Scrubs

-I still can't believe you guys are getting married.

#1

⇓

-I still can't believe you guys are getting married.

#2

⇓

-I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy.

#3

⇓

-I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy.

#4

⇓

About you because you're so damn cute.

#5

⇓

About you because you're so damn cute.

#6

⇓

-Good save. Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.

#7

⇓

-Good save. Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.

#8

⇓

-This is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends and...

#9

⇓

-This is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends and...

#10

⇓

..Nurse Roberts. -Don't get all pissy now. You said, "My treat, order whatever you want."

#11

⇓

..Nurse Roberts. -Don't get all pissy now. You said, "My treat, order whatever you want."

#12

⇓

You didn't say, "Order whatever you want except the lobster." -I said no shellfish.

#13

⇓

You didn't say, "Order whatever you want except the lobster." -I said no shellfish.

#14

⇓

'I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing...'

#15

⇓

'I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing...'

#16

⇓

-You can't celebrate without beer. -Right!

#17

⇓

-You can't celebrate without beer. -Right!

#18

⇓

'Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but -luckily I'm not the jealous type.'

#19

⇓

'Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but -luckily I'm not the jealous type.'

#20

⇓

Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here.

#21

⇓

Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here.

#22

⇓

A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week

#23

⇓

A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week

#24

⇓

will understand.

#25

⇓

will understand.

#26

⇓

You guys rock... You do.

#27

⇓

You guys rock... You do.

#28

⇓

'How's that taste, blondie?' -I've just gotten to know you as a couple

#29

⇓

'How's that taste, blondie?' -I've just gotten to know you as a couple

#30

⇓

but you remind me of my grandparents.

#31

⇓

but you remind me of my grandparents.

#32

⇓

They were married for 65 years, and every night before they walked

#33

⇓

They were married for 65 years, and every night before they walked

#34

⇓

round the block, he would look deep in her eyes as if to say,

#35

⇓

"I'd follow you anywhere." The way you two just looked at each other,

#36

⇓

"I'd follow you anywhere." The way you two just looked at each other,

#37

⇓

I could have sworn I was looking at them.

#38

⇓

-Lame! (This guy!)

#39

⇓

-Lame! (This guy!)

#40

⇓

Morning, Dr Kelso. -How is it this whole hospital gets up in arms

#41

⇓

Morning, Dr Kelso. -How is it this whole hospital gets up in arms

#42

⇓

every time our MRI machine misses a tumour, but every morning

#43

⇓

every time our MRI machine misses a tumour, but every morning

#44

⇓

our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot?

#45

⇓

our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot?

#46

⇓

our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot? -Did we miss another tumour?

#47

⇓

-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.

#48

⇓

-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.

#49

⇓

-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.

#50

⇓

-I wish I knew why it hurt so much. -It could be because it's damp out.

#51

⇓

-I wish I knew why it hurt so much. -It could be because it's damp out.

#52

⇓

It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open

#53

⇓

It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open

#54

⇓

with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy. You'll be fine.

#55

⇓

with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy. You'll be fine.

#56

⇓

Hey, Dr Dorian, I have a couple of minutes off. Would you like me

#57

⇓

Hey, Dr Dorian, I have a couple of minutes off. Would you like me

#58

⇓

to show you that new technique? -Yes, Doctor.

#59

⇓

to show you that new technique? -Yes, Doctor.

#60

⇓

-See, now, what you wanna do is choke up on the club like this.

#61

⇓

-See, now, what you wanna do is choke up on the club like this.

#62

⇓

And then hit this bad boy like a baseball.

#63

⇓

And then hit this bad boy like a baseball.

#64

⇓

-You can't teach that.

#65

⇓

-You can't teach that.

#66

⇓

You can't teach that. -No, you cannot, my friend.

#67

⇓

-So, what was up with Mr Simms' back?

#68

⇓

-So, what was up with Mr Simms' back?

#69

⇓

-During his open lung biopsy, I nicked his intercostal artery

#70

⇓

-During his open lung biopsy, I nicked his intercostal artery

#71

⇓

and now he's got a haematoma. -You gonna tell him?

#72

⇓

and now he's got a haematoma. -You gonna tell him?

#73

⇓

-And risk a law suit - are you crazy? Besides. it'll heal just fine.

#74

⇓

-And risk a law suit - are you crazy? Besides. it'll heal just fine.

#75

⇓

Hey, throw me another ball.

#76

⇓

-Yeah, but don't you believe in bad karma? -No.

#77

⇓

-Yeah, but don't you believe in bad karma? -No.

#78

⇓

-Hot cup of lava coming through.

