Scrubs

-Where's Carla? We're gonna miss the previews.

#1

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-Where's Carla? We're gonna miss the previews.

#2

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-Hey, you're black, right? -Here we go.

#3

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-Hey, you're black, right? -Here we go.

#4

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-I hate that stereotype that all black people yell at movie screens. Like, you go see some horror flick,

#5

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-I hate that stereotype that all black people yell at movie screens. Like, you go see some horror flick,

#6

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and you be yelling, "Don't go in there, girl, he behind the doh'!" It's offensive.

#7

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and you be yelling, "Don't go in there, girl, he behind the doh'!" It's offensive.

#8

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-You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you?

#9

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-You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you?

#10

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-Why does she go in? "He's behind the doh'!"

#11

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'It's weird to run into someone from the hospital in the real world.'

#12

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'It's weird to run into someone from the hospital in the real world.'

#13

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Hey, Dr Kelso. -How are you, sir? -I'm Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax,

#14

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Hey, Dr Kelso. -How are you, sir? -I'm Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax,

#15

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Hey, Dr Kelso. -How are you, sir? -I'm Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax,

#16

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I suggest you get your asses off of Bessy!

#17

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I suggest you get your asses off of Bessy!

#18

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-Oh, sorry! You needed your car, huh?

#19

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'Life is simpler at home. Unless you live with a girl you're crazy about,

#20

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'Life is simpler at home. Unless you live with a girl you're crazy about,

#21

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and she decided she can't sleep with you, and just wants to be friends.'

#22

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and she decided she can't sleep with you, and just wants to be friends.'

#23

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-Oh! Great!

#24

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Morning, buddy.

#25

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Morning, buddy.

#26

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-Morning, pal. -I'll just go get dressed and then...

#27

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-Morning, pal. -I'll just go get dressed and then...

#28

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..we can go to work.

#29

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..we can go to work.

#30

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'Alright, just relax. -You can totally handle this.'

#31

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'Alright, just relax. -You can totally handle this.'

#32

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Chop, chop, chop, buddy!

#33

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Chop, chop, chop, buddy!

#34

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-Told you I could fit in this spot!

#35

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-Told you I could fit in this spot!

#36

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-You were right. I'll just put this guy's side-view mirror on his roof.

#37

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-You were right. I'll just put this guy's side-view mirror on his roof.

#38

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-Hey, JD. (GROANS)

#39

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-Hey, JD. (GROANS)

#40

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Yes. -I wanted to say something, you know, before we go back in there.

#41

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Yes. -I wanted to say something, you know, before we go back in there.

#42

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-Go ahead. -I understand it's gonna be a bit harder for you to transition into being just friends again.

#43

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-Go ahead. -I understand it's gonna be a bit harder for you to transition into being just friends again.

#44

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-Why? -Because... you're a guy.

#45

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-Why? -Because... you're a guy.

#46

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-What does that have to do with anything? -You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own

#47

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-What does that have to do with anything? -You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own

#48

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-What does that have to do with anything? -You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own

#49

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is in this truck, including my bed. We should get in

#50

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is in this truck, including my bed. We should get in

#51

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and have sex one last time - just get it out of our system.

#52

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and have sex one last time - just get it out of our system.

#53

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JD, I was kidding to prove a point.

#54

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JD, I was kidding to prove a point.

#55

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-I know.

#56

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Oh, yeah. This is how you like it!

#57

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Oh, yeah. This is how you like it!

#58

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# I can't do this all on my own

#59

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# I can't do this all on my own

#60

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# No, I know I'm no Superman

#61

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# No, I know I'm no Superman

#62

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# I'm no Superman #

#63

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# I'm no Superman #

#64

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-Hey! -Hey!

#65

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-See? This is good. I don't feel weird. -I don't feel weird.

#66

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-See? This is good. I don't feel weird. -I don't feel weird.

#67

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-I feel weird.

#68

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-I feel weird.

#69

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'Tell her the truth - -you're crazy about her!'

#70

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Look, Elliot - -Ah, damn! I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I?

#71

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Look, Elliot - -Ah, damn! I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I?

