Scrubs

'As a doctor you spend a third of your nights sleeping at the hospital,

#1

⇓

'As a doctor you spend a third of your nights sleeping at the hospital,

#2

⇓

but, truth be told, not a lot of sleeping actually takes place.'

#3

⇓

but, truth be told, not a lot of sleeping actually takes place.'

#4

⇓

-Doctor Reid. -I'm not sucking my thumb!

#5

⇓

-Mr Rodriguez is coding. (SIGHS)

#6

⇓

-Mr Rodriguez is coding. (SIGHS)

#7

⇓

-You look pretty.

#8

⇓

-You look pretty.

#9

⇓

-Oh, thank you!

#10

⇓

'You appreciate the little things, -like waking up in your own bed.'

#11

⇓

'You appreciate the little things, -like waking up in your own bed.'

#12

⇓

'Of course, if there's someone there with you... -Sorry I woke you.

#13

⇓

'Of course, if there's someone there with you... -Sorry I woke you.

#14

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-I'll live. (BOTH GROAN) -..that's just gravy.'

#15

⇓

-I'll live. (BOTH GROAN) -..that's just gravy.'

#16

⇓

'Yep, there's nothin' like mornings at home.' -Hey, there, sunshine.

#17

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'Yep, there's nothin' like mornings at home.' -Hey, there, sunshine.

#18

⇓

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Morning. 'I forgot, Carla is staying with us

#19

⇓

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Morning. 'I forgot, Carla is staying with us

#20

⇓

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Morning. 'I forgot, Carla is staying with us

#21

⇓

while her building is being fumigated.'

#22

⇓

-Hey, don't use Rowdy to cover up your giblets! Apologise!

#23

⇓

-Can you tell me why we have no milk or orange juice but 40 fruit cups in here?

#24

⇓

-Can you tell me why we have no milk or orange juice but 40 fruit cups in here?

#25

⇓

-Can you tell me why we have no milk or orange juice but 40 fruit cups in here?

#26

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'The average resident owes -over $100,000 in med-school loans and makes as much as a waiter,

#27

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'The average resident owes -over $100,000 in med-school loans and makes as much as a waiter,

#28

⇓

so you have to do things to make ends meet, like cover someone's shift.'

#29

⇓

so you have to do things to make ends meet, like cover someone's shift.'

#30

⇓

so you have to do things to make ends meet, like cover someone's shift.'

#31

⇓

'Or you can steal stuff from the hospital.'

#32

⇓

'Or you can steal stuff from the hospital.'

#33

⇓

'Or you can moonlight at an urgent-care centre.'

#34

⇓

'Or you can moonlight at an urgent-care centre.'

#35

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'Or you can steal stuff.'

#36

⇓

'Or you can steal stuff.'

#37

⇓

'Or your dad can pay for everything.'

#38

⇓

'Or your dad can pay for everything.'

#39

⇓

'Or... Well,... you know.'

#40

⇓

(Is it clear?!) (Come on!) -Go! Go! Run!

#41

⇓

(Is it clear?!) (Come on!) -Go! Go! Run!

#42

⇓

(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!

#43

⇓

(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!

#44

⇓

-Hold up. -Why? -There's been several thefts.

#45

⇓

-Hold up. -Why? -There's been several thefts.

#46

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We're doin' bag checks. -Well, what about the guy taking scrubs?

#47

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We're doin' bag checks. -Well, what about the guy taking scrubs?

#48

⇓

-Hey, Jim. -H-Hey! -He doesn't have a bag.

#49

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-Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean. -Yeah? Ah-hah!

#50

⇓

-Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean. -Yeah? Ah-hah!

#51

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-Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean. -Yeah? Ah-hah!

#52

⇓

'Of course,... -if he was checking my trunk...'

#53

⇓

'Of course,... -if he was checking my trunk...'

#54

⇓

Puddings! Score! -Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

#55

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Puddings! Score! -Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

#56

⇓

Get me a butterscotch, buddy!

#57

⇓

Get me a butterscotch, buddy!

#58

⇓

Come on!

#59

⇓

Come on!

#60

⇓

Wah-haaaaah! (TYRES SCREECH)

#61

⇓

Wah-haaaaah! (TYRES SCREECH)

#62

⇓

# I can't do this all on my own

#63

⇓

# I can't do this all on my own

#64

⇓

# No, I know

#65

⇓

# I'm no superman

#66

⇓

# I'm no superman #

#67

⇓

# I'm no superman #

#68

⇓

So, I did that cardioversion, I extubated Mrs Bays

#69

⇓

So, I did that cardioversion, I extubated Mrs Bays

#70

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and I finished all the transfer summaries.