#79

⇓

-Hot cup of lava coming through.

#80

⇓

'Aaaaaaaaaargh!'

#81

⇓

'Aaaaaaaaaargh!'

#82

⇓

-I don't know. Me, I think karma keeps the universe in order.

#83

⇓

-I don't know. Me, I think karma keeps the universe in order.

#84

⇓

-Karma shmarma. If you're not getting the length on the drive you need,

#85

⇓

-Karma shmarma. If you're not getting the length on the drive you need,

#86

⇓

a lot of the better pros take a running start.

#87

⇓

a lot of the better pros take a running start.

#88

⇓

-Righty-oh.

#89

⇓

(GLASS SMASHES / TYRES SCREECH)

#90

⇓

(CRASH! / HORNS BLARE)

#91

⇓

(CRASH! / HORNS BLARE)

#92

⇓

# I can't do this all on my own

#93

⇓

# I can't do this all on my own

#94

⇓

# No, I know

#95

⇓

# No, I know

#96

⇓

# I'm no superman

#97

⇓

# I'm no superman #

#98

⇓

# I'm no superman #

#99

⇓

'In medicine you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.'

#100

⇓

'In medicine you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.'

#101

⇓

-Morning, sport.

#102

⇓

-Morning, sport.

#103

⇓

Morning, sport. 'Do not say splotchy!'

#104

⇓

Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy. -Oh, please! It's barely noticeable!

#105

⇓

Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy. -Oh, please! It's barely noticeable!

#106

⇓

-Oh! Dark roast. -Goddammit!

#107

⇓

-Oh! Dark roast. -Goddammit!

#108

⇓

-There she is. Are you ready to be born today?

#109

⇓

-There she is. Are you ready to be born today?

#110

⇓

Dooba-dooo! -Get away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg lock

#111

⇓

Dooba-dooo! -Get away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg lock

#112

⇓

and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs.

#113

⇓

and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs.

#114

⇓

-Enjoy your special day. -Thanks.

#115

⇓

-Enjoy your special day. -Thanks.

#116

⇓

-In honour of this little goblin's arrival,

#117

⇓

-In honour of this little goblin's arrival,

#118

⇓

I have taken care of everything. Dr Gurrison is waiting to induce you,

#119

⇓

I have taken care of everything. Dr Gurrison is waiting to induce you,

#120

⇓

she will also administer the world's largest epidural.

#121

⇓

she will also administer the world's largest epidural.

#122

⇓

I have woefully underqualified residents covering my patients

#123

⇓

I have woefully underqualified residents covering my patients

#124

⇓

so that I can be with you every step of the way,

#125

⇓

so that I can be with you every step of the way,

#126

⇓

and here's the kicker - I have traded every one of my weekends,

#127

⇓

and here's the kicker - I have traded every one of my weekends,

#128

⇓

I have called in every favour, and I have kissed every pompous ass

#129

⇓

I have called in every favour, and I have kissed every pompous ass

#130

⇓

in this fluorescent hellhole so that I could secure for you

#131

⇓

in this fluorescent hellhole so that I could secure for you

#132

⇓

the one and only Mc Daddy out-of-your-mind birthing suite

#133

⇓

the one and only Mc Daddy out-of-your-mind birthing suite

#134

⇓

in this entire hospital.

#135

⇓

in this entire hospital.

#136

⇓

-Nice job, Alice.

#137

⇓

-Hey, Paul. -What are you doing down here?

#138

⇓

-Hey, Paul. -What are you doing down here?

#139

⇓

-I need a nurse to help me out. -This name tag says, "Paul Flowers, Nurse",

#140

⇓

-I need a nurse to help me out. -This name tag says, "Paul Flowers, Nurse",

#141

⇓

not, "Paul Flowers, Elliot Reid's Boyfriend".

#142

⇓

What do you need? -Mr Mahoney threw up. He needs a bath.

#143

⇓

What do you need? -Mr Mahoney threw up. He needs a bath.

#144

⇓

-Hey, Dina, my girlfriend's got a job for you.

#145

⇓

-Hey, Dina, my girlfriend's got a job for you.

#146

⇓

-< Right! -I just want you to know, I am having such a good time with you.

#147

⇓

-< Right! -I just want you to know, I am having such a good time with you.

#148

⇓

-Me, too.

#149

⇓

Sorry I didn't call you last night. I totally crashed.

#150

⇓

Sorry I didn't call you last night. I totally crashed.

#151

⇓

-No big deal. -I love that you don't let the little things bother you.

#152

⇓

-No big deal. -I love that you don't let the little things bother you.