#72

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That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet,

#73

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That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet,

#74

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That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet,

#75

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elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!

#76

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elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!

#77

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-Dr Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was needing a place to stay.

#78

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-Dr Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was needing a place to stay.

#79

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-Dr Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was needing a place to stay.

#80

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-So you went to your "friend's" house and cried on his shoulder. Boo-hoo!

#81

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-So you went to your "friend's" house and cried on his shoulder. Boo-hoo!

#82

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And you comforted her cos she was weak and vulnerable and blah,... blah,... blah... Nerdy sex.

#83

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And you comforted her cos she was weak and vulnerable and blah,... blah,... blah... Nerdy sex.

#84

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The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how do you listen to this crap all day long?

#85

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The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how do you listen to this crap all day long?

#86

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-Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories. -You are so right!

#87

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-Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories. -You are so right!

#88

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-Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories. -You are so right!

#89

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-Dude, what are her boobs like? -Todd, I'm standing right here!

#90

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-Dude, what are her boobs like? -Todd, I'm standing right here!

#91

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-I'm sorry, what are your boobs like?

#92

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-I'm sorry, what are your boobs like?

#93

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-Oh, joy of joys, Mr Corman, you've joined us yet again.

#94

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-Oh, joy of joys, Mr Corman, you've joined us yet again.

#95

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What imaginary disease is ailing you this time?

#96

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What imaginary disease is ailing you this time?

#97

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-He thinks he has the Yaba virus. -Your hair got longer, and I don't appreciate your tone.

#98

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-He thinks he has the Yaba virus. -Your hair got longer, and I don't appreciate your tone.

#99

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-He thinks he has the Yaba virus. -Your hair got longer, and I don't appreciate your tone.

#100

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-Last month, you had familial Mediterranean fever.

#101

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-Last month, you had familial Mediterranean fever.

#102

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-I was at Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding. I share a glass of ouzo with this guy. 20 minutes later,

#103

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-I was at Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding. I share a glass of ouzo with this guy. 20 minutes later,

#104

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I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode

#105

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I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode

#106

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in some rose garden! Now, what would you think!?

#107

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in some rose garden! Now, what would you think!?

#108

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-You got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.

#109

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-You got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.

#110

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-Yeah, well, I read the symptoms on the internet, OK? I have Yaba!

#111

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-Yeah, well, I read the symptoms on the internet, OK? I have Yaba!

#112

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-Would you say you've been in contact with many primates this year?

#113

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-Would you say you've been in contact with many primates this year?

#114

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-I have been to the zoo. -And while you were there,

#115

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-I have been to the zoo. -And while you were there,

#116

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did you jump into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because if you did,

#117

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did you jump into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because if you did,

#118

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did you jump into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because if you did,

#119

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you just might have Yaba, but if that's the case, it would be way down on the list of your problems.

#120

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you just might have Yaba, but if that's the case, it would be way down on the list of your problems.

#121

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Give him a full work-up. -OK, you know the drill.

#122

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Give him a full work-up. -OK, you know the drill.

#123

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Here are my vitals. Here is the mountain dew. I'm just kidding,

#124

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Here are my vitals. Here is the mountain dew. I'm just kidding,

#125

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that's my urine sample. And you can start timing.

#126

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that's my urine sample. And you can start timing.

#127

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Now... So, how you been doing? Still seeing that surgeon?

#128

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Now... So, how you been doing? Still seeing that surgeon?

#129

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-No talking.

#130

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-No talking.

#131

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OK! Vision perfect. -Are you trying to make time with my best girl?!

#132

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OK! Vision perfect. -Are you trying to make time with my best girl?!

#133

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OK! Vision perfect. -Are you trying to make time with my best girl?!

#134

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Now,... how do you feel after surgery on your...

#135

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Now,... how do you feel after surgery on your...

#136

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-Brain. -..Brain? -Mrs Kay is doing great, but after this procedure,

#137

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-Brain. -..Brain? -Mrs Kay is doing great, but after this procedure,

#138

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people suffer diminished reaction time. -Christopher, come here.

#139

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people suffer diminished reaction time. -Christopher, come here.