#71

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and I finished all the transfer summaries.

#72

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-Well, what can I say? You did exceptional work today and I'm proud of you.

#73

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-Well, what can I say? You did exceptional work today and I'm proud of you.

#74

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'Did he just wink at me?' Is there a problem?

#75

⇓

'Did he just wink at me?' Is there a problem?

#76

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-I'm just so happy!

#77

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-I'm just so happy!

#78

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No. No, problem, sir. -Attaboy. And, Laverne,... (SNIFFS)

#79

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No. No, problem, sir. -Attaboy. And, Laverne,... (SNIFFS)

#80

⇓

..what is that delightful, naught-aye scent you are wearing?

#81

⇓

..what is that delightful, naught-aye scent you are wearing?

#82

⇓

..what is that delightful, naught-aye scent you are wearing?

#83

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-It's called 12-Hour Shift(!)

#84

⇓

-It's called 12-Hour Shift(!)

#85

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(BANGS) (Ouch!) Yeah, it is.

#86

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-Why the hell is he so cheery? -Because I did exceptional work.

#87

⇓

-Why the hell is he so cheery? -Because I did exceptional work.

#88

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-Hey, babe. -Hey. I ordered the fight on Pay-Per-View,

#89

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-Hey, babe. -Hey. I ordered the fight on Pay-Per-View,

#90

⇓

got your favourite beer and we are leaving this second.

#91

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got your favourite beer and we are leaving this second.

#92

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-Hop on, blondie. Come here!

#93

⇓

-Hop on, blondie. Come here!

#94

⇓

# Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin', Perry gonna get some lovin'

#95

⇓

# Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin', Perry gonna get some lovin'

#96

⇓

# Oh, Perry gonna get some... #

#97

⇓

-Ah-hm.

#98

⇓

-Ah-hm.

#99

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-Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toilet paper,

#100

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-Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toilet paper,

#101

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or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!

#102

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or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!

#103

⇓

(WHISTLES)

#104

⇓

(WHISTLES)

#105

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-This is the reason why your headache didn't go away.

#106

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-This is the reason why your headache didn't go away.

#107

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That's actually pronounced "anelgesic", not "analgesic". Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

#108

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That's actually pronounced "anelgesic", not "analgesic". Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

#109

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-We're gonna be short another doctor tomorrow night,

#110

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so if you've got a friend that wants to pick up an extra 300 bucks...

#111

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so if you've got a friend that wants to pick up an extra 300 bucks...

#112

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-And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks cash money!

#113

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-And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks cash money!

#114

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-And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks cash money!

#115

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-Sweet! Dude, you are, like, the best friend ever! -Hell, yeah!

#116

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-Sweet! Dude, you are, like, the best friend ever! -Hell, yeah!

#117

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(SIGHS) -My mother lives with me all year.

#118

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(SIGHS) -My mother lives with me all year.

#119

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My Aunt Marie has to take care of her for one week and she won't stop bitching!

#120

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My Aunt Marie has to take care of her for one week and she won't stop bitching!

#121

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-So? My dad's coming into town tomorrow.

#122

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-So? My dad's coming into town tomorrow.

#123

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-You don't seem that stressed out. -I haven't pooed in six days.

#124

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-You don't seem that stressed out. -I haven't pooed in six days.

#125

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-Twice this morning and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

#126

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-Twice this morning and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

#127

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-You really pick odd things to brag about.

#128

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-You really pick odd things to brag about.

#129

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-If I had to get three by lunch, I probably could. -Hey, guys,

#130

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-If I had to get three by lunch, I probably could. -Hey, guys,

#131

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gyno girls 12 o'clock.

#132

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'Obstetrics and gynaecology -is a specialty that's usually dominated by women.'

#133

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'Obstetrics and gynaecology -is a specialty that's usually dominated by women.'

#134

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-Doctor Reid, I'm Doctor Gerson.

#135

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-Doctor Reid, I'm Doctor Gerson.

#136

⇓

Have you had any thoughts about your specialty,

#137

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Have you had any thoughts about your specialty,

#138

⇓

because we really think you're OBGYN material?

#139

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'Being a gyno girl is a lot like -being in a sorority.' (ALL GIGGLE)

#140

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'Being a gyno girl is a lot like -being in a sorority.' (ALL GIGGLE)

#141

⇓

(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC)

#142

⇓

(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC)

#143

⇓

-JD, I can't go with Doctor Gerson because I have to help you, right?

#144

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-JD, I can't go with Doctor Gerson because I have to help you, right?

#145

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-Er, just gimme a second, I'm figuring something out for a patient.

#146

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-Er, just gimme a second, I'm figuring something out for a patient.