#153

⇓

Like you have pit stains, and you're like, "Whatever! I'm working hard."

#154

⇓

Like you have pit stains, and you're like, "Whatever! I'm working hard."

#155

⇓

-What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal! (LAUGHS)

#156

⇓

-What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal! (LAUGHS)

#157

⇓

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!

#158

⇓

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!

#159

⇓

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!

#160

⇓

'Doctors love to use humour.'

#161

⇓

Well, Mr Foster, your blood tests are back,

#162

⇓

Well, Mr Foster, your blood tests are back,

#163

⇓

and the good new is, you're not pregnant. (LAUGHS)

#164

⇓

and the good new is, you're not pregnant. (LAUGHS)

#165

⇓

You're... Cos you're...

#166

⇓

You're... Cos you're...

#167

⇓

-I said, "Not pregnant."

#168

⇓

-I said, "Not pregnant."

#169

⇓

(FEEDBACK) Is this thing on?

#170

⇓

And, hey! What is the deal with Q-Tips?

#171

⇓

And, hey! What is the deal with Q-Tips?

#172

⇓

They're not Qs and they're not tips!

#173

⇓

They're not Qs and they're not tips!

#174

⇓

(BAM! BAM!)

#175

⇓

(BAM! BAM!) (CRASH!)

#176

⇓

(BAM! BAM!) (CRASH!)

#177

⇓

-But unfortunately, the CAT scan suggests a laceration in your spleen,

#178

⇓

-But unfortunately, the CAT scan suggests a laceration in your spleen,

#179

⇓

which is why I asked for a surgical consult. So, how did this happen?

#180

⇓

which is why I asked for a surgical consult. So, how did this happen?

#181

⇓

-A golf ball hit my windshield and I drove into a tree.

#182

⇓

-A golf ball hit my windshield and I drove into a tree.

#183

⇓

OK, you are supposed to be up in the Mc Daddy suite,

#184

⇓

OK, you are supposed to be up in the Mc Daddy suite,

#185

⇓

but the woman who is in there is in her 40th hour of labour.

#186

⇓

but the woman who is in there is in her 40th hour of labour.

#187

⇓

-Did you explain to her that it is my room?

#188

⇓

-I started to, but then she screamed, grunted and pooped on the table.

#189

⇓

-I started to, but then she screamed, grunted and pooped on the table.

#190

⇓

It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.

#191

⇓

It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.

#192

⇓

It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.

#193

⇓

-I'm going to pooh in front of people?!

#194

⇓

-No.

#195

⇓

-No.

#196

⇓

Yeah.

#197

⇓

-We're done talking. -Don't tease me. -Where's Dr Gurrison?

#198

⇓

-We're done talking. -Don't tease me. -Where's Dr Gurrison?

#199

⇓

-With that woman. -Who the hell's taking care of me?! -She's sending her resident.

#200

⇓

-With that woman. -Who the hell's taking care of me?! -She's sending her resident.

#201

⇓

-Hey! I'm Donna Burlotti, but you can call me Dr Donna!

#202

⇓

-Hey! I'm Donna Burlotti, but you can call me Dr Donna!

#203

⇓

(LAUGHS)

#204

⇓

(LAUGHS)

#205

⇓

-Carla, you know how I'm crazy? -Sure. What's up?

#206

⇓

-Carla, you know how I'm crazy? -Sure. What's up?

#207

⇓

-It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul. -I hear you, girl.

#208

⇓

-It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul. -I hear you, girl.

#209

⇓

It wasn't until last week that I told Turk the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom

#210

⇓

It wasn't until last week that I told Turk the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom

#211

⇓

isn't the germs but cos I'm afraid of toilet snakes. -And now so am I.

#212

⇓

isn't the germs but cos I'm afraid of toilet snakes. -And now so am I.

#213

⇓

-You just hold out until he's invested enough, he won't run away at the first thing that spooks him.

#214

⇓

-You just hold out until he's invested enough, he won't run away at the first thing that spooks him.

#215

⇓

-With Paul I feel like I'm getting pretty close right now.

#216

⇓

-With Paul I feel like I'm getting pretty close right now.

#217

⇓

-So, you guys have...? -Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so...

#218

⇓

-So, you guys have...? -Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so...

#219

⇓

-Four dates? -One date longer than the sluts, one shorter than the prudes.

#220

⇓

-Four dates? -One date longer than the sluts, one shorter than the prudes.

#221

⇓

I am Four-Date Reid.

#222

⇓

I am Four-Date Reid.

#223

⇓

-Yeah, but what about that surgeon the other - -I'm Four-Date Reid!