#140

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-Hmm? -Maybe you should worry about your own reaction time!

#141

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-Hmm? -Maybe you should worry about your own reaction time!

#142

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-Hmm? -Maybe you should worry about your own reaction time!

#143

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-Now, do you have a ride home today, dear?

#144

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-Now, do you have a ride home today, dear?

#145

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-I drove myself. -Well, it always warms my heart to see your face!

#146

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-I drove myself. -Well, it always warms my heart to see your face!

#147

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I don't care what the old bat says - I doubt she can back out of her own driveway.

#148

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I don't care what the old bat says - I doubt she can back out of her own driveway.

#149

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Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked. -Why don't you tell her, sir?

#150

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Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked. -Why don't you tell her, sir?

#151

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Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked. -Why don't you tell her, sir?

#152

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-Cos she's my friend! Don't be insensitive, son. It's ugly on you.

#153

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-Cos she's my friend! Don't be insensitive, son. It's ugly on you.

#154

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-I can't take this old lady's driver's licence from her. She reminds me of my Gram-Gram.

#155

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-I can't take this old lady's driver's licence from her. She reminds me of my Gram-Gram.

#156

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-I can't take this old lady's driver's licence from her. She reminds me of my Gram-Gram.

#157

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-Get someone else from surgery to. -Like who?

#158

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# "Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor

#159

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# "Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor

#160

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-You want this? Want this? Psych!

#161

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-Never mind. -Hi, JD. -Oh, hey, Lisa.

#162

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-Never mind. -Hi, JD. -Oh, hey, Lisa.

#163

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-Dude, the gift-shop chick... Did you ever (SQUEAKS)?

#164

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-Dude, the gift-shop chick... Did you ever (SQUEAKS)?

#165

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-Turk! Elliot's right here!

#166

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-Why would I care? -I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by JD's room

#167

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-Why would I care? -I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by JD's room

#168

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-Why would I care? -I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by JD's room

#169

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the other night, he was telling a different Dr Reid not to stop!

#170

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the other night, he was telling a different Dr Reid not to stop!

#171

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-"Oh, Dr Reid!" Sweet! -You guys, this conversation

#172

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-"Oh, Dr Reid!" Sweet! -You guys, this conversation

#173

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is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable, OK?

#174

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is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable, OK?

#175

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And I'm sure "Dr Reid" feels the same way.

#176

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-No, I don't. You can (SQUEAKS) with anyone that you want.

#177

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-No, I don't. You can (SQUEAKS) with anyone that you want.

#178

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-No, I don't. You can (SQUEAKS) with anyone that you want.

#179

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'She wants to play chicken, huh? -Buckle-up, missy!'

#180

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'She wants to play chicken, huh? -Buckle-up, missy!'

#181

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Maybe I'll ask Lisa out again. -You should. -Maybe I will.

#182

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-Cool. -Good.

#183

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-Cool. -Good.

#184

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-Take it home. -That's what I'll do. -Let me know how it goes.

#185

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-Take it home. -That's what I'll do. -Let me know how it goes.

#186

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-Fine, but I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again. -It's a date!

#187

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-Fine, but I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again. -It's a date!

#188

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-Fine, but I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again. -It's a date!

#189

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-The guy's here 1,000 times a year, and every second I'm with him,

#190

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-The guy's here 1,000 times a year, and every second I'm with him,

#191

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it's time away from somebody I could help.

#192

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it's time away from somebody I could help.

#193

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-What do you want me to do? -Follow my lead.

#194

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Alas, Mr Corman, shockingly, all your labs have come back and they're negative for... everything.

#195

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Alas, Mr Corman, shockingly, all your labs have come back and they're negative for... everything.

#196

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-Oh, c'mon! -OK, I'll tell you what... You have suggested

#197

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-Oh, c'mon! -OK, I'll tell you what... You have suggested

#198

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that you're feeling rather tired lately, haven't you?

#199

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that you're feeling rather tired lately, haven't you?

#200

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-I'm listening. -And that you bruise easily.

#201

⇓

-I'm listening. -And that you bruise easily.