#147

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-I'm glad we all finally experimented with each other,

#148

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-I'm glad we all finally experimented with each other,

#149

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but I'll never do it again. (ALL) Ah-hm.

#150

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but I'll never do it again. (ALL) Ah-hm.

#151

⇓

-Dammit! (GROANS)

#152

⇓

-Dammit! (GROANS)

#153

⇓

-Julie. -Hi, Rob! Good to see you. Hey, Dan!

#154

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-Julie. -Hi, Rob! Good to see you. Hey, Dan!

#155

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-God, I just hate that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to

#156

⇓

-God, I just hate that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to

#157

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sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy dog.

#158

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sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy dog.

#159

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-I never gave those guys anything. I slept with them. -Oh.

#160

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-I never gave those guys anything. I slept with them. -Oh.

#161

⇓

Great!

#162

⇓

Great!

#163

⇓

Those gyno girls are really putting the pressure on.

#164

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Those gyno girls are really putting the pressure on.

#165

⇓

We must have looked at 100 women's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo!

#166

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We must have looked at 100 women's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo!

#167

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I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo.

#168

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I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo.

#169

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-Is that because it looks like a vagina? (Carla, there's people!)

#170

⇓

-Is that because it looks like a vagina? (Carla, there's people!)

#171

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I'm gonna stand up to them and say I'm not interested.

#172

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I'm gonna stand up to them and say I'm not interested.

#173

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-I think you should. (CHUCKLES)

#174

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-Sir, why are you laughing? (LAUGHS) Who knows?!

#175

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-Sir, why are you laughing? (LAUGHS) Who knows?!

#176

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It could be the funny face I made with my peas.

#177

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It could be the funny face I made with my peas.

#178

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But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing at the notion

#179

⇓

But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing at the notion

#180

⇓

that you could stand up to anyone. (GASPS)

#181

⇓

that you could stand up to anyone. (GASPS)

#182

⇓

-There we go. 'Moonlighting sucks -but Turk and I make do.'

#183

⇓

-There we go. 'Moonlighting sucks -but Turk and I make do.'

#184

⇓

-Now,... will a lollipop put a smile on your face?

#185

⇓

-Now,... will a lollipop put a smile on your face?

#186

⇓

-How about if Doctor Turk sings Jimmy Crack Corn?

#187

⇓

-How about if Doctor Turk sings Jimmy Crack Corn?

#188

⇓

Jimmy Crack Corn as Neil Diamond?

#189

⇓

Jimmy Crack Corn as Neil Diamond?

#190

⇓

-OK. -Hit it. (LAUGHS)

#191

⇓

-OK. -Hit it. (LAUGHS)

#192

⇓

# Jimmy crack corn

#193

⇓

# And I don't care... (CHUCKLES)

#194

⇓

# And I don't care... (CHUCKLES)

#195

⇓

# Jimmy crack corn...

#196

⇓

# Jimmy crack corn...

#197

⇓

Hold this for me. # And I don't care

#198

⇓

Hold this for me. # And I don't care

#199

⇓

# Jimmy crack corn

#200

⇓

# Jimmy crack corn

#201

⇓

# And I don't ca-a-a-a-a-a-are!

#202

⇓

# Uh! #

#203

⇓

# Uh! #

#204

⇓

(LAUGHS) -Doctor Dorian,

#205

⇓

we could use you again tomorrow if you'd like to make another $300.

#206

⇓

we could use you again tomorrow if you'd like to make another $300.

#207

⇓

-300?

#208

⇓

'Luckily for Turk revenge is a dish best served cold.'

#209

⇓

'Luckily for Turk revenge is a dish best served cold.'

#210

⇓

'Not unlike this tapioca pudding.'

#211

⇓

'Not unlike this tapioca pudding.'

#212

⇓

-You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff. -Oh.

#213

⇓

-You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff. -Oh.

#214

⇓

Well, that's good. -Yep.

#215

⇓

Well, that's good. -Yep.

#216

⇓

In fact, right now,... I'm dusting for fingerprints.

#217

⇓

In fact, right now,... I'm dusting for fingerprints.

#218

⇓

-Really? -No, I'm just dustin'.

#219

⇓

-Really? -No, I'm just dustin'.

#220

⇓

-I've finished those discharge dictations you wanted me to do

#221

⇓

-I've finished those discharge dictations you wanted me to do

#222

⇓

and I was able to get Mrs Chesky on the transplant list.

#223

⇓

and I was able to get Mrs Chesky on the transplant list.

#224

⇓

'And here comes the wink!'

#225

⇓

'OK, maybe I'll start it off.' -Oh, my God, Sabrina!