#224

⇓

-Yeah, but what about that surgeon the other - -I'm Four-Date Reid!

#225

⇓

-Hey, cutie. Hey. You ready for our third date?

#226

⇓

-Hey, cutie. Hey. You ready for our third date?

#227

⇓

-Fourth. You're forgetting the time we met at the coffee machine.

#228

⇓

-Fourth. You're forgetting the time we met at the coffee machine.

#229

⇓

You shut up. Hi!

#230

⇓

You shut up. Hi!

#231

⇓

-What the hell am I doing playing golf? It's all Tiger Woods's fault.

#232

⇓

-What the hell am I doing playing golf? It's all Tiger Woods's fault.

#233

⇓

-He'll sue, we'll get fired, we'll have to become male whores.

#234

⇓

-He'll sue, we'll get fired, we'll have to become male whores.

#235

⇓

Very successful male whores -

#236

⇓

Very successful male whores -

#237

⇓

we'll have a nicer apartment, some bling-bling - but whores nonetheless.

#238

⇓

-Relax - nobody knows about this but us. We'll be fine.

#239

⇓

-Check out the personalised golf-club cosy I found on the roof.

#240

⇓

-Check out the personalised golf-club cosy I found on the roof.

#241

⇓

"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!

#242

⇓

"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!

#243

⇓

"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!

#244

⇓

-One of your golf balls went through the windshield of my van. No biggie. I just expect you to replace it.

#245

⇓

-One of your golf balls went through the windshield of my van. No biggie. I just expect you to replace it.

#246

⇓

-Your windshield's been broken for a year! -Yeah, I know. Still.

#247

⇓

-Your windshield's been broken for a year! -Yeah, I know. Still.

#248

⇓

"Oh, no!"

#249

⇓

"Oh, no!"

#250

⇓

"Looks like we're in a pickle! Pick - pick - pickle!"

#251

⇓

"Looks like we're in a pickle! Pick - pick - pickle!"

#252

⇓

Diggity buggetty buggetty buggetty!

#253

⇓

Diggity buggetty buggetty buggetty!

#254

⇓

Here's the keys. Have it back by tomorrow. Who are you?

#255

⇓

Here's the keys. Have it back by tomorrow. Who are you?

#256

⇓

-Dr Turk. -I don't care.

#257

⇓

-Dr Turk. -I don't care.

#258

⇓

-I'm not gonna lie to you, Bob -

#259

⇓

I have not been having the greatest day,

#260

⇓

I have not been having the greatest day,

#261

⇓

-Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.

#262

⇓

-Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.

#263

⇓

-Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room,

#264

⇓

-Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room,

#265

⇓

and I was wondering if... if...

#266

⇓

and I was wondering if... if...

#267

⇓

Whoo! Well!

#268

⇓

-Perry, if you want a favour, don't beat around the bush.

#269

⇓

-Perry, if you want a favour, don't beat around the bush.

#270

⇓

Just curtsey.

#271

⇓

Just curtsey.

#272

⇓

-I beg your pardon, backdraft? -You heard what I said.

#273

⇓

-I beg your pardon, backdraft? -You heard what I said.

#274

⇓

Well?

#275

⇓

Always remember how I made you do that.

#276

⇓

Always remember how I made you do that.

#277

⇓

-Hmmmm!

#278

⇓

-Ha! Ow!

#279

⇓

-Ha! Ow!

#280

⇓

-Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors.

#281

⇓

-Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors.

#282

⇓

So, what's the dealeo?

#283

⇓

So, what's the dealeo?

#284

⇓

-Ted, how bad would it really be if two doctors were hitting golf balls

#285

⇓

-Ted, how bad would it really be if two doctors were hitting golf balls

#286

⇓

off the roof and they caused a car accident

#287

⇓

off the roof and they caused a car accident

#288

⇓

and the driver needed surgery?

#289

⇓

Ted? -Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors!

#290

⇓

Ted? -Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors!

#291

⇓

So, what's the dealeo?

#292

⇓

-No dealeo, Ted. We just stopped by to say hi.

#293

⇓

-No dealeo, Ted. We just stopped by to say hi.

#294

⇓

Hi. -See you later, buddy.

#295

⇓

Hi. -See you later, buddy.

#296

⇓

-Later.

#297

⇓

-Later.

#298

⇓

'We both knew what we had to do.'

#299

⇓

'We both knew what we had to do.'

#300

⇓

Let's come clean. -Let's not tell anyone! Ever. Ever. Ever! Ever!

#301

⇓

Let's come clean. -Let's not tell anyone! Ever. Ever. Ever! Ever!