#202

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-Like an old banana. -For the record, I think you're fine,

#203

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-Like an old banana. -For the record, I think you're fine,

#204

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but if you'd like, we can go ahead and check your bone marrow.

#205

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but if you'd like, we can go ahead and check your bone marrow.

#206

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That would mean sticking an enormous needle all the way through your hip

#207

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That would mean sticking an enormous needle all the way through your hip

#208

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and it's very, very excruciatingly painful. Right, Carla? -Yes.

#209

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and it's very, very excruciatingly painful. Right, Carla? -Yes.

#210

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-Thank you. What's it gonna be, champ? Head home and get some rest,

#211

⇓

-Thank you. What's it gonna be, champ? Head home and get some rest,

#212

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or an afternoon of senseless,...

#213

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or an afternoon of senseless,...

#214

⇓

..mind-numbing agony?!

#215

⇓

..mind-numbing agony?!

#216

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-Oh, what the hell!

#217

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I'll take the giant hip needle!

#218

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I'll take the giant hip needle!

#219

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'Alright, there's no-one around. Time -to tell her how you really feel.'

#220

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'Alright, there's no-one around. Time -to tell her how you really feel.'

#221

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You know, Elliot - -What's up medical dogs?

#222

⇓

You know, Elliot - -What's up medical dogs?

#223

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'OK, you're smarter than him. Think -of something to get him outta here.'

#224

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'OK, you're smarter than him. Think -of something to get him outta here.'

#225

⇓

Hey, Todd.

#226

⇓

Hey, Todd.

#227

⇓

-What the hell? Did you just throw something out into the hall?

#228

⇓

-What the hell? Did you just throw something out into the hall?

#229

⇓

-So anyway, Elliot - -Hey, I found an apartment!

#230

⇓

-So anyway, Elliot - -Hey, I found an apartment!

#231

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-Great! You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.

#232

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-Great! You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.

#233

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-What are we gonna do, just live with each other forever and any time

#234

⇓

-What are we gonna do, just live with each other forever and any time

#235

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we feel lonely, hop into bed and have hot sex? -That'd be stupid(!)

#236

⇓

we feel lonely, hop into bed and have hot sex? -That'd be stupid(!)

#237

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-We're human. Staying in that situation would be a big mistake. -I know.

#238

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-We're human. Staying in that situation would be a big mistake. -I know.

#239

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'Sometimes when you're down, you take it out on the wrong person.'

#240

⇓

'Sometimes when you're down, you take it out on the wrong person.'

#241

⇓

Going on vacation? -I get it! I'm a janitor,

#242

⇓

Going on vacation? -I get it! I'm a janitor,

#243

⇓

so when I pack for vacation, I just pack cleaning supplies. That's funny(!) -I thought so.

#244

⇓

so when I pack for vacation, I just pack cleaning supplies. That's funny(!) -I thought so.

#245

⇓

-Actually, I'm going to speak at my son's career day.

#246

⇓

-Actually, I'm going to speak at my son's career day.

#247

⇓

-About... being a janitor? -You think there aren't kids that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?

#248

⇓

-About... being a janitor? -You think there aren't kids that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?

#249

⇓

-About... being a janitor? -You think there aren't kids that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?

#250

⇓

-I-I didn't mean it that way. I... -How did you mean it?

#251

⇓

-I-I didn't mean it that way. I... -How did you mean it?

#252

⇓

-Look!

#253

⇓

-Look!

#254

⇓

-What the hell are you doing?

#255

⇓

-Dr Kelso, all I'm saying is that Mrs Kay looks like she's in great shape!

#256

⇓

-Dr Kelso, all I'm saying is that Mrs Kay looks like she's in great shape!

#257

⇓

-My God, son, the woman is recovering from major surgery on her...

#258

⇓

-My God, son, the woman is recovering from major surgery on her...

#259

⇓

-Brain. -Why do I keep blanking on that?

#260

⇓

-Brain. -Why do I keep blanking on that?

#261

⇓

Now, son, give me the real skinny - did you pull her licence or not?

#262

⇓

Now, son, give me the real skinny - did you pull her licence or not?

#263

⇓

-Yes, sir, I did.