#226

⇓

'OK, maybe I'll start it off.' -Oh, my God, Sabrina!

#227

⇓

'OK, maybe I'll start it off.' -Oh, my God, Sabrina!

#228

⇓

You had better tell me that you just had laser-eye surgery

#229

⇓

You had better tell me that you just had laser-eye surgery

#230

⇓

and they severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up

#231

⇓

and they severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up

#232

⇓

because you did not just wink at me! -I wink at everybody.

#233

⇓

because you did not just wink at me! -I wink at everybody.

#234

⇓

Well, hey, Doctor Kelso!

#235

⇓

Well, hey, Doctor Kelso!

#236

⇓

-Save it for the bathhouses, sport.

#237

⇓

'Oh, boy!' -Don't take your anger out on Bambi.

#238

⇓

'Oh, boy!' -Don't take your anger out on Bambi.

#239

⇓

-I'm not. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine. -Please!

#240

⇓

-I'm not. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine. -Please!

#241

⇓

-I'm not. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine. -Please!

#242

⇓

You've slept with your ex-wife, that student, a nurse, your ex-wife.

#243

⇓

You've slept with your ex-wife, that student, a nurse, your ex-wife.

#244

⇓

-Would you get off my ex-wife? -I will if you will. (LAUGHS) Dammit!

#245

⇓

-Would you get off my ex-wife? -I will if you will. (LAUGHS) Dammit!

#246

⇓

Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

#247

⇓

Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

#248

⇓

So, Dad, how are things at home? -Er, good. Good.

#249

⇓

So, Dad, how are things at home? -Er, good. Good.

#250

⇓

Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.

#251

⇓

Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.

#252

⇓

-Well, you don't wanna be one of those couples that does everything together.

#253

⇓

-Well, you don't wanna be one of those couples that does everything together.

#254

⇓

(PHONE RINGS) -Sorry. Hello.

#255

⇓

(PHONE RINGS) -Sorry. Hello.

#256

⇓

-I just wanted you to know, sir, that I faced up to those gyno girls

#257

⇓

-I just wanted you to know, sir, that I faced up to those gyno girls

#258

⇓

with a very strong and clear, "No thank you." -Yes, I heard about your note.

#259

⇓

with a very strong and clear, "No thank you." -Yes, I heard about your note.

#260

⇓

-Er, th-th-th-the point is that I'm out.

#261

⇓

-Er, th-th-th-the point is that I'm out.

#262

⇓

-That was your mom. She said to say... something. -Oh.

#263

⇓

-That was your mom. She said to say... something. -Oh.

#264

⇓

-So, did Doctor Gerson ever contact you? -You told her to talk to me?

#265

⇓

-So, did Doctor Gerson ever contact you? -You told her to talk to me?

#266

⇓

-She went to med school with a colleague of mine.

#267

⇓

-She went to med school with a colleague of mine.

#268

⇓

Come on, I wanna go see the department.

#269

⇓

-Paging Doctor Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

#270

⇓

-Paging Doctor Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

#271

⇓

-Paging Doctor Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

#272

⇓

(LAUGHS)

#273

⇓

You wanna grab some beers tonight?

#274

⇓

You wanna grab some beers tonight?

#275

⇓

-I'm moonlighting in urgent care. -The lady didn't call me.

#276

⇓

-I'm moonlighting in urgent care. -The lady didn't call me.

#277

⇓

-Because I know you stole $100 from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass!

#278

⇓

-Because I know you stole $100 from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass!

#279

⇓

-What? -You know, Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop and she got Jan a job and they liked Jan better,

#280

⇓

-What? -You know, Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop and she got Jan a job and they liked Jan better,

#281

⇓

-What? -You know, Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop and she got Jan a job and they liked Jan better,

#282

⇓

so they fired Marcia. -Marcia Gets Creamed, season five, episode three. Don't ever question me on The Bunch!

#283

⇓

so they fired Marcia. -Marcia Gets Creamed, season five, episode three. Don't ever question me on The Bunch!

#284

⇓

They don't like you better than me. -I told her that you smoke the ganja!

#285

⇓

They don't like you better than me. -I told her that you smoke the ganja!

#286

⇓

They don't like you better than me. -I told her that you smoke the ganja!

#287

⇓

-What?! That's,... That's not even true! You're a jackass!

#288

⇓

-What?! That's,... That's not even true! You're a jackass!

#289

⇓

-Where are you goin'?! Munchies?!

#290

⇓

-Where are you goin'?! Munchies?!

#291

⇓

"Stay tuned for Survivor." -I so don't think so.

#292

⇓

"Stay tuned for Survivor." -I so don't think so.

#293

⇓

-I was watching that! -I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules.

#294

⇓

-I was watching that! -I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules.

#295

⇓

Look, I - I - I feel like... I owe you an apology, here. -Really?

#296

⇓

Look, I - I - I feel like... I owe you an apology, here. -Really?

#297

⇓

For what? -Well, for being so jealous and pissy lately.

#298

⇓

For what? -Well, for being so jealous and pissy lately.

#299

⇓

I just kinda got hung up on the fact that

#300

⇓

I just kinda got hung up on the fact that

#301

⇓

you were with, you know, Doctor Jasper, and Doctor Michaels,

#302

⇓

you were with, you know, Doctor Jasper, and Doctor Michaels,

#303

⇓

and... Doctor Stone. Was it his ear hair?

#304

⇓

and... Doctor Stone. Was it his ear hair?

#305

⇓

Is that what's so compelling about him? Never mind.

#306

⇓

Is that what's so compelling about him? Never mind.

#307

⇓

The point is that this relationship is about the present and the future

#308

⇓

The point is that this relationship is about the present and the future

#309

⇓

and I'm never gonna let anything from our past get in our way again.

#310

⇓

and I'm never gonna let anything from our past get in our way again.

#311

⇓

Deal? -Deal. -Come here.

#312

⇓

(DOOR CLICKS OPEN) -Keys still work.

#313

⇓

(DOOR CLICKS OPEN) -Keys still work.

#314

⇓

-Excellent.

#315

⇓

-Excellent.

#316

⇓

Jordan, please, tell me you ate a racoon and it's slowly working its way through your digestive system.

#317

⇓

Jordan, please, tell me you ate a racoon and it's slowly working its way through your digestive system.

#318

⇓

Jordan, please, tell me you ate a racoon and it's slowly working its way through your digestive system.

#319

⇓

-Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby, though not for lack of trying.

#320

⇓

-Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby, though not for lack of trying.

#321

⇓

See, we have sex a lot. -Who are you?

#322

⇓

-Who do you think I am? -Well, you have keys to the apartment,

#323

⇓

-Who do you think I am? -Well, you have keys to the apartment,

#324

⇓

so I'm gonna say the maid.

#325

⇓

so I'm gonna say the maid.

#326

⇓

-Oh. -Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan.

#327

⇓

-Oh. -Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan.

#328

⇓

Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie.

#329

⇓

Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie.

#330

⇓

Shall I call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

#331

⇓

Shall I call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

#332

⇓

-Oh, no, he called you his girlfriend! If I were you I'd start gathering your tiny panties up

#333

⇓

-Oh, no, he called you his girlfriend! If I were you I'd start gathering your tiny panties up

#334

⇓

-Oh, no, he called you his girlfriend! If I were you I'd start gathering your tiny panties up

#335

⇓

because... I think you're done. -I'm already bored by you.

#336

⇓

because... I think you're done. -I'm already bored by you.

#337

⇓

Perry, I will be in the bedroom. Come join me when Tubby leaves.

#338

⇓

Perry, I will be in the bedroom. Come join me when Tubby leaves.

#339

⇓

-Ta.

#340

⇓

-Oh, who did that to you?! -Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece,

#341

⇓

-Oh, who did that to you?! -Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece,

#342

⇓

chock-full of available, wealthy men - -So it was the bellboy?

#343

⇓

chock-full of available, wealthy men - -So it was the bellboy?

#344

⇓

-Or bus boy, or pool boy. Something boy.

#345

⇓

-Or bus boy, or pool boy. Something boy.

#346

⇓

Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked,

#347

⇓

Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked,

#348

⇓

and then I thought, "I've been drifting through life

#349

⇓

and then I thought, "I've been drifting through life

#350

⇓

and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me."

#351

⇓

and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me."

#352

⇓

Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid. -You should cut out the middleman

#353

⇓

Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid. -You should cut out the middleman

#354

⇓

and have a therapist deliver him. Why are you telling me this?!

#355

⇓

and have a therapist deliver him. Why are you telling me this?!

#356

⇓

-Oh, because I've also decided that I want you back.

#357

⇓

-Oh, because I've also decided that I want you back.

#358

⇓

-We got him. And he's gonna pay.

#359

⇓

-We got him. And he's gonna pay.

#360

⇓

-They're arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?

#361

⇓

-They're arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?

#362

⇓

-No, they found 20 bottles of Vicodin in his backpack.

#363

⇓

-No, they found 20 bottles of Vicodin in his backpack.

#364

⇓

Did you steal pudding and toilet paper? -What?! No!

#365

⇓

Did you steal pudding and toilet paper? -What?! No!

#366

⇓

I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper.

#367

⇓

I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper.

#368

⇓

I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.

#369

⇓

I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.

#370

⇓

-A bidet? -B'day to you, sir.

#371

⇓

-A bidet? -B'day to you, sir.

#372

⇓

-I miss you. -I miss you, too.

#373

⇓

-I miss you. -I miss you, too.

#374

⇓

-I wanted to see you last tonight. -I know, but I caught an EMT shift

#375

⇓

-I wanted to see you last tonight. -I know, but I caught an EMT shift

#376

⇓

and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.

#377

⇓

and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.

#378

⇓

-Cool! Did they let you run the siren? -I'm not talkin' to you. And yes.

#379

⇓

-Cool! Did they let you run the siren? -I'm not talkin' to you. And yes.

#380

⇓

-Quit being a baby! -You stole my job! -You stole my money!

#381

⇓

-Quit being a baby! -You stole my job! -You stole my money!

#382

⇓

-That was a finder's fee! -Oh, yeah? Well, find this!

#383

⇓

-That was a finder's fee! -Oh, yeah? Well, find this!

#384

⇓

-You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that. -Wouldn't that hurt?

#385

⇓

-You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that. -Wouldn't that hurt?

#386

⇓

-You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that. -Wouldn't that hurt?

#387

⇓

-So this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?

#388

⇓

-So this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?

#389

⇓

-It's a... hellhole.

#390

⇓

-It's a... hellhole.

#391

⇓

-Dad, why are you so set... on me being an OBGYN?

#392

⇓

-Dad, why are you so set... on me being an OBGYN?

#393

⇓

-Look, honey, your highest income potential

#394

⇓

-Look, honey, your highest income potential

#395

⇓

as a female physician is in obstetrics.

#396

⇓

-But don't... you think that maybe it's... time

#397

⇓

-But don't... you think that maybe it's... time

#398

⇓

that you left those sorts of things up to me?

#399

⇓

that you left those sorts of things up to me?

#400

⇓

-Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school,

#401

⇓

-Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school,

#402

⇓

your car and now your apartment and all your living expenses,

#403

⇓

your car and now your apartment and all your living expenses,

#404

⇓

I'd have to say no.

#405

⇓

I'd have to say no.

#406

⇓

Good God, someone vomited on my hot dog. -It's chilli, Dad, OK?!

#407

⇓

Good God, someone vomited on my hot dog. -It's chilli, Dad, OK?!

#408

⇓

I appreciate everything that you've given me, but it's my life!

#409

⇓

I appreciate everything that you've given me, but it's my life!

#410

⇓

So stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal!

#411

⇓

So stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal!

#412

⇓

(MUMBLES) Oh...! Oh, my God, that's disgusting!

#413

⇓

I don't know what to tell you. -Are you ever coming in?

#414

⇓

I don't know what to tell you. -Are you ever coming in?

#415

⇓

You can join us, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.

#416

⇓

You can join us, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.

#417

⇓

-OK, have one last fling, but I'll be back, and until then everywhere you look, you'll see me.

#418

⇓

-OK, have one last fling, but I'll be back, and until then everywhere you look, you'll see me.

#419

⇓

-Everywhere anybody looks they'll see you. -Oh, it is so on!

#420

⇓

-Everywhere anybody looks they'll see you. -Oh, it is so on!

#421

⇓

-Bring it. -Oh, God!

#422

⇓

-Bring it. -Oh, God!

#423

⇓

# There's something about

#424

⇓

# There's something about

#425

⇓

# you

#426

⇓

# That tears me inside out

#427

⇓

# Whenever you're around

#428

⇓

# There's something about

#429

⇓

# There's something about

#430

⇓

# you

#431

⇓

# Speedin' through my veins

#432

⇓

# And then we hit the ground

#433

⇓

# And then we hit the ground

#434

⇓

# And there's something about this rush

#435

⇓

# And there's something about this rush

#436

⇓

# Take it away

#437

⇓

# It made me feel so good

#438

⇓

# It made me feel so good

#439

⇓

# We got a feelin'

#440

⇓

# We got a feelin'

#441

⇓

# We get a feelin'

#442

⇓

# Like we could die

#443

⇓

# Like we could die

#444

⇓

# Yeah!

#445

⇓

# Lover

#446

⇓

# Lover

#447

⇓

# We just can't get enough

#448

⇓

# We just can't get enough

#449

⇓

# Lover

#450

⇓

# Lover

#451

⇓

# We just gotta get it up

#452

⇓

# We just gotta get it up

#453

⇓

# There's something about... #

#454

⇓

# There's something about... #

#455

⇓

-Oh, I-I think I'm gonna be sick.

#456

⇓

-Oh, I-I think I'm gonna be sick.

#457

⇓

Oh, so now you're ignoring me?

#458

⇓

Oh, so now you're ignoring me?

#459

⇓

-Because of you I gotta ride around in the ambulance all night,

#460

⇓

-Because of you I gotta ride around in the ambulance all night,

#461

⇓

and you know I get carsick! -Come on. Turk! Turk!

#462

⇓

and you know I get carsick! -Come on. Turk! Turk!

#463

⇓

-Hey, idiot. (LAUGHS) I said idiot and you looked.

#464

⇓

Help me carry this computer into my van. -You can't just take a computer.

#465

⇓

Help me carry this computer into my van. -You can't just take a computer.

#466

⇓

Help me carry this computer into my van. -You can't just take a computer.

#467

⇓

-Help me or we go check out the trunk of your car. -Stay low.

#468

⇓

-Help me or we go check out the trunk of your car. -Stay low.

#469

⇓

-Look, morning sickness sucks, believe me, I know. I've been there.

#470

⇓

-Look, morning sickness sucks, believe me, I know. I've been there.

#471

⇓

(SNIFFS) Hey, Jordan are you,... are you crying?

#472

⇓

(SNIFFS) Hey, Jordan are you,... are you crying?

#473

⇓

-No.

#474

⇓

-No.

#475

⇓

I don't know. I'm just completely hormonal.

#476

⇓

I don't know. I'm just completely hormonal.

#477

⇓

I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny

#478

⇓

I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny

#479

⇓

to clinically depressed six times a day.

#480

⇓

-Gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work. -Yeah.

#481

⇓

-Gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work. -Yeah.

#482

⇓

-Hey, lady,... I'm proud of what you're doin', here.

#483

⇓

-Hey, lady,... I'm proud of what you're doin', here.

#484

⇓

-Hey, lady,... I'm proud of what you're doin', here.

#485

⇓

-Really? -Yeah, really.

#486

⇓

-Thanks.

#487

⇓

-Thanks.

#488

⇓

Last chance.

#489

⇓

Last chance.

#490

⇓

Do you want me or not?

#491

⇓

Do you want me or not?

#492

⇓

-Oh, Jordan, I'm so sorry,

#493

⇓

but...

#494

⇓

but...

#495

⇓

-Forget it. I was kidding.

#496

⇓

-Forget it. I was kidding.

#497

⇓

I was kidding, really.

#498

⇓

Help me up. -Help you up? -Yeah. Use two hands.

#499

⇓

Help me up. -Help you up? -Yeah. Use two hands.

#500

⇓

-Do you think you could help me out? -Why won't Turk let this go?

#501

⇓

-Do you think you could help me out? -Why won't Turk let this go?

#502

⇓

-Marie, she's only with you for one week! (ROBOTIC VOICE) Carla!

#503

⇓

-Marie, she's only with you for one week! (ROBOTIC VOICE) Carla!

#504

⇓

-Marie, she's only with you for one week! (ROBOTIC VOICE) Carla!

#505

⇓

-I've got ten messages from my mother, my Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother,

#506

⇓

-I've got ten messages from my mother, my Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother,

#507

⇓

I gotta put out canned food for my cat, because the dry stuff doesn't cut it any more,

#508

⇓

I gotta put out canned food for my cat, because the dry stuff doesn't cut it any more,

#509

⇓

I gotta put out canned food for my cat, because the dry stuff doesn't cut it any more,

#510

⇓

plus Turk and I can't spend time together because we are working, so we can scrape together enough money

#511

⇓

plus Turk and I can't spend time together because we are working, so we can scrape together enough money

#512

⇓

to send my mother to a retirement community! What?! -We'll talk later.

#513

⇓

to send my mother to a retirement community! What?! -We'll talk later.

#514

⇓

'What Carla said made me realise what I had to do.'

#515

⇓

'What Carla said made me realise what I had to do.'

#516

⇓

-That's it for me! I'm gonna get my stuff and get outta here! -OK!

#517

⇓

-That's it for me! I'm gonna get my stuff and get outta here! -OK!

#518

⇓

-Aaaaaaaaaaah! -Aaaaaaah! Aaah! (LAUGHS)

#519

⇓

-Aaaaaaaaaaah! -Aaaaaaah! Aaah! (LAUGHS)

#520

⇓

-What are you doin'?! -She said we.

#521

⇓

-What are you doin'?! -She said we.

#522

⇓

-What? -Carla, she said we. "We need to scrape some money together."

#523

⇓

-What? -Carla, she said we. "We need to scrape some money together."

#524

⇓

It wasn't like a "we're dating" we,

#525

⇓

It wasn't like a "we're dating" we,

#526

⇓

it was like a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we.

#527

⇓

it was like a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we.

#528

⇓

I don't know, man, th-that just seems big to me, you know. -Yeah, I know.

#529

⇓

I don't know, man, th-that just seems big to me, you know. -Yeah, I know.

#530

⇓

-Can I run the siren?

#531

⇓

-Can I run the siren?

#532

⇓

(Yeah, alright. Make it quick!)

#533

⇓

(Yeah, alright. Make it quick!)

#534

⇓

-So you finally stood up to your father?

#535

⇓

-Yep. -And he cut you off, no money, no nothing?

#536

⇓

-Yep. -And he cut you off, no money, no nothing?

#537

⇓

-Pretty much. -Jerk.

#538

⇓

-Pretty much. -Jerk.

#539

⇓

Wow, this is a big place!

#540

⇓

Wow, this is a big place!

#541

⇓

-Do you know where I could find some boxes?

#542

⇓

-Do you know where I could find some boxes?

#543

⇓

-So, is your ex-wife like all-women-are-crazy crazy,

#544

⇓

-So, is your ex-wife like all-women-are-crazy crazy,

#545

⇓

or more like that-assistant- who-tasered-David-Spade crazy?

#546

⇓

or more like that-assistant- who-tasered-David-Spade crazy?

#547

⇓

-You gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now.

#548

⇓

-You gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now.

#549

⇓

I'm the one she's used to leaning on,

#550

⇓

I'm the one she's used to leaning on,

#551

⇓

which in her current condition is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

#552

⇓

which in her current condition is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

#553

⇓

which in her current condition is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

#554

⇓

But, still,... it sure was silly of her

#555

⇓

to try to make me choose between the two of you.

#556

⇓

to try to make me choose between the two of you.

#557

⇓

-I guess it was a pretty easy decision, huh?

#558

⇓

-I guess it was a pretty easy decision, huh?

#559

⇓

-Well, when I really had a chance to think about it,

#560

⇓

-Well, when I really had a chance to think about it,

#561

⇓

it turns out it was the easiest decision I ever made.

#562

⇓

it turns out it was the easiest decision I ever made.

#563

⇓

I was always gonna wind up with you.

#564

⇓

-So the whole vulnerable-crying thing worked, huh?

#565

⇓

-So the whole vulnerable-crying thing worked, huh?

#566

⇓

-I never had a chance.

#567

⇓

-I never had a chance.

#568

⇓

-You do realise I'm pregnant, don't you? -Yeah.

#569

⇓

-You do realise I'm pregnant, don't you? -Yeah.

#570

⇓

They're both for me. -Cheers.

#571

⇓

They're both for me. -Cheers.

#572

⇓

-You know,... I keep waiting to get sick of pudding

#573

⇓

-You know,... I keep waiting to get sick of pudding

#574

⇓

but with every cup I love it more. -Me, too.

#575

⇓

but with every cup I love it more. -Me, too.

#576

⇓

So are you gonna marry her? -Yeah, I think so.

#577

⇓

So are you gonna marry her? -Yeah, I think so.

#578

⇓

-Wow!

#579

⇓

-I'm sorry I ripped you off. -Nah, forget it.

#580

⇓

-I'm sorry I ripped you off. -Nah, forget it.

#581

⇓

You can keep the 100 bucks. -I was gonna, man.

#582

⇓

You can keep the 100 bucks. -I was gonna, man.

#583

⇓

I was gonna.

#584

⇓

I was gonna.

#585

⇓

'I usually don't like -thinkin' about the future.'

#586

⇓

'I usually don't like -thinkin' about the future.'

#587

⇓

'I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen,...

#588

⇓

'I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen,...

#589

⇓

..but sometimes the thing you didn't expect

#590

⇓

..but sometimes the thing you didn't expect

#591

⇓

is what you really wanted after all.'

#592

⇓

is what you really wanted after all.'

#593

⇓

'Maybe it's best to stop tryin' to figure out where you're goin' and just enjoy where you're at.'

#594

⇓

'Maybe it's best to stop tryin' to figure out where you're goin' and just enjoy where you're at.'

#595

⇓

-Alright, now, who wants a refill? -I can't afford this place!

#596

⇓

-Alright, now, who wants a refill? -I can't afford this place!

#597

⇓

-Elliot, I'm $130,000 in debt. You're gonna be alright. (CHUCKLES)

#598

⇓

-Elliot, I'm $130,000 in debt. You're gonna be alright. (CHUCKLES)

#599

⇓

-Come on, let's dance, stud.

#600

⇓

-Come on, let's dance, stud.

#601

⇓

-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#602

⇓

Season 2, Episode 8 — My Fruit Cups

Combined Images