#302

⇓

-Ever?

#303

⇓

-Ever!

#304

⇓

-Ever!

#305

⇓

'I guess it's hard to predict -how a person will react.'

#306

⇓

'I guess it's hard to predict -how a person will react.'

#307

⇓

-So, do you wanna come in?

#308

⇓

-So, do you wanna come in?

#309

⇓

-No, it's OK. I'll see you tomorrow.

#310

⇓

-No, it's OK. I'll see you tomorrow.

#311

⇓

-Why don't we think of today as a test run?

#312

⇓

-Why don't we think of today as a test run?

#313

⇓

'Other times people react -exactly how you expect.'

#314

⇓

'Other times people react -exactly how you expect.'

#315

⇓

-The only way I could have felt more taken care of, is if I were

#316

⇓

-The only way I could have felt more taken care of, is if I were

#317

⇓

at a four star resort, or a third world country where you have to boil

#318

⇓

at a four star resort, or a third world country where you have to boil

#319

⇓

your own sewage for something to drink. A giant feather in your cap

#320

⇓

your own sewage for something to drink. A giant feather in your cap

#321

⇓

for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years(!)

#322

⇓

for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years(!)

#323

⇓

-I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am.

#324

⇓

-I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am.

#325

⇓

But when you get here tomorrow,

#326

⇓

But when you get here tomorrow,

#327

⇓

Dr Gurrison will be in the de luxe birthing suite, so that you

#328

⇓

can have that story-book drug-addled petocin-induced pregnancy

#329

⇓

you've always dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl.

#330

⇓

you've always dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl.

#331

⇓

But in the meantime, you've got to cut me a little slack.

#332

⇓

But in the meantime, you've got to cut me a little slack.

#333

⇓

It's not like the real father's running round here busting his hump.

#334

⇓

It's not like the real father's running round here busting his hump.

#335

⇓

-Oh, that's nice! I'm going home.

#336

⇓

-Oh, that's nice! I'm going home.

#337

⇓

-No. No, you're not. -Bye-bye.

#338

⇓

-No. No, you're not. -Bye-bye.

#339

⇓

-Jordan, your water just broke.

#340

⇓

-This kid's annoying me already.

#341

⇓

-This kid's annoying me already.

#342

⇓

-Having babies is so much fun! -I will choke her.

#343

⇓

-Having babies is so much fun! -I will choke her.

#344

⇓

-Please, Dr Burlotti, no more talking. -I really prefer Dr Donna!

#345

⇓

-Please, Dr Burlotti, no more talking. -I really prefer Dr Donna!

#346

⇓

-That means no, pep squad. Now, beat it.

#347

⇓

-That means no, pep squad. Now, beat it.

#348

⇓

And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side

#349

⇓

And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side

#350

⇓

until the baby is delivered. -Get the hell out of here.

#351

⇓

until the baby is delivered. -Get the hell out of here.

#352

⇓

-What?! -I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favour and get out?

#353

⇓

-What?! -I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favour and get out?

#354

⇓

-Fine.

#355

⇓

-It's important to stay positive.

#356

⇓

-Get me an epidural before I rip your teeth out! -Okey-dokey!

#357

⇓

-Get me an epidural before I rip your teeth out! -Okey-dokey!

#358

⇓

-Hey, girl's name! -What? -Give me a break!

#359

⇓

I've got a lot on my mind, Ellen. Oh, look at that - I bounced back.

#360

⇓

I've got a lot on my mind, Ellen. Oh, look at that - I bounced back.

#361

⇓

Anyway, the cave bad kicked me out of its lair,

#362

⇓

Anyway, the cave bad kicked me out of its lair,

#363

⇓

and as I no longer have my all-access pass to Crazy Town,

#364

⇓

and as I no longer have my all-access pass to Crazy Town,

#365

⇓

I need you to occasionally go in and poke her with a stick,

#366

⇓

I need you to occasionally go in and poke her with a stick,

#367

⇓

just to see how she's doing. -Dr Cox - -Please?!

#368

⇓

just to see how she's doing. -Dr Cox - -Please?!

#369

⇓

Just check on her, OK?

#370

⇓

-What if she has the baby while I'm in there?

#371

⇓

-What if she has the baby while I'm in there?

#372

⇓

-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

#373

⇓

-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

#374

⇓

-Here he comes! -What the hell is that?

#375

⇓

-Here he comes! -What the hell is that?

#376

⇓

-Goo-goo gaga! Gaga goo-goo!

#377

⇓

Goo-goo! (SQUAWKING)

#378

⇓

Goo-goo! (SQUAWKING)

#379

⇓

-Somebody get it off!