#264

⇓

-Yes, sir, I did.

#265

⇓

(SCREAMS)

#266

⇓

OK, I didn't tell her yet, sir, but I swear I was gonna!

#267

⇓

OK, I didn't tell her yet, sir, but I swear I was gonna!

#268

⇓

-So, Mr Corman, how'd that go for you? -Horrible pain.

#269

⇓

-So, Mr Corman, how'd that go for you? -Horrible pain.

#270

⇓

I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth. -Dr Cox, I think you should look at Mr Corman's chart.

#271

⇓

I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth. -Dr Cox, I think you should look at Mr Corman's chart.

#272

⇓

I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth. -Dr Cox, I think you should look at Mr Corman's chart.

#273

⇓

-What's he got, scurvy? There's no chance

#274

⇓

-What's he got, scurvy? There's no chance

#275

⇓

you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?! -Just look at the chart!

#276

⇓

you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?! -Just look at the chart!

#277

⇓

-What is it?

#278

⇓

-You're sick.

#279

⇓

-Really?

#280

⇓

-Really?

#281

⇓

-Really.

#282

⇓

-Oh.

#283

⇓

-Oh.

#284

⇓

'I feel like if I could -get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while,

#285

⇓

'I feel like if I could -get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while,

#286

⇓

'I feel like if I could -get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while,

#287

⇓

I could regroup. But sometimes that's not easy.'

#288

⇓

I could regroup. But sometimes that's not easy.'

#289

⇓

-My truck was right there. -Where is it now?

#290

⇓

-My truck was right there. -Where is it now?

#291

⇓

-You'd have to ask the guys who stole it.

#292

⇓

-You'd have to ask the guys who stole it.

#293

⇓

Everything I own was in that truck!

#294

⇓

Everything I own was in that truck!

#295

⇓

JD, I don't know what I'm gonna do!

#296

⇓

JD, I don't know what I'm gonna do!

#297

⇓

-Wow! (HORN BLARES)

#298

⇓

Gotta go. Good luck.

#299

⇓

Tally ho!

#300

⇓

Tally ho!

#301

⇓

-She was going, like, 35mph. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun.

#302

⇓

-She was going, like, 35mph. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun.

#303

⇓

Poor Bessy, man! -What kind of grown man still names his car?

#304

⇓

Poor Bessy, man! -What kind of grown man still names his car?

#305

⇓

-You do. -Yeah, I've had Malik since I was 17. That's totally different.

#306

⇓

-You do. -Yeah, I've had Malik since I was 17. That's totally different.

#307

⇓

Don't worry about Kelso. His wife can drive him.

#308

⇓

Don't worry about Kelso. His wife can drive him.

#309

⇓

-His wife hates him.

#310

⇓

-Aarrgh!

#311

⇓

-Aarrgh!

#312

⇓

-Morning, skipper.

#313

⇓

I'm so dead!

#314

⇓

-Mr Corman,...

#315

⇓

-Mr Corman,...

#316

⇓

..I'm afraid you have Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia.

#317

⇓

..I'm afraid you have Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia.

#318

⇓

It is a very rare form of... of cancer.

#319

⇓

It is a very rare form of... of cancer.

#320

⇓

-Yeah,...

#321

⇓

..I think I had that in college once.

#322

⇓

..I think I had that in college once.

#323

⇓

-This is Dr Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.

#324

⇓

-This is Dr Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.

#325

⇓

-Really? You think so?

#326

⇓

-Really? You think so?

#327

⇓

-Yeah, I do. -Thank you!

#328

⇓

-Yeah, I do. -Thank you!

#329

⇓

-So where do we start? -Well, er,... first off, we need to... Better than Leventhal?

#330

⇓

-So where do we start? -Well, er,... first off, we need to... Better than Leventhal?

#331

⇓

-Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy.

#332

⇓

-Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy.

#333

⇓

You're the man. You can do it! -Bless you.

#334

⇓

You're the man. You can do it! -Bless you.

#335

⇓

That was some catch! The patient shows no symptoms -

#336

⇓

That was some catch! The patient shows no symptoms -

#337

⇓

you call for a bone-marrow biopsy? What made you think to do that?

#338

⇓

you call for a bone-marrow biopsy? What made you think to do that?

#339

⇓

-He was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital.

#340

⇓

-He was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital.

#341

⇓

-Oh, don't worry, Dr Zeltzer! He's only kidding!

#342

⇓

-Oh, don't worry, Dr Zeltzer! He's only kidding!

#343

⇓

-Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he would've got that.

#344

⇓

-Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he would've got that.

#345

⇓

-Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he would've got that.

#346

⇓

The man is hilarious. Of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard

#347

⇓

The man is hilarious. Of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard

#348

⇓

if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.

#349

⇓

if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.

#350

⇓

(WHISTLES)

#351

⇓

-I don't know. I didn't know it was just your thing.

#352

⇓

-I don't know. I didn't know it was just your thing.

#353

⇓

-What? -Nothing!

#354

⇓

-What? -Nothing!

#355

⇓

-Then what's with the look? -I have a crick in my neck. Since I no longer

#356

⇓

-Then what's with the look? -I have a crick in my neck. Since I no longer

#357

⇓

have any furniture, I had to sleep in my tub. Oh, how was your date?

#358

⇓

have any furniture, I had to sleep in my tub. Oh, how was your date?

#359

⇓

-Italian people are really good at making sauce. -Hmmm.

#360

⇓

-Italian people are really good at making sauce. -Hmmm.

#361

⇓

-Fantastic! -You're such an ass!

#362

⇓

-Fantastic! -You're such an ass!

#363

⇓

-Could you speak up? Mr Roberts doesn't hear well. -If you're looking for beeswax, it's not here, OK?

#364

⇓

-Could you speak up? Mr Roberts doesn't hear well. -If you're looking for beeswax, it's not here, OK?

#365

⇓

-Now she all mad. -I needed your help last night and you bailed on me.

#366

⇓

-Now she all mad. -I needed your help last night and you bailed on me.

#367

⇓

-Now she all mad. -I needed your help last night and you bailed on me.

#368

⇓

-You drew all these lines up - said that we're not in a relationship now.

#369

⇓

-You drew all these lines up - said that we're not in a relationship now.

#370

⇓

-JD, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night.

#371

⇓

-JD, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night.

#372

⇓

I was looking for a friend.

#373

⇓

-Guess she told him.

#374

⇓

-Guess she told him.

#375

⇓

Gotta go.

#376

⇓

Gotta go.

#377

⇓

-Ow! -I was thinking about what you said,

#378

⇓

-Ow! -I was thinking about what you said,

#379

⇓

and you're right - kids don't want to hear about being a janitor.

#380

⇓

and you're right - kids don't want to hear about being a janitor.

#381

⇓

-I never said that. -It's OK, cos instead, I'm gonna be a doctor.

#382

⇓

-I never said that. -It's OK, cos instead, I'm gonna be a doctor.

#383

⇓

I borrowed some stuff from your locker - our locker - and, erm,...

#384

⇓

I borrowed some stuff from your locker - our locker - and, erm,...

#385

⇓

..if I don't get it back to you in, like, two days, consider it gone.

#386

⇓

..if I don't get it back to you in, like, two days, consider it gone.

#387

⇓

-Dr Kelso, I am so sorry. Mrs Kay said she was feeling fine,

#388

⇓

and I believed her. -Follow me.

#389

⇓

and I believed her. -Follow me.

#390

⇓

Son, have you used drugs in the last 48 hours?

#391

⇓

Son, have you used drugs in the last 48 hours?

#392

⇓

-No, sir, I never use drugs.

#393

⇓

-No, sir, I never use drugs.

#394

⇓

-This shot you're about to get could kill you if mixed with narcotics. -Oh, drugs! Yes, sir, all the time.

#395

⇓

-This shot you're about to get could kill you if mixed with narcotics. -Oh, drugs! Yes, sir, all the time.

#396

⇓

-See? Waiting for the tox-screen - six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of local riff-raff - 10 seconds.

#397

⇓

-See? Waiting for the tox-screen - six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of local riff-raff - 10 seconds.

#398

⇓

-See? Waiting for the tox-screen - six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of local riff-raff - 10 seconds.

#399

⇓

Everybody lies, whether it's that doobie brother in there,

#400

⇓

Everybody lies, whether it's that doobie brother in there,

#401

⇓

or, say, me when I tell my son he can still live at the house after he graduates from art school.

#402

⇓

or, say, me when I tell my son he can still live at the house after he graduates from art school.

#403

⇓

And by the way, sport, Mrs Kay doesn't have any grandchildren.

#404

⇓

And by the way, sport, Mrs Kay doesn't have any grandchildren.

#405

⇓

-I'm still a virgin. -You're pregnant!

#406

⇓

-I'm still a virgin. -You're pregnant!

#407

⇓

-Again?!

#408

⇓

-Again?!

#409

⇓

-Since the by-pass, Doc, nothing but salads!

#410

⇓

-Since the by-pass, Doc, nothing but salads!

#411

⇓

-Look, it was an accident. My flashlight didn't have any batteries.

#412

⇓

-Look, it was an accident. My flashlight didn't have any batteries.

#413

⇓

-So you decided to put your penis in there?

#414

⇓

-So you decided to put your penis in there?

#415

⇓

-Mr Corman, great news! Dr Zeltzer and I have gone over your results and the prognosis is excellent.

#416

⇓

-Mr Corman, great news! Dr Zeltzer and I have gone over your results and the prognosis is excellent.

#417

⇓

-Mr Corman, great news! Dr Zeltzer and I have gone over your results and the prognosis is excellent.

#418

⇓

-That's great. -Yeah, it is. -But you know what?

#419

⇓

-That's great. -Yeah, it is. -But you know what?

#420

⇓

You can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot.

#421

⇓

You can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot.

#422

⇓

I know that you were screwing with me - that I come in here sometimes,

#423

⇓

I know that you were screwing with me - that I come in here sometimes,

#424

⇓

thinking I'm sick when I'm not. Remember - if I didn't have cancer,

#425

⇓

thinking I'm sick when I'm not. Remember - if I didn't have cancer,

#426

⇓

I could've been some guy looking for help that you treated like crap.

#427

⇓

I could've been some guy looking for help that you treated like crap.

#428

⇓

-Yeah.

#429

⇓

-Yeah.

#430

⇓

-This whole thing has given mean ulcer! -You wanna be tested for that, don't you?

#431

⇓

-This whole thing has given mean ulcer! -You wanna be tested for that, don't you?

#432

⇓

-This whole thing has given mean ulcer! -You wanna be tested for that, don't you?

#433

⇓

-Do you mind?

#434

⇓

-Hey, er,... Elliot...

#435

⇓

Look, you were right, I-I should have been there for you last night.

#436

⇓

Look, you were right, I-I should have been there for you last night.

#437

⇓

-Thanks.

#438

⇓

-Thanks.

#439

⇓

-And sorry you lost all your things. That sucks. How you holding up?

#440

⇓

-And sorry you lost all your things. That sucks. How you holding up?

#441

⇓

-You know, it was just stuff - I'm fine!

#442

⇓

-You know, it was just stuff - I'm fine!

#443

⇓

This is good. It feels like we've turned a corner, you know?

#444

⇓

This is good. It feels like we've turned a corner, you know?

#445

⇓

'Throw her down on that gurney -and mount her like a lion!' I know!

#446

⇓

'Throw her down on that gurney -and mount her like a lion!' I know!

#447

⇓

-Why didn't you stop me?

#448

⇓

-Why didn't you stop me?

#449

⇓

-What? -Why did you let me harass that guy?

#450

⇓

-What? -Why did you let me harass that guy?

#451

⇓

-You think the fact that you got annoyed and became insensitive with another human is my fault?

#452

⇓

-You think the fact that you got annoyed and became insensitive with another human is my fault?

#453

⇓

-You think the fact that you got annoyed and became insensitive with another human is my fault?

#454

⇓

-Yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-assed stuff,

#455

⇓

-Yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-assed stuff,

#456

⇓

you're the one who calls me on it, and you're the one who makes me stop. That's the way it works.

#457

⇓

you're the one who calls me on it, and you're the one who makes me stop. That's the way it works.

#458

⇓

That's the way it's worked for years... Just what happened to that?

#459

⇓

That's the way it's worked for years... Just what happened to that?

#460

⇓

-I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy has changed you.

#461

⇓

-I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy has changed you.

#462

⇓

-I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy has changed you.

#463

⇓

-Oh, please! I'm crazier than ever! Lookit, during this entire conversation,

#464

⇓

-Oh, please! I'm crazier than ever! Lookit, during this entire conversation,

#465

⇓

I've been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

#466

⇓

I've been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

#467

⇓

I've been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

#468

⇓

-Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.

#469

⇓

-Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.

#470

⇓

So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?

#471

⇓

So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?

#472

⇓

-Er,... other side.

#473

⇓

Mmm.

#474

⇓

I'm invisible to the naked eye.

#475

⇓

I'm invisible to the naked eye.

#476

⇓

-Of course!

#477

⇓

-Of course!

#478

⇓

-Why so sad, chocolate bear?

#479

⇓

-I just don't feel like going back to that hospital, you know?

#480

⇓

-I just don't feel like going back to that hospital, you know?

#481

⇓

-Yeah... Is my breath OK? I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.

#482

⇓

-Yeah... Is my breath OK? I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.

#483

⇓

-Yeah... Is my breath OK? I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.

#484

⇓

-Dude, that whole damned building is packed with liars! -It is not.

#485

⇓

-Dude, that whole damned building is packed with liars! -It is not.

#486

⇓

-Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just, er,... pull your arm off.

#487

⇓

-Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just, er,... pull your arm off.

#488

⇓

Once again, Doctor...

#489

⇓

Once again, Doctor...

#490

⇓

..Jan Itor...

#491

⇓

..Jan Itor...

#492

⇓

Dr Jan Itor.

#493

⇓

-Yeah, maybe. But, we're doctors. I mean, that comes with the territory.

#494

⇓

-Yeah, maybe. But, we're doctors. I mean, that comes with the territory.

#495

⇓

Some patients just don't tell the truth.

#496

⇓

-Well, I don't get why people have to do that. -I don't know...

#497

⇓

-Well, I don't get why people have to do that. -I don't know...

#498

⇓

Maybe it's cos they're proud. Maybe it's cos they're scared...

#499

⇓

Maybe it's cos they're proud. Maybe it's cos they're scared...

#500

⇓

-You know what? It was just stuff - I'm fine!

#501

⇓

-You know what? It was just stuff - I'm fine!

#502

⇓

-Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable.

#503

⇓

-Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable.

#504

⇓

-I guess. Dude, you're gonna be late for gift-shop girl.

#505

⇓

-I guess. Dude, you're gonna be late for gift-shop girl.

#506

⇓

-Oh, my God!

#507

⇓

-Oh, my God!

#508

⇓

'There are a few things I've always believed in.'

#509

⇓

'There are a few things I've always believed in.'

#510

⇓

'Flowers are good for any occasion.'

#511

⇓

'And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend.'

#512

⇓

'And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend.'

#513

⇓

'Especially if the old girl's seen better days.'

#514

⇓

'Especially if the old girl's seen better days.'

#515

⇓

(SOBS)

#516

⇓

(SOBS)

#517

⇓

'Cos even if it breaks your heart -to be "just friends",

#518

⇓

'Cos even if it breaks your heart -to be "just friends",

#519

⇓

if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.'

#520

⇓

if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.'

#521

⇓

-It wasn't just stuff!

#522

⇓

It was all of my yearbooks and this little pink blanket

#523

⇓

It was all of my yearbooks and this little pink blanket

#524

⇓

that my grandmother had crocheted for me,...

#525

⇓

that my grandmother had crocheted for me,...

#526

⇓

..and... all of my first love letters!

#527

⇓

..and... all of my first love letters!

#528

⇓

(SOBS)

#529

⇓

And my shoes!

#530

⇓

-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#531

⇓

Season 2, Episode 12 — My New Old Friend

Combined Images