it.
#347
⇓
-That means no, pep squad. Now, beat it.
#348
⇓
And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side
#349
⇓
And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side
#350
⇓
until the baby is delivered. -Get the hell out of here.
#351
⇓
until the baby is delivered. -Get the hell out of here.
#352
⇓
-What?! -I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favour and get out?
#353
⇓
-What?! -I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favour and get out?
#354
⇓
-Fine.
#355
⇓
-It's important to stay positive.
#356
⇓
-Get me an epidural before I rip your teeth out! -Okey-dokey!
#357
⇓
-Get me an epidural before I rip your teeth out! -Okey-dokey!
#358
⇓
-Hey, girl's name! -What? -Give me a break!
#359
⇓
I've got a lot on my mind, Ellen. Oh, look at that - I bounced back.
#360
⇓
I've got a lot on my mind, Ellen. Oh, look at that - I bounced back.
#361
⇓
Anyway, the cave bad kicked me out of its lair,
#362
⇓
Anyway, the cave bad kicked me out of its lair,
#363
⇓
and as I no longer have my all-access pass to Crazy Town,
#364
⇓
and as I no longer have my all-access pass to Crazy Town,
#365
⇓
I need you to occasionally go in and poke her with a stick,
#366
⇓
I need you to occasionally go in and poke her with a stick,
#367
⇓
just to see how she's doing. -Dr Cox - -Please?!
#368
⇓
just to see how she's doing. -Dr Cox - -Please?!
#369
⇓
Just check on her, OK?
#370
⇓
-What if she has the baby while I'm in there?
#371
⇓
-What if she has the baby while I'm in there?
#372
⇓
-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
#373
⇓
-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
#374
⇓
-Here he comes! -What the hell is that?
#375
⇓
-Here he comes! -What the hell is that?
#376
⇓
-Goo-goo gaga! Gaga goo-goo!
#377
⇓
Goo-goo! (SQUAWKING)
#378
⇓
Goo-goo! (SQUAWKING)
#379
⇓
-Somebody get it off!
#380
⇓
'I'll check on her later.'
#381
⇓
'I'll check on her later.'
#382
⇓
-Elliot, wait up. Elliot.
#383
⇓
-Elliot, wait up. Elliot.
#384
⇓
-Hey.
#385
⇓
-I wanted to explain about last night.
#386
⇓
-I wanted to explain about last night.
#387
⇓
We had a great time, and I know you wanted me to come in to, you know.
#388
⇓
We had a great time, and I know you wanted me to come in to, you know.
#389
⇓
-Oh, no, no! I invited you in to see my fish tank.
#390
⇓
-Oh, no, no! I invited you in to see my fish tank.
#391
⇓
-Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?
#392
⇓
-Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?
#393
⇓
-Careful, Todd. -Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.
#394
⇓
-Careful, Todd. -Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.
#395
⇓
-Elliot, listen, I think you're an amazing girl.
#396
⇓
-Elliot, listen, I think you're an amazing girl.
#397
⇓
But something just didn't feel right about last night.
#398
⇓
But something just didn't feel right about last night.
#399
⇓
I've rushed things with people before. I don't wanna rush with you.
#400
⇓
I've rushed things with people before. I don't wanna rush with you.
#401
⇓
'Before?! Does he have -an ex-girlfriend. Is it her?!'
#402
⇓
'Before?! Does he have -an ex-girlfriend. Is it her?!'
#403
⇓
'Slut!' -I feel the same way.
#404
⇓
'Slut!' -I feel the same way.
#405
⇓
-Hey. -Oh, I am on to you.
#406
⇓
-Hey. -Oh, I am on to you.
#407
⇓
Going this way.
#408
⇓
So, now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi?
#409
⇓
So, now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi?
#410
⇓
-He's amazing in bed, with an awesome CD collection.
#411
⇓
-He's amazing in bed, with an awesome CD collection.
#412
⇓
-Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared?
#413
⇓
-Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared?
#414
⇓
-I'm still terrified!
#415
⇓
I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?
#416
⇓
I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?
#417
⇓
-Why? -Ate 'em all. -Sounds like good roughage to me.
#418
⇓
-Why? -Ate 'em all. -Sounds like good roughage to me.
#419
⇓
-What do you do when you get scared?
#420
⇓
-What do you do when you get scared?
#421
⇓
What do you do when you get scared? -Run away, get a divorce, drink a loan - you know, the classics.
#422
⇓
What do you do when you get scared? -Run away, get a divorce, drink a loan - you know, the classics.
#423
⇓
The thing is that this time I am killing myself for this woman,
#424
⇓
The thing is that this time I am killing myself for this woman,
#425
⇓
and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.
#426
⇓
and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.
#427
⇓
-There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up.
#428
⇓
-There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up.
#429
⇓
What makes it perfect is if you still wanna stay when things suck.
#430
⇓
What makes it perfect is if you still wanna stay when things suck.
#431
⇓
-Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.
#432
⇓
-Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.
#433
⇓
-It'll come to you.
#434
⇓
Hi, gentlemen. Either of you in the market for a van? 500 bucks.
#435
⇓
Hi, gentlemen. Either of you in the market for a van? 500 bucks.
#436
⇓
-The windshield cost that much. -Oh. 800. -No, thanks.
#437
⇓
-The windshield cost that much. -Oh. 800. -No, thanks.
#438
⇓
-Come on! There's still half a deer in the back.
#439
⇓
-Come on! There's still half a deer in the back.
#440
⇓
I think that's a deer.
#441
⇓
I think that's a deer.
#442
⇓
'After being blackmailed, -I decided to check in on Jordan.'
#443
⇓
'After being blackmailed, -I decided to check in on Jordan.'
#444
⇓
-You tell me, Donna! Do I look like I need more drugs?! -Ow! My face!
#445
⇓
-You tell me, Donna! Do I look like I need more drugs?! -Ow! My face!
#446
⇓
'I have other problems, because I -know that some windshield hush money
#447
⇓
'I have other problems, because I -know that some windshield hush money
#448
⇓
won't keep the karma gods from coming after Turk and me.'
#449
⇓
-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.
#450
⇓
-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.
#451
⇓
-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.
#452
⇓
Dude! Dr Winn's doing a stomach stapling,
#453
⇓
Dude! Dr Winn's doing a stomach stapling,
#454
⇓
and he wants you to be there to hold back the guy's fat flap.
#455
⇓
and he wants you to be there to hold back the guy's fat flap.
#456
⇓
-Apparently my face is scaring my patients,
#457
⇓
-Apparently my face is scaring my patients,
#458
⇓
so you're going to take them off my hands for about a week.
#459
⇓
so you're going to take them off my hands for about a week.
#460
⇓
-Turk!
#461
⇓
-Turk!
#462
⇓
The Dairy Queen burned down. -No! -Now do you see?
#463
⇓
The Dairy Queen burned down. -No! -Now do you see?
#464
⇓
-Carla, I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer.
#465
⇓
-Carla, I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer.
#466
⇓
Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me,
#467
⇓
Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me,
#468
⇓
and I'm just about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him,
#469
⇓
and I'm just about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him,
#470
⇓
and he's gonna die like this. -Calm down, Elliot.
#471
⇓
and he's gonna die like this. -Calm down, Elliot.
#472
⇓
Do what I used to do - find people who don't know Paul,
#473
⇓
Do what I used to do - find people who don't know Paul,
#474
⇓
and let it out in little bursts. -Good afternoon, ladies.
#475
⇓
and let it out in little bursts. -Good afternoon, ladies.
#476
⇓
-When I was a kid, I got sunburn like that, and I peeled the skin off,
#477
⇓
-When I was a kid, I got sunburn like that, and I peeled the skin off,
#478
⇓
put it in a pile and ate it.
#479
⇓
put it in a pile and ate it.
#480
⇓
-Good Lord!
#481
⇓
'For us, it was time to face -the karmic music.'
#482
⇓
'For us, it was time to face -the karmic music.'
#483
⇓
-We were the ones that hit your car with that golf ball.
#484
⇓
-We were the ones that hit your car with that golf ball.
#485
⇓
-Well, technically it was Dr Turk. -You liar!
#486
⇓
-Well, technically it was Dr Turk. -You liar!
#487
⇓
It was you! -You know what, it really doesn't matter.
#488
⇓
It was you! -You know what, it really doesn't matter.
#489
⇓
-What were you guys doing hitting golf balls way down town? -Down town.
#490
⇓
-What were you guys doing hitting golf balls way down town? -Down town.
#491
⇓
-I told you it wasn't us.
#492
⇓
-I told you it wasn't us.
#493
⇓
-This is almost exactly like the kind of picnics I have with my mother.
#494
⇓
-This is almost exactly like the kind of picnics I have with my mother.
#495
⇓
-You are so cute.
#496
⇓
-You are so cute.
#497
⇓
-And now it's exactly like 'em.
#498
⇓
-And now it's exactly like 'em.
#499
⇓
You got something in your tooth. 'Something on my teeth!'
#500
⇓
You got something in your tooth. 'Something on my teeth!'
#501
⇓
'Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!'
#502
⇓
Did I get it?
#503
⇓
Did I get it?
#504
⇓
-Er, no, but don't worry about it. So anyway, I was thinking... Elliot.
#505
⇓
-Er, no, but don't worry about it. So anyway, I was thinking... Elliot.
#506
⇓
Elliot, is everything alright?
#507
⇓
Elliot, is everything alright?
#508
⇓
Elliot, is everything alright? -Everything's great, yeah!
#509
⇓
Come here.
#510
⇓
Come here.
#511
⇓
What?
#512
⇓
-It's just, well, this is what bothered me the other night.
#513
⇓
-It's just, well, this is what bothered me the other night.
#514
⇓
Cos I know that there's something wrong, but you won't talk about it.
#515
⇓
Cos I know that there's something wrong, but you won't talk about it.
#516
⇓
I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
#517
⇓
I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
#518
⇓
-Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot!
#519
⇓
-Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot!
#520
⇓
Remember when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every half hour
#521
⇓
Remember when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every half hour
#522
⇓
since you told me, I am wracked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks.
#523
⇓
since you told me, I am wracked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks.
#524
⇓
I'm germaphobic, phobia-phobic.
#525
⇓
I talk to myself, I talk to my cat.
#526
⇓
I talk to myself, I talk to my cat.
#527
⇓
I talk to three shrinks about the fact that often my cats
#528
⇓
I talk to three shrinks about the fact that often my cats
#529
⇓
respond to me in my mother's voice, and yesterday, when that nurse
#530
⇓
respond to me in my mother's voice, and yesterday, when that nurse
#531
⇓
handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed a guy I was stitching
#532
⇓
handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed a guy I was stitching
#533
⇓
because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex
#534
⇓
because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex
#535
⇓
on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair
#536
⇓
on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair
#537
⇓
with a female butcher. I am insane. There. I opened up. Are you happy?
#538
⇓
with a female butcher. I am insane. There. I opened up. Are you happy?
#539
⇓
-No. I'm incredibly turned on.
#540
⇓
-No. I'm incredibly turned on.
#541
⇓
-I gotta get this right out of my teeth. Excuse me.
#542
⇓
-I gotta get this right out of my teeth. Excuse me.
#543
⇓
(CRASH!) Oh! I'm OK!
#544
⇓
(CRASH!) Oh! I'm OK!
#545
⇓
'I still believe in karma. -If I wasn't being punished
#546
⇓
'I still believe in karma. -If I wasn't being punished
#547
⇓
for Mr Golfball, I think I knew where my bad karma was coming from.'
#548
⇓
for Mr Golfball, I think I knew where my bad karma was coming from.'
#549
⇓
-I don't know many straight guys that wear cologne. -Only one spritz.
#550
⇓
-I don't know many straight guys that wear cologne. -Only one spritz.
#551
⇓
-Hmm. -Dr Cox asked me to check in on you.
#552
⇓
-Hmm. -Dr Cox asked me to check in on you.
#553
⇓
I'm sorry I haven't been here until now. -He asked you to check in on me?
#554
⇓
I'm sorry I haven't been here until now. -He asked you to check in on me?
#555
⇓
-Yep. So,...
#556
⇓
-Yep. So,...
#557
⇓
..how are you doin'?
#558
⇓
-Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me
#559
⇓
-Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me
#560
⇓
and show me that he loved me, but I had to drive him away,
#561
⇓
and show me that he loved me, but I had to drive him away,
#562
⇓
cos I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal,
#563
⇓
cos I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal,
#564
⇓
let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display.
#565
⇓
let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display.
#566
⇓
So, now he's gone for good, and I would like this thing out of me
#567
⇓
So, now he's gone for good, and I would like this thing out of me
#568
⇓
so I can go home and kill myself. -Well, you sound good.
#569
⇓
so I can go home and kill myself. -Well, you sound good.
#570
⇓
-I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see
#571
⇓
-I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see
#572
⇓
if he was going to be with me because he wanted to
#573
⇓
if he was going to be with me because he wanted to
#574
⇓
not because he had to. -What are you talking about?
#575
⇓
not because he had to. -What are you talking about?
#576
⇓
-It's his baby. Don't tell anyone.
#577
⇓
-It's his baby. Don't tell anyone.
#578
⇓
-Alright, look, it's time to get this thing under way,
#579
⇓
-Alright, look, it's time to get this thing under way,
#580
⇓
so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.
#581
⇓
so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.
#582
⇓
-Whatever. Alright. -Good.
#583
⇓
What were you two talking about?
#584
⇓
What were you two talking about?
#585
⇓
-Apartheid.
#586
⇓
-It's wrong. -Oh.
#587
⇓
-It's wrong. -Oh.
#588
⇓
'Call me New-Agey, but I think -karma's a powerful force.'
#589
⇓
'Call me New-Agey, but I think -karma's a powerful force.'
#590
⇓
-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.
#591
⇓
-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.
#592
⇓
-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.
#593
⇓
-Dude, it is so nice out here.
#594
⇓
Do you mind if I take a dance in the banana hammock?
#595
⇓
Do you mind if I take a dance in the banana hammock?
#596
⇓
'Because I honestly believe if you've -got bad karma coming your way,...'
#597
⇓
'Because I honestly believe if you've -got bad karma coming your way,...'
#598
⇓
-Hi, Dr Kelso. '..you can't hide from it.'
#599
⇓
-Hi, Dr Kelso. '..you can't hide from it.'
#600
⇓
'Karma's really just about doing the right thing.'
#601
⇓
'Karma's really just about doing the right thing.'
#602
⇓
-So, anyway,..
#603
⇓
..Mr Simms, I wanted to explain to you why your chest was hurting.
#604
⇓
..Mr Simms, I wanted to explain to you why your chest was hurting.
#605
⇓
During surgery, I...
#606
⇓
During surgery, I...
#607
⇓
'Or about being who you really are.'
#608
⇓
'Or about being who you really are.'
#609
⇓
'Either way, it's a lot to think about.'
#610
⇓
'Either way, it's a lot to think about.'
#611
⇓
-Oh, my God, would you look at the mug on Jordan's baby?
#612
⇓
-Oh, my God, would you look at the mug on Jordan's baby?
#613
⇓
Must have one butt-ugly father. -Yeah.
#614
⇓
Must have one butt-ugly father. -Yeah.
#615
⇓
'Damn you, karma!'
#616
⇓
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv
#617
⇓
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv
#618
⇓
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