#380

⇓

'I'll check on her later.'

#381

⇓

'I'll check on her later.'

#382

⇓

-Elliot, wait up. Elliot.

#383

⇓

-Elliot, wait up. Elliot.

#384

⇓

-Hey.

#385

⇓

-I wanted to explain about last night.

#386

⇓

-I wanted to explain about last night.

#387

⇓

We had a great time, and I know you wanted me to come in to, you know.

#388

⇓

We had a great time, and I know you wanted me to come in to, you know.

#389

⇓

-Oh, no, no! I invited you in to see my fish tank.

#390

⇓

-Oh, no, no! I invited you in to see my fish tank.

#391

⇓

-Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?

#392

⇓

-Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?

#393

⇓

-Careful, Todd. -Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.

#394

⇓

-Careful, Todd. -Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.

#395

⇓

-Elliot, listen, I think you're an amazing girl.

#396

⇓

-Elliot, listen, I think you're an amazing girl.

#397

⇓

But something just didn't feel right about last night.

#398

⇓

But something just didn't feel right about last night.

#399

⇓

I've rushed things with people before. I don't wanna rush with you.

#400

⇓

I've rushed things with people before. I don't wanna rush with you.

#401

⇓

'Before?! Does he have -an ex-girlfriend. Is it her?!'

#402

⇓

'Before?! Does he have -an ex-girlfriend. Is it her?!'

#403

⇓

'Slut!' -I feel the same way.

#404

⇓

'Slut!' -I feel the same way.

#405

⇓

-Hey. -Oh, I am on to you.

#406

⇓

-Hey. -Oh, I am on to you.

#407

⇓

Going this way.

#408

⇓

So, now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi?

#409

⇓

So, now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi?

#410

⇓

-He's amazing in bed, with an awesome CD collection.

#411

⇓

-He's amazing in bed, with an awesome CD collection.

#412

⇓

-Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared?

#413

⇓

-Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared?

#414

⇓

-I'm still terrified!

#415

⇓

I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?

#416

⇓

I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?

#417

⇓

-Why? -Ate 'em all. -Sounds like good roughage to me.

#418

⇓

-Why? -Ate 'em all. -Sounds like good roughage to me.

#419

⇓

-What do you do when you get scared?

#420

⇓

-What do you do when you get scared?

#421

⇓

What do you do when you get scared? -Run away, get a divorce, drink a loan - you know, the classics.

#422

⇓

What do you do when you get scared? -Run away, get a divorce, drink a loan - you know, the classics.

#423

⇓

The thing is that this time I am killing myself for this woman,

#424

⇓

The thing is that this time I am killing myself for this woman,

#425

⇓

and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.

#426

⇓

and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.

#427

⇓

-There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up.

#428

⇓

-There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up.

#429

⇓

What makes it perfect is if you still wanna stay when things suck.

#430

⇓

What makes it perfect is if you still wanna stay when things suck.

#431

⇓

-Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

#432

⇓

-Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

#433

⇓

-It'll come to you.

#434

⇓

Hi, gentlemen. Either of you in the market for a van? 500 bucks.

#435

⇓

Hi, gentlemen. Either of you in the market for a van? 500 bucks.

#436

⇓

-The windshield cost that much. -Oh. 800. -No, thanks.

#437

⇓

-The windshield cost that much. -Oh. 800. -No, thanks.

#438

⇓

-Come on! There's still half a deer in the back.

#439

⇓

-Come on! There's still half a deer in the back.

#440

⇓

I think that's a deer.

#441

⇓

I think that's a deer.

#442

⇓

'After being blackmailed, -I decided to check in on Jordan.'

#443

⇓

'After being blackmailed, -I decided to check in on Jordan.'

#444

⇓

-You tell me, Donna! Do I look like I need more drugs?! -Ow! My face!

#445

⇓

-You tell me, Donna! Do I look like I need more drugs?! -Ow! My face!

#446

⇓

'I have other problems, because I -know that some windshield hush money

#447

⇓

'I have other problems, because I -know that some windshield hush money

#448

⇓

won't keep the karma gods from coming after Turk and me.'

#449

⇓

-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.

#450

⇓

-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.

#451

⇓

-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.

#452

⇓

Dude! Dr Winn's doing a stomach stapling,

#453

⇓

Dude! Dr Winn's doing a stomach stapling,

#454

⇓

and he wants you to be there to hold back the guy's fat flap.

#455

⇓

and he wants you to be there to hold back the guy's fat flap.

#456

⇓

-Apparently my face is scaring my patients,

#457

⇓

-Apparently my face is scaring my patients,

#458

⇓

so you're going to take them off my hands for about a week.

#459

⇓

so you're going to take them off my hands for about a week.

#460

⇓

-Turk!

#461

⇓

-Turk!

#462

⇓

The Dairy Queen burned down. -No! -Now do you see?

#463

⇓

The Dairy Queen burned down. -No! -Now do you see?

#464

⇓

-Carla, I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer.

#465

⇓

-Carla, I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer.

#466

⇓

Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me,

#467

⇓

Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me,

#468

⇓

and I'm just about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him,

#469

⇓

and I'm just about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him,

#470

⇓

and he's gonna die like this. -Calm down, Elliot.

#471

⇓

and he's gonna die like this. -Calm down, Elliot.

#472

⇓

Do what I used to do - find people who don't know Paul,

#473

⇓

Do what I used to do - find people who don't know Paul,

#474

⇓

and let it out in little bursts. -Good afternoon, ladies.

#475

⇓

and let it out in little bursts. -Good afternoon, ladies.

#476

⇓

-When I was a kid, I got sunburn like that, and I peeled the skin off,

#477

⇓

-When I was a kid, I got sunburn like that, and I peeled the skin off,

#478

⇓

put it in a pile and ate it.

#479

⇓

put it in a pile and ate it.

#480

⇓

-Good Lord!

#481

⇓

'For us, it was time to face -the karmic music.'

#482

⇓

'For us, it was time to face -the karmic music.'

#483

⇓

-We were the ones that hit your car with that golf ball.

#484

⇓

-We were the ones that hit your car with that golf ball.

#485

⇓

-Well, technically it was Dr Turk. -You liar!

#486

⇓

-Well, technically it was Dr Turk. -You liar!

#487

⇓

It was you! -You know what, it really doesn't matter.

#488

⇓

It was you! -You know what, it really doesn't matter.

#489

⇓

-What were you guys doing hitting golf balls way down town? -Down town.

#490

⇓

-What were you guys doing hitting golf balls way down town? -Down town.

#491

⇓

-I told you it wasn't us.

#492

⇓

-I told you it wasn't us.

#493

⇓

-This is almost exactly like the kind of picnics I have with my mother.

#494

⇓

-This is almost exactly like the kind of picnics I have with my mother.

#495

⇓

-You are so cute.

#496

⇓

-You are so cute.

#497

⇓

-And now it's exactly like 'em.

#498

⇓

-And now it's exactly like 'em.

#499

⇓

You got something in your tooth. 'Something on my teeth!'

#500

⇓

You got something in your tooth. 'Something on my teeth!'

#501

⇓

'Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!'

#502

⇓

Did I get it?

#503

⇓

Did I get it?

#504

⇓

-Er, no, but don't worry about it. So anyway, I was thinking... Elliot.

#505

⇓

-Er, no, but don't worry about it. So anyway, I was thinking... Elliot.

#506

⇓

Elliot, is everything alright?

#507

⇓

Elliot, is everything alright?

#508

⇓

Elliot, is everything alright? -Everything's great, yeah!

#509

⇓

Come here.

#510

⇓

Come here.

#511

⇓

What?

#512

⇓

-It's just, well, this is what bothered me the other night.

#513

⇓

-It's just, well, this is what bothered me the other night.

#514

⇓

Cos I know that there's something wrong, but you won't talk about it.

#515

⇓

Cos I know that there's something wrong, but you won't talk about it.

#516

⇓

I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back.

#517

⇓

I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back.

#518

⇓

-Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot!

#519

⇓

-Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot!

#520

⇓

Remember when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every half hour

#521

⇓

Remember when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every half hour

#522

⇓

since you told me, I am wracked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks.

#523

⇓

since you told me, I am wracked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks.

#524

⇓

I'm germaphobic, phobia-phobic.

#525

⇓

I talk to myself, I talk to my cat.

#526

⇓

I talk to myself, I talk to my cat.

#527

⇓

I talk to three shrinks about the fact that often my cats

#528

⇓

I talk to three shrinks about the fact that often my cats

#529

⇓

respond to me in my mother's voice, and yesterday, when that nurse

#530

⇓

respond to me in my mother's voice, and yesterday, when that nurse

#531

⇓

handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed a guy I was stitching

#532

⇓

handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed a guy I was stitching

#533

⇓

because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex

#534

⇓

because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex

#535

⇓

on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair

#536

⇓

on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair

#537

⇓

with a female butcher. I am insane. There. I opened up. Are you happy?

#538

⇓

with a female butcher. I am insane. There. I opened up. Are you happy?

#539

⇓

-No. I'm incredibly turned on.

#540

⇓

-No. I'm incredibly turned on.

#541

⇓

-I gotta get this right out of my teeth. Excuse me.

#542

⇓

-I gotta get this right out of my teeth. Excuse me.

#543

⇓

(CRASH!) Oh! I'm OK!

#544

⇓

(CRASH!) Oh! I'm OK!

#545

⇓

'I still believe in karma. -If I wasn't being punished

#546

⇓

'I still believe in karma. -If I wasn't being punished

#547

⇓

for Mr Golfball, I think I knew where my bad karma was coming from.'

#548

⇓

for Mr Golfball, I think I knew where my bad karma was coming from.'

#549

⇓

-I don't know many straight guys that wear cologne. -Only one spritz.

#550

⇓

-I don't know many straight guys that wear cologne. -Only one spritz.

#551

⇓

-Hmm. -Dr Cox asked me to check in on you.

#552

⇓

-Hmm. -Dr Cox asked me to check in on you.

#553

⇓

I'm sorry I haven't been here until now. -He asked you to check in on me?

#554

⇓

I'm sorry I haven't been here until now. -He asked you to check in on me?

#555

⇓

-Yep. So,...

#556

⇓

-Yep. So,...

#557

⇓

..how are you doin'?

#558

⇓

-Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me

#559

⇓

-Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me

#560

⇓

and show me that he loved me, but I had to drive him away,

#561

⇓

and show me that he loved me, but I had to drive him away,

#562

⇓

cos I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal,

#563

⇓

cos I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal,

#564

⇓

let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display.

#565

⇓

let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display.

#566

⇓

So, now he's gone for good, and I would like this thing out of me

#567

⇓

So, now he's gone for good, and I would like this thing out of me

#568

⇓

so I can go home and kill myself. -Well, you sound good.

#569

⇓

so I can go home and kill myself. -Well, you sound good.

#570

⇓

-I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see

#571

⇓

-I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see

#572

⇓

if he was going to be with me because he wanted to

#573

⇓

if he was going to be with me because he wanted to

#574

⇓

not because he had to. -What are you talking about?

#575

⇓

not because he had to. -What are you talking about?

#576

⇓

-It's his baby. Don't tell anyone.

#577

⇓

-It's his baby. Don't tell anyone.

#578

⇓

-Alright, look, it's time to get this thing under way,

#579

⇓

-Alright, look, it's time to get this thing under way,

#580

⇓

so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.

#581

⇓

so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.

#582

⇓

-Whatever. Alright. -Good.

#583

⇓

What were you two talking about?

#584

⇓

What were you two talking about?

#585

⇓

-Apartheid.

#586

⇓

-It's wrong. -Oh.

#587

⇓

-It's wrong. -Oh.

#588

⇓

'Call me New-Agey, but I think -karma's a powerful force.'

#589

⇓

'Call me New-Agey, but I think -karma's a powerful force.'

#590

⇓

-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.

#591

⇓

-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.

#592

⇓

-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.

#593

⇓

-Dude, it is so nice out here.

#594

⇓

Do you mind if I take a dance in the banana hammock?

#595

⇓

Do you mind if I take a dance in the banana hammock?

#596

⇓

'Because I honestly believe if you've -got bad karma coming your way,...'

#597

⇓

'Because I honestly believe if you've -got bad karma coming your way,...'

#598

⇓

-Hi, Dr Kelso. '..you can't hide from it.'

#599

⇓

-Hi, Dr Kelso. '..you can't hide from it.'

#600

⇓

'Karma's really just about doing the right thing.'

#601

⇓

'Karma's really just about doing the right thing.'

#602

⇓

-So, anyway,..

#603

⇓

..Mr Simms, I wanted to explain to you why your chest was hurting.

#604

⇓

..Mr Simms, I wanted to explain to you why your chest was hurting.

#605

⇓

During surgery, I...

#606

⇓

During surgery, I...

#607

⇓

'Or about being who you really are.'

#608

⇓

'Or about being who you really are.'

#609

⇓

'Either way, it's a lot to think about.'

#610

⇓

'Either way, it's a lot to think about.'

#611

⇓

-Oh, my God, would you look at the mug on Jordan's baby?

#612

⇓

-Oh, my God, would you look at the mug on Jordan's baby?

#613

⇓

Must have one butt-ugly father. -Yeah.

#614

⇓

Must have one butt-ugly father. -Yeah.

#615

⇓

'Damn you, karma!'

#616

⇓

-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#617

⇓

-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#618

⇓

Season 2, Episode 16 — My Karma

Combined